Ohio State President Gordon Gee, ESPN’s Mark May- WTF?

More excitement last night at a PCW House Show at the Dover Arena in Dover, New Hampshire.  Average Joe (American Heartland Coaliton) had just defeated Democrat Jordan Metzger in a singles match.


Average Joe

Average Joe then got on the microphone and lit up college football’s BCS set up.

“Really, Oregon hasn’t done that much this year in terms of quality wins, other than the style points with which they beat [BCS No. 6] Stanford,” Average Joe quoted the Colley Matrix’s Richard Colley, one of the six computer rankings used to determine 33% of the BCS tabulation.  “Who would have thought that we’d be coming to this point in the season and saying [No. 3 Texas Christian] and Boise have played tougher schedules than Oregon? But that’s true.”

This brought out THE President of THE Ohio State University, E. Gordon Gee…

Gee responded to Average Joe by saying, “Well, I don’t know enough about the Xs and Os of college football,  I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it’s like murderer’s row every week for these schools.  As for TCU and Boise State, I think until a university runs through that gauntlet that there’s some reason to believe that they not be the best teams to be in the big ballgame.”

That brought out Boise State’s President Bob Kustra…

…who angrily shot back, “My counterpart at Ohio State’s claim that Big Ten and Southeastern Conference teams play a ‘murderer’s row’ schedule is the greatest exaggeration I think we’ve heard this year in college football.”

Gee responded that the power conferences do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor.

Kustra opened up a sheet of paper and read off Ohio State’s last two schedules- the Buckeyes played Southern California and Miami and a number of mid-majors and directional schools.  Kustra looked at Gee and said, “If you’re not playing the Little Sisters of the Poor, you’re playing the Little Brothers.”  Kustra said he it was hypocritical of Ohio State…Gee corrected him with ‘THE Ohio State.’  Kustra ignored him stated it was hypocritical of all of the major BCS conferences to demean teams like Boise State when most of those conferences refuse to schedule his school.

“Sounds like a great reason to have a playoff,” Average Joe said.

Horrified, Gee responded that the current format to decide a national champion is superior to other options.  “If you put a gun to my head and said, ‘What are you going to do about a playoff system if the BCS system as it now exists goes away?’ I would vote immediately to go back to the bowl system.”

Average Joe called the BCS system a joke.

Gee returned fire, and called a playoff system “a slippery slope to professionalism.”  Gee reiterated that he was dead set against a playoff system and praised the BCS.

There’s a commotion in the crowd and then…


ESPN’s Mark May and Craig James

May and James run down and attack Boise State President Bob Kustra and Average Joe.  Gee cheered them on.

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til’ You Drop blares*


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

The Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs to the ring along with Boise State Kellen Moore and TCU’s Andy Dalton…

…WTF, Moore, and Dalton hit the ring.  WTF grabbed Gee by his pencil neck and chokeslammed him to the mat.

May and James attempt to beg off and back out of the ring.  Their escape is blunted by Average Joe who pushes them into twin lariats by Moore and Dalton.  WTF directed Moore and Dalton to bring in tables and set them up.  Once set, WTF picked up May and powerbombed him through one of the tables.  Then he pulled James up and powerbombed him through the second table.

Democrats and Republicans Choose Leadership

The Democrats announced earlier today that Nancy Pelosi had been elected Minority Leader of the PCW Competition Committee and Harry Reid Majority Leader of the PCW Executive Committee.

Republicans elected John Boehner to be the leader of the Competition Committee, Eric Cantor as the Majority Leader, while Mitch McConnell returns as the Minority Leader of the PCW Executive Committee.

Heath Shuler (D) held a press conference with Blue Dog D (D) and said: “We’ve obviously come off the Democrats biggest loss ever and to go back and put the exact leadership into place is probably not the right thing for our group.”

American Heartland Coalition member Charlie Blackwell…


Charlie Blackwell

…blasted the moves.  “I was under the impression this whole thing was about change,” Blackwell said with the rest of the American Heartlanders nodding in approval behind him.  “But with the exception of Pelosi and Boehner switching positions and Cantor becoming the new Majority Leader, what’s really changed?  It’s the same people.”

Lisa Murkowski vs. Joe Miller 2, Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub: 11/15 PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV (1 hr)
The Former ECW Arena
Philadelphia, PA
Monday November 15th (Taped Monday November 8th)
Hosted by Johnny Suave

Suave is in the ring at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage Alaska. He reviews the Lisa Murkowski-Joe Miller-Scott McAdams match from PCW Extreme Election Night 2010 and announces that the rematch will take place live in 30 minutes.

MATCH #1- PCW Television Title Match
Jordan Metzger (D)
vs.

Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland) (c) w/

VALET: Tequila Sheila

End Match Summary
…Metzger gets a school boy for two.  Worth hits a drop toe hold onto a chair and busts Metzger wide open.  He rolls through for a sunset flip.  Cover.  1…2…Metzger gets the shoulder up.  Worth with a knee to the gut and punches away.  He covers again…1…2…


Road Rage Randy (Triple R)  (D)

…Triple R pulls Worth off.  He springs over the TV Champion and hits an arm drag takedown.   Triple R then kicks at Worth’s arm over and over.  The crowd roars when…


Yamamoto Tanaka and Reika Kisaurgi (D)

…when Tanaka and Reika sprint down to the ring.  Tanaka charges right at Triple R and starts throwing bombs at him.  He gets a double underhook and lifts up Triple R and crotches him on the top rope.  From the top rope, Reika missile dropkicks Triple R to the floor.  Democrat leaders Tim Kaine and Steny Hoyer race down to break up the fracas.

Worth off the top rope with a flying elbow and rolled up Metzger for another two count.  Worth electrifies the crowd with a Burning Hammer and a slingshot senton.  Worth with a school boy and gets a two count.  Tequila Sheila nails Metzger upside the head with a blender shot from the apron and Worth hits the Jake Brake for the three count at 11:01.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland) @ 8:42

Kaine and Hoyer continue to attempt to separate Triple R and Tanaka as they brawl up the aisle.  Suave notes that the Democrats will need to work on some TLC for former 2-time PCW Champion Tanaka as it was a Democrat who cost him the title.

Backstage, Cecil Newton…


Cecil and Auburn QB Cam Newton

…meets with PCW representatives about bringing his son, Auburn quarterback Cam Newton to a PCW show.  Newton informs the rep that there’s no way that his son would set foot at a PCW event for less than a half a million dollars.  In fact, Cecil Newton wants his parking paid for and a generous stipend for coming to a bingo hall in Philadelphia to negotiate.  Newton demands payment and then…

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop’ blares*


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave goes nuts as the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down to the ring with Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore and TCU quarterback Andy Dalton.  Suave notes that it’s Boise and TCU who will probably get screwed out of this whole affair.  WTF grabs Newton by the throat, lift, chokeslam.  Moore and Dalton spray paint their respective team names on Newton.

Back in the ring, ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove…


Karl Rove (R)

…points to his temple to make sure everyone realizes that he’s a freakin’ genius.  Rove says he meant every word he said about the Tea Party not being very sophisticated.  He adds that the ‘country club set’ of the Republican side is very unhappy about the fact that Dick Cheney, a man with a serious heart condition, was booked to face the new PCW Champion Jill Berg (R)…


PCW Champion Jill Berg (R)

…tonight.  Then Rove hawks former PCW CEO George W. Bush’s new book, Decision Points.

Cut to backstage, the Democrats who’ve been provided copies of W’s book throw it in a pile and then set fire to it.

MATCH #2- PCW Title Match

Dick Cheney (R)

vs.

