WWR Completely Deranged: McGill v. Polowy plus bonus match

Dawn McGill
Mike Polowy


*Yes, Please by Muse plays*


Suave: ‘So here we are.”  A cascading wall of boos greets Michael Polowy as he reluctantly makes his way up the aisle with Level-One and Jak Nemesis. 

Yes please, haha

I cannot sleep
There’s too much noise in my head
I cannot sleep
I want it here instead

I never thought that this could come to this
I just wanna look at your face in peace now
You’ll never miss
But I can

Suave: “One half of DWF’s Tag Team champions and the DWF Women’s titleholder.  Polowy right now is either living out the ultimate heel fantasy where practically EVERYONE in the building wants to see your ass get kicked three days to Sunday… OR…he feels like he’s walking into the lion’s den.  Probably a little bit of both.”  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”  Polowy ate it all up.  He cupped his hand up against an ear and played deaf which only riled the crowd up even more. 

*opening guitar licks to the Beastie Boys ‘Sabotage’ play*


“Can’t Stand It, I Know You Planned It
Ima Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can’t Stand Rockin’ When I’m In Here
‘Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain’t So Crystal Clear
So, While You Sit Back And Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My God, It’s A Mirage
I’m Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage”

Dawn McGill, accompanied by ‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis of High Octane Wrestling, Simcoe County Championship Wrestling, Totally Fictional Wrestling Federation, Valora Salinas of Wrestling Midwest, and the undisputed Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA all climb into the ring.

“So,So,So, So Listen Up ‘Cause You Can’t Say Nothin’
You Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button
But yo, I’m Out And I’m Gone
I’ll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

‘Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet, So Don’t You Get Souped Yet
Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage
I’m Tryin’ To Tell You Now It’s Sabotage”

McGill and Polowy glare hard at each other.  But it’s WMW’s Valora who starts in on Polowy.  Suave: “And the trash talking begins.  The referee is going to have a hell of a time keeping this one under control.”  Polowy takes a tentative step towards WMW’s Queen of Hardcore but McGill moves right away to cut him off.  Polowy wisely retreats back to his corner and confers with Level-One and Jak Nemesis.

Charlene Ann Beckworth is ready for the ring introductions.  Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen.  This will be our main event.  This match will be a no disqualification, hardcore deathmatch.  In this corner, seconded tonight by the Dream Wrestling Federation Champion and Wednesday Wrestling Rag’s #1 rated Men’s wrestler, Level-One, and the co-holder of the DWF Tag Team belts Jak Nemesis,  he is also one half of the DWF Tag Team Champions and the DWF Women’s-”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “I didn’t think the crowd would go along with that…”  Charlene Ann: “From Atlantic City, New Jersey, MICHAEL POLOWY!”  Another wave of loud dissonance emitted from the crowd. 

Charlene Ann: “In the other corner, seconded by the WWR’s #1 ranked woman wrestler, The Hellcat, Kirsta Lewis…”  A another loud ovation greets the visiting Hellcat with the PCW regulars in the front row genuflecting to her chanting ‘we’re not worthy…we’re not worthy.’  Charlene Ann: …the WWR’s #8 ranked woman wrestler, the new Queen of Extreme, Wrestling Midwest’s Hardcore Champion, Valora Salinas!”  Crowd: “QUEEN OF EXTREME!  QUEEN OF EXTREME!”  Charlene Ann: “Also seconding, the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion and WWR’s #10 ranked woman wrestler, Miss USA!”  Crowd: “USA…USA…USA…”  Charlene Ann: “From Morenci, Michigan, the Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt and owner of the most lethal 4” stilettos there is- DAWN McGILL!”


The bell rings.

Suave: “THERE’S THE BELL!  McGILL COMES RIGHT OUT AFTER POLOWY!”  McGill swings the Singapore cane…*THWACK*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT SENT POLOWY STAGGERING ACROSS THE RING…*THWACK*  ANOTHER ONE!  McGILL’S TRYING TO FILET POLOWY’S BACK!”  Polowy immediately drops down and rolls out of the ring.  The crowd lets him have it.  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  Polowy pounds the ring apron and then notices Valora is a little too close for comfort.  He relocates himself back to his corner and once again discusses strategy with Level-One and Nemesis.  Polowy grabs a steel folding chair and climbs back in.

Suave: “Polowy back in…again…they’re talking back and forth at each other.  McGill is practically begging him to come after her.  Polowy is being a little more cautious right now.”  Polowy rushes in with the chair.  He swings.  McGill’s not there.  *CLANK*  The chair hits the corner ringpost.  Polowy again charges.  McGill grabs the arm and hits the armdrag takedown.  The chair goes flying across the ring.  Suave: “McGILL WITH THE ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!  HE CHARGES McGILL AGAIN…ANOTHER ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!”  McGill adjusts her knee brace and waits.  Polowy charges a third time.  Dawn holds on to the arm into an arm wringer.  She pulls Mike towards her and lifts him up.  Suave: “McGILL HAS A FIREMAN’S CARRY…BODY SLAM!”  Again, Polowy slams his hand down and rolls out of the ring. 

