Romney-Paul Alliance?: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Wauseon High School
Wauseon, OH
Thursday February 23rd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

At a local gas station
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit are at a gas station refueling Big Oil’s Cadillac Escalade.   Midway through, two masked men armed with crowbars attack.  Big Oil tries to fend them off but he is knocked out with the crowbar.
 Walstreit flies out of the Escalade and tackles both men.  He yanks the mask off of one-…

Suave: HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP!  THAT’S MITCH THOMAS- AMERICAN TAXPAYER!

The other man pulls off his mask-


PBR

Suave: It’s PBRAND HERE COMES CHIEF!


Chief

And then PBR’s manager, Chief, joins the beat down.  Then he takes the crowbar and smashes the windshield out of Big Oil’s Escalade.

–So, after the show got off to a smashing start…yeah, you’re right.  So, after the show got off to an earth shattering…right.

A bandaged up Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit stand in the middle of the ring and demand Mitch Thomas come out and face his fate.  The American Taxpayer walks out with PBR and Chief.  Big Oil and Walstreit don’t even wait for them to get into the ring.  They slide out and the fight is on on the floor.

MATCH #1
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
vs.
Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer and PBR w/Chief

Thomas goes right on the attack but Big Oil easily takes him off his feet.  Big Oil whips him through the air like a rag doll into the steel barricade.  Then Big Oil charges…

Suave: HOLY CRAP!  That’s going to leave a mark…or two.

Big splash on the barricade! 

PBR hurls Walstreit over the barricade and hits a crucifix on the floor.   PBR takes a floor chair and dropkicks it to the back of Walstreit’s head.  

Thomas scrapes himself off the barricade and tries for a hurricanrana.  

–Um…bad move there, Mitch.

Big Oil grabs the American Taxpayer’s legs and drives him down, like the prevailing wages of most average Americans, to the mat with a powerbomb.  Press slam by Big Oil onto the ring post.  Thomas crumples down to the floor!  Big Oil throws him back in.  Oklahoma Driller.  Big Oil sticks his foot on Thomas’s chest and picks up the academic pinfall.

WINNER: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit @ 6:25

–So Walstreit and PBR end up brawling all the way to the back- they never even got into the match.  That left Big Oil and the American Taxpayer in the ring and let’s just say- Big Oil was NOT in a very forgiving mood.

…Big Oil spikes Thomas a second time with the Oklahoma Driller.  Then he climbs out of the ring and pulls out a table from underneath.  He tosses the table into the ring and sets it up.  Then he leaves a second time and pulls something else out from under the ring.

Suave: Big Oil has a can of oil?  What is he doing?  HE’S POURING IT ALL OVER THE TABLE!

He sets it a fire and goes over to Thomas. 

Suave: HE’S NOT GOING TO DO WHAT I THINK HE’S GOING TO DO?

–Actually, yes he is.

Big Oil lifts Thomas…but then the crowd roars…

Suave: IT’S CHARLIE BLACKWELL OF THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION AND HIS LES MISERABLES!

Blackwell and company storm the ring and tackle Big Oil.  Blackwell slugs away on Big Oil.  He grabs a chair and uses the weaponry to drive him the floor.  Big Oil is bleeding.  The Les Miserables throw Big Oil out of the ring.  Blackwell climbs down and grabs a fan’s beer.  He dumps a beer over Big Oil’s head.  Then the Les Miserables crotches him on the barricade.  Someone hands Blackwell a gas can…gas can to the head!  The action goes into the fans.  Blackwell again nails Big Oil with a steel folding chair.  Things become slightly more varied when Blackwell whips Big Oil with an electric cord and strangles him to  PCW chants! 

Eventually, PCW security flocks over and pulls the two apart.

–And now, under the category of ‘what the hell were they thinking?’

COMMERCIAL BREAK- “9/11 Hijacker Mohamed Atta: The New Face of Auto Insurance”

–Nuff said.

–Next, Chris Christie (R-NJ) was in the ring and per his usual style- he didn’t mince words.

Christie: I’m tired of hearing about Warren Buffett.  If Buffett wants to pay more in taxes, then he can go ahead and pay more.  I know I’ve given up any chance for post-gubernatorial employment at Berkshire Hathaway.  So in essence, if you want to give the government more of your money,  Warren- shut the $#@# up and just write the damn check!

–Occupy Wall Street hits the ring to intervene but they’re met by Christie’s Jersey Boyz and it’s on…

MATCH #2
Occupy Wall Street: Nate and Shane w/Adam (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz
: Vinnie and Frankie (R)

…in the ring, Vinnie nails a pair of belly to belly suplexes.  Vinnie covers…Nate kicks out at two.   Vinnie goes for a third belly to belly, but Nate rolls into an inside cradle.  The referee makes it to two before Frankie broke it up. Vinnie comes right back with another belly to belly suplex.  Shane grabs a belt and hits the ring.   He attacks Vinnie until Texas Jack (R) hits the ring with Magnum P.O.’d (R).

WINNER: No Contest @ 4:03

–When asked about his singing, PCW CEO Barack Obama had this to say…

Obama: It’s okay.  I’ve got another five years to practice.

–What is he?  The first American Idol president?  What’s next?  Dancing with the Stars?

–Now, personally.  We’d love to see a PCW CEO step up to the microphone and sing this…

–*sigh*  Perhaps in another 5 years…

–Next, David Brock of Media Matters For America walks out and he’s not happy about Tucker Carlson and the Daily Caller’s recent expose on MMFA.

Brock: This is the darkest day in his life, to be stuck in this dump with a bunch of ignorant PCW fans.  Keith Olbermann commended me on my intestinal fortitude to appear here in redneck central before all you red state losers tonight.  They may not be here in person, but Eric Boehlert is here in spirit, and in fact it was only last night Ed Schultz told me he wanted to see that bow-tied conservative blowhard Tucker Carlson rest in peace.  Rachel Maddow rang me up to tell him he wanted to see Carlson tapping out to the Sharpshooter.  And, in fact, Barack Obama consulted…I mean…he gave me his consent to unleash the biggest can of whoop ass ever seen on Tucker Carlson, and I’ve decided that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

BACKSTAGE
Politically Correct: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor
and Andy ‘The Bureaucrat’ Riley are attacking Carlson in the hall.  They’re joined by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers- Boehlert, Markos Moutilsas, Jane Hamsher (Firedog Lake), and Arianna Huffington.

–Brock’s response seems to be letting everyone else respond for him.

–Then things got more interesting…

Then Politically Incorrect: Al Cahall and Nic Koteen jump PC and the Bloggers.  Then the Fox News All-Stars: Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity join in and it’s an all out brawl.

Carlson pulls himself up.

Carlson: ANNIHILATE THEM JUST LIKE WE SHOULD ANNIHILATE IRAN!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT:
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/ Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
vs.
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/ ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)

we return to the ring, Tanaka crotches Magnum PO’d on the top turnbuckle.  Tanaka joins him there- JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Then, Tanaka returns Magnum to the top rope.  However, A. Tom Bomb (R) and Rick Santorum (R-PA) hit the ring and fires right hands.  A-Bomb pushes Tanaka off the turnbuckle.  A-Bomb mounts and starts throwing haymakers at Tanaka.

Then Texas Jack (R) and Ron Paul run down.  Jack in the ring- leaping side kick to A-Bomb!  Jack climbs the corner turnbuckle…moonsault!  Tanaka drags Magnum back up top again…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER #2!  

Suave: He’s dead.

Texas Jack tries for a hurricanrana on A-Bomb, but A-Bomb grabs his legs and adjusts…ATOMIC POWERBOMB!  He turns to Tanaka…too late.  He’s got the pin. 

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 8:50

Suave: Ron Paul working with Mitt Romney?  Do I detect an alliance?

A-Bomb clotheslines Tanaka.  Leg-drop, standing moonsault!  A-Bomb lifts Tanaka…ATOMIC POWERBOMB ON TANAKA!  Republican officials rush the ring as the show ends.

Republican Contest in Flux: PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Marion County Fairgrounds Arena

Marion, OH
Monday February 20th, 2012

Hello and welcome to another edition of PCW Extreme Political TV recap.   Tonight’s show started off with a super special treat!

Suave: We have a special treat tonight!  The first time PCW has ever broadcast a match from Munich, Germany.  Let’s go to the ring.

MATCH #1
Derek Chisora
vs.
David Haye

watch?v=CH7lK6LZ_5g&feature=player_embedded#!

Suave: What?  That was supposed to be a press conference? Really?

Who knew?

After that fiasco, it was back to Marion, Ohio and the real, first match of the night.  Big Oil vs. Mitch Thomas- the American Taxpayer.  Big Oil was very happy when he came to the ring.

Big Oil: Good news!  Tom Kloza of the Oil Price Information Service that tracks crude, wholesale, and retail prices predicts that we will possibly have RECORD GAS PRICESTHIS SUMMER!  Isn’t that great?

The crowd boos very loudly.

Big Oil: Oh, shut up.  You know that no matter how high the gas prices go, you’ll still fill up the ol’ car and drive.  You’re sheep- and your addiction to your automobiles is going to make me a very rich man this year!

More boos.  Now debris is being thrown in the ring. 

Suddenly, Mitch Thomas- the American Taxpayer runs in with a steel folding chair and blasts Big Oil over the back with it.

Suave: HOLY CRAP!  WE’VE GOT A MATCH!

MATCH #2
Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit
vs.
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Big Oil turns around and snatches the chair from Thomas’s hand.  He smiles and blasts Thomas on the top of the head with the chair and he’s out.  Big Oil puts his foot on Thomas’s throat…the referee counts to 3 and that’s it.

WINNER: Big Oil @ :25

And that was that…or was it?

Big Oil spikes Thomas with the Oklahoma Driller and now he’s in bad shape.  Walstreit kicks away at the American Taxpayer.

Suave: THIS SUCKS!  THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT BIG OIL AND WALL STREET HAVE DONE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!

*Can You Hear the People Sing’ from the musical ‘Les Miserables’ plays*

Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and Dave the Mechanic run down to make the save.

Last week, Texas Jack (R) was screwed over by the Republican establishment at PCW’s Maine show.

Replay: Last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV
Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand.  He climbs the top turnbuckle…SPLASH!    Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?

Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.

Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so.  Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil.  He doesn’t see Tanaka.  HOLY CRAP!

From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad habit with the Scorpion Death Drop.  

Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he makes the count…1…2..3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02

So, Texas Jack (R) responded in the only he knew how.

Texas Jack throws D.B. Ruff of Arizona’s Rough Justice into the lockers in the Republican Establishment’s locker room.  Connor Justice tries to taser him but Texas Jack kicks it out of his hand.  Right hand by Texas Jack.  Then he takes the taser and uses it on Justice.  Security rushes in and Texas Jacks tasers the whole lot of them.

More bad news for Mitt Romney (R) though.

BACKSTAGE
Sheldon Adelson hands a 10 million dollar check to wrestler Magnum P.O.’d (R) to help him advance the Newt Gingrich cause.

So, in a process that was supposed to benefit Romney, it’s clear that four men (Romney, Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum) are very much alive.

Then this little incident took place…

Some guy in the audience is getting ready to enjoy his beer and hot dogs.  Peta from PETA and Politically Correct: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Taylor-Thomas and Soccer Mom (D) confront him and take his beer and hot dogs away.  Then they hand him more nutritous options.  Peta from PETA approves- just like she approves of the North Carolina school that took a 4 year old’s lunch away and replaced it with a state approved cafeteria lunch.

Peta from PETA: If parents are too stupid to properly feed their children the state mandated, nutritious food they’re supposed to, then the schools should take the children’s inappropriate lunch away and make them eat the politically correct food.

Not everyone in the crowd agreed.  Two surprise visitors from PCW past reappeared.

Al Cahall and Nic Koteen aka…Politically Incorrect…run in with beers and brats for the guy.  Cahall decks New Age Sensitive Guy and Koteen chases Soccer Mom from the arena.

Of course, Peta from PETA was not pleased and vowed to make sure that the Federal Government mandates to people what they should and shouldn’t eat.  Suave was less than impressed.

Suave: Swell.

Then ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) made his first appearance since quitting the Republicans.

MATCH #3
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)

vs.
K-Roy (R)

…Scott takes control and hits K-Roy with the Doctor Bomb in the corner.   Scott catches him with a chop block to the kneecap and locks in the Ankle Lock and forces K-Roy to tap.

WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) @ 9:20

So Kevin Scott gets a win in his first match back.  Of course, the big question is with the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka now on the Republican’s side, does Scott go over to the Democrat’s?  Or will he stay Independent?

As PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular draws near, Mitt Romney (R-MA), Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republcan Establishment head to the ring to attempt to reassure supporters the Romney has everything under control.  They even bring out supporter Mike DeWine (R-OH) as reinforcement.

Romney: …so, as you can all see, despite our recent setbacks, we are still on pace to be Barack Obama’s (D-IL) opponent in-…

DeWine attacks Romney out of the blue and then…


A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Suave: IT’S A-BOMB!  AND HE IS ON…

Both A-Bomb and Daisy wipe out Tanaka.  Romney was pulled from the ring by the Establishment and hightailed it to the back.

Suave: A-BOMB LIFTS TANAKA UP!  ATOMIC POWERBOMB!  THIS THING ISN’T OVER BY A LONG SHOT!

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- the novel

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- the book is now available!

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- the novel

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Written by the same demented creators of Political Championship Wrestling and featuring a scene with PCW and a couple of its characters, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is now available on Createspace and will be available at Amazon.com in the next week.

J v. P also will be out on other online book sites soon.

1/20/2008 PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction

Tonight, PCW goes back into the archives for January 2008′s PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction PPV.  The Republican and Democratic primaries were in full swing in late January, 2008 as Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) began their road towards their battle in November, 2008.

===================================

1/20- PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION PPV PREVIEW

Johnny Suave: Good evening to tonights PCW pay per view event- PCW Weapons of Mass Destruction. Let’s quickly run down tonight’s card:

Peta from PETA of the Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) vs. Daisy Cutter-Bomb of Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army (American Patriots)

A huge grudge match between bitter rivals: MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann (Progressive Alliance) vs. Fox News’s No Spin Culture Warrior Bill O’Reilly in an extreme death match

Big Oil w/ Texas Tex and Mitt Romney (American Patriots) vs. Mike the Mechanic w/Sheila the secretary and Mike Huckabee. Both men try to settle an old score once and for all.

Triple R w/Arianna Huffington (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent)

PCW Tag Team Champions Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini (Independent) defend their title against the Green World Order- Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA.

PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance) vs. former champion “Media Empress” Opal Winfree w/Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, and Barack Obama.

Finally, the big one. PCW World Champion “Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. He is…” Justin Sufferable (Progressive Alliance) defends against the former ‘Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes w/ ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain

Suave: Tonight, we’ll also be celebrating the upcoming release of the new novel by J.D. Elder, Loose Cannons and Weapons of Mass Political Destruction. The group that’s about to perform is featured in the novel. Here are the Black Swamp Pirates and their big song, “American Elitist!”

The lead guitarist strums the mandolin intro of “American Elitist.” Then lead singer Junior Jackson takes the mic:

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Don’t want to be smug, self-absorbed, and conceited
Looking down your nose while sipping cappuccino
Push your political views cause you act or hit a high note
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
I guess we’re supposed to listen, cause you’ve got a Hollywood star
Your perks and privilege gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

The band kicks in a hard drivin’ country beat.

So Barbra Streisand, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like Michael Moore, hell, you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide behind the velvet ropes and you can kiss our ass

Everyone inside the barn claps.

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Corporate greed feeds the rich, the rest of us simply bleed yes
Golden parachutes, they protect the big gun
While no one gives a damn about the little ones
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And I guess you’ve got a better way since you drive a fancy car
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

So Rush Limbaugh, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like, Dick Cheney, hell you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide out at your country clubs and you can kiss our ass

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Big money special interests, well they get what they need yeah
One dollar equals one vote, that’s the way the game’s played
While the rest of us watch as our dreams slowly slip away
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And if you’ve got the cash to pay, you get all the fun
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

Hey NRA, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists

Hey you, George Soros, you’d better believe us

Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Spend your cash, buy an election and you can kiss our ass
Hey Wall Street Journal, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Like Rolling Stone, you’d better believe us.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Watch us from your ivory towers and you can kiss our ass

Most of the crowd repeats the ‘kiss my ass’ line at the end of the song.

1/20- PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION PPV
From the Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn, Chelsea, MI. Johnny Suave announcing.

A thunderous ‘PCW…PCW!’ echos through the barn as Johnny Suave and a life-size cardboard cut-out of road-racer Danica Patrick hit the ring.

Suave: WELCOME TO PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION!

The crowd noise increases even more

Suave: We are live at Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn for tonight’s pay per view. I’m Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Danica Patrick. All right, let’s get to the first match. Peta from PETA and Daisy Cutter-Bomb have knocked heads repeatedly the past couple weeks. Let’s look back…

REPLAY- GREEN WORLD ORDER-GREENPETE AND ‘VEGAN’ BROCK COLE LEE vs. RON PAUL’S NEW LIBERTARIAN ARMY- A. TOM BOMB AND HY DROGEN BOMB at PCW Drama In Des Moines
The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Media Matters For America, Eric Alterman, and NY Times Columnist Paul Krugman) rush out to help GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee and quadruple team A-Bomb and N-Bomb. Ron Paul comes to their rescue but the Bloggers fight him off. Politically Incorrect (Nic Koteen and Al Cahall) comes in to help the New Libertarian Army even the odds. Daisy Cutter-Bomb hops out of the ring to help but gets blindsided by a revived Peta from PETA. Peta then jumps on Daisy’s back and knocks her out with chloroform. Taking it even further to the extreme, Peta handcuffs Daisy wrists around the turnbuckle and starts to whack away at her back with a Singapore cane. PeaceNick, of course, is horrified and begins to protest.

Suave: Daisy would get some measure of revenge in New Hampshire the next week…

REPLAY- PETA FROM PETA vs. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB at PCW Mayhem at Manchester
Peta cowers in the corner and tries to escape. Daisy pulls her back in and suplexes her. Daisy stalks Peta. Peta makes an attempt at offense on Daisy. Unfortunately, she’s not a wrestler. Then Peta calls for help. It’s not forthcoming. Daisy hits the ‘Daisy Cutter Power Bomb’ for the quick win.After the match, Daisy handcuffs Peta to the ring post and prepares to return the favor. The rest of the Green World Order immediately run out and take the cane away. Peta is uncuffed. GreenPete holds Daisy and Peta slaps her face. Daisy is again handcuffed to the ring post and this brings out Ron Paul and his New Libertarian Army.

———————

MATCH #1-
PETA from PETA of the Green World Order w/ ‘Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, and PeaceNick (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
DAISY CUTTER-BOMB of Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army w/ A. Tom Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, and Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)

Peta doesn’t want to come out of the corner. The second the bell rings, Daisy charges across the ring. Peta quickly ducks out of the ring and hides behind Lee and GreenPete. The ref starts to count and PeaceNick jumps on the ring apron and complains. The ref reaches eight and Peta reluctantly gets back into the ring. PeaceNick tries to broker a peaceful resolution of Peta and Daisy’s dispute which quickly goes nowhere. Peta runs around the ring. She trips in the corner and Daisy traps her. Peta begs for mercy. Daisy isn’t feeling merciful. She pulls Peta up by her hair and hits a suplex. Daisy quick puts Peta in the tree of woe and N-Bomb throws her a chair to put in front of her face. Baseball slide by Daisy into the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Peta topples off the turnbuckle. GreenPete jumps on the apron and starts jawing w/Daisy. For good measure, Daisy gives Peta her patented ‘Daisy Cutter Power Bomb.’ Suave: “Daisy goes for the cover. One. Two. GREENPETE AND BROCK COLE LEE PULL THE REF AWAY!” The ref gets in GreenPete’s grill. A-Bomb and H-Bomb attack Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete in the ring and in the process wipe out the referee as well. All hell breaks loose.

A-Bomb heaves the Vegan over the top rope. Then he throws Lee over the barricade and they take the fight into the stands. Peta low-blows H-Bomb from behind and GreenPete takes advantage by waffling him with a chair. GreenPete beats down H-Bomb. N-Bomb tries to help but Peta low-blows him as well. Daisy gets her hands on Peta again and whips her into the ropes. Big boot by Daisy levels Peta. Daisy covers again- no referee. GreenPete yells at PeaceNick to set up a table. PeaceNick refuses because it’s too violent. GreenPete throws H-Bomb out of the ring onto the floor. Daisy then jumps on GreenPete’s back and slaps a sleeper hold on him. GreenPete stumbles back into the corner and squashes Daisy into the turnbuckle. PeaceNick then sticks a chloroform covered cloth in her face and knocks her out. GreenPete drags Peta on top of Daisy but there’s still no referee. N-Bomb tries to intervene again but GreenPete hits a running atomic drop and then puts him in the cross-face chicken wing.

In the stands, A-Bomb and Brock Cole Lee battle in the loft. They trade blows. A-Bomb gets the advantage and then hits a running shoulder block on Lee and flings both men over the edge of the loft twenty feet down into a bunch of boxes by the kitchen. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Both A-Bomb and Lee lie in the middle of the boxes and paramedics immediately rush to assist. In the ring, PeaceNick revives the referee. Suave: “Daisy is still out cold! One…two…THREE!”

WINNER: Peta from PETA

After the match, H-Bomb explodes. He pulls PeaceNick off the ring apron and slams him to the floor. Then he lifts him up and Hydrogen Power Bomb him through the bell table. GreenPete hops out of the ring. H-Bomb grabs the ring bell and smacks GreenPete flush in the kisser with it. Suave: “HE’S SNAPPED! H-BOMB HAS JUST GONE OFF!…….oh, crap, I’m getting out of here!” H-Bomb lifts GreenPete and Hydrogen Power Bombs him through Suave’s announcer table.

Suave: Security is trying to get H-Bomb away so the paramedics can look at GreenPete and PeaceNick, too. Lee and GreenPete are supposed to meet the Drunken Luchadors tonight for the PCW Tag Team titles, but I don’t know if they’ll be in any shape after what happened.

The paramedics stretcher A-Bomb, GreenPete, Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick out of the barn.

Suave: All right, our next match is an extreme grudge death match. No introduction necessary for these two because everyone knows they both don’t care for the other. Let’s go to the ring…

————–

MATCH #2-
MSNBC’s KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
Fox News’s BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots)

At the bell, Olbermann immediately rushs across the ring and starts brawling with O’Reilly. Olbermann lands a stiff shot. O’Reilly responded with one of his own. Back and forth around the ring, both men flail away at each other before Olbermann kicks O’Reilly in the stomach and then tosses him over the top rope out of the ring. Olbermann follows and they began brawling outside the ring. O’Reilly grabs a steel folding chair and swings at Olbermann. He ducks in time and the chair clanks off the ring post. Suave: “Wow! The chair bent halfway around the ring post!” Olbermann kicks the Fox News commentator and then sets him up for a suplex on the floor. Suave: “Can he get him up?…YES! Olbermann goes for the early cover…NO! Two count.” Olbermann picks up the bent chair and waffles O’Reilly over the head sending him sprawling back down. He grabs a microphone cord lying on the ground and wraps it around O’Reilly’s neck. Olbermann releases the cord and his opponent flops face first down to the floor.

Out of the blue, O’Reilly connects with a mule kick to the groin. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Olbermann fell and hit his head on the steel barricade.” Chair shot by O’Reilly. He drags Olbermann to the edge of the stage and someone hands him a political placard. O’Reilly wound up and pasted Olbermann over the head with the placard. Then someone hands him a political sign on a wooden stick. The Fox News star snaps it half over his opponent’s head. Adding insult to injury, O’Reilly takes the jagged edge of the broken stick and rakes it across Olbermann’s forehead. Suave: “HOLY CRAP. Olbermann’s busted wide open!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! OLBERMANN JUST RAKED O’REILLY ACROSS THE FOREHEAD WITH A CHEESE GRATER!” A pizza pan just happened to land on stage near O’Reilly. He grabs the pan and bends it in half over Olbermann’s head. Olbermann finds a CD case someone threw on stage and smashes it in O’Really’s face, opening up several small nicks and cuts. Then, O’Really takes a Leonard Cohen record from a man and breaks it over Olbermann’s head. Suave: “WHAT ACTION! THESE TWO SIMPLY DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER AND……HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES LOU DOBBS!”

CNN’s Lou Dobbs runs in with his new book, Independents Day, and starts pasting both men with it. Suave: “DOBBS IS USING HIS OWN BOOK TO TAKE OUT BOTH OLBERMANN AND O’REILLY!” Already physically sapped from destroying each other, Dobbs’s sneak attack leaves both men lying in their own blood on the floor. The referee counts Olbermann and O’Reilly out.

WINNER: Double count out

Mike Huckabee cuts a quick promo about Mike the Mechanic. Huckabee says a lot of people have asked him why he supports Mike the Mechanic. Huckabee explains that he understands that many people have lost their jobs due to the economy. The way that Mike the Mechanic lost his job when Big Oil and Texas Tex bought out Mike the Mechanic’s shop, fired him, and made Mike’s secretary Sheila go to work for them. Huckabee: “I’d rather be the one who works with a Mike the Mechanic than the one who fired him.”

Texas Tex wheels a wheelbarrow full of cash to the ring, followed by Big Oil and Mitt Romney.

Suave: Yeah, these two have had bad blood ever since Texas Tex bought out Mike the Mechanic’s shop. Now, this feud adds Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee and Chuck Norris to the equation. It all started when Norris helped Mike the Mechanic win the big five way free for all in Iowa at PCW ‘Drama in Des Moines.’ Then Texas Tex had the establishment bar Norris from interfering in any sort when PCW went to New Hampshire for ‘Mayhem at Manchester.’ Norris didn’t interfere but Mike the Mechanic busted out some exquisite martial arts stuff and Texas Tex had the referee disqualify him anyways. Last week at PCW Michigan Madness, Texas Tex used his money belt to whip Mike the Mechanic as he tried to get back into the ring. Norris sidekicked Tex and then used his money belt in whip him. Mike the Mechanic was DQ’d again.

George W’s spokeperson, Josh Bolten, comes out to the ring.

Josh Bolten: PCW CEO George W sent me out tonight to make this announcement. George W recognizes that there’s a hotly contested battle right now to determine the next American Patriot nominee for PCW CEO. In the interest of fairness and considering the events that took place at Mayhem at Manchester and Michigan Madness, George W has decreed that tonight’s grudge match between Big Oil and Mike the Mechanic will settle this issue once and for all. George W also has made this a no disqualification match and falls count anywhere in the building.

The crowd stands and cheers. Texas Tex is shocked.

Suave: There you have it! Tonight settles all bets. No DQ. Falls count anywhere.

———————–

MATCH #3-
BIG OIL w/ Texas Tex and Mitt Romney (American Patriots)
VS.
MIKE THE MECHANIC w/Sheila the secretary, Mike Huckabee, and Chuck Norris

Big Oil comes out with clubbing right hands and tries to pound the mechanic through the ring floor. Mike sweeps the leg and then breaks out a barrage of martial arts moves learned from Chuck Norris, who nods approvingly. Texas Tex yells at the referee. Suave: “NO DQ TONIGHT, TEX!” Texas Tex glares back at Johnny Suave. So the tone of the match is set- Big Oil’s power moves vs. Mike the Mechanic’s quickness and newfound martial arts prowness. Huge lariat by Big Oil and then he dives from the top turnbuckle and splashes the mechanic. Irish whip by Big Oil and followed with the big boot to the mush. Mike the Mechanic ducks the second Irish whip and slides between Big Oil’s legs. Then he kicks the ever-living crap out of Big Oil’s knee. Big Oil to his knees; Mike the Mechanic hits a spinning heel kick that snaps Big Oil’s face to one side. Cover for two, the pinfall broken up when Texas Tex hits the ring with his money belt. Mike the Mechanic judo chops the hell out of Texas Tex and drives him to the corner. He takes the money belt away and wants to use it on Tex when Big Oil crawls over and low-blows him from behind. Mitt Romney climbs up on the turnbuckle and clotheslines the mechanic from the top.

Huckabee jumps in and shoves Romney. Sheila races over and clubs Texas Tex with her purse. Big Oil pushes Sheila out of the way and grabs Mike the Mechanic by the throat. He chokeslams him and goes for the cover. This time, Huckabee kicks at Big Oil at breaks the count. Furious, Big Oil backs Huckabee into a corner and then gets his head taken off by a jumping kick by Chuck Norris. Texas Tex screams at the referee. Suave: “TEX! IT’S NO DQ!” Again, Texas Tex scowls at Suave. Romney grabs the money belt and leaps on Norris’s back to try and choke him out. Bad idea. Norris flips Romney over his head and he lands hard on his back. Huckabee then drags Romney out of the ring. In the meantime, Sheila pushes Mike the Mechanic over to where Big Oil lies. Referee covers. One…two… Texas Tex swoops in and pulls the referee off. Sheila picks up the money belt and swings it, catching Tex flush in the face. Mike the Mechanic covers again. One…two…three.

WINNER: Mike the Mechanic w/Sheila the secretary, Mike Huckabee, and Chuck Norris

There’s a celebration in the ring. Texas Tex grabs his money belt and rolls out of the ring. Suave: “A HUGE WIN FOR ‘EVERYMAN’ MIKE THE MECHANIC! HE- OWWW!” Texas Tex attacks Johnny Suave with the belt and busts him open. Tex pulls Suave off his chair and continues to assault him. Big Oil picks Suave up and power bombs him through the announcer’s table. Security comes down and finally drags Tex and Big Oil to the back. PCW owner Bubba Jackson comes down and helps Suave to the back. Former plant worker Earl Fletcher then comes down and takes over the broadcast play by play.

BACKSTAGE
Chuck Norris reaches the backstage area where he runs into John McCain. McCain offers his hand and they shake.

John McCain: Congratulations, Chuck.

Chuck Norris: Thank you.

McCain: That’s a great win. I hope we’re as lucky to prevail tonight.

Norris: Best of luck, Senator McCain. I…well…I just don’t see you guys getting over tonight.

McCain: Oh? Why’s that?

Norris: Well. No offense, Senator. But…you’re too old to have the same impact in the match that Mike Huckabee did in helping Mike the Mechanic win tonight.

McCain: Oh. I see.

Norris: Well. Good luck anyways.

Earl Fletcher: Hey y’all. Interesting conversation, there. Y’all ever drive down the road and pretended you had a laser mounted to the front that shot birds out of the air as they flew by? No? Oh. Well, here’s the next match…

—————

MATCH #4-
TRIPLE R w/Arianna Huffington (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent)
Fletcher: “It says here this, here, is Chris Escondido’s first pay per view match in over a year.” Triple R barges to the ring, knocking people out of his way. Inside the ring, both Triple R and Escondido stand nose to nose and jaw back and forth. Triple R shoves Escondido and we’re off again. A quick lock up, Triple R pushes to the corner and the ref calls for a break as Escondido grabs the ropes. Escondido scores a takedown and follows with some work on the mat. Triple R gets pissed off and escapes to the floor. Back in, Triple R spits on Escondido who responds with an arm drag. Escondido works the arm and Triple R whirls around to break the hold. Fletcher: “My notes say, Triple R is doing well not to lose his temper so far. It seems like when he loses his cool, his ‘dark side’ comes out. Speaking of ‘dark side,’ ever walked into a store and pretended you were Darth Vader using the force to open up the automatic door? No? Oh. Never mind.”

Side headlock by Escondido, shoulder run from the ropes and Triple R evades him. Escondido still seems a little rusty from the long layoff. Headlock takedown by Escondido and Triple R starts to get frustrated. Triple R strong back to his feet and then eats a head scissors. Escondido slaps on the figure four leg lock and Arianna immediately jumps on the ring apron calls for reinforcements. Triple R tries to escape, Escondido has it cinched in good. To the ring comes the Angry Left Wing Bloggers- Media Matters for America, Daily Kos, Eric Alterman, and NY Times columnist Paul Krugman. Knee strike by Media Matters undoes the figure 4. Chops by Daily Kos. Escondido is whipped off the ropes and into a dropkick by Alterman. Krugman adds another dropkick and then Media Matters comes off of the top turnbuckle with a double ax smash.

Politically Incorrect, Al Cahall and Nic Koteen, run out to try and even the odds. Koteen rakes Krugman’s back and hits a reverse neckbreaker. But Media Matters chops Koteen from behind. Al Cahall hits the slingshot senton on Daily Kos but eats an elbow drop from Alterman. Triple R kicks away at Escondido’s surgically repaired knee. Fletcher: “It says here that Escondido’s knee isn’t in the greatest of shape. Triple R could possibly put him out for good if he continues what he’s doing.” The crowd rises and roars when the PCW Tag Team champions Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini, both wielding their bottles of Jack Daniels, run…scratch that…stagger out to help. Dan Martini somehow manages to get into the ring and bumps into Triple R. Triple R then pushes down the Drunken Luchador. Daily Kos swings at Don Martini. Don stumbles enough that Kos misses him completely and clocks Eric Alterman by mistake. Kos apologizes and then Don smashes his Jack Daniels bottle over Kos’s head. Kos over and out. Triple R tries to put Dan Martini in the figure four but Dan takes a huge swig of his bottle of Jack Daniels and spews it in Triple R’s eyes. Fletcher: “You know, it’s a damn shame to waste a perfectly good liquor like that.”

Escondido manages to pull himself to his feet. He pulls Triple R back and slaps a sleeper hold on him. Arianna Huffington jumps in the ring and blows powder into Escondido’s eyes. Triple R pivots and decks Escondido and reapplies the figure four. Blinded, Escondido has no choice but to tap out. The referee calls for the bell.

WINNER: Triple R

Triple R refuses to release the hold. Drunken Luchador Dan wanders over and tries to smash his Jack Daniels bottle over Triple R’s head. Media Matters blasts Dan Martini from behind and the bottle doinks off Triple R’s head. Triple R then releases the hold on Escondido and goes after Dan Martini. Arianna throws in a chair and Triple R swings away at the Drunken Luchador. Don Martini is passed out in the corner and Krugman pulls him out of the ring. The rest of the Angry Left Wing Bloggers assault Dan Martini in the ring. Escondido somehow pulls himself up again and takes the chair away from Triple R. Escondido whacks Triple R with the chair and sends him reeling across the ring. Escondido limps over and takes out Media Matters, Alterman, and then Daily Kos. Triple R, blinded with rage, runs for Escondido. Escondido swings the chair like a baseball bat and nearly takes Triple R’s head off with the chair. Luckily, Triple R ducks in time. Then the very busy PCW security again comes to the ring to clean up the aftermath of the brawl.

—————-

PCW owner Bubba Jackson comes to the ring.

Bubba Jackson: Well? It looks like the PCW Tag Team match tonight isn’t going to happen. It looks like due to events that has taken place here tonight, neither the Green World Order or the Drunken Luchadors are able to wrestle tonight. So in their place, we have a treat for you.

Johnny Suave’s voice: HOLY CRAP!

The PCW crowd gave a standing ovation to Suave, bandaged up from Texas Tex’s assault, as he returns to the broadcast position.

Suave: It’s an old school PCW showdown.

The Dixie Chucks- Chuck-atalie, Chuck-artie, and Chuck-mily come out.

Suave: And this match takes place in Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction, too.

Chuck-artie points to the audience: I’m putting each and every one of you here in PCW on notice. Anyone, I repeat, ANYONE who says anything bad about the Dixie Chicks from now on will answer to us.

Chuck-atalie : That’s right. From this point forward if you say something bad about the Dixie Chicks, the Dixie Chucks are gonna KICK YOUR-

The opening riffs of the Toby Keith hit “How Do You Like Me Now?” cut off the rest of his remarks. The crowd roarsas Earl Locke and Gary Loade, aka ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade, appear on the side of the stage. Both men wear matching blue and gray vests with ‘Raving Rednecks’ on the back and red bandanas on their heads. Locke held up high a huge picture of country star Toby Keith and taunts the Dixie Chucks by waving it in their face.

Gary Locke: WHO’S YOUR DADDY? HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?

Earl Loade: That’s right! The BIG DOGS are here! Y’all know what it’s time for?

Crowd: “LOCK AND LOAD!

Loade: That’s right! It’s time to lock and load baby, lock and load!

—————

MATCH #5-
The Dixie Chucks- CHUCK-ATALIE and CHUCK-ARTIE w/Chuck-mily (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
“The Raving Rednecks” LOCKE and LOADE (American Patriots)

The Dixie Chucks immediately raced across and attacked Locke and Loade. Locke and Chuck-artie exchange heavy blows on one side and Chuck-atalie and Chuck-mily cleans Loade’s clock on the other side. The match quickly degenerates into an all out free-for-all with no structure whatsoever. Five people beating the living crap out of each other. Locke and Loade appear to have the momentum on their side after they unceremoniously dump Chuck-atalie out of the ring. Chuck-mily then falls prey to some good double team work by Locke and Loade and he, too, found himself outside the ring. With two members of the Dixie Chucks out of the way, Locke and Loade lined up Chuck-artie for their patented finishing move- “The Redneck 4-D Death Blast.” Suave: “They’ve got him set up.”

*YEEEEE-AAHHHHH!* Suave: “IT’S THE AMERICAN SCREAMER, HOWARD DEAN!” Caught totally off guard by Dean’s sudden appearance, Locke and Loade nearly drop Chuck-artie on his head. Loade stomps over and shouts at Dean, “YOU DON’T BELONG OUT HERE!” Locke jumps over the top rope and proceeds to chase the “American Screamer” around the ring. Dean plays keep away long enough for one of the Dixie Chucks on the outside to get in position to attack the Raving Redneck. Locke walks right into a Chuck-mily clothesline and falls on his back with a splat. Chuck-atalie leaps from the top of the turnbuckle and body splashes Locke on the floor outside the ring. Deane then turns his attention to Loade. Dean: “YEEEEE-AAHHHHH!” Dean provokes the Raving Redneck to the point where Loade swipes back at him but gets restrained by the ring ropes. Unfortunately for Loade, his intense focus on Deane meant that he totally forgot about Chuck-atalie. The Dixie Chuck sneaks back into the ring unnoticed and to make matters worse for the Raving Redneck, Chuck-atalie swipes the Toby Keith picture from Locke and Loade’s corner. The crowd, sensing that Loade had no clue what was going on behind him, stood up as Chuck-atalie raises the picture up in the air with two hands and slides in behind the distracted Raving Redneck. He smiles, pauses for dramatic effect, and then blastes Loade over the head with the picture. “HOLY @#$#!” the audience roared as Loade’s head went right through the picture. He stayed on his feet for a couple seconds and then collapsed in the middle of the ring. Chuck-atalie quickly covered and the referee counted out for the pin for the Dixie Chucks.

WINNER: The Dixie Chucks

———–

Suave: Now, let’s get down to business. Over the past couple weeks, the Hillary-Obama feud has escalated into a full blown war. It all started at PCW Christmas Extravaganza…

REPLAY- KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/ Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville, Terry McAuliffe VS. PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN w/John Edwards VS. OPAL WINFREE w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy
Soccer Mom catches KRC with a back suplex from the apron to the floor and Opal covers for 2. Streisand kicks Opal and they fight to the ramp. The referee follows and this time allows Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy to get a few cheap shots in on Collins. Carville and McAuliffe get involved. Barack grabs a chair and takes out the political pitbulls. Opal hits the spinning heel kick on Streisand and doubles back to cover KRC for 2. Collins blocks the brainbuster and hits an atomic drop on the ramp for 2. Hillary waves for help and out comes Sidney Blumenthal holding a ladder but Barack hits him with a superkick. The distraction allows Opal to DDT KRC on the floor. Ref counts. Match over.

Suave: …then at Iowa- Drama in Des Moines…

REPLAY- REMATCH AT PCW DRAMA IN DES MOINES
Barack and Edwards get the upper hand on the Pitbulls and then out of the blue, to everyone’s shock, Bill Clinton runs out. Clinton and McAuliffe double team Edwards near a corner turnbuckle. KRC, after beating down the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl, Tessa Martin, climbs up on the turnbuckle and prepares to jump and put Opal through a table outside the ring. Clinton throws himself against the ropes and slingshots himself across the ring to send Edwards out. Joe Biden, Christopher Dodd, and Bill Richardson race to the ring and pull Edwards out of the way. Clinton hits the turnbuckle and causes KRC to lose her balance and crotch herself on the ropes. She falls backwards with her legs draped over the top tying herself in the tree of woe. Biden, Dodd, and Richardson attack all three Political Pitbulls. Tessa Martin grabs a steel-folding chair and skateboards it into KRC’s face in the corner. KRC topples over and the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl eliminates her.

Both Bill and Hillary are in shock. Biden, Dodd, and Richardson brawl with Political Pitbulls Carville, McAuliffe, and Blumenthal back up the ramp. Soccer Mom gets back in the ring and shouts ‘It’s for the children’ as she takes a chair and nails Tessa Martin with it. Opal revives and wins the match.

 

Suave: …and then in New Hampshire- Mayhem at Manchester. This took place…

REPLAY- PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH AT MAYHEM AT MANCHESTER
The ref takes a bump when Opal accidentally squashes him in the corner. Hillary slips Collins something. KRC turns and hits Opal with a chain. KRC covers. No referee. Hillary goes to the back to find someone. Next, KRC pulls out a metal object and belts Opal with it. She’s out. No referee. Carville and McAuliffe have Opal’s Flock under control. Barack can’t get by Blumenthal. Hillary drags another referee out. KRC covers. One. Two. Three. And we have a new PCW Women’s champion.


All Barack can do is look on in shock as KRC, Hillary, and her Political Pitbulls celebrate.

Suave: Obama came out at Michigan Madness and admitted he’d been outfoxed by Hillary Clinton. Obama promised to bring his campaign of hope to tonight’s PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction. Now, can Obama help ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree regain the title tonight?

——————–

MATCH #6- PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:
Champion KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/Hillary Clinton (HRC) and the Clinton Political Pitbulls, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
Former champion “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE w/Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
Collins and Winfree lock up. Collins switches and gets behind Winfree. Takedown by KRC. Winfree powers out and there’s a stand off. Modified surfboard by KRC and a quick two count. Winfree chops at Collins and backs her up. KRC climbs the rope and hits a DDT. KRC covers for two. Suave: “KRC seems to be gaining more and more confidence!” KRC goes on top again for a top rope Frankensteiner. This time, Soccer Mom, yelling “WE MUST DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!” pushes KRC from behind and sends her toppling down. Winfree executes two consecutive powerbombs. Then she climbs to the top rope for a splash and Carville runs in and hits her with a steel-folding chair. Clinton slid in a table and Carville and McAuliffe set it up. KRC picks Opal up by the hair and flings her face down onto the table. Then KRC again climbs the top rope, this time protected by Carville and McAuliffe. Soccer Mom runs in and pushes Opal off the table. Unfortunately, KRC crushes Soccer Mom through the table instead.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” New Age Sensitive Guy is, of course, distraught and checks on Soccer Mom. KRC pulls up Opal but the Media Empress dumps her back over her head. Carville then clotheslines Opal and then turns and collars New Age Sensitive Guy. Carville’s too close to the ring ropes and Barack Obama grabs his feet and takes his legs out from under him. Obama drags him from the ring. McAuliffe runs around the ring and leaps at Barack. Obama moves and McAuliffe catches Carville and sends them both crashing into the barricade. Back in the ring, suplex by KRC followed by a flatliner. KRC hits a tilt a whirl back breaker. Suave: “Opal’s in trouble.” Springboard kick by KRC and then she sets up for her finisher- the PPD (Personal Political Destruction). KRC gets Opal up and hits the twisting suplex maneuver and goes for the cover. Hillary bangs her hand on the ring canvas. One…two…three… Suave: “What’s going on? It appears the referee is having a talk with Barack Obama and missed the count!” Hillary is furious and bangs even harder on the ring. KRC goes over and shoves the referee from behind. And then Bill Clinton hops into the ring and lights into the referee. Opal crawls over and rolls KRC up from behind. Obama shouts at the ref. The ref turns and sees the roll-up. One…two…three.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: ‘MEDIA EMPRESS’ OPAL WINFREE

———-

Hillary and Bill Clinton are in shock.

Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! BARACK BEAT THE CLINTON’S AT THEIR OWN GAME AND OPAL REGAINS THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE! HOLY CRAP!”

Bill Clinton stomps by Suave’s table.

Clinton: What just happened there?

Suave: Excuse me?

Clinton: You guys are carrying Obama’s water for him. You can’t have it both ways! You point out our transgressions but you won’t do the same for Obama! You’re giving him an easier ride!

Clinton then flips over Suave’s announcer’s table and stomps off.

Suave: So, how many tables is that tonight? Three? I don’t know. And speaking of angry, here comes Rush Limbaugh and Tom DeLay. I wonder what the hell they want?

Limbaugh and DeLay enter the ring and get booed.

Rush Limbaugh: I’m here to underscore again the danger of John McCain and Mike Huckabee, If either of these two become the nominee for PCW CEO, it’s going to destroy the American Patriots. It’ll change…and not for our benefit…er…I mean, for the worst.

More boos.

Tom DeLay: McCain has done more to hurt the American Patriots than anyone else I know of. He’s not a true conservative! People can’t support him.

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock til You Drop’ blares over the loudspeaker*

Suave: YES! It’s the EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT! We all remember what happened last week…

REPLAY OF TOM DeLAY-WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT FROM PCW MICHIGAN MADNESS
WTF grabs DeLay by the throat the chokeslams him to the canvas.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
Crowd: PCW…PCW!
Then WTF lifts DeLay up and climbs the corner turnbuckle. The crowd noise increases when WTF reaches the top and puts DeLay in the power bomb position. Then he launches himself and blasts DeLay through all three tables.

DeLay and Limbaugh immediately high tail it from the ring and escape through the crowd.

Suave: Smart move.

—————-

MATCH #7- PCW WORLD TITLE MATCH:
Champion “Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. He is…” JUSTIN SUFFERABLE (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
Former ‘Rookie Sensation’ STARZ N. STRIPES w/ ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (American Patriots)

Suave: “Here’s our main event. Is it Starz N. Stripes time? Or will Justin Sufferable hang on to the title?” The bell rings and we’re off. Starz shoulderblocks Sufferable down and then paintbrushes the back of his head. Sufferable reverses with a running elbow followed by pair of back breakers. Sufferable goes for a Spicolli driver but Starz backdrops him instead. Quick chain mat wrestling sequence follows and the crowd expressed their appreciation. Both Sufferable and Starz nod at each other. Lock up. Power by Starz drives Sufferable back against the ropes. Irish whip all the way across the ring by Starz. Sufferable evades the lariat and counters with an atomic drop. Quick roll up from behind gets Sufferable a one count. Sufferable hits a Half-Nelson backbreaker. Sufferable than whips out a Splash Mountain neckbreaker and covers again. Two count. Sufferable sets for a suplex but Starz surprises him with a jawbreaker lariat. Sufferable tries a sunset flip but Starz sits on him and gets out of it. The ref slips on something in one corner but keeps his feet.

Suave: “Good action so far!” The crowd agrees and chants, “PCW…PCW!” Both men circle each other warily. Lock up. Armdrag by Starz, reversed into an arm bar by Sufferable. Springboard Ace crusher by Sufferable and again gets a two count. Starz gets a surprise roll up and he gets a two count. Sufferable kicks out and springs back to his feet. Body slam by Starz. Elbow drop misses when Sufferable rolls away. Leg scissors by Sufferable but his attempt to modify it into a figure four meets with a swift kick to the mush by Starz. Starz lines up Sufferable in the corner, climbs up on the turnbuckle, and hits the 10 punch sequence. Sufferable slumps down to a sitting position. Starz retreats to the opposite corner and then goes for the big splash. Sufferable moves at the last possible moment and Starz crotches himself on the ringpost. Sufferable takes control with power slams. Bulldog in the middle of the ring and Starz looks ready to go. Sufferable lifts him up for a brainbuster. Drifting back into a corner, Sufferable suddenly loses his footing and Starz falls hard to the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS A BAD FALL FOR STARZ N. STRIPES! BUT…SUFFERABLE’S HURT. IT’S HIS KNEE…HIS SURGICALLY REPAIRED KNEE.”

The referee signals to the back. Sufferable grabs his knee and rolls back and forth in excruciating pain. Starz is groggy. He finally pulls himself up to a sitting position and realizes how much trouble Sufferable is in. Suave: “Does he go for the pin?” Starz tells the ref the match is over. The ref calls for the bell.

WINNER: STARZ N. STRIPES because Justin Sufferable can’t go on. The title remains with Sufferable.

Starz checks on Sufferable. Triple R suddenly hits the ring with a chair. Chairshot to Starz. Chairshot to the referee. Chairshot to Sufferable’s injured knee. Suave: “TRIPLE R IS TRYING TO END JUSTIN SUFFERABLE’S CAREER!” A second chairshot to the knee. Starz tries to get back and eats another chairshot. Triple R winds up again. This time, a second pair of hands stops him from delivering another chairshot to Sufferable. Suave: “IT’S JOHN McCAIN! McCAIN’S WRESTLING TRIPLE R FOR THE CHAIR!” McCain wrests the chair away and then blasts Triple R with a chairshot to the face. Triple R stumbles backwards through the ring ropes and out to the floor. Paramedics reach the ring and attend to Justin Sufferable.

Suave: “So, who said that McCain was too old? The champion may be seriously injured again. This will definitely have ramifications for the PCW Title in the next few days. The PCW Roadshow Across America tour starts again next Tuesday in Florida at Tallahassee Tussle and we’ll know a lot more about the status of the PCW World champion Justin Sufferable by then.

 

Daily Caller vs. Media Matters: PCW Extreme Political TV Report

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Cumberland County Civic Center
Portland, ME
Taped from Saturday February 11th, 2012
Host: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

Tonight’s PCW show was to have started off with the big match between Yamamoto Tanaka (R) representing ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Jim Schmidt (R) accompanied by Ron Paul (R-TX).  Except for one single, teeny-tiny problem…

BACKSTAGE
The Republican Establishment in the form of Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) took turns stomping away at Schmidt.  Big Oil lifted Schmidt up and put him in the piledriver position and delivered an Oklahoma Driller on the floor.

Tanaka walked out grinning, thinking that he was about to have an easy night.  Then…this….

PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH)  in the ring.

Boehner: As the leader of the PCW Competition Committee, and since we have no opponent tonight for Yamamoto Tanaka…

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!

Boehner: I have no other choice but to declare Tanaka…and Mitt Romney…the-

Suave: What the hell? 

Ron Paul walks out and heads to the ring.

*Pat Green‘s ‘Southbound 35′ comes on*

Texas Jack runs down the ramp, passes Paul, and goes right to the ring.  He throws Boehner out and starts trading shots with Tanaka.

A referee slides into the ring and we’re off.

Suffice to say, Boehner goes off like that elf in the movie ‘Bad Santa!’

No, not THAT elf!  Well kinda…but no!

Okay.  Yeah.  That guy.

Meanwhile…

Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand.  He climbs the top turnbuckle…SPLASH!    Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?

That’s right, Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.  Then it got even better…

Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so.  Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil.  He doesn’t see Tanaka.  HOLY CRAP!

From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad habit with the Scorpion Death Drop.  But Tanaka wasn’t done yet…

Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he makes the count…1…2..3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02

Suave would call for the police to come down after Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, and PCW Champion Daniel-San hit the ring and beat on Texas Jack.

[Seagal.JPG]

Er, no.  I don’t think he’s coming to Texas Jack’s rescue.   I don’t think he’s coming to anyone else’s rescue either to be honest.

But someone else did…

Suave: IT’S A-BOMB!  IT’S A-BOMB!


A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

The crowd pops when A-Bomb, bandaged up from his beatdown Thursday night, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb runs to the ring.  And he’s on…

…yeah, something like that.

A-Bomb pulls Daniel-San off Texas Jack.  Daniel-San swings; A-Bomb ducks and then whips him through the ropes to the floor.  Walstreit comes over- Daisy intercepts and kicks him in the balls.  Then she takes his breath away with a devastating Daisy Cutter Powerbomb.  Tanaka and Big Oil retreat from the ring when the Tea Party: Average Joe, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and NRA show up as well.

—————————————————-

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

———————————————

And of course, next came the obligatory Jesusland vs. Progressiveville match to promote the book.

MATCH #2


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah
vs.
Happy Mango
(I)

But!  Before the match could get started, David Brock of Media Matters For America comes out and interrupts the proceedings.  Brock, who is parodied in the book as well as most of the main political ‘stars’, is not happy about his portrayal.

David Brock: That is not fair.  You equate us as being no better than the lying conservative scum who-

Excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
A man wearing a white shirt with black pinstripes stood up.  “Ma’am, given the fact that there appears to be some significant movement forward from the initial meetings, how long will it be before there will be some sort of official announcement?”

“It’ll be soon.”

“A follow up,” the reporter said.  “Just how soon?”

“Really, really soon.”

“We object!”

Amy sighed and pointed to two men who shot up out of their chairs.  “What?”

“Eric Boehlert,” the man on the left said.

“David Brock,” the man on the right said.

“We’re from Media Matters for America,” Boehlert said.

“What’s your question?” queried Amy.

Brock answered, “We protest the fact that you allowed the last reporter, who works for the Wall Street Journal- known for its bias towards conservatives, to ask a follow up question.  That validates his first question which we see as slanted towards a conservative viewpoint.”

Amy scratched her head.  “He asked a perfectly reasonable question.”

“We object to the fact that you are allowing the right wing to spew their hate filled propaganda,” Boehlert said.

Brock added, “You’re helping to push the conservative’s extreme agenda by giving their questions such credence.”

Amy considered her options.  “Hey, guys?  Look.  I am not biased in any way.  Hell, I’m a big fan of the Dixie Chicks and I feel that what’s happened to them is a crime.  So-”

“I OBJECT!”

Amy’s eyes fluttered and she shook her head.  “All right, who are you?”

“Noel Sheppard.  NewsBusters.  We take on and fight liberal media bias.”

“And what do you want?  Are you implying that I’m somehow biased?”

“Yes,” Sheppard said matter of factly.  It’s a well known fact that liberals use their sympathizers in the media to further their left wing agendas.”

“All I said was that I was a big fan of the Dixie Chicks.  And what happened to them was a crime.”