Jill Berg (R) (c) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

End Match Summary
…Berg with a grounded headlock.  ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove and W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad (‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer) finally act.  Card and Fleischer get into the ring and shove Berg off of Cheney.  Perino pushes Berg out of the ring while Dick gets up and staggers to the corner.  Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps in and decks Card, Perino, and Fleischer with a series of shoulder blocks.  Rove motions to the back for help.  Daisy heads up quickly to the top turnbuckle when…


Big Oil

…Big Oil, Big Electric, and Kirk Walstreit run in and push Daisy off the top rope through a table just outside the ring.  And now it’s on.  The crowd stands and cheers when…


‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) and the ‘Delaware Diva’ Christine O’Donnell (R)

…lead the Tea Party (‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness Andrea Doria, Nic Koteen, Average Joe, NRA, Al Cahall, Grizzly Adam, and Hunter the Hunter) down to the ring.  Koteen hits a missile dropkick on Walstreit.  Big Electric charges Average Joe and somehow Joe’s able to backdrop the big guy to the floor from the ring apron! Suave:  “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil sends NRA and Cahall into the steel steps and then drops Grizzly Adam over the guardrail.  Republican leaders Michael Steele and Eric Cantor frantically climb into the ring and try to quell the battle.   Big Oil throws Hunter the Hunter over the guardrail and plays to the crowd booing as he takes too much time.  Palin sneaks in from behind and cracks Big Oil across the back with her hockey stick.  Big Oil turns and grabs Palin by the neck and then Christine O’Donnell connects with a huge elbow to his nether regions.  Average Joe follows with a chairshot to Big Oil and drops him.

WINNER: No contest @ 3:40

Suave then introduces a special edition of Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub- live from Bangkok, Thailand where he’s filming a cameo role in the upcoming flick The Hangover 2.


Bill Clinto
n (D)

Clinton lounges in the hot tub and welcomes everyone to another edition of ‘Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub.  He’s relaxing after shooting his cameo.  Clinton asks if anyone gets the irony of him being in a hot tub in a city called Bangkok?  ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin was supposed to be his guest to discuss her latest book, but apparently she now has her own reality show on TLC.   Clinton was hoping that two of the stars in The Hangover II, Juliette Lewis and Jamie Chung, were going to stop over for a few minutes.

After a few minutes of rambling on about the state of the country, Clinton asks one of his aides about Juliette and Jamie coming on to the show.  The aides scurry about and in the end, the only one they can dredge up is…


Keith Olbermann

Clinton is notably deflated at the prospect of sharing a hot tub with Olbermann.  Keith climbs in and they discuss his recent suspension from MSNBC.  Clinton: “Staffers use phrases like “scorched-earth policy” and “totally narcissistic response” to describe how you’ve dealt with criticism of your political donations.”  Olbermann replies he feels misunderstood and unfairly singled out.  Yet he’s buoyed by a wave of support from his liberal fans, who view him as a courageous champion for their cause.

An aide comes up to Clinton and whispers something in his ear.  Clinton smiles and tries to wrap up the interview but Olbermann keeps going on.  He complains that management doesn’t understand that his personal problems was  affecting his work and that’s why he looked angrier on the air.  Clinton politely agrees and again tries to wrap things up so Juliette Lewis and Jamie Chung can join him in the hot tub.


Jamie Chung & Juliette Lewis

But Olbermann continues on.  he laments that some of his own team confronted him and said that his actions had hurt the network and the incoming bosses at Comcast, which will soon close a deal to buy NBC from General Electric, who are a more buttoned-down crowd than he’s been working with.  Clinton nods and again tries to end the interview with Lewis and Chung in the wings but Olbermann keeps going on and on and on…

Suave comes back on and he feels Bill Clinton’s pain.   Murkowski v. Miller- next.

———————

Championship Wrestling Council- Episode 12

Live from the Middle of Nowhere Arena, NV
November 27th, 2010

Match 1
Pure Challenge – CWC Showcase Championship
Alexia(c) (VWF) vs. Tweeder (PWX)
– Tweeder makes his long awaited CWC debut against the sultry Showcase Champion.

Match 2
Fatal 6 Way – CWC Turkey Bowl
Joey K vs. Trey Willett (SHOOT) vs. Scott DiBiase (VWF) vs. Aaron Rupp (TGW) vs. Alex Brooks (SHOOT) vs. TD Alexander (VWF)
– The first ever CWC turkey bowl, the name of the game is not losing. The winner earns a $10,000 purse, while the loser becomes the CWC turkey!

Match 3
Single – CWC Hardcore Championship
Jeremiah Belmont (PWX) vs. Brandon Watkins (PWR)
– Brandon Watkins was victorious over Belmont at Destiny, can he strike twice, this time for gold?

Match 4
Tag Team – #1 Contenders Match
Alexander StarrZoe and Devon Chaney (PrYde) vs. Lucy Johnson and First Degree (CWA)
– In our first of two #1 Contendership matches tonight, Lethal Attraction takes on Starr and The Rage.

Match 5
Single – No DQ
Typhoon Vance (VWF) vs. Black Death w/MDK (PWR)
– At Destiny, MDK screwed Typhoon Vance in his match. Now Vance looks for revenge, but first he has to go through MDK’s partner, AND one of the ninja’s…Black Death

Pre-Main Event
Single – CWC North American Championship
Thatcher Rex (X3) vs. Emma McIntyre (CWA)
– Emma McIntyre makes her long awaited return to CWC, and she hopes to make it a victorious one.

Main Event
Triple Threat – Special Referee – #1 Contendership
Tyler Graves (VWF) vs. Rick Rampage vs. Cobra (6CW)
Special Referee: Jinx
– Three men vying for some World Championship action have to go through each other…and the Champ, who is the referee. Will Jinx call it down the middle? Or will he simply hand select his opponent himself?

———————————–

Lisa Murkowski is already in the ring as Kimber Marshall…


Kimber Marshall

…does the ring introductions. 


Lisa Murkowski (I)

Kimber- Her opponent is in the red corner tonight.  Representing the Republicans- JOE MILLER!


Joe Miller (R)

Suave – We are live at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska for tonight’s rematch between Lisa Murkowski and Joe Miller.  Miller is looking for a little revenge after Murkowski defeated him at PCW Extreme Election Night 2010.

The bell rings.

Murkowski runs right out with a knee to the gut of Miller.

Suave- Lock-up attempt by Miller…he hammers Murkowski down with forearm shots to the back.

Big forearm uppercuts from Miller in the corner.  He lays in more big forearms before following that up with some knife-edge chops.  Miller whips Murkowski across into the corner.

Suave- Miller sends Murkowski for the ride…Murkowski flips over a backdrop attempt and…

Murkowski drops Miller with a dropkick to the groin.

Suave- Murkowski low-bridges him!

Miller fights back to his feet and stops the momentum with a knee to Murkowski’s gut.

Suave- Miller catches Murkowski coming in…rolling Russian legsweep by Miller… into a modified backbreaker!

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Suave- Nice combo from Joe Miller there!  He starts laying in the boots to Murkowski, now…into the ropes…short elbowdrop by Miller.  Cover…he’ll get just a one-count.

Murkowski with a shot to the gut and another, but Miller cuts her off with a knee to the head.

Suave- Big boot by Miller knocks Murkowski against the second rope.  Miller chokes Murkowski across the rope.

Miller talks to the crowd.

Suave- Bad idea.  He can’t give Murkowski time to recover like that.  They trade forearm strikes.  Miller with a whip into the corner…he catches Murkowski coming out with a Bulldog.

Miller whips her to the other side and drops Murkowski with a sidewalk slam.

Suave- Cover….1…………..2………..Murkowski kicks out!

Miller argues about the count.  He tries to whip Murkowski into the corner, but she  reverses it and hits a big boot to the face.

Suave- Murkowski on the offense now.  Boot to the gut…spinning neckbreaker off the ropes!   Murkowksi fires up the crowd and blocks a right hand from Miller!  She whips him into the ropes…back elbows by Murkowski…BIG scoop slam!

Murkowski off the ropes with a HEAVY back senton!! 1………….2………….

Suave- NO!  Miller barely gets a shoulder up!  Murkowski whips Miller into the ropes…Miller ducks the clothesline…HUGE MODIFIED POWERBOMB BY MILLER!!

Crowd- RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Suave- Cover…1……………..2……………..NO!  Murkowski rolls the shoulder just in the nick of time!


Big Oil

And here comes Big Oil with a chair followed by Big Electric, Kirk Walstreit, and Rough Justice- D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their extreme brand of law enforcement.

Suave- IT’S THE REPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT!

Big Oil throws the chair at Miller’s head.  Thrust kick off the top by Walstreit.  All three now stomping Miller in the corner.

Suave- FOUR AGAINST ONE!  Walstreit holds the chair…

Murkowski dropkicks the chair into Miller’s face.

Crowd- PCW!  PCW!  PCW!

W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad (‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer with Dick Cheney) walk to the ring and look very pleased.

Rove points to his temple again to make sure everyone knows that he’s a friggin’ genius.

Suave- Miller rolls to the outside. Baseball slide to the outside by Murkowski.

Miller jumps at her.  She moves and Miller lands throat first on the guardrail.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Murkowski grabs a chair and blasts Miller in the back with it.  Big Oil and Big Electric hold Miller up…Murkowski nails him again with the chair.


PCW Champion Jill Berg, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, and Christine O’Donnell

Suave- HERE COMES THE TEA PARTY!

Berg, Daisy, Palin, and O’Donnell race out with…


‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria


Average Joe

…and Nic Koteen, NRA, Al Cahall, Grizzly Adam, and Hunter the Hunter.

Suave- HERE WE GO!

Rough Justice starts tasering everyone in sight.

Suave- DOWN GOES NIC KOTEEN!  DOWN GOES AL CAHALL!  DOWN GOES GRIZZLY ADAM!

Card, Perino, and Fleischer brawl with Palin, O’Donnell, and Berg.

D.B. Ruff grabs Daisy Cutter-Bomb.  Connor Justice goes to tase her…Daisy moves and Ruff gets tased by mistake.

Suave- Daisy has Justice up…DAISY CUTTER-POWERBOMB THROUGH THE BELL TABLE!

Crowd- PCW!  PCW!  PCW!

Suave- THEY’RE STILL BRAWLING OUTSIDE THE RING.  MURKOWSKI AND MILLER ARE BACK IN THE RING AND THE WEAPONS HAVE COME OUT!

Murkowski is beating Miller with a trash can lid.  Miller lifts Murkowski and crotches her on the guardrail.

Suave- Miller sets up a chair in the corner.  OH!  TRASH CAN SHOT BY MURKOWSKI!…AND ANOTHER!

Sarah Palin climbs into the ring.

Suave- SARAH PALIN IN THE RING!

Murkowski turns and clocks Palin with a trash can shot.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Murkowski sidewalk slams Palin onto the trash cans.  Miller hits Murkowski in the head with a cooking sheet.  Big Oil hits Miller with a kendo stick.

Suave- YOW!

Chin lock by Big Oil on Miller.  The referee tries to get him out of the ring.  Jill Berg climbs into the ring and she has a special surprise for Big Oil.

Suave- THE PCW CHAMPION IN THE RING!  SHE’S GOT ONE OF THE TASERS…HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST TASED BIG OIL!

Miller fights out.  Rakes Murkowski’s eyes.  Murkowski fights off the chokeslam and runs the ropes.

Suave- Crossbody by Murkowski!  Cover…NO!  Miller out at two.

Elbow in the corner by Murkowski and she throws Miller head first into the chair.  Murkowski puts a chair on top of Miller and goes to the top rope.

Suave- AIR MURKOWSKI ON THE WAY!  BIG LEG DROP ON MILLER!

Murkowski hooks the legs…one…two…Miller kicks out at 2.8.   Murkowski pulls Miller up.  She crotches him on the top and Miller is tied to the tree of woe.

Suave- Oh no.  Murkowski has the kendo stick.

Murkowski hits Miller in the nuts.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Miller tumbles off the turnbuckle into a crumpled heap.

Suave- MILLER’S NOT MOVING MUCH!  WHAT’S MURKOWSKI DOING?

Murkowski leaves the ring and grabs something from underneath the ring.  Then she comes back in.

Suave- WHAT THE- PLIERS?  SHE’S GOT A PAIR OF PLIERS?  WHAT DOES SHE NEED WITH A PAIR OF PLIERS?

Murkowski clamps the pliers on Miller’s balls.

Crowd- HOLY #$#$!  HOLY $#$#!…

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

The referee calls for the bell.

WINNER: Lisa Murkowski @ 20:18

Suave- THAT’S IT!  BUT MURKOWSKI’S NOT LETTING UP.

She bats the referee away and keeps the pliers clamped on.  Sarah Palin, bleeding from a cut above the eye, jumps in and picks up the kendo stick.

Suave- THE ALASKAN PITBULL’S BACK IN THE RING!  *THWACK* HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST FILETED MURKOWSKI’S BACK.  *THWACK*  ANOTHER KENDO SHOT!  IT’S BEDLAM HERE IN ANCHORAGE!  LISA MURKOWSKI GETS THE WIN!  THAT’S ALL FOR TONIGHT!  I’M JOHNNY SUAVE AND WE’LL SEE YOU AFTER THANKSGIVING!

=

PCW Rewind: The Al Franken/Norm Coleman Feud

11/7/2008
PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
Franken and Coleman reach the ring. Suave: “If the last match was a war, I hate to see how this one turns out. Both men don’t like each other. Is Coleman’s vast political experience enough to hold off Franken? Can Franken pull off a huge win and add to what has already been a huge night for the Progressive Alliance. And will we see Sarah Palin again in this match? We will find out in just a…SOMEONE’S RUNNING TO THE RING. WHO IS THAT? THAT’S DEAN BARKLEY THE INDEPENDENT. AND HE CAUGHT BOTH FRANKEN AND COLEMAN COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE. THERE’S A REF IN THE RING…HE’S CALLING FOR THE BELL!”

Minnesota Street Brawl
AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)
vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots)
vs. DEAN BARKLEY (Independent)

Suave: “IT’S NOW A THREE WAY MINNESOTA STREET BRAWL!” Barkley starts the match with a back elbow smash to Franken. Then hard right hands to Coleman’s face. Coleman back into the corner. Barkley blatantly chokes him. Franken clobbers Barkley from behind. Coleman wisely ducks out to the outside to catch his breath. Franken throws Barkley out of the ring and then Coleman slams him into the ringpost. Coleman stomps and kicks Barkley. Barkley gouges him in the eyes. Franken, now out of the ring, throws Coleman into the ring steps and then clotheslines him over the steel barricade into the crowd. Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” They brawl in the crowd. Barkley comes up from behind and plants a steel folding chair over Franken’s head. Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”Coleman tries to go back towards the ring. He rams Barkley into the steel barricade, jumps the barricade, and then slingshots Barkley over the barricade into the ringpost. Coleman went up top and took too long. Franken grabs the ropes and crotches Coleman. He falls back in the ring. Franken hits a leg drop from the second ropes and then bites Coleman’s forehead. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The fans again cheer. Coleman reverses a whip then hits a pumphandle slam. Barkley hits a low, low blow on Franken. Franken somehow gets back up and thumbs Barkley in the eye. Coleman rams Franken shoulder-first into the corner ring post. Coleman rolls up Barkley from behind and hooks the tights. 1…2…3.

DEAN BARKLEY ELIMINATED

Suave: “IT’S DOWN TO COLEMAN AGAINST FRANKEN!” Coleman drags Franken out of the ring and slams him into the guardrail. Franken counters, blocks a suplex, and drapes Coleman across the guardrail. Franken’s spin kick from the ring apron misses. Coleman moves out of the way and Franken crashes right-knee-first into the rail. Quick chair shots in succession leave Franken dazed and wondering what hit him. Back suplex by Coleman. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES SARAH PALIN! SHE SWINGS THE HOCKEY STICK…MISSES FRANKEN AND HITS COLEMAN!” Palin winks. Suave: “THAT’S NOT SARAH PALIN! IT’S TINA FEY FROM SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AGAIN! HERE’S COMES THE REAL PALIN!” Sarah Palin runs in and tackles Fey. They roll around on the floor. Suave: “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!”

