2/27-PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN

http://politicalwrestling.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/poster.jpg?w=468

Friday 3/5: The Ultimate PCW Show on HOTv

Featuring the first match ever in PCW and eight classics on this special two and a half hour show.

Saturday 3/6: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 2009

Featuring the huge  Eight Person Elimination Tag Team Match: MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, and Arianna Huffington vs. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin

Sunday 3/7: PCW/MVW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 2010

The card as of now:

Missouri Valley Wrestling Matches
MVW Television Title Match- Katie Collins (c) vs. the winner of the Carrieanne McDermott/’Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless match this Sunday

MVW Tag Team Title Match- The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill/’Sweet Southern Comfort’ Jackie Daniels) (c) vs. the winner of Angels of Death (Angel Casey/Angel Scott) and Amy Mason/Caroline Kelly match Sunday.

MVW Title Match- Miss USA (c) vs. the winner of Jill-Berg/Corrina Romanov match on Sunday.

Political Championship Wrestling Matches
PCW Television Title Match
- The American Trucker (c) vs. the winner of the SNAFU/Al Cahall match tonight.

PCW Tag Team Title Match- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido/’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (c) vs. the winner of tonight’s Jack Schett/Bull Schett, Public Utilities (Big Oil and Big Electric), and A-Bomb/H-Bomb match.

PCW Title Match- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c) vs. the winner of the Yamamoto Tanaka/Khalid El match tonight.

Plus…

Angry Left Wing Bloggers vs. the Furious Right Wing Bloggers

PCW Hall of Fame Induction.

It’s going to be a busy weekend as PCW celebrates its 5th birthday at PCW/MVW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.

Political Championship Wrestling

PCW Extreme Political TV (1 Hour)
L.C. Walker Arena
Muskegon, MI
Saturday February 27th
Host: Johnny Suave

Tonight’s card:
-SNAFU w/’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent) vs. Al Cahall (D.W.I.)
-A-Bomb/H-Bomb w/General R.C. Patton (Republican) vs. Big Oil/Big Electric (Public Utilities ) vs. Jack Schett/Bull Schett (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
-Khalid-El (Axis of Evil) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka w/Jill-Berg (Independent)

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Suave: “WELCOME TO P-C-W!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE.  TONIGHT IS THE GO HOME SHOW FOR NEXT WEEK’S WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION PAY PER VIEW!  TONIGHT, STONE CHISM, ESCONDIDO/SCOTT, AND THE AMERICAN TRUCKER FIND OUT WHO THEIR OPPONENTS WILL BE NEXT WEEK!”

[As the lovely Kimber Marshall walks to the ring, the side of the ring apron falls down and this appears...]

The "Miss Me Yet" billboard of former President George W. Bush in Wyoming, Minn., that has caused plenty of buzz

Suave: “IT’S ANOTHER PRO-W SIGN!  DURING THE WEEK, SOMEONE HAD BEEN POSTING THESE SIGNS ALL OVER PCW HEADQUARTERS.  NOW, SOMEONE’S PUT IT ON THE SIDE OF THE RING!”

MATCH #1
SNAFU w/’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent) vs. Al Cahall (D.W.I.)

Kimber Marshall: “Our first match of the night is a one fall, twenty minute time limit.  On his way to the ring at this time, accompanied by Colonel DeBauchery and PCW Hall of Famers The Drunken Luchadors, weighing in at one hundred and ninety pounds, from Las Vegas, Nevada, he’s a member of D.W.I.- AL CAHALL!”

[Cahall strolls to the ring with Colonel DeBauchery and the Drunken Luchadors.]

Al Cahall: “HELLO all of my AL-CAHALL-ICS!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

[Cahall hands Colonel DeBauchery a stack of peeled off beer labels.]

Col. DeBauchery: “Now, THAT’S what I like to see!  We’ve been killin’ off a lot of beers lately!”

Kimber Marshall: “And his opponent weighs in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds, from Norway, Maine and accompanied tonight by his new manager- former PCW Women’s Champion and THE ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin-”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

Kimber Marshall: “FORMER PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION- SNAFU!”

[SNAFU walks to the ring with the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl.]

Crowd: “WEL-COME BACK!  WEL-COME BACK!”

Suave: “A big ovation for PCW’s Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin and SNAFU comes to the ring.  The winner of this match will face The American Trucker for the PCW Television Title next week at Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 2010.”

[The bell sounds.  SNAFU and Cahall shake hands in the middle of the ring.]

Suave: “And here we go.  Lock up in the middle of the ring.  SNAFU with the armbar.  Cahall reverses and takes his own armbar.  Whip into the ropes.  SNAFU ducks through.”

[Cahall catches SNAFU on the return.  He clasps his arms around the midsection and lifts SNAFU up and over.]

Suave: “Belly-to-belly suplex.  Cahall charges forward…axhandle body block.  Cahall with a back elbow.  Cahall into the ropes…SNAFU ducks.”

[Cahall wiffs on the lariat attempt.  SNAFU gets his arms around Cahall's midsection and delivers his own belly to belly suplex.  SNAFU works Cahall's feet, then crossing both legs over before tucking both legs under its opposite armpit and turns him face-down and steps over him.]

Suave: “BOSTON CRAB!  CAHALL’S IN TROUBLE!  HE’S TRYING TO GET TO THE ROPES…”

[Colonel DeBauchery steps in and distracts SNAFU enough for him to break the hold.]

Suave: “Close call but DeBauchery makes the save.  SNAFU pulls Cahall and up throws him out of the ring!  Not the place to be with the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl standing close by.  She sets up a table.  SNAFU hammers Cahall with right hands.  Side headlock by SNAFU…DDT THROUGH THE TABLE!  HOLY CRAP!”

[Cahall lies in the ruins of the table.  He tries to get up but SNAFU sends him back down with a clothesline.]

Suave: “Colonel DeBauchery coming around.  Tessa’s got her pizza box of doom ready.  SNAFU takes Cahall back into the ring.  SNAFU takes Cahall by the back of the head and bulldogs him.  Tessa throws SNAFU a chair!”

[*WHAP*  Cahall staggers}

Suave: "HOLY CRAP!"

[*WHAP*  Cahall goes down.  SNAFU puts the chair on Cahall.]

Suave: “SNAFU is taking it right to Cahall.  He’s climbing the corner turnbuckle…450 SPLASH!  He covers…NO!  Two count.  But Cahall’s in trouble.  Waist lock by SNAFU.  Belly to back suplex.  Cover.   No…two count again.”

[SNAFU takes Cahall down again with a wicked lariat.  He covers again...another two count.]

Suave: “Cahall again pulls himself up.  SNAFU with the standing drop kick and Cahall falls out of the ring.  SNAFU sets up the chair…”

[SNAFU runs across the ring and propels himself off the chair and splashes on Cahall outside.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  Now SNAFU has a microphone cable…he wraps it around Cahall’s throat!”

[Colonel DeBauchery and the Drunken Luchadors short cut through the ring and attack.  DeBauchery shoulder blocks SNAFU off of Cahall.  The Drunken Luchadors attempt a double splash but they collide in mid-air and land harmlessly.]

Suave: “SNAFU drags Cahall back in the ring.  Tessa Martin and Colonel DeBuachery get into it ringside.  SNAFU’s got a chair…”

[SNAFU surfboards the chair and lands right on Cahall's face.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  ARABIAN FACEBUSTER!  THAT’LL DO IT. COVER…ONE…TWO…THREE!”

[Referee Davey Keels calls for the bell.  Kimber Marshall climbs into the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: “The winner at four minutes, fifteen seconds- SNAFU!”

Suave: “NEXT WEEK, IT’S SNAFU GETTING A SHOT AT REGAINING THE PCW TELEVISION TITLE AGAINST THE AMERICAN TRUCKER!”

——————–

BACKSTAGE

[PCW Champion 'The One Man Hollywood A-List' Stone Chism is talking with the President of the PCW Competition Committee Nancy Pelosi.]

Chism: “Look, you have to promise me this.  No matter what happens tonight in the Khalid-El/Tanaka match, you will not force me to wrestle both of them next week.”

Pelosi: “Stone, you have my word.  We will do everything-”

The "Miss Me Yet" billboard of former President George W. Bush in Wyoming, Minn., that has caused plenty of buzz

Pelosi: “Oh, son of a bitch.  HARRY!”

[Harry Reid toddles out.]

Pelosi: “What the…”

Reid: “Someone’s been putting them up all over backstage.”

[Pelosi reaches up and tears down the sign.]

Pelosi: “I want them all down NOW!”

Reid: “Yes, ma’am.”

Pelosi: “Okay, where were we?  Oh, we will do everything in our power to make certain that next week’s match is a straight one on one affair.”

Chism: “Good.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to plan for later tonight.”

——————–

Suave: “Earlier this week, Republicans and Democrats sat down with PCW CEO Barack Obama to try to work out an agreement for Health Insurance here at PCW.”

REPLAY: Various remarks from summit

Lamar Alexander (R) : “Mr. CEO, renounce this idea of going back to the PCW Executive Committee and jamming through on a vote through a little-used process we call reconciliation. You can say that this process has been used before, and that would be right. But it’s never been used for anything like this.’’

President of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D): “Now, we as leaders here, the speaker and I, have not talked about doing reconciliation as the only way out of all this. Of course it’s not the only way out.”

PCW CEO Obama: “I think most PCW workers think that a majority vote makes sense.’’

John McCain (R): “Both of us during the campaign promised change. . . . Unfortunately, this product was not produced in that fashion. It was produced behind closed doors. It was produced with unsavory – I say that with respect – deal-making.”

PCW CEO Obama: “We’re not campaigning anymore. The election is over.”

John McCain (R): “Well, I – I’m reminded of that every day.”

The "Miss Me Yet" billboard of former President George W. Bush in Wyoming, Minn., that has caused plenty of buzz

Nancy Pelosi (D): “Wait a minute…waaaait a minute!  Son of a bitch!”

Lamar Alexander (R): “We have to start by taking the current plan and putting it on the shelf and starting from a clean sheet of paper.”

Tom Harkin (D): “We spent one year considering a range of ideas from experts from all over the political spectrum.  We’re sinking. We’re drowning, in this country, on health care. An incremental approach is like a swimmer who’s 50 feet offshore drowning, and you throw him a 10-foot rope.”

Paul Ryan (R): “Health inflation is driving us off of a fiscal cliff. . . . This plan does not control costs. This plan does not reduce deficits. Instead, this plan adds a new health care entitlement at a time when we have no idea how to pay for the entitlements we already have.”

Xavier Becerra (D): “The Budget Office, the referee – not political parties, the referee – said that this plan reduces our deficit in the succeeding years.

A key moment took place when representatives of the American Heartland Coalition attempted to gain entrance into the meeting and were turned back.

‘The Queen of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria (AHC): “Once again, the people themselves are locked out of a process that’s gamed to help the special interests of the Republicans and Democrats only.”

———————–

['Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt, Dawn McGill, heads to the ring.  She's wearing a executive style suit outfit and her trademark 4" stiletto heels.]

Suave: “Hey!  This is a surprise.  We’ll come back to see why Dawn McGill is here tonight right after these messages.”

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http://mvwa.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/friday-night-wrestling-banner.jpg?w=468

This Friday night, it’s the ultimate PCW Show with the first match ever in PCW and eight classic matches.

———————–

Sunday 2/28: MVWA 22

With MVW/PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction less than two weeks away, spots and title shots in the pay per view show all come down to tonight’s action.

Sarah Mae Smith makes her MVWA debut against the always dangerous American Pi.

A MVW Television Title shot against Champion Katie Collins is on the line as former TV Champion Carrieanne McDermott faces ‘MVW’s Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless.

Ever since Angels of Death lost the Tag Team titles, they have been on a mission to regain them back.  A major hiccup took place last week when veterans Amy Mason and Caroline Kelly upset the AoD leading up to this match.  Quite simply, the winner gets a title shot at Weapons of Mass Political Destruction; the loser does not.

Finally, the phenomenon known as Jill-Berg faces her sternest test yet as she prepares to meet the talented young Russian Corrina Romanov with the winner going on to Weapons of Mass Political Destruction to face MVW Champion Miss USA.

All this and more exciting action on MVWA 22

Missouri Valley Wrestling

————————–

[Dawn McGill in the ring.]

Dawn McGill: “Hello PCW!  As you know, I’m working over at High Octane Wrestling these days.  I’d like to introduce a new segment here tonight.”

[A sign pops up on the video screen- 'The Testicular Tally']

Replay: 2/18-HOW Turmoil show
McGill motions to the paramilitary men.  They pick Connery up and toss him into the corner.

Dawn McGill: “And now it’s time for our big finale.  Guys, this is 2010.  Not 1910.  Not even 1950.  Every day, women are proving to be just as capable as men are in all facets of life.  Even…pro wrestling.”

McGill holds up the LSD title belt.

Dawn McGill: “So tonight, in tribute to the Maurako’s ‘Whack-o-meter,’ I’d like to introduce something totally new…the Testicular Tally!”

Joe Hoffmann: “The what?”

Angel Casey and Angel Scott pull Connery up to a standing position.

Benny Newell: “If she comes near me, I’m getting out of here.”

Dawn McGill: “Sean Connery, this is your lucky night.  You’re number one!”

Benny Newell: “I can’t look………drink!”