“So you agree with the Dixie Chicks,” accused Sheppard.  “I knew you were biased.”

“What?”

“SHE’S BIASED!”

Amy glared at Sheppard.

———————-

Of course, Brock again takes great exception at the comparison and threatens to put Political Championship Wrestling and the author of Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, Mr. A. Nominous, on his enemies list.  And then the most peculiar thing happened…

Okay, okay.  More peculiar than the Beach Boys getting back together for their 50th anniversary.

Suave: “Some guy with a bow-tie is running to the ring!  Wait a minute?  Is that Paul Simon?


The Late Senator Paul Simon (D-IL)

Suave: No, wait.  He’s dead.  I don’t believe it.  Is that Tucker freakin’ Carlson?


Tucker freakin’ Carlson (R)

Carlson has a chair and hits the ring.  He blasts Brock with the steel folding chair.  Then something even more inexplicable than the Beach Boys reuniting and Tucker Carlson doing a run-in takes place…


Alan Dershowitz

Suave: “ALAN DERSHOWITZ? 

Dershowitz hands the referee some sort of warrant.

Suave: What the hell is thatA steel folding chair warrant?  Is that anything like the ‘torture warrant’ that Dershowitz once advocated?

Apparently so.  After delivering the warrant, Dershowitz takes the chair from Carlson and whaps Brock with it.  Then he took the microphone.

Dershowitz: “…let me tell you, Max Blumenthal and Media Matters will be singlehandedly responsible for [Obama] losing the PCW CEO race.  They [the Democrats] cannot win and keep this affiliation with them [Media Matters].

So after all that, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin hit a Pizza Cutter on Happy Mango three seconds into the match.  She made the cover and got the pin.

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ :06

Next, backstage PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Mrs. Miyagi about the break up between her and Daniel-San.   Except for the fact that Mrs. Miyagi really isn’t in a talking mood.  At least until Daniel-San shows up.

Daniel-San: Look, I didn’t care for the way this whole thing went down.  That’s my fault.  I’m sor-

Yep.  cue John Creese and his Cobra Conservatives walking in to interrupt the PCW Champion.

John Creese:Mercy is for the weak, Daniel-San.  Haven’t you gotten that through your head?  Boys…

Cue the obligatory Cobra Con attack on Mrs. Miyagi.  Except Mrs. Miyagi wipes the floor with Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy.  So Creese sweeps her leg and tells Daniel-San to take her out.  Daniel-San slaps on the Labell Lock and by the time Halitosis- the Insane Luchador with Horribly Bad Breath, can reach her she’s unconscious.

MATCH #3- PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c)
vs.
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Of course, Chism wins easily as the American Taxpayer is screwed from the start when the announcement is made that the national debt will be a trillion dollars more in a decade than originally forecast.

WINNER AND STILL PCW Television Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) @ :57

Romney Strikes Back: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Imperial Bowl
Pittsfield, MA
Thursday February 9th, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomed everyone to another edition of PCW Politics is War.  He reviewed what went down Tuesday night at PCW Minnesota Mayhem:

-the preemptive attack on the Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R), representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney’s (R-MA) wrestler Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republican Establishment.

-the surprise return of A. Tom Bomb (R).   Accompanied by long time valet, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, A-Bomb laid waste to Tanaka, K-Roy (R)- representing Newt Gingrich, and Magnum PO’d (R)- for Ron Paul (R-TX) to sweep through the Minnesota Mayhem match on behalf of Santorum.

Suave announced that Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, the novel featuring two wrestlers from Political Championship Wrestling (‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah!), was released on Kindle earlier today.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Excerpt from ‘Jesusland vs. Progressiveville’:
Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the door.  A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.

Lingerie Girl facepalmed herself.  “Oh no.  Not him.”

“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.   He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important…”

“Does he really have to do this?” asked Ninja Kitty.

“Apparently, yes,” Lingerie Girl replied.

“…Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Lingerie Girl rolled her eyes.


‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah

MATCH #1
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah

vs.
American Girl‘ Sarah Mae Smith (R) w/Harley Davisson

Smith challenged the whole concept of the book and blamed the country’s problems on liberal Democrats.  She called herself a ‘true American’ and went after Martin before the bell rang.

[...Martin and Smith brawl on the floor.   Smith gets a swinging bulldog on Martin and drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl's face into the floor.  From behind, Davisson grabs Martin  tiger driver!  Rah protests to the referee.  Smith goes corkscrew legdrop but Tessa instinctively moves at the last second.  Rah helps Martin back into the ring and Smith follows suit.

Martin with an arm wrench, then a forearm smash.   Legsweep faceslam brings the American Girl down.  Smith back up...PIZZA CUTTER!  Smith pinned. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 6:45

BACKSTAGE
Mitt Romney held a ‘press availability’ (isn’t that a press conference?) get together in the back and had this to say…

Romney: “I’d like to congratulate Rick Santorum on his win Tuesday night.  But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean a hill of gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia because I will be the Republican taking on Barack Obama in the fall.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then asked Mitt how it couldn’t mean something after he went to great trouble to take out Rev. Richardson earlier in the night.  Romney disputed that ‘he’d’ gone after anyone.  He blamed the attack on Rev. Richardson on Santorum’s record when he was part of the PCW Executive Committee.  Bernstein again asked how.  Romney replied, “… Santorum never et an earmark he didn’t like, now when his wrestler (Richardson) gets instead of doing the responsible thing and toeing the line on spending he goes out and buys another wrestler (A-Bomb).”

Bernstein then asked if the win was a significant setback for Romney.  Mitt said it wasn’t because he really didn’t try to win that hard.

“I could have tried to win a lot harder, perhaps, but I didn’t so it really doesn’t hurt me too bad in the grand scheme of things.”

Bernstein: “If you weren’t really trying that much, why did you have Richardson taken out before the match?”

Romney sputtered around the subject and then declared he’d ‘try harder’ tonight.   He then laid out a challenge to A-Bomb to face Yamamoto Tanaka tonight and claimed that PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) had already signed off on the match.

Out of nowhere, Code Pink runs out.  She tries to fire a Glitter Bomb at Romney but out comes Arizona’s Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former city police officers fired for their extreme brand of justice, with Sheriff Joe Arpaio.  They collar Code Pink and drag her away before she can reach Romney.

‘The Massachusett’s Redblood then walked away with his entourage in search of gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia.

Then Mrs. Miyagi, former manager of the PCW Champion Daniel-San, walked out with her new wrestler- HALITOSIS (I)!


Halitosis (I) with Mrs. Miyagi

‘The Luchador with the Insanely Bad Breath’ Halitosis
HT: 5’8, WT: 170, HOME: Cabo Wabo, Mexico
FIN: Breath of Death
MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

Suave: It’s Halitosis versus…Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?  Who the hell is Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?

Another excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
“EXCUSE ME!” Lingerie Girl sprang to her feet and wagged her finger at Rah. “I’ll have you know that…hey…”

She looked down.  Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was affectionately licking her feet.

“No! No, no, no!” Lingerie Girl said, pulling her feet back and then hopping up and down. She bent down and rubbed the top of her foot with her hand to get the slobber and drool off.

Suave: “Ew, lovely.”

MATCH #2
Halitosis (I)
vs.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy (I)

[The bell rings...Halitosis kicks Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy in the groin.  Snap mare takeover. Headlock takedown.  Halitosis...BREATHES IN NYE'S FACE!.  Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy drops to the mat.  Halitosis hooks the leg. Referee makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Halitosis @ :41

Suave: “Okay.  First Newt Tron Bomb comes back Tuesday night with his lethal flatulence otherwise known as ‘Silent, But Deadly.’  Now, Halitosis?  The WWE wouldn’t do this type of crap-”

Suave: “Okay.  I take that back.”

Suave then talks about the major controversy from last week’s Super Bowl.

The God Squad…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…then come out to complain about Madonna’s ‘inappropriate’ Super Bowl halftime show.

Rev. Flambe: “Why can’t they bring in good, wholesome entertainment?”

Rev. Hinnrich agreed.  He suggested bringing back  ‘Up With People.’

Suave: “Oh, dear.  No.  No, no, no…no.”

Backstage
Vince Giordano, Vice President of the New Jersey Education Association, spoke with Bernstein about his opposition to school vouchers.  Bernstein asked Giordano if it was fair for poor students to be stuck in failing schools.

Giordano: “Well,  life’s not always fair and I’m sorry about that.”

Out of nowhere, the Jersey Boyz Vinnie and Frankie (R) tackle Giordano and there’s a brawl when ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty of the California Teacher’s Union comes to his aid.  Chris Christie (R-NJ) came out and delivered this diatribe:

Christie: “I cannot express how disgusted I am by that statement.  But I also have to tell you I’m not the least bit surprised because I think it so succinctly captures what their position- their real position- is.”

Suave: “For not being able to express his disgust, he’s doing a pretty good job of expressing his disgust.”

Christie went on to call Giordano’s comments ‘puffed up rich man’s baloney’ and again the Jersey Boyz attacked- this time against the CTU.  A referee came out and we had ourselves an impromptu match…

MATCH #3
The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’ Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R) w/Chris Christie (R-NJ)

[...Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker  hits the ring and takes out the referee.  James the Jeep Worker a jawbreaker on Vinnie.  Big Labor splashes Frankie in the corner. Giordano cheers as Frankie gets suplexed by Big Labor.   Inverted atomic drop on Vinnie by Golatta.  Now, guillotine choke on Vinnie.   Christie in the ring!  Big splash to James the Jeep Worker.  Christie decks Giordano from the ring apron and follows him to the floor.  Wait!  That's Scott Walker (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) coming to the ring!  And they're bringing the Roy Boys!  T-Roy and K-Roy hit the ring to even the odds.  K-Roy pokes Golatta in the eyes...Evenflow DDT by T-Roy! K-Roy drags Vinnie over and puts him on Golatta for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: The Jersey Boyz @ 9:30

Both tag teams barely have enough time to get out of the ring before both A-Bomb and Tanaka come brawling down the ramp.


A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

[A-Bomb punches Tanaka over and over.  Tanaka finally tackles A-Bomb and roll around the floor.  Then Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) run down and start beating on A-Bomb.  Walstreit hits with the back of his elbow while Big Oil delivers a kick to the head.   Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on Big Oil's back.  He lifts her up and Samoan Drops her to the floor.  Tanaka and Big Oil whip A-Bomb into the steel barricade.  Then Tanaka lifts him up...PILEDRIVER.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil then delivers an Oklahoma Driller and finally security gets down to the ring.  Both A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb are laid out on the floor as the show ends.

Santorum Surprise!: PCW Minnesota Mayhem Results

PCW Minnesota Mayhem Results
Williams Arena
Minneapolis, MN
Tuesday February 7th, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

The second ever PCW ‘Roadshow Across America’ tour made a stop tonight in Minneapolis for tonight’s Minnesota Mayhem show.

‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena in high spirits along with his wrestler, Yamamoto Tanaka (R).  Tanaka has torn through the Republican competition since he switched sides and looked to continue that trend tonight.

Who looked to stem the Romney tidal wave?  Rick Santorum (R-PA) and his charge, The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- the former Triple R, that’s who.

The Right Rev. Randy Richardson
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235, HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN:  Chairshot or Caneshot

Richardson walked out with the God Squad

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…and said that he knows that his reputation precedes him.  Richardson admits that he’s always been his worst enemy and that too many times in the past  he’s cost himself the PCW title.  Tonight that changes.  Richardson claims he’s more at peace with himself right now then he’s been at any point in his career.

The crowd buzzed when the Japanese Superdestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R) ran out and delivered a preemptive strike on Richardson.

…Tanaka hits a frog splash on Richardson. Tanaka goes to the top and hits a flying sitdown splash.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HE’S GOING TO KILL HIM!”

Tanaka back to his feet and calls to the back.  Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Champion Daniel-San with John Creese and the Cobra Cons run to ringside.  Big Oil spikes Richardson’s head into the mat with an Oklahoma Driller.   Walstreit sets Richardson up and hits him with the Stock Market Plunge.  Rev. Flambe and Rev. Hinnrich try to help out but Walstreit bats them away.  Then he piledrives Rev. Flambe.  Daniel-San clotheslines Rev. Hinnrich.  Daniel-San hits a gut-wrench suplex on Richardson. Creese sets Richardson up and Daniel-San decks the Rev. with a Crane Kick.    Tanaka drags Richardson onto the top turnbuckle.

Suave: “NO!  SOMEONE STOP HIM!”

Yeah, too late.  One Japanese SuperDestroyer later Richardson is out cold!  For good measure,  Daniel-San hits the shooting star press on Richardson and then splits with Creese and company.

So, Richardson gets taken out by Tanaka.  Santorum goes to the back and berates Romney who feigns any knowledge of the attack.

MATCH #1
‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) of Politically Correct w/ Soccer Mom (D)
vs.
T-Roy (R) w/former head of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Karen Handel

[Elbow Drop on Thomas-Taylor by T-Roy.   Soccer Mom climbs to the ring apron.  She distracts T-Roy and ... BOOM- New Age Sensitive Guy blasts T-Roy in an old school sensitive area.   Then the new group Planned Parenthood (Democrats Jordan Metzger and Kendra W. Wallace) hit the ring and tackle Handel to the mat.  Metzger punches T-Roy repeatedly while Wallace wrestles with Handel on the mat.   Shoulder tackle by Thomas-Taylor on T-Roy and the New Age Sensitive Guy apologzies afterwards.  Metzger with a Neck Breaker.  Wallace spins turns Handel around and boots her in the ass.  Thomas-Taylor goes for the pin...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor @ 8:20

Post match, the beatdown continued and Planned Parenthood taunted Handel who was sprawled out on the mat.

Suave noted that Handel may not have handled her issues with Planned Parenthood very well.

Big Oil Promo
Big Oil (R) claims that the end of the world is here because… GAS PRICES WILL GO BACK OVER $4 A GALLON BY MEMORIAL DAY!  Big Oil laughs and calls everyone who complains about the rising cost of gasoline nothing more than a Big Oil wannabe.   Big Oil pulls out a wad of cash and starts counting the bills.  He points to all sections of the arena and says the whole arena was filled with Big Oil wannabe’s.  Then as he leaves, Big Oil points some more people out in the crowd and calls them wannabes!

Suave: “Well, that sucks.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein in the back with Rick Santorum.  Bernstein asks him with Rev. Richardson being taken out, who was he considering to take his place.  Santorum, looking very concerned, responded that ‘he didn’t know.’  Then he turned and walked away.

Suave: “Well?  That sucks for him.”

Suave then talks about PCW Champion Daniel-San’s recent appearance in Phoenix Wrestling as part of the CWC Ascension Tournament…

REPLAY: Daniel-San vs. Graham Clausen vs. James Stall
(courtesy of Phoenix Wrestling)

[[Stall grabs onto Daniel-san and throws him out of the ring, before going back to Clauson, who is up to his feet. A boot to the gut backs Clauson into a corner, where Stall starts to unload with some punches to the face, followed by boots to the gut, stomping a mud-hole into Clauson's chest. Clauson gets whipped across the ring, and Stall charges right after, but runs into a pair of raised boots. Stall stumbles away as Clauson gets onto the second turnbuckle, then dives onto Stall to hit a beautiful DDT!]]

Clauson gets up, all fired up after the big move. But here comes Kris Keebler to a series of boos, who’s holding a chair. He gets up onto the apron, but Clauson hits a superkick, knocking him down! But here’s Daniel-san with a roll-up!

1
.
.
Daniel-san hooks the tights!
.
2
.
.
3!!!

Winner, via pinfall on Graham Clauson, Daniel-san.

Suave notes that, of course, Daniel-San snuck in and took the pin from James Stall after Stall had done all the work.

MATCH #2
Arizona Rough Justice
: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (R) w/Sheriff Joe Arpaio
vs.
Occupy Wall Street: Nate and Shane (D) w/Adam

[Ruff knocks Shane into the referee.  Then Justice in the ring and sends  Shane to the turnbuckle while Ruff follows with a splash.  Sheriff Arpaio opens up a chair and puts it in the ring...Nate thrown into the ropes...Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair!  Adam protests but can't stop Ruff's frog splash on Nate.   Justice has the taser...*ZZZZZZAP*  Nate drops and the referee makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Arizona Rough Justice @ 6:10

And then it was time for the Minnesota Mayhem match…

MAIN EVENT:
Minnesota Mayhem Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)

Rick Santorum came out next.  Romney got on the mic and wanted to know where his wrestler was.  Then…

*Avenida Revolucion by Chickenfoot plays*

Suave: “What the…are they back?”


A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

The crowd roared at the return of A. Tom Bomb to PCW.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[...A-Bomb and Magnum PO'd still maintain control over Tanaka, hammering on his ribs at every opportunity.  A-Bomb grinds his knee into Tanaka's back at the ten minute mark. Daisy teases a run-in as the crowd goes wild.  Double vertical Suplex on Tanaka.  But when they try to get him out of the ring, Tanaka stops them.  Finally...]

Suave: “Wait a minute…not him, too.”

That’s right, it’s NEWT TRON BOMB (R).  Suave frantically tries to find his gas mask as N-Bomb slides into the ring and sticks his ass in Tanaka’s face.  Then…

Suave: “SILENT BUT DEADLY!  SILENT BUT DEADLY!  OH MY…THAT STINKS!”

Tanaka out.  Both A-Bomb and Magnum cover…1…2…3.

Suave: “TANAKA’S OUT!”

Mitt Romney slams his fists on the ring and watches A-Bomb rolls Tanaka out of the ring.  Then A-Bomb turns to Magnum and rocks him with right hand.  He lifts Magnum up-…ATOMIC POWERBOMB!  A-Bomb covers…1…2…3.]

Santorum bounces into the ring and holds up A-Bomb’s arm.

WINNER: A. Tom Bomb @ 8:25

Suave: “Santorum gets the big win here tonight!  That’s all for PCW Minnesota Mayhem.  We’ll see you on Thursday night for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN!”

Romney Again! PCW Reno Rage Results

PCW Reno Rage Results
Winnemucca Convention Center
Winnemucca, NV
Saturday February 4th, 2012

Okay, the first question.  Why is Reno Rage being held in Winnemucca, NV?

The Massachusetts Bluebloods: Jay F. Kennedy and Ray F. Kennedy (D) w/John F’n Kerry (D-MA) defeated the Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe (R)

Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay (Tea Party) got a rare victory over Brad Company (I)

PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I) destroyed Peta from PETA (D).

New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) defeated Dave the Mechanic (I) in a match where he had to have apologized at least seventeen times.

Reno Rage Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)

The crowd was about half the level into Jim Schmidt (R) when he wrestled for Ron Paul as they were for Magnum PO’d.   (Plus, having Robbyn Masters there certainly didn’t hurt either).

Early on, Rev. Richardson did a small move and then inexplicatively jumped on the middle turnbuckle.  He posed for the crowd as if he just scored a pin and then ran into the waiting clutches of Tanaka.  Tanaka powerbombed Rev. Richardson and then replicated his celebration.   Ron Paul went around and high-fived every fan in the front row around the ring.   Magnum PO’d hit the Porsche Plunge on Richardson.  Magnum went for the pin but Gingrich pulled the referee out of the ring.  Paul ran to the back to get another referee.

Meanwhile, Richardson used a chair on Tanaka which only served to royally piss off the Japanese SuperDestroyer.   Richardson then got in his face, there was shoving, and then a choke slam on Richardson.  Tanaka sent the Right Reverend over the top rope and facilitated elimination number one of the match.

Tanaka shook off Magnum’s attempt to Porsche Plunge him and powerbombed him through a table outside the ring for the second elimination of the match.

K-Roy jumped on Tanaka’s back and tried to choke him out.  Tanaka backed hard into the corner turnbuckle and squashed K-Roy.  Then to the top rope, Japanese SuperDestroyer, and time to catch the next flight to Minneapolis for Tuesday’s PCW Minnesota Mayhem.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 10:31

Romney shakes Tanaka’s hand and then takes off to head to the airport.

Trump- The Endorsement!: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Comanche County Fairgrounds
Lawton, Oklahoma
Thursday February 2nd, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Hello and welcome to another PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN report.  Tonight’s show from Lawton, Oklahoma started with a 10 bell salute to the late, great boxing trainer, Angelo Dundee.

English: Frank Thomas and former trainer for b...

Dundee was the famed trainer of such boxing greats as Muhammad Ali and Sugar Ray Leonard among others.  He was truly one of the greats.

Then on the big screen…


Donald Trump (R)

That’s right.  The Donald himself.  Showing up at the back door of the Coliseum, Trump was hustled into the building by security.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave wondered why the Donald was here tonight.  Then Newt Gingrich (R-GA) appeared in the back and went skipping through the hallway.  Suave put one and one together and surmised that the Donald was here tonight to deliver some much needed help to the Gingrich campaign by giving him his endorsement.

MATCH #1
Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor w/FBI Agent Charlize Starling and Roseanne Barr (Green Party)
vs.
‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)

This match got off to a bizarre start when Barr joined Dr. Lecktor in the ring and announced she was running for PCW CEO with the Green Party.

And of course, the referee delivered the prefunctionary warning to Dr. Lecktor that any attempt to remove her mask would result in an immediate disqualification.  As always, FBI Agent Starling stood nearby with her cattle prod just in case.

End of match…

[...Dallas hits a springboard bulldog and slams Dr. Lecktor's head onto the mat.  Dr. Lecktor adjusts her mask and then kicks Dallas in the groin.  Mule kicks by Dr. Lecktor sends Dallas reeling into the ropes.  Lecktor throws the Texas Cowgirl to the mat and locks in the Hell's Gate.   Referee checks for a tap out...Dr. Lecktor cinches it tighter...Dallas has no choice but to tap. ]

WINNER: Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor (Green Party) @ 6:11

So, Dr. Lecktor gets her first win in PCW in some time.  Post match, she beats on Dallas some more, while Roseanne celebrates outside the ring by screeching annoyingly at the top of her lungs, and then the doctor begins to take her mask off.  FBI Agent Starling wastes no time in cattle prodding Dr. Lecktor into submission.  One hoped that Agent Starling would do the same to Roseanne- but no luck.

Next, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena coming off a very successful night at PCW Tussle in Tallahassee.

MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)

The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp.  First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons.  The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp.  Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus.  Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…

Yamamoto Tanaka
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order.  K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.

Romney, with the Republican establishment firmly behind him, said that he was on such a roll right now that he’s worried about winning the nomination to become the Republican challenger to Barack Obama in November about as much as he’s worried about poor people.

Romney tried to walk back the whole ‘not worried about the poor thing’ but in the end his staff whisked him off into a meeting.

In the back, PCW’s intrepid Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviewed Democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi about the defection of the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka to the Republicans.

Pelosi was predictably outraged that Tanaka would take this…

Um…wrong currency guys.

All right…seriously?

That’s better.

Pelosi was offended that Tanaka took a briefcase full of cash from the Republicans and made the switch.  When Bernstein reminded her that it was the Democrats and their Super PAC’s who used a briefcase full of cash to entice Tanaka to their side earlier, Pelosi responded with this:

“Well, at least we did it for the right reason.”

As for the Republicans, they too had to deal with a significant defection from Tuesday night’s show- the loss of longtime stalwart ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…

…Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment.  He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.

Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.)  What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”

Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans.

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told Fox News hot newsbabe Megyn Kelly

McConnell: “It’s not like Kevin Scott hasn’t pulled this #@$# before.   He once quit and joined the Democrats for a short time before crawling on his hands and knees back to the Republicans.  Kevin Scott needs to realize that this isn’t about him.  It’s all about putting Republicans in position of power and winning titles and if he’s not up to the task then I’m glad he’s gone.   We’re getting the better of a Scott for Tanaka trade off.”

PCW RANKINGS

PCW WORLD CHAMPION:  Daniel-San (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#3- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
#4- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
#5- Charlie Blackwell (I)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#2- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#3- Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Union Maid (D)
#5- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)

Big shake up in the single’s rankings as Chism and Tanaka rejoin the top 5.  K-Roy drops out and O’Beck Bahama retired from competition.

Chism and Tanaka didn’t like each other when they were both Democrats.  Now that Tanaka’s aligned with the Republicans, that hatred should ratchet up a few more notches.

MATCH #2
‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger (D)

vs.
Blue Dog D (D) w/Heath Shuler (D-NC)

Metzger is an up and comer who hasn’t quite hit his stride yet.  Blue Dog D has been on the downslide for over six months now.

[...Metzger kicks Blue Dog D in the groin and follows with a dragon suplex.  Metzger then hits the handspring moonsault.  Metzger locks in the Red Tape submission on Blue Dog D and makes him tap out. ]

WINNER: ‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger @ 3:39

As Metzger celebrates his win, Heath Shuler takes the microphone.  He announces that both he and Blue Dog D are leaving PCW.

Finally, the moment we’ve waited for.

Donald Trump’s procession makes its way to the ring.  Trump, leaving a trail of cash behind him, and his entourage climb into the ring, followed a few feet back by Newt Gingrich and K-Roy (R).  Gingrich has a huge grin on his face and Suave comments that he knows Gingrich thinks he’s back in contention now with Trump in his corner.

Trump: “Ladies and gentlemen.  After great thought and consideration, I have decided that I, Donald J. Trump, will endorse…

By this point, Gingrich is hopping up and down like a jack in a box in the ring.

Trump: “Mitt Romney.”

Suave: “WHAT?”

Romney strolls out to the ring and shakes Trump’s hand while a stunned Gingrich watches.

Trump: “Mitt is tough, he’s smart, he’s sharp and he’s not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country we all love.  Go out and get ‘em. You can do it.”

Suave: “Gingrich can’t believe it!  K-Roy is pissed.  Trump endorses Romney….”

And we’ll see you Saturday at PCW Reno Rage for the big showdown.

Romney Rips Gingrich: PCW Tussle in Tallahassee Results

PCW Tussle in Tallahassee Results
Leon County Civic Center
Tallahassee, Florida
Tuesday January 31st, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Suave ran down the show.

The main event tonight is a four way Republican dance between K-Roy, representing Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen‘ Kevin Scott- ‘The Massachusett’s Red Blood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Jim Schmidt- Ron Paul (R-TX).

Also on the show, Kathryn Randall Collins (D) to put her PCW Women’s title on the line against Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R).

O’Beck Bahama (D) Retires
Suave announced that former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama had a recurrence of Post Concussion Syndrome after taking a chairshot from Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America nearly two weeks ago on PCW Politics is War and has retired from pro wrestling for good.

Bahama walked out to a standing ovation from the Tallahassee crowd and thanked everyone.

Then backstage, PCW Daniel-San ruffled a lot of feathers with his remarks about his recent ‘rebirth.’

Daniel-San’s ‘Turn’
[After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring.  Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again.  However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora.

 Salinas, an independent with no real allies to come to her rescue, was obliterated by the four on one attack and then decked by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off.  Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match.  However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so.  Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.]

Daniel-San: “That’s right.  I beat up a woman.  But not just any woman- so they say.  The great Valora Salinas.  The Queen of Hardcore.  Former Wrestling Midwest champion.  Former Missouri Valley Wrestling champion.  The woman who could kick any man’s ass in the ring.  And I made her tap.  I stopped her alleged ‘path of rage’ through PCW.  I did that- why?  Because, one, I’m that good and, two,  that’s what I get paid to do.  Let me reiterate this- that’s what I get paid to do.  So when one of my ‘fans’ comes up to me and whines that I fired Mrs. Miyagi, my former manager…”

 *Daniel-San fires Mrs. Miyagi
[Daniel-San (R) comes out with John Creese and the Cobra Cons and calls Mrs. Miyagi out.  As Creese et all look menacingly on, Daniel-San tells Mrs. Miyagi that he will describe her factor in his success in one word: Failure.  The crowd starts to boo.  Daniel-San says Mrs. Miyagi was a failure of a manager, a failure at managing his career, and a failure as a human being.

Daniel-San: “John Creese has shown me the right path to take.  So as of now, Mrs. Miyagi, you’re fired!”

 Again, the crowd boos and debris flood the ring.  Daniel-San calls the audience a bunch of jealous wannabes who’d give anything to be in his position right now.  He now has money, power, and prestige.]

Daniel-San: “…aw, poor Mrs.Miyagi.  How about, welcome to the real world.  If you perform.  If you produce.  You are rewarded.  If you don’t; well, you get fired.  It’s funny, when one of my former fans comes up to me and wants to know why I’ve done what I’ve done- it’s because I am paid to do so.  Why did I hook up with John Creese and his Cobra Cons?  Because they paid me the most to join them.  That’s right, I joined the Republicans because their price was right.  And before you Democrats, start up, be assured, they offered me a whole boatload of money too to join their side.  John Creese’s offer was better.  Let me remind you again, I am a professional wrestler.  I wrestle- I get paid.  I’m the PCW champion; I get paid that much more.  It’s not because of the love of the sport.  It’s because I get paid!”

Suave is still in disbelief that Daniel-San joined the dark side and the Republican Establishment.  There was no comment back from PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I).

MATCH #1- PCW Women’s Title Match
Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK)
vs.
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (D) w/Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)

Jones didn’t wait and immediately took a side headlock on KRC.  KRC tried to whip her to the ropes but The Eskimo Queen decked her with a shoulder block.  KRC hit a dropkick and took Jones down.  She grabbed the leg and looked for a Figure Four.  Jones stuck her big boot in KRC’s back and kicked her into the ropes.  KRC came back out and Jones nailed a belly to belly suplex and made the cover for a pin.   KRC kicked out at two!…

…Jones lifted KRC for the Eskimo Pieface.  KRC slid out and rolled from the ring!  KRC with a baseball slide!!  Jones swatted her away.  Emily List from behind with a forearm to the head of the Eskimo Queen!  KRC climbed to the top rope and came off with a missile dropkick!!  Here comes Palin!  She raced around the ring and got ambushed by Code Pink.  Palin on the floor.  Emily List hit some kicks to the chest.  Code Pink walked over to Palin…GLITTER BOMB!

Jones back in the ring.  She ducked a KRC right hand and rolled her up.   Code Pink hopped into the ring and…GLITTER BOMB to the Eskimo Queen.  KRC grabbed the blinded Jones and hit a German suplex.  Jones on the mat.  KRC kicked her in the head!   KRC covered…1…2…3.

WINNER @9:25 AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (D)

KRC rolled the groggy Jones from the ring.  List and Code Pink drug Palin into the ring and put her into the corner for some more chest kicks.  They moved Palin up to the top turnbuckle and hit a doubleteam Superplex.  Then this appeared on the screen…

Suave: “Great.  A movie about the 2008 election by Hollywood, who hates Sarah Palin.  Biased anyone?”

Video: “Game Change,” the full-length trailer « Hot Air

The Trailer For HBO’s Game Change Depicts Sarah Palin ‘On The

HBO’s Sarah Palin-bashing “Game Change” trailer | Mofo Politics

Code Pink and List continued to berate Palin while in the back, the Republicans debated what to do about it.

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) wanted to run in and stop the left wing spectacle.  But PCW Champion  Daniel-San (R), his advisor/manager John Creese, and Republican leadership made it clear that Scott wasn’t to do so.

Suave: “And the Republican Establishment won’t lift a finger to help her because they don’t like her either.  She’s screwed.”

Finally, The Tea Party: Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay ran out to break up the mauling.

In the Democratic locker room, KRC, Code Pink, and Emily List was given a hero’s welcome by the Left Wing/Progressive Elitists.

In the Republican locker room, the establishment shrugged and moved on to other business.

MATCH #2- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Kourtney)
vs.
Dave the Mechanic (AmerHeartland) w/Tequila Sheila

Bobby Bare’s ‘Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila’ played and out came the challenger Dave the Mechanic and his valet, cocktail waitress Tequila Sheila.

Chism puts a pair of designer gloves on so he won’t have to put his hands on the ‘ordinary’ Dave.

Chism hits the Hollywood Blockbuster over four minutes into the match and makes quick work of Dave the Mechanic.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TV CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 4:40

After the match, Chism threw Tequila Sheila out of the ring and continued to attack Dave the Mechanic.  ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) finally came to Dave’s defense.

Then Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment.  He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.

Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.)  What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”

Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans.  ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) ran out and attacked Scott for attacking the Hollywood Left and they brawled all the way to the back.

Suave then pondered who would wrestle for Mitt Romney in the Florida Four Way Dance.  We’d find out soon enough.

MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)

The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp.  First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons.  The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp.  Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus.  Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…

Yamamoto Tanaka
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order.  K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.

WINNER:  Yamamoto Tanaka

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After the match, Tanaka shook hands with Priebus, Priebus handed him a briefcase full of cash, cementing Tanaka’s move to the Republicans.

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