Franken nails Coleman with a road sign. He next pulls out a cheese grater and rubs it across Coleman’s forehead. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! COLEMAN IS BADLY BUSTED OPEN!” Franken pulls a ladder from underneath the ring and clocks Coleman with it. Franken grabs a garbage can and drop toe holds Coleman onto it. Cover. Two count. Coleman staggers back up and Franken knocks him right back out with a steel chair. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken puts Coleman on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Franken leaps off the turnbuckle and crushes Coleman on the metal ladder. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken covers. 1…2…3.

WINNER: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)

After Extreme Election Night 2008 ended, this took place…

PARKING LOT- HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON
Al Franken opens up his car door. He starts to get into his car when Norm Coleman slams the door shut on Franken’s left leg. Coleman opens the car door and pulls Franken out. Franken to the ground. Coleman kicks at Franken’s left leg. He kneels down and starts swinging away. Coleman drags Franken up and whips him headfirst into the driver’s side window. Franken staggers back and his left leg gives out. Coleman again pulls him back up and whips him headfirst into the window. Franken slides down the side of the car. Coleman then opens the door and rams it into Franken’s head. Franken is dragged back into his car with his left leg hanging out again. Coleman slams the car door repeatedly against Franken’s leg.

Finally, ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido of the Progressive Alliance tackle Coleman and drive him to the ground.

Does this set up a rematch? We will find out soon enough.

11/25/2008
PCW Extreme Political TV
NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)
Franken is fired up. Coleman sidesteps the initial charge and wastes no time attacking Franken’s bad leg. Suave: “Coleman with kicks to Franken and drives him down to one knee…LOW BLOW BY FRANKEN!” Franken does it a second time. Coleman’s turns white and tips over onto the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Franken flails on him. He pulls Coleman up by the hair and throws him through the ropes outside. Coleman topples out of the ring and onto the floor. Franken on the edge of the ring. Flying elbow. Coleman’s legs jerk up at impact and then slam back down. Franken again pulls Coleman up by the hair. Blatant choke. The referee tries to get in the middle but Franken isn’t letting go. Franken gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Coleman. Franken throws the chair down and again pulls Coleman back up. Chop across the chest. A second one. Franken whips Coleman into the steel guardrail. Coleman flips over the guardrail into the crowd. Suave: “This has been all Al Franken so far.”

Franken is handed a cup of beer. Beer shot to Coleman. Cookie sheet is next. *WHACK* The cookie sheet is bent at a ninety degree angle after Franken uses it. The crowd parts and creates a corridor as Franken pushes Coleman towards the concession stand. Franken throws Coleman head first into the edge of the stand. Coleman finally fights back and pushes Franken away. He tries to fire some shots at Franken. Franken goes hammerlock and then reverses into a side headlock. Coleman reverses into an arm wringer. Franken can’t break the hold so he punches Coleman in the mouth. Franken grabs a squeeze bottle full of ketchup and squirts it in Coleman’s eyes. Franken again chokes out Coleman. Suave: “Coleman’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can he…say, what is Mark Ritchie doing over there with that rope?” Ritchie throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. Franken drives Coleman towards Ritchie. Franken gets another chair. *CLANG* Coleman staggers. Franken pushes him down at Ritchie’s feet. Ritchie loops the rope around Coleman’s feet. He pulls the rope on the other side and Coleman goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.” Franken gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Coleman with it. Suave: “COLEMAN’S STRUNG UP LIKE A HUMAN PINATA AND FRANKEN’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. COLEMAN’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…AND HERE COMES TIM PAWLENTY!” Pawlenty runs down and swipes the chair from Franken. *CLANG* Franken staggers backwards. Mark Ritchie makes a run at Pawlenty. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. Franken gets up and charges again. *CLANG* Franken pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “TIM PAWLENTY CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN COLEMAN AND I DON’T THINK COLEMAN KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!” Pawlenty guides Coleman back towards the ring. Franken gets up a few seconds later. He stumbles towards the ring.

Coleman barely can make it over the steel guardrail. Franken gets his second wind and leaps the guardrail onto Coleman. Again, Franken flails wild punches. Franken pulls him back up. Drop toehold onto a chair. Coleman’s forehead is busted open again. Franken powerbombs Coleman through the timekeeper’s table. Franken stomps on him. He drags Coleman back up and takes him to the ring. Franken rolls Coleman in and climbs the ropes. Coleman gets up. Franken hits a missile drop kick from the top rope sending him right back down. Franken snapmares him into the corner. Huge knee strike. Franken again up top, double axehandle to Coleman. Coleman throws wild punches that miss by several miles. Clothesline by Franken. He covers. 1…2..no, two count. Franken stomps him repeatedly. Franken picks someone up the top turnbuckle. Superplex from the top rope. Cover 1…2…NO! Coleman’s foot is on the ropes. Franken getting a little frustrated. He yanks Coleman back in the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle. Swanton splash by Franken! ONE… TWO…NO! Suave: “I thought Franken got him. But Coleman kicks out just in time.” Franken sets up for the Piledriver, but Coleman rolls through! Franken takes Coleman up top. Coleman fights off Franken. Half Nelson Suplex by Franken! Another cover. 1…2…again, Coleman kicks out. Franken slams his fist into the canvas. Small package by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN ROLLS HIM UP. 1…2…3-NO! COLEMAN ROLLED HIM OVER! 1…2…3! HE’S DONE IT!

WINNER: NORM COLEMAN

Franken stands in middle of the ring in complete disbelief. Suave: “FRANKEN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HE HAD HIM!” Franken stands in the ring with his arms outstretched. Suave: “HE COMPLETELY HAD HIM! FRANKEN HAD HIM PINNED BUT SOMEHOW, COLEMAN ROLLED FRANKEN OVER AND HE GETS THE WIN!” Franken looks over at Coleman. Coleman’s celebrating. An enraged Franken hits Coleman from behind and then throws him head first into the corner turnbuckle. He picks up the chair and jams it into the back of Coleman’s left knee. Coleman falls backward to the canvas. Suave: “FRANKEN’S SNAPPED! HE’S PISSED AND NOW SLAMMING THAT STEEL CHAIR INTO COLEMAN’S KNEE!” Three shots in a row. Tim Pawlenty hits the ring to stop him. Franken blasts him with the chair and sends Pawlenty flying across the ring. Franken throws the chair down and puts Coleman’s leg through it. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? FRANKEN CLIMBING TO THE TURNBUCKLE!” Franken jumps onto the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN’S TRYING TO SNAP HIS LEG LIKE A TWIG!” Coleman grabs his knee and violently writhes in pain. Franken grabs the leg and spins. Coleman: AGGGGGHHHH! Suave: “FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE FOUR!” Coleman slams the mat with his hands. Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO CRIPPLE COLEMAN…HERE COMES THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter hit the ring. Franken drops the hold and slides out of the ring. Suave: “TOO LATE, THOUGH. THE DAMAGE MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN DONE!”

12/18/2008
PCW Completely Deranged
Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch
AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots)
Suave: “All right. The rules are as follows: the first man to climb up and grab the suitcase that’s hanging over the ring wins the match. Pins, submissions, count-outs do not count. Escaping the cage does not count. The only way to win is to grab the suitcase.” Both men inside the cage. Dueling chants of “**** him up Franken” and “**** him up Coleman” start. Immediately Franken attacks. The bell rings. Suave: “HERE WE GO! FRANKEN GOES RIGHT AFTER COLEMAN’S BAD LEG.” Kicks by Franken to the injured left knee. Coleman tries to get out of the ring but Franken yanks him back in. More kicks to the knee. Russian leg sweep by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN IS NOT MESSING AROUND! HE’S GOING TO INCAPACITATE COLEMAN! BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Lamb: “Johnny, that’s pretty violent. Is this the norm for PCW events?” Suave: “Well…yes….HERE WE GO! FRANKEN’S GOT A CHAIR..” *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” *CLANG* Coleman stumbles back and falls through the ropes to the outside right back the announcer’s table. Lamb: “My God. He’s hurt. Should we help him?” Suave: “That’s probably not advisable, Brian…BECAUSE FRANKEN’S CLIMBED THE TOP ROPE….HE BRINGS THE HEAVY ELBOW DOWN ON COLEMAN!” Franken pulls Coleman up and slams him hard into the steel cage. Then into the ring post. Coleman’s legs are rubbery. Again, into the side of the cage. Again, into the ring post. Franken throws Coleman on the floor. He searches underneath the ring and finds a ladder. He pulls it out and then hoists it over the top rope into the ring. Suave: “THERE’S THE FIRST LADDER OF THE NIGHT! CAN FRANKEN CLIMB UP AND GRAB THE BRIEFCASE?” Franken sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring. He takes one step up and Coleman somehow crawls back into the ring. Franken takes a second step. Coleman is crawling right for the ladder. Franken hops down and kicks Coleman. He picks him up and drags him to the edge of the ring. Franken climbs out and then hops off the edge holding on to Coleman’s head and choking him on the top rope. Coleman whiplashes off the ropes and lands on his back. Suave: “COLEMAN’S IN BIG TROUBLE!” Franken back in. He goes for the Figure Four Leg Lock but Coleman kicks him away. Franken tries a second time and again, Coleman boots him across the ring. Franken climbs out to the edge and heads towards the corner turnbuckle. Coleman suddenly gets up and drop kicks Franken off the ring edge into the steel cage four feet away.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN HIT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD ON THE STEEL CAGE!” Now it’s Franken in trouble. Coleman inexplicably ignores the ladder and climbs the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “MISSILE DROPKICK FROM THE TOP ROPE SENDS FRANKEN RIGHT BACK INTO THE STEEL CAGE!” Coleman checks under the ring for something. He has it and goes right to Franken. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! AND FRANKEN IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN! THE MOMENTUM HAS CHANGED HANDS!” Coleman pulls out a second ladder from underneath the ring. He immediately jams it in Franken’s gut. Coleman whirls it around and connects again. Lamb: “Now, are all these weapons legal?” Suave: “Um…yes…*BONK* …SKILLET! SKILLET!” Coleman comes over to the announcer’s table and motions Lamb out of his chair. Lamb stands. Lamb: “What am I supposed to sit on?” Suave: “Here. Take mine.” Coleman takes Lamb’s chair and *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “COLEMAN JUST DRILLED FRANKEN WITH TWO CHAIR SHOTS IN A ROW.” Franken in trouble now. Coleman kicks to the knee. He places Franken leg through the chair. Suave: “HE’S GOING TO DO THE SAME THING FRANKEN DID TO HIM! HE’S GOING TO TRY AND BREAK HIS LEG!” Lamb: “Is that the right thing to do?” Suave: “Well, right and wrong get a little fuzzy in the heat of battle.” Coleman climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Suave: “HE JUMPS…FRANKEN MOVED! HOLY CRAP! COLEMAN JUST KILLED HIMSELF! HE MISSED COMPLETELY AND HIT THE FLOOR HARD!”

Franken crawls back into the ring. Suave: “Franken can’t even stand up.” Coleman also crawls back to the ring. Franken reaches the ladder. Coleman crawls into the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going up. But Coleman is right behind him.” Franken’s about two rungs ahead of Coleman as both climb up opposite sides of the ladder. Franken reaches the top rung first. Coleman’s close enough to where he can start swinging at Franken. Both men try to push each other off the ladder. Franken stands and grabs for the briefcase. Coleman stands and he tries to reach the briefcase. Both latch on to the briefcase at the same time. The ladder suddenly becomes unbalanced. Both Franken and Coleman try to push the other off. Both grab at the briefcase. Lamb: “Isn’t it dangerous for two men to climb up a ladder to try to grab an object suspended in the air?” Suave: “Yes. That’s why you don’t see many ladder- HOLY CRAP! THE LADDER’S FALLING…RIGHT FOR US! BRIAN GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Lamb: “Huh? What?”

Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…“HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “Am I on…hello…okay…THE LADDER TIPPED OVER. FRANKEN AND COLEMAN FOUGHT FOR POSSESSION OF THE BRIEFCASE AS THE LADDER FELL. THE BAD NEWS- THEY JUST DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE. THE GOOD NEWS- SOMETHING SOFT BROKE THEIR FALL. THE BAD NEWS- BRIAN LAMB OF P-SPAN WAS THE SOFT THING THAT BROKE THEIR FALL. I DIDN’T SEE WHO HAD WHAT. THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SORT THIS OUT. THE CROWD IS GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!…HUH?…OH…OKAY…THE REFEREE IS GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER…LET’S GO TO THE RING.” Referee: “Okay. This is what I saw. Norm Coleman had possession-” The crowd explodes. Pro-Coleman and Franken chants erupt. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS BEEN DECLARED THE WINNER! THE REFEREE SAW THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AND CALLED HIM THE WINNER! FRANKEN IS PISSED. HE IMMEDIATELY CONFRONTS THE REFEREE AND HE’S LIGHTING HIM UP! COLEMAN’S OUT OF HERE. HE TOOK THE BRIEFCASE AND LIMPED OUT OF THE CAGE AS QUICKLY AS HE COULD. WHAT? FRANKEN’S CLAIMING THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AT THE BOTTOM BUT COLEMAN TOOK IT AWAY WHEN THE REFEREE CAME! THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SORT THIS ONE OUT. COLEMAN THE WINNER. BUT MAJOR, MAJOR CONTROVERSY AT THE END OF THE THIRD COLEMAN-FRANKEN MATCH. THIS IS JOHNNY SUAVE FOR AN UNCONSCIOUS BRIAN LAMB, THANKS TO P-SPAN…SORRY ABOUT BRIAN…WE’LL HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS AS IT DEVELOPS.”

12/20/08 PCW NEWSLINE

JOINT STATEMENT BY PCW CEO GEORGE W. AND PCW CEO-DESIGNATE BARACK OBAMA CONCERNING CONTROVERSIAL ENDING TO COLEMAN/FRANKEN III THURSDAY NIGHT
As everyone is aware, a huge controversy has erupted over The end of the Norm Coleman/Al Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch. Norm Coleman was declared the winner after the ladder that both he and Al Franken were on toppled over with both men fighting for the briefcase. At that time, the referee determined that Coleman and Franken simultaneously grabbed the suitcase which meant that whomever had control of the suitcase when they hit the ground would win the match. When the referee went over to the announcer’s table, he saw that Coleman had clear possession of the briefcase and called it accordingly.

However, Al Franken strenuously contends that he had possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground and that Coleman took it away from him just as the referee arrived on scene. We have no way to confirm this because both P-SPAN camera covering the event were on the other side of the ring. When the ladder went down, it went down going away from the camera which meant that there was a time period where both wrestlers disappeared from view.

As of right now, the call made on the scene stands. However, PCW will investigate Mr. Franken’s claims and try to locate any evidence that might indicate that he in fact did have possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground. If we can find such evidence, we will overturn the decision made by the referee and award the match to Mr. Franken. We hope to have some type of decision made as early as Tuesday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV.

—————-

FRANKEN/COLEMAN DECISION From 12/23/08 PCW Extreme Political TV
W.:
“All right, y’all. CEO-Designate Obama and I have come out to here announce that we’ve made a decision concerning-” W stops when the bickering going on behind him between Joe Biden and Dick heats up. Biden sticks his finger in Dick’s chest. Dick wags his finger right back at Biden. W: “Um, guys. Do you mind?” Biden and Dick sheepishly walk to opposite sides. W: “As I was saying, we’ve made a decision about the Al Franken/Norm Coleman controversy last Thursday. As you already know, the referee made the call Thursday night that because he saw Norm Coleman with possession of the briefcase, he was awarded the match. However, certain evidence has come to light. Barack? Obama: “Thank you, W. Chris Stellar from the Minnesota Independent came forward with his cell phone camera that recorded what happened as the ladder fell with both Coleman and Franken on it.

