Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…
Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Charlene Ann Beckworth climbs into the ring to announce the first match. Charlene Ann: “Our match tonight is a tag team match. On there way to the ring at this time, representing the American Heartland Coalition, The Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade!!!” Locke and Loade raise their hands. Charlene Ann: “Their opponents tonight have the Alaskan Pitbull, Sarah Palin in their corner.” Mixed cheers and boos. Charlene Ann: “From SarahPAC, they are Grizzly Adam and Hunter the Hunter!!”
MATCH #1 The Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (American Heartland Coalition) vs. Hunter the Hunter and Grizzly Adam w/The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
The bell sounds. Grizzly Adam and Loade to start. Palin and Hunter the Hunter immediately throw a table into the ring. Loade executes a pumphandle suplex on Grizzly Adam. Ace Crusher thru the table! Loade gets up. Earl Loade moves back to his feet. Earl Loade gorilla press slams Grizzly Adam thru a table! Earl Loade locks Grizzly Adam in the full nelson. The ref asks Grizzly Adam if he quits…he doesn’t. Loade tightens the hold but Grizzly escapes. and tags in Hunter the Hunter. Hunter kicks Earl Loade in the stomach and executes the sitdown face slam. Hunter puts Earl Loade through the ring table onto mat with a jackhammer!! Hunter then moonsaults from the top rope and squashes Loade. Loade pulls himself up. Gary Locke gets involved and Grizzly Adam uses a snap mare takeover on him. Grizzly Adam and Locke move into the ring. Hunter set up his bear trap in the corner and then drives his elbow into Loade with an elbow drop from the top rope! Hunter pulls Loade up and throws him back into the ring.
Loade stumbles back to his feet. He gets whipped into the corner by Hunter and *SNAP*…gets his foot caught in the Bear Trap. Grizzly Adam has Locke in a bear hug. Loade taps out.
Charlene Ann: “The winners of this match, Grizzly Adam and Hunter the Hunter!!!”
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ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS DRESSING ROOM
Movie Classic enters the dressing room. Jimmy from So Cal- Jim Rome clone wannabee, Michael Hunt and Richard Headd of ‘Guys With Unfortunate Names, Dredd Pirate Douggie, Dick Van Dam, Mr. Jaundice, and Captain Nausea all sit on wooden benches with their heads down. Movie Classic: “What’s the problem?” Jimmy from SoCal: “Nothing’s changed. We’re still the lowest of the low. The bottom of the PCW totem pole. The designated talent enhancement. We’re still losing more matches than winning.” Dick Van Dam: “You said things would change.” Michael Hunt: “Yeah.”
Movie Classic glares at Hunt. Movie Classic: “Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg?” Michael Hunt: “Who’s Lt. Weinburg?” Movie Classic: “That’s not important. I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines.” Michael Hunt: “Santiago?” Richard Headd: “The Marines?” Dredd Pirate Douggie: “Shhh. I’m trying to follow…” Movie Classic:“You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know.” Michael Hunt: “Huh? Know about what?” Movie Classic: “That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you don’t want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!” Quiet follows. Michael Hunt: “Okay…I don’t follow. Who’s Santiago? What blanket of freedom do you provide? And what weapon are you talking about.” Movie Classic: “You want answers?” Michael Hunt: “Well…yeah.” Movie Classic: “You want answers?” Michael Hunt: “I said yeah…huh?…oh…. *clears throat* I want the truth.” Movie Classic: “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” Another pause follows. Michael Hunt: “Oh.” Hunt rifles through a script. Michael Hunt: “Here we are. Did you order the code red?” Movie Classic: “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DID! NOW GO OUT THERE AND KICK SOME ASS!” Mr. Jaundice: “Ah, sir?” Movie Classic: “YES!” Mr. Jaundice: “We’re not the next match.” Movie Classic: “WE’RE NOT — DAMMIT?” Mr. Jaundice: “Um…no.” Movie Classic: “….oh.”
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Charlene Ann: Our next match is another tag team match. In this corner, the former PCW Tag Team Champions -Jack Schett and Bull Schett!! Their opponents, the team of Green World Order. The Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) walk to the ring.
