Romney’s Bane is….Bain/’Ted’ Takes Over PCW

PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday July 16th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave: Hello!  And welcome to PCW Extreme Political TV.  I am Johnny Suave and this past weekend was a tough one for the Republican‘s Mitt Romney (R-MA).

PCW Red Brand House Show- Birmingham, AL
It’s Magnum PO’d (R) matched up with the Main Street Mafia’s Brian King (R).  Suddenly, a large man comes to the ring.  He climbs in and destroys both Magnum and King.  Then Robyn Masters jumps on his back.  The man flips her over, lift, chokeslam.

Suave: The Democrats unleashed their new weapon on the Republicans and his name is Bain.  B-A-I-N.   Not Bane…B-A-N-E.  He’s a intellectually trademarked character of Marvel Comics.  So let’s get this straight.

Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.

Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

Got it?

Suave: Bain struck again the next night at Red Brand’s show in Hot ‘Lanta.

PCW Red Brand Show- Atlanta, GA
Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Dan Van Dam.  Bain runs out again during the match and flattens both Walstreit and Van Dam.

Then later on in the show…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich of the Religious Right (R) vs. Texas Jack (R).  Again, Bain runs out and wipes out both men in the ring and then leaves.

Suave: It seemed as if the Democrats were going to use Bain to whack Romney and the Republicans again and again and again.

Romney came out to discuss the situation with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Romney told Bernstein that the Democrats were going too far in exploiting Bain for their gain.

This, of course, brought out Bain who confronted Romney.  Bain appeared to bump Mitt.  Romney shoved Bain back.  Suddenly, David Axelrod (D), an Obama aide, came screaming down the aisle and claimed Romney just committed a felony by hitting Bain.

Axelrod called Romney a felon and the big man was about to respond himself when PCW Red Brand Champion Yamamoto Tanaka hit the ring and tackled Bain.  Tanaka and Bain brawled all the way to the back.

1) PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA vs. Soccer Mom (D) w/New Age Sensitive Guy- non-title match


PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA

Soccer Mom dawdles getting into the ring and keeps shouting “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!”  Finally Miss USA climbs to the top rope and hits a missile dropkick on Soccer Mom before she enters in the ring.  The ref finally calls for the bell.

Soccer Mom goes for the Shin Guard but Miss USA reverses it with a hard body push.  Miss USA with a clothesline.   Soccer Man staggers around the ring.  Miss USA starts to climb the top rope but New Age Sensitive Guy intercepts her.  He apologizes and then starts pounding her with lefts and rights.  Finally, Miss USA goes low with a knee and doubles New Age Sensitive Guy over.  The she climbs on his back and hits a Patriot Missile dropkick on Soccer Mom.  Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Miss USA

Afterwards, Code Pink runs in and clocks her from behind.  Code Pink kicks away at Miss USA on the ground.  Then Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, still apologizing by the way, joins in.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd stands and cheers.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

The door opens and large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp.

Her assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The twenty bodyguards assist Ms. Berg into the ring. She, her assistant, and two bodyguards immediately go to a corner.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

Berg continues to talk on her cell phone.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The crowd rises to their feet when her bodyguards attack Code Pink, Soccer Mom, and New Age Sensitive Guy.  The Jill Berg wades in.  Spear to Code Pink.  Jackhammer slam.  Buzzsaw kick to Soccer Mom.  Buzzsaw kick to the balls of New Age Sensitive Guy.  They’re all laid out in the ring.

Then she launches herself at Miss USA.  Spear.  Jackhammer slam!  Basement dropkick!

Crowd: “JILLLL-BERG!  JILLLL-BERG!”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Bernstein says the PCW fans want to know why he’s wrestled so little since winning the PCW title.  

The Sanderman tells Bernstein it’s none of their business.  His union contract explicitly states that he only has to defend the title once a month and that’s what he’s going to do.

Bernstein brings up this…

FROM PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8- MATCH #6 PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Can Tanaka pick up a second belt and become a four time PCW champion?

Not tonight. Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi come to the ring and order The Sanderman back to the dressing room. The crowd goes nuts as the referee counts him out and awards the match to Tanaka.

Suave: But The Sanderman keeps the title belt because Tanaka didn’t pin him.

John Boehner (R-OH) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) fly down the aisle to the ring to argue with the referee.

Finally, PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder is called to the ring to mediate the controversy. He listens to Boehner and McConnell and then rules in favor of the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D). Boehner and McConnell can’t believe it and Holder makes a…fast and furious…exit.

The Sanderman becomes upset and tells Bernstein it’s none of his business, either.  He’ll defend the title when he’s good and-..

Out of nowhere, a furry blur tackles the PCW Champion, unleashing a killer string of profanity and pounding The Sanderman with clubbing lefts and rights.

Suave: WHO THE HELL IS THIS?


Ted E. Dangerously

Suave: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.

The Sanderman manages to get up but Dangerously, a five and a half foot tall oversized stuffed teddy bear,  smashes a beer bottle over his head and busts him open.

Suave: Seriously?

Ted: What’s more unbelievable?  An oversized, stuffed foul mouthed talking bear beating the *bleep* out of the *bleep*-ing PCW Champion or a politician who actually gives a flying *bleep* about his constituents?

Suave: Okay…he makes a good point.

Suave then notes the return of…


Keith Olbermann

Suave: Wow.  I didn’t realize it’s been that long since Keith was unceremoniously dumped by Current TV.

Olbermann begins to talk when-

*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Olbermann can’t believe it when Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, still wearing clothing made in the USA, races down the aisle to the ring.

Kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Then another guest…


‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh

Limbaugh sees Olbermann in a crumpled heap in the ring and starts laughing.

WTF sees Limbaugh.  Turns to him.  Kick to the balls.  Lift.  Powerbomb through the timekeeper’s table.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

2) ‘Tin Cap’ Ray McAvay of the Tea Party w/ Average Joe and Tromeo vs. Hashiell Dammit
Dammit, he eats a high knee from McAvay.  But the literary legend gets some offense in dropping the Damn Elbow and then tosses McAvay into the corner. He hits McAvay with the Damn Boot, then hits the ropes and tries to clip the Damn Knee but misses.

Dammit, he goes for it again from behind but Tromeo sneaks in with a seven iron and attacks the back.  McAvay gets front face lock then hits a dropkick and ducks a Damn Clothesline, Dammit.  McAvay headbutts Dammit.  Then Tromeo tosses him the seven iron and McAvay, a superb ball striker, hits a left to right fade for the pin!


PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill

Dawn McGill is backstage.  She says it’s wrong and ridiculous that Big Oil (R) continues to gauge ordinary Americans with sky high gas prices and it’s time someone stood up to him.

Big Oil is already in the ring and invites McGill to come out and say that to his face.  Big Oil tells McGill she wants nothing to do with him and she’d better off to walk away before-

McGill strides to the ring with her kendo stick.  Big Oil gestures to her to bring it on.  McGill walks right up to Big Oil and with two hands swings the kendo stick straight up between his legs.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil’s eyes bug out and he topples over with his hands covering his crotch.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!…”

PCW Blue Brand Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) Promo
Chism says all Triple R (D) does is talk.  He beats the crap out of everyone, leave destruction in his wake…and then when it counts the most he loses.  Chism says Triple R is probably right, he should be the PCW Blue Brand champion.   Hell, he should be the PCW champion.  But he’s never been able to close the deal.  Chism claims to have the respect of Democrats.

This finally brings, Triple R out.  He claims that the crowd doesn’t respect Chism, they don’t even respect themselves.  Triple R calls Chism just another cog in the machine.

Chism says he is the PCW Blue Brand and Triple R is not.  What Triple R is is a bitter, underacheiving shell of a man.

PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-NV) walk out and tell both men to knock it off.  Reid tells Triple R he’ll get his shot at the PCW Blue Brand title next week on P-SPAN.  Until then, both men are to stay away from each other.

3) Three Way Tag Team Dance:
Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition
vs.
The Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe w/Sister Mary Marlboro (R)
vs.
The Chicago Boss Squad: Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle w/Boss Mark Ditka (D)

This one doesn’t even get started.  Bain…

Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.

Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

…hits the ring and wipes out Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic and the God Squad.

Romney and his people come to the ring to complain and demand an apology.  That brings out Axelrod who again alleges that Romney committed a felony by striking Bain.

Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) then joins in and tells Romney that he needs to put on his ‘big boy pants’ and deal with it.

Bain literally heaves both Rev. Hinnrich and Rev. Flambe out of the ring.  Then he lifts Blackwell up and all of a sudden…


PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill

McGill repeatedly whacks Bain in the knee with the kendo stick.  Down comes the Democrats and they swarm all over McGill.  Then Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic rally their troops and the independents rush in.

The Republicans charge in to make things even more chaotic.

Then to top it off…


Ted E. Dangerously

That’s right.  Ted E. Dangerously, lock and loaded with empty beer bottles, saunters down and starts nailing people left and right.

While this is all going on, Johnny Suave introduces Sir Paul McCartney and Bruce Springsteen.

Live Nation Defends Decision to Pull Plug on Springsteen-McCartney Jam- Wall Street Journal

McCartney and Springsteen promise to finish what they started Saturday night in London before authorities and the promoters made them end the show because of a strict 10:30 p.m. noise curfew.

Springsteen: “We’re not going to let them stop us tonight…ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR-

And the show ends.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 864 other followers

%d bloggers like this: