Part Four: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5- Will Dick Cheney be waterboarded?

E-FEDERATION NEWS FROM THE E-WRESTLING WORLD- highlights, news, and the best from other E-Wrestling Federations.

SWF Folds
Not a week after signing on with High Octane TV, the Superstar Wrestling Federation suddenly shut down all operations last weekend.

No explanation has been given so far but the Titan Zone has reported that a possible merger with the Future Wrestling League could be in the works.The bigger question is what does HOTv do now. If the SWF merges with the FWL, will that organization take SWF’s spot? We probably won’t find out until after High Octane Wrestling’s War Games pay per view show takes place on June 8th.

LEGACY OF CHAMPIONS RETURNS
LoC returned with a big prime time show May 31st. Violence 31 featured Shawn Hart defeating Kenshiro Inogami for the Legacy Championship.

SIMCOE COUNTY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING RETURNS
The SCCW also returned with Aggression on Monday night headlined by a wild tag team main event between S&M and Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and Rayne Young. S&M scored the win when Scarlett hit Young with a reverse DDT and Patrick McCarthy followed with a Leap of Faith for the victory.

GWO’s FIRST SHOW
The first edition of Genocidal Wrestling Organization’s “GWO Punishment!” hit the airwaves May 31st with the crowning of the first GWO Global Champion ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg who pins Tommy Glass to win the title.

POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING
On PCW On P-SPAN: Big Oil/Kirk Walstreit and Cadillac/Jaguar advanced on to the PCW Tag Team Title Match at PCW’s upcoming PPV Loose Cannons Unleashed 5.

PCW Extreme Political TV: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and the Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter defeats Code Pink and Janeane Garofalo in a knock down drag out preview of Garofalo’s upcoming showdown with Coulter.

FANS WRESTLING ORGANIZATION
In a hardcore classic on FWO reAction, High Flyer defeated Krow to become the new FWO World Champion.

DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION
Miss USA retains the DWF Women’s title by defeating Caroline Kelly with the Patriot Missile dropkick.Team Danger’s Tyrone Walker survives a 17 man Mini Dream Rumble. Next week, he and fellow Team Danger member Stephen Greer will meet in a ‘rock, paper, scissors’ match to decide who gets to meet the winner of Dark/Eric Payne for the DWF Heavyweight title.

HOSTILITY WRESTLING FEDERATION
At Hostility’s South of Heaven PPV:-Don Tiago and Ronnie McNeil are named Hostility’s first Tag Team champions-’Beautiful’ Bobby Dean defeats Hostility Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe, AirStrife, Ronnie McNeil, and Alexander Anarchy to become the new Extreme Champion-Xander Daniels wins the Hostility Aversion title in an Inferno Match with previous champion Hooligan.-Steven Steele pins Hostility Champion Talon when Chris Bond on the champion and Steele hits his Foreplay finisher to win the title.

PRO WRESTLING FURY
Pro Wrestling Fury held its Dream + Infinite IV show this past weekend with a whopping 14 match card highlighted by Ryo Inoue’s successful F-MAX Unified Heavyweight defense against “Mr. 300″ Kazuma Fujita, Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe winning the F-MAX Tag Team title, and Hiroaki Nakata winning the WWA National Heavyweight champion.

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E-WRESTLER OF THE WEEK:

5. ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg- Genocidal Wrestling Organization.
Borg’s gimmick is one of the best in E-Wrestling (in our opinion) and he defeats Tommy Glass to become the first GWO champion.

4. Hiroaki Nakata- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Defeated Tatsumichi Akamatsu to become the 20th WWA National Heavyweight Champion at Dream + Infinite IV.

3. “Beautiful” Bobby Dean – Hostility
Defeated Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe and three other wrestlers to claim the Hostility Extreme title at South of Heaven.

2. Xander Daniels- Hostility
Defeated Hostility Aversion champion Hooligan in an Inferno match to become the new Aversion champion.

1. Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Won the F-Max Tag Team title at Dream + Infinite IV from TAKU & Mastodon Fukuda in a 4 1/2 star spectacular.

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Suave: “Back to the ring.”

Charlene Ann: “It’s time for our next match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Toledo, OH, a member of Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance, it’s Quadruple R- Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “Randy’s still not very liked here…can’t imagine why.”

Charlene Ann: “His opponent weighs in tonight at 245 pounds. From Ottumwa, Iowa, a member of Progressive Alliance, and accompanied by Rahm Emanuel, it’s Starz N. Stripes!” The crowd cheers. Suave: “Okay. Starz vs. Quad R. The stipulation in this match is pretty simple: if Starz loses, he’s going to get waterboarded at Club Gitmo. If Starz wins, he gets 15 minutes with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo. These two have met several times in the past couple years. Their latest match was three weeks ago on PCW Extreme Political TV. Starz looked very good and Quad R seemed rusty in that match. Quad R attacked Starz last week and that’s why we’re here tonight.”

