-The match between PCW Television Champion Chris Escondido and Dave the Mechanic was interrupted by another run-in by SNAFU and Dr. Bill. Escondido slapped the ankle lock on SNAFU first. And then this happened…
Dr. Bill limps up to the ring edge, holding his crutches with one hand. Suave: “That’s really not a good idea! *WHACK* HOLY CRAP! DR. BILL JUST CRACKED ESCONDIDO OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS CRUTCH!” Escondido stumbles back. Then his head clears and he sees Dr. Bill. Dr. Bill’s eyes widen. Escondido grabs him and flips Dr. Bill over the top rope. Then he grabs his good ankle and puts him in an ankle lock. Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!” Dr. Bill pounds the mat with his fists. SNAFU sees him…and something changes. He sets a chair up. He whips himself against the ropes, jumps from the chair onto the top rope, and then jumps back and nearly takes Escondido’s head off. Escondido lands flat on his back. Dr. Bill grabs his good ankle in pain. SNAFU folds the chair and hits the Arabian Facebuster on Escondido.
-And yes, Dr. Bill broke his other ankle.
-Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (American Patriots) made her PCW debut in Juneau, Alaska and looked very impressive in dispatching Emily List (Progressive Alliance). Kalee defeated List after hitting her with her finisher- the Eskimo Pieface.
-In an incredible match that saw run-ins galone, Starz N. Stripes (now Kevin Scott) pinned Quadruple R of Domination Inc to become the number one contender for the PCW title.
———————-
DOMINATION INC. SUITE
The associates of Domination Inc. prepares to go to the ring. Bradley Scott Wilson Esq., the official spokesperson of Domination Inc., is making sure everyone is ready. He notices that someone is missing. Wilson: “Okay. Where’s Quadruple R?”
GEORGE W’S OFFICE
W. is at his desk with the television on doing some paperwork. The door busts open and comes off the hinges. Quadruple R bursts in and points his finger at W. Quadruple R: YOU! You’ve screwed me over for the last time!” W: “How?” Quad R: “HOW? HOW! What do you call that bulls*** of everyone and their mother running in at the Alaska thing and costing me my title match?” Quadruple R pounds his fist on W’s desk. Quad R: “I want my title shot and I want it NOW!” W: “You want a title shot against PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama?” Quad R: “YES!” W: “Did you ask the competition committee about this?” Quad R: “NO! I don’t give a s*** about the ******* competition committee. YOU’RE still the PCW CEO. I demand my title shot that was royally ******* screwed out of me last week!” W: “Was that the number one contender’s match?” Quad R: “YES!” W: “Did you win?” Quad R: “NO! BUT I WAS SCREWED OVER-” W: “Oh. Sorry. Can’t help you then.” Quad R: “WHAT! W: “I can’t help you.” Quad R: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T HELP ME?” W: “That’s exactly what I said. Say, on your way out would you-ah…fix the door? You know, put it back on the hinges?” Quad R: “B-b-but-” W: “Thanks.”
Quad R quivers. His face turns beet red. He reaches down and tears off one of his shoes and heaves it at W. W moves to his right… *THWACK* … and the shoe hits the wall behind him. Undeterred, Quadruple R rips off his other shoe. Quad R: “Consider this your farewell gift you ******** dog!” He launches the second shoe at W. W doesn’t flinch… *THWACK* …the shoe misses him and again hits the wall behind him. W smirks. Quadruple R breathes heavy. W looks down at the shoes on the floor. W: “You missed.” Quadruple R pauses briefly…and then leaps at W but ‘Sports Entertainment Genius Mr. McMann and the rest of Domination Inc appear. Mr. McMann: “Oh no, you don’t!” McMann, Rough Justice’s D.B. Ruff grab Quad R and drag him kicking and screaming from the office.
PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- December 16th from Angola, Indiana. HOST: Johnny Suave
PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: HELLO AND WELCOME TO PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV!” Crowd (pointing at Johnny): “HE’S HARDCORE!..HE’S HARDCORE!…HE’S HARDCORE!…” Suave smiles as the chant rings loudly through the armory. Suave: “I suppose you’re referring to this…”
From 12/11-PCW Newsline:
INCIDENT SUNDAY NIGHT AFTER PCW SHOW IN JUNEAU, ALASKA
Crowd: “HE’S HARDCORE!…HE’S HARDCORE!…HE’S HARDCORE!” Suave nearly busts out laughing at the chant.
*“Greed. Greed is good. Greed is…really, really good.”*
Suave: “Well…I figured they’d show up tonight. Here comes Domination Inc.!” ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann leads the corporation towards the ring. He’s followed by CFO Gordon Guyko, Bradley Scott Wilson Esq.- Corporate Spokesman, Richard Emerson Brantley III- Corporate Secretary, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot- Corporate Enforcer, Rough Justice: Connor Justice and D.B. Ruff- 2 former police officers fired from their jobs for their extreme methods of law enforcement- Corporate Security, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil with Texas Tex and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, and a fuming Quadruple R. Mr. McMann takes a microphone and glares at Suave. Big Oil gingerly climbs into the ring. McMann: “Suave, I don’t care what happened that led to your little thing with Big Oil. The bottom line is that you are an announcer. You have no business whatsoever laying a hand on the talent- no matter what the provocation.” The crowd boos loudly. McMann: “SHUT UP! I’m not talking to you!” Of course, it only makes them boo even louder. McMann tries to ignore him. McMann: “So, I guess what I’m saying Suave, is that you owe Big Oil an apology.” Even louder boos erupt that McMann can’t talk over.
*Flute and Clarinet Flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…how they’ll get out of the building, no one knows. The crowd cheers as PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama appears with his Aide de Camp to be Joe Biden by his side. Obama gracefully walks to the ring and joins the party. Obama: “Hold on a second there, Mr. McMann. From what I’ve seen, if anyone owes someone an apology it’s Big Oil over there.” The crowd agrees. Crowd: “SAY- YOU’RE SORRY! (clap clap clap-clap-clap), SAY- YOU’RE SORRY! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…” Big Oil becomes agitated. Then small green peas begin to filter out from his wrestling trunks one by one and roll around the ring. Obama: “Uh…Mr. McMann. Would you mind telling your guy to stop ‘pea-ing’ in the ring?” A huge roar of laughter from the crowd follows. Big Oil looks slightly embarrassed. Mr. McMann goes ballistic. McMann: “EXCUSE ME! THESE ARE FINELY TUNED, TRAINED ATHLETES!” More peas fall out of Big Oil’s trunks causing more laughter. McMann: “The fact that you’re going to excuse the announcer for causing injury to one of PCW’s biggest stars is completely unacceptable! People don’t come here to see the ANNOUNCER! People come here to-” McMann gets interrupted by the crowd. Crowd: “**** HIM UP JOHNNY, **** HIM UP (clap-clap), **** HIM UP JOHNNY, **** HIM UP (clap-clap)” Obama shakes his head and tries not to laugh. Obama: “Suave. Go back to your announcer’s table.” Suave exits the ring.
Obama: “Okay. You were complaining about the run-ins over a week ago in Alaska, yes?” McMann: “Yes. I find it ridiculous that eight people ran in and interfered with the match.” Obama: “Okay. I want to go through your press release…”
From 12/11- PCW Newsline: DOMINATION INC. PRESS RELEASE
Obama: “Are you serious?” McMann: “What do you mean, am I serious? Yes, I’m serious.” Obama: “Okay. Explain this?”
REPLAY- PART OF STARZ N. STRIPES/QUADRUPLE R MATCH FROM 12/7 PCW IN ALASKA:
…Mr. McMann confers with Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Kathryn Randall Collins and Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Then they redeploy. Big Oil goes to one corner. Kirk Walstreit to another. Daisy Cutter-Bomb to a third corner. KRC stays with Mr. McMann. Starz’s gaze flits from corner to corner to corner. Quadruple R back on the ring edge. Suave: “Starz is essentially surrounded now…
McMann: “What! They came to me and wanted to get a better vantage point to watch the match. I told them the best place to watch would be in the corner.” Obama: “Riiiight. Okay…explain this…”
REPLAY #2- STARZ N. STRIPES/QUADRUPLE R MATCH FROM 12-7 PCW IN ALASKA:
…Quad R back in the ring. Starz stays very close to middle. Quad R him circles like a shark measuring his prey. They lock up again. Quad R gets the leverage and pushes him into Big Oil’s corner. Big Oil clubs Starz in the back and drives him down on the mat…
Obama: “You want to explain that?” McMann: “Sure. Quadruple R pushed Starz so hard that he bumped into Big Oil and he accidently hit Starz. Look, I don’t see where this-”
REPLAY #3- STARZ N. STRIPES/QUADRUPLE R MATCH FROM 12-7 PCW IN ALASKA:
…Quad R attacks. Kicks to the gut. Kicks to the leg. The crowd again boos. Big Oil grabs Starz’s legs and crotches him on the steel ring post..
Obama: “And what about that?” McMann: Big Oil lost his balance and tried to grab the first thing he could. It was an accident. It could have happened to-”
REPLAY #4- STARZ N. STRIPES/QUADRUPLE R MATCH FROM 12-7 PCW IN ALASKA:
…Big Oil grabs Starz’s legs and crotches him on the steel ring post. Big Oil elbow drop on Starz’s leg…
Obama looks at Mr. McMann with his arms extended outward to say “okay, explain that?” Mr. McMann: “Regardless, that still doesn’t excuse the excessive run-ins from PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin, Average Joe, The American Trucker, Tequila Sheila, Dawn McGill, Sarah Palin, and the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade. Now, are you going to do something about it or not?” Obama: “Yes.” Mr. McMann: “Well…good. So…what are you going to do?” Obama: “Well, for starters. I’m NOT vacating the match that took place in Alaska. I’m announcing that next week on PCW Extreme Political TV’s Christmas Edition, Kevin Scott, formerly Starz N. Stripes, will face O’Beck Bahama for the PCW Title.” McMann doesn’t like that one bit. Neither does Quadruple R who immediately begins to make a beeline towards Obama but is held back by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
Obama: “The second order of business tonight is to name a number one contender for the PCW Women’s Title.” McMann doesn’t like that much either. PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins looks on pensively. Obama: “Since, ‘Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree has decided to take an extended leave from PCW, I have decided to move up ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin to the #1 contender’s spot.” Suave: “YES!” McMann is furious. Obama: “And least, but not least, in lieu of Mr. McMann’s concerns and the actions taken by Domination Inc. over the past few months, I have decided to appoint a Security Director for PCW. Would the new PCW Security Director please come out?” A spotlight illuminates the back. ‘Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill comes out. Mr. McMann looks shocked. Suave: “YES! OH HELL, YES!”
REPLAY #5- STARZ N. STRIPES/QUADRUPLE R MATCH FROM 12-7 PCW IN ALASKA:
…A quick look over to Mr. McMann’s corner. He’s cowering. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is on his knees with his hands covering his private with Dawn McGill standing in front of him…
Obama: “You see, Mr. McMann. She may be a member of the American Patriots. But I’m determined to put the best people in the right spots. Dawn McGill is the right person for this job.” McGill climbs in the ring and walks over to Obama. They shake hands and then McGill leaves. Suave: “Well, I guess the moral to this story is ‘be careful what you wish for.’ Dawn McGill is the new PCW Security Director.”
PCW Newsline:
COLEMAN AND FRANKEN III ON PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED THURSDAY NIGHT ON P-SPAN
UPCOMING SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
MATCH #1 KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen (American Patriots) vs. ‘Trailer Park Honey’ TANYA HARDY w/the White Trash Posse (Independent)
Suave: “It’s been awhile since we saw the ‘Trailer Park Honey’ Tanya Hardy here in PCW. She’s put a little weight and she doesn’t look to be in the best of shape. We’ll see how she fares against the up and coming Kalee Jones from Alaska.” The bell rings. Lock up in the middle. Jones pushes Hardy back. Hardy charges. Kalee lifts her up and power slams her to the canvas. Elbow drop. Kalee pulls her up. Chops to the chest. Suave: “WOW! You could hear that ‘smack’ out in the parking lot.” Vertical suplex by Kalee. Tanya isn’t moving a whole lot now. Again, Kalee drags Tanya up. Poke to the eye by Hardy. Kalee takes two steps back. The White Trash Posse hit the ring. Zac tries to use a baton on Kalee’s knee. Kalee kicks Zac in the groin. Then she Alaskan Piefaces him. Donny is the next one up. He misses the baton shot. Kick to the groin by Kalee. Alaskan Pieface. Hardy charges. Kalee catches her and belly-to-belly suplexes Hardy hard into the corner. Kalee sets her up…Alaskan Pieface. Suave: “Good night. One. Two. Three.”
WINNER: KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen
Suave: “The Eskimo Queen looked pretty dominant in there tonight. She may be on track to get a shot at the number one contender slot for the PCW Women’s title.”
MONTAGE OF DR. BILL/ ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO FEUD:
11/4/08 AFTERMATH OF FUBAR/CHRIS ESCONDIDO MATCH at PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
…Escondido cinches in the ankle lock and Dr. Bill is in extreme pain. Dr. Bill quickly tries to tap out but Escondido doesn’t release the hold. Several referees run out and finally Escondido releases the ankle lock. Dr. Bill rolls around holding his fight in major discomfort…
11/25/08 DR. BILL PROMO on 11/25 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
Dr. Bill: “Chris Escondido. You snapped my ankle, you bastard, and now you’re going to pay.” Dr. Bill motions to someone to join him. It’s SNAFU. Dr. Bill: “That’s right. My track record speaks for itself- I’m one for one. If I can take FUBAR from the jobber ranks and turn him into a legitimate wrestler, I can do it with anyone. In SNAFU, I’ve found someone who’s willing to pay the price. I’ve found someone who wants to be a champion. Take it from me, if you want to be a champion, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon. You’re going to get it one way or another…”
12/7/08 END OF CHRIS ESCONDIDO/DAVE the MECHANIC MATCH at PCW IN ALASKA
Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!”
Dr. Bill leads SNAFU to the ring. He is in a motorized wheelchair with both ankles in casts and propped up in front of him. Suave: “We’re about to get our first real glance at the new look SNAFU with a injured Dr. Bill leading him on.”
MATCH #2- SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs. MICHAEL HUNT of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surname
The bell rings. SNAFU comes out aggressive. He chases Hunt into the corner. Hunt tries to stick his foot through the ropes. SNAFU grabs him and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker with Hunt hung up in the ropes. Suave: “Okay. That looked pretty good.” SNAFU standing drop kicks Hunt next. Suave: “Hey. That looked all right too. Maybe SNAFU’s turning over a new leaf…” SNAFU leaves, grabs a chair, climbs back in, sets up. He whips himself into the ropes. Leaps off the chair. Tries to land on the top rope. And crotches himself. Suave: “…or maybe not.” SNAFU topples over and both wrestlers are pretty much out of it. Hunt finally manages to get himself untangled from the ropes. Leg drop on SNAFU. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! I THINK THAT’S THE FIRST OFFENSIVE MOVE MICHAEL HUNT HAS PULLED OFF IN THE OVER THREE AND A HALF YEARS HE’S BEEN HERE!” Second leg drop. Hunt goes for a third but SNAFU sticks his leg up and meets Hunt’s face. Hunt spins twice before falling to the canvas. SNAFU grabs the chair. Suave: “ARABIAN FACEBUSTER! ARABIAN FACEBUSTER! SNAFU COVERS. ONE…TWO…THREE! HE’S WON!”
