Akin Feeling All ‘Achy’ After Uproar

PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday August 20th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave reviewed the events that led to Red Brand Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (R) leaving PCW.  A clip from a press conference showed the 3 time champion citing ‘wrestling politics’ as the reason he was leaving and noted that he was screwed out of the title three different times in his tenure in PCW.

1. He was stripped of the title thanks to a boycott of PCW’s Kingman, Arizona house show by the Democrats over Arizona’s enaction of a controversial immigration law.  Tanaka no-showed the event per the Democrat‘s edict and under PCW rules forfeited the title to Average Joe.

2. At June’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8, PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) came out to the ring and then refused to wrestle, walking back to the locker room and giving Tanaka the count-out win.

3.  Wednesday night, The Sanderman again went to the back after the Independent/Unaffiliated group invaded and the match was called off.

Tanaka said yesterday that he is headed back to Japan to work at a promotion there.

Republican Leader Reince Priebus announced again with Tanaka dropping the title the new Red Brand Champion will be determined at the Republican Convention in Tampa, FL.

Suave recapped the weekend in PCW:

Blue Brand Show Results- Saturday in Cleveland, OH
Ron Denver (D) def. Paddy O’Kennedy (D) w/the Rocky Mountain High
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) def. Charlie Ranck (D) of the Chicago Boss Squad w/the Hollywood Blockbuster
Bain (D) destroyed Entitlement Eric
C.J. Lewis def. Hollywood Hallie in her PCW debut match

Triple R comes out and again demands a PCW Title match against Champion The Sanderman (D) at the Democratic National Convention.

PCW Blue Brand Champion Triple R (D) def. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee of the Green World Order in a non-title match.

Blue Brand Show Results- Sunday in Detroit, MI
Paddy O’Kennedy def. Ron Denver
Charlie Ranck def. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism
Hollywood Hallie def. C. J. Lewis
GreenPete def. Blue Brand Champion Triple R via DQ in a non-title match.

After the match, Triple R complained bitterly about ‘parity booking’ where if wrestler A beats wrestler B than wrestler B needs to defeat wrestler A to get his win back.

Triple R: “#@$# fairness.  @#$# trading wins back and forth.  You won’t beat the Republicans with this bull@#$# parity booking.”

Extreme Plaintiff Attorney R Felcher than walked out with Entitlement Eric (D)  and admonished Triple R for not being caring enough to his fellow wrestlers.  Felcher said PCW needs to “redistribute” the success of winning by allowing those with less talent than others, like Entitlement Eric, their opportunity to win.

R Felcher: “It’s the right, forward leaning thing to do!  After you’ve been the PCW Blue Brand champion for a couple weeks, you should drop the title to Entitlement Eric because it’ll be his turn to be the champion.”

That brought out PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV).  He tried to calm Triple R down but then booked on the fly a match for the PCW Blue Brand title with Triple R defending against…Entitlement Eric.  Reid added a stipulation: if Triple R wins- he’ll get his PCW title shot at the Democratic National Convention.

(1) PCW Blue Brand Title Match: Triple R (D) (c) vs. Entitlement Eric (D) w/Extreme Attorney R Felcher

Triple R walked to the middle of the ring and offered Entitlement Eric a free armbar.  Eric took it, tried it, and then ate a Mule Kick from Triple R to the nether regions.  R Felcher immediately protested to the referee.  Triple R Bulldogs Entitlement Eric to the mat.  Stomps to the back.  Rake across the back.  Triple R pulls Eric up…SLEEPER!  R Felcher again protests to the referee.  Entitlement Eric slowly nodded off.  He’s out.  Match over.

WINNER: Triple R @ 2:43

Suave then turned to the Republicans very interesting weekend.

Red Brand Show Results Sunday @ St. Louis, MO

All the big Red Brand stars (Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Magnum PO’d, Starz N. Stripes, and Texas Jack came out to make their intentions beknown that they were all gunning for the PCW Red Brand title.

But the big story of the night?  Todd Akin (R-MO) being interviewed by PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein:

“Pregnancies from rape are “really rare…what I understand from doctors.  If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

Magnum PO’d (R) def. Dan Van Dam
P.M. C. Banks (R) def. Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer in Banks debut match with his finisher- The Money Bomb
Starz N. Stripes and Texas Jack (R) def. 2 Live Gurus: Self help experts Guy Forgette and Jar Jar Banks
Corporate Might (Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit) (R) def. The Main Street Mafia (Brian King and Russ Smith) (R)
PCW Tag Team Champions Scott Walker’s Rangers (John and Ronnie Walker) (R) def.  The Bookworms (Dean Barnes and Kevin Noble)

Mitt Romney (R-MA) walked out of a meeting with some aides…

Romney: “I can’t defend him, I can’t defend…THAT…”

Who?  Todd Akin (R-MO).  He stayed in the room and admitted he misspoke.

Suave: “That’s an understatement.”

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) advised Akin to ‘reconsider his options.’  Akin said he would do what it took to get back on good footing at the end of the show tonight.

(2) ‘The Fighting Farmer from Forest City, IA‘ John Deer vs. ‘Sparkly Vampire’ Edward Collen

A crush of pre-teens rushed to the edge of the ring as Collen, all sparkly as ever, took off his sparkly robe.  Deer was making his PCW Independent/Unaffiliated debut.

…Collen choked Deer with a microphone cable on the floor.  He spun Deer around- DDT on the floor.  Collen moved back into the ring.  He climbed the top turnbuckle…suicide dive….MISSES!  Now it’s John Deer on the attack. Fist drop.   Deer picked up a Chicken Tractor and drops it on Collen.  Flying knee drop right to the gut by Deer.  Now what…a SHOVEL?  Deer raised the shovel and blasted Collen with it not once but TWICE = DOUBLE DIGGING!  John Deer now pulling Collen up to the top turnbuckle…PLOWBOY PLUNGE!  Cover…count the pin. …1 …2 …3.

WINNER: John Deer @ 8:49

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) wraps up a press availability session- his first since June.

Jake Tapper: “Don’t be a stranger!”

Obama: “I won’t!

Then he left with Entertainment Tonight’s Nancy O’Dell.

Inside Obama’s office, aides argue back and forth on whether to allow Blue Brand Champion Triple R (D) to challenge PCW Champion The Sanderman for the title at the DNC.

Back in the ring, Todd Akin (R-MO)  stood alone.

Akin: “I made that statement in error. Let me be clear. Rape is never legitimate. It’s an evil act, and it’s committed by violent predators,” he said. “I used the wrong words in the wrong way. What I said was ill conceived and it was wrong. For that I apologize.”

Suave noted Akin’s apology but wondered if that would be enough.  Then the Beastie Boy’s ‘Sabotage’ blared from the loudspeakers.

Heartland Champion
Dawn McGill

Suave: “Oh, dear…”

McGill strolled down to the ring holding a Singapore cane in one hand.  She slid into the ring.  Akin immediately tried to leave but McGill yanked him right back in.  *THWACK*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”


After whacking Akin like a human pinata, McGill launched him out of the ring and followed.  She picked him up by the scruff of the neck and flung him into the steel guardrail.  McGill lifted Akin up…ATOMIC DROP ONTO THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Mike Huckabee (R-AR) ran down and tried to convince McGill to stop.  She tossed him aside and whacked Akin a few more times with the Singapore cane.  Then back to the ring where she was joined by PCW newcomers the Brooklyn Bowler (complete with bowling ball inside bag), his valet the Barmaid, and Comic Book Bart (complete with large Captain America shield).

McGill took the Captain American shield and put it on Akin’s groin area.

Suave: “What is she going to do?”

McGill then took the bowling bag and walked over to Akin.  She raised the bag and blasted Akin on the shield covering his groin immediately causing him to double up in excruciating pain.

Suave: “Holy…holy…crap…”

McGill directed traffic in the ring and the Brooklyn Bowler and Comic Book Bart sat Akin up in the corner and spread his legs.  McGill took the ball out of the bag, wound up, and fired a strike right down the middle…

Suave: “…holy…crap.”

Akin tipped over and the Republicans in the building all rushed out.

Suave then noted that pro wrestling had not seen anything like that since a September 1998 episode of PCW and said McGill did this tonight in tribute to ECW’s Innovator of Violence Tommy Dreamer.

Why Won’t We See The Presidential Race For What It Is, Wrestling …-juicytings.com/

Miss Cellania: Wrestling-misscellania.blogspot.com/

LB in Town: Politics and WWE-lbintown.blogspot.com/

Babes Anatomy: Just Jared – Daily Updates-babesanatomy.blogspot.com/

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