MATCH #7
STARZ N. STRIPES w/Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘QUAD R’ RANDY ROAD RAGE RICHARDSON (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
The bell sounds. Quad R comes out quickly and kicks Starz N. Stripes in the groin. Suave: “Quadruple R going low early on. But Starz legsweeps ‘Road Rage’ right back. Rake to the face by Starz. A SECOND LOW BLOW BY QUAD R! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX BY QUAD R AND STARZ IS HURTING NOW!” Quad R throws Starz to the floor. He then flings Starz to the ring steps. Suave: “The edge of the ring steps cut Starz N. Stripes like a blade. Starz N. Stripes is bleeding big time. Quad R with a huge gutbuster and Starz is in trouble. Quad R hits Starz with the back of his elbow. Starz responds with a reverse atomic drop. Starz is going for the piledriver… YES! He piledrives Quad R right into the floor.

Both men move back into the ring. Suave: “Starz hits a swinging bulldog. Quad R rakes the eyes and hits a backward kick. Quad R follows with a running powerbomb on to the mat. Starz back to his feet. BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT INSIDE THE RING.” Big Oil grabs Starz from behind and hits a fall away slam. Suave: “Starz not ready for that one. Now he’s in serious trouble as Quad R takes him up to the top rope.” Table now set up outside the ring. POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!”

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Justin Sufferable run to the ring. Escondido finds Quad R in the corner of the ring. Escondido tries to lift Quad R for a Powerslam but is unable to lift. Big Oil punches Starz N. Stripes repeatedly. Big Oil hooks Starz N. Stripes’s arms….Double Underhook Powerbomb on an open chair! Suave: “It’s gotten a bit loose in there. Justin Sufferable clotheslines Quad R. Sufferable with a chair *CLANG* Chairshot to Quad R. Kirk Walstreit sends Starz to the corner of the ring. Walstreit opens up another chair and then whips Starz into the ropes…Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair! RAHM EMANUEL’S IN THE RING. Clotheslines to Quad R. Now raking the face of Quad R.”

Starz N. Stripes grabs him. He spins him upside down. Suave: “He’s going for the piledriver…..YES! Cover! One. Two. Three!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, Starz N. Stripes!” Suave: “And you know what that means…15 minutes alone with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo!” Escondido and PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama drag Dick Cheney to Club Gitmo. Dick tries to get away but Escondido and Bahama have things well under control. They take Dick inside followed by Starz N. Stripes. The doors close.

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PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein walks to the ring carrying a large box. Bernstein: “Okay. I have some breaking news to report. I have in my possession a copy of some x-rays taken earlier today of Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie. It appears BMW has a severe neurological problem that he has received treatment for the past two years. Any bump or several movement or trauma can cause him to black out instantly.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT PRETTY MUCH MEANS BMW’S CAREER IS OVER ALREADY!”

This brings out Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and a fuming CFO Gordon Guyko. Guyko: “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU SPENT WELL OVER A MILLION DOLLARS ON A WRESTLER WHO CAN’T WRESTLE? THAT’S IT! WE’RE THROUGH! I’M PULLING MY INVESTORS AND YOU’RE DONE.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Guyko’s pulling out. Guyko’s pulling out! WE ARE WATCHING THE DISINTEGRATION OF DOMINATION INC.!”

McMann: “Bring him out now!” Guyko: “He can’t wrestle!” McMann: “Sure he can. I said bring him out.”

*Def’ Leppard’s Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

Suave: “HOLD IT A SEC! IS HE BACK?” The Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot appears. WTF has a microphone. WTF: “Mr. McMann, he’s not wrestling!: The crowd stands and cheers. McMann: “I said for you to go get BMW.” WTF: “Ain’t happening.” McMann: “I’m not asking you…I’m telling you.” WTF: “What I’m saying is there’s no way in hell he’s wrestling tonight or ever again.” McMann is taken aback. McMann: “How do YOU know?” WTF: “Because, Mr. McMann. I’M THE MOLE!” The crowd explodes. Crowd: “What the f***! What the f***!” Suave: “IT WAS HIM! THE MOLE WAS WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT ALL ALONG AND McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” McMann stands, mouth agape, completely still. McMann stares off into space. Suave: “HE’S IN A STATE OF COMPLETTE SHOCK! THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE END OF THIS YET. WE’LL SEE YOU WEDNESDAY NIGHT WITH MORE FROM PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED. SEE YOU THEN.

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CNN, Caucus