PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday May 9th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Pulp Fiction Promos
Chris Christie (R-NJ)
How self important would one have to be to become tired and annoyed by people asking if they’ll run for President of the United States. It’s enormously flattering to be asked this question.
I am new here in PCW and if this is how they do things, I will not let this opportunity pass me by- to reiterate again that Chris Christie is not going to be candidate for PCW CEO in 2012.
Out comes ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott.
Scott says Christie should let the crowd make the decision as to whether he’ll join the race in 2012. Florida. Crowd chants “Christie…Christie…” before the voting can even begin.
Christie smiles but again declines to jump into the race.
Big Oil, Texas Tex, and Kirk Walstreit- ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit…
…are out with paper bags. Adding insult to injury, Texas Tex pushes out a wheelbarrow of heaping cash.
Waah…waah…waah. Listen to the people cry about gas prices. Waah…waah…waah. Listen to Democrat Dick Durbin cry about oil profits. Is that you want, to sear my eyes with the mist of your bitter tears. (Big Oil busts out laughing.) You hates that it reflects on you the fact that you’re addicted to your automobiles. You need me. You can’t live with Big Oil. And I’ve exposed you all for the hypocrites that you are. Better yet, I forced all of you to expose yourselves. Desperate, gutless and cowardly. That’s what the 77% of you who said in a CNN poll that Big Oil was making too much money. Thankfully, I won’t have to deal with your malevolence. My eyes may not be burning, but I can still see the burning hatred, the envy you possess. I can see that you are all ugly. As a service, I will provide paper bags for all you wretched people to hide your hideousness. While my face may repulse you, your ugliness offends me.
Big Oil flips off the camera and leaves.
Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio…er…Washington er…???)
A giant magnifying glass makes Kucinich look viewable.
Ha…ha. You’re so funny. Giant magnifying glass. Because you can’t see me. Because I’m short. I get it. You know, if it weren’t for the fact that because of redistricting I’m losing my seat on the PCW Competition Committee, I’d probably think that lame attempt at a joke would be actually funny. But no, here I am out in Washington…state, you morons, to talk to Washingtonians about progressive change in PCW. In fact, I even sent out an email:
“Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), a candidate for President in 2004 and 2008, will be in Olympia on Thursday, April 28th to meet with Thurston County Democrats. The meeting will be in the Washington State Labor Council’s Olympia office (906 S. Columbia St. 3rd floor) from 7-8:30pm. He wants to talk with Democrats about what is going on in both Washingtons,” reads the e-mail.
That’s right, if I am forced to move then I’ll have to move. It’s not like I’ll be hard to find, right honey?
Right, dear. *SMOOOSH*
AAAAAAGGHHHHH! YOU STEPPED ON ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!
Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Extreme Political TV. He sends it to the ring for the first match of the night.
‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky (I)
Plantiff Attorney R Felcher (D)
Before the match starts, R Felcher takes the microphone.
I’d like to say to the smart ass who decided that today was going to be ‘Take a Pratfall Inside a Plaintiff Attorney’s Office, Then Hold Your Neck or Back As if You’re Hurt Day’, it wasn’t the least bit funny. I’m looking for you…and I’m going to sue your ass off for emotional distress!
Shakespeare was f@#$ing right! Kill all the lawyers!
Hrabosky turns and nails Felcher with a stiff left to the mush. Then Hrabosky slaps the crap out of Felcher. Felcher tries to get out of the ring. Uh…no. More left hands by Hrabosky rock Felcher followed by a snap mare and kick. Cover for 2- broken up by Felcher’s brother and partner at Felcher and Felcher- B Felcher. That only pisses Hrabosky off even more. Whip and a corner splash to B Felcher by Hrabosky. Face wash to R Felcher. Running lariat takes B Felcher over the top rope and out. Another left hand to R Felcher. Cover- R Felcher gets his foot on the ropes.
Another whip again, R Felcher ducks the left hand, elbow to Hrabosky…springboard to the top, leaps and eats a wicked left hand by Hrabosky. Cover…1…2…3.
