LAST WEEK ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV:
-‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann gets bent about incident involving PCW Announcer Johnny Suave and Big Oil and complains about the run-ins in the Quadruple R- Starz N. Stripes Match the week before. PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama comes out and dismisses McMann’s claims and announces that Kevin Scott (formerly Starz N. Stripes) and PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama will meet next week on PCW Extreme Political TV.
-Obama also names ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin the #1 contender for the PCW Women’s title.
-Kalee Jones-The Eskimo Queen wins her second PCW match handily over ‘Trailer Park Honey’ Tanya Hardy.
-SNAFU wins his first match since hooking up with Dr. Bill and changing his gimmick
-Jack Schett and Bull Schett make a successful return to PCW by defeating Green World Order’s GreenPete and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee
PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- December 23th from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Westville, OH. HOST: Johnny Suave
PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
Johnny Suave and his sidekick, a life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain at the recent CMA’s, are in the ring.
Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “HELLO AND WELCOME TO PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV! WE ARE LIVE FROM THE SPIRITUAL HOME OF PCW- HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE! THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN! AND EVERYONE IS STILL TALKING ABOUT WHAT TOOK PLACE THURSDAY NIGHT. A HUGE, HUGE CONTROVERSY CONCERNING THE ENDING OF THE AL FRANKEN/NORM COLEMAN MATCH IS THE TALK OF PCW! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO MISSED IT…LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT TOOK PLACE…
REPLAY FROM 12/18 PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED: ENDING OF AL FRANKEN/NORM COLEMAN MATCH
Franken crawls back into the ring. Suave: “Franken can’t even stand up.” Coleman also crawls back to the ring. Franken reaches the ladder. Coleman crawls into the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going up. But Coleman is right behind him.” Franken’s about two rungs ahead of Coleman as both climb up opposite sides of the ladder. Franken reaches the top rung first. Coleman’s close enough to where he can start swinging at Franken. Both men try to push each other off the ladder. Franken stands and grabs for the briefcase. Coleman stands and he tries to reach the briefcase. Both latch on to the briefcase at the same time. The ladder suddenly becomes unbalanced. Both Franken and Coleman try to push the other off. Both grab at the briefcase. Lamb: “Isn’t it dangerous for two men to climb up a ladder to try to grab an object suspended in the air?” Suave: “Yes. That’s why you don’t see many ladder- HOLY CRAP! THE LADDER’S FALLING…RIGHT FOR US! BRIAN GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Lamb: “Huh? What?”
Suave: “Here is the joint statement by PCW CEO George W. and PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama concerning the controversial ending to Coleman/Franken match on Saturday.”
Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…“HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “Am I on…hello…okay…THE LADDER TIPPED OVER. FRANKEN AND COLEMAN FOUGHT FOR POSSESSION OF THE BRIEFCASE AS THE LADDER FELL. THE BAD NEWS- THEY JUST DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE. THE GOOD NEWS- SOMETHING SOFT BROKE THEIR FALL. THE BAD NEWS- BRIAN LAMB OF P-SPAN WAS THE SOFT THING THAT BROKE THEIR FALL. I DIDN’T SEE WHO HAD WHAT. THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SORT THIS OUT. THE CROWD IS GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!…HUH?…OH…OKAY…THE REFEREE IS GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER…LET’S GO TO THE RING.” Referee: “Okay. This is what I saw. Norm Coleman had possession-” The crowd explodes. Pro-Coleman and Franken chants erupt. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS BEEN DECLARED THE WINNER! THE REFEREE SAW THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AND CALLED HIM THE WINNER! FRANKEN IS PISSED. HE IMMEDIATELY CONFRONTS THE REFEREE AND HE’S LIGHTING HIM UP! COLEMAN’S OUT OF HERE. HE TOOK THE BRIEFCASE AND LIMPED OUT OF THE CAGE AS QUICKLY AS HE COULD. WHAT? FRANKEN’S CLAIMING THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AT THE BOTTOM BUT COLEMAN TOOK IT AWAY WHEN THE REFEREE CAME!