MATCH #2 Jack Schett and Bull Schett w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. GreenPete and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (Green World Order)
The bell rings. Jack Schett sends GreenPete to the corner of the ring. Jack throws GreenPete off the ropes and hits him with a diving shoulder block. Jack hits GreenPete with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle and thene eats a diving elbow smash from Jack. Jack makes the tag to Bull Schett. Bull lariats GreenPete. Bull follows up with a jawbreaker on GreenPete. Bull measures GreenPete up and drops a closed fist. Bull Schett grabs a chair from Jack and puts it on GreenPete’s head. Bull leg drops GreenPete’s face in the chair. GreenPete is bleeding! Cover. One… GreenPete kicks out.
GreenPete ducks a lariat and tags Brock Cole Lee in. GreenPete then low blows Bull. That brings in Jack Schett who chokes the Extreme Vegan with his boot. They lockup. Bull nails Brock Cole Lee with a belly-to-back suplex and then applies an arm wrench. Lee low blows Bull and tags in GreenPete. They lockup. Bull takes GreenPete down with a knee. Jack slides another chair in the ring. Bull grabs GreenPete…runs to the center of the ring…running Powerslam on the chair!! Bull climbs the corner turnbuckle. Jack puts a brick in the back of his trunks. Bull jumps…and on the Schett Brick on GreenPete. Cover. One…two…three.
Charlene Ann: The winners of this match, Jack Schett and Bull Schett!!!
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PCW NEWSLINE:
DOMINATION INC. PRESS RELEASE
Domination Inc. would like to express our displeasure at the current PCW rankings. There’s no justification for our 7 Foot Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie to drop to third this week. BMW destroyed four men in two matches on TV this week. What did Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson aka…Quad R, do to deserve jumping into second and how does a Domination Inc. reject merit over the hottest thing going in PCW? Quadruple R couldn’t cut it in Domination Inc. because he isn’t half the sports entertainer that BMW is.
Our second bone of contention is in the women’s rankings. It’s bad enough that ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin stole the title two months ago from Domination Inc. But Kathryn Randall Collins ranked as the #1 contender? Another wrestler who couldn’t get the job done at Domination Inc.? Mercedes would have been a far more appropriate choice. With the full backing of Domination Inc. behind her, Mercedes will make a great women’s champion.
Once BMW dethrones PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama, Mercedes wins back our PCW Women’s title, and Big Oil and Walstreit be the team players I believe they are and hand the Tag Team belts to Cadillac and Jaguar, PCW will finally have four champions worthy of being called sports entertainers.We call on PCW to stop hiding and protecting O’Beck Bahama from Big Monster Wahlie and make the match. Otherwise, BMW will continue to wreak havoc through PCW, eliminating one wrestler after another until Bahama’s the only one left and he has no choice but to face him.
ABOUT DOMINATION INC.: Domination Inc. is a wrestling consortium that competes in Political Championship Wrestling. Our stated goal is to be THE single dominating force in PCW by any and all means necessary.
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NEWS AND VIEWS- PCW INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER WOODWARD BERNSTEIN
American Patriots/I-Bomb and H-Bomb
As reported earlier, Incendiary Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb were furious at American Patriots CEO Michael Steele for botching a run-in and costing them the match Wednesday night. I-Bomb and H-Bomb walked out of the arena without any further communication with American Patriots representatives. The situation is not getting any better.
Progressive Alliance/Jack Schett and Bull Schett
Not much more on this front to report. It appears that Nancy Pelosi is not all that keen on the Schetts and is looking to replace them as the PA’s number one tag team. This despite the fact that the Schetts are the #1 contender for the PCW Tag Team belts (and won their match tonight). Keep an eye on this as it continues to develop.
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Charlene Ann: This match is for the PCW Television Title title. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 170 pounds, from Parts Unknown a member of Island of Misfit Wrestlers accompanied by Movie Classic, Mr. Jaundice!!!” Crowd cheers” Mr. Jaundice comes to the ring. Charlene Ann: “And his opponent, weighing in at 224 pounds, from Cincinnati, Ohio. He’s a member of Progressive Alliance and accompanied by ‘Rahm-bo” Rahm Emanuel. He is the PCW Television Champion- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido!!!”
