7/15-PCW Extreme Political TV

-Miss USA makes her PCW Extreme Political TV debut
-Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen is denied a shot at the women’s title
-The Extreme Weather Network debuts
-PCW CEO Obama deals with an unhappy American Heartland Coalition
-#1 Contender’s match for the PCW TV Title

PCW Extreme Political TV
July 15th, 2009
The Palace of Political Extreme aka PCW Hall, Archbold, Ohio
Host: Johnny Suave


Suave: “In the ring already after a huge round of applause is ‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya Hardy and her White Trash Posse- Shane and Jeff.” Crowd: “WEL-COME BA-ACK! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) WEL-COME BA-ACK! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “Hardy was released a couple weeks back in a cost cutting move but she’s back for a one night appearance here in PCW.”

*Music to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” begins*

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the land of the free.

The crowd explodes when Miss USA appears with her bodyguard/escort Dawn McGill. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! LISTEN TO THAT OVATION!”

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the statue of liberty
Started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, its gonna be hell
When you hear mother freedom
Start ringin her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

Miss USA waves to the crowd as she warms up for the match. Suave: “MISS USA OUT WITH A DIFFERENT THEME SONG AND A DIFFERENT LOOK! NO MORE COLORED HAIR AND A FULL MASK. SHE LOOKS TERRIFIC…AND ABSOLUTELY FOCUSED HERE TONIGHT!”

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
Cause well put a boot in your ass
It’s the american way

MATCH #1 MISS USA w/Dawn McGill (Independent) vs. ‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ TANYA HARDY w/the White Trash Posse- Shane and Jeff
The bell rings. Suave: “And here we go! Quick lock up. Armbar by Miss USA. Spin around reversal by Hardy. Another reversal by Miss USA. Irish whip into the ropes. FLYING KARATE CHOP TO THE NECK BY MISS USA! WOW! HARDY SLAPS MISS USA RIGHT BACK! MISS USA INTO THE ROPES…ELBOWSMASH TO HARDY’S FACE.” Hardy comes right back with a kick to the stomach and a sitdown slam. Suave: “HARDY’S HANGING RIGHT WITH HER SO FAR. SHE LOCKS MISS USA UP IN THE ABDOMINAL STRETCH! WILL SHE GIVE UP? No. Hardy breaks the hold and pulls at Miss USA’s hair. Jab by Hardy. ANOTHER SLAP TO THE FACE BY HARDY AND NOW MISS USA LOOKS A LITTLE PISSED OFF.”

Miss USA backs up into her corner and briefly confers with Dawn McGill. Suave: “Miss USA back out. Kick to the gut by Miss USA. She’s got Hardy up in the air…Gorilla Press Slam! Now she pins Hardy against the ropes and chokes her with her forearm. The referee over to scold Miss USA and she breaks the hold. Hardy charges and walks right into a belly to belly suplex. Hardy right back up and pokes Miss USA in the eyes. That’ll slow her down a bit. Russian legsweep by Hardy. She covers. One…Miss USA kicks out.” Spinning leg lariat by Miss USA takes Hardy off her feet. Suave: “Miss USA goes to the top…TOP ROPE LEG DROP! COVER! ONE…TWO…HARDY KICKS OUT AND THE WHITE TRASH POSSE HAVE HIT THE RING! JEFF TRIES TO HIT MISS USA WITH A BATON BUT HE MISSES. HOLY CRAP! DAWN McGILL JUST NAILED JEFF WITH HER FOUR INCH STILETTO IN THE…YEAH, THERE!” Jeff crumples to the canvas. Shane quickly throws himself out of the ring before McGill can get her hands on him.

Right behind Shane, the American Heartland Coalition takes up positions and starts to picket and protest. Meanwhile, the Island of Misfit Wrestlers have also come out and they surround the ring. Hardy is momentarily distracted. Suave: “SPINNING HEEL KICK BY MISS USA! HARDY’S IN BIG TROUBLE NOW. MISS USA GOES UP TOP…PATRIOT MISSILE! COVER. ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: MISS USA

Suave: “MISS USA IN HER FIRST TELEVISED MATCH IN PCW COMES UP WITH AN IMPRESSIVE VICTORY OVER VETERAN ‘TRAILER PARK SKATER GIRL’ TANYA HARDY! WHAT A GREAT START TO THIS WEEK’S PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV-” The Island of Misfit Wrestlers climb into the ring and surround Miss USA. Suave: “Oh, oh…this can’t be a good thing.”

Movie Classic takes a microphone. Movie Classic: “Miss USA. As General Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, ‘It’s not the size of the dog in the fight- it’s the fight in the dog.’ We all know why you were brought here to PCW. To save the Women’s division at our expense.” Dawn McGill elbows through the picket line of Misfit Wrestlers and plants herself between Movie Classic and Miss USA. Movie Classic: “That’s okay. We know all about Dawn McGill and you know what? We’ll improvise, adapt, and overcome. If I am asked what we are fighting for, I can reply in two sentences. In the first place, to fulfil a solemn international obligation . . . an obligation of honor which no self-respecting man could possibly have repudiated. I say, secondly, we are fighting to vindicate the principle that small nationalities are not to be crushed in defiance of international good faith at the arbitrary will of a strong and overmastering Power.” Miss USA: “Look, I’m not sure what you’re trying to get at. I don’t know what’s been going on here.” Movie Classic: “You don’t know what’s going on here? Let me tell you what’s going on here…” The entire arena groans. Movie Classic: “It’s an economic disaster of Biblical proportions. They could’ve called it that, though, because the last four bond drives came up so short we just printed money instead. Ask any smart boy on Wall Street, he’ll tell you our dollar is next to worthless, we’ve borrowed so much. And nobody is lending any more. Ships aren’t being built, tanks aren’t being built, machine guns, bazookas, hand grenades, zip. You think this is a farce? You want to go back to your buddies? Well stuff some rocks in your pockets before you get on the plane, because that’s all we got left to throw at the Japanese. And don’t be surprised if your plane doesn’t make it off the runway, because the fuel dumps are empty. And our good friends, the Arabs, are only taking bullion. If we don’t raise $14 billion, and that’s million with a “B,” this war is over by the end of the month. We make a deal with the Japanese, we give whatever they want and we come home, because you’ve seen them fight, and they sure as shit ain’t giving up. $14 billion! The last three drives didn’t make that much all together.”

Miss USA: “Hold it. That’s from ‘Flags of Our Fathers,’ isn’t it?” Movie Classic: “Well…yes…” Miss USA: “That’s one of my favorite movies.” Movie Classic: “It is?” Miss USA: “Oh yeah.” Clears throat. Miss USA: “I was promised ten days of shelling. You’re giving me three and saying that’s the best you can do?… I don’t give a shit! My men hit that beach with less than ten, and I’ll be taking them home to their mamas in buckets!… Yeah, I know exactly why. Because every Navy man with scrambled egg on his chest wants to offload us here and sail to Japan so they can be there for the big finish, tell their kids they captured the Emperor all by themselves. Well, you aren’t going to Japan unless we take this piece of shit island! These little pricks are dug in… Okay, appreciate that, Jim. Three days is a fucking beautiful thing.” Movie Classic: “General ‘Howlin’ Mad Smith!” Miss USA: “Yes!”

Movie Classic and Miss USA leave together talking about the movie. The rest of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers seem confused. Then they file out one by one.

Suave: “All right, it looks like the situation has somehow been defused. We’ll be right back.”

———————

PCW CEO BARACK OBAMA’S OFFICE
Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama watch the monitor. Pelosi: “She’s wonderful!” Obama: “She handled that situation very well.” Pelosi: “We have to get her on our side. I know just what to do.” Pelosi leaves and goes to the ring.

Pelosi: “WAIT A MINUTE! WAAAIT A MINUTE!” Suave: “Swell, here comes Nancy Pelosi.” Pelosi: “Well, that was a very impressive debut, wasn’t it?” The crowd generally agrees. Pelosi: “On behalf of the PCW Competition Committee, I am thrilled to announce that next week Miss USA will face ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas for a shot at the PCW Women’s Title. I know all of you out in TV land will tune in to see-” An enraged Eskimo Queen aka Kalee Jones stomps to the ring. Jones: “Where is my shot?” Pelosi: “Excuse me?” Jones towers over Pelosi. Jones: “Where is my shot for the title?” Pelosi: “You’ll get your shot when you earn-” Jones lifts Pelosi up in the air. Pelosi: “PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!” Jones: “I WANT MY TITLE SHOT!” Pelosi: “YOU’LL GET IT WHEN I’M GOOD AND READY TO GIVE IT TO YOU!” Jones spins her around and Eskimo Piefaces Pelosi. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! KALEE JONES JUST ESKIMO PIEFACED NANCY PELOSI!”

—————-

UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
7/19- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/22- PCW Extreme Political TV
7/26- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/29-PCW Night of Champions
8/2- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
8/5- PCW Extreme Political TV
8/9- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
8/12- PCW Extreme Political TV

———————

Female Voice: “And now, here’s your local on the 8′s!”