“As everyone is aware, a huge controversy has erupted over the end of the Norm Coleman/Al Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch. Norm Coleman was declared the winner after the ladder that both he and Al Franken were on toppled over with both men fighting for the briefcase. At that time, the referee determined that Coleman and Franken simultaneously grabbed the suitcase which meant that whomever had control of the suitcase when they hit the ground would win the match. When the referee went over to the announcer’s table, he saw that Coleman had clear possession of the briefcase and called it accordingly.However, Al Franken strenuously contends that he had possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground and that Coleman took it away from him just as the referee arrived on scene. We have no way to confirm this because both P-SPAN camera covering the event were on the other side of the ring. When the ladder went down, it went down going away from the camera which meant that there was a time period where both wrestlers disappeared from view.As of right now, the call made on the scene stands. However, PCW will investigate Mr. Franken’s claims and try to locate any evidence that might indicate that he in fact did have possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground. If we can find such evidence, we will overturn the decision made by the referee and award the match to Mr. Franken. We hope to have some type of decision made as early as Tuesday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV.”
*flute and clarinet flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…how they’ll get out of the building, no one knows. The crowd cheers as PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama appears with his Aide de Camp to be Joe Biden by his side. Obama gracefully walks to the ring.
Next out is a horribly off-key mariachi band playing and wickedly awful version of ‘Hail to the Chief.’ PCW CEO George W. comes out with his Aide de Camp Dick and walks towards the ring. W. cringes at some especially egregious hit notes that the off-key mariachi band plays. Suave: “You know…I’m not going to miss that band.” George W and Dick climb into the ring. W. goes to a podium and joins Obama there…
FRANKEN/COLEMAN DECISION
W.: “All right, y’all. CEO-Designate Obama and I have come out to here announce that we’ve made a decision concerning-” W stops when the bickering going on behind him between Joe Biden and Dick heats up. Biden sticks his finger in Dick’s chest. Dick wags his finger right back at Biden. W: “Um, guys. Do you mind?” Biden and Dick sheepishly walk to opposite sides. W: “As I was saying, we’ve made a decision about the Al Franken/Norm Coleman controversy last Thursday. As you already know, the referee made the call Thursday night that because he saw Norm Coleman with possession of the briefcase, he was awarded the match. However, certain evidence has come to light. Barack? Obama: “Thank you, W. Chris Stellar from the Minnesota Independent came forward with his cell phone camera that recorded what happened as the ladder fell with both Coleman and Franken on it.
CELL PHONE CAMERA ACCOUNT
Coleman and Franken battle. They both grab the suitcase. The ladder becomes unstable and starts to fall. Both men wrestle in the air for possession of the briefcase. The ladder falls directly towards PCW Announcer Johnny Suave’s table. Suave and guest color analyst Brian Lamb from P-SPAN see the ladder falling. Suave dives out of the way. Lamb attempts to cushion the fall. The ladder stops at the ropes and both Coleman and Franken go through the table. Franken clearly has possession of the briefcase. The referee slides out of the ring. Coleman snatches the briefcase away…
Obama: “So, as you can see. We have indisputable proof that Al Franken had possession of the briefcase when both men hit the floor. George W. and I have conferred and we both agree that the only fair thing to do is to award the match to Al Franken.
Half the crowd roars. The other half boos. Suave: “THERE YOU HAVE IT! AL FRANKEN IS THE WINNER OF THURSDAY NIGHT’S STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH!” Coleman is pissed. He and Franken begin to talk. It quickly becomes heated. Franken taunts Coleman. Coleman attacks Franken. Suave: “HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Both W and Obama clear the ring. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS GONE BERSERK! HE IS PUMMELING FRANKEN…WAIT! HERE COMES THE PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR- SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT- DAWN McGILL!” McGill and her Singapore cane climb into the ring. She drags Coleman away from Franken. Coleman fights it. McGill Russian Leg Sweeps Coleman with the cane and he falls backwards. Suave: “McGILL TRYING TO BREAK THIS UP. SHE TELLS COLEMAN TO GET OUT OF THE RING. FRANKEN TAUNTS COLEMAN! COLEMAN SNAPS RIGHT UP. McGILL AGAIN PULLS COLEMAN AWAY! FRANKEN CONTINUES TO TAUNT COLEMAN! COLEMAN PUSHES FRANKEN! FRANKEN SLAPS…OHHHH, NO. COLEMAN DUCKS AND FRANKEN SLAPS DAWN McGILL!” McGill’s eyes blaze with fury. She immediately heaves Coleman head first out of the ring. Then she starts slowly towards Franken. Suave: “Al, you just made one of the biggest mistakes ever in your life…and yes, that includes Stuart Smalley- the movie. This gal has sterilized more men with her six inch stilettos than most doctors do in a career.” Backpedeling, Franken tries to apologize. *THWACK* Apparently, it’s not accepted. *THWACK* Franken spins and falls to the canvas. Suave: “Well, I guess Dawn McGill passed her first test as the PCW Security Director!”
TONIGHT’S CARD
-PCW TV Title match between ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido © (Progressive Alliance) and Joe Sixpack’s Dave the Mechanic (formerly FUBAR)
DOMINATION INC.
Another top item was the installation of ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin as the new #1 contender for the PCW Women’s title. One of the ideas floated at the board meeting was bringing in another women’s wrestler to act as a ‘block’ to protect PCW Women’s champion Kathryn Randall Collins.
Again, the top priority is getting the PCW Title within the corporation. Quadruple R chomps at the bit to go after O’Beck Bahama full bore but feels Domination Inc. is holding him back.
UPCOMING SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
MATCH #1 EMILY LIST (Progressive Alliance) vs. SOCCER MOM of Opal’s Flock (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “This is Emily List’s second match in PCW.” Soccer Mom yells ‘It’s for the children!’ and charges at List. She lays List out with a forearm. But she loses her focus after hitting a kick to the guts and mocking List’s pain. List reverses into a SLEEPER! Suave: “SLEEPER HOLD! SLEEPER HOLD!” The referee checks Soccer Mom, one. He check her again, two. He checks her a third time…she’s out.
WINNER: EMILY LIST
Suave: “List impressive with a quick win over Soccer Mom!”
PCW CEO-DESIGNATE BARACK OBAMA’S OFFICE
The Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) stomp into Obama’s office. Obama: “Um…can I help you?” Peta: “We…the Green World Order…demand that you put a stop to the celebration of Christmas here in PCW. For two years, George W did nothing. Now that we have a new PCW CEO, it’s high time that someone does something about-”
Rick Warren enters Obama’s office. Warren: “Hey Barack.” Obama: “Hey Pastor Rick. Meet the Green World Order.” Peta’s face turns beet red. She tries to speak but nothing comes out. Peta finally stomps back out of Obama’s office with the rest of the Green World Order.
MATCH #2 ‘Raving Rednecks’ LOCKE and LOADE (Joe Sixpacks) vs. A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB (American Patriots)
Suave: “Tag team action as we try to determine the next #1 contender for the PCW Tag Team belts.” Locke and A-Bomb to start. A-Bomb lays in some particularly stiff looking blows. Stalling vertical suplex! Locke up in the air forever. A-Bomb starts chopping Locke. Locke is forced back into the corner. Snap Suplex by A-Bomb. Locke escapes and tags in Loade. Loade cleans house on A-Bomb who gets his nose cut. Loade works the nose. Loade holds A-Bomb in place and Locke dropkicks him. Locke and Loade team up for a back suplex/dropkick spot. A-Bomb is bleeding all over the place. That’s a gusher! Locke doesn’t care and running powerbombs A-Bomb into the buckles! A-Bomb is hurt badly! He gets held up unprotected by Loade and Locke double stomps his ribs. Locke covers. 1…2…H-Bomb breaks up the count. Hot tag to H-Bomb! He dishes out a super-energized beating. H-Bomb is pissed off. He’s energized, explosive, and flying across the ring. Body slam. Suplex. H-Bomb covers…gets 2 before Loade breaks the count. A-Bomb flies in but Locke sees him coming and cuts him off. H-Bomb attempts the Lungblower but Loade nails him with a backbreaker. Spinebuster from Loade. German superplex. Loade covers. 1…2…A-Bomb breaks it up. Locke blasts him from behind. H-Bomb delivers a forearm to Locke. Loade atomic drops H-Bomb. Crowd: “This is awesome (clap clap, clap-clap-clap)”
Loade hits coast to coast dropkick on H-Bomb! Loade to the top turnbuckle. Frog splash…H-Bomb lifts the knees! A-Bomb gets in there with the gutbuster on Loade. Everyone in now and H-Bomb eats a brainbuster! Falcon Arrow from Loade to A-Bomb but H-Bomb makes the save. Locke throws A-Bomb out of the ring. Loade up for the double team missile dropkick/powerbomb combination on H-Bomb. 4-D REDNECK DEATH BLAST. Loade covers. 1…2…3.
WINNER: ‘Raving Rednecks’ LOCKE and LOADE
Suave: “Entertaining match between two original PCW tag teams. Locke and Loade continue their resurgence as they attempt to get a PCW title shot.
Filed under: 2008 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, Election 2008, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, Politics, Pro Wrestling, Small Town America, democrats, fiction, joe six pack, political satire, red state, republicans | Tagged: Al Franken, ECW, Extreme Championship Wrestling, Norm Coleman, TNA, World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE
