Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…
Stuffy Announcer Type: “And now, it’s time for Political Championship Wrestling on P-SPAN. Tonight’s program is live from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio.
Johnny Suave comes out and welcomes everyone to the P-SPAN 2-hour special.
A clip from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s MVWA 5 replays PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, The Eskimo Queen-Kalee Jones, and ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas’s attack on Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA Sunday night.
The clip also shows MVW CEO Jason Carmondy’s shocking announcement that he’d come to a deal with PCW CEO Barack Obama on purchasing the contracts of PCW’s Women’s division.
Nancy Pelosi Promo
Back in the back, an angry Nancy Pelosi again blames Miss USA for the loss of PCW’s Women’s division and reinstates Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen for the night.
Jack the Snipper (Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. Quad R-The Right Reverend Randy Richardson w/the God Squad (God Squad)
…Jack runs into an elbow. Quad R hits a inverted DDT for a two count. Jack thrown into the corner. He tries to punch out but Rev. Richardson hits hurricarana for another two count. Quad R lifts the former vasectomy doctor up and delivers a Quadraplex for the win.
KRC, Kalee Jones, and Haley Dallas Promo
KRC, Jones, and Dallas promise to stick up one last time for the PCW banner before they move to Missouri Valley Wrestling. KRC vows to prove once and for all that she is the superior wrestler to Miss USA.
Big Oil w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. Dick Van Dam (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
…DVD tries a five star frog splash…and misses…badly. Big Oil pulls the arms of DVD and chokeslams him to the floor. Texas Tex rolls him back in and Big Oil sticks his big foot on DVD’s chest for the easy pin.
Stone Chism Promo
Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism again refers to PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama as ordinary. Chism says his stardom alone will pull him through tonight’s match and PCW will finally have a shining light as their standard bearer.
Miss USA and Dawn McGill confer in the locker room. Miss USA looks focused and relaxed.
‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (American Patriots) vs. Emily List w/Code Pink (Progressive Alliance)
…List runs in with a knee. Dallas shoves her off and then hits a Texas Lariat. List tries a rolling senton splash and misses. Dallas gets her rope and hogties List for the three count.
Suave notes that Dallas is doing double duty tonight as she will also be in tonight’s PCW vs. MVW match.
Flanked by manager ‘Not just unbearable…not just intolerable…he is’ Justin Sufferable, PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama admits that, unlike Barack Obama, he’s not the most well spoken person in the world. But he notes that he has not lost a match in nearly a year and has held the PCW title for over 9 and a half months.
Miss USA (MVW) and Kathryn Randall Collins (PCW) match previewed for Sunday Night’s WWR Completely Deranged Supershow.
The Total Eliminators-Cadillac and Jaguar w/ Mercedes and Porsche Lexus vs. Politically Incorrect-Nic Koteen and Al Cahall w/the “Princess of Political Incorrectness” Andrea Doria (American Heartland Coalition)
…Jaguar and Cahall lockup. Jaguar gets backed into a corner and fights his way out with a thrust kick that snaps Cahall’s neck back. Jaguar goes to a headlock and then switches to a hammerlock. Cahall tries to escape so Jaguar switches to an arm wrench. Cahall finally reverses and takes Jaguar down. Jaguar to his corner and tags in Cadillac. Cahall jumps him and flails away at him with punches. Jaguar from the top turnbuckle hits a missile drop kick to Cahall’s knee. Cadillac low bridges Cahall. Jaguar hits a standing dropkick. Cahall’s whipped off the ropes and Mercedes with a cheap shot. Cadillac backs up and levels Cahall with his power slam. Cadillac covers and gets the win.
On the way to her locker room, Christa Carmondy (of Missouri Valley Wrestling) sics her Mean Girl Clique on Mercedes and knocks her out of the PCW vs. MVW match. Conveniently, Carmondy offers to take her place.
Dr. Bill Promo
Dr. Bill and the PCW Television Champion Baron Von Munchke walk to the ring. Dr. Bill launches into a scathing tirade about the state of pro wrestling today. He specifically mentions High Octane Wrestling as being a last way station of the psychotically unbalanced. He rips on HOW star Aceldama for throwing the ashes of a dead person in one of the wrestlers face. Dr. Bill then offers his ‘years of expertise’ as a wanna be self-help guru to counsel Aceldama.
He then rips on Kirsta Lewis for using a nail gun in one of her matches and call hers a congenital psychopath in desperate need of anger management counseling. Dr. Bill again conveniently offers his services to help Lewis manage her pain.
He then turns his guns on HOW Owner Lee Best, calling him a sex-crazed, meglomanic who uses his position of power to ensnare Lewis and Bobbinette Carey in a unhealthy, coercive sexual relationship with him. Once again, Dr. Bill offers his vast experience as a self-help guru wannabe to counsel Best.
Dr. Bill then warns PCW not to travel down the same road and mentions the ‘hot tub’ scene from last week involving PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA, and former PCW CEO Bill Clinton as a prime example of where the road down into the sludge pit begins. He then, again, offers to counsel KRC and Miss USA with his years of work being a wannabe self help guru.
‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos-Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (Progressive Alliance) vs. NRA (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
…The SRB in the ring, they hang NRA in the tree of woe. Chism whips Hilton into him and crotch NRA on the face of Hilton. Then Richie jumps on top of him in a rather scandalous position. This causes ‘The Princess of Political Correctness’ Andrea Doria to run in and put both Hilton and Richie in the testicular claw…even though it would probably be better termed the vaginal vice. NRA busts out and charges Chism. The Hollywood A-Lister gets a boot up and spins NRA around. Back elbow by Chism. Chism Irish Whips NRA to the ropes and hits a knee on the rebound. NRA cuts the legs out from under Chism and gets ready to put him in the gun rack. Suddenly, both Hilton and Richie get in front of NRA and whip off their tops…WARDROBE MALFUCTION! Johnny Suave: “God, I never get tired off that move.” Chism sneaks in and goes for his finisher…the Hollywood Blockbuster. Game, set, match. One…two…three.
The Adventures of Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers gets caught rooting around the Missouri Valley Wrestling women’s locker room. Nye admires the feet of Angels of Death aka…Angel Scott and Angel Casey before they use them to literally kick him out of the locker room.
Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army) vs. The Extreme Weather Network-Steve Abrams and Mike Bettis w/Jim Frascantore and the Extreme Weather Girls Jen, Steph, and Kristina
We go through the whole Ron Paul entrance and only Horst Schett comes out. The EWN then appear via video link and explain that because of the Hurricane Bill situation that they wouldn’t be able to be at the show tonight. No matter, Jack and Bull takes the fight to them and attacks the EWN at their TV studio.
Jack is on Bettis and whips him into Abrams. Jack and Bull doubleteam suplex Frascantore on top of Abrams and Bettis. Jack and Bull covers. A referee counts. And the Schetts will meet ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes Sunday night at WWR Completely Deranged for the PCW Tag Team title.
MVW CEO Jason Carmondy and PCW CEO Barack Obama formally sign the agreement sending over the PCW Women’s roster to the Missouri Valley Wrestling Association.
Charlene Ann Beckworth does the big match style announcement of both teams.
Main Event: Missouri Valley Wrestling vs. Political Championship Wrestling
MVW: MVW Champion Miss USA w/ Dawn McGill, Angels of Death (Angel Scott and Angel Casey), and Weathergirl Hallie
PCW: PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee Jones-The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas, and Christa Carmondy w/the Mean Girl Clique
The bell rings. Suave: “There’s the bell and here we go. Angels of Death immediately suplex Dallas on top of KRC! Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen European uppercuts Miss USA. Weathergirl Hallie chases after Christa Carmondy. Angel Casey off the second rope…AND FLIES RIGHT INTO KRC’S BIG BOOT! HOLY CRAP!” Double kick by Dallas and Jones on Casey. Jones throws her out of the ring. Hallie cuts Christa off but gets crotched. KRC jabs Miss USA. She avoids the final jab but gets caught by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Christa Carmondy. Camel Clutch/low dropkick combo on Miss USA by Carmondy and Haley Dallas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Angel Casey goes handspring but KRC catches in mid-air and hits a release German suplex. Carmondy and Dallas double kick to her gut and add insult to injury with low dropkicks to either side of Casey’s head.
Miss USA Patriot Missiles KRC off the second rope. Jawbreaker to Dallas by Angel Scott who then turns to Carmondy and suplexes her. The crowd cheers when Scott hangs Carmondy in the tree of woe and Casey skateboards a chair into her face. Kalee grabs her in a waistlock. Casey gets away when Scott delivers a forearm shot to Kalee’s neck. Casey whips Haley Dallas into the ropes right to Scott who then hits an overhead throw right into Carmondy, still tied in the Tree of Woe! Carmondy finally flops from the turnbuckle. Miss USA hits a standing dropkick to Dallas. Angels of Death go up top. Top rope enziguiri by Casey to Kalee! Scott drop kick’s Kalee’s head into the corner turnbuckle!
The Eskimo Queen tries to escape. Angel Scott cuts her off and they exchange stiff shots back and forth. Scott ducks a right hand! Jones accidently punches Dallas. Casey goes up top and spears Kalee. Miss USA lands a dropkick on KRC. She then uses her momentum to go up top again and dives onto KRC and Carmondy! Scott and Casey go after KRC. She returns with a crossbody! KRC hits a DDT/Flatliner combo and we finally have the first cover of the match! KRC and Scott go at each other. Casey whips Jones into the ropes. Casey attempts to follow…Kalee Jones nails the Tower of Doom! ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas has her lasso out and ties up Miss USA in the corner. That brings the ’6 Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill in. McGill doesn’t like that Dallas has tied up Miss USA and kicks her in the skull with her 4″ stilettos. Blood begins to stream from the side of the Texas Cowgirl’s face. Miss USA and KRC trade shots, counters, and finally KRC slams her face first.
Just as McGill gets comfy in the outside, someone runs down the aisle. Suave: “WAIT! WHO THE HELL IS…THAT’S DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION’S MIKE POLOWY! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?” The crowd starts to boo and McGill doesn’t see him coming until it’s too late. Polowy pushes McGill off the ring apron and she falls through a ringside table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! POLOWY JUST PUT DAWN McGILL THROUGH A TABLE!”
Immediately, all action stops in the ring and Polowy realizes that Miss USA, Angel Scott, Angel Casey, Weathergirl Hallie, Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen, and the ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas are all staring daggers right through him. Polowy wisely turns and sprints right back up the aisle with Scott, Casey, Hallie, KRC, Jones, and Dallas in hot pursuit.
Miss USA stays back and hits a Spinebuster Slam on Christa Carmondy. She goes up top and nails the Patriot Missile. Cover. 1…2…3.
Outside of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Polowy jumps inside a waiting car that speeds off before the other six can reach it.
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