Romney in Talks With Rubio?: PCW Extreme Political TV Returns

PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday June 18th, 2012
Bishop Rosecrans High School Gym
Zanesville, OH
Announcer: Johnny Suave

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: The Sanderman (D)
PCW BLUE CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW RED CHAMPION: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Miss USA
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Valora Salinas

#1 SINGLES CONTENDER:
- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER:
- Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

#1 WOMEN’S CONTENDER:
- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)


PCW Television Champion Valora Salinas

Valora comes to the ring holding the PCW Television title belt high in the air.  She observes that there’s a lack of Republicans and Democrats in the building tonight.  That’s because they have their own shows in larger venues.  They thought they could get over on her but both sides keep forgetting one thing- she is Valora Salinas, she is PCW’s Queen of Extreme, and she can’t be bought and paid for by anyone.

The crowd in the gym stands and lets out a roar while a ‘Queen of Extreme’ chant fires up.

Valora verbally assaults the Republicans and Democrats and proclaims that she’d rather be with ‘real’ people than a bunch of political bull**** artists.  She adds now that she is the PCW Television champion both sides have a little problem- they won’t be able to sweep her under the rug just like both parties do with average Americans.  She sticks her face right in front of the camera lens and tells PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) and Republican Mitt Romney (R-MA) to get used to seeing her because as the PCW Television champion they’re going to see her all the time.  

Valora: The revolution starts tonight!   We are going to take PCW back from the politicians and give it back to YOU!”

Again the crowd roars and a “PCW” chant begins.

Valora is about to finish up her remarks when something strange happens…

Johnny Suave: Oh, no!  Not Bird Call Guy from the U.S. Open!

Bird Call Guy jumps in front of the camera and starts doing bird calls.  Valora stews for a couple seconds and then decks the man with a forearm shiver to the back.  She drags him back up and DDT’s him back to the mat.  Then she yanks off the Union Jack hat and starts to choke him with it. 

Democrats Office Backstage
PCW CEO Barack Obama, his aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE), and PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) watch in horror as Valora chokes out Bird Call Guy. 

Obama tells Reid ‘that’s terrible’ and to do something to get the belt off of Valora.  Reid asks Obama why doesn’t he take action himself?  Obama tells him to go John Boehner, PCW Competition Committee Chief and get it done.  That way, he can stand above the fray.

Reid leaves just as security arrives in the ring to separate Valora from Bird Call Guy.

Bird Call Guy gets stretchered out. 

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job!  Good effort!

MATCH #1
Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow‘s long lost, black sheep brother no one knew he had w/suspended St. Louis Ram Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams and suspended New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton
vs.
Steve Torino- the King of Old School Sales


Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother

Torino uses his old school sales charm to control the match early on.  He nearly gets the pin after using his briefcase to nearly decapitate Tebow.  But Tom uses that ‘never say die, never surrender’ attitude his brother Tim espouses with a little minor interference from Williams and Payton to get the pin at 7:15.

Post match, Williams tells Tebow to take out Torino’s head.  Concussion kick on the way but then NFL Boss Roger Goodell and his henchmen hit the ring.  Goodell and his goons drag Williams, Payton, and Tom Tebow out of the ring and to the back.

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

Backstage
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Brad Company.

Company, if you remember, filed suit against PCW CEO Obama for making him purchase health insurance.  Bernstein asks him if he’s nervous about the upcoming PCW Super Court ruling on Obama’s health care inititive.  Company says no and that he feels that the Super Court will vindicate his belief that he, nor anyone else, should be forced to purchase health insurance. 

BACKSTAGE
Marco Rubio (R-FL) slips out of Mitt Romney’s room.

Suave: Could Rubio be Romney’s running mate in the fall?  Let’s find out.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein catches up with Rubio and asks him.

Rubio:  I made a decision a long time ago not to discuss the [vice presidential] process, and that’s not going to change today.  I’m pretty confident he’s going to make an excellent choice. I think those of us involved in politics and supportive of him should give him the space to do that.

Bernstein persists but Rubio deflects the question and the interview ends.  As Rubio leaves, the ‘good job, good effort’ kid from Miami walks up to Bernstein.

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

Bernstein: Shut up.

PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) and PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) are in the ring.  They announce tonight’s main event will be a three way dance for the PCW Television title between champion Valora Salinas, Democrat ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist of the Green World Order, and Republican Texas Jack.

BACKSTAGE
PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA talks to Valora about her upcoming match. 


PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA

She pledges to be in Valora’s corner.  Valora thanks her and then the PCW Television champion leaves. 

Ann Romney, Mitt Romney’s wife, then comes up and asks to talk with Miss USA.  Miss USA tries to leave but ends up going into a room to talk with Ms. Romney.

MAIN EVENT- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH:
Champion Valora Salinas
vs.
‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist (D) w/GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA of the Green World Order
vs.
Texas Jack (R)

Both Rube and Jack are escorted to the ring by a cadre of Democrat and Republican operatives. 

Suave: It looks like both parties are determined to get the belt off of the independent, Valora Salinas.

The match is what you would expect from Valora Salinas.  Hardcore.  She brings out the cheese grater early on and carves up Rube’s face with it. But Texas Jack brings the extreme Lone Star state style and brawls with Valora outside the ring.  Jack hits the Lone Star Lariat on the outside and then leaves Valora to go back into the ring to finish off Rube.  

Rube eliminated.  Valora recovers and decks Jack and it’s on again.  This time, Valora gets the upper hand and it looks like she’s going to get the pin.  Then both sides hit the ring and attack her.  Hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned, Valora is in big trouble.

*’Can You Hear the People Sing’ from Les Miserables plays*

Suave: HOLY CRAP! 

Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coaltion lead Blackwell’s Les Miserables to the ring to rescue Valora.  Then the Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay) run down to the ring as well.  They get in front of Valora and a stare down between them and the Republicans/Democrats ensues as the show ends.

BACKSTAGE
PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA leaves the meeting with Ann Romney.

Suave:  I thought she was going to be with Valora no matter what.  What the hell?

EpilogueL:As Texas Jack and ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube stumble back to their dressing rooms…

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Ohio: Marcy Kaptur (D) versus “Joe the Plumber” aka Samuel Wurzelbacher (R)

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

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