5/6- Political Championship Wrestling- Hillary’s last stand. The BCS still sucks. The birth of PCW.
Host: Johnny Suave
BCEW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
Johnny Suave: “We are LIVE in Fort Wayne, Indiana for BCEW Hoosier House Party! I am Johnny Suave and in just a few minutes, BCEW owner Bubba Jackson will make a huge announcement. But first, let’s go to a BCEW house show this past Saturday night at ‘The Thunderdome’ in Archbold, Ohio. The BCEW Tag Team Titles were on the line and this is what happened…”
REPLAY- BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH BETWEEN A. TOM and HY DROGEN BOMB © w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots) vs. JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett (Progressive Alliance)
A-Bomb pummels Jack Schett in the corner. H-Bomb and Bull Schett brawl outside the ring. Jack slumps in the corner and A-Bomb goes for the Atomic Power Bomb. He lifts Jack in the air when a German Schnauzer suddenly appears in the ring. The dog bares its teeth and barks menacingly at A-Bomb. The referee tries to shoo the dog away but ends up running for his life when the dog begins to chase him.
In the midst of the confusion, Jack Schett reverses the set up for the Atomic Power Bomb and delivers the Schett Brick on A-Bomb. Horst Schett calls the dog out of the ring and the animal obeys. The referee counts the pinfall and we have new BCEW Tag Team champions.
WINNER AND NEW BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT
Suave announces that Jack and Bull Schett will defend the tag team belts in a rematch against A-Bomb and H-Bomb tonight.
MATCH #1- BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE RETURN BOUT: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB AND HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
H-Bomb is totally pissed off about what happened Saturday night and doesn’t wait for the bell. He attacks Bull Schett while A-Bomb and Jack Schett lock up. H-Bomb clubs away on Bull in the corner. Bull tries to fight his way out but H-Bomb lariats the living hell out of him. Jack Schett cheap shots H-Bomb from behind. Then A-Bomb puts Jack in a half nelson and drives him hard into the corner turnbuckle. Suplex. Suplex. A-Bomb then heaves Jack through the ropes.
Horst Schett walks out with the German Schnauzer and parks himself next to Johnny Suave at the announcer’s table. Horst: “This is our dog. As you can see, he’s very, very mean and vicious.” The Schnauzer playfully and affectionately licks Horst’s face. Suave: “He doesn’t look all that scary. What’s his name?” Horst: “Hans Gruber.” Suave: “Hans Gruber? You named this mean and vicious dog after the guy who wrote ‘Silent Night?’ Horst slams his fist down. Horst: “NINE! HE’S NOT NAMED AFTER SOME WIMPY COMPOSER OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC! HE’S NAMED AFTER ONE OF THE GREATEST GERMAN CINEMATIC VILLIANS OF ALL TIME- HANS GRUBER! DIE HARD- THE MOVIE!” Suave: “Oh…”
A screeching woman’s voice interrupts. Peta from PETA comes out with the rest of the Green World Order (Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick) and confronts Horst Schett over the misuse of Hans Gruber as a weapon to help them gain the BCEW Tag Team title. Peta: “You’re just as bad as that jockey who pushed that poor horse Eight Belles on two broken ankles at the Kentucky Derby. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for- ARRGHHH!” Horst sics Hans Gruber on Peta and chases her all around the ring. PeaceNick climbs on the ring apron to protest the extreme violence in brutality in BCEW political wrestling. This as Jack Schett uses a cheese grater on H-Bomb’s forehead and blood flows all over the place.
A-Bomb sets up a table outside the ring and drags an equally bloody Bull Schett over. A-Bomb prepares to Atomic Power Bomb Bull through the table when Peta from PETA flies by with Hans Gruber in hot pursuit and causes him to flinch. A second later, Horst Schett blasts A-Bomb with a steel-folding chair. PeaceNick continues to shout out anti-violence slogan on the ring apron. Jack Schett low blows A-Bomb in desperation and then whips him into the ropes. A-Bomb plows into PeaceNick, sending him flying backwards off the ring apron and through the table. Crowd: “BCEW!…BCEW!”
A-Bomb shoulder blocks Jack and then Newt Tron Bomb races over and sticks his ass in Jack’s face. Suave: “HE’S GOING FOR THE SILENT BUT DEADLY!……quick, someone get me a gas mask.” Out of nowhere, Hans Gruber skips into the ring and launches himself at N-Bomb’s ass. N-Bomb: “AAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT BITE’S GOING TO LEAVE A MARK!” Jack hits the Schett Brick on A-Bomb, covers, and gets the pin.
WINNER AND STILL BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT
The crowd chants ‘BULL-S#$#!’ Bull takes the mic. Bull: “Hey, you’re chanting my name!” Suave: “No, Bull. Not quite.” Suave then recaps another match that took place earlier in the night.
REPLAY- JIMMY FROM SO CAL
Jimmy from SoCal is pissed off because he wasn’t chosen to be in the 2008 Jim Rome Smack-Off. Jimmy: “My smack is tight. My takes are epic. I should have received an invite to the Smack-Off!” Jimmy promises to take his frustrations out on his opponent tonight. Then former BCEW Television champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido comes out. Suave: “Speaking of being pissed off, Escondido’s still upset over Big Oil Pearl Harboring him last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV to take the title.”