CELL PHONE CAMERA ACCOUNT
Coleman and Franken battle. They both grab the suitcase. The ladder becomes unstable and starts to fall. Both men wrestle in the air for possession of the briefcase. The ladder falls directly towards PCW Announcer Johnny Suave’s table. Suave and guest color analyst Brian Lamb from P-SPAN see the ladder falling. Suave dives out of the way. Lamb attempts to cushion the fall. The ladder stops at the ropes and both Coleman and Franken go through the table. Franken clearly has possession of the briefcase. The referee slides out of the ring. Coleman snatches the briefcase away…

Obama: “So, as you can see. We have indisputable proof that Al Franken had possession of the briefcase when both men hit the floor. George W. and I have conferred and we both agree that the only fair thing to do is to award the match to Al Franken.Half the crowd roars. The other half boos. Suave: “THERE YOU HAVE IT! AL FRANKEN IS THE WINNER OF THURSDAY NIGHT’S STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH!” Coleman is pissed. He and Franken begin to talk. It quickly becomes heated. Franken taunts Coleman. Coleman attacks Franken. Suave: “HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Both W and Obama clear the ring. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS GONE BERSERK! HE IS PUMMELING FRANKEN…WAIT! HERE COMES THE PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR- SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT- DAWN McGILL!” McGill and her Singapore cane climb into the ring. She drags Coleman away from Franken. Coleman fights it. McGill Russian Leg Sweeps Coleman with the cane and he falls backwards. Suave: “McGILL TRYING TO BREAK THIS UP. SHE TELLS COLEMAN TO GET OUT OF THE RING. FRANKEN TAUNTS COLEMAN! COLEMAN SNAPS RIGHT UP. McGILL AGAIN PULLS COLEMAN AWAY! FRANKEN CONTINUES TO TAUNT COLEMAN! COLEMAN PUSHES FRANKEN! FRANKEN SLAPS…OHHHH, NO. COLEMAN DUCKS AND FRANKEN SLAPS DAWN McGILL!” McGill’s eyes blaze with fury. She immediately heaves Coleman head first out of the ring. Then she starts slowly towards Franken. Suave: “Al, you just made one of the biggest mistakes ever in your life…and yes, that includes Stuart Smalley- the movie. This gal has sterilized more men with her six inch stilettos than most doctors do in a career.” Backpedeling, Franken tries to apologize. *THWACK* Apparently, it’s not accepted. *THWACK* Franken spins and falls to the canvas. Suave: “Well, I guess Dawn McGill passed her first test as the PCW Security Director!”

—————

For four months, the feud simmered on the back burner. But when Franken and Coleman were brought together to accept an award for PCW’s best feud of 2008…

————

From 4/7/09 PCW Extreme Political TV:

BANQUET ROOM
During the year end PCW awards ceremony for 2008, PCW CEO Barack Obama has just announced the winner of ’2008′s Best Feud’- Al Franken vs. Norm Coleman. Franken and Coleman come up on opposite sides. Obama: “This feud took off at PCW Extreme Election Night and ended with a thrilling, heartstopping ladder cage match in Minneapolis at PCW Completely Deranged. Let’s give these two combatants a hand for bringing some great moments to PCW.” The audience stands up and cheers. Franken and Coleman both acknowledge the crowd. The roaring ovation continues and drowns out Franken and Coleman chirping back and forth at each other. It becomes more heated. Coleman lunges across the dias and tackles Franken…

Suave: “Apparently after all these months and Coleman’s endless appeals to the PCW Competition Committee of the decision on the ladder cage match, they still don’t like each other.”

———————-

Which led to their final match…

———————

4/26/2009
Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch:
NORM COLEMAN w/
Eric Cantor (American Patriots)
vs. AL FRANKEN w/ ‘Rahm-bo’ Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “If you want a recap on how the Franken/Coleman situation came to be, check out yesterday’s PCW Extra with Gina Ramsey for the low-down on this highly volitile feud.” Lamb: “It has been quite extradinary to say the least. We’ve never seen anything like it before and may never see anything like it again.” Suave: “Very true, Brian. Very true. Both men are in the ring and they’re already chirping back and forth at each other. A quick update on Janeane Garofalo and PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Both have been taken to the hospital but it looks like they’re going to okay. I will say this, we’ve seen some extradinary things take place here in PCW. We’ve seen chloroform, hypnosis, tasers, extreme flatulence, weaponry of all sorts, jumper cables, and a powerful drug transmitted by human touch that causes temporary paralysis in the recipient. As extreme as these finishers may seem, we’ve never seen waterboarding used here in PCW. It’ll be interesting to see how this shakes out in the next few weeks.”

The bell rings. Suave: “And there’s the bell. COLEMAN CHARGES! OH! FRANKEN WHIPS HIM INTO THE BARBED WIRE ROPES!” Coleman’s face contorts with pain. Lamb: “Johnny, that seemed almost like a desperation move on Coleman’s part.” Suave: “I agree, Brian. It seems Coleman is incredulous that he’s in this situation in the first place. He’s unestimated Franken from the beginning and now I believe desperation has set in.” Franken overpowers Coleman and pounds away on him. Rahm Emanuel pulls out a metal ladder and throws it in the middle of the ring. Franken sets up the ladder behind Coleman. Suave: “Franken going for a spear…GOT IT!” Coleman flies backfirst into the ladder! Franken gets the ladder and sets it up in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going to try to put Coleman away quickly…WAIT! IT’S TEXAS SENATOR JOHN CORNYN!” Cornyn pushes the ladder over with Franken on it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN HIT THE BARBED WIRE ROPES CHEST FIRST! RAHM EMANUEL IN THE RING. F-BOMB ON CORNYN! EMANUEL GRABS COLEMAN! F-BOMB! EMANUEL DROPS A PAIR OF F-BOMBS AND HELPS FRANKEN OFF THE ROPES!”

Eric Cantor digs under the ring and produces a barbed wire covered board. Suave: “Franken covers. One…two… *WHAP* CANTOR BREAKS THE COUNT! AND HE JUST PORCUPINED FRANKEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE COVERED BOARD…THERE’S EMANUEL AGAIN! CANTOR SWINGS AND MISSES. F-BOMB! F-BOMB!” Emanuel grabs the barbed wire board and grinds Cantor’s face into it. Cantor screams in pain! Suave: “Holy crap! Whoa. Cantor’s face is a freakin’ mess.” Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew arrive and help Cantor to the back. Lamb: “I think Coleman’s fired all his weapons now.” Suave: “And now, Franken has the barbedwire bat. Well, this can’t be good for Coleman.” Franken swings and nails the crotch of Coleman. Lamb: “Yes. I see what you mean. May I?” Suave: “Certainly.” Lamb: “Holy crap!” Suave: “That was pretty good.”

Emanuel is back underneath the ring and he pulls out a 2×4 with barbed wire wrapped around it. Emanuel lights the 2×4 on fire! Suave: “Okay, that’s definitely not good for Coleman.” Franken swings and nails Coleman with the board! Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Coleman’s on fire! EMTs rush in and put the fire out. Franken rolls Coleman over. Suave: “ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: AL FRANKEN

Lisa Murkowski-Joe Miller to Meet Again Next Monday on PCW Extreme Political TV


Lisa Murkowski (I) and Joe Miller (R)

PCW Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today that a rematch, from last week’s PCW Extreme Election Night, between Lisa Murkowski and Joe Miller had been signed for next Monday’s Extreme Political TV.

The match will take place in Anchorage, Alaska and will be live while other matches taped at the former ECW Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania this past weekend will be shown.

Murkowski and Miller had a wild free for all last Tuesday night that included a run-in by the Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin and ended with Murkowski pinning Miller.

Gibbs added that while the level of enmity between both Murkowski and Miller doesn’t quite reach the level two years ago when Minnesota’s Al Franken and Norm Coleman had their epic three match series, he feels that this rivalry deserves a second match.