Suave: “And here comes Mother Nature’s extreme risktakers…the Extreme Weather Network. Jim Frascantore. Steve Abrams. Mike Bettis.” Frascantore, Abrams, and Bettis are led out to the ring by their Weathergirl valets Jen, Steph, and Kristina. Suave: “They will debut tonight against Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, and the Mysterious Dr. Mysterious of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.”

MATCH #2 JIM FRASCANTORE, STEVE ABRAMS, AND MIKE BETTIS w/Jen, Steph, and Kristina (Extreme Weather Network) vs. MR. JAUNDICE, CAPTAIN NAUSEA, AND THE MYSTERIOUS DR. MYSTERIOUS w/Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
Suave:
“Okay. There’s the bell.” Frascantore and Mr. Jaundice will start out. Suave: “Mr. Jaundice gets nailed right out of the gate with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Frascantore. Mr. Jaundice places Frascantore on the turnbuckle. He executes a front-layout superplex. Jaundice bounces Frascantore off the ropes…jumping clothesline! Nice move there. Mr. Jaundice quickly makes the tag to Captain Nausea. Frascantore takes the opportunity to send Nausea for a ride. He tags in Steve Abrams.”

Again, the American Heartland Coalition come out to protest. They congregate in the EWN corner.

Frascantore sets up a chair and lifts Captain Nausea up. Suave: “Fall Away Slam on the chair! And now Mike Bettis jumps in and punches Nausea repeatedly. Tripleteam action! Steve Abrams chops Captain Nausea. Bettis nails Nausea with his elbow. Abrams tags in Bettis. Jawbreaker on Captain Nausea! Now he stomps on Nausea. Abrams back in. He lifts Captain Nausea up…PILEDRIVER! Frascantore and Bettis in the ring and they set up a table. Frascantore to the top rope!” Frascantore does a flying senton and plants Nausea through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! ABRAMS COVERS…WAIT…WHAT’S THIS?” The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious has put Weathergirl Jen under his spell. He directs her to distract Frascantore.   She begins to take off her top.   Suave: “IT’S THE MYSTERIOUS DR. MYSTERIOUS!” Abrams to the top rope. The American Trucker (American Heartland) jumps up on the ring apron and crotches Abrams. Abrams falls backwards in Dr. Mysterious’s general direction. Dr. Mysterious sees him falling for him and stiffens. The spell breaks and Jen returns to normal.  She realizes her shirt is 3/4′s unbuttoned and quickly rebuttons them.   Suave: “He’s really got to work on that whole anxiety thing.” Abrams drives Dr. Mysterious into the steel guardrail.

Suave: “Captain Nausea finally gets to his feet. He tags out and in comes Mr. Jaundice. Abrams back in and Jaundice takes him down. Jaundice drops him on the top rope. Drops knee down on Abram’s arm. Abrams gives Jaundice a knee to the gut…scoop slam by Abrams and he tags in Bettis. Bettis covers. One…two…shoulder up for Mr. Jaundice. Frascantore in the ring! Axe handle drives Jaundice to the corner. He’s now put on he top rope…Frascantore launches himself into the ropes…Bettis slingshots him airborne…HOLY CRAP! High risk, high risk move. Bettis launches Frascantore and he hits Jaundice like a missile!” Jaundice tumbles with Frasacantore out of the ring. Suave: “Abrams on the ring apron-DROPKICK! Frascantore lays in some cheap shots of his own. He climbs back in the ring and tags back into the match. He drags Jaundice to the middle of the wrestling mat and covers Mr. Jaundice. One. Two. Three.

WINNER: THE EXTREME WEATHER NETWORK

Suave: “THE EXTREME WEATHER NETWORK VICTORIOUS IN THEIR DEBUT MATCH HERE AT PCW!”

——————

From our good friends at High Octane Wrestling:

HOW CAPITAL PUNISHMENT- August 23rd at the Verizon Center in Washington D.C.

WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Issac Slade vs. Aceldama©

ICON CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Maximillian Kael vs. Shane Reynolds©

LSD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Chris Kostoff or Christopher America vs. David Black©

HALL OF FAME RESPECT IS EARNED MATCH
Mark O’Neal vs. Darkwing

BOBBINETTE CAREY AS SPECIAL REFEREE MATCH
Kirsta Lewis vs. Scottywood vs. Chris Kostoff

FINAL ENCOUNTER
Trip Eisen vs. Trent©

THE MATCH ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE
Bob Jared vs. Embosser

———————

Suave: “We’ve just received word that Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen has been suspended indefinitely by the PCW Competition Committee for Eskimo Piefacing Nancy Pelosi. Let’s go to the back and PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.”