MPlow tries to sneak around but Lewis is right there to stop that.  Polowy hurries back around and gets back into the ring.  Suave: “Mike almost seems a little rattled right now.  You can tell he’s trying to think his way through this.”  Polowy suddenly launches himself at McGill…flying shoulder block sends her to the mat.   Suave: “McGill on the canvas.  She’s back to her feet and…SHE TACKLES POLOWY!”  McGill pummels his head.   Suave: “THE CROWD AGAIN GOING NUTS!  NOW McGILL HAS AN CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  McGill goes with the Rear Triangle Choke.  Polowy powers up and McGill releases the hold.  Polowy clutches his neck.  He takes a wild left hand swing and missies badly.  McGill throws a left and connects sending Polowy reeling into her corner.  Suave: “Bad place to be.  THERE’S KIRSTA LEWIS!  WHOA!”  Lewis cold-cocks Polowy and sends him right back to McGill.  Dawn nails him with another left and sends him back to Lewis.  Suave: “Polowy looks like a duck caught in a firing range.”  Lewis grabs a barbed wire covered baseball bat and swings at Polowy.  He ducks…McGill has to duck…even Miss USA and Valora must duck.  McGill takes the opening and swings her foot hard, connecting with Polowy’s private area.  *CLANK*  Polowy grins and pulls down the front of his trunks enough to show a metal codpiece is protecting his crown jewels.  McGill motions to Valora who reaches down and throws her a taser.  Suave: “Oh…no…no, no…  *ZZZZAP*  HOLY CRAP!”  Mike starts hopping up and down, desperately trying to remove the codpiece…he finally does.

McGill then hits a standing dropkick and Polowy tumbles through the ropes to the floor.  Suave: “THE CROWD IS LOVING THIS SO FAR.  McGILL ON THE FLOOR…SHE WHIPS POLOWY INTO THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis take tentative steps forward but step back when Lewis, Valora, and Miss USA respond in kind.  McGill gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Polowy. McGill throws the chair down and again pulls Polowy back up. Chop across the chest. A second one. McGill whips Polowy into the steel guardrail. Polowy flips over the guardrail into the crowd. Suave: “This has been all McGill so far.”

McGill is handed a cup of beer. Beer shot to Polowy. Cookie sheet is next. *WHACK* The cookie sheet is bent at a ninety degree angle after McGill uses it. Cheese grater.  McGill rubs the cheese grater across Polowy’s forehead cutting him open.  Suave: “CHEESE GRATER!  CHEESE GRATER!”  The crowd parts and creates a corridor as McGill pushes Polowy towards the concession stand. McGill throws Polowy head first into the edge of the stand. Polowy finally fights back and pushes McGill away. He tries to fire some shots at McGill. McGill goes hammerlock and then reverses into a side headlock. Polowy reverses into an arm wringer. McGill can’t break the hold so she punches Polowy in the mouth. McGill grabs a squeeze bottle full of ketchup and squirts it in Polowy’s eyes. McGill again chokes out Polowy. Suave: “Polowy’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can she…say, what is Miss USA doing over there with that rope?” Miss USA throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. McGill drives Polowy towards Miss USA. McGill gets another chair. *CLANG* Polowy staggers. McGill pushes him down at Miss USA’s feet. Miss USA loops the rope around Polowy’s feet. She pulls the rope on the other side and Polowy goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.  Polowy’s strung up like a human pinata.” McGill gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Polowy with it. Suave: “McGILL’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. POLOWY’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…HERE COMES LEVEL-ONE!” Level-One runs down and swipes the chair from McGill. *CLANG* McGill staggers backwards. Miss USA makes a run at Level-One. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. McGill gets up and charges again. *CLANG* McGill pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “LEVEL-ONE CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN POLOWY AND I DON’T THINK POLOWY KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!” Level-One guides Polowy back towards the ring. McGill gets up a few seconds later.

Polowy gets about halfway up the aisle and stops.  Kirsta Lewis is now in the ring AMD waiting…with a nail gun at the ready.  The crowd roars.  Suave: “NAIL GUN!  THE HELLCAT HAS A NAIL GUN.  SHE’S BRINGING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY!”  Polowy mouths ‘fuck this’ and heads back towards the locker room.  The crowd boos him incessantly but he continues on.  Suave: “Polowy’s had enough and he’s headed to the back.”  He disappears and then a few seconds later reemerges walking backward.  Then Angels of Death- Angel Casey and Angel Scott, Kathryn Randall Collins, Weathergirl Hallie, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas- all with assorted sundry weapons, follow and herd him back to the ring.  Suave: “HE’S NOT GOING TO GET AWAY! 

Dawn asks for and receives a microphone.  Dawn: “Come on, Mikey.  Kirsta’s putting the nail gun away.  It’s safe for you to come in.”  She grins as Polowy slowly advances on.

The second Polowy gets back in the ring, he executes a flying knee drop to McGill’s midsection. Polowy climbs to the top. McGill gets hit with the shooting star press.  He covers…1 …2 McGill kicks out.

Suave: “Polowy with a stiff right hand!”  Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill fires a left right back at him.”  Crowd: “YESSSSSSSSSS!”  Suave: “Now it’s Polowy with another right hand.”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill with another left!” Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “Polowy!”   Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” 

McGill goes for a slam but she gets picked up and dropped with the fireman’s carry by Polowy.  He follows with a diving elbow smash and stomps McGill’s head.  Suave: “Polowy rakes his fingers across McGill’s back.  Now he goes up top…Flying Tomahawk sends McGill down to the mat.  Polowy kicks in the back of her bad leg. Polowy stands up. Polowy hits McGill with a double underhook piledrive right into the mat. Polowy sends McGill to ringside.  Polowy chokes McGill with a microphone cable.  He releases her and she falls to the floor.  Polowy follows with a fist drop.  McGill retaliates with a sharp elbow to the midsection.  She rakes her fingers across Polowy’s eyes.  Polowy pulls McGill’s hair.  Suave: “They are throwing everything but the kitchen sink at each other!  Watch out…Suplex on the way…wham!”  McGill gets tiger suplexed by Polowy.  McGill moves back to her feet and drives a forearm into the head of Polowy. She pins Polowy against the ropes and chokes him with her forearm.  McGill bounces Polowy off the ropes and sitdown face slams him onto the mat. Suave: “Polowy has taken a lot of punishment in the early going.  But he’s still in there and showing some heart.”  Lockup.  McGill sends Polowy to the corner of the ring.  McGill follows with a high crossbody.  McGill steps back and let’s Polowy get up.  She then hits the ropes and nails Polowy with a huge slingshot somersault splash.  Cover.  One…two…kick out.  McGill slaps on the camel clutch on Polowy.  Polowy powers out.

Suave: “Amazing action.  Polowy with a right hand to the face.  Polowy now drives a forearm into the head of McGill.”  Polowy snaps up the arm and takes her down with a corkscrew armdrag.  Polowy back into the ropes.  High crossbody on McGill. Polowy covers.  One…no…McGill quickly kicks out.”   McGill wraps her hands around Polowy to try for a belly-to-belly suplex. Polowy blocks it and throws her down. Polowy schoolboys McGill …1 …2  McGill again kicks out.  Polowy pulls her up and locks in the abdominal stretch.  Suave: “Polowy is going to try and wear her down.”  McGill manages to escape.  Polowy clotheslines her.  He kicks away at McGill and then puts her in an arm grapevine submission.  Polowy knees McGill and rolls back to his feet. When McGill stands,  he delivers a stiff inverted powerbomb that sends McGill hard to the mat. Moonsault follows. Polowy covers.  One…two…McGill gets out.  She attempts a cradle DDT but Polowy avoids it.  Polowy locks McGill in a full nelson and slams her to the mat. McGill climbs to her feet and uncorks a superkick on Polowy.  Recovering quickly, Polowy throws McGill off the ropes and hits a cross-body block.  He goes to an arm wrench to ground McGill.  She uses her power to rise up; Polowy uses a legsweep faceslam to bring her right back down.

Suave: “Dawn’s not moving as crisply as she was earlier on.  That knee, injured while she was an Army Ranger serving her country in Iraq, simply can’t stand up to the constant punishment.  That’s why Dawn’s never been a full or part time wrestler.  Polowy has fought a very smart match so far.  He withstood the initial onslaught he knew was coming.  And like the Ali-Foreman fight, he was smart enough to let his opponent tire themselves out.  The longer this match goes on; the better for Mike Polowy.  He may be in the driver’s seat right now.”  Polowy continues to grind.  He finds the metal codpiece from earlier in the match and starts jamming it hard into McGill’s bad knee.  McGill tries to claw her way to the ropes.  Polowy yanks her legs back and then stands and slaps on the figure four leglock.  Suave: “FIGURE FOUR!  POLOWY HAS IT LOCKED ON!”  McGill attempts to flip Polowy over and reverse the effect.  Suave: “POLOWY’S HANGING ON…”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis urge him on.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora Salinas shout out encouragement to Dawn.  McGill continues to inch closer to the ropes.  Suave: “BACK KICK BY McGILL!  SHE REACHES THE ROPES BUT HER KNEE IN INJURED…SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP!”  McGill clutches the ropes.  Polowy advances and she takes a couple wild swings that miss.  Polowy kicks at the bad knee and McGill loses her footing.  Suave: “She’s back down and now, Polowy is dragging her to his corner.  This can’t be good.”  Polowy and Level-One put her in the Tree of Woe.  Nemesis hands Polowy a chair and holds on to one leg.  L-1 holds the other.  *CLANG*  Polowy brings the full force of the chair on Dawn’s bad knee.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  SOMEONE STOP HIM!”  Lewis inches into the ring and gets the referee’s attention.  This allows Polowy to continue to whack away at the knee with the chair.  Suave: “STOP HIM DAMMIT!”  Dawn topples off the corner and holds her knee in severe pain.  Polowy grins and motions to Level-One and Nemesis.  They come in and drag Dawn back to the corner and hold each of her arms.   Polowy places her right foot on the lower turnbuckle, then the other.  Suave: “STOP HIM!”  Polowy backs up a couple steps.  Then he charges forward and winds up with his foot.  Suddenly, in a blur his back is on the canvas and the crowd is going crazy.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  SOMEONE JUMPED IN THE RING AND…TESSA?”  ‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin stands over Polowy, oversized pizza box in hand.  Suave: “SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL TODAY.  SHE JUST TOOK POLOWY’S HEAD OFF WITH THE PIZZA BOX!  HOLD ON!  THAT’S LORA KIRK!  SHE’S IN THE RING!  REAR CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  Tessa quickly exits.  Level-One and Nemesis attack KirK.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora leap into the ring and it’s on.  Suave: “NOW TRAVIS WILLIAMS AND CANCER JILES …ANGELS OF DEATH…KRC…ALL THE MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLERS ARE STREAMING IN!  IT’S A FREAKIN’ BRAWL!”  The referee calls for the bell and throws the match out.  A conga line of security personnel run down to the ring as Polowy, Level-One, and Nemesis are overwhelmed by sheer numbers.   Suave: “SECURITY IS OUT TO TRY AND GET POLOWY OUT OF HERE.  MEDICAL EMT’S ARE ATTENDING TO DAWN McGILL.”  Two security people help escort Polowy from the ring.  Valora tries to get at him.  She’s blocked by another security guard.  She grabs his arm and Border Tosses him over the top rope and through the announcer’s table.  Suave: “I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY!  NOW, SHE’S UP ON TOP…”  She moonsaults from the top and splashes Polowy and the two guards.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  VALORA JUST AZTEC MOONSAULTED ONTO POLOWY’S SECURITY GUARDS!”

The scrum moves up the aisle towards the back and clears the ring leaving just Kirsta Lewis and Level One.  They eye each other warily and start talking.  Level One takes exception to something Kirsta said and gets in her face.  Kirsta pushes Level One.  He pushes her right back. 

The flickering of red and gold lights along with the sounds of “Genesis” by Justice blare through the loudspeakers.  The crowd rises again…  Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE…I KNOW THAT MUSIC!  NO WAY!  THEY CAN’T BE HERE TONIGHT!”  German flags flew on the monitor.  Kirsta and L-1 turn and can’t believe what they see.  Bastian von Bismarck and Hans Wilhelm aka… Blitzkrieg Funk walking down the aisle towards the ring.   Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT!  THEY’RE HERE!  THE WWR’S NUMBER ONE RANKED TAG TEAM, BLITZKRIEG FUNK!”  A referee slides into the ring and calls for the bell. 

WWR #1 ranked tag team
Blitzkrieg Funk
WWR #1 ranked Ladies Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and WWR #1 ranked Men’s Level One

Suave: “THIS IS AMAZING!  THE NUMBER ONE TAG TEAM AGAINST THE NUMBER ONE MEN’S AND WOMEN’S WRESTLERS.”   Blitzkrieg Funk bolted across the ring and it was on.  Hans with a double axe-handle down across Level One’s back.  Bastian sparring with the Hellcat.  Suave: “THIS IS UNBELIEVEABLE!……what?  What do you mean we only have a minute left in the broadcast?  You…you can’t be serious.”  Panzerfaust hammers black-taped fists against Level One’s chest.  L-1 lifts Wilhelm and nails the release German Suplex.  Bastian and Kirsta are locked up in a battle royale on the other side.  Suave: “No!  You can’t end it now!  No!  NOOOOOOOOOO-

3 Responses

  1. [...] in common (not sure what principles he is referring to), and Islam’s role in advancing justice. WWR Completely Deranged: McGill v. Polowy plus bonus match – politicalwrestling.wordpress.com 08/24/2009 MATCH 7 EXTREME HARDCORE GRUDGE DEATHMATCH Dawn [...]

  2. That’s some pizza box! Not quite as effective as a steel folding chair.

  3. There’s a road sign inside. Simple but effective.

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