Midnite Rockin’ Xpress debuts/PCW Healthcare Debated/PCW Champion in Action

PCW ON P-SPAN
From the Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, OH
August 30th, 2009

Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…

Stuffy Announcer Type: “And now, it’s time for Political Championship Wrestling on P-SPAN. Tonight’s program is live from the Cincinnati Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Dr. Bill Segment
Dr. Bill is in the ring.  Dr. Bill: “Tonight, I am going to unleash upon Political Championship Wrestling, part two of my master plan to rid PCW of all this extraneous garbage and get back to some old school wrestling.  You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self.  You need to listen to your body because your body is listening to you.  You need to stop with all this extreme crap because your body simply cannot take it.  That’s why I’ve formed the Old School Kings.   That’s why I’m speaking out against wrestling federations such as High Octane Wrestling who lets their wrestlers take outlandish and outrageous risks with their bodies.

(courtesy of High Octane Wrestling)
“Singularity” bursts onto the P.A. as Max Kael flails onto the stage with a crazed expression. The crowd offers a mix of cheers and boos for the decidedly insane Minister. As he stumbles down to the ring Trent is quick to exit and charge toward him. Both men don’t seem to slow down as they approach, in fact they appear to speed up until they crash into each other!

Max proves little more then a minor nuisance to the superior size of Trent as he is seemingly bulldozed over, his head snapping off the metal ramp. Curling into a ball, Max clutches his head as Trent begins to reign down a series of stiff kicks all about Max’s body before picking him up by the air. Yelling something into Max’s confused face he charged back toward the ring and slammed his face into the near by ring pole.

Max spins around and collapses from the force of the hit, twitching on the ground as Trent lifts his arms and lets out a roar while the crowd pours on the support. Benny mentions how Max appears to have literally ran from a hard place directly into a rock. Trent glares down at Max for a moment longer before picking him up and forcing him into the ring where he follows.

Dr. Bill: “Yeah.  It’s not pretty, isn’t it?  HOW allows this type of ‘wrestling’…and I use that term loosely…because they have a roster full of psychopaths and freaks who need counseling.  And I’m the one to give it to them.  No dog ever peed on a moving car and if someone out there doesn’t agree with me, then somewhere a village is missing their idiot.”  Voice: “Okay.  That’s enough, Dr. Bill.”  Movie Classic, the leader of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, walks out.  Movie Classic: “First off, what you and your myopic goons did last week to Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy went up and beyond the sense of any sort of decency.  There was no reason to attack him like that.  He was not hurting anyone-” Dr. Bill: “Yeah, blah-blah-blah…blah-blah-blah.  He’s a freak and so what if we hurt his feelings.   In fact, it looks like we hurt your feelings too so I do have something I need to say to you…your feelings? To hell with your feelings!”  The crowd boos.  Movie Classic: “You are dead wrong.”  Dr. Bill: “You know, opinions are like asses, everybody’s got one!”  Movie Classic: “Yeah, and it looks like you’ve got the biggest one of all!”  The crowd cheers at the line.  Dr. Bill does not approve.  Dr. Bill: “Why you little-…don’t…don’t make me put your head in my blender.”  Movie Classic: “You don’t have to worry there, Bill.  I have no intention of putting any part of my body into your ‘blender.’  I-uh…I just don’t roll that way- if you know what I mean.”

Crowd: “WHHOOAAAAAAA!”  Dr. Bill mouths something at Movie Classic.  Movie Classic: “Let’s get this over with.  Send out your new tag team and I’ll send out mine.”

MATCH #1
Jack the Snipper and Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy w/ Movie Classic(Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
VS.
The Midnite Rockin’ Xpress-Bobby Ricky Michaels and Marty Gibson-Lane (Old School Kings)

Jack the Snipper hits the ring and punches Gibson-Lane repeatedly.  Jack the Snipper follows with a drop toe hold onto an open chair!   Marty Gibson-Lane is busted open very early.  Jack makes the tag to Nye.  Nye clotheslines Gibson-Lane who then turns and makes the tag to Michaels.  Another lockup. Nye sends Michaels to the corner of the ring.  Nye pulls Michaels’s hair.

Michaels gets away and tags back in Gibson-Lane.  Nye rakes the face of Gibson-Lane and gouges his eyes.  Nye follows with an earringer.  Michaels tagged back in by Gibson-Lane.

Michaels climbs the turnbuckle and nails Nye with a flying bulldog.  Micheals goes up top again…flying bodypress takes Nye to the mat with authority. Michaels is up again and tags Gibson-Lane back in for Midnight Rockin’ Express.  They lockup. Gibson-Lane sends Nye to the corner of the ring and punches the Foot Fetish Guy repeatedly.  Gibson-Lane asks for a chair.  Michaels complies and tosses the chair to him.  He puts it on Nye and climbs up to the top rope…Gibson-Lane jumps off the top…Guillotine Leg Drop on the chair! ]

Nye attempts a power move but is not strong enough to lift Gibson-Lane.  Gibson-Lane goes for a Gut Wrench Suplex but Nye slips out of his hands and dodges the attack.  Jack the Snipper tagged in by Nye. Gibson-Lane  throws Jack the Snipper a chair…Gibson-Lane spins around and nails the chair into Jack the Snipper’s face!! Gibson-Lane begins to celebrate but then he realizes he’s not all that closer to winning the match.

Nye tagged in by Jack the Snipper who barely gets back to the corner.  Nye trys for a power move; Gibson-Lane blocks it.  Nye brings back in Jack the Snipper.  Gibson-Lane clotheslines Jack the Snipper and tags Michaels in. Gibson-Lane opens up the chair…Jack the Snipper is thrown into the ropes…Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair!  Jack the Snipper having problems getting up now.  He finally does just in time for Gibson-Lane to throw the chair to Jack the Snipper…Gibson-Lane kicks the chair into Jack the Snipper’s face.  Gibson-Lane sets up a table in the ring.  Michaels German suplexes Nye.  Michaels places Nye on the top turnbuckle and nails the German suplex through the table!

Michaels makes the tag to Gibson-Lane.  Nye goes right after him landing  punch after punch on Gibson-Lane.  Gibson-Lane grabs Nye and lifts him into a Belly to Belly Suplex right down onto the chair!  Gibson-Lane rains down more punches on Nye before he gets away and tags out.

Gibson-Lane picks Jack the Snipper up and Powerslams him directly on the chair!!!  When he got up, Jack tried to slink away.  No go.  Gibson-Lane grabs ahold of Jack the Snipper’s waist….Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex onto the chair!!!  Gibson-Lane pulls a limp Jack the Snipper up. Michaels sets the chair up…Gibson-Lane puts Jack the Snipper on his shoulders…DVD on the chair!!  Gibson-Lane clotheslines Jack the Snipper. Russian Leg Sweep by Gibson-Lane…Jack the Snipper’s face slams directly into the chair!  Gibson-Lane lifts Jack one more time…and plants him hard with a Northern Lights Suplex directly on the chair!! Referee Davey Keels makes the count. …1 …2 …3 ]

Charlene Ann: The winners of this match, Midnite Rockin’ Xpress!!!

Dr. Bill charges into the ring and holds the arms up of his new tag team.  The crowd boos him intensely.  Dr. Bill: “See? Boo me if that makes you feel better.  Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration because you all know that I was right and YOU were-OOF…”  Movie Classic tackles Dr. Bill and the rest of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers arrive and swarm the Midnite Rockin’ Xpress.

The PCW Television Champion, ‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke runs out to Dr. Bill’s defense.  Security also comes out and slowly breaks up the fracas.

—————————————————————————
COMMERCIAL TIME:

Because she looks a hell of a lot better than Art Gruberman

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Live from the Amarillo Civic Center in Amarillo, TX
August 31, 2009

Gimmick Match Mania ‘09@!~

Slaughter Line Up
—————————–

Lady America vs. Tina Davis
Mud Wrestling Match

Shaun XF vs. Cody Brews
Tables, Ladders, and Chairs

Casey Pierro-Zabatol vs. Malcolm Dred-King vs. B.R. Ellis vs. Tito
One Hour Iron Man Match


Live from the Amarillo National Center
August 31st, 2009

Now EARLY Tuesday Mornings! Insomnia lives up to it’s namesake!

Insomnia Line Up
—————————–

T-Money vs. T.J. Parker

Mike Polowy vs. Lora KirK
DWF Women’s Title Match
Steel Cage Match

Level One & Jak Nemesis vs. Tessa Martins/Dawn McGill

Cancer Jiles vs. Doozer
Anarchy Title Match – Winner faces CPZ next week on SLAUGHTER

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PCW CEO Barack Obama Segment
*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.

Barack Obama, his aide de camp Joe Biden- locked in a large wooden box to keep him from saying something he or CEO Obama will regret, head down the aisle way to the ring.  Obama climbs in and strides to the podium to speak.  Obama: “Good evening.  On the night after we laid Ted Kennedy to rest, I want to take this opportunity to implore the PCW Board of Directors and the Competition Committee to honor Kennedy’s service to us by passing a comprehensive health insurance package for each and every PCW wrestler.  So all the PCW wrestlers and performers, come on out as your board of directors discuss this important issue.”

A line of PCW performers come out to listen to the presentation.  The Massachusetts Blue Blood JFK aka John F***ing Kerry and Utah’s Ubiquitous and Omnipresent Statesman Orrin Hatch come out to debate but then stop.  Obama: “What’s going on?”  Hatch: “Well, we don’t have our lobbyist groups here to tell us what to say.”  Kerry: “You of all people should know that we can’t say anything without consulting with our special interest groups.  It’s unheard of.”  Hatch: “We’ll have to do this some other time.”  Kerry: “I’ll get that to the committee to set the scheduling of the schedule for scheduling the debate to be scheduled.”  Hatch: “Agreed.”

Suffice to say, the wrestlers are less than thrilled with the debate.  The wrestlers from the Progressive Alliance start yelling at the ones from the American Patriots.  The AP wrestlers yell back at the PA.  Heated words fly back and forth as we go to commercial.

—————————————————————

PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey

Gina: Hey y’all.  Gigi Ramsey here with another PCW Newsline.

Bahama Ruled Out for This Wednesday’s 3 Way Dance
Doctors had hoped that the effects of the concussion former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama suffered at the WWR Supershow would have subsided enough to allow him to wrestle on this Wednesday’s PCW Extreme Political TV.

Unfortunately, Bahama got the word late this afternoon that he is still not ready to return to the ring.  Bahama will continue to be on the shelf indefinitely until he is cleared by the PCW medical staff to return.

Separation Complete
The PCW Women’s division-Missouri Valley Wrestling merger is complete and all active female wrestlers are now working under the MVW banner.  PCW wishes all of it’s former wrestlers the best of success at Missouri Valley Wrestling.

PCW Lock and Load 4- September 27th
That’s right, four weeks from today it’s PCW Lock and Load 4 from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio.  All roads head to Northwest Ohio as PCW’s best converge for a night of exciting wrestling action.  The PCW Title will be on the line along with the Tag Team and the Television Title.  You won’t want to miss this event.

UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
9/2- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/6- PCW on P-SPAN
9/9- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/13- PCW on P-SPAN
9/16- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/20- PCW on P-SPAN
9/23- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/27- PCW Lock and Load 4 PPV

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MAIN EVENT- NON TITLE MATCH:
PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
(Progressive Alliance)
VS.
Dave the Mechanic w/Tequila Sheila
(American Heartland Coalition)

Charlene Ann: This match will be a non-title match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Malibu, California he is the PCW Champion, ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism!!!

(crowd boos ****)

Chism comes to the ring with the SRB.

Charlene Ann: And his opponent, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Kalida, Ohio, he’s a member of American Heartland Coalition and accompanied by Tequila Sheila, welcome Dave the Mechanic!!!

(crowd cheers **)

Dave the Mechanic walks to the ring with Tequila Sheila.

(bell rings)

Chism gets nailed right out of the gate by a charging axhandle bodyblock from Dave the Mechanic.  Chism shakes it off and tackles Dave.  He begins punching him repeatedly and then climbs to the top rope.  Chism hits a flying knee drop right onto Dave’s gut.  Chism whips Dave into the corner and hits the corner clothesline/discus clothesline combo.  As Dave staggers backwards to him, Chism bend down and backdrop backbreaks him.  Cover.  Dave kicks out at two.  Chism looks for the press gutbuster again but this time Dave slips out of the move.  Chism then tries an O’Connor Roll.  Dave grabs the ropes and hangs on.  He chucks the champion to the floor.

Dave heads up top and tries a double-axe handle.  He gets caught and Chism turns it into a uranage backbreaker.  Dave heads up top again, but Chism hits an enzugiri to bring him back down.  Chism tries the press gutbuster again but Dave reverses and gets an O’Connor Roll.  Cover.  Two count kick out by Chism.  Dave steps back and drills a kick to the head but can’t follow up immediately.  Dave up to the top ropes and hits the corner dropkick.  Another cover…another kickout at two.  Dave wants a Brainbuster on the apron, Chism counters with the half-nelson backbreaker.

Chism pulls Dave back into the ring.  He takes Dave’s head and arm and delivers a head and arm suplex.  Chism pulls Dave back to his feet and punches him in the gut. Chism hits a koppo kick on Dave.  Dave picks up Chism and responds with a tilt-a-whirl suplex.  Dave drags Chism back to the floor.  Tequila Sheila wanders over and blasts him with her blender.  Hilton and Richie complain about the interference.  Dave sends Chism to the steel barricade.  Dave scoops Chism up and does the airplane spin before throwing him to the floor.  Dave punches a woozy Chism in the head as the champ tries to regain his bearings.   Both move back into the ring.

Chism slaps Dave.  He follows with a jab and goes up top.  Flying Elbowdrop on Dave the Mechanic!  The Skanky Rich Bimbos hit the ring.  Hilton and Richie position themselves in front of Dave and whip off their tops.  Wardrobe Malfunction!  Chism lifts a distraced Dave up…Hollywood Blockbuster!   Chism covers.  …1 …2 …3

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism!!!”

——————————–

Wednesday on PCW Extreme Political TV:
-A. Tom Bomb (American Patriots) takes on Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance)
-’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete (Green World Order) vs. Grizzly Adam and Hunter the Hunter (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
-Big Oil (American Patriots) vs. Khalid El (Axis of Evil) vs. ????? with the winner getting a title shot at PCW Lock and Load against Stone Chism.

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Other Political Stories:

Senator Edward Kennedy (1932-2009)

This Obama Death Squad is Real.

Rationing

Maine Armchair

Another view

Conservative claims about health reform debunked « MNpublius.com

two op-ed pieces on healthcare reform…Krauthammer and Kinsley

Obama Returns From Vacation Facing Tough Health Overhaul Odds, But

Honore dismisses talk of Senate run

Cheney wrong on interrogation inquiry facts, Obama official says

I’m ‘slightly miffed’ at Obama, Carville says

Palin to Hong Kong 

POLITICAL HOT TOPICS: September 01, 2009

WordPress.com Political Blogger Alliance

PCW on P-SPAN Preview

The new PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism in his first match since winning the title as he faces Dave the Mechanic in a non-title bout.

Dr. Bill promises to bring in a brand new, no nonsense, old school tag team to compete for the PCW Tag Team belts.

The fallout over the death of Ted Kennedy explodes as the PCW Health Insurance debate explodes into open warfare between the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance.

Bob Nye-The Foot Fetish Guy mourns the loss of the PCW Women’s division.

Leader of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, Movie Classic, confronts Dr. Bill on his attack on Nye Wednesday night.

Gina Ramsey will have PCW Newsline.   All this and more tonight on PCW on P-SPAN.

Tribute to Ted Kennedy, Dr. Bill Challenges PCW, HOW, TV Title on the Line

PCW Extreme Political TV
August 26th, 2009
The Palace of Political Extreme/PCW Hall
Archbold, Ohio
Host: Johnny Suave

*Ten bell salute to Ted Kennedy*

Suave: “As you know, the country lost a statesman last night in the passing of Ted Kennedy.  Here in tribute to his legacy, is a match from last year that feature Kennedy at the end.  Enjoy.

REPLAY: 1/29/08 LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE
SPECIAL PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE TAG TEAM MATCH- KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC and BILL CLINTON w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe
VS.
‘MEDIA EMPRESS’ OPAL WINFREE and BARACK OBAMA w/ Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy
Winfree and the powerhouse of the Clinton camp, KRC, start. Winfree shoves her to the mat and throws her around. KRC bails to the floor. Winfree follows and rams KRC’s head into the ring apron. Shoulderblock from Winfree. They brawl all the way around the ring. KRC challenges her to a test-of-strength. KRC accepts. They lock up, allowing Carville and McAuliffe to doubleteam Winfree from behind. Knee drop by KRC gets two. She locks in the abdominal stretch on the Media Empress and allows Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy to sneak in from behind and pull KRC off. Chairshot to KRC by Opal. A second chairshot before Carville trips Opal and gives the advantage back to KRC. KRC responds with chairshots of her own. Frying pan to the snozzle. Then she pulls Opal up and throws her into the ring. Back inside, KRC wanders back to her corner and Clinton tags himself in. Opal then tags Obama in. Big stare down. Bill and Obama circle and jaw at each other. The crowd rises in anticipation. Bill shoves Obama. Obama shoves Bill. Then out of nowhere, Ted Kennedy runs down with a steel-folding chair and jumps in the ring. Kennedy looks at both men. Bill implores him to help Hillary. Barack implores him for his support. Kennedy eyeballs Clinton…then Obama. Then he pastes Clinton with the chair.

Hillary is in shock. The Clinton Political Pitbulls hit the ring. Opal’s Flock hit the ring. Everyone’s in the ring. Somewhere lost in the melee, Barack sneaks in a cover and gets the win.