Connery’s eyes widen as McGill’s foot rears back and then…

Joe Hoffmann: “Oh…my…God…”

Connery simply pitches over after McGill delivers a 4” stiletto kick to the balls.

The Testicular Tally counter dings and shows ‘2.’

Benny Newell: “Oh, oh…”

Joe Hoffmann: “You didn’t soil your pants again, Benny?

Dawn McGill: “And now, a message to the Maurakos.  From this night forward, each time one of you slaps a ‘bitch,’ I’m going to relocate the testicles of two guys into their throats.”

McGill drops the mic and leads the Missouri Valley contingent and her paramilitary guard from the ring.

Dawn McGill: “Now, as luck would have it, we have two more candidates this week for the ‘Testicular Tally.’  Gentlemen, bring out number one.”

[Dawn's four man paramilitary guard drag out a man tied up and dressed in a Nike shirt with a bag over his head and lead him to the ring.]

Dawn McGill: “Bring him over here boys.  Now, let’s see who we’ve got here.”

[The bag is pulled off the man's head.  It's golfer Tiger Woods.]

Dawn McGill: “Surprise, surprise.  Well, Tiger.   For completely destroying your marriage by engaging in multiple affairs, dragging your wife through a media circus, and then by staging a press conference where the press were a mile away?  It’s time to add you to the tally.”

[Tiger's eyes widen as McGill winds up and crushes his testicles with her 4" stilettos.]

[The Testicular Tally now reads- 4.]

———————-

BACKSTAGE

[Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid confer.]

Nancy Pelosi: “What do you mean that there’s no Democrat in the Tag Team Match?”

Harry Reid: “There isn’t.  No one was ranked high enough-”

Nancy Pelosi: “Wait a minute…waaaaaaait a minute!  We control the PEO position, the Executive Committee, and the Competition Committee and we can’t get a Democrat in this match.  Unacceptable!  Go find Ranck and Fyle and tell them to get their asses down to the ring right now.”

———————

Suave: “O-kay.  So it looks like Pelosi, who swore she wouldn’t exercise her power like Tom DeLay, is exercising her power just like Tom DeLay.   Ranck and Fyle have no reason to be in a match for a shot at the PCW Tag Team belts.  Let’s go to the ring.”

MATCH #2
A-Bomb and H-Bomb w/General R.C. Patton (Republican) vs.
Jack Schett and Bull Schett w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the extreme German Schnauzer (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army) vs.
Big Oil and Big Electric (Public Utilities) vs.

Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle (Democrats)

Kimber Marshall: “Our next match is a four-way tag team match with a thirty minute time limit.  In the ring already, representing the Republicans and accompanied by General R.C. Patton and Daisy Cutter-Bomb- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb!”

[A-Bomb and H-Bomb acknowledge the appearance of John McCain and Mitt Romney at ringside.]

Kimber Marshall: “Their opponents tonight, Public Utilities- Big Oil and Big Electric!”

[Texas Tex leads Big Oil and Big Electric down to the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: “Jack Schett and Bull Schett…”

[Amiee Allen's 'Revolution' begins to play.]

Wake up! Wake up!
Good morning America!
Rise and Shine.

Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions

[Ron Paul leads Jack Schett and Bull Schett to the ring with their entourage.]

Kimber Marshall: “And last, representing the Democrats, Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle.”

[Backstage, Harry Reid runs up to Ranck and Fyle, both dressed in street clothes.]

Harry Reid: “Guys!  You need to get dressed and get to the ring, NOW!”

Charlie Ranck: “I thought we were off this week.”

Harry Reid: “You thought wrong.  Hurry, the match is about to start.”

Suave: “I guess Ranck and Fyle are going to be a little late for the match.”

[The bell sounds.]

Suave: “Big Oil, A-Bomb, and Bull Schett to start.”

[Big Oil clotheslines A-Bomb and bounces Bull Schett off the ropes and clotheslines him.]

Suave: “Big Oil starts strong.  A-Bomb tags in H-Bomb.  H-Bomb goes right after Big Oil.   Headscissors takeover on Big Oil.  A-Bomb lays the boots to Big Oil.  Double team work going on there.   Now it’s Bull Schett who punches Big Oil repeatedly.  Jack Schett tagged in by Bull.  Jack and Big Oil lockup.  Jack whips Big Oil to the corner of the ring.”

[Big Oil lucks out as he was whipped to his corner.  He tags in Big Electric who's greeted with a diving elbow smash from Jack Schett.