REPLAY OF THE MATCH: JIMMY FROM SO CAL (Jobber) vs. ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent)
Jimmy tries but in the end he gets racked……torture racked that is. Escondido makes Jimmy tap out. Suave: “Jimmy from SoCal ejects and runs himself! He is OUT!”
WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO
Suave also mentions another incident that took place at the BCEW house show at the Thunderdome. Kirk Walstreit, Wall Street Market Analyst with a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, calls out Big Oil.
REPLAY- KIRK WALSTREIT AND BIG OIL THIS PAST SATURDAY NIGHT
Walstreit in the ring. Big Oil walks out with his manager, Texas Tex, who pushes a wheelbarrow overflowing with money. Walstreit announces that Exxon/Mobil reported a 10.9 billion dollar first quarter profit. Walstreit: “Big Oil, I hate to tell you this but…that’s not good enough.” Big Oil hangs his head. Walstreit: “It doesn’t meet Wall Street’s expectations.” Big Oil: “I agree. I guess that means that gas prices aren’t high enough.” Predictably, the crowd boos. Big Oil calls the crowd ‘delusional’ and brags that once the summer months get here, gas prices will increase again and they should meet Wall Street expectations. More boos follow. Big Oil laughs. Big Oil: “Boo all you want. It doesn’t matter because you know damn well that you’re so addicted to your cars that you’ll pay- OOOFF!”
Big Oil gets interrupted by Average Joe and the American Trucker (formerly Mike the Mechanic) who jump him from behind. American Trucker takes out Big Oil’s legs and Average Joe takes a can of oil and bashes him in the head with it. Walstreit tries to help but American Trucker kicks him in the groin and then takes Walstreit’s autographed picture of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, framed and all, and breaks it over his head.
Suave: “Average Joe and the American Trucker. Sticking up for the little guys.”
BCEW Owner Bubba Jackson arrives in the ring to make his big announcement. He tells the BCEW faithful that it’s been a wonderful three years and that they’ve come a long way since the first BCEW pay per view show, Loose Cannons Unleashed in March, 2005. Bubba: “But now, it’s time to take the next step. And with that step means we’re branching out a little farther and, more importantly, necessitates a name change.” Crowd seems mildly confused. Bubba: “Starting tonight, BCEW is no more; PCW- Political Championship Wrestling is born!” Bubba reassures everyone that Buckland County, and especially Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and the now, PCW Hall, will remain the emotional heart and soul of PCW. Bubba: “But, we are on the way to bigger and better things!”
BACKSTAGE
The Chaotic Alliance of Convenience meets. Rush Limbaugh. Big Oil with Texas Tex. Triple R. Suave quickly recaps the formation of ‘Limbaugh’s unholy alliance’ to put Hillary Clinton over as the Progressive Alliance nominee. Limbaugh thinks HRC would be easier for John McCain to defeat for BCEW CEO. Big Oil is doing it for the money. Triple R wants the PCW Title now held by Starz N. Stripes of the American Patriots. Triple R tells Big Oil now that he’s got ‘his belt’ (PCW Television championship) that his job is to soften up the PCW Champion so he can defeat him next month at next months Loose Cannons Unleashed 4 pay per view after Triple R takes care of O’Beck Bahama tonight. Big Oil becomes annoyed and begins to respond. Limbaugh slips him another envelope full of cash and calms the big guy down.
MATCH #2 PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila of the 3 Amigas (Independent)
Suave: “No Barack Obama tonight. Tessa Martin has slowly climbed up the ladder and with the injury to Kathryn Randall Collins has earned a title shot. The question is, is Tessa ready to take the next step?” The answer is: we won’t find out tonight.
Before the bell, Hillary Clinton sends in her Political Pitbulls (James Carville, Terry McAuliffe), Barbra Streisand, Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, and the CAC to disrupt the match. Opal’s Flock gets taken out; so does the 3 Amigas. Hillary gets on the mic and asks, “What part of ‘I’m going all the way’ does everyone not understand?” Hillary states tonight is a ‘game-changing’ night. Hillary: “And when Triple R defeats O’Beck Bahama, again, the Progressive Alliance will see that I’m in it to win it. They’ll see that only I am tough enough to stand up to the American Patriots and John McCain! I’m tested. I’m ready.” Hillary defiantly throws down the mic and leaves with her crew.
*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock, Til You Drop blares over the sound system*
The crowd stands and cheers as the Extreme Equalizer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, runs down to the ring. Delany tries to get out but WTF grabs him by the scruff of the neck and pulls him back in. Suave: “ YES!” WTF kicks Delany in the balls, sets him up for the power bomb, and then sends out of the ring through the announcer’s table. Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!”