 

W’s Decision Points, Keith Olbermann’s Back, and Ted Rall Wants to Kill Christians and Tea Partiers: 11/8 PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV (1 hr)
The Former ECW Arena
Philadelphia, PA
Monday November 8th
Hosted by Johnny Suave

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann…


Keith Olbermann

…smirks as he walks to the ring with pals ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, and Rachel Maddow.  Olbermann brags that he doesn’t work for Phil Griffin, he works for all those who stood by him and supported him.  He works to uphold the journalistic traditions dating back to Edward R. Murrow.

Suave: “Oh please…”

Olbermann rips on Fox News.  Maddow calls Fox the ‘broadcast arm of the Republican Party.’

Suave again disagrees and says that MSNBC went Monica Lewinsky all over Barack Obama in 2008 and ran hit pieces against Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and Sarah Palin.

Olbermann then says that Jon Stewart has ‘jumped the shark’ because he puts MSNBC and Fox News on equal footing.  Again, Olbermann calls MSNBC a news organization.

Suave again calls bull#@$%!  He climbs into the ring and calls Olbermann’s self righteous indignation and hypocrisy over the top.   He says Rachel and Keith are making bank, driving multiple nice cars, and living in affluent, white neighborhoods, while earning giant paychecks for their ‘we’re here for the poor’ shtick. It’s amazing how much money there is in that old ‘we’re here for the poor’ chestnut.  Suave says Stewart is mocking their overt hypocrisy.

Olbermann, Maddow, Schultz, and Matthews attempt to shout Suave down. Then the Tea Party shows up.


Average Joe

Former PCW Champion Average Joe walks out with ‘The Queen of Political Correctness’ Andrea Doria.


‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria

Doria is followed out by fellow Tea Partiers NRA, Nic Koteen, Grizzly Adam, and Hunter the Hunter.  A standoff follows. Olbermann calls the Tea Party a group of ignorant bigots and racists.  Maddow refers to the Tea Party as extremists and launches into another rant about Fox News.

Then Ted Rall, supported by MSNBC’s Dylan Ratigan, charges in.  Rall lets loose a rant for the centuries…

Christian fundamentalists, the millennial end-of-theworlders obsessed with the Left Behind series about the End Times, neo-Nazi racists, rural black-helicopter Michigan Militia types cut from the same inbred cloth as Timothy McVeigh, allied with “mainstream” gun nuts and right-wing Republicans, have been planning, preparing, and praying for the destruction of the “Godless,” “secular” United States for decades. In the past, they formed groups like the John Birch Society and the Aryan Nations. Now the hard Right has a postmodern, decentralized non-organization organization called the Tea Party.”

Rall then shouts “Let’s kill some Tea Partiers!” and charges forward…security immediately steps in and drags him and Ratigan out of the building.

After things calm a bit, Charlie Blackwell and Chris Escondido walk down…


‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Charlie Blackwell w/Kenzie Blair-Blackwell (American Heartland)
vs.

Gary Treehugger w/Fern Sequoia and Paddy O’Kennedy (D)

End Match Summary
…Treehugger beats on Blackwell in the corner.  He goes for a bulldog but Blackwell pushes him off and makes the tag to Escondido.  Treehugger follows but runs into a fist. Escondido goes second rope and hits a jumping chin breaker on Treehugger!  Ankle Lock applied, but Paddy O’Kennedy is up on the apron distracting the referee.  Escondido drops the hold and goes for O’Kennedy but he drops down.


Chicago Boss Mark Ditka (D)

Escondido spots Ditka on the other side and hits a Yazuka.  Treehugger recovers and catches Escondido with a chokeslam!  Treehugger pulls him up for a Tiger Driver attempt- Blackwell runs in with a chair and blasts Treehugger with it.  Escondido gets an inside cradle for 3!

WINNER: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Charlie Blackwell @ 8:41

Suave reviews the eleven matches from PCW Extreme Election Night 2010 (winners in bold):

Delaware: Christine O’Donnell (R) vs. Chris Coons (D)

Alaska: Joe Miller (R) vs. Scott McAdam (D) vs. Lisa Murkowski (I)

Ohio: Lee Fisher (D) vs. Rob Portman (R)

Florida: Charlie Crist (I) vs. Marco Rubio (R) vs. Kendrick Meek (D)

Pennsylvania: Pat Toomey (R) vs. Joe Sestak (D)

Kentucky: Rand Paul (R) vs. Jack Conway (D)

Connecticut: Richard Blumenthal (D) vs. Linda McMahon (R)

California: Carly Fiorina (R) vs. Barbara Boxer (D)

Nevada: Harry Reid (D) vs. Sharron Angle (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match: The Kings of Old School: Ricky Michaels/Marty Lane (D) vs. The International Hit Squad: Andy Golatta and Daniel-San (I)

PCW Title Match: Jill-Berg (R) vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)


Paige McGillicutty

Paige McGillicutty has former PCW CEO George W. Bush back with her.  W is hawking his new book, Decision Points, and he’s surrounded by W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad (‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer with Dick Cheney).  Bush defends his choice to take PCW to war and lamented the whole ‘Mission Accomplished’ thing.

McGillicutty then asked W about ‘waterboarding.’  W said that he has no regrets and claims to have used the procedure just once.  W stated that they gained valuable information to protect PCW and it was the right thing to do.

The crowd roars when…


‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Suave takes us back to April 26, 2009′s PCW on P-SPAN show:

Janeane Garofalo vs. ‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
Dick Cheney, carrying a barbed wire covered baseball bat, ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Andrew Card, and Ari Fleischer aka W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad walk down to the ring. Suave: “What the hell are they doing here?” Tessa sees them and backs up. ‘The Mastermind’ Rove points to his temple to make sure everyone in the building knows he’s a freakin’ genius. Card produces a steel bolt cutter and snips off the lock to the cage. Cheney, Rove, etal then go inside. Suave: “THEY CUT THE LOCK OFF AND NOW THEY’RE INSIDE. WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” Garofalo looks up and sees Dick. She immediately jumps up from the canvas and lunges at Cheney. *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! GAROFALO CHARGED DICK AND HE JUST BUSTED HER WIDE OPEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE BAT!” Garofalo on the canvas bleeding profusedly from the forehead. Suave: “WHAT? DICK’S MOTIONING TO TESSA TO PIN GAROFALO?” Tessa bends down to check on her. She uses her shirt to wipe off some of the blood. Suave: “SHE’S NOT GOING ALONG WITH THIS. THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP GAROFALO. SHE’S TRYING TO REVIVE HER.”

Garofalo revives, sees Tessa, and kicks her across the ring. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE. SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO H-…TESSA’S PISSED. Kick to the mid-section. PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! COVER. ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT!”

Winner: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Suave: “TESSA MARTIN GETS THE WIN AND…NOW WHAT? DICK CHENEY WANTS TO SHAKE TESSA’S HAND NOW? IS HE NUTS?” Dick thrusts his hand out to Tessa. Tessa looks around the crowd and gauges their response. Dick: “Shake my f***ing hand!” Tessa’s eyes widen. Then she Pizza Cutters Dick. The crowd explodes. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! TESSA JUST PIZZA CUTTER’D DICK…NOW SHE’S BEING ATTACKED BY W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD!” Card, Perino, Fleisher, and Rove beat down Tessa. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter and former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton enter the cage. Coulter grabs Garofalo and handcuffs her to the side of the cage. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER HAS HANDCUFFED JANEANE GAROFALO TO THE CAGE. AND NOW, ARI FLEISCHER AND ANDREW CARD HAVE BROUGHT IN A BARREL FULL OF WATER? AND A BOARD? Oh…no.” Burton pulls Tessa up and drapes her on the board. Perino handcuffs Tessa’s arms behind her back around the board and Fleischer and Card lower her into the water. Suave: “NO! STOP THEM! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” Lamb: “My God. Are they actually…waterboarding her?” Suave: “WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE, BRIAN?” Suave jumps on top of the announcer’s table. Suave: “DICK, THIS IS WRONG! STOP IT!”