Suave: "H-Bomb with the leg drop on Big Electric.  He tags A-Bomb back in. A-Bomb attacking Big Electric with punches.   Whoa!  Poke of the eyes by Big Electric.  Side headlock now...DDT BY BIG ELECTRIC!"

[Jack Schett hits a lariat on Big Electric.  He lifts him up and then drives the back right into his knee.]

Suave: “Backbreaker by Jack Schett!  Bull’s in the ring now and he’s pummelling the hell out of Big Electric.”

[Ranck and Fyle rush down the aisle.  Ranck slides into the ring.]

Suave: “So it’ll be Charlie Ranck to start for Ranck and Fyle.  OH!  Ranck hits a handspring moonsault on A-Bomb!”

[Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid make their way ringside.]

Suave: “This could get interesting.  Ranck with a DDT on A-Bomb.  Cover…NO!  Two count!  Ranck whips A-Bomb out of the ring!”

[Pete Fyle starts stomping at A-Bomb outside the ring.  Pelosi and Reid get a couple shots of their own in.]

Suave: “Someone needs to get those two out of here before they get hurt.”

[Ranck goes top rope and dropkicks A-Bomb in the back of the leg.  A Bomb is back on his feet.  Ranck leaps up, swings around A-Bomb and DDT's him onto the floor.  Pete Fyle goes up top and jumps off the turnbuckle with the flying bodypress that squashes A-Bomb.]

Suave: “Ranck hits a flying legdrop across A-Bomb’s neck.  Ranck and Fyle pull A-Bomb back into the ring.  Ranck across the ring…”

[Ranck runs across and hits an electrifying flying somersault headbutt on A-Bomb.  He makes the cover.  H-Bomb fights outside with Democrats Paddy O'Kennedy and Mark Ditka.  One...two...three.]

Suave: “Huge upset!  Ranck and Fyle have eliminated A-Bomb and H-Bomb!”

ELIMINTED: A-BOMB AND H-BOMB

[H-Bomb is furious.  He jumps into the ring and delivers a forearm to the back of Ranck's neck.   He lifts him up and slams him to the mat.]

Suave: “H-BOMB’S SNAPPED.  HE JUST HYDROGEN POWER BOMBED CHARLIE RANCK!”

[H-Bomb kicks Big Electric in the balls.  He lifts him up and drives him to the mat.]

Suave: “ANOTHER HYDROGEN POWER BOMB FROM H-BOMB!”

[In the confusion, J.D. Hayworth runs in and attacks John McCain.]

Suave: “IT’S REPUBLICAN INFIGHTING!  HAYWORTH IS THROWING EVERYTHING HE CAN AT JOHN McCAIN!”

[Hayworth pulls McCain down and throws haymakers.  'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin runs down with a steel chair.  *WHAP*]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  PALIN JUST NAILED HAYWORTH WITH THE CHAIR!”

[Fyle tagged in by Ranck.  Big Electric connects with a flying knee.  Ranck tagged in by Fyle.  Big Electric hits Bull Schett with the back of his elbow.  Big Electric gives Bull a reverse neckbreaker.  Bull hits a springboard bulldog and slams Big Electric's head onto the mat.  Bull is up again.  Bull grabs Big Electric's leg and takes him down, then locks his leg.  Bull rolls and sends Big Electric ringside.]

Suave: “Bull Schett has a chair!  *WHAP*  Big Electric is busted open.  Now Bull deliberately choking Big Electric.”

[The referee tries to break the hold.  Bull lets go and then nails a kick to the head of Big Electric.  Bull puts him a waist lock...Belly To Back Suplex onto the chair!]

Suave: “Big Electric tossed back into the ring.  Pete Fyle starts stomping away at him.  Bull back and he tags Jack Schett in.  Jack sends Big Electric for the ride…nice suplex as Big Electric came back to him.  Ranck on the second turnbuckle…HE drops the elbow onto Big Electric.   Ranck goes for the cover…NO!  Big Electric kicks out.  Fyle going up top.”

[Fyle launches himself, does a backflip and lands on Big Electric.  Ranck covers.  One...two...Big Oil in the ring to make the save.]

Suave: “BIG OIL MADE THE SAVE!  RANCK HAS BIG ELECTRIC…GUTBUSTER.  ANOTHER COVER…NO!  BIG OIL MAKES A SECOND SAVE!  RANCK GOING UP TOP…JACK SCHETT PUSHED HIM OFF!”

[Ranck lands outside the ring.  Jack nails Fyle with a right hand.   He sends Fyle over the top rope out of the ring.  Jack going up top...Horst Schett over and hands him a brick.  He turns around and drops his butt on Big Electric.]