MATCH #3 ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama, Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers-Daily Kos, Media Matters For America, Eric Alterman (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ TRIPLE R w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, The Chaotic Alliance of Convenience- Rush Limbaugh, Big Oil w/Texas Tex
Suave: “Well? Here we go again.” The bell rings and Triple R charges at Bahama. Bahama slidesteps out of the way and Triple R crashes into the turnbuckle. Daily Kos reaches over and delivers a couple cheap shots. Kicks to the back by Bahama on Triple R drops him down to a sitting position. Daily Kos and Media Matters grab a leg and crotch Triple R against the ring post. Bahama climbs up the turnbuckle and hits a 450 splash. Cover. 2-count. Bahama pushes Triple R back into the corner where the Left Wing Bloggers again interfere. Standing drop kick by Bahama. Wicked chops follow leaving red welts on Triple R’s chest. DDT. Cover. Triple R kicks out at 2. Whip into the ropes, belly to belly Suplex by Bahama. Again, a cover. This time, Carville and McAuliffe hit the ring and stop the count.
Triple R whips Bahama into his corner. Bahama tries to move. Big Oil grabs both legs, freezing him in place. Spinning heel kick by Triple R nearly decapitates Bahama. Cover. 2 count. Triple R tosses Bahama over the top rope into the clutches of the Political Pitbulls. Suave: “That’s not a good place to be.” Carville and McAuliffe attack. They hold Bahama up and Big Oil hits a running clothesline. Arianna Huffington screams at the Clinton Cabal. Finally, the Angry Left Wing Bloggers attack on both sides and it’s a mess.
Bahama stumbles out of the scrum. Triple R staggers out a couple seconds later. Triple R sets his sights on Bahama. The Rev. Jeremiah Wright runs in with a chair, again, but this time Barack Obama cuts him off at the pass. Obama sends Rev. Wright back to the locker room. Triple R grabs Bahama and throws him back into the ring. Big Oil also emerges from the scrum and he climbs into the ring. Triple R suplexes Bahama. Body slam. Bahama in trouble. Triple R whips him into the ropes, another body slam. Triple R then gestures to Big Oil to ‘finish him.’ Big Oil picks up Bahama and chokeslams him. Hillary climbs up on the ring apron. Limbaugh also comes up close to watch on the other side. Triple R goes for the cover. 1…2… Suave: “NO! HE KICKED OUT!” Triple R is furious. He directs Big Oil to deliver another chokeslam. Big Oil picks Bahama up…and throws him into Triple R, driving them both into the ropes. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING?” Texas Tex throws in a chair for Big Oil. Big Oil winds up. Limbaugh suddenly pulls Bahama out of the way and Big Oil clocks Triple R with the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Hillary can’t believe what just happened. Chokeslam follows. Big Oil puts Bahama on top for the cover. Hillary tries to keep the referee from counting the pin. No avail. The Angry Left Wing Bloggers keep the Clinton Political Pitbulls at bay. 1…2…3.
WINNER: O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama
Limbaugh gets into the ring and says this whole thing was a work. He only supported Hillary to disrupt the Progressive Alliance and produce the weakest candidate possible to face the American Patriots John McCain in the fall for PCW CEO. Limbaugh: “I only wanted to keep the divisive fight going between Obama and Clinton. Now I believe that Barack Obama is the weakest candidate of the Progressive Alliance. Operation Chaos is an unmitigated success!” With that, Limbaugh leaves a stunned Hillary Clinton mouthing ‘why?’
*YEEEEEEEE-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!*
The leader of the Progressive Alliance, ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean, enters the ring and inspects the carnage. He looks at Hillary. Dean: “I think we’ve seen just about enough.” Dean leaves with Hillary following right behind. Hillary: “Howard! Wait! It’s not over yet. I can still win this.”
Triple R comes to. He sees Big Oil and Texas Tex standing by the guardrail, waiting for his match against PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes. He grabs a chair and attacks Big Oil. Chairshot. Chairshot. Texas Tex tries to intervene and gets leveled by a chairshot. More chairshots on Big Oil, who wilts to the ground. Suave: “HE’S SNAPPED! TRIPLE R IS FURIOUS AND HE’S BEATING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF BIG OIL!” Triple R takes Texas Tex’s golden money belt and wraps it around Big Oil’s throat. Suave: “HE’S CHOKING HIM!” Several referees come down to try and pry Triple R off Big Oil. Triple R takes them all out with chairshots and then chokes Big Oil with the money belt again.
PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes arrives for his match. Triple R sees him and drags Big Oil over to the ring. He rolls him inside and then climbs up the turnbuckle. Suicide dive. Triple R: “He’s all yours.”
MATCH #4 PCW TITLE MATCH: STARZ N. STRIPES © (American Patriots) vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex (American Patriots)
Starz sticks his boot on Big Oil’s chest. 1…2…3.
WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: STARZ N. STRIPES
Suave: “RUSH LIMBAUGH DOUBLE CROSSES HILLARY. THE CLINTON CABAL MAY BE TOAST! ONE MONTH TO GO BEFORE THE FINAL PCW PAY PER VIEW OF THE SEASON- LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 4!”
———
www.bucklandcounty.com
Lulu.com
Borders
Books A Million
…or order it direct from: Prairie Depot Press
P.O. Box 25
Wauseon, Ohio 43567
Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press
Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