Martin wants to know how W can justify ‘a process of simulated drowning.’  W says no doubt the procedure was tough, but medical experts assured him that it did no lasting harm.

W adds that the Department of Justice and CIA lawyers conducted a careful legal review and the enhanced interrogation program complied with the Constitution and all applicable laws, including those that ban torture.

Cheney growls and tells Martin to go back to Missouri Valley Wrestling where she belongs and stop being such a girl.

Martin gets in Cheney’s grill and tells him even though he claims the waterboarding was lawful, it’s nothing more than a lie he’s trying to perpetrate to each and every one of you and everyone at home.

From behind…


Big Oil

Big Oil, Big Electric, and Kirk Walstreit attack ‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ and lay her out.  Cheney tells them to take her to the back so she can get reacquainted with her waterboard.

This brings…


PCW Champion Jill Berg, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, and Christine O’Donnell

Berg tells them to put Martin down and remind the Establishment Republicans that without the Tea Party the Republicans don’t win last week at Extreme Election Night. 

Spencer Bachus  (R) emerges and lashes out against Palin and the Tea Party for costing the Republicans control of the PCW Executive Committee.

Berg doesn’t back down.  It took me one week into my reign to prove that that was false. I showed the chink in the establishment’s armor when I pinned Yamamoto Tanaka in the ring 1, 2, 3 last week at Extreme Election Night.  Well next week, Dick Cheney, my first title defense will be against YOU.   The crowd roars.  You may think you have a secret weapon, but I have the truth on my side.  And in this ring, Dick, the truth trumps all.   And the gospel, according to Jill-Berg, says the Establishment on both sides has done enough damage to PCW and we’re here to clean it up.

Republican leader Michael Steele and deputy Eric Cantor run down and break it up.  Suave notes that the Establishment Republicans are having some trouble dealing with the new order of things.

Yamamoto Tanaka w/Reika Kisaurgi (D)

Tanaka is still livid over what took place last week at PCW Extreme Election Night.  Before his match against Berg, Tanaka was tasered by fellow Democrats Triple R and Stone Chism to allow her to win the title and make it easier for them to get the title.

A replay of the match then plays.  It was clear from the outset that something had taken place in the back before the match from the sluggish manner Tanaka moved in the ring.  Jill-Berg hit a couple spinning heel kicks to the legs and then put a sleeper hold on the 350 pound Tanaka that sealed the deal.

Reika calls out both Triple R and the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism out.


Road Rage Randy (Triple R) (D)

Chism walks out next with his manager…


‘The Genius’ Stephen Hawking

Reika tells them that Tanaka is going to tear both men limb from limb for costing him the PCW Title last week.  She asks who wants to be first.

Triple R doesn’t hesitate and we’re off.

End Match Summary
…Tanaka connects with an uppercut.  Outside the ring, Reika lands a running bulldog on Chism on the floor.  Tanaka continues with a powerslam on Triple R and covers.  Triple R kicks out at two.  Tanaka takes Triple R to the top turnbuckle and hits the Japanese SuperDestroyer on him.  He rolls Triple R up for the win.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 5:05

Democrats Upset Over Olbermann Suspension; Black Swamp Pirates Take Opportunity to Sing “Ode to Keith Olbermann” Song Again

Democrats congregated at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon earlier tonight to protest the suspension of Keith Olbermann by MSNBC.

MSNBC suspends Olbermann for political donations

“Olbermann acknowledged to NBC that he donated $2,400 apiece to the campaigns of Kentucky Senate candidate Jack Conway and Arizona Reps. Raul Grivalva and Gabrielle Giffords.

NBC News prohibits its employees from working on, or donating to, political campaigns unless a special exception is granted by the news division president — effectively a ban. Olbermann’s bosses did not find out about the donations until after they were made. The website Politico first reported the donations.”

The Democrats became even more incensed when the official house band of Hack’s, The Black Swamp Pirates, took the opportunity to play their ‘Ode to Keith Olbermann’ song to commemorate the occasion.

“Keith, you hit it big at ESPN
But your tenure there came to an abrupt end
I know it seems so silly
They won’t let you in the building
Even when you went back and worked for them again

“Keith, you didn’t let them keep you down
So you traveled on from town to different town
Fox Sports didn’t work out well
MSNBC the first time was hell
Because Clinton and Lewinsky, they both were going down

“But on Countdown, you found the thing that finally worked
So you became more of an overbearing elitist jerk
And now you just don’t care
That to you Fox News looks balanced and fair
And you make good ol’ Ann Coulter, seem almost moderate to us

All right, let’s go now…

(Big Chorus)

“Keith
You’re the hero of the left.
And the cultural elitists
Who think they’re better than the rest
With your furrowed brow
Your mocking smile
Special Comments- so serious and terse
I might be the worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @##hole, in the whole wide universe

All right, everyone follow the bouncing ball and sing along!

“Keith
You’re the hero of the left.
And the cultural elitists
Who think they’re better than the rest
With your furrowed brow
Your mocking smile
And Special Comments- so serious and terse
I might be the worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @##hole, in the whole wide universe
You said, I was tonight’s worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @##hole, in the whole wide universe”

Pelosi to Run for Democratic Leadership Position

Three days after being unceremoniously fired as the Leader of the PCW Competition Committee, Nancy Pelosi (D) has thrown her hat in the ring to become a Minority Leader for the Democrats.

Pelosi trumpeted her achievements during the past four years as the Leader of the Competition Committee.  It is not known if she’ll be challenged for the position or not.

A Peek at 2012?

Is the Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin gunning for a run at the PCW CEO Barack Obama in 2012?  Stay tuned.

Jill-Berg New PCW Champion- Extreme Election Night Recap

Republican Jill-Berg…


Jill Berg

…stunned PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka…


Yamamoto Tanaka

…in forty-one seconds to become the first woman to win the PCW Title late last night at Extreme Election Night 2010.

The match itself was held up for forty-five minutes last night for some unknown reason.  Berg waited patiently in the ring with her personal bodyguard Daisy Cutter-Bomb…


Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)

…and her security detail until Tanaka finally came out looking as if he’d been hit by a truck.   It was clear from the outset that something had taken place in the back before the match from the sluggish manner Tanaka moved in the ring.  Jill-Berg hit a couple spinning heel kicks to the legs and then put a sleeper hold on the 350 pound Tanaka that sealed the deal.

Post match, Triple R…


Road Rage Randy (Triple R) (D)

…and the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism along with ‘The Genius’ Stephen Hawking…


Stephen Hawking

…came out and took responsibility for attacking Tanaka in his dressing room prior to the match.  Both men wanted to take him out because defeating Berg would be much easier and demanded a title shot at the next PCW show on November 15th.

We’ll have more on this story as it develops…

The recap of last night’s PPV (winners in bold):

Delaware: Chris Coons (D) vs. Christine O’Donnell (R)

Alaska: Joe Miller (R) vs. Scott McAdam (D) vs. Lisa Murkowski (I)

Ohio: Lee Fisher (D) vs. Rob Portman (R)

Florida: Charlie Crist (I) vs. Marco Rubio (R) vs. Kendrick Meek (D)

Pennsylvania: Pat Toomey (R) vs. Joe Sestak (D)

Kentucky: Rand Paul (R) vs. Jack Conway (D)

Connecticut: Richard Blumenthal (D) vs. Linda McMahon (R)

California: Carly Fiorina (R) vs. Barbara Boxer (D)

Nevada: Harry Reid (D) vs. Sharron Angle (R)

Also:
PCW Tag Team Title Match: The Kings of Old School: Ricky Michaels/Marty Lane (D) vs. The International Hit Squad: Andy Golatta and Daniel-San (I)

PCW Title Match: Jill-Berg (R) vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
If Berg wins, she will become the first woman ever to be the PCW Champion.  But the road will be perilous.  The National Organization of Women want to stop her.  Does the 95 pound Berg have a sniff of a chance against the 350 pound PCW Champion?

Nancy Pelosi was fired as the Leader of the PCW Competition Committee.

AND Charlie Blackwell (I-American Heartland) got married.

 

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