Suave: “SCHETT-BRICK!  SCHETT-BRICK!  COVER…ONE…TWO…THREE!”

ELIMINATED: Big Oil and Big Electric

Suave: “And now it’s down to Jack and Bull Schett and Ranck and Fyle.”

[Jack punches Pete Fyle repeatedly.  Jack gouges Fyle's eyes.]

Suave: “Fyle, who I don’t think is the legal man, is getting abused by Jack Schett.  Watch out!  Monkey flip by Ranck out of nowhere!  Cover…no!  Two count for Ranck and Fyle as they try to get an improbable win here tonight.”

[Jack gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Ranck.  Jack rolls away and tags Bull back in.  Bull rushes across the ring and lariats Ranck.  Fyle in the ring and his has a chair.  *WHAP*]

Suave: “FYLE SLAMS THE CHAIR INTO BULL’S FACE!  BULL IS BUSTED OPEN!”

[*WHAP*  A second chairshot sends Bull staggering into the corner.]

Suave: “Ranck over…standing drop kick drives Bull into the turnbuckle!  WAIT!  Paddy O’Kennedy and Mark Ditka get involved.”

[O'Kennedy and Ditka mug Bull in the corner.  Horst takes off Hans Gruber's leash and sics him on the pair.  Hans Gruber races around the ring and leaps at Ditka, biting him on the ass with his teeth.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HANS GRUBER JUST BIT MARK DITKA IN THE BUTT.  NOW GRUBER IS CHASING PADDY O’KENNEDY AROUND THE RING!”

[Ditka on the ground holding his ass.  O'Kennedy is barely staying ahead of the Extreme German Schnauzer.  Ranck covers Bull in the ring.  Bull kicks out again at two.  Fyle sets Jack up for a dragon suplex but is not strong enough to lift him up.  Fyle picks up a chair and drills Jack in the knee with a chairshot.  Fyle turns to Bull.  *WHAP*  Bull goes right back down.  Ranck with another cover.  One...two...Horst Schett makes the save.]

Suave: “Everyone is involved now.  The referee is losing control of this match!  Horst has a brick!”

[Horst Schett takes the brick and just pulverizes Charlie Ranck with it.  He takes a remnant and then piefaces Pete Fyle.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  THAT BRICK LITERALLY EXPLODED ON RANCK’S FACE!  BULL CRAWLS OVER…”

[The referee makes the count...one...two...three.]

Suave: “THAT’S IT!  JACK AND BULL SCHETT GET A TITLE SHOT!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Kimber Marshall: “The winner at twenty-seven minutes, forty-three seconds, JACK AND BULL SCHETT!”

[Aimee Allen's "Revolution" starts playing again as the Schett's celebrate in the ring.]

—————————–

Turmoil 2/11/2010

  • The Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago IL
  • March 05, 2010 12:00 AM
  • ‘The Violence’ Vince Jones v “Unstable” Elix Michaels
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are Standard Match.
  • The Axis OF Power v Extreme Kaos
  • The referee for this match is Matt Boettcher, and the rules are Tag Team.
  • Faze v Ethan Cavanaugh
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are Invitational Match.
  • Simon Sparrow v Scottywood
  • The referee for this match is Matt Boettcher, and the rules are Invitational Match.
  • Max Kael© v Chris Kostoff©
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are Invitational Match.

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Upcoming PCW Events:
Sunday February 28th @ Marquette, MI- Marquette Lakeview Arena
Monday March 1st @ Eau Claire, WI- Zorn Arena
Sunday March 7th @ Rockford, ILL- MetroCentre
Monday March 8th @ Bloomington, IN- Assembly Hall
Wednesday March 10th @ Cincinnati, OH- Cincinnati Gardens
Saturday March 13th @ Archbold, OH- PCW Hall
Sunday March 14th @ Delaware, OH- Branch Rickey Arena
Monday March 15th @ Wheeling, WVa- WesBanco Arena

————————–

The "Miss Me Yet" billboard of former President George W. Bush in Wyoming, Minn., that has caused plenty of buzz
Nancy Pelosi: “SOMEONE TAKE THESE *********** SIGNS DOWN!”

[Shaun Phillips arrives.]

Shaun Phillips: “You wanted to see me?”

Nancy Pelosi: “Yes!  Get your stuff on.  You’ve got a match tonight.”

Shaun Phillips: “Say what?”

Nancy Pelosi: “I said, get your stuff on.  You’re on in about two minutes.”

————————–

Suave: “So, apparently Nancy Pelosi has added Shaun Phillips to the Khalid-El/Yamamoto Tanaka match…huh?  Hang on…let’s go backstage.”

BACKSTAGE

[The creepy Burger King guy has gone crazy and is trashing the backstage area.  He's already laid out several backstage personnel with a BK tray that's now in pieces.  He about to slam a chair down on another backstage worker when Dawn McGill runs out.  She winds up and nails the creepy BK guy in the balls.  He falls to the ground, but still has the creepy smile on his face.

The Testicular Tally now reads '6']

Suave: “Well.  That was creepy.”

Kimber Marshall: “This next match is a one fall, thirty minute time limit.  Coming to the ring first from Tehran, Iran-”

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Kimber Marshall: “…accompanied by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Axis of Evil, weighing at 325 pounds, he is KHALID-EL!”

[Ahmadinejad leads Khalid-El and the rest of the AoE (Byung Hyung Kang and Kim Soon-Il, Fernando Venezuela and Hugo Chavez, Fatima, and Soon Ye) to the ring.]

Kimber Marshall: “Our second contestant weighs in at 230 pounds from Gainesville, Florida.  Representing the Democrats- SHAUN PHILLIPS!”

[Phillips runs down in a pair of jeans and wrestling shoes followed by Pelosi and Reid.]

Suave: “It looks like Shaun had to mix and match his wardrobe tonight.”

Kimber Marshall: “And finally, our third contestant is led to the ring by…”

The "Miss Me Yet" billboard of former President George W. Bush in Wyoming, Minn., that has caused plenty of buzz
Nancy Pelosi: “DAMMIT!”THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

[The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.]

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

[The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her bodyguard- Reika, and her male assistant Jerry in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.]

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

[The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.]

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.]

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[The four bodyguards assist Ms. Berg into the ring. She and her assistant immediately go to a corner.]

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

[Berg continues to talk on her cell phone while protected by two of the bodybuilders.]

“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”

Kimber Marshall: “…JILL-BERG!  Weighing in at 350 pounds from Nagano, Japan.  He is Yamamoto Tanaka!”

[Tanaka deliberately makes his way to the ring followed by an EMT squad.]

Suave: “The winner of this match gets a shot at the PCW title!  The crowd is on their feet!”

[The bell sounds.]

Suave: “Tanaka out quickly and decks Phillips with a lariat.  Khalid-El throws some forearms to Tanaka’s back.  Tanaka sends Khalid-El to the corner.  Phillips sneaks in and tries for an atomic drop…bad idea.”

[Tanaka backhands Phillips.  Khalid-El sets up a chair...Khalid-El grabs Tanaka...Gut Wrench Suplex on the chair!  Khalid-El wraps his hands around Tanaka's throat.]

Suave: “Blatant chokehold!”

[Reika in the ring with a kendo stick.  She swings underneath Khalid-El upward and nails him in the balls.  Khalid-El holds his groin area and falls backwards.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  PHILLIPS FOR THE PIN!”

[Even in extreme pain, Khalid-El easily kicks out and sends Phillips across the ring.  Jill-Berg looks around and then snaps off a spinning heel kick that turns Phillips's head.]

Suave: “WHOA!  DID YOU SEE THAT?”

[Reika sets up a table inside the ring.  Tanaka lifts Phillips up and powerbombs him through the table.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  GOOD NIGHT!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

[Tanaka drags Phillips up to the top turnbuckle and sets him up.]

Suave: “NO!  TANAKA’S GOT HIM SET…GET THE EMT’S READY!”

[Tanaka bends Phillips forward against his midsection.  He grabs around Phillips's midsection and latches on to his back, with his head to one side of Phillips's hips and keeping his legs around Phillips's head.  From the top rope, Tanaka pushes off the turnbuckle with his legs and flips Phillips over.  As both wrestlers flip Tanaka uses his body weight to land in a seated position driving Phillips's head down to the mat between his thighs.]

Suave: “JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER!  JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER!  GAME OVER!”

[Tanaka sticks his foot on Phillips's chest.  The referee makes the three count and then quickly checks on Phillips.]

ELIMINATED: Shaun Phillips

Suave: “PHILLIPS IS OKAY BUT TANAKA TOOK HIM OUT OF THE MATCH!…WATCH OUT!”

[Khalid-El grabs a chair and smashes Tanaka over the head with it!  Tanaka is hurt!!]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  TANAKA NEVER SAW THAT COMING!”

[Khalid-El hooks Tanaka in the abdominal stretch.  Tanaka drives him into the corner and breaks the hold.  Tanaka pokes Khalid-El in the eye with his thumb. Tanaka uses a closed fist on Khalid-El.  Reika in the ring and sets up a table.  Tanaka gives Khalid-El an inverted DDT thru a table!]

Suave: “Tanaka for the pin…NO!  Two count for Tanaka who then kicks Khalid-El in the back of the leg.  Khalid-El back up…standing waist lock…no belly-to-belly suplex on Tanaka into the chair!”

[Khalid-El hooks Tanaka in the abdominal stretch.]

Suave: “Again, the abdominal stretch by Khalid-El.  Again Reika in the ring.  This time she gets cut off by Byung Hyung Kang! OH!  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad just clocked Reika from behind!  Now Fernando Venezuela in the ring.  Ahmandinejad holds a chair in front of Tanaka…Venezuela dropkicks the chair into his face!  TANAKA’S BUSTED OPEN!  Ahmadinejad sets up the chair…Khalid-El grabs Yamamato Tanaka up… Fall Away Slam on the chair!”

[The PCW Champion 'The One Man Hollywood A-List' Stone Chism wanders down with the Hollywood Left (George Clooney, Rob Reiner, Matt Damon, and Tim Robbins).]

Suave: “TANAKA’S IN BIG TROUBLE!  Khalid-El with a Side Suplex right on the chair!”

[Chism and the Hollywood Left attack Jill-Berg, Jerry, and Reika.]

Suave: “WHAT IS GOING ON?  WHY IS CHISM ATTACKING JILL-BERG!”

[Chism locks up with Jill-Berg.  He takes a swing at her.  Berg ducks, drops, and sweeps Chism's leg out from under him.]

Suave: “WAIT…ALL HELL’S BROKEN LOOSE…”

[Khalid-El picks up Tanaka and delivers a bone crunching shoulderbreaker.]

Suave: “JILL-BERG CLEANING HOUSE!”

[Berg hits a spinning heel kick on Chism and sends him flying into and over the steel barricade circling the ring.  Clooney tries to grab her arms.  Berg whips them apart and then gives Clooney a kneelift to the jewels.]

Suave: “Khalid-El with a Northern Lights Suplex directly on the chair!  Tanaka’s out cold!!  I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”

[Right after Khalid-El begins celebrating, Jill-Berg drills him in the jaw with a missile dropkick.  Reika follows with a spinning heel kick of her own.  Venezuela in the ring.  Kang in the ring.]

*opening guitar licks to the Beastie Boys ‘Sabotage’ play*

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suave: “WAIT!”

an’t Stand It, I Know You Planned It
Ima Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can’t Stand Rockin’ When I’m In Here
‘Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain’t So Crystal Clear
So, While You Sit Back And Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My God, It’s A Mirage
I’m Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage”
[Dawn McGill, Singapore Cane in hand, races to the ring with the American Heartland Coalition.]

Suave: “IT’S DAWN McGILL!  AND SHE’S BROUGHT HELP!”

“So,So,So, So Listen Up ‘Cause You Can’t Say Nothin’
You Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button
But yo, I’m Out And I’m Gone
I’ll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

‘Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet, So Don’t You Get Souped Yet
Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage
I’m Tryin’ To Tell You Now It’s Sabotage”

[McGill tackles Kang and starts beating him with the Singapore cane.  The American Heartland Coalition swarm over anything that's standing and the match completely breaks down.]

*flute and clarinet flourish*

[Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Behind Obama, two aides wheel out a banged up portable closet with his Aide de Camp Joe Biden inside.  The referee calls for the bell and security tries to quell the melee going on inside the ring.]

CEO Barack Obama: “ALL RIGHT!  THAT’S ENOUGH!”

[The fracas begins to die down.]

Obama: “In lieu of what took place here tonight, I am forced to make next week’s PCW Title Match a three-way dance!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

[The PCW Champion looks angry.]

Obama: “Next week, it’ll be Stone Chism defending the PCW Title against Khalid-El of the Axis of Evil…and Yamamoto Tanaka!”

[Chism stomps right over to Pelosi and starts gesturing wildly.]

Suave: “YOU HEARD IT!  THE PCW CHAMPION FACES NOT ONE, BUT TWO OPPONENTS NEXT WEEK AT WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION 2010!  THAT IS IT FROM MUSKEGON, MICHIGAN.  I AM JOHNNY SUAVE AND WE’LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK AT THE PAY PER VIEW!”

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One Response

  1. *finishes a Guinness*

    After watching that, I have to wonder if there is any truth at all to the rumor that Bill O’Reilly will enter a cage match with Larry Pratt…

    Would that constitute an emergency?

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