MATCH #3 For the PCW Television Title: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido w/Rahm Emanuel (c) (Progressive Alliance) vs. Mr. Jaundice w/Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
Mr. Jaundice checks his boots. Escondido checks out the ring. The bell sounds. Mr. Jaundice hits a jumping sidekick on Escondido right out of the box. Escondido shakes it off and suplexes Mr. Jaundice. Mr. Jaundice back to his feet and he dropkicks Escondido. Jaundice puts the PCW TV champ in an arm grapevine submission. Escondido escapes and bulldogs Mr. Jaundice. Rahm Emanuel throws Mr. Jaundice a chair…Escondido dropkicks the chair into his face! Movie Classic then drags Escondido to the floor. Mr. Jaundice tries a missile dropkick. Emanuel runs in pulls him off the top rope. Escondido back in. He gives Mr. Jaundice a Suplex right into the chair!! Escondido grabs him from behind…belly to belly suplex. Bulldog by Escondido. CATTLE MUTILATION! Mr. Jaundice is stuck. Escondido tightens the hold and Mr. Jaundice taps out.
Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, and still PCW Television Title champion, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido!!!”
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BACKSTAGE
The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Eric Alterman, Jane Hamsher, and Media Matters for America) stand over the unconscious bodies of Dana Perino, ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card aka…W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad. Daily Kos: “It’s payback time.”
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PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama walks to the ring with ‘Not Just Unbearable…Not Just Intolerable…He is…” Justin Sufferable. Sufferable: “All right. We’ve been hearing for two weeks now that the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama is hiding from Domination Inc’s seven foot tall Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie. Mr. McMann? We’re here. Come on out and let’s play.”
Domination Inc CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann obliges and comes out. Sufferable: “Where is he? He’s here. Let’s do it, now!” McMann: “I’m afraid that Big Monster Wahlie isn’t here tonight.” The crowd boos. McMann: “He’s had…a training accident.” Sufferable: “I’m sorry. A training accident?” McMann: “Yes. A training accident.” Sufferable: “You expect me to believe that after two weeks of talking smack against the PCW champion, that your guy isn’t here tonight because of a training accident?” McMann nods. Bahama takes the mic. Bahama: “Then tell your guy to be in Marietta, Ohio Wednesday night for PCW Extreme Political TV and we’ll settle this once and for all.”
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MAIN EVENT: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. KaleeJones-The Eskimo Queen w/Sarah Palin
Charlene Ann: “Her opponent is from the Progressive Alliance, weighing in at 175 pounds, from Chappaqua, accompanied by Hillary Clinton, Kathryn Randall Collins!!! Kalee charges and drops KRC with a Gorilla Press Slam on the mat. The bell rings. Kalee chops KRC on the floor. KRC jabs back and hits an elbowsmash to the face. Kalee t-bone suplexes KRC. Both women finally climb into the ring.
They lockup. Collins sent to the corner. Kalee goes for a leg drop but KRC dodges the attack and scoots to the floor. Jones follows and uses a closed fist on KRC. Kalee follows up with a back fist. KRC with a punch to the head. They head back into the ring. Kalee rakes her fingers across KRC’s back. Kalee with a kick to the back of the leg. Arm wrench applied. Body slam. Kalee goes for a pin. One…two…KRC kicks out. Collins gets back to her feet. Snap mare takeover by Kalee. Kalee gets KRC with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Cover …one. KRC escapes. James Carville, Paul Begala, Rahm Emanuel run to the ring. Carville smashes the chair into Kalee’s face!! She’s busted open! Emanuel grabs the chair…smashes Kalee over the head with it! PCW Security Director Dawn McGill runs in and drags Collins to the floor. Carville, Begala, Emanuel get into a heated argument in the aisle with McGill. KRC back in the ring. Kalee sends KRC to the corner of the aisle. She bounces off of the ropes and gets hit with a backdrop diver by Jones.
Kalee back on her feet. She uppercuts KRC. Follows with the belly-to-back superplex. Kalee hits a power slam. Former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton hits the ring. KRC takes a running powerslam by Burton. Burton stomps KRC. Kalee Jones bounces Burton off the ropes and clotheslines her. Kalee chokes Burton with her boot. She nails KRC with an Eskimo Pieface from the second turnbuckle. Kalee chokes her with her boot. Kalee leg drops the throat of Burton. Kalee Jones leg drops the throat of Collins. Airplane spin on Burton…for some reason the ref calls the match…and that’s all…
Filed under: Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, Hillary Clinton, Independents, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, Politics, Pro Wrestling, Small Town America, Third Party, democrats, joe six pack, political satire, political wrestling, red state, republicans, wordpress political blogs | Tagged: ECW, James Carville, Paul Begala, ROH, Sarah Palin, TNA, weapon of mass destruction, World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE
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