BARACK OBAMA SPEAKS
Suave: “All right. Here comes the PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama and his aide de camp to be Joe Biden.” Obama, Biden, and the American Screamer Howard Dean climb into the ring. Obama: “First off, I want to thank each and every one of you. It is an honor to be named the next PCW CEO and I promise to do my best not to let you all down.” Polite clapping follows. Obama: “Okay. Tonight, we bid farewell to the architect of all this…the man who rebuilt the Progressive Alliance…the man who’s work paid off three weeks ago at PCW Extreme Election Night when the Progressive Alliance won six matches out of nine. Ladies and gentlemen. Give it up for the American Screamer HOWARD DEAN!”
Crowd: “THANK YOU, HOWARD (clap clap, clap-clap-clap) THANK YOU, HOWARD (clap clap, clap-clap-clap)…” Dean waves to the crowd. He takes the mic from Obama. Dean: “I’ve had a great ride here in PCW. In fact, it’s been so good, I just have one thing to say- YEEEEEEE-AHHHHH!” Crowd: “THANK YOU, HOWARD (clap clap, clap-clap-clap) THANK YOU, HOWARD (clap clap, clap-clap-clap)…” Obama: “Yes. Thank you, Howard.” Dean waves again and leaves.
Obama: “Okay. Now, I want to bring out the new PCW Champion. A man who fought a gallant opponent in Starz N. Stripes in the greatest match in PCW history. O’BECK…BAHAMA!” The crowd stands and cheers the new PCW champion as he walks to the ring. He high fives Howard Dean as they pass each other. Bahama climbs in and takes the mic from Obama. Suave: “Hey! O’Beck’s actually going to speak!” Bahama: “Thank you, Barack Obama. Thank you, PCW fans. If I can uphold the honor of this belt half as well as Starz N. Stripes did, I’ll be doing pretty good.” Obama: “O’Beck, you’ve made a lot of progress in the short time we’ve been working together in PCW. However, since I am going to be next PCW CEO, someone else is going to have to manage you. And I think I’ve found the perfect person. He’s got experience. He’s been a champion. He’s…”
Sound system: “Not just intolerable…not just unbearable…I am-” Crowd: “JUSTIN SUFFERABLE!” Suave: “Well how do you like that? The former PCW Champion Justin Sufferable is going to manage O’Beck Bahama.” Sufferable walks down to the ring. Crowd: “Jus-tin ***hole (clap clap, clap-clap-clap), Jus-tin ***hole (clap clap, clap-clap-clap)” Sufferable smiles. Sufferable: “Aaah, yes. You remember.” The crowd cheers again. Obama: “O’Beck. I’m extremely confident that you’re in good hands with Justin Sufferable. I believe that you’ll be the PCW champion for a long time to come. All right, let’s bring out our other title winner from 3 weeks ago. The PCW Television Champion, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.” The spotlight illuminates the dressing room door Escondido is supposed to come out of. Nothing. Suave: “Okay…no Escondido.” A commotion breaks out in front of the dressing room door. Suave: “Something’s going on. Wait! There’s the PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.” Escondido falls to the floor. Behind him stand Big Oil, Quadruple R, Rough Justice, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, and ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, CEO of Domination Inc. McMann: “Hey, Obama. We found your TV champ.” Escondido manages to pull himself up. Big Oil clubs him with a stiff forearm across the back driving him down. McMann: “As you can tell, he’s not in the best of shape right now.” Sufferable and Bahama point at Domination Inc. McMann: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before things get totally out of control…” Big Oil pulls Escondido up and sets up the Oklahoma Driller. Suave: “NOT ON THE FLOOR! NO!” Yes. Big Oil spikes Escondido on the floor. He ain’t moving. McMann: “Well? At least, too far out of control. Obviously, I’m here to talk business. You have something I want. The PCW Title.” Rough Justice brings out a table and sets it up. McMann: “Now, I believe a title shot is in order here for Quadruple R. Don’t you think?” Big Oil lifts Escondido off the ground. McMann: “Or do we have to…drive the point home again?” Obama: “Listen McMann, you know as well as I do that your guy has to become the number one contender before he gets a title match.” McMann: “Not good enough.” Big Oil drives Escondido through the table, splitting it in half. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Escondido is out cold. McMann: “I suggest you change your tune. Or the next one who gets this might be your prized pupil, Mr. Bahama.” Domination Inc. leaves.
Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-Up Crew along with Justin Sufferable attend to Chris Escondido.
JOHNNY SUAVE’S SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
Suave now in the ring with Obama. Suave: “I’m sure you all know by now that TNA made a substantial offer to Sarah Palin to appear at their December 7th pay per view. I can assure you that there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that she’ll be there.” The crowd cheers. Suave: “That’s because she’ll be at our special PCW ROADSHOW ACROSS AMERICA TOUR DATE IN JUNEAU, ALASKA!” The PCW Arena explodes. Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Obama’s cell phone rings. Obama answers and motions to Suave to hold on. Obama nods. He folds the phone and whispers something in Suave’s ear. Suave: “Ladies and gentlemen. The current PCW CEO George W and PCW CEO designate Barack Obama announce that the main event for our December 7th show will be…STARZ N. STRIPES vs. QUADRUPLE R IN A NUMBER ONE CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW TITLE!” More cheers. Suave: “Also. Two new female wrestlers will debut. Emily List for the Progressive Alliance vs. Kalee Jones- the Eskimo Queen who’ll have Sarah Palin in her corner. December 7th- PCW Extreme Political TV from Juneau, Alaska.”
REPLAY: AFTERMATH OF COLEMAN VS. FRANKEN MATCH AT PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
Afterwards…in the parking lot
Al Franken opens up his car door. He starts to get into his car when Norm Coleman slams the door shut on Franken’s left leg. Coleman opens the car door and pulls Franken out. Franken to the ground. Coleman kicks at Franken’s left leg. He kneels down and starts swinging away. Coleman drags Franken up and whips him headfirst into the driver’s side window. Franken staggers back and his left leg gives out. Coleman again pulls him back up and whips him headfirst into the window. Franken slides down the side of the car. Coleman then opens the door and rams it into Franken’s head. Franken is dragged back into his car with his left leg hanging out again. Coleman slams the car door repeatedly against Franken’s leg.
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring to do the introduction. Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen. This match is a rematch from PCW Extreme Election Night 2008!” The crowd cheers. Suave: “Yeah, they’ve been waiting for this one.” Charlene Ann: In this corner. Representing the American Patriots- Norm Coleman!” Norm Coleman already in the ring. He paces back and forth. Charlene Ann: And coming to the ring, from the Progressive Alliance. Al Franken!” Al Franken comes out, left leg all bandaged up. He wastes little time coming to the ring. Franken climbs in and immediately charges Coleman. Charlene Ann barely gets out of the way. Half the crowd chants ‘f*** him up Coleman, f*** him up. The other half chants for Franken. Suave: “Here we go!”
MATCH #2 NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)
Franken is fired up. Coleman sidesteps the initial charge and wastes no time attacking Franken’s bad leg. Suave: “Coleman with kicks to Franken and drives him down to one knee…LOW BLOW BY FRANKEN!” Franken does it a second time. Coleman’s turns white and tips over onto the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Franken flails on him. He pulls Coleman up by the hair and throws him through the ropes outside. Coleman topples out of the ring and onto the floor. Franken on the edge of the ring. Flying elbow. Coleman’s legs jerk up at impact and then slam back down. Franken again pulls Coleman up by the hair. Blatant choke. The referee tries to get in the middle but Franken isn’t letting go. Franken gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Coleman. Franken throws the chair down and again pulls Coleman back up. Chop across the chest. A second one. Franken whips Coleman into the steel guardrail. Coleman flips over the guardrail into the crowd. Suave: “This has been all Al Franken so far.”
Franken is handed a cup of beer. Beer shot to Coleman. Cookie sheet is next. *WHACK* The cookie sheet is bent at a ninety degree angle after Franken uses it. The crowd parts and creates a corridor as Franken pushes Coleman towards the concession stand. Franken throws Coleman head first into the edge of the stand. Coleman finally fights back and pushes Franken away. He tries to fire some shots at Franken. Franken goes hammerlock and then reverses into a side headlock. Coleman reverses into an arm wringer. Franken can’t break the hold so he punches Coleman in the mouth. Franken grabs a squeeze bottle full of ketchup and squirts it in Coleman’s eyes. Franken again chokes out Coleman. Suave: “Coleman’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can he…say, what is Mark Ritchie doing over there with that rope?” Ritchie throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. Franken drives Coleman towards Ritchie. Franken gets another chair. *CLANG* Coleman staggers. Franken pushes him down at Ritchie’s feet. Ritchie loops the rope around Coleman’s feet. He pulls the rope on the other side and Coleman goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.” Franken gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Coleman with it. Suave: “COLEMAN’S STRUNG UP LIKE A HUMAN PINATA AND FRANKEN’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. COLEMAN’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…AND HERE COMES TIM PAWLENTY!” Pawlenty runs down and swipes the chair from Franken. *CLANG* Franken staggers backwards. Mark Ritchie makes a run at Pawlenty. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. Franken gets up and charges again. *CLANG* Franken pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “TIM PAWLENTY CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN COLEMAN AND I DON’T THINK COLEMAN KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!” Pawlenty guides Coleman back towards the ring. Franken gets up a few seconds later. He stumbles towards the ring.
Coleman barely can make it over the steel guardrail. Franken gets his second wind and leaps the guardrail onto Coleman. Again, Franken flails wild punches. Franken pulls him back up. Drop toehold onto a chair. Coleman’s forehead is busted open again. Franken powerbombs Coleman through the timekeeper’s table. Franken stomps on him. He drags Coleman back up and takes him to the ring. Franken rolls Coleman in and climbs the ropes. Coleman gets up. Franken hits a missile drop kick from the top rope sending him right back down. Franken snapmares him into the corner. Huge knee strike. Franken again up top, double axehandle to Coleman. Coleman throws wild punches that miss by several miles. Clothesline by Franken. He covers. 1…2..no, two count. Franken stomps him repeatedly. Franken picks someone up the top turnbuckle. Superplex from the top rope. Cover 1…2…NO! Coleman’s foot is on the ropes. Franken getting a little frustrated. He yanks Coleman back in the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle. Swanton splash by Franken! ONE… TWO…NO! Suave: “I thought Franken got him. But Coleman kicks out just in time.” Franken sets up for the Piledriver, but Coleman rolls through! Franken takes Coleman up top. Coleman fights off Franken. Half Nelson Suplex by Franken! Another cover. 1…2…again, Coleman kicks out. Franken slams his fist into the canvas. Small package by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN ROLLS HIM UP. 1…2…3-NO! COLEMAN ROLLED HIM OVER! 1…2…3! HE’S DONE IT!
WINNER: NORM COLEMAN
Franken stands in middle of the ring in complete disbelief. Suave: “FRANKEN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HE HAD HIM!” Franken stands in the ring with his arms outstretched. Suave: “HE COMPLETELY HAD HIM! FRANKEN HAD HIM PINNED BUT SOMEHOW, COLEMAN ROLLED FRANKEN OVER AND HE GETS THE WIN!” Franken looks over at Coleman. Coleman’s celebrating. An enraged Franken hits Coleman from behind and then throws him head first into the corner turnbuckle. He picks up the chair and jams it into the back of Coleman’s left knee. Coleman falls backward to the canvas. Suave: “FRANKEN’S SNAPPED! HE’S PISSED AND NOW SLAMMING THAT STEEL CHAIR INTO COLEMAN’S KNEE!” Three shots in a row. Tim Pawlenty hits the ring to stop him. Franken blasts him with the chair and sends Pawlenty flying across the ring. Franken throws the chair down and puts Coleman’s leg through it. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? FRANKEN CLIMBING TO THE TURNBUCKLE!” Franken jumps onto the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN’S TRYING TO SNAP HIS LEG LIKE A TWIG!” Coleman grabs his knee and violently writhes in pain. Franken grabs the leg and spins. Coleman: AGGGGGHHHH! Suave: “FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE FOUR!” Coleman slams the mat with his hands. Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO CRIPPLE COLEMAN…HERE COMES THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter hit the ring. Franken drops the hold and slides out of the ring. Suave: “TOO LATE, THOUGH. THE DAMAGE MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN DONE!”
Prairie Depot Press- Home of Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction
Filed under: 2008 Election, 2008 Presidential Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, Election 2008, Joe the Plumber, Politics, Pro Wrestling, democrats, joe six pack, political satire, republicans | Tagged: Al Franken, big oil, ECW, George W. Bush, Howard Dean, joe biden, Mark Ritchie, Norm Coleman, red state, Sarah Palin, Small Town America, Tim Pawlenty, TNA, Vince McMahon, WWE