WINNER: Alex Hrabosky @ 4:09
Time Magazine’s Bryan Walsh Interviews ‘Alpha Male and Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon’ Al Gore
A Talk With Al Gore… – Time Magazine
Q: Where is the climate movement right now? Is it still about pushing the message out to the public, trying to build the political will for action?
A: That’s still the model of change that I am operating on. And I’m doubling down on all of my efforts to get the facts communicated as clearly as I am capable of communicating them, and importantly, to communicate the solutions. The great thing about this tool is that it draws people in and it makes the story easier to absorb. Years ago I shifted from making speeches about climate to presenting slideshows precisely because the complexity of the material makes it easier to communicate with pictures. Interactive infographics make it easier still.
Q: Has the case been conclusively made now on the science of climate change?
A: Well, I thought the case was made that Obama was born in the United States…
Q: That’s interesting — you wrote in the 2007 book The Assault on Reason about the increasingly post-truth nature of politics. Is there a way to deal with this on the climate question? Fight it with more facts?
A: Buy the app! As Theodore Adorno said, “the conversion of all questions of truth to questions of power has attacked the very heart of the distinction between true and false.” I thought the [birther] issue was receding when I wrote this introduction, but it’s a clear example of what’s going on. It so closely resembles the willful refusal of climate skeptics to accept the truth of the climate crisis. It’s like the Moynihan quote: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but not their own facts.” For me the [climate change] case was made a long time ago. But the political chapter contains one of the most startling facts about this. [He shows an illustration indicating that 19% of college-educated Republicans believe in climate change, compared to 75% of college-educated Democrats.] That difference is astonishing, and it also echoes the birther controversy.
Memo to Al Gore. The day you move out of your f*&*ing mansion is the day I subscribe to your propaganda on global warming. Your 20-room, eight-bathroom mansion in Nashville consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year. You frequently jet around the world, when not at his monster-carbon-footprint mansion, preaching the gospel of carbon-footprint reduction. You’re a f@#$ing hypocrite-
Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play. The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.
Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…
The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore
The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring. He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.
Gore starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of Average Joe. Then…
Former MSNBC Left Wing Commentator Keith Olbermann
David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell
…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Average Joe. Olbermann urges them on.
ESPN’s Bill Simmons
Simmons pulls Olbermann out of the ring and starts whaling on him on the floor.
Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin (R)
Then the Right Wing Crusaders join in and go after FOK News and Gore. Of course, that means…
Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman (D)
…the Angry Left Wing Bloggers have to come down and make it a full out free for all.
PCW REWIND- Last week on PCW:
Osama bin Laden
See that doorway over there? You step in there and wait.
bin Laden goes to the door and opens it up.
Don’t you want to be surprised? That’s the back way up to the pen. Go through the door and wait for a knock.
That door over there?
That door. Wait for a knock, step through another door, and you’re in. And the virgins will be waiting.
bin Laden goes inside and up the stairs.
Are you ready?
Yeah, I’m ready.
Are you sure you’re ready?
Yeah. Come on. Let’s go.
Okay. Here comes your night to remember!
Suddenly, a trap door opens and bin Laden falls through the floor to the water below. Porky leans over the railing.
How were the virgins?
PCW CEO Barack Obama (D)
Thank you…thank you. I can report to PCW fans, the American people, and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women and children…
Rush Limbaugh (R)
I, me, my, three of the most used words in your media appearance last night, not a single intelligence adviser, not a single national security adviser, military adviser, came up with the idea…not one of them… according to you, had the ability to understand the need to get DNA. This was your message last night. Thank God for you. If you wouldn’t have been there, who knows what would’ve happened.
Sean Hannity (R)
…This isn’t political for me. This is about the safety and security of our country and in that sense, nothing is political. Anyone who does the right thing, I’m on board with. Now do you notice in this case that President Obama acted unilaterally. He didn’t seek out approval from the U.N. or NATO, or even Pakistan. And Pakistan is saying that they violating their sovereignty by killing Bin Laden. That fine — being a conservative, I’m fine with it. It’s exactly the kind of thing we have been arguing and we have been in favor of for years…
The Axis of Evil: ‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El, Byung Hyung Kang, and Fernando Venezuela w/Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- President of Iran, Kim Song-Il- dictator of North Korea, and Hugo Chavez- dictator of Venezuela
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R), Daniel-San (I), and Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
…Daniel-San has Kang in the Cattle Mutilation again! Khalid-El throws Tanaka aside and charges towards him. Biden, still stuck in the ring, gets up and gets crushed by Khalid-El.
BUT…he knocks the Iranian Weapon of Mass Destruction off course and Kevin Scott somehow manages to pull down the top rope, sending Khalid-El over the top. Tanaka has Venezuela up top for the Japanese SuperDestroyer. He hit it!
Kang taps out to Daniel-San…Tanaka rolls up Venezuela and gets the pin.
And that’s your PCW Replay from last week…
Bill Simmons Interview
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews ESPN’s Bill Simmons backstage. Bernstein asks him about his feud with Keith Olbermann. Simmons states that Olbermann’s burned bridges at not one, not two, but THREE different companies. He’s the last person who should be telling people how to act. No one wants to hear it from him. Bernstein notes Olbermann’s response that Simmons has never had a show on TV. Simmons says he wished Olbermann good luck on his new show on Torrent TV…or whatever cable channel with minimal viewers he’s at.
Last week: PCW House Show-Greenville, SC
Pippa Middleton dances in her bra for the PCW crowd.
Suave introduces Pippa again and she comes out and dances on top of the PCW Broadcast table.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 235
HOME: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
w/Herman Cain (R)
and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
RINO- The Wonk Machine (R)
HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 275
HOME: Detroit, MI
Here we go. Lock up and to the mat with a leg lock is Jackson. RINO forces a break, rights by RINO, corner whip and then a reversal and a basement dropkick by the Pizza Delivery Guy takes down RINO. Jackson goes for a springboard- RINO catches him in mid-air and belly to belly suplex. Leg drop by RINO, forearms and then a whip. Elbow by RINO and then up top… Tessa Martin crotches him on the top turnbuckle.
Jackson drivesRINO to the floor. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl again gets involved by nailing RINO with a chairshot on the floor. Herman Cain brings over a ladder and sets it up. Jackson goes up- top ladder elbow drop and RINO curls up in pain. Back to the ring goes Jackson. RINO joins him and eats a couple forearms shots from Jackson. Irish whip into a hesitation tornado DDT by Jackson. Jackson for the cover…RINO kicks out. Slingshot cross body by Jackson for another cover. RINO out at 2.
RINO catches Jackson on a lariat attempt and dispatches him out of the ring. RINO slams Jackson onto the security barrier. Corkscrew leg drop from the barrier by RINO. Tessa over but RINO has the ladder. RINO steamrolls Martin with the ladder and lays her out on the floor. Jackson with a chair- *WHACK* RINO staggers right into a basement dropkick by Jackson. Camel clutch on the ladder by Jackson now. He slams RINO face first into the ladder and busts him open. Again, Jackson slams RINO into the ladder. Then he pulls RINO up and tosses him back into the ring. Leg drop by Jackson. He makes the cover- RINO barely kicks out at 2.
Jackson whips RINO to the other corner. Another whip, reversal and Jackson eats the corner turnbuckle. RINO slams Jackson face first into the turnbuckle. RINO goes for the spear…he MISSES and slams into the corner ringpost. Moonsault by Jackson. Cover…1…2-
Big Oil pulls Jackson and tosses him out of the ring through a table. Walstreit lifts RINO up and spikes him with the Stock Market Plunge.
NO CONTEST @ 8:54
Donald Trump (R)
Trump walks out at the end, clapping his hands as Big Oil and Walstreit celebrate in the ring.
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