Ted Kennedy then cuts a promo decrying the devisive bare knuckles, hardball tactics of the Clintons and says that Barack Obama would be a fitting nominee from the Progressive Alliance to be the next PCW CEO. Kennedy declares that it’s time for Barack Obama. “It’s not the length of time in PCW that matters, it’s his vision. He’ll be ready to become PCW CEO on day one.”

—————————————-

REPLAY: KRC vs. Miss USA from WWR Completely Deranged Supershow
…KRC and Miss USA trade punches and an Irish whip sends KRC over the top rope.  Miss USA knocks her to the floor and heads outside, only to walk right into a crescent kick. Miss USA produces a ladder, but gets Irish whipped into it.  Miss USA drop toeholds KRC into the seat of a chair, then grabs the ladder and leans it the side of the ring.  KRC low-blows Miss USA before she can do anything, then suplexes her on the ladder for two.  Ashley and Vanessa double team Miss USA and send her head first into the ladder.  Suave: “She’s hurt.  The Mean Girl Clique got a freebie and they took advantage of it.”  McGill races around the ring and engages with Ashley and Vanessa.  KRC pulls Miss USA by the hair back to the ring.  She side headlocks Miss USA and sets her for a DDT.  Miss USA somehow manages to escape and sends KRC crashing into the corner.  She follows and chops the hell out of KRC.  Miss USA sets up a chair in the ring and hits spinning toehold, sending KRC’s forehead to the edge of the chair.  Suave: “KRC’s BUSTED OPEN!  MISS USA IS SHOWING A LOT OF MOXIE TONIGHT!”

Miss USA follows with a back suplex.  She then hits neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker on KRC.  Suave: “SHE COVERS.  ONE…TWO…TH-NO!  KRC BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!”  Miss USA grabs the ladder and launches it like a javelin at KRC.  She drops the ladder on KRC.  Suave: “ANOTHER COVER…ONE…TWO…NO-…KRC KICKS OUT!  MISS USA PULLS KRC UP!  DDT ON THE LADDER!”  Miss USA drags the ladder to the corner and places KRC lying up against it.   She goes to the opposite corner on the same side and climbs to the top turnbuckle.  Suave: “Oh…no…she’s not…”  She jumps.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  PATRIOT MISSILE FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE LADDER!”  KRC’s out and slides to the floor.   Miss USA covers…Christa Carmondy storms into the ring…McGill climbs top rope and launches a flying clothesline that sends her reeling backwards. 

One…two…three.  Suave: “THAT’S IT!  HOLY CRAP…MISS USA WINS!  MISS USA IS NOW THE UNDISPUTED MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION!”  The crowd stands and gives both women a standing ovation.

Crowd: “THANK YOU LAY-DEES!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap), THANK YOU LAY-DEES!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap).”  Miss USA, Dawn McGill (on crutches), Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas, ‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya Hardy, and Mia Margarita stand in the ring. 

KRC: “MEMO TO MAX DANGER- THAT’S HOW YOU HAVE A FIVE STAR MATCH! RIGHT PCW HALL?”  The crowd roars in response.  KRC then tearfully thanks the PCW crowd for everything the past two years.  Miss USA expresses her appreciation for how PCW took her in last month and accepted her.  Kalee Jones does the same.  KRC tells the crowd that she’ll miss performing for them- especially at the PCW Hall and Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.  Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy comes out and looks unusually sad.  Miss USA tells him he can look at her feet one last time.  Miss USA: “I’m going to miss you all too.  This was a neat place to…BOB!  I SAID LOOK- NOT LICK!…as I said, this was a neat place to perform and all of you are just the best fans period.”

———————————————

Dr. Bill Segment
Dr. Bill walks out with the PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke.  He again launches into a tirade, this time, about PCW.  He blames the extreme violence and sexual inneudo for the PCW women’s division leaving. 

Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA aka The Green World Order then join Dr. Bill.  Lee states that the GWO is in complete agreement with everything just said and that it’s time PCW did something about it.  Peta complained about new wrestler Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy and his constant scoping out of women’s feet.  Nye: “Oh…sorry.”  Nye tries to leave but GreenPete grabs him and holds him still.  Dr. Bill: “Don’t leave yet.  You’re going to be the first example we’re going to make of.  So listen PCW, don’t go down the same road that High Octane Wrestling outfits does…literally.  Michael DeNucci…you’re absolutely right.  The crap that goes on there…and here…is just ridiculous.  Kirsta Lewis.  You’re going to learn the hard way that when you bite the weasel that sometimes the weasel bites back.”

Dr. Bill then again warns PCW and HOW to clean up their act.  And as a token of just how serious he is, Dr. Bill directs Baron Von Munchke and the GWO to attack Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy.  Suave: “OH, COME ON!  THIS IS THE MOST ASININE THING I’VE EVER SEEN!” 

Miss USA, KRC, Kalee Jones come to Nye’s rescue.

————————————

MATCH #1 FOR THE PCW TV TITLE
Baron Von Munchke (c) w/Dr. Bill
VS.
Newt Tron Bomb w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb
(American Patriots)
…[N-Bomb gets locked in the painful STF.  Referee Davey Keels asks N-Bomb if he quits. ... N-Bomb escapes. Von Munchke drags N-Bomb to the floor.  N-Bomb rakes the face of Von Munchke in attempt to make a come back. Von Munchke nails the bridging back suplex on N-Bomb. Von Munchke climbs to his feet. Von Munchke whips N-Bomb into the guardrail and heads back into the ring.

N-Bomb also climbs back in.  Von Munchke slingshot elbow drops N-Bomb. Von Munchke climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on N-Bomb.  Von Munchke thrust kicks N-Bomb in the head. Von Munchke slaps N-Bomb with the claw and he taps out.]

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION TITLE CHAMPION: BARON VON MUNCHKE

Suave: “Baron Von Munchke picks up the win and retains the PCW Television Title. 

————————————-

PCW Newsline by Gina Ramsey

Here’s the latest news from the world of PCW.

PCW CEO Obama Not in Building Tonight
He will be heading to Massachusetts for the funeral of Ted Kennedy later this week.

O’Beck Bahama Released from Hospital
Some good news to report, former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama was released from St. Vincent’s Hospital in Toledo, Ohio today.  Bahama suffered a mild concussion Sunday night in the four-way match when his head hit the ring bell.

Bahama will be out of action for at least two weeks as a precaution.

PCW Lock and Load Set for September 27th
Now that the WWR show is done, all attention turns to next month’s pay per view- PCW Lock and Load 4.  Tomorrow night’s PCW Extreme Political TV starts to road forward towards Lock and Load with a new champion, Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism, and the loss of the women’s division.  Expect the men’s and tag team division to heat up significantly as Lock and Load nears.

Quad R-The Right Reverend Randy Richardson
Sunday night’s WWR show marked another low in the comeback of Quad R from a serious injury earlier this year.  Several wrestlers have noted that Richardson doesn’t seem to have the same fire that he did before being thrown through a glass table and knocked out of commission for several weeks.

Quad R will have to recover from his latest set back and quick.  He faces arch-enemy Big Oil tomorrow night in the main event.

H-Bomb Coming Back!
Yes, it’s true.  Hy Drogen Bomb is coming back to PCW.  The PCW original will return the first week in September.

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UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
8/30- PCW on P-SPAN
9/2- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/6- PCW on P-SPAN
9/9- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/13- PCW on P-SPAN
9/16- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/20- PCW on P-SPAN
9/23- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/27- PCW Lock and Load 4 PPV

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MATCH #2
Total Eliminators- Cadillac & Jaguar
VS.
Average Joe and American Trucker
(American Heartland Coalition)

…[Average Joe springboard DDT's Jaguar onto the mat!  Average Joe tags in American Trucker. Jaguar gets back into the match with a jumping neck snap on American Trucker.  A somersault bodyblock by Jaguar does little damage to American Trucker.  Jaguar gets back to his feet.  Jaguar hits American Trucker with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle.  Jaguar climbs to his feet. Jaguar fist drops American Trucker on the mat.  

Jaguar puts American Trucker thru a table with an elbow drop from the top rope! Cadillac in.  Jaguar thrust kicks American Trucker in the head. Handspring hurricanrana by Jaguar.  Cadillac sets up behind AT.  Spinning heel kick by Jaguar.  TOTAL ELIMINATION!   Jaguar has American Trucker pinned. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Total Eliminators

Suave: “Nice victory by the Total Eliminators as they try to climb up the tag team rankings again.  Average Joe made his first appearance since returning to PCW.  Good to see Average Joe back.”

————————————

PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism Segment

A group of photographers snap away as the new PCW Champion makes his way down the aisle to the ring, accompanied by the Skanky Rich Bimbos- Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Chism holds the PCW title belt up high and proclaims a new era in Political Championship Wrestling.  Chism: “No more…will PCW accept and promote mediocrity.  No more…will PCW accept anything less then the very best in their champion.  And for the first time ever, PCW has a bona fide star in their midst…me.”  The PCW Hall crowd boos. 

‘Not just unbearable, not just intolerable, I am…” Justin Sufferable walks out and begs to differ with the champ.  Sufferable: “I can name several PCW Champions who were bigger stars than you…let’s see…Starz N. Stripes, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido…hmm….O’Beck Bahama….”  The crowd cheers Bahama’s name.  Sufferable: “…and…let’s see…OH!  ME!”  Crowd: “F*** em up, Justin, f*** him up!” (clap, clap) 

The SRB’s Paris Hilton disagrees.  Paris: “Justin, face it.  We’re hot…and you’re not.” 

Quad aka The Right Reverend Randy Richardson comes out with the God Squad (Rev. Robertson, Rev. Warren, and Rev. Falwell, Jr.).  Quad R claims he was screwed out of the title and demands a title shot without Khalid El or O’Beck Bahama in the ring at the same time.  Chism demures and then shows a clip from the match at WWR Completely Deranged…

Chism walks Quad R over to the Skanky Rich Bimbos- Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Paris and Nicole whip open their tops in front of Quad R.  Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  God, I never get tired of that move.”  Chism lifts Quad R up…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER!  What’s left of Quad R is rolled back into the ring.  Chism covers.  One…two…three. 

Eliminated: Quad R- The Right Reverend Randy Richardson

Khalid El comes out with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Ahmadinejad claims that biased American referees cost Khalid El the PCW title.  Again, Chism shows a replay…

Suave: “BAHAMA’S OUT!  CHISM UP…KHALID EL HAS HIM BY THE THROAT!  The SRB latch on to each of Khalid El’s legs and try to pull him down.  Suave: “HILTON AND RICHIE ARE TRYING TO PULLS THE BIG GUY OFF…THEY DON’T SEE….OH NO!”  6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela grabs Hilton and Richie by the throat and clanks their heads together, knocking both out.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claps his hands.  Venezuela and Khalid El grab Chism by the throat.  Suave: “DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM ON THE WAY!”  Rahm Emanuel, Starz N. Stripes and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido run down.  Suave: “IT’S RAHM EMANUEL!  F-BOMB TO KHALID EL!  STARZ AND ESCONDIDO WORK ON VENEZUELA!”  Emanuel points at Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il.  Chism covers Khalid El.  Suave: “ONE!  TWO!  THREE!”

Chism proposes a three-way dance to determine the new number one contender who’ll meet him next month at PCW Lock and Load.  Then Big Oil and Texas Tex joins the party.  Big Oil calls Quad R washed up and the lackluster showing at WWR Completely Deranged proves it.   Big Oil: “Quad R, you’re done.  You’re gas tank is empty…so to speak.  And I sure as hell ain’t going to be the one who fuels you back up.  I’m challenging you right here and now to match for YOUR spot in the three way dance.” 

Quad R wastes no time and attacks Big Oil…

MATCH #3
Big Oil w/Texas Tex
(American Patriots)
VS.
Quad R aka The Right Reverend Randy Richardson w/the God Squad
(The God Squad)

Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring to do the announcing.

Charlene Ann:  This match is a Standard Match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 325 pounds, from Houston, Texas a member of American Patriots,  seconded tonight by Texas Tex- Big Oil!!!

(crowd boos **)

Charlene Ann:  and his opponent, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Toledo, OH a member of the God Squad, Quad R-The Reverend Randy Richardson!!! 

[The bell rings]

 [Quad R double underhook faceslams Big Oil hard to the Big Oil. Now Big Oil standing. He picks Quad R up and Powerslams him directly on the chair!!! Big Oil sucks chants start in the crowd. Big Oil climbs to his feet. Quad R is back on his feet. Quad R hits a jumping elbow hrust on Big Oil. Big Oil moves back to his feet. Big Oil bounces Quad R off the ropes and clotheslines him. Big Oil puts the chair on Quad R's head...Big Oil leg drops Quad R's face! Quad R is bleeding! Davey Keels counts the pin. ...1 Quad R escapes. ]…..

…[Big Oil bounces Quad R off the ropes and clotheslines him. Big Oil clotheslines Quad R. Big Oil and Quad R move back into the ring. Big Oil gives Quad R a Gut Wrench Powerbomb on the open chair!! Big Oil sets the chair on Quad R...Big Oil hits a Big Splash on the chair and Quad R!! Big Oil sucks chants start in the crowd. Big Oil is back on his feet. Oklahoma Driller! Big Oil Oklahoma Drillers Quad R onto the mat. Quad R is out cold! Big Oil puts the chair on Quad R's head...Big Oil leg drops Quad R's face! Quad R is bleeding! Referee Davey Keels makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: BIG OIL

Suave: “BIG OIL BACK IN SINGLES AND LOOKING DOWNRIGHT DOMINANT RIGHT NOW!  THAT’S GOING TO DO IT FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV.  I’M JOHNNY SUAVE…CHECK OUT THESE FINE FEDERATIONS BELOW…SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!”

————————

valley.jpg

 

Missouri Valley Wrestling Association
 
The Vatican Vice Squad
vs.
The Inconvenient Truth

 Mia Margarita- host of the show ‘So You Want a Shot at
Scoring with a Skanky Video TV Reality Show Host’
vs.
‘Trailer Park Skater Girl’ Tanya  Hardy

Main Event
MVW Champion Miss USA, Tessa Martin, and Corrina Romanov
vs.
Christa Carmondy, The Mean Girl Clique-Ashley and Vanessa

This Sunday night at 9 PM

———————————-

[image]

Live from the Air Canada Center in Toronto, Ontario

  Show Date: August 30th, Results Posted August 31st – September 2nd

*****************

MATCH 1: OVERDRIVE TITLE MATCH
SHADOW (C) VS BIGGS

~~~

MATCH 2
STREETS WILSON VS JOE MARTINEZ

~~~

MATCH 3: CWF XTREME TITLE MATCH
JASON ROYCE (C) VS ROCKY STARR

~~~

MATCH 4: FATAL 4 WAY MATCH
THE ZERO VS VICTOR HADES VS TED BENNETT VS JOHN GREEN

~~~

MATCH 5: GRUDGE MATCH
IF LIVELY WINS, HE GETS BACK HIS APW CONTRACT
“PRESIDENT” HURRICANE JEFF VS “THE WHITE LION” MICHAEL LIVELY

~~~

MATCH 6: APW XTREME TITLE BLAZE OF GLORY MATCH
MUST SET OPPONENT ON FIRE TO WIN
CHRIS CYRUS (C) VS SLADE CRAVEN

~~~

MATCH 7: APW WORLD TITLE MATCH
SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: PENCE WEATHERLIGHT
STIPULATION: LEVEL ONE MUST PIN NUNEZ FOR 6 SECOND
LEVEL ONE (C) VS JESSE NUNEZ

—————————–

SIMCOE COUNTY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING

Aaron Blaize is set to debut this week against SCCW’s resident Mental Case, Rex Masters. Will Blaize be able to show the Simcoe faithful exactly what he’s willing to bring to the table, or will Rex Masters beat the rookie and score his first win?


S&M vs. Riflewilly and Alexander Steele
Not only will S&M be making a return, but Riflewilly will be returning as well. The new tandem of Willy and Steele could prove to be a serious threat if they manage to beat S&M, but S&M could also prove their dominance with a dominant win. Will there be a lot of rust on Patrick McCarthy, whom we haven’t seen since in an actual match since his brutal war with Jay Jerzey?



Galactix vs. Blade
Galactix has come up on a bit of a dry spell as of late, as has Blade. Which one of these SCCW mainstays will be able to top the other one and get a win under their belt?



Damion Darkside vs. Samuel Hessingstock
Damion Darkside made his return last week against SCCW Newcomer, Electro. Will Damion be lucky for two weeks in a row, or will Samuel Hessingstock’s sting prove to be fatal for SCCW’s ex-alcoholic?



Greg Venom vs. Paul Cain
Two of SCCW’s best and leaders of SCCW’s next wave of stars square off in what is almost guaranteed to be a battle of epic proportions. Can Cain topple Greg Venom and prove to be the true leader of the new generation of stars, or will Greg’s venom prove to be too much for Cain’s heart?



RETURN MATCH – NON TITLE
Kirsta Lewis vs. Sydney LaRoux
Last week, the Hellcat proved why she is the original and top woman in SCCW. After beating Sydney for the one title that’s always escaped her, Kirsta Lewis will battle with Sydney in a non-title match. Can Sydney overcome the loss and prove that she truly deserves the All Barrie Title, or will Kirsta, yet again, stop the Deviant in her place?



War Machine vs. Street Cred
The SCCW Tag Team Champs return to the A Studio after a week’s hiatus, facing the newest team in SCCW, Street Cred. Will Chris Champion and The Machine be able to decimate the new team and show them who runs the SCCW tag team division, or will Street Cred prove themselves to be a major tag team threat?



MAIN EVENT – NON TITLE
Myke Adams vs. Dr. Ian
Meeting up for merely the third time in both of their rather fan-lure styled careers. Former UCW World champion, Doctor Ian, gets to take his chances with SCCW’s Heavyweight champ, Myke Adams, in a non-title contest. These two men have never had the chance to lock it up one on one, and this could make itself into a very strong proving point for Ian, if he is able to do something no one has none since the third MNA since SCCW’s return, and pin The Suicidal Superman.

————————-

 Other Political Posts:

The Wingnut Celebration of Ted Kennedy’s Death | Crooks and Liars

Politicizing Ted Kennedy’s death « Sister Toldjah

Wonk Room » Ted Kennedy’s Record On Health Care Reform

Ted Kennedy Endorses Barack Obama – Jack & Jill Politics

Patterico’s Pontifications » Pelosi: Ted Kennedy Died? Great! That

Obsidian Wings: Why I’m A Ted Kennedy Liberal

President to Eulogize Ted Kennedy at Funeral? at The Insider

Ted Kennedy: Brits should get over Chappaquiddick – Telegraph Blogs

 Sanford fights back against call for resignation

POLITICAL HOT TOPICS: August 27, 2009

Kennedy’s Senate desk draped in black

http://letterstoadyingdream.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/win-one-for-the-swimmer/

http://datechguy.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/dead-man-voting/

http://wecogitate.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/ted-kennedys-deadly-legacy-for-america-by-frosty-wooldridge/

http://tejaztlan.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/ten-things-ted-kennedy-did-for-latinos/

http://citizensagainstproobamamediabias.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/potus-to-deliver-sen-kennedy-eulogy/

http://af1blog.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/there-are-times%e2%80%a6/

WordPress.com Political Blogger Alliance

PCW Extreme Political TV Preview for Tonight

Tonight on PCW Extreme Political TV, it’s the end of an era as Kathryn Randall Collins, Miss USA, and the rest of the PCW Women’s roster heading to Missouri Valley Wrestling says goodbye.

‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke takes on Newt Tron Bomb for the PCW Television Title

And an old rivalry is rekindled as The Right Reverend Randy Richardson meets Big Oil in the main event

Plus, new PCW Champion ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism makes his first appearance as champion tonight.

All this and more on PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Newsline:

8/25- PCW Newsline by Gina Ramsey

Here’s the latest news from the world of PCW.

O’Beck Bahama Released from Hospital
Some good news to report, former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama was released from St. Vincent’s Hospital in Toledo, Ohio today.  Bahama suffered a mild concussion Sunday night in the four-way match when his head hit the ring bell.

Bahama will be out of action for at least two weeks as a precaution.

PCW Lock and Load Set for September 27th
Now that the WWR show is done, all attention turns to next month’s pay per view- PCW Lock and Load 4.  Tomorrow night’s PCW Extreme Political TV starts to road forward towards Lock and Load with a new champion, Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism, and the loss of the women’s division.  Expect the men’s and tag team division to heat up significantly as Lock and Load nears.

Quad R-The Right Reverend Randy Richardson
Sunday night’s WWR show marked another low in the comeback of Quad R from a serious injury earlier this year.  Several wrestlers have noted that Richardson doesn’t seem to have the same fire that he did before being thrown through a glass table and knocked out of commission for several weeks.

Quad R will have to recover from his latest set back and quick.  He faces arch-enemy Big Oil tomorrow night in the main event.

H-Bomb Coming Back!
Yes, it’s true.  Hy Drogen Bomb is coming back to PCW.  The PCW original will return the first week in September.

PCW Says Goodbye to the Ladies
Kathryn Randall Collins, Miss USA, and the rest of the ladies roster headed to the Missouri Valley Wrestling Association will be on hand tomorrow night to say their final farewells to PCW.

————————-

PCW RANKINGS

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS
:
#1- ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance)
#2- The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (The God Squad)
#3- A. Tom Bomb (American Patriots)

PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS:
#1- Jack and Bull Schett (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
#2- Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance.)
#3- Cadillac and Jaguar (Total Eliminators)

PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
CONTENDERS:
#1-SNAFU (Independent)
#2- Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
#3- American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition)

UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
8/26- PCW Extreme Political TV
8/30- PCW on P-SPAN
9/2- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/6- PCW on P-SPAN
9/9- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/13- PCW on P-SPAN
9/16- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/20- PCW on P-SPAN
9/23- PCW Extreme Political TV
9/27- PCW Lock and Load 4 PPV

WWR Completely Deranged: McGill v. Polowy plus bonus match

MATCH 7
EXTREME HARDCORE GRUDGE DEATHMATCH
Dawn McGill
VS.
Mike Polowy

 

*Yes, Please by Muse plays*

 

Suave: ‘So here we are.”  A cascading wall of boos greets Michael Polowy as he reluctantly makes his way up the aisle with Level-One and Jak Nemesis. 

Yes please, haha

I cannot sleep
There’s too much noise in my head
I cannot sleep
I want it here instead

I never thought that this could come to this
I just wanna look at your face in peace now
You’ll never miss
But I can

Suave: “One half of DWF’s Tag Team champions and the DWF Women’s titleholder.  Polowy right now is either living out the ultimate heel fantasy where practically EVERYONE in the building wants to see your ass get kicked three days to Sunday… OR…he feels like he’s walking into the lion’s den.  Probably a little bit of both.”  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”  Polowy ate it all up.  He cupped his hand up against an ear and played deaf which only riled the crowd up even more. 

*opening guitar licks to the Beastie Boys ‘Sabotage’ play*

Suave: “THE CROWD STANDS AS THE SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT COMES OUT!”

“Can’t Stand It, I Know You Planned It
Ima Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can’t Stand Rockin’ When I’m In Here
‘Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain’t So Crystal Clear
So, While You Sit Back And Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My God, It’s A Mirage
I’m Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage”

Dawn McGill, accompanied by ‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis of High Octane Wrestling, Simcoe County Championship Wrestling, Totally Fictional Wrestling Federation, Valora Salinas of Wrestling Midwest, and the undisputed Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA all climb into the ring.

“So,So,So, So Listen Up ‘Cause You Can’t Say Nothin’
You Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button
But yo, I’m Out And I’m Gone
I’ll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

‘Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet, So Don’t You Get Souped Yet
Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage
I’m Tryin’ To Tell You Now It’s Sabotage”

McGill and Polowy glare hard at each other.  But it’s WMW’s Valora who starts in on Polowy.  Suave: “And the trash talking begins.  The referee is going to have a hell of a time keeping this one under control.”  Polowy takes a tentative step towards WMW’s Queen of Hardcore but McGill moves right away to cut him off.  Polowy wisely retreats back to his corner and confers with Level-One and Jak Nemesis.

Charlene Ann Beckworth is ready for the ring introductions.  Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen.  This will be our main event.  This match will be a no disqualification, hardcore deathmatch.  In this corner, seconded tonight by the Dream Wrestling Federation Champion and Wednesday Wrestling Rag’s #1 rated Men’s wrestler, Level-One, and the co-holder of the DWF Tag Team belts Jak Nemesis,  he is also one half of the DWF Tag Team Champions and the DWF Women’s-”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “I didn’t think the crowd would go along with that…”  Charlene Ann: “From Atlantic City, New Jersey, MICHAEL POLOWY!”  Another wave of loud dissonance emitted from the crowd. 

Charlene Ann: “In the other corner, seconded by the WWR’s #1 ranked woman wrestler, The Hellcat, Kirsta Lewis…”  A another loud ovation greets the visiting Hellcat with the PCW regulars in the front row genuflecting to her chanting ‘we’re not worthy…we’re not worthy.’  Charlene Ann: …the WWR’s #8 ranked woman wrestler, the new Queen of Extreme, Wrestling Midwest’s Hardcore Champion, Valora Salinas!”  Crowd: “QUEEN OF EXTREME!  QUEEN OF EXTREME!”  Charlene Ann: “Also seconding, the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion and WWR’s #10 ranked woman wrestler, Miss USA!”  Crowd: “USA…USA…USA…”  Charlene Ann: “From Morenci, Michigan, the Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt and owner of the most lethal 4” stilettos there is- DAWN McGILL!”

Suave: “THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS!  BUT I DON’T THINK NEITHER McGILL OR POLOWY ARE PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO THE CROWD RIGHT NOW.  McGILL HAS HER SINGAPORE CANE AT THE READY!”

The bell rings.

Suave: “THERE’S THE BELL!  McGILL COMES RIGHT OUT AFTER POLOWY!”  McGill swings the Singapore cane…*THWACK*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT SENT POLOWY STAGGERING ACROSS THE RING…*THWACK*  ANOTHER ONE!  McGILL’S TRYING TO FILET POLOWY’S BACK!”  Polowy immediately drops down and rolls out of the ring.  The crowd lets him have it.  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  Polowy pounds the ring apron and then notices Valora is a little too close for comfort.  He relocates himself back to his corner and once again discusses strategy with Level-One and Nemesis.  Polowy grabs a steel folding chair and climbs back in.

Suave: “Polowy back in…again…they’re talking back and forth at each other.  McGill is practically begging him to come after her.  Polowy is being a little more cautious right now.”  Polowy rushes in with the chair.  He swings.  McGill’s not there.  *CLANK*  The chair hits the corner ringpost.  Polowy again charges.  McGill grabs the arm and hits the armdrag takedown.  The chair goes flying across the ring.  Suave: “McGILL WITH THE ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!  HE CHARGES McGILL AGAIN…ANOTHER ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!”  McGill adjusts her knee brace and waits.  Polowy charges a third time.  Dawn holds on to the arm into an arm wringer.  She pulls Mike towards her and lifts him up.  Suave: “McGILL HAS A FIREMAN’S CARRY…BODY SLAM!”  Again, Polowy slams his hand down and rolls out of the ring. 

MPlow tries to sneak around but Lewis is right there to stop that.  Polowy hurries back around and gets back into the ring.  Suave: “Mike almost seems a little rattled right now.  You can tell he’s trying to think his way through this.”  Polowy suddenly launches himself at McGill…flying shoulder block sends her to the mat.   Suave: “McGill on the canvas.  She’s back to her feet and…SHE TACKLES POLOWY!”  McGill pummels his head.   Suave: “THE CROWD AGAIN GOING NUTS!  NOW McGILL HAS AN CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  McGill goes with the Rear Triangle Choke.  Polowy powers up and McGill releases the hold.  Polowy clutches his neck.  He takes a wild left hand swing and missies badly.  McGill throws a left and connects sending Polowy reeling into her corner.  Suave: “Bad place to be.  THERE’S KIRSTA LEWIS!  WHOA!”  Lewis cold-cocks Polowy and sends him right back to McGill.  Dawn nails him with another left and sends him back to Lewis.  Suave: “Polowy looks like a duck caught in a firing range.”  Lewis grabs a barbed wire covered baseball bat and swings at Polowy.  He ducks…McGill has to duck…even Miss USA and Valora must duck.  McGill takes the opening and swings her foot hard, connecting with Polowy’s private area.  *CLANK*  Polowy grins and pulls down the front of his trunks enough to show a metal codpiece is protecting his crown jewels.  McGill motions to Valora who reaches down and throws her a taser.  Suave: “Oh…no…no, no…  *ZZZZAP*  HOLY CRAP!”  Mike starts hopping up and down, desperately trying to remove the codpiece…he finally does.

McGill then hits a standing dropkick and Polowy tumbles through the ropes to the floor.  Suave: “THE CROWD IS LOVING THIS SO FAR.  McGILL ON THE FLOOR…SHE WHIPS POLOWY INTO THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis take tentative steps forward but step back when Lewis, Valora, and Miss USA respond in kind.  McGill gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Polowy. McGill throws the chair down and again pulls Polowy back up. Chop across the chest. A second one. McGill whips Polowy into the steel guardrail. Polowy flips over the guardrail into the crowd. Suave: “This has been all McGill so far.”

McGill is handed a cup of beer. Beer shot to Polowy. Cookie sheet is next. *WHACK* The cookie sheet is bent at a ninety degree angle after McGill uses it. Cheese grater.  McGill rubs the cheese grater across Polowy’s forehead cutting him open.  Suave: “CHEESE GRATER!  CHEESE GRATER!”  The crowd parts and creates a corridor as McGill pushes Polowy towards the concession stand. McGill throws Polowy head first into the edge of the stand. Polowy finally fights back and pushes McGill away. He tries to fire some shots at McGill. McGill goes hammerlock and then reverses into a side headlock. Polowy reverses into an arm wringer. McGill can’t break the hold so she punches Polowy in the mouth. McGill grabs a squeeze bottle full of ketchup and squirts it in Polowy’s eyes. McGill again chokes out Polowy. Suave: “Polowy’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can she…say, what is Miss USA doing over there with that rope?” Miss USA throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. McGill drives Polowy towards Miss USA. McGill gets another chair. *CLANG* Polowy staggers. McGill pushes him down at Miss USA’s feet. Miss USA loops the rope around Polowy’s feet. She pulls the rope on the other side and Polowy goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.  Polowy’s strung up like a human pinata.” McGill gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Polowy with it. Suave: “McGILL’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. POLOWY’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…HERE COMES LEVEL-ONE!” Level-One runs down and swipes the chair from McGill. *CLANG* McGill staggers backwards. Miss USA makes a run at Level-One. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. McGill gets up and charges again. *CLANG* McGill pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “LEVEL-ONE CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN POLOWY AND I DON’T THINK POLOWY KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!” Level-One guides Polowy back towards the ring. McGill gets up a few seconds later.

Polowy gets about halfway up the aisle and stops.  Kirsta Lewis is now in the ring AMD waiting…with a nail gun at the ready.  The crowd roars.  Suave: “NAIL GUN!  THE HELLCAT HAS A NAIL GUN.  SHE’S BRINGING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY!”  Polowy mouths ‘fuck this’ and heads back towards the locker room.  The crowd boos him incessantly but he continues on.  Suave: “Polowy’s had enough and he’s headed to the back.”  He disappears and then a few seconds later reemerges walking backward.  Then Angels of Death- Angel Casey and Angel Scott, Kathryn Randall Collins, Weathergirl Hallie, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas- all with assorted sundry weapons, follow and herd him back to the ring.  Suave: “HE’S NOT GOING TO GET AWAY! 

Dawn asks for and receives a microphone.  Dawn: “Come on, Mikey.  Kirsta’s putting the nail gun away.  It’s safe for you to come in.”  She grins as Polowy slowly advances on.

The second Polowy gets back in the ring, he executes a flying knee drop to McGill’s midsection. Polowy climbs to the top. McGill gets hit with the shooting star press.  He covers…1 …2 McGill kicks out.

Suave: “Polowy with a stiff right hand!”  Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill fires a left right back at him.”  Crowd: “YESSSSSSSSSS!”  Suave: “Now it’s Polowy with another right hand.”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill with another left!” Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “Polowy!”   Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” 

McGill goes for a slam but she gets picked up and dropped with the fireman’s carry by Polowy.  He follows with a diving elbow smash and stomps McGill’s head.  Suave: “Polowy rakes his fingers across McGill’s back.  Now he goes up top…Flying Tomahawk sends McGill down to the mat.  Polowy kicks in the back of her bad leg. Polowy stands up. Polowy hits McGill with a double underhook piledrive right into the mat. Polowy sends McGill to ringside.  Polowy chokes McGill with a microphone cable.  He releases her and she falls to the floor.  Polowy follows with a fist drop.  McGill retaliates with a sharp elbow to the midsection.  She rakes her fingers across Polowy’s eyes.  Polowy pulls McGill’s hair.  Suave: “They are throwing everything but the kitchen sink at each other!  Watch out…Suplex on the way…wham!”  McGill gets tiger suplexed by Polowy.  McGill moves back to her feet and drives a forearm into the head of Polowy. She pins Polowy against the ropes and chokes him with her forearm.  McGill bounces Polowy off the ropes and sitdown face slams him onto the mat. Suave: “Polowy has taken a lot of punishment in the early going.  But he’s still in there and showing some heart.”  Lockup.  McGill sends Polowy to the corner of the ring.  McGill follows with a high crossbody.  McGill steps back and let’s Polowy get up.  She then hits the ropes and nails Polowy with a huge slingshot somersault splash.  Cover.  One…two…kick out.  McGill slaps on the camel clutch on Polowy.  Polowy powers out.

Suave: “Amazing action.  Polowy with a right hand to the face.  Polowy now drives a forearm into the head of McGill.”  Polowy snaps up the arm and takes her down with a corkscrew armdrag.  Polowy back into the ropes.  High crossbody on McGill. Polowy covers.  One…no…McGill quickly kicks out.”   McGill wraps her hands around Polowy to try for a belly-to-belly suplex. Polowy blocks it and throws her down. Polowy schoolboys McGill …1 …2  McGill again kicks out.  Polowy pulls her up and locks in the abdominal stretch.  Suave: “Polowy is going to try and wear her down.”  McGill manages to escape.  Polowy clotheslines her.  He kicks away at McGill and then puts her in an arm grapevine submission.  Polowy knees McGill and rolls back to his feet. When McGill stands,  he delivers a stiff inverted powerbomb that sends McGill hard to the mat. Moonsault follows. Polowy covers.  One…two…McGill gets out.  She attempts a cradle DDT but Polowy avoids it.  Polowy locks McGill in a full nelson and slams her to the mat. McGill climbs to her feet and uncorks a superkick on Polowy.  Recovering quickly, Polowy throws McGill off the ropes and hits a cross-body block.  He goes to an arm wrench to ground McGill.  She uses her power to rise up; Polowy uses a legsweep faceslam to bring her right back down.

Suave: “Dawn’s not moving as crisply as she was earlier on.  That knee, injured while she was an Army Ranger serving her country in Iraq, simply can’t stand up to the constant punishment.  That’s why Dawn’s never been a full or part time wrestler.  Polowy has fought a very smart match so far.  He withstood the initial onslaught he knew was coming.  And like the Ali-Foreman fight, he was smart enough to let his opponent tire themselves out.  The longer this match goes on; the better for Mike Polowy.  He may be in the driver’s seat right now.”  Polowy continues to grind.  He finds the metal codpiece from earlier in the match and starts jamming it hard into McGill’s bad knee.  McGill tries to claw her way to the ropes.  Polowy yanks her legs back and then stands and slaps on the figure four leglock.  Suave: “FIGURE FOUR!  POLOWY HAS IT LOCKED ON!”  McGill attempts to flip Polowy over and reverse the effect.  Suave: “POLOWY’S HANGING ON…”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis urge him on.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora Salinas shout out encouragement to Dawn.  McGill continues to inch closer to the ropes.  Suave: “BACK KICK BY McGILL!  SHE REACHES THE ROPES BUT HER KNEE IN INJURED…SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP!”  McGill clutches the ropes.  Polowy advances and she takes a couple wild swings that miss.  Polowy kicks at the bad knee and McGill loses her footing.  Suave: “She’s back down and now, Polowy is dragging her to his corner.  This can’t be good.”  Polowy and Level-One put her in the Tree of Woe.  Nemesis hands Polowy a chair and holds on to one leg.  L-1 holds the other.  *CLANG*  Polowy brings the full force of the chair on Dawn’s bad knee.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  SOMEONE STOP HIM!”  Lewis inches into the ring and gets the referee’s attention.  This allows Polowy to continue to whack away at the knee with the chair.  Suave: “STOP HIM DAMMIT!”  Dawn topples off the corner and holds her knee in severe pain.  Polowy grins and motions to Level-One and Nemesis.  They come in and drag Dawn back to the corner and hold each of her arms.   Polowy places her right foot on the lower turnbuckle, then the other.  Suave: “STOP HIM!”  Polowy backs up a couple steps.  Then he charges forward and winds up with his foot.  Suddenly, in a blur his back is on the canvas and the crowd is going crazy.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  SOMEONE JUMPED IN THE RING AND…TESSA?”  ‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin stands over Polowy, oversized pizza box in hand.  Suave: “SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL TODAY.  SHE JUST TOOK POLOWY’S HEAD OFF WITH THE PIZZA BOX!  HOLD ON!  THAT’S LORA KIRK!  SHE’S IN THE RING!  REAR CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  Tessa quickly exits.  Level-One and Nemesis attack KirK.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora leap into the ring and it’s on.  Suave: “NOW TRAVIS WILLIAMS AND CANCER JILES …ANGELS OF DEATH…KRC…ALL THE MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLERS ARE STREAMING IN!  IT’S A FREAKIN’ BRAWL!”  The referee calls for the bell and throws the match out.  A conga line of security personnel run down to the ring as Polowy, Level-One, and Nemesis are overwhelmed by sheer numbers.   Suave: “SECURITY IS OUT TO TRY AND GET POLOWY OUT OF HERE.  MEDICAL EMT’S ARE ATTENDING TO DAWN McGILL.”  Two security people help escort Polowy from the ring.  Valora tries to get at him.  She’s blocked by another security guard.  She grabs his arm and Border Tosses him over the top rope and through the announcer’s table.  Suave: “I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY!  NOW, SHE’S UP ON TOP…”  She moonsaults from the top and splashes Polowy and the two guards.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  VALORA JUST AZTEC MOONSAULTED ONTO POLOWY’S SECURITY GUARDS!”

The scrum moves up the aisle towards the back and clears the ring leaving just Kirsta Lewis and Level One.  They eye each other warily and start talking.  Level One takes exception to something Kirsta said and gets in her face.  Kirsta pushes Level One.  He pushes her right back. 

The flickering of red and gold lights along with the sounds of “Genesis” by Justice blare through the loudspeakers.  The crowd rises again…  Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE…I KNOW THAT MUSIC!  NO WAY!  THEY CAN’T BE HERE TONIGHT!”  German flags flew on the monitor.  Kirsta and L-1 turn and can’t believe what they see.  Bastian von Bismarck and Hans Wilhelm aka… Blitzkrieg Funk walking down the aisle towards the ring.   Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT!  THEY’RE HERE!  THE WWR’S NUMBER ONE RANKED TAG TEAM, BLITZKRIEG FUNK!”  A referee slides into the ring and calls for the bell. 

MATCH 8
BONUS MATCH
WWR #1 ranked tag team
Blitzkrieg Funk
VS.
WWR #1 ranked Ladies Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and WWR #1 ranked Men’s Level One

Suave: “THIS IS AMAZING!  THE NUMBER ONE TAG TEAM AGAINST THE NUMBER ONE MEN’S AND WOMEN’S WRESTLERS.”   Blitzkrieg Funk bolted across the ring and it was on.  Hans with a double axe-handle down across Level One’s back.  Bastian sparring with the Hellcat.  Suave: “THIS IS UNBELIEVEABLE!……what?  What do you mean we only have a minute left in the broadcast?  You…you can’t be serious.”  Panzerfaust hammers black-taped fists against Level One’s chest.  L-1 lifts Wilhelm and nails the release German Suplex.  Bastian and Kirsta are locked up in a battle royale on the other side.  Suave: “No!  You can’t end it now!  No!  NOOOOOOOOOO-

WWR Completely Deranged: PCW Women’s-MVW Title Unification Match

Mike Polowy Segment
”Mom’s and dads, now might be a great time to tell little Billy to piss off for awhile.

Why? Because I’m not exactly going to be weaving a touching family tale here for the next several pages. For those of you teen and tweenagers out in blogland who’s parents are too busy doing anything but being parents right now, I want you to remember some of the words you see inside here today, and be sure to use them whenever possible.

Alright, this is fucking bullshit.

I mean, I get it. Tessa Martin might not be able to have babies anymore, boo hoo, I heard the whole fucking story enough times in the last two days to make me wanna vomit harder than a cheerleader with a cute face but fat thighs (PS, kids, bulimia is a GREAT way to lose weight. Write that down!). And everyone keeps looking down at me over their pointy little noses, like I’m supposed to feel some kind of guilt over being the guy who put her vag trough into this state of eternal hemorrhaging. What the fuck? Let’s be honest, especially with you men out there… women spend a week out of every month gushing blood out of those cervical slip and slides. Do you really expect me to feel guilty for having the same effect on her that a change of birth control would have? So in case I needed to clarify for all the neo-nazi feminist rug munchers out there who think I should be crying tears over Tessa Martin’s clit-splitting spiral into unconsciousness, no, I feel little to no remorse for what happened on Monday night. In fact, the only thing I feel a little sorry for at this point is that I couldn’t have brought her a comically large tampon after the match with a big red fucking bow on it.

So what’s got my proverbial panties in a bunch, you ask?

It’s quite simple.

I signed a contract on Monday night to compete at WWR’s Completely Deranged this Sunday. I did so knowingly and willingly, and I did so under the pretenses that I would be facing ‘The Extremely Lame Promo Delivery Girl” Tessa Martin. I was fine with that. If she wanted to sign her own death certificate by stepping into the ring with the greatest Women’s Champion in the history of DREAM, that was her decision and to be honest I almost respected it. But today, I take a look at the DREAM website and I see that I’ll be headlining the show (no surprise there) against none other than that Conan The Destroyer With A Cast Iron Tampon manager Dawn McGill she’s been parading around with the last few weeks. What the fuck? I’m sorry, but I’m fairly certain that when one signs a contract, that contract is legally binding. It isn’t my problem that Tessa Martin is currently curled up somewhere in the fetal position, trying to pass the tip of my boot like an unholy kidney stone, the fact of the matter is that she is contractually obligated to appear in the ring with me on Sunday night. I agreed to wrestle her, but I don’t seem to remember signing up to climb Mount Estrogen and face Janet Reno’s personal goddamn trainer.

This is a great example of why the Dream Wrestling Federation continues to shove its own head further into it’s own corporate ass.

Don’t color me coward, folks. Don’t get me wrong… I would have zero problem tickling McGill-Ah Gorilla’s unholiest of holes with my size eleven’s if the situation were different. This isn’t a matter of fear, intimidation, or discrimination against people with both male and female genitalia. This is a strict matter of principle, and I am by no means obligated to step into the ring this Sunday with Dawn McGill. I mean, if I were to cave in and let this little match take place this week, then what next? They could decide to drop my salary. They could fire me altogether. By wrestling this match, I would be consenting quietly to having the rights of all DWF’s top stars walked on despite tedious hours of contractual negotiation. I’m not doing this for me, ladies and gentlemen…

I’m doing it for America.

I’m doing it for capitalism. I’m doing it for democracy. I’m doing it to defend the rights that soldiers overseas are fighting so hard to protect as I write this. And so I ask the corporation that holds my contract right now… I ask the fans who will undoubtedly agree with me… and most of all, I ask the Jolly Pink Giant Dawn McGill herself… where is your patriotism? Where is your love for the great country of America? I love the stars and stripes too much to step into the ring against my contractual obligation this week, and I suggest that you see things my way. The Dream Wrestling Federation and Dawn McGill have twenty four hours to force Tessa Martin to compete this Sunday night, or else coerce her into doing the right thing and declaring me the winner by forfeit. Her blood may be on my hands, but I will not allow it to stain the dignity of the law. The match will be changed back. If not?

Then I’ll see your asses in court.

Dawn McGill Promo
You can complain all you want to. But Mike, the die’s been cast. The wheels set in motion. And there’s no stopping it now. Mike, you created this situation…you created the spectacle…I will be the one who finishes it. You are the moth…and I am the flame that you can’t avoid. You have no idea what you’re up against. But come Sunday night, you will.

Bring your little friends with you. I’m sure Level One and Jak Nemesis will want a ringside seat for this. I’m bringing some friends along too.

‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis. You may have heard of her. If not, ask Scottywood who was crazy enough to shoot him in the knees with a nail gun during a match.

Then there’s Valora Salinas- Wrestling Midwest’s Hardcore champion. Ask Adam Pyre about how she destroyed him at Hardcore Hell. Ask him how she Border Tossed him off the top of a cage and then moonsaulted on top of him.

Mike, Tessa Martin may be extreme…but these ladies are hardcore…and so am I. There will be no backing down, no quarter, or no surrender Sunday night.

Mike, I know why you’re trying to get out of this. I saw the fear in your eyes last night. I sense the internal battle that’s going on inside of you as we speak. But it’s too late.

You started this. And I’m going to finish it.

Suave: “It was three and half weeks ago that Miss USA and Kathryn Randall Collins met for the first time.  Miss USA was two weeks into her PCW career and KRC had just won the title back from ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin the month before.  

Replay: Miss USA vs. KRC © for the PCW Women’s Title- PCW Night of Champions 7/29
Collins pokes Miss USA in the eye with her thumb.  She rakes his fingers across Miss USA’s back.  Suave: “KRC looking for a slam…Miss USA blocks it.”  She bulldog’s KRC across the ring!  KRC gets right back up and bulldogs Miss USA.  She pulls Miss USA’s hair and tackles her.  Suave: “KRC landing lefts and rights on Miss USA.  KRC up to the second rope…drops the elbow.  Miss USA clutches her neck after that move.”  KRC pulls her up…lands a headscissors takeover on Miss USA and applies an arm wrench.  Suave: “Both women back up…KRC lariats Miss USA right back down.   I have never seen KRC this sharp…this focused before.  She’s taken her game to a different level tonight.”…

Suave: “McGill has PeaceNick up…she’s coming this way…that can’t be good.  Think I’ll move….”  McGill Awesome Bombs PeaceNick through the announcer’s table.  Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

KRC lifts Miss USA up.  Airplane spin and then KRC dumps Miss USA onto the mat.  Suave: “The referee is back in the ring.  Cover.  One…two…MISS USA KICKS OUT!”  KRC drops the knee on Miss USA.  She measures Miss USA…and drops a closed fist.  KRC sets her up for her finisher.  Suave: “POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION!  SHE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN!”  KRC tightens the hold…Miss USA trys to escape but KRC has her smack dab in the middle of the ring.  McGill and Pelosi are having a major argument.  Miss USA taps out.   Suave: “KRC DOES IT!  SHE RETAINS!”

MATCH #6
MVW-PCW WOMEN’S TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH
Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA
VS.
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins

Charlene Ann:  “Our next match is a unification match for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Title.  Weighing in at 155 pounds from Chappaqua, New York and accompanied by Christa Carmondy and the Mean Girl Clique, she is the PCW Women’s Champion, Kathryn Randall Collins!”

The crowd stands and cheers.

*Music to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” begins*

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the land of the free.

The crowd explodes when Miss USA appears with her bodyguard/escort Dawn McGill.

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the statue of liberty
Started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, its gonna be hell
When you hear mother freedom
Start ringin her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

Charlene Ann: “Her opponent weighs in at 117 pounds from Haines City, FL, she is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion, accompanied by her bodyguard Dawn McGill, Miss U-S-A!!!”

Suave: “THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET FOR THIS ONE.  MISS USA VERSUS KRC, ROUND 2.  ONE DIFFERENCE THIS TIME AROUND IS THAT KRC HAS CHRISTA CARMONDY AND THE MEAN GIRL CLIQUE IN HER CORNER TO COUNTER DAWN McGILL IN MISS USA’S.  WE’RE ABOUT READY TO START.” 

The bell rings.

KRC comes out with a kendo stick in hand, but Miss USA gets her hands on it immediately.  They wrestle for the kendo stick and both fall to the canvas.  KRC up first and hammers Miss USA with hard right hands.  KRC’s Irish whip is reversed and Miss USA tries a tilt-a-whirl.  KRC reverses it into a flying headscissors and faceplants Miss USA.  Miss USA gets pounded down again.  KRC goes up top for a high risk move.  McGill knocks her off.  Christa Carmondy begins to yell at the referee.  KRC comes back in and stomps Miss USA down in the corner.  Miss USA fires back with punches and fights her way out.  Suave: “Miss USA seems more comfortable and relaxed in the ring tonight then she did on July 29th.” 

KRC gets Irish whipped clear over the top rope.  Christa Carmondy and the Mean Girl Clique hit the ring and we get a fistfight in the ring.  McGill jumps in and double clotheslines Ashley and Vanessa.  Christa manages to clotheslines Miss USA out to the floor.  From there, KRC sends Miss USA over the barricade and KRC almost goes with her.  Battling it out in the crowd.  Miss USA and KRC trade punches.  Miss USA gets a slight advantage and regroups.  She goes back over the barricade. KRC starts to follow, but Miss USA stops her.  KRC hits a couple rights and sets Miss USA up for a vertical Suplex on the floor.  She hits it and Miss USA clears two rows of chairs on the floor. KRC puts the boots to the MVW Champion before the action begins to wander back towards the ring.   Suave: “UNBELIEVEABLE ACTION TO START!  KRC AND MISS USA NOW MAKING THEIR WAY BACK TO THE RING.”  

KRC sunset flips Miss USA.  Suave: “SUNSET FLIP.  ONE…TWO…MISS USA KICKS OUT!”  Miss USA goes for a backslide on KRC.   The referee slides back down…two count.  KRC sunset flips Miss USA again.  Another two count.  KRC clotheslines Miss USA.  KRC tries to clotheslines McGill.  Miss USA gets to her feet first and elbows KRC down.  Suave: “KRC back up…and walks right into a tornado DDT.  Miss USA covers.  One…two…kickout by KRC.  KRC pulls herself up…Reverse DDT by KRC!   She covers…one…two…NO!  2.9999999 on that one!”   KRC flips Miss USA and sets for a tombstone.   Miss USA blocks it.  She grabs a chair, but KRC dropkicks it in her face.  KRC covers…another two count.  KRC sets her up for the piledriver.  Suave: “SHE GOT IT!  KRC JUST PILEDRIVED MISS USA ON TOP OF THE CHAIR…COVER…ONE…TWO…McGILL IN THE RING AGAIN!”   Dawn nearly takes KRC’s head off and then continues on to blast Christa Carmondy off the ring apron.  KRC tries to capitalize on the confusion but winds up punching out the referee by accident.

KRC and Miss USA trade punches and an Irish whip sends KRC over the top rope.  Miss USA knocks her to the floor and heads outside, only to walk right into a crescent kick. Miss USA produces a ladder, but gets Irish whipped into it.  Miss USA drop toeholds KRC into the seat of a chair, then grabs the ladder and leans it the side of the ring.  KRC low-blows Miss USA before she can do anything, then suplexes her on the ladder for two.  Ashley and Vanessa double team Miss USA and send her head first into the ladder.  Suave: “She’s hurt.  The Mean Girl Clique got a freebie and they took advantage of it.”  McGill races around the ring and engages with Ashley and Vanessa.  KRC pulls Miss USA by the hair back to the ring.  She side headlocks Miss USA and sets her for a DDT.  Miss USA somehow manages to escape and sends KRC crashing into the corner.  She follows and chops the hell out of KRC.  Miss USA sets up a chair in the ring and hits spinning toehold, sending KRC’s forehead to the edge of the chair.  Suave: “KRC’s BUSTED OPEN!  MISS USA IS SHOWING A LOT OF MOXIE TONIGHT!”

Miss USA follows with a back suplex.  She then hits neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker on KRC.  Suave: “SHE COVERS.  ONE…TWO…TH-NO!  KRC BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!”  Miss USA grabs the ladder and launches it like a javelin at KRC.  She drops the ladder on KRC.  Suave: “ANOTHER COVER…ONE…TWO…NO-…KRC KICKS OUT!  MISS USA PULLS KRC UP!  DDT ON THE LADDER!”  Miss USA drags the ladder to the corner and places KRC lying up against it.   She goes to the opposite corner on the same side and climbs to the top turnbuckle.  Suave: “Oh…no…she’s not…”  She jumps.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  PATRIOT MISSILE FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE LADDER!”  KRC’s out and slides to the floor.   Miss USA covers…Christa Carmondy storms into the ring…McGill climbs top rope and launches a flying clothesline that sends her reeling backwards. 

One…two…three.  Suave: “THAT’S IT!  HOLY CRAP…MISS USA WINS!  MISS USA IS NOW THE UNDISPUTED MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION!”  The crowd stands and gives both women a standing ovation.  Suave: “WHAT A MATCH!  WOW!”

Backstage
A. Kuluha Bacardi and several officials are right outside Mike Polowy’s locker room arguing with MPlow.  Polowy: “I want to know whether or not Tessa Martin is here.  If she’s not, I’m not wrestling!”  AKB: “Dude, you signed a contract.  We’ve advertised you versus McGill.”  Polowy: “That’s not my-”  Dawn McGill and Miss USA walk by after their match.  McGill stops  McGill: “Is Michell-er…Michael still complaining about having to wrestle little ol’ me?”  Polowy: “That’s Michael.  Once again, I’ve been disrespected by DWF and the promoters of this show.  I was never consulted with concerning Tessa Martin’s replacement due to her alleged injury and if this continues they’re going to have problems.”  Dawn pushes him away.  Suddenly, Polowy gets face to upper chest with her.  Dawn: “Alleged injury?”  Polowy: “Listen Bacardi, either you take care of this or there’ll be big problems.”   Dawn pushes him a second time.  Polowy: “You can’t be seriously trying to intimidate me.  Shaquille O’Neal would have a better chance making two free throws than intimidating me.”  Dawn: “Then prove it…Michael.”  She walks away.

Lora KirK Segment

With the ring cleared, Matthew Harwood’s “Closer to Home” hits over the sound system. Lora Kirk, a member of the DREAM roster, advances down to the ring, pausing briefly to wave or blow kisses to the fans. No one seems to recognize the husky-looking, blonde-haired girl in the white T-shirt and black sweat pants. Some cheer her entrance, others just instinctively boo at the unexpected interruption.

Lora slides through the ropes to the ring and raises a microphone to her lips.

“Hi! I’m Lora Kirk and I have some items to declare.”

Silence.

“First of all, that…”

Lora surveys the audience, an outstretched index finger following the path of her gaze.

“…That was some real women’s wrestling!”

The audience agrees with this sentiment. A big cheer goes up from the fans, showing their admiration for Kathryn Randall Collins and Miss USA’s performance.

“When you see this next match, keep in mind what you just saw unfold in this ring between Miss USA and Kathryn. Remember what real wrestling looks like… because, unfortunately, you’re about to be exposed to the very definition of poor women’s wrestling.”

Another mixed reaction from the fans.

“Now, this is no slight against Dawn McGill. I’m sure she’s just fine as a fighter.”

Some of the outraged segments of the crowd stifle their response at this clarification.

“No, the reason this match is going to stand in stark contrast to the match you just saw, the reason it’s going to suck, rests solely with Mike Polowy. He’s an idiot, a tool, a second-rate wrestler. He somehow managed to take the Women’s Championship for himself in DREAM.”

She makes a motion as if washing her hands clean of some stain before adding an aside.

“That was before my time.”

A pause.

“And ever since he has brought shame to DREAM. While other federations enjoy a competitive and high quality environment in their women’s divisions, DREAM’s female roster has, well, lacked a certain oomph. But that’s fine. I’ve arrived and I’m adding oomph to DREAM’s female scene. I’m going to provide a positive example to the rest of my locker room with the Women’s Championship around my waist. The other girls on the roster will rise to my challenge.”

She raises a finger and grins.

“But that will all happen in good time. For tonight, you get to watch Mike Polowy being humbled by Dawn McGill. And then, hopefully, you’ll follow me over to DREAM in a little while, maybe a week or two, to see me spank Mikey silly.”

The fans might not love Lora Kirk but they’ve already developed an intense dislike for Mike Polowy, in part because of these words they’ve just heard. A big cheer goes up as Lora slides out from the ring and Matthew Harwood’s “Closer to Home” signals her departure.

VIDEO PACKAGE: POLOWY VS. McGILL
REPLAY: DWF Sunday Night Slaughter- July 12th
Mike Polowy vs. Kelly Evans

[[He charges forward, running full speed and guns a-blazing as he stops just short of Kelly Evans, swinging his leg back in a horrific arc and making a connection to her lady parts at full strength. The crowd winces, as does Level One, as a victorious Michael Polowy delivers just about the hardest kick a woman has ever received in the vagina. Evens immediately slumps forward, falling out of the ropes, as Polowy stands laughing in delight. Immediately, EMTs rush the ring to help the poor, shattered woman crying on the mat, but MPlow pays no mind.))

——————

Tessa Martin Commentary
Tessa:
“Why was this necessary?  This had nothing to do with wrestling.  I don’t consider degrading a woman wrestler to be sport or entertainment.  Let’s call it like it is, Kelly Evans had NO business being in the same ring with Mike Polowy.  Kelly Evans is no Kirsta Lewis.  Kelly Evans is no Michelle Masters.  Kelly Evans is no Dawn McGill, one of my former compadres at PCW.  Lewis, Masters, and McGill can handle themselves in the ring with a man.  Evans clearly can’t.  What are the people booking DWF thinking?  This was ugly, gratiutious, and as a former woman wrestler, I’m simply sickened by what happened last night.  I’m appalled that it was allowed to happen.”]]

REPLAY: DWF Monday Night Slaughter- August 10th
“I give up, I give up!” MPlow mockingly whines, his voice filled with a false fear. “Come on Tessa, we’re all friends here… no reason to hurt the man who is responsible for your coming out of retirement.”

He takes a step backwards, gesturing towards Tessa as they exchange a banter that can’t be heard over the microphone.

“Besides,” He continues, with a wink. “I’m the welcome wagon around here when it comes to my division, Tessa. It’s great to see you here, in fact. Nice to see those legs not stuck behind a sports desk… nice to see you giving those tits a chance to get some air for once. I’m here to welcome you. You might not be my biggest fan, according to the last few episodes of EWTorchcenter I took a gander at, but I *am* the Women’s Champion around here, so you could at least show me a little respect.”

Before he can continue, Tessa rips the microphone from his hands, giving him a solid shove backwards that sends the crowd into a frenzy! Polowy looks shocked himself, being on the recieving end of some of the first female offense since his Women’s Title “victory”.

“Respect?” Ms. Martin begins, the crowd firmly behind her. “You wanna talk to me about respect, Mike? For the last several weeks, I’ve seen nothing but disrespect from you. You disrespect your opponents, you disrespect the women of the Dream Wrestling Federation, you disrespect it’s fans and you disrespect yourself. So please don’t talk to me about respect. And that title you’re wearing, so proudly? I wouldn’t go staying too attached to it, Mike.”

He scoffs, as the crowd in the background continues to cheer on The Pizza Delivery Girl. Not wanting to continue swapping microphones, he walks to the side of the ring and gets one from the timekeeper, snatching it quickly and tapping a few times to assure that it’s turned on.

“You think you know me, Tessa?” He begins, his voice suddenly growing much more hostile. It isn’t the cool, casual MPlow that the DREAM fans have grown accustomed to, but instead another glimpse into the Michael Polowy who ruthlessly assaulted Lady America just a few weeks ago. “You think you understand a god damned thing about me? You think you can just walk into DREAM after sitting behind a desk for the last few months and change me? YOU THINK YOU FU[BLEEP]ING KNOW ME ANYMORE, LISA?!”

He thrusts forward, arms first, shoving Tessa into the turnbuckle, but before he can continue the assault, he stops dead in his tracks. The look on his face much matches the one on Tessa’s, who does not look scared, but simply confused. The fans in attendance fall nearly silent, as the look on Polowy’s face quickly turns from shock to horror as he realizes what he just said.

REPLAY: Tuesday Night Insomnia- August 11th
Polowy: Last night, as I know everyone is aware, I had a confrontation with Tessa Martin at Slaughter which almost turned physical. She had been quite critical of the way I do things around here, and I took a situation that existed in my personal life and I let it get the best of me in the ring. So I’d like to apologize for almost snapping last night, and becoming physical with Ms. Martin.”

For the first time since his induction into the Dream Wrestling Federation, the arena begins a low cheer for the Women’s Champion. His face doesn’t seem to change much at first, but over a few seconds a warm smile comes over his face, as his eyes begin to well up with tears.

“You see,” he continues, the volume of his voice beginning to rise. “I apologize, because I held back. I wholeheartedly apologize to Tessa Martin for NOT destroying her personal personal pan pizza box with the stiffest hot and ready goddamn soccer kick! she’s ever felt in her life!”

The warm smile on his face quickly re-freezes, his icy demeanor showing its true colors with a sadistic sneer. The crowd boos even harder than they had before, duped by such a pathetic trick on the part of wrestling’s most notorious dilettante.

“As the DWF Women’s Champion,” he continues, ignoring the sudden turncoat from the fans. “I have a job to do. I have a responsibility… a duty to defend my championship and my honor from week to week, even if it means handing out laced up hysterectomies on every continent I step foot on. And last night, I denied my responsibility. I stood in the ring with two of the most disrespectful, ungrateful women ever to lace up a pair of boots and call themselves wrestlers, and I had a chance to deliver a little bit of judgment. But instead, I let a few memories from my childhood get in the way, and I didn’t do the job that needed to be done. But I assure you, Tessa and Dawn… and I assure you, fans of the DWF worldwide, that it will NEVER. Happen. Again. From this point forward, where I walk, there will be slaughter. Where I fight, there will be fear. And from this moment on, where there is Michael Polowy, there will be a kind of justice the women of this world will never forget. Husbands, lock up your wives… MPlow is back.”

REPLAY: Tuesday Night Insomnia August 11th

Dawn McGill and Tessa Martin, still basking over their win the night before, walk down to the ring and sit two of three open front row seats to watch the main event between Mike Polowy and Cody Brews.

A few seconds later, a third woman wearing a strapless red and blue dress and the Missouri Valley Wrestling title belt secured around her waist joins them. It takes a little while for the audience to put two and two together and figure out who she was.

Amy Martin aka former DWF Women’s Champion Miss USA looked markedly different than the last time the DWF audience saw her. Back then, her hair was colored with blue highlights and she wore a mask. Tonight, sans mask, her long, flowing hair was back to her natural blond.

She high fives McGill and Martin and takes her seat next to them.

REPLAY: DWF Monday Night Slaughter August 17th

The “Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” Tessa Martin, Dawn McGill, and special guest ‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis stand in the ring.

tessa smiles and paces the ring. “I’m sure you all have heard the story about the little boy who cried wolf. Well, tonight you’re going to hear about the little man who cried respect. My father once told me that you don’t demand people’s respect; you earn it. To listen to Mike throw his little hissy fit last week and talk about how Dawn and I supposedly disrespected him and such, well, it’s a little pathetic.

“Mike, I do respect your wrestling ability. But that’s about it. Otherwise, you’ve done absolutely nothing to earn any ounce of respect from me. To quote a line from the movie ‘A Knight’s Tale’- you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. And now that the source of your bitterness, your anger is out there for the whole wide world to see, the reason that you justify holding a title that quite frankly is diminished every second that you hold on it, the reason you claim gives your the right to dole out your so-called ‘justice,’ is all because some girl dumped you when you were 19 years old?

“Mike, may I make a suggestion? Try calling Dr. Phil. Oh…and apologizing for not kicking my…how you say…personal personal pan pizza box? Right. Apology NOT accepted.”

Dawn asks for the microphone. “I’d like to add that the day that Tessa accepts your so-called apology for not kicking her in her personal pizza box is the day I apologize for kicking your testicles with my 4″ heels so hard that it looks like you’ve got two small little antennae sticking out your mouth afterwards…and I do mean small…little…antennae.”

The crowd goes “WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA.”

Dawn raises her eyebrows and grins. “And speaking of small, Mike. I was talking to some of the girls in the back and for all your bluster and big talk, apparently you just don’t measure up.” She bites her bottom lip mischievously and fights the urge to bust out laughing.

Lewis takes the microphone. “Well, then I guess the moral of the story here is…never send a…boy…to do a man’s job.”…

————————

…Lady America bends down and grabs tessa Martin, yanking her to her feet.

“America locks up with Martin.”

The crowd roars and fills with boo’s.

“What’s this? Mike Polowy, Womens Champion, si coming from the crowd! He slides into the ring, past Dawn McGill!”

Polowy yanks Martin from Lady America’s grip and turns her around.

“Quick boot to Tessa Martin’s ‘baby maker’!”

McGill slides in and rushes Polowy, who quickly exits the ring. Dawn chases after him up the ramp and towards the back…

——————–

…A few moments after Lora celebrates, her music fades and she exits the ring. Dawn McGill and Kirsta Lewis help Tessa back into the ring. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl winces with every step but she shoos the helping hands of McGill and Lewis and walks to the middle unaided.

“Mikey…is that the best you’ve got?”

Tessa bends over and puts her hands on her knees. Immediately, both McGill and Lewis reach out to help.

“I’m okay,”

Tessa says, talking slower than usual.

“Is that it, Mike? Really, I’ve been kicked harder by my younger brother. I’m still here, Mike. I’m still standing! I’m not going anywhere! It’s time…”

She pauses and closes her eyes tight. Tessa shakes her head and continues.

“It’s time for you to see just what they mean when they call me the EXTREME Pizza Delivery Girl.”

She pauses for a breath.

“Sunday night…the WWR is holding this little shindig they’re calling WWR Completely Deranged. Let’s give the people what they want, Mikey…you versus me in an extreme hardcore deathmatch…”

Tessa pauses and bends over in pain.

“…let’s do it, Mikey…everyone wants to see it…everyone wants to see me…kick……your….ass……”

The microphone drops and Tessa collapses. She’s unconscious before she hits the canvas.

REPLAY: DWF Tuesday Night Insomnia August 18th
Lady America places a duffel bag in her locker and then shuts the door. Placing her hands on the lockers, she begins to stretch out her legs.

The locker room door slams open and startles Lady America. Her left hand slips off the locker and she nearly falls. She turns around and see an angry Dawn McGill bearing down on her. McGill pushes Lady America hard into the locker and presses a Singapore cane against her throat.

“You were in on this with Polowy, weren’t you?”

Lady America winces. “In on what?”

McGill pushes harder. “You know, what. You held her long enough for him to get in the ring to kick Tessa Martin.”

“I swear, I didn’t know anything-”

Again, McGill increases the pressure on her. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I swear to God…I wasn’t involved…Amy?”

Amy Martin…aka…Miss USA…enters.

“Amy, I swear, ” Lady America pleads. “I-I had nothing to do with what happened to Tessa.”

Amy walks over to Dawn and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I believe her.”

Dawn continues to press the Singapore cane menacingly on Lady America’s throat. “You do?”

“I do.”

Finally, Dawn relents and pulls back. Lady America slides down the lockers and sits on the floor.

“Hey! What’s going on here?” Shaun XF appears at the entrance. He sees Amy Martin and his eyes widen. “And what the hell are YOU doing here.”

“She just saved your girlfriend’s life,” Dawn retorted.

Shaun XF sneered, “Ha. Both of you…get out before I remove you myself.”

Dawn let out a snicker and begins to walk towards the door. Amy turns and follows right behind. As she passes Shaun XF, he shoves her into a locker. Without batting an eye, Dawn whips around and backfists Shaun sending him reeling across the room into the wall. He lands with his back to the wall and his legs spread open. Dawn whirls around and cocks her 4″ stiletto shoed foot back…

“No.” Again Amy puts her arm on Dawn’s shoulder. “He’s not worth it. And it won’t get Tessa out of the hospital any sooner.”

Dawn smiles at Shaun XF. She walks away.

“Oh…and Shaun,” Amy says. “You-a…might want to change your pants before the match tonight.”

——————————–

Once again, Dawn McGill and a visiting Amy Martin aka Miss USA come out and take two of three open seats in the front row. Unlike last week, the mood is much less jovial as both women are mindful of the fact that Tessa Martin is still in the hospital.

McGill places a sign on the third seat.

The camera pans closer. The sign says ‘LISA’ on it.

——————————

MPlow rolls up off the mat, looking exhausted both physically and mentally. With hatred in his eyes, he stares out into the crowd, his gaze focused directly at Dawn McGill and her entourage. Miss USA and McGill chuckle smugly, gesturing toward the still empty chair labelled “Lisa” sitting next to them, but the smug grins slowly fade away as Polowy begins to stalk towards them, bailing out of the ring with a fury never seen in the Women’s Champion before.

He tears over the ropes and down to the floor, slamming his body into the guardrail with a sickening thud as he barrels over top of it, hopping the steel and making his way into the crowd. Not wanting to fight it out this early, Miss USA quickly ushers McGill away from the rampaging psychopath in their midst. Strangely, however, MPlow doesn’t make chase. Instead, he beelines for the chair set up, knocking away the placeholder bearing the name of the woman responsible for his recent inner angst. He snatches the chair off the floor, not even looking behind him as he swings away, knocking several other chairs over as he releases it towards the ring. The steel chair smashed into the ring post with a loud clang, sending cameramen and ring techs scampering away.

Polowy doesn’t appear to be done, as fans struggle to get out of the way of his rampage. He begins trashing the ringside, throwing chairs and having an all out tantrum, his face contorted with emotions never seen in front of a wrestling crowd before. He stumbles back towards the ring, tears welling up in his eyes as he falls forward, collapsing over the guardrail as he flips over it, falling nearly on his head as he slumps almost into a ball on the other side.

At the top of the ramp, Dawn McGill watches on, almost blank faced.

Polowy crawls himself toward the apron, pulling himself up as he drops his face onto the canvas. He turns slightly, looking up towards the scariest woman in the DWF. His face is a mess of half tears and broken blood vessels. At the top of the ramp, she simply looks back at him and smiles. She points towards him, and even without a microphone, her lips are easy to read.

“See you Sunday night, Mike.”

MPlow drops his head to the mat once again, as Jak Nemesis and the referee lean down to check on him. The show awkwardly moves to an unplanned commercial break as staff attempt to clean up the mess at ringside.

REPLAY: PCW on P-SPAN Wednesday Special August 19th
Just as McGill gets comfy in the outside, someone runs down the aisle.  Suave: “WAIT!  WHO THE HELL IS…THAT’S DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION’S MIKE POLOWY!  WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?”  The crowd starts to boo and McGill doesn’t see him coming until it’s too late.  Polowy pushes McGill off the ring apron and she falls through a ringside table.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  POLOWY JUST PUT DAWN McGILL THROUGH A TABLE!”

Immediately, all action stops in the ring and Polowy realizes that Miss USA, Angel Scott, Angel Casey, Weathergirl Hallie, Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee  Jones- The Eskimo Queen, and the ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas are all staring daggers right through him.  Polowy wisely turns and sprints right back up the aisle with Scott, Casey, Hallie, KRC, Jones, and Dallas in hot pursuit.

WWR Completely Deranged- Part Two

Suave: “We are back at WWR Completely Deranged and getting set for the PCW Title match.  This will be a four way elimination match.  The only way PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama can lose the title is by being pinned or forced to submit.  He does have an out if he gets himself DQ’d.  Now, how did we get here?

Replay: PCW Night of Champions- 7/29/09
Lights dim and then come back up.  Omnious music plays.  Suave: “Oh, oh.  Be careful what you wish for guys.”  Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il come out and slowly walk to the ring.  Suave: “IT’S THE AXIS OF EVIL!”  Khalid El and Kang climb into the ring.  Suave: “It looks like we’re going to have a match.”  No referee yet, though.  Both teams jaw back and forth at each other.

Lights dim again.  Suave: “NOW WHAT?”  They come back up and 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela, President Hugo Chavez, and his translater are in the ring behind the Schetts.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  LOOK AT HIM!”  Chavez speaks.  Translater: “We don’t have anything against you.  We know you oppose American Imperalism.  But.  You’re in wrong place at wrong time.”  Venezuela clotheslines both Schetts in one swift powerful motion.  Khalid El and Kang start kicking away.  The crowd is up in arms.  Debris starts flowing in from the floor.  Horst Schett in the ring.  Venezuela grabs him by the throat, lifts him effortlessly and slams him down through a ringside table.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  The Schetts are overwhelmed by the sheer force of the Axis of Evil.  Ahmadinejad grabs a microphone.  Ahmadinejad: “Your CEO Barack Obama is weak.  Your champion, O’Beck Bahama, is weak.  You pathetic Americans are weak.”  More boos.  People flip him off.  Ahmadinejad: “After tonight, we make great effort to take PCW Title and take it back to our homeland.  Enjoy it while you can.”  More boos follow.  Suave: “The last couple weeks, the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama has seemed vunerable.  Tonight, he faces a dangerous opponent in Quad R- The Right Reverend Randy Richardson.  And if the Axis of Evil is in the mix, things just got even more dangerous for the PCW Champion.”

Replay: PCW Night of Champions- 7/29/09
“What is he up to?” Suave inquires. Again, we find out quickly. The lights turn on and Bahama gets a very unpleasant surprise.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  It’s the Axis of Evil! It’s a trap! It’s a freakin’ TRAP!”

Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il with 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez are waiting.  Venezuela wraps his arm in barbed wire and punches Bahama.  He immediately comes up bleeding from the forehead.  Venezuela rubs the barbed wire into Bahama’s forehead.  Fatima pulls out a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire and hands it to Khalid-El.  Khalid-El legdrops the barbed wire baseball bat across Bahama’s crotch.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  I don’t even want to try to describe that…”

Off to the side, it appears the Right Reverend Randy Richardson is having reservations about helping Bahama.  Suddenly the lights in the room go out. “WHAT THE-” is all Suave can say before the light comes quickly back on and the opening bars to the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)” start to play. A man in a flannel shirt wielding a Singapore cane and a mocha stands in the room along with Justin Sufferable, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes.

Suave:  “IT’S HIM!  IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE! THE EXTREME ENVIROMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!” As the crowd in the main room sings “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the shocked faces of both Khalid-El and Venezuela.  Then Gore crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. 

Suave: “IT’S A STAND OFF!  ONCE AGAIN, THE PCW CHAMPION  GETS LAID OUT AND NOW THE AXIS OF EVIL IS HERE IN PCW!  WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!”

Replay: Tape Recording from Axis of Evil from 8/6/09
Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il with 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez are standing in front of a white wall.  Venezuela holds the perennial damsel in distress Gina Ramsey who’s bound and gagged and not very happy.  Jong-Il talks through a translator.  Jong-Il: “The matter here is simple.  The Axis of Evil demands a title shot for one of their wrestlers against the weak American stooge holding the title.  Only then will we return the girl.”  Suave: “The Axis of Evil is trying to leverage a deal for a title shot!  Who will we turn to?  Who will step up to save the day???”

Replay: End of Bahama vs. Quad R  match from 8/6/09
C
linton: “Ladies and gentlemen, I, William Jefferson Clinton, have brokered a deal for the release of PCW Special Correspondent Gina Ramsey with the Axis of Evil.  On August 23rd, we will hold a special event and Khalid-El will get his chance at the PCW Title against O’Beck Bahama.”  Quad R is incensed.  Quad R: “This is bull@#$#!  I’m getting screwed out of MY match for what should be MY title.”  Clinton: “Fine, we’ll make it a three-way dance.”  Nancy Pelosi’s voice: “WAIT A MINUTE!  WAAAAAAAIT A MINUTE!”  Pelosi walks out with Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism and the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Pelosi: “Bill, I appreciate your efforts here in all.  But any match that gets made includes Stone Chism.”  Clinton: “Fine, make it a four-way.  Do we have a deal?”  Kim Jong-Il nods. 

MATCH #4
PCW TITLE MATCH- 4 WAY ELIMINATION MATCH
O’Beck Bahama © w/ ‘Not just unbearable, not just intolerable, he is’ Justin Sufferable
VS.
Khalid El w/the Axis of Evil
VS.
Quad R-The Right Rev. Randy Richardson w/the God Squad
VS.
’Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie

Suave: “We are going to find out real fast what’s up with the PCW Champion.  Is he in a malaise?  Has he not worked hard enough?  We’ll find out shortly.”  The bell rings.

Bahama runs out and delivers punches and couple of elbows.  Quad R goes outside.   Chism climbs the top rope.  Bahama moves out of the way when the Hollywood A-Lister tries a dive.  Bahama goes outside and hits some chops on Quad R.  Khalid El rumbles in behind the champion and whips him into the rail shoulder-first.  Suave: “Bahama has to watch out for the big guy.”  Khalid El slaps him in the face.   Chism applies an armbar to Quad R.  He steps on Richardson’s head for extra pressure.  Chism switches it up by going after the legs.  He lands kicks and follows with an elbow drop.  Chism gets a modified half Boston crab and puts all his weight on Quad R’s back. Quad R breaks the hold by raking Chism’s eyes. Khalid El keeps going after Bahama.  Clubbing rights by Khalid El drives the champion into the corner.   He wrenches Bahama’s arm back into a hammerlock.  Suave: “Khalid El showing good ring presence of mind right now.  He changes up into a wristlock.  He’s working the arm, holding it up in a wristlock and stomping it back down to the mat.”  Khalid El moves to the legs and applies a leglock. 

Quad R crawls back into the ring.  He tries to fight from his feet, gets a few elbows in but Chism knocks him back down with an elbow to the back of the head.  Quad R runs into a boot and tries to go up top.  Chism blocks and counters with a neckbreaker.  Quad R gets to his feet.  Chism charges and hits a pair of cannonballs in the corner.  Suave: “Chism with the cover…no, Quad R up at two.”  So Chism stomps on him some more.  The Hollywood A-Lister connects on an enzugiri and hits a Stunner!  Again, Quad R kicks out at two.  Quad R fights out of a second kick/knee attempt and gets a schoolboy for two.

Khalid El switches to an omoplata, hammerlock style. He grabs the other wrist and bends it back before putting his leg over it. Again, Bahama resorts to kicks in order to get out. Khalid El hits a leg kick and grabs the arm again.  An aggressive arm wringer pulls Bahama to the mat.  Khalid El lands a knee drop to the arm and rolls Bahama to his stomach.  Cover.  One…two…shoulder up.  The champion escapes and tries a drop toehold but eats a kick to the face.  Khalid El hits a back elbow and sets Bahama up top.   Bahama slips out and hits a dropkick.  Suave: “Khalid El goes to the floor.  WATCH OUT!”  Bahama hits a tope con hilo and then follows with a moonsault off the barricade. Crowd: “HOLY S#$#!…HOLY S#$#!” 

Quad R confers with Rev. Robertson, Rev. Warren, and Rev. Falwell Jr.  Chism slingshots himself over the top rope and takes out all four.  Chism drags Quad R over to the barricade.  Chism guillotine leg drops him across the steel barricade.  Quad R slumps to the floor.  Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”  Chism walks Quad R over to the Skanky Rich Bimbos- Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Paris and Nicole whip open their tops in front of Quad R.  Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  God, I never get tired of that move.”  Chism lifts Quad R up…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER!  What’s left of Quad R is rolled back into the ring.  Chism covers.  One…two…three. 

Eliminated: Quad R- The Right Reverend Randy Richardson 

Khalid El picks up both Hilton and Richie and choke slams them to the canvas.  Suave: “Now, things are picking up.  Bahama on the top rope.  Suave: HOLY CRAP!” O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Chism on the floor. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”  Chism pulls himself of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Chism with it. Chism slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps. Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! CHISM CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!” Khalid El grabs Bahama from behind. Choke slam to the floor!  Suave: “Bahama took that one to the floor.  He’s holding his back.  Chism drags himself up to the top rope.”  Chism leaps and superkicks Khalid El from the top rope!  Khalid El falls backwards and hits the floor hard.  Justin Sufferable tries to urge Bahama on.  Bahama, still favoring the back, grabs another steel folding chair and pastes Khalid El in the face with it.  Chism rushes in, Bahama gets him in a side headlock.  Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! CHISM IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE.” Bahama drags Chism back into the ring and goes for the win.  Suave: “1…2…NO!”  Bahama goes for another cover. Suave: “NO! CHISM KICKS OUT AGAIN!”

Bahama up to the corner turnbuckle.  Suave: “Is he setting up for the 450 Splash?  NO!  KHALID EL JUST PUSHED HIM OFF AND BAHAMA JUST WENT THROUGH A TABLE!”  Bahama lays within the wreckage of the bell table.  It looks like his head may have hit the ring bell.  Suave: “BAHAMA’S OUT!  CHISM UP…KHALID EL HAS HIM BY THE THROAT!  The SRB latch on to each of Khalid El’s legs and try to pull him down.  Suave: “HILTON AND RICHIE ARE TRYING TO PULLS THE BIG GUY OFF…THEY DON’T SEE….OH NO!”  6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela grabs Hilton and Richie by the throat and clanks their heads together, knocking both out.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claps his hands.  Venezuela and Khalid El grab Chism by the throat.  Suave: “DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM ON THE WAY!”  Rahm Emanuel, Starz N. Stripes and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido run down.  Suave: “IT’S RAHM EMANUEL!  F-BOMB TO KHALID EL!  STARZ AND ESCONDIDO WORK ON VENEZUELA!”  Emanuel points at Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il.  Chism covers Khalid El.  Suave: “ONE!  TWO!  THREE!”

Eliminated: Khalid El

Suave: “RAHM EMANUEL DROPPED AN F-BOMB ON KHALID EL AND ALLOWS HOLLYWOOD A-LISTER STONE CHISM TO GET THE WIN!  AND NOW, HE’S GOING OVER TO BAHAMA!  HE’S STILL NOT MOVING.  COVER.  ONE!  TWO!  THREE!  THAT’S IT!  WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW CHAMPION!”  The crowd roars as Chism celebrates with the Skanky Rich Bimbos.

Charlene Ann: “THE WINNER AND *NEW* PCW CHAMPION- STONE…CHISM!”

Suave: “IN HIS SECOND MATCH IN PCW, STONE CHISM EMERGES AS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!”  Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew attend to Bahama.  Suave: “WHILE THEY ATTEND TO O’BECK BAHAMA, LET ME REMIND YOU THAT WWR’S COMPLETELY DERANGED IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY…”



Doozer Segment
An enormous pop from the crowd fills the entire arena as Doozer and The Dude are shown entering backstage. The Red Sox hat sits frontwards on Doozer’s head tonight. It’s never frontward. His Superman T-shirt can always be relied on to never change, though. The Dude looks a bit different, too. A Phillies hat for him tonight; not sure how Doozer feels about that.

“I don’t know if you can be my friend anymore.”

Well that pretty much sums it up.

“Is this some kind of mental test? Trying to see how far you can push me? First it was last week with the Mr. Cool T-shirt.”

“Took care of it!”

The Dude pipes up and points to his T-shirt. Mr. Cooler.

“It came to me last night; total double meaning.”

“What’s the second meaning?”

“Mr. Cooler… A cooler… Beers… I drink a lot of beers.”

“You don’t even drink beers. I drink beers. You only take shots once in a while and sip bitch drinks.”

“Oh so you think you’re Mr. Cooler, now? That it? You want the T-shirt?… Jealous little…”

Doozer puts his hand up in The Dude’s face. His manager knows if he doesn’t stop, that hand will turn into a fist and it won’t stop in front of his face.

“Not even the point, anyway. When I’m at an event, to wrestle, and you’re with me… Well, you’re supposed to be MY manager! Not some Cancer Jiles nut-rider. I don’t even see what you like about that asshole. He’d probly spit on you if you ever asked for an autograph, you know.”

“That’s only ‘cause he’s way too cool to give me an autograph.”

It’s difficult for Doozer not to deck Dude, this time. Somehow he restrains.

“Don’t you get it, you moron? One of the young guns in this match is Cancer’s boyfriend, T-Willy.”

Finally The Dude begins to understand. The ‘uh oh, I messed up’ look on his face indicates so. Doozer continues,

“Yeah, and you wearing these T-shirts and that stupid hat, which I’m only guessing relates to Jiles somehow, too…”

The Dude nods, ashamed. Doozer rips it off his manager’s head and throws it to the ground.

“They book me in a match against three babies… I have to constantly babysit my own god damn manager… I’m a friggen wrestler!”

The ranting Dream star looks over to his manager, who is red faced and sulky.

“I’m sorry, bro… Just some jitters before the match, ya know?”

The Dude half nods, half shakes his head… Still pouting like a child.

“Hey, it’s cool. We’re cool. You’re…” Doozer struggles to say this next part, “…Cooler…”

A muffled laugh leaks from the manager who’s still trying to be upset.

“You know what time it is, right Dude?”

“Time to go down to the match and face those three guys and hope that their youth doesn’t overcome your experience so you can get them into situations that you can pull off your finisher so you can pin them one by one and try and win…”

“I was gonna say it was time to Dooze and Abuse… But um… Yeah, okay…”

Doozer pats his manager’s back. While fading out, he’s seen reaching into his pocket and pulling out some cash. He hands it over to The Dude.

“Buy some candy from one of the booths or somethin’.”

“COOOOL!”

MATCH #5
DWF YOUNG GUNS PLUS ONE MATCH
Travis Williams
VS.
T-Money
VS.
Cody Brews
VS.
Doozer

T-Money in the ring already.

Doozer emerges from the entranceway as bold voice blares through the arena, singing “When you walked, through the door, it was clear to me… You’re the one they adore, who they came to see…” as a remixed version of Eminem’s ‘We Made You’ plays through the sound system. The pop from the crowd quickly swamps the words of the song as Doozer stops at the top of the ramp. Above him, the words “The Man” flash across the mega-screen as the fans scream, “The Man!”. Then, even louder, they bellow, “The Myth!” right as the screen reads so. Lastly, “The Legend” echoes through the arena when those pair replace the last on screen.

Doozer, smiling at his fans all around the arena, nods his head under that trademark, official Boston cap he always wears backwards. Elbows at each side, he bends his arms up so his hands come up on both sides of the Superman logo on his t-shirt. Looking like a basketball star after scoring a clutch basket, he pinches his Superman t-shirt and pulls it out from his body, showing off the logo. As he emphatically lets go of the shirt red, blue and gold fireworks blast off the ramp to his sides. The fans start,

“DOO-ZER. DOO-ZER.DOO-ZER”

The wrestling star struts down to the ring, swerving between both sides of the ramp to catch the hands of his fans. He encircles the entire ring, connecting with as many hands as he can. Doozer then rolls into the ring and is quickly up to his feet. He climbs one of the turnbuckles. He pinches his shirts again, showing the Superman logo to his fans who pop back with a huge cheer. He jumps off and walks to the turnbuckle diagonal to him. He does the same to another large pop from the crowd. 

*The fans in attendance rise to their feet as “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” by The Offspring begins to emanate from the public announce system speakers. White and green strobe lights flash at the top of the entrance ramp as ‘Kid Danger’ Cody Brews steps from behind the curtain. He lifts his hands for only a moment before sprinting towards ringside and sliding under the bottom ring rope. After rolling to one knee and pointing down at the ring, he stands ready to fight. 

*As the sounds of Sixx AM’s “Courtesy Call” slams into the arena, the lights come back partly as the man of man personas known only as Travis Williams, The Dark Shadows, walks out on top of the stage. The crowd tosses mix reactions towards the veteran of the sport, as he stands perfectly in the center of the aisle away from the fans’ fingertips.

This Is Just A Courtesy Call
This Is Just Matter of Policy
This Is Just An Act of Kindness
To Let You Know That
YOUR TIME IS UP!”

Travis walks down with his arms beside him, elbow to his palms out in front of him with his palms open facing towards the air. He walks to the ring, where he stands for a second. He looks around the arena, and grabs the middle rope and steps up on to the apron. He wipes his feet on the apron, and then steps between the top and middle ropes. He enters the ring and walks over to a corner awaiting the opening bell, never blinking.   Suave: “He’s just a scary looking person.  All right, this match feature three of DWF’s up and coming wrestlers and Doozer, who’s a DWF legend.”

The bell sounds.

Suave: “Williams and Brews.  T-Money and Doozer lock up.  Doozer shoulder blocks T-Money.  Williams and Brews battle in the corner.   T-Money gets knocked down again by another Doozer shoulder block.  Brews & T-Money team up to whip Doozer from barricade to barricade and back again.”   Williams hits a trash can top to T-Money’s face for good measure.  Williams and Doozer put the boots to him.  Brews suplexes Williams on top of Doozer for two. T-Money legdrops Doozer for another two. Slingshot legdrop by Brews gets two. Suave: “Fast paced action to start.  Wide open match so far.”

Air Brews in the corner on T-Money.  Suave: “ANOTHER COVER!  T-MONEY…ONE…TWO…NO!  CODY BREWS KICKS OUT.”   Doozer splashes Brews.  He covers.  Two count.  T-Money turns on Williams with the aid of a chair.  Williams gives him a German suplex for a receipt, then baseball slides him out to the floor.  Williams takes T-Money out with the chair.  Williams clears the top rope AND the barricade with a splash on Brews.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  WILLIAMS JUST BENT BREWS OVER THAT BARRICADE!”  Williams back inside with a springboard bodypress on T-Money.  Cover.  One…two…T-Money kicks out.  Williams goes to the floor and T-Money follows.  Suave: “T-Money from the top rope…Asai moonsault!”  Williams knocked down, recovers, and flings T-Money into the barricade.  Doozer goes on the offensive with a suplex on Brews.  Doozer covers…two count.  Doozer sets up two chairs in the ring.  Williams and Doozer nail a tandem neckbreaker on Brews, dropping his back across the set-up.  Doozer covers…another two count.  T-Money takes out Doozer with a chair.  He tries to do the same to Williams.  Williams no-sells it, takes the chair, and knocks him out.  T-Money tries to take out Williams’s knee with a chairshot and tries to injure it with a stepover   Doozer actually makes the save.

Neckbreaker by Doozer on T-Money  Piledriver by Doozer on Brews gets two.  Williams walks away from the mayhem and returns with a big chunk of barricade.  He throws it into the ring.  Williams gets the barricade up in the corner.  Brews gets lobbed into the barricade a few times for two. Williams drapes the barricade over Brews and leg drops it to get a two-count.  Williams puts the boots to Brews and Doozer suddenly clotheslines both men down. Belly-to-belly on Williams, belly-to-belly on T-Money. Sleeper slapped on by Doozer on T-Money.  Williams sneaks up and applies a sleeper on T-Money, which causes him to let go of Doozer.  Brews looks ready to finish somebody off.   Cancer Jiles runs in and blasts Brews from behind with a steel folding chair.  Suave: “Jiles lifts Brews…TERMINAL CANCER!”  Williams and Doozer both roll on top of Brews for the pin and the elimination.

Eliminated: Cody Brews

Doozer puts T-Money back in the sleeper hold

The referee holds T-Money’s arm up.  It falls back down.

(…1)

He repeats the process…it falls back down again.

(…2)

The ref again pulls T-Money’s arm up.  It flops back down.  He’s out.

(….3)

The referee waves out T-Money.

Eliminated: T-Money 

Travis calls for a microphone, as Doozer looks at him with a strange look on his face. Travis puts up his hand signaling for Doozer to give him the chance to talk.

Travis Williams: “For a week or two D, I’ve made you an offer to join up with myself and Cancer, to eliminate Level-One and his group of thugs. You think it is a bad idea, but I can ensure you this…It would be great choice. Two will eliminate three, and one will not eliminate three either.”

Travis wipes the sweat off his forehead, smearing some of his make-up as well.

Travis Williams: “So, in show of good faith. And to prove to you D, that you won’t be committing career suicide…I am going to walk out of this match and give you a victory. After I do this D, I am going to be expecting a visit from you before the night is up. The ball is in your court.”

Travis tosses the microphone down on the canvas in front of Doozer, and walks over to the ropes. He stops, and looks back at Doozer, still confused in the ring, before stepping through the ropes and hopping to the floor from the apron. Travis heads up the aisle heading to the back.

The referee starts counting Williams out.  .  The referee reaches ten and waves out Williams.

Eliminated: Travis Williams

Suave: “IT’S GOING TO BE DOOZER WITH THE WIN!  AND NOW HE LOOKS OFF IN THE DISTANCE TO SEE WHERE TRAVIS WILLIAMS WENT.”

WWR Completely Deranged- Part 1

Wednesday Wrestling Rag “Completely Deranged”
Sunday August 23, 2009
Anderson Arena
Bowling Green, OH
Host: A. Kuluha Bacardi
Announcer: Johnny Suave

AKB: “We are live from Anderson Arena.  Welcome to the first ever Wednesday Wrestling Rag live event- WWR Completely Deranged.  I’m A. Kuluha Bacardi and this gentleman next to me needs no introduction.  The voice of PCW…JOHNNY…SUAVE!”  Crowd: “JOHNNY SUAVE!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)  JOHNNY SUAVE!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)”  Suave: “I see we have a few PCW fans here tonight.  Tessa Martin, the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ was supposed to be here tonight as well but as you all know, she was seriously injured Monday night at Dream Wrestling Federation’s Slaughter show.  The good news is that she’s okay.  The better news is that she was released from the hospital earlier today and is on her way home.  We miss you Tess and I hope to see you soon.  Now, onto tonight’s festivities.  We’ve got a seven match card for you tonight including a PCW title match, a PCW Tag Team title match, a unification match of PCW Women’s title and the Missouri Valley Wrestling title, DWF has a match showcasing it’s young and upcoming talent and one involving three top contenders for the DWF Title.  And then the big one.  The Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt Dawn McGill versus MPlow, Mike Effect, Michael Polowy in a hardcore grudge deathmatch.  Let’s get to it.”

MATCH #1 PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
“No Frills” Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes ©
VS.
Jack Schett and Bull Schett with Horst Schett and Hans Gruber-the Extreme German Schnauzer
Suave: Bull climbs back to his feet. Starz knocks Bull into the corner.  They’ve got a table set up over there!  He’s got him in a side headlock and taking Bull up the turnbuckle.  No!  Oh, no…*THUD*  HOLY CRAP!  INVERTED DDT THROUGH THE TABLE!”  Starz lies on top of Bull in the rubble of the table.  Suave: “That should do it!  Starz up…somehow.   Corkscrew legdrop on Bull!  He’d better pin him while he has…too late.”  The Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber, Horst Schett run to his side of the ring.  Gruber bites Starz.  Suave: “OW!  THE DOG JUST BIT STARZ IN THE LEG.  STARZ SENT FOR A RIDE BY HORST AND HITS THE SIDE OF THE RING.   NOW WHAT IS HORST DOING?  HE’S SETTING UP A TABLE, THAT’S WHAT!”  Horst drags Starz over and goes to suplex him.   Suave: “HE’S GOING FOR THE SUPLEX…BUT HERE COMES ESCONDIDO!”  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido races over and whips Horst into the steel barricade.  Starz gets back in the ring.  He tags Escondido in.  Suave: “ESCONDIDO BACK IN.  RUNNING KNEE TO BULL!”  Bull gets back up long enough for Escondido to follow with a power slam.  Jack Schett jumps in the ring and he’s got a brick.  Suave: “JACK’S IN THE RING!  HE’S GOT ONE OF THE SCHETT BRICKS.”  Escondido suddenly snaps off a spinning back kick that breaks the brick into small pieces.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HERE COME STARZ!…DDT!   HE JUST SPIKED JACK SCHETT WITH AN EVENFLOW DDT!  NOW STARZ IS UP TOP!”  He flies and splashes Bull.   Suave: “BULL GETS NAILED BY THE SHOOTING STAR JUMP.  ESCONDIDO COVERS.  ONE.  TWO.  THREE!”

Charlene Ann Beckworth: “The winners of this match, in eleven minutes and twenty two seconds, and still PCW Tag Team Title champions, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes!”

Suave: “GREAT OPENING MATCH!  THE PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND THEIR TITLES HERE AT WWR COMPLETELY DERANGED.”

 —————————————-

O’Beck Bahama Promo
PCW Champion Bahama, along with ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…I Am…’  Justin Sufferable, try to dispel the myth that Bahama’s heart just isn’t into wrestling. 

“No one questioned my heart as I pulled myself up, rung by rung, step by step, to a level to challenge for the PCW Title.  No one questioned my heart the night I defeated Starz N. Stripes at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 for the PCW Title.  No one has defeated me since…”

———————————————-

MATCH #2
MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Angels of Death: Angel Casey and Angel Scott ©
VS.
The Vatican Vice Squad: Sister Mary Marlboro and Sister Sandy Scarboro w/Mother Superior Sister Susan
… Sister Sandy wants Casey back in the ring, but it’s Angel Scott who’ll do the dirty work.  Scott puts Sister Sandy in the Octopus.  Sister Mary shoots in and  boots her in the face.  Suave: “SISTER MARY MAKES THE SAVE!  NOW ANGEL CASEY GOING UP TOP.” Casey lays out perfectly wipes out both nuns with a somersault dive. Scott pulls Sister Sandy out of the pile and powerbombs her.   Suave: “SCOTT COVERS!  NO!  SISTER SANDY KICKED OUT AT TWO.”  Angel Casey tags in and hits a crossbody on Sister Sandy.  She covers.  Two count.  Scott in the ring.  They set up for the Death Spiral Drop.  Sister Sandy starts kicking up a storm.  Sister Mary takes a chair from Sister Susan and runs in.  *CLANG*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  SHE NEVER SAW THAT COMING.”  Sister Mary tags in.  Suave: “DOUBLE STOMP ON CASEY! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO!  ANGEL SCOTT DIVES IN A THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND TO MAKE THE SAVE.”  Sister Mary and Sister Sandy set Scott up for the Doomsday Bulldog.  Casey runs to the ropes and climbs up top.  She hits a missile dropkick right into Sister Sandy’s knee! Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  That was a missile dropkick to the knee. Angel Casey has Sister Sandy stunned.  She hooks the leg…and turns her over…TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!  SHE’S GOT IT IN GOOD, TOO!”  Sister Sandy taps out to the Texas Cloverleaf at 17:24.

Charlene Ann: “The WINNERS and STILL MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, ANGELS…OF…DEATH!”

Suave: “Two matches down.  Five to go.

————————————————

Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism Promo
Chism, flanked by the Skanky Rich Bimbos Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, once again proclaims that PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama is ‘ordinary’ while he, Chism, is a star. 

“What PCW needs is an actual star on top.  Someone that ordinary joe’s can look up to.  Something that ordinary wrestlers can aspire to be like.  Maybe someone like…me.”

————————

MATCH #3
DWF CONTENDER’S MATCH
Owen Manton
VS.
Pierce
VS.
Jak Nemesis

Suave: “We’re just about ready for the match to begin.  But, there’s something wrong with Manton.”  Manton seems unfocused…as if he doesn’t want to be there.  The bell rings and Pierce and Nemesis lock up.  Manton turns around and starts back to the locker room.  Suave: “The match just began but Owen Manton is leaving!  He has not been right ever since the Myles Jake incident.  And you can’t blame him if he’s been affected that much by Jake’s death and the subsequent criminal investigation that eventually cleared Manton of any guilt.  The loss to Polowy and Nemesis at Glory.  The losses since then.   You know, Owen Manton needs to get away and get his head back together.  The referee just counted him out of the match so Manton is eliminated…”

Suave: “Nemesis with a shot to the groin and that seems to have taken some of the starch out of Pierce.  He’s got him set…Jakplex!”  Nemesis hits a jawbreaker on Pierce and he’s about ready to go.  Suave: “Nemesis setting up for his finisher…Euthanasia!  Got it!  The referee counts it …1 …2 …3.  That’s it!  Jak Nemesis comes out on top of Pierce and Owen Manton here WWR Completely Deranged. 

——————————————–

Travis Williams Promo
“Once everything is gone…You realize what you had to lose exactly! It’s not the theory of not fighting for it hard enough. It’s not the idea of not realizing how valuable it was. Nowhere close to that. It’s about having something ripped from your body that you needed to live. You could have taken a lung or a kidney, and I would not be in this much pain. You never realize how important it is to have two of them until you have just one or none at all!”

The broken man stands alone on his balcony. A tear slowly rolling down his cheekbone. His eyes are glassy and bloodshot. From a night of crying, smoking, and hard drinking. The confident that use to shine from the worldly known superstar has gone into hiding. All that stands before us…Is the shell of a man who is down and out!

“You come into my personal life to inflict pain. You did not happen to stumble in, and make the mistake of causing this pain. You made the decision to come into the scene and cause havoc. I did not take this from the ring to the living room. However, when you hear the knock on your door…You had better believe its going to be an extremely pissed off Travis Williams, looking to extract some amount of revenge. Live with that fear! I’m not running my mouth to have something to do. I wrestle and smoke, I think I may need to reserve my breath in the long run!”

He shakes his head, and attempts to hide the other tears that are coming on. Turning his head. He looks out across the breezy nighttime New York City skyline. Slowly taking in deep breaths and exhaling them with the greatest ease. You can hear him mumble, ‘1…2…3′ as he lets go of the carbon monoxide from his lungs.

“I guess the words before were not strong enough…I GUESS MY HATRED WAS NOT SHOWN ENOUGH! I am really having a hard time understanding it. I can’t quite put the pieces of this puzzle together. The picture is not matching up the way it should. I’m not the worst guy you could piss off. I’m not exactly the guy that would give your local senior citizen a heart attack if we came face to face. However, I am not sweet puppy that you can slap on the nose and expect me not to bite. I don’t care if your hand is the one that feeds or just the one that beats. When that tiger was pushed to his limited…The beautiful creature became what most sees him as. A BEAST! Everything and everyone has the ability to be the softhearted beloved thing you care the most about. They also have the ability to be the deadliest thing to ever grace the planet Earth! When you push someone over that edge…Expect to fall with them! You fucked me first. Now bend over…YOU’RE ABOUT TO BECOME MY PERSONAL BITCH!”

He grabs the golden brown bottle of scotch from the glass table on his balcony, and scans it with his eyes before opening the bottle. He places it to his lips and pauses.

“With this bottle…I turn my back on everything I have become. With one more drink…There is no return. The man I have kept hiding deep within for all these years is going to become the man before you all. I’ve made men suffer for smaller crimes. I have tormented men for pleasure and smeared their blood for amusement only. Three men stepped into my world and took from me something they could never replace. You are the reason a father cries tonight. I would say you had balls, but truth is…You all lack the knowledge needed to understand how drastic measures I will go through in order to make my mark noticeable again.

Two of three…You are forced to play in hell with the devil himself. LOOK INTO MY EYES! I am not cracking jokes! I am fucking serious! I will make your lives miserable, and your families miss you. Do you really want that? When you opted to side with some suit and tie who knew no better. You placed yourself in the hairlines of my scope. I could watch you look around stupid all day. It’s so relaxing. However, pulling that trigger is my ultimate goal. Don’t attempt to pin point my location. I can take you down from five-hundred yards away…HEADSHOT!”

Travis turns the bottle up…His throat showing the soothing motion of the liquid courage being deposited into his liver. After a few seconds, he turns the bottle back to it’s normal position. With a disturbed look on his face, he wipes his lips with his arm. Shaking his head and keeping his mouth open, he sucks in a shit load of fresh air. Attempting to put out the fire from his liquid courage.

“Completely Deranged…I will not be held responsible for the actions I will seek in pleasure. I kept him down. I made sure he would never show again. However. I never banked on someone being dumb enough to drag the sleeping bastard out of bed. I never saw someone waking him UP!

You may escape this event with your life. You may escape the next year with it…I’m not like you. I’m mentally ill, and I am not afraid to admit that! While you tell me when and what you are going to do, I am going to make you keep guessing. I like playing the mental game. My mind works in wonderful ways…I know how to drive a man crazy and never lay a finger on him. I’ve made men cry at the sight of their own shadows. I’ve made men become what they feared the most. I’ve also made men bow at my presence. Why? That is who I truly am. I am reality…I am your nightmare when you are not even asleep!”

Travis downs another swallow from his bottle of scotch, before tossing the bottle over his balcony. As the glass shatters echoes up to the top floor of the building…Travis has made his exit unnoticed!

T-Money Promo
[Scene opens; T-Money is walking through a parking garage. The garage is half full, or half empty in some people case, well lit up on both sides sit security guard shacks. T-Money continues walking as he reaches in his pockets and pulls out his keys. He hits the unlock button and the lights flash on his vehicle. T-Money approaches the black Chevy Camaro and opens up the driver side door. He slams the door and starts the engine, he rips on the gas a couple of times, slams in reverse, and heads towards the exit.

Scene switches; Inside his car, "Stay Wide Awake" by Eminem, blares over the radio. He drives under a few signs to say entering E Wooster St., he arrives at the exit and hurries out in front of a couple of vehicles, as the driver's horn in disapprovement. T-Money keeps driving, jamming out to his music. The music suddenly stops and a phone ringing is heard. T-Money pushes a couple of buttons and you can hear someone on through the speakers.]

Voice – “Money you there? Money?”

T-Money – “Yeah? Can you hear me?”

Voice – “Now I can! What’s going on dude? Long time since I’ve talked to you.”

[T-Money looks in the driver side mirror and switches lanes. He hurries past cars and then swaps back into his lane.]

