12/8-PCW Newsline: 12/18 PCW Completely Deranged from Minnesota on P-SPAN, PCW Rocks Alaska, Joe Sixpacks, Dr. Bill Fractures Other Ankle

12/8- PCW NEWSLINE

PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED TO BE ON P-SPAN
PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama announced earlier today that next Thursday’s PCW Completely Deranged will be broadcast on P-SPAN, the political channel. P-SPAN’s very own Brian Lamb will be the special color commentator for the main event- the Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch between Al Franken and Norm Coleman. You won’t want to miss that.

LAST NIGHT’S PCW ROADSHOW TOUR STOP IN ALASKA A HUGE SUCCESS
The PCW crew makes the long flight back after a wild and wooly PCW Roadshow Tour stop yesterday in Juneau, Alaska. If you missed all of the action, click here to read PCW Extreme Political TV from Alaska.

If you did read yesterday’s show, you know that the main event, Independent Starz N. Stripes vs. Quadruple R and Domination Inc., ended with multiple run-ins from Domination Inc. countered by run-ins from the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin, American Trucker, Average Joe, Tequila Sheila, The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin, ‘The Six foot tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill, and finally ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade. Let’s go to the ending…

ENDING: STARZ N. STRIPES vs. QUADRUPLE R MATCH
Suave: “WHAT THE-…IT’S THE SIX FOOT TALL DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT, DAWN McGILL!” McGill plants her stiletto heel right in Big Oil’s balls. Needless to say, Big Oil is capacitated. *SWACK* Suave: “SINGAPORE CANE SHOT!” Big Oil’s out. Texas Tex gets in her way. *SWACK* Texas Tex gets out of her way. McGill immediately marches towards McMann who’s in a bit of a spot missing his corporate security and corporate enforcer. *SWACK* Bradley Scott Wilson Esq. eliminated. *SWACK* Corporate Richard Emerson Brantley III eliminated. McMann: “WHISKEY!” Whiskey Tango Foxtrot spins around and sees McGill pointing the cane at McMann. Quad R covers Starz again. The referee is out of position again. Quad R jumps up and shoves the ref down. He points at Starz and goes to cover again. Suave: “This is probably it…one…two…NO!” The crowd explodes. Suave: “HE KICKED OUT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! AFTER ALL THAT, STARZ N. STRIPES KICKED OUT!” Quad R snaps. He starts kicking away at Starz. Quad R out of the ring. Grabs chair. Slides back in. *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “QUADRUPLE R’S LOST IT! STARZ CAN’T DEFEND HIMSELF! WAIT! HERE COMES THE RAVING REDNECK LOCKE AND LOADE!” Locke and Loade hit the ring. Loade snatches the chair. *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT STOPPED QUADRUPLE R IN HIS TRACKS! THERE HE GOES! REDNECK 4-D DEATH BLAST…YES!” A quick look over to Mr. McMann’s corner. He’s cowering. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is on his knees with his hands covering his privates. And Dawn McGill doesn’t look very happy. Suave: “LOCKE ROLLS STARZ N. STRIPES OVER ON QUADRUPLE R! ONE…TWO…THREE! YES!”

What you didn’t see was what took place after the match. After Domination Inc. skulked back to the locker room…

AFTER THE MATCH
A bruised, but defiant, PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin takes the mic backed by the American Trucker, Average Joe, Dave the Mechanic, Tequila Sheila, Starz N. Stripes, and the ‘Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade. Tessa: “Tonight, you saw what happens when ordinary people stick together and stand up for what is right.” The crowd cheers. Tessa: “Tonight, Juneau, Alaska has witnessed the birth of the Joe Six-packs. Together, we ordinary folks can do extraordinary things. Mr. McMann. Domination Inc. If you attack one of us, you attack all of us. And from this point forward, we will respond in kind.” Starz N. Stripes then takes the mic. Starz: “Last week, I rejected the values that Dick Cheney stood for and left the American Patriots. Tonight, I embrace the values put forth by these ordinary people of good character. Tonight, we stood up to the full corporate might of Domination Inc. and we did not back down. Tonight, I do not want to be known as Starz N. Stripes. I’m not a superhero. I’m no different than each of you here. My name is Kevin Scott. From this point forward, I want to be known as…Kevin Scott.”

Joe the Plumber wanders out to the ring. He climbs in. Joe the Plumber: “Um…say. As you know, my fifteen minutes of fame is just about up. I was wondering if I could…well, you know…join your group?” The Joe Sixpacks murmur to each other. Tessa approaches Joe the Plumber. Tessa: “Sure. What the hell.”

OTHER NEWS
Yes. Dr. Bill fractured his other ankle in the melee that took place during last night’s PCW Television title match between champion ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido and Dave the Mechanic. Dr. Bill now has two broken ankles and is now tooling around in a motorized wheelchair.

Rumor has it that PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) is in talks with the ‘Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill (American Patriots) about taking a PCW Security job. Rumor also has it that several members of the Progressive Alliance are not very happy about this development. More to come…