——————–

BACKSTAGE
Bernstein:
“That’s right, Johnny. It has just come down that the Eskimo Queen is officially suspended. They are wheeling Nancy Pelosi out right now…” Two paramedics wheel Pelosi in a stretcher down the hallway. She sees Miss USA nearby and flashes a thumb’s up. Pelosi: “See? This is what being a part of the Progressive Alliance is all about! Standing up for women! That’s why you should join us- OW! WATCH WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU @#$#ING PUTZ!” The harried paramedic hastily apologizes and moves Pelosi out.

Suave: “A little politicking by Pelosi as they take her to the hospital.

——————–

PCW CEO BARACK OBAMA’S OFFICE
Harry Reid and Steny Hoyer are also in the room. Reid: “…and apparently, the American Patriots sent John McCain over to Miss USA’s dressing room to talk to her about joining them.” Obama: “I see. It’s time to send out the big guns then. HILLARY!” Hillary Clinton enters. Obama: “I have an important diplomatic mission for you. I need you to go see Miss USA and convince her to join the Progressive Alliance.” Hillary: “I’ll get right on-” Andrea Doria and the American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition) and Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers) barge in and nearly knock Hillary over. Obama: “Not you guys again!” Andrea: “This isn’t over yet, Mr. CEO. We know that the reason you brought in Miss USA was to prop up the women’s division for your special interest groups.” American Trucker: “That’s right. The American Heartland Coalition can see what’s going on here. You’re favoring your groups over ordinary wrestlers who are trying to make a living. The TV title is the people’s title.”

Obama: “Look. Bringing in Miss USA has nothing to do with where our direction is going.” Movie Classic: “And in fairness to her, she does have great taste in cinematic classics.” Both Andrea Doria and American Trucker glare at him. Movie Classic: “Right. I’ll just shut up now.” American Trucker: “Don’t give us that doubletake Mr. CEO. We know what’s going on and we’re going to fight it every inch of the way. You’ve declared war on ordinary wrestlers, Mr. CEO. And we aren’t going to take this lying down.” American Trucker and Andrea storm out. Movie Classic lingers. Movie Classic: “But she does have good taste in mov-” Andrea drags Movie Classic down the hallway.

—————–

BACKSTAGE
PCW Television Champion SNAFU and Dr. Bill confer. Dr. Bill: “It’s time to get real. I want you to influence this match so we get the right opponent for PCW Night of Champions.” SNAFU: “Why? I can beat any of these three-” Dr. Bill: “Are you doing what you’re doing today because you want to do it, or because it’s what you were doing yesterday?” SNAFU: “Huh? I said, I could beat any of these three.” Dr. Bill: ” You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” SNAFU: “What? What do I need to change? I’m the TV champion.” Dr. Bill: “We teach people how to treat us.” SNAFU: “What? What the hell are you talking about?” Dr. Bill: “You let me get assaulted a couple weeks back and didn’t lift a finger.” SNAFU: “I didn’t need your interference.” Dr. Bill: “I think you’re running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, ‘Brace yourself honey, here I come!’” SNAFU: “Um…what?” Dr. Bill: “The problem is that for women, the average time is just over 14 minutes,.. men are left with about 12 minutes during which time they need to think of something to do!” SNAFU blinks his eyes and shakes his head. SNAFU: “Okay. That’s it. I’m out of here.” SNAFU walks away. Dr. Bill: “DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME! YOU’RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME! JUST ASK DAVE THE MECHANIC! I MADE HIM THE TV CHAMPION. I MADE YOU THE TV CHAMPION! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!”

————-

CATCH THE LATEST NEWS ON PCW AND OTHER GREAT E-FEDERATIONS AT THESE SITES:

Check out the EW Torch for the latest in E-Wrestling News.

Current stories include:
All-Stars of Wrestling Television Report [07.11.09]
KMS] Nashville Businessman Announces…
Card Set for Missouri Valley Wrestling Debut
EW TorchCenter Tuesday

E-Wrestling Magazine- The home for all the latest e-federation news throughout the country

Wednesday Wrestling Rag Underground Top 50 for week ending July 12th July 15, 2009
Card Set for Missouri Valley Wrestling Debut July 15, 2009
Just Wrestling: Live report from Oakland, CA July 12, 2009

——————

Every Sunday from the Dream Wrestling Federation:
————————–

MATCH #3- #1 Contender’s Match for the PCW Television Title
‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ BARON VON MUNCHKE (Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. AMERICAN TRUCKER w/Tequila Sheila (American Heartland Coalition) vs. NEWT TRON BOMB w/Daisy Cutter Bomb (American Patriots)

Suave: “The winner gets a shot at the PCW TV Title in two weeks against SNAFU.” The bell sounds. Suave: “And here we go. Baron Von Munchke immediately drops American Trucker with a Gorilla Press Slam. American Trucker punches N-Bomb. N-Bomb right back with a spinning leg lariat on American Trucker. Back and forth action to start. American Trucker back up. He responds with the back of his elbow to N-Bomb’s jaw. Andrea Doria slides a table in the ring. Here we go. Another elbow to N-Bomb. AT lifts him up….HOLY CRAP! The American Trucker plants Newt Tron Bomb thru a table!” Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Baron Von Munchke attacks American Trucker. He throws AT into the turnbuckle. Suave: “Von Munchke smashes American Trucker’s head into the turnbuckle. Headlock takedown. Von Munchke wrenches the arm back. American Trucker powers up…Von Munchke drops him on his knee. N-Bomb back up and he nails a swinging bulldog on Von Munchke. He drove his face hard into the mat. American Trucker follows with an elbowdrop on Von Munchke. Back up again. Another elbowdrop. And another. Double axhandle chop from behind by N-Bomb. N-Bomb going up top…driving elbow smash on Von Munchke. Cover. One…two…NO! Von Munchke kicks out. American Trucker tries for a power bomb…N-Bomb dodges the attack. Forearm to N-Bomb’s back. AT lifts him in the air…SPINEBUSTER! He covers! One…Two…kick out.”

Baron Von Munchke trys for a neck scissors but American Trucker avoids it. Suave: “N-Bomb up top again. Split legged moonsault! He nailed Baron Von Munchke. Chicken wing! N-Bomb has the Chicken Wing on Von Munchke! The referee checks the situation. N-Bomb tightens the hold. American Trucker makes the save. Baron Von Munchke escapes. N-Bomb whips Baron Von Munchke to the floor. Not a good place to be because…DAISY CUTTER BOMB CLOTHSLINES VON MUNCHKE! SHE LIFTS HIM UP…” Daisy Cutter Power Bomb through a table! Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER BOMB JUST DESTROYED A TABLE AND BARON VON MUNCHKE!” American Trucker slaps N-Bomb. N-Bomb pins American Trucker against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. American Trucker to the floor. Suave: “N-Bomb again climbs to the top of the turnbuckle…DIVING HEADBUTT FROM THE TOP ROPE! N-BOMB TURNS AROUND…HOLD ON! WATCH OUT FOR THE SILENT BUT DEADLY!” SNAFU runs in. Suave: “IT’S THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION SNAFU!” SNAFU goes for a cross-body block but N-Bomb avoids it. SNAFU gets nailed with a double axhandle chop from Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Suave: “NOW WE’VE GOT MULTIPLE PEOPLE INVOLVED. Daisy bounces SNAFU off the ring steps. WAIT A MINUTE!” SNAFU collapses. Daisy collapses. American Trucker collapses. Suave: “SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY!”

On the other side, Baron Von Munchke gets back to his feet. He crawls back into the ring. N-Bomb sees him and also moves to reenter the ring. Von Munchke kicks N-Bomb off the ring apron. Suave: “NOW WHAT? DR. BILL GOES OVER AND THROWS N-BOMB BACK INTO THE RING. CLAW HOLD! CLAW HOLD! BARON VON MUNCHKE HAS IT LOCKED IN! N-BOMB HAS NO HELP. A-BOMB IS NOT HERE. DAISY IS KNOCKED OUT. HE TAPS! THAT’S IT! IT’LL BE BARON VON MUNCHKE, WITH HELP FROM DR. BILL, VERSUS SNAFU, MANAGED BY DR. BILL, IN TWO WEEKS. NEXT WEEK, WE FIND OUT THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS FOR THE PCW AND TAG TEAM TITLE! SEE YOU THEN!”

———————-

PCW Night of Champions in two weeks:

PCW Title:
O’Beck Bahama (c) vs. winner of Quad R/A. Tom Bomb match

PCW Women’s Title:
Kathryn Randall Collins (c) vs. winner of Miss USA/’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas match

PCW Tag Team Title:
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (c) vs.  winner of Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes/ Jack Schett and Bull Schett/ Cadillac and Jaguar match

PCW Television Title:
SNAFU (c) vs. ‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke

————————

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