T-Money – “Nothing much…who is this again?”

Voice – “Are you serious? Dude, you don’t recongize my voice?”

T-Money – “Trevor? What the hell dude? How have you been?”

Trevor – “Good, bro! Just been kicking it, you know hanging out. How about yourself?”

T-Money – “Hell! Just got back into that wrestling thing I’ve always done, took a few years off but you know how that goes.”

Trevor – “Tell me about it. Remember when we used to wrestle together as “The Riot?” Man those were the days, huh?”

[T-Money smiles and laughes as he suddenly presses his brakes and comes to a skreeching stop.]

T-Money – “You remember that time you went to jump off the ladder right before you leaped the ladder broke and you fell into the front row?” Money chuckles, “sure was so fun times! So how you been doing? Better yet, what the f**k you been up too?”

Trevor – “Nothing much man, I actually just graduated college about three months ago.”

T-Money – “What? I didn’t even know you decided to go back. Congradulations! What’d you go for?”

Trevor – “I was going to be a football coach, but then decided to switch it up to personal trainer. So now I work with different people and personally train them.” Trevor laughs as T-Money does the same. “So where you living now?”

T-Money – “Still in Louisiana. Well now we are touring so I’m in and out of hotel rooms, but no big deal. I just bought a house about three months ago and just have got settled in. We actually did a show in Houma a month or so ago and it was the first time that I was able to sleep at the house. So you finally went through with the personal trainer deal, that’s awesome. I just lost my trainer.”

Trevor – “Really? You looking for someone to help you out?”

[T-Money pauses for a minute as he swerves in and out of traffic.]

T-Money – “Possiblly. It would all depend on if they are willing to travel with me and abide by my rigorous schedule. You know how it is on the road, but now image it ten times more chaotic.”

Trevor – “I can about imagine.”

T-Money – “How’d you get my car phone number?”

Trevor – “You know me, bro. I have my ways.” Trevor laughs, “you don’t remember calling me a few of months back and telling me you bought that new car? Well you left a message telling me your new cell phone number, pager number, and car phone number.”

[T-Money tries to think, but can't recall anything. Must have been when he was in his drug stage, right before he got clean and back into the ring.]

Trevor – “You sounded pretty messed up.”

T-Money – “I must have been, because I don’t remember calling you at all.” He laughs and quickly gets back to conversation. “So where you been hiding out all this time?”

Trevor – “Still moving around from place to place, trying to finally get my feet underneath me. It’s hard though man, things just don’t always go as planned.”

T-Money – “Tell me about it!”

Trevor – “When did you sign on with Dream, bro? I’ve always watched Dream, even back when Doozer and Mike Extreme would go at it, some of the best matches you’ve ever seen!”

[T-Money pauses for a second as Trevor mentions Doozer. Just hearing his name makes T-Money's hair stand on end. Sure he was good in the old DWF, but time's have changed and his time has come to pass.]

T-Money – “Been a couple of months, I guess. I really couldn’t tell you exactly, ever since I signed on I have been on the road. Shit bro, I forgot to tell you. I got the main event at the last pick pay per view event.”

Trevor – “Your kidding? Never would have I thought little ol’ Tyler Johnson would be headlining a pay per view! I actually watch it dude! One hell of a match too. That was the only match that I saw of yours till last night when I watch y’all new show, Insomnia.”

T-Money – “What’d you think about it?”

Trevor – “F**king awesome, bro! I usually would miss Slaughter because I would train a client Sunday night, but then they moved it to Monday, which I was so siked about, then added a new show. I forgot it was on last night and I was thumbing through the channels when I seen it. I put it on and I was like what the f**k, that’s Tyler! I kept watching and I watched you whipped that poor Brews fella and was like I got to call him.”

[T-Money continues to race through traffic, the other cars look as if they are sitting still.]

T-Money – “He is a little punk. I seen quite a few people pass on him in the past weeks!”

Trevor – “I was just looking on the Dream website and it was saying you are in Ohio this week fighting the WWR event?”

T-Money – “Yes sir! Another walk in the park! The best thing is that I have already faced all two of the three guys and one of them is just a show off.”

Trevor – “So you think you got ‘em?”

[T-Money almost doesn't even answer the question. Of course he has got them! Remember what the old man said he repeats to himself. He knows his has to push forward and taking this fued with Doozer and this step for his career will do nothing but bring bigger rewards.]

T-Money – “Hell yeah I got ‘em! You said yourself you saw what I did to poor ol’ Brews. He, Brews, is about a fraction more worthy than Travis Williams. Now Doozer, well he is plain f**king retarded! A grown ass man that has the thoughts of a seven year old child!”

Trevor – “Man, Doozer used to rule Dream! His most memorable fued was with The Big Shot, no one could forgot that, classic!”

T-Money – “Well I’m after Doozer’s sissy ass! I ain’t got nuttin for him. I’m telling you it’s going to be me and him the last two and I’m coming out swinging, I just hope he’s ready.”

Trevor – “Man, that show is going to be a classic.”

T-Money – “Classic won’t even describe it. Whenever this show ends the whole wrestling community will know my name. All I ever hear about is this washed up old timer’s and this low card jobbers who get main event status, plum f**kin ridiculous!”

Trevor – “Politics my brother, politics. Always will have a role in everything we do, no matter how good or had bad, always politics.”

T-Money – “You know it! Just like this Level-One character. He has been the champ for oh some time now, right. Well everyone trips about him like he is just the greatest ever, but he ain’t! I know people that would destroy him, hell I f**kin had him before I tried to take it too far.”

Trevor – “You have to admit though, no one has brought him down yet so, something has to be going right.”

T-Money – “I tell you what it is. It’s management always booking him against the underachievers, who aren’t worth the soul of my shoe. I have watched this so called champion, fight against the weakest of the weak and of course he is going to win.”

Trevor – “Well Doozer sure couldn’t beat him either and Doozer is a beast man, I know you don’t like him, but man if you only knew how awesome he was in his prime.”

T-Money – “Doozer lost because I was there to make sure he lost. Even if I would have thought that he was going to get close to winning I would have stomped him out, but instead all I had to do is just let him see my face and that was enough. It drove the old bastard straight into a defeat. As far as those other two go, there isn’t a strand of hair on my body that couldn’t win against them.”

Trevor – “You haven’t changed a bit, huh? Always full of confidence. That’s what I like about you, always on top of your game!”

T-Money – “Gotta be man. These crazy ass people will drive someone to suicide if you don’t have your mind right.”

Trevor – “Well look bro, I’m going to have to be going, go to start getting ready for my clients tomorrow. Good luck though bro, I wish I was there to get it out!”

T-Money – “Thanks man. I was just born lucky bro, no need for it now!”

8/19-PCW on P-SPAN 2 Hour Special

Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…

Stuffy Announcer Type: “And now, it’s time for Political Championship Wrestling on P-SPAN. Tonight’s program is live from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio.

Johnny Suave comes out and welcomes everyone to the P-SPAN 2-hour special.

A clip from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s MVWA 5 replays PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, The Eskimo Queen-Kalee Jones, and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas’s attack on Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA Sunday night.

The clip also shows MVW CEO Jason Carmondy’s shocking announcement that he’d come to a deal with PCW CEO Barack Obama on purchasing the contracts of PCW’s Women’s division.

Nancy Pelosi Promo
Back in the back, an angry Nancy Pelosi again blames Miss USA for the loss of PCW’s Women’s division and reinstates Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen for the night.

MATCH #1
Jack the Snipper (Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. Quad R-The Right Reverend Randy Richardson w/the God Squad (God Squad)
…Jack runs into an elbow.  Quad R hits a inverted DDT for a two count. Jack thrown into the corner.   He tries to punch out but Rev. Richardson hits hurricarana for another two count.  Quad R lifts the former vasectomy doctor up and delivers a Quadraplex for the win.

KRC, Kalee Jones, and Haley Dallas Promo
KRC, Jones, and Dallas promise to stick up one last time for the PCW banner before they move to Missouri Valley Wrestling.  KRC vows to prove once and for all that she is the superior wrestler to Miss USA.

MATCH #2
Big Oil w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. Dick Van Dam (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
…DVD tries a five star frog splash…and misses…badly.  Big Oil pulls the arms of DVD and chokeslams him to the floor.  Texas Tex rolls him back in and Big Oil sticks his big foot on DVD’s chest for the easy pin.

Stone Chism Promo
Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism again refers to PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama as ordinary.  Chism says his stardom alone will pull him through tonight’s match and PCW will finally have a shining light as their standard bearer.

Miss USA and Dawn McGill confer in the locker room.  Miss USA looks focused and relaxed.

MATCH #3
‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (American Patriots) vs. Emily List w/Code Pink (Progressive Alliance)
…List runs in with a knee.  Dallas shoves her off and then hits a Texas Lariat.   List tries a rolling senton splash and misses.  Dallas gets her rope and hogties List for the three count.

Suave notes that Dallas is doing double duty tonight as she will also be in tonight’s PCW vs. MVW match.

Flanked by manager ‘Not just unbearable…not just intolerable…he is’ Justin Sufferable, PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama admits that, unlike Barack Obama, he’s not the most well spoken person in the world.  But he notes that he has not lost a match in nearly a year and has held the PCW title for over 9 and a half months.

Miss USA (MVW) and Kathryn Randall Collins (PCW) match previewed for Sunday Night’s WWR Completely Deranged Supershow.

MATCH #4
The Total Eliminators-Cadillac and Jaguar w/ Mercedes and Porsche Lexus vs. Politically Incorrect-Nic Koteen and Al Cahall w/the “Princess of Political Incorrectness” Andrea Doria (American Heartland Coalition)
…Jaguar and Cahall lockup.  Jaguar gets backed into a corner and fights his way out with a thrust kick that snaps Cahall’s neck back.  Jaguar goes to a headlock and then switches to a hammerlock.  Cahall tries to escape so Jaguar switches to an arm wrench.  Cahall finally reverses and takes Jaguar down.  Jaguar to his corner and tags in Cadillac.  Cahall jumps him and flails away at him with punches.  Jaguar from the top turnbuckle hits a missile drop kick to Cahall’s knee.   Cadillac low bridges Cahall.  Jaguar hits a standing dropkick.   Cahall’s whipped off the ropes and Mercedes with a cheap shot.  Cadillac backs up and levels Cahall with his power slam.  Cadillac covers and gets the win.

Backstage Drama
On the way to her locker room, Christa Carmondy (of Missouri Valley Wrestling) sics her Mean Girl Clique on Mercedes and knocks her out of the PCW vs. MVW match.  Conveniently, Carmondy offers to take her place.

Dr. Bill Promo
Dr. Bill and the PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke walk to the ring.  Dr. Bill launches into a scathing tirade about the state of pro wrestling today.  He specifically mentions High Octane Wrestling as being a last way station of the psychotically unbalanced.  He rips on HOW star Aceldama for throwing the ashes of a dead person in one of the wrestlers face.  Dr. Bill then offers his ‘years of expertise’ as a wanna be self-help guru to counsel Aceldama.

He then rips on Kirsta Lewis for using a nail gun in one of her matches and call hers a congenital psychopath in desperate need of anger management counseling.  Dr. Bill again conveniently offers his services to help Lewis manage her pain.

He then turns his guns on HOW Owner Lee Best, calling him a sex-crazed, meglomanic who uses his position of power to ensnare Lewis and Bobbinette Carey in a unhealthy, coercive sexual relationship with him.  Once again, Dr. Bill offers his vast experience as a self-help guru wannabe to counsel Best.

Dr. Bill then warns PCW not to travel down the same road and mentions the ‘hot tub’ scene from last week involving PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA, and former PCW CEO Bill Clinton as a prime example of where the road down into the sludge pit begins.  He then, again, offers to counsel KRC and Miss USA with his years of work being a wannabe self help guru.

MATCH #5
‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos-Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (Progressive Alliance) vs. NRA (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)

…The SRB in the ring, they hang NRA in the tree of woe.  Chism whips Hilton into him and crotch NRA on the face of Hilton.  Then Richie jumps on top of him in a rather scandalous position.   This causes ‘The Princess of Political Correctness’ Andrea Doria to run in and put both Hilton and Richie in the testicular claw…even though it would probably be better termed the vaginal vice.   NRA busts out and charges Chism.  The Hollywood A-Lister gets a boot up and spins NRA around.   Back elbow by Chism.  Chism Irish Whips NRA to the ropes and hits a knee on the rebound.   NRA cuts the legs out from under Chism and gets ready to put him in the gun rack.  Suddenly, both Hilton and Richie get in front of NRA and whip off their tops…WARDROBE MALFUCTION!   Johnny Suave: “God, I never get tired off that move.”  Chism sneaks in and goes for his finisher…the Hollywood Blockbuster.  Game, set, match.  One…two…three.

The Adventures of Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers gets caught rooting around the Missouri Valley Wrestling women’s locker room.  Nye admires the feet of Angels of Death aka…Angel Scott and Angel Casey before they use them to literally kick him out of the locker room.

MATCH #6
Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army) vs. The Extreme Weather Network-Steve Abrams and Mike Bettis w/Jim Frascantore and the Extreme Weather Girls Jen, Steph, and Kristina
We go through the whole Ron Paul entrance and only Horst Schett comes out.  The EWN then appear via video link and explain that because of the Hurricane Bill situation that they wouldn’t be able to be at the show tonight.  No matter, Jack and Bull takes the fight to them and attacks the EWN at their TV studio.

Jack is on Bettis and whips him into Abrams.  Jack and Bull doubleteam suplex Frascantore on top of Abrams and Bettis.  Jack and Bull covers.  A referee counts.  And the Schetts will meet ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes Sunday night at WWR Completely Deranged for the PCW Tag Team title.

MVW CEO Jason Carmondy and PCW CEO Barack Obama formally sign the agreement sending over the PCW Women’s roster to the Missouri Valley Wrestling Association.

Charlene Ann Beckworth does the big match style announcement of both teams.

Main Event: Missouri Valley Wrestling vs. Political Championship Wrestling

MVW: MVW Champion Miss USA w/ Dawn McGill, Angels of Death (Angel Scott and Angel Casey), and Weathergirl Hallie
vs.
PCW: PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee Jones-The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas, and Christa Carmondy w/the Mean Girl Clique
The bell rings.  Suave: “There’s the bell and here we go.  Angels of Death immediately suplex Dallas on top of KRC!  Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen  European uppercuts Miss USA.    Weathergirl Hallie chases after Christa Carmondy.  Angel Casey off the second rope…AND FLIES RIGHT INTO KRC’S BIG BOOT!  HOLY CRAP!”    Double kick by Dallas and Jones on Casey.  Jones throws her out of the ring.  Hallie cuts Christa off but gets crotched.  KRC jabs Miss USA.   She avoids the final jab but gets caught by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Christa Carmondy.  Camel Clutch/low dropkick combo on Miss USA by Carmondy and Haley Dallas.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  Angel Casey goes handspring but KRC catches in mid-air and hits a release German suplex.  Carmondy and Dallas double kick to her gut and add insult to injury with low dropkicks to either side of Casey’s head.

Miss USA Patriot Missiles KRC off the second rope.  Jawbreaker to Dallas by Angel Scott who then turns to Carmondy and suplexes her.  The crowd cheers when Scott hangs Carmondy in the tree of woe and Casey skateboards a chair into her face.  Kalee grabs her in a waistlock.  Casey gets away when Scott delivers a forearm shot to Kalee’s neck.  Casey whips Haley Dallas into the ropes right to Scott who then hits an overhead throw right into Carmondy, still tied in the Tree of Woe!  Carmondy finally flops from the turnbuckle.  Miss USA hits a standing dropkick to Dallas.  Angels of Death go up top.  Top rope enziguiri by Casey to Kalee!  Scott drop kick’s Kalee’s head into the corner turnbuckle!

The Eskimo Queen tries to escape.  Angel Scott cuts her off and they exchange stiff shots back and forth.  Scott ducks a right hand!  Jones accidently punches Dallas.  Casey goes up top and spears Kalee.  Miss USA lands a dropkick on KRC.  She then uses her momentum to go up top again and dives onto KRC and Carmondy!   Scott and Casey go after KRC.   She returns with a crossbody!  KRC hits a DDT/Flatliner combo and we finally have the first cover of the match!  KRC and Scott go at each other.  Casey whips Jones into the ropes.   Casey attempts to follow…Kalee Jones nails the Tower of Doom!   ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas has her lasso out and ties up Miss USA in the corner.   That brings the ’6 Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill in.  McGill doesn’t like that Dallas has tied up Miss USA and kicks her in the skull with her 4″ stilettos.   Blood begins to stream from the side of the Texas Cowgirl’s face.  Miss USA and KRC trade shots, counters, and finally KRC slams her face first.

Just as McGill gets comfy in the outside, someone runs down the aisle.  Suave: “WAIT!  WHO THE HELL IS…THAT’S DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION’S MIKE POLOWY!  WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?”  The crowd starts to boo and McGill doesn’t see him coming until it’s too late.  Polowy pushes McGill off the ring apron and she falls through a ringside table.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  POLOWY JUST PUT DAWN McGILL THROUGH A TABLE!”

Immediately, all action stops in the ring and Polowy realizes that Miss USA, Angel Scott, Angel Casey, Weathergirl Hallie, Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee  Jones- The Eskimo Queen, and the ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas are all staring daggers right through him.  Polowy wisely turns and sprints right back up the aisle with Scott, Casey, Hallie, KRC, Jones, and Dallas in hot pursuit.

Miss USA stays back and hits a Spinebuster Slam on Christa Carmondy.  She goes up top and nails the Patriot Missile.  Cover.  1…2…3.

Outside of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Polowy jumps inside a waiting car that speeds off before the other six can reach it.

——————–

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POLITICAL HOT TOPICS: August 20, 2009

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