The show began with a recap of the commiseration over PCW CEO Barack Obama’s lackluster showing during the first PCW job interview.
Last Thursday’s PCW on P-SPAN
Backstage, Norah O’Donnell wondered why Obama didn’t use his ‘greatest hits’ to pummel Romney. Chris Matthews exclaimed, “What was he doing?” Eleanor Clift tried to reassure everyone that Romney did little to ‘fix his problem with the PCW rank and file.’ Gail Collins of the New York Times asked ‘do the debates really matter?”
Finally, the voice of reason emerged in the form of the Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore (D-TN)…
The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore
Gore: “ It was the thin air. Obama wasn’t acclimated to the thin air.”
Suave noted that that explanation was better than the one David Axelrod offered earlier in the show.
David Axelrod accused Mitt Romney of not being the Mitt Romney who debated Barack Obama last night. He said it was clear to everyone…or at least everyone on MSNBC and the Daily Kos…that Romney substituted an automaton to take his place. That’s the only reason Romney did so well.
Suave runs down the show and announces that tonight’s main event will be Republican Starz N. Stripes versus ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism- accompanied by Kim, Chloe, and Courtney aka the SRB- Skanky Rich Bimbos.
Suave then says that as a special treat, PCW is conducting polling tonight to determine who the fans think will win the match between Starz and Chism. First, it’s Scott Rasmussen. Rasmussen calls the match a ‘toss up’ and that the polling indicates an even split with a slight edge to two time former PCW Champion Starz.
Occupy Sesame Street (Bert and Ernie)
Tom Tebow (Jet Quarterback Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother no one knew he had) and Matt Sanchez (Jet QB Mark Sanchez‘s long lost cousin that no one also knew he had) with Ray Ryan (New York Jet Head Coach Rex Ryan’s long lost, never heard of before, third cousin on his father’s side extended and…oh, the hell with it)
Ryan gets on the mic before the bell and coins Tebow and Sanchez ‘Team Unity.’
Suave: “Yeah, good luck with that.”
Tebow and Sanchez argue about who’s going to start. Bert grabs a chair and immediately whaps Tebow. Sanchez bails. Bert follows and chases Sanchez down. Chair-assisted tope con hilo follows.
Back in the ring, Tebow miraculously reverses a powerbomb into one of his own. Legdrop off the second rope. He heaves Bert face- first into a chair. Tebow tries it again, but this time Bert reverses. Ernie blasts Tebow with a rubber duck. Bert clotheslines Tebow over the top rope and we’re back on the floor again. Ernie tags in and hits a running somersault off the apron. Bert throws Tebow back into the ring. Ryan tells Tebow to tag in Sanchez- which he does.
Sanchez in with a crescent kick and then nails Ernie with a running chairshot. Sanchez goes for a Dirty Sanchez splash…it’s best not to ask…but Ernie reverses an Ocean Cyclone Suplex and then nails Sanchez with the rubber duck again. Rollup by Ernie for two.
Tebow chugs a beer and then hits the ring. He punts Ernie in the balls (yes, apparently even muppets have balls). Sanchez suplexes him for two. Bert doesn’t appreciate that and smacks Tebow. He hits a slingshot legdrop on Sanchez and Ernie covers for two. Bert and Tebow both tag in.
Tebow works the armbar. Bert escapes and overshoots a moonsault. Tebow hits the Facebuster for two. Bert low bridges Tebow and crotches him on the bottom rope for good measure. Tebow goes to the top, but Bert powerbombs off the ropes for two. Sanchez back in and he gets caught by Bert. Victory roll from the top for two. Sanchez misses a dropkick and heads out. Bert catches Tebow with a top suicida. Tebow tags in Sanchez.
Sanchez runs into a slingshot clothesline for two. Bert goes back to the armbar and tags Ernie back in. Ernie misses with another rubber duck shot and Sanchez escapes and drops him on the mat face-first. Ryan pulls Ernie out and Tebow moonsaults off the apron, almost breaking his knees on the railing in the process. Ryan sets up a ridiculous spot by putting Ernie on the table in the front row, then setting up a chair in the ring. Tebow jumps on the chair, onto the top rope, and dives onto the table and puts Ernie through the table.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”
Back in the ring and Sanchez and Tebow argue about who is going to pin Ernie. Suddenly…
Suave: “Uh, oh.”
Angry Bert charges into the ring and drops Sanchez with an ugly powerbomb. Hurricanrana to Tebow. Bert with a moonsault on Tebow for two. Sanchez tries to hit one of his own and misses badly. Angry Bert powerbombs Tebow and covers…1…2…3
WINNER: Occupy Sesame Street (Bert and Ernie) @ 12:10
Post match, Sanchez and Tebow argue. Big Bird and Elmo run down and it’s a four on two beatdown. Big Bird grabs the microphone.
Big Bird: “Mitt Romney. You want to take us out. We’re going to take you out. So there!” He throws down the microphone and it bounces back and hits Bert in the nose.
Occupy Sesame Street, with Bert holding his nose and looking like a sad panda, then leaves.
Suave: “If I’m Obama, I don’t think I’d rely on Big Bird to regain the momentum you’ve lost in the last week.”
Liam Neeson is interviewed by PCW Cub Reporter Cubby O’Cubbonson. Liam Neeson, star in the new movie “Taken 2,” offered his take on the Occupy Sesame Street/Team Unity match. O’Cubbonson asked him about Tebow and Sanchez’s future. Neeson paused and finally responded…
Neeson: “Ok, we better start again. Are we live?”
Neeson then admitted that he doesn’t understand the whole political wrestling thing and that this was the first show he’s ever been to. O’Cubbonson then asked him about Tom Tebow and his wrestling ability.
O’Cubbonson: “What about Sanchez?”
Neeson: “F***! I hate to tell you, mate but you’re talking bloody Arabic to me. “
O’Cubbonson: “Do you think Ray Ryan is a good manager?”
Neeson: “I told you, I don’t understand this wrestling thing.”
O’Cubbonson: “Do you think Tim Tebow is a virgin?
O’Cubbonson: “Do you think Tim Tebow is a virgin? You’re a big Hollywood type. Surely you know what that- *ack*
Neeson grabs O’Cubbon by the throat.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! He doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t know what you want.”
Neeson rakes the eyes and elbows O’Cubbonson.
Suave: “Neeson has a very particular set of skills; skills acquired over a very long career.
Neeson steps on O’Cubbonson’s throat and says, “Don’t forget, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”
Suave: “Right. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like you.”
Neeson drags O’Cubbonson up.
Neeson: “If you let it go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”
Suave: “I think I’d just let it go.”
MSNBC’s Chuck Todd demands to go live with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein to respond to Scott Rasmussen’s poll numbers from earlier in the night. Todd denounces Rasmussen’s poll saying that the large sums of money at NBC’s, and vicariously MSNBC, disposal makes their poll more credible than the ‘slop’ that Rasmussen produces.
Bernstein then asks what NBC’s poll indicates- Todd says, of course, it’s a 60-40 split in favor of Democrat Stone Chism over Starz N. Stripes (R).
Suave: “Of course…”
William Daniels Bryan Promo
‘The Platte Populist’ paces the ring and tells the crowd that Heartland Champion Dawn McGill hasn’t done a very good job of promoting the Independent cause. He talks about the crowd booing both the Republicans and Democrats but in the end they don’t have a voice- the voice belongs to the special interest groups who control both factions.
Bryan claims McGill is responsible for the crowd’s ‘loss of voice’ and asks why does she call herself the Heartland champion when no one is following her crusade to reform PCW. He calls on McGill to accept his challenge for the Heartland title.
This brings Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition, and Dawn McGill’s cousin, to the ring. Blackwell says every movement takes time to develop and that his cousin refuses to ‘take shortcuts.’ Bryan says everything McGill’s done has been a slap to the face of the mid and lower card PCW wrestlers and then slaps Blackwell in kind. Blackwell decks Bryan and a referee runs to the ring.
William Daniels Bryan
They brawl outside. Bryan grabs a crutch from someone in the crowd and nails Blackwell in the groin with it. Bryan hits a legdrag and suplexes Blackwell on the railing. Bryan goes to the top rope and hits a plancha into the front row.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Back in the ring. Blackwell then works over Bryan’s knee. Blackwell delivers stiff right hands and Bryan collapses onto the ringside table. Back to the ring again. Blackwell hits the drop toehold onto the chair for two. Texas Lariat gets two. Blackwell hammers Bryan in the corner.
Backwell works a cross armbreaker but Bryan escapes and overpowers him. Bryan hits a quick german suplex for two. Blackwell slides out of the ring for a quick time out but Bryan climbs to the top turnbuckle. Springboard dropkick puts Blackwell on the floor. Bryan back up on the apron- follows up with a plancha. Bryan drags Blackwell back in. They work on the mat work. Out of nowhere, Bryan hits a suplex. Cover but Blackwell kicks out at two. Bryan gets a northern lights suplex for two. Bryan superkicks Blackwell and goes up, but…
McGill runs down and crotches Bryan on the top rope. Blackwell then goes for a superplex but is countered by Bryan landing on his feet. Bryan with a clothesline and grabs a chair. McGill jumps in and grabs the chair away from Bryan. She swings the chair and narrowly misses decapitating Bryan…and Blackwell.
The referee then tries to usher McGill from the ring. Bryan reaches down into his pocket and pulls something out. He turns to Blackwell and plasters him with some sort of foreign object. Blackwell’s down and out. The referee turns around and makes the count and Bryan wins.
WINNER: William Daniels Bryan @ 10:09
Suave wonders what Bryan used…close up indicates- a ‘Cross of Gold. ‘
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Triple R (D)
#1 SINGLES CONTENDER: P.M.C. Banks (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Jill Berg (R)
#1 TELEVISION TITLE CONTENDER: the winner of Kathryn Randall Collins (D)/C.J. Lewis (D) match Thursday night.
PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 Matches:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)
Plus, the decision- Barack Obama (D-IL) or Mitt Romney (R-MA) for PCW CEO
Scott Rasmussen and Chuck Todd in the ring arguing about who’s poll is the most accurate. They scatter when Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism hit the ring and immediately go at it.
Starz N. Stripes (R)
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos Kim, Chloe, and Courtney
Running knee by Chism and Starz gets tossed. Starz dodges a chair, but is whipped into the post. Starz fights back and dumps Chism with a clothesline. Backdrop suplex on the floor by Starz. Starz gets a legsweep and dumps him onto the table. Big elbow by Starz from the second rope and puts Chism through the table.
Chism fights back and they head into the crowd. He climbs on the top turnbuckle and does an insane somersault into the front row that squashes Starz. Chism clotheslines him over the railing again and suplexes him on the floor. They finally go back into the ring. Double-arm DDT by Chism gets two. Guillotine on the apron by the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List.’ He dives at Starz on the floor and hits the railing instead.
The Skanky Rich Bimbos protect Chism before Starz can smoke him with a chairshot. Starz pulls each SRB member off Chism and drags him through the crowd.
This brings down Code Pink and Emily S. List (D) who get on the mic and says what Starz just did epitomizes the Republican’s war on women.
Suave: “Actually, he was just getting them out of the way so he can-”
After laying Chism on a table, Starz climbs up on the top turnbuckle and does a suicide dive, putting him through the table.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”
Code Pink and List screech into the mic for the crowd to stop chanting.
The crowd roars.
Suave: “THAT’ SOUND! IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE PERSON!”
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb.
Suave: “IT’S PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION- JILL BERG!”
The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.
The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.
Berg hits the ring and Code Pink and Emily S. List immediately roll out.
Berg drags both back to the ring and then MURDERS both women with a chair. Then the PCW Women’s Champion clocks both Pink and List with spinning heel kicks. The SRB then attempt to intervene and they receive spinning heel kicks for their trouble.
Chuck Todd in the ring.
Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS CHUCK TODD DOING IN THE RING?”
Todd goes for Jill Berg. BACK-KICK TO THE BALLS.
Rasmussen then tackles Todd. Chism crawls back into the ring and pulls Rasmussen away. Then PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE) appears.
Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS JOE BIDEN DOING HERE?”
Paul Ryan (R-WI) then runs in and there’s a big staredown as the referee throws out the match and the show ends.
Suave: “Thursday night. Ryan-Biden PCW job interview!”
Filed under: 2012 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, conservative, Democratic Party, democrats, Independents, Joe Biden, joe six pack, Joe the Plumber, John McCain, Libertarian, Paul Heyman, political satire, political wrestling, Politics, Pro Wrestling, progressive, red state, Republican Party, republicans, Small Town America, Tea Party, Third Party, White House, wordpress political blogs Tagged: | Bert, Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, Chuck Todd, david axelrod, eleanor clift, Ernie, Liam Neeson, Mark Sanchez, Scott Rasmussen