WINNER: SNAFU
SNAFU celebrates in the ring. Suave: “Well, how do you like that? SNAFU won a match on the same day that Michael Hunt actually got an offensive move in. I believe the word ‘hell freezing over’ may apply here.” SNAFU climbs out and goes over to Dr. Bill. He high fives Dr. Bill…a little too hard. Dr. Bill’s thrown back into his wheelchair which causes the chair to tip backwards. Dr. Bill: “OWWWWWW!” Dr. Bill’s two legs stick straight up. Dr. Bill: “SNAFU…COME BACK! SNAFUUUUUUUU…”
CAROLINE KENNEDY
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! I never thought I’d see the day where Caroline Kennedy is standing in a PCW ring.” Kennedy: “I just wanted to come out here to reinforce my decision to actively seek the U.S. Senate seat held by Hillary Clinton. I know that in the past, I went out of my way to stay out of the public limelight. But in working for Barack Obama in his quest to become the next PCW CEO, I discovered that I could deal with making public appearances and it reawakened my desire for public service. So it is with humility, and a- OOOOOF…” Suave: “What the- IT’S FRAN DRESCHER! SHE JUST TACKLED CAROLINE KENNEDY! IT’S A CATFIIIIIIIGHT! CATFIIIIIGHT! CATFIIIIIIIIIGHT!” Quickly, the fracas ends and Caroline Kennedy is whisked to a waiting limo. Suave: “You know, I also never thought I’d ever use ‘catfight’ and ‘Caroline Kennedy’ in the same sentence either.”
REPLAY- END OF JACK AND BULL SCHETT/BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT MATCH AT 11/4 PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT
In the ring, chokeslam by Big Oil on Jack Schett. Bull Schett powerbombs Kirk Walstreit. Big Oil and Bull then go at it. Suave: “QUADRUPLE R’S IN THE RING. HE’S GOT A CHAIR *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! HE BENT THAT CHAIR ON BULL SCHETT’S SKULL!” Bull down. Ruff throws Big Oil one of the Schett’s bricks. Jack is back up and stumbling around the ring. Suave: “OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! *WHAP* HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil breaks the brick over Jack Schett’s head. The brick explodes on impact and Jack’s out. Big Oil covers. 1…2…3. Suave: “WE’VE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”
Jack Schett and Bull Schett in the ring. No talking tonight.
MATCH #3 JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. GREEN WORLD ORDER: GREENPETE AND ‘Extreme Vegan’ BROCK COLE LEE w/ PeaceNick and Peta from PETA
The bell rings. Jack Schett and Brock Cole Lee to start. Jack pastes Lee in the jaw and immediately throws him out of the ring. PeaceNick tries to intervene in the name of non-violence. Horst Schett sics the Extreme Schnauzer Hans Gruber on him. The dog chases PeaceNick around the ring. Jack drags Lee out into the crowd. He grabs a chair. *CLANG* Stiff chairshot rocks Lee’s world. GreenPete flies off a chair and dives on Bull Schett. Bull shrugs it off and crotches GreenPete on the post. He grabs a chair and whacks him with it. PeaceNick is still running around. Horst Schett produces an aerosol can and sprays PeaceNick in the face. Then Hans Gruber sinks his teeth into him. Peta from PETA jumps on Horst’s back. Horst leans forward and Peta goes flying off. To the ring, Bull Schett drags GreenPete back into the ring and pummels him in the corner. He calls for a brick and Horst hands it to him. Bull climbs up the turnbuckle, slips the brick in the back of his tights, and jumps on GreenPete butt first. Suave: “SCHETT BRICK! SCHETT BRICK! SCHETT BRICK!” Bull hooks the leg. 1…2…3…
WINNER: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT
Suave: “AN IMPRESSIVE RETURN FROM JACK AND BULL SCHETT! IN TWO DAYS, WE ARE IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA FOR PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED. NORM COLEMAN FACES OFF ONE LAST TIME AGAINST AL FRANKEN IN A STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH! THE FIRST TWO MATCHES HAVE BEEN INSANE. HOW CAN THEY TOP IT? WHO WILL PUT AN END TO THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. SEE YOU IN TWO DAYS.
Prairie Depot Press- Home of Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction
Filed under: 2008 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, Election 2008, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, Politics, Pro Wrestling, Small Town America, democrats, joe six pack, political satire, red state, republicans | Tagged: Al Franken, Barack Obama, big oil, Caroline Kennedy, ECW, Extreme Championship Wrestling, Norm Coleman, TNA, Vince McMahon, World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE
