PCW Rewind in Honor of Skydiver Felix Baumgartner

In honor of skydiver Felix Baumgartner, who successfully jumped from 24 miles up in the sky and landed safely near Roswell, New Mexico today…

Skydiver Baumgartner says he never felt in danger- USA Today

PCW brings back an event that took place in a 2009 PCW episode.  Stepping back into the wayback machine, let’s go back to June 2009 for a similar high flying feat that took place on PCW Extreme Political TV…

6/17/2009-PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
Taped last Saturday night at Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn in Chelsea, MI
HOST: Johnny Suave

MATCH #1
RED SHIRT GUY (Independent)
vs.
ANDY DOONEY (Independent)

Suave: “The action is already underway here on PCW Extreme Political TV. We have two rookie wrestlers trying to impress the PCW brass here tonight. Red Shirt Guy is dedicated to honoring Star Trek’s men in the red shirts who always seemed to be doomed to certain death on away teams. Andy Dooney is a newcomer wrestling his first match ever.” Red Shirt Guy clotheslines Dooney and climbs the top rope. Suave: “Flying elbow on the way…GOT IT! He turns Dooney over for the pin…and he’s leaving?” Red Shirt Guy slides out of the ring and sprints to the back.

The camera follows him as he flies through the front doors and races to a waiting limousine. The limo speeds off.  Suave: “Okay. That was weird…what? The match isn’t over yet? Okay…whatever you say.”

Later on in the show…

RED SHIRT GUY (Independent) vs. ANDY DOONEY (Independent) continued…
Red Shirt Guy jumps out of the limo and scrambles to a waiting plane…

Later on…

RED SHIRT GUY (Independent) vs. ANDY DOONEY (Independent) continued…
Red Shirt Guy’s private jet takes off from the airport towards an undisclosed location…

Later on…

RED SHIRT GUY (Independent) vs. ANDY DOONEY (Independent) continued…
The plane lands on a small airstrip at Cape Canaveral. Red Shirt Guy is whisked from the plane and taken away in a NASA vehicle.

And finally- later on…

PCW GOES LIVE…

Johnny Suave sits at a table in the patio of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon. A wrestling ring sits directly behind him and Andy Dooney lays on the canvas- the same position he was when the Red Shirt Guy-Dooney match was suspended. Suave stands on the ring apron watching the sky forelornly.

Suave: “Hey, everyone. Johnny Suave here live at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon. We originally going to show the match between Jack and Bull Schett and Cadillac and Jaguar but as you may know- some breaking news intervened and that match can be seen next Wednesday here on PCW Extreme Political TV. The news has been flying around from the EWrestling Zine to the EWNexus to the EWTorch about what went down with High Octane Television…hold on…” Suave looks behind him and does a doubletake.

Joe Biden walks to a podium. Suave: “Hold on. All right, at this time, PCW CEO Barack Obama’s aide de camp, Joe Biden, will address what took place.

Biden stands behind the podium in front of the wrestling ring. Dooney is now playing cards with Suave in the ring to keep himself busy.

Jake Tapper raises his hand. Jake: “Joe, I’m a little confused here. Is PCW officially upset about this or not?” Biden: “TONIGHT! ONE OF OUR PCW BOYS IS GOING TO GO ONE BETTER!”  Jake: “Joe, what the hell are you trying to say?” Biden: WHAT AM I TRYING TO SAY? JAKE OPEN YOUR ****-ING EYES AND LISTEN! WE ARE GOING TO DO THE BIGGEST, BADDEST, HIGHSPOT EVER IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! IT’S GOING TO KICK TOTAL A–”  PCW CEO Barack Obama walks in…Obama turns and sees Johnny Suave and Andy Dooney sitting and playing cards in the ring. Barack: “Uh Joe? Why is there a ring set up behind me?” He notices Suave in the ring. Barack: “Johnny, how are you?” Suave half waves and goes back to the card game. Barack: “And why is Johnny Suave and Andy Dooney in the ring playing cards?” Biden: “Um…well…no reason…really.” Suave throws down a card and wins the hand. Dooney throws down his cards in disgust. Barack: “O-kay. Well, unless anyone has any more questions.”

Jake Tapper raises his hand. Barack: “Jake?” Jake: “Mr. CEO, Joe Biden said something a few minutes ago about the ‘biggest, baddest highspot ever in professional wrestling that will, and I quote here, kick total ass.’ Um…can you elaborate on that?” Barack: “Huh?” Obama looks at Biden. Biden looks sheepish. Barack: “Joe? What is he talking about?” Biden: “Well…you see…the other weekend Lee Best fell 40 feet from a helicopter. We were going to…um…top that.” Barack: “With what?” Biden covers his mouth so he can’t be heard. Barack: “What?” Biden again covers his mouth and responds. Barack: “Joe? What did you do?”

REPLAY: MORNING NEWS COVERAGE OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE LIFT-OFF
Red Shirt Guy, mission Commander Mark Polanksy, and the other six astronauts board the Space Shuttle Endeavor. The shuttle takes off early this morning.

Barack: “You didn’t.” Biden smiles. Barack: “We have to stop him. There’s no way he’ll make it through the atmosphere.” Biden: “He won’t?” Barack: “NO!” Biden: “Oh. Who’ve thunk that.” Barack goes to a live feed on the shuttle.

LIVE FEED FROM THE SHUTTLE PAYLOAD BAY
The Shuttle payload bay doors are open. It’s complete chaos as Red Shirt Guy struggles with the other 7 astronauts. “You can’t do that. You’ll die.” Red Shirt Guy pushes one astronaut away. “Only an idiot would think he’d survive a fall like that.” Red Shirt Guy gives another astronaut a stunner. The astronaut flops twenty feet into the air before returning to the payload bay floor. Red Shirt Guy follows with a missile drop kick and sends an astronaut flying forty feet across the Bay where he slams into the payload bay wall. One astronaut grabs him from behind. Backkick to the groin. Backfist by Red Shirt Guy sends the astronaut flying into another wall. Red Shirt Guy: “BANZAI!” He leaps from the shuttle in the elbow drop position and hurtles back towards Earth.”

Suave looks up in horror. Suave: “HOLY CRAP (in slow motion) N-NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Everyone turns and looks up. Red Shirt Guy’s voice: “WOW! THIS IS GREAT! I CAN SEE…THE WHOLE WORLD MAN, THIS IS AWESOME!” Dooney lays back down on the mat and prepares for the spot.

Red Shirt Guy’s voice: “Hey…it’s starting to get a little warm up here…” Biden: “Maybe someone should go cover that guy in the ring.” Suave starts slapping Biden. Biden: “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!…” Red Shirt Guy’s voice: “…Actually, it’s getting rather toasty up here…*sniff* *sniff* hmmm, something’s burning…I wonder what it could be?” Barack slaps his forehead, sighs, and starts shaking his head. Red Shirt Guy’s voice: “…Oh…I see…my suits on fire……MY SUITS ON FIRE? ARRGHHHHH- *STATIC*

*SONIC BOOM*

Small fireball.

All: “OOOOOOOOOOH!”

Pretty light show.

All: “AAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Suave’s demeanor turns from shock and awe to normal. Suave: “Well, who’s up for a beer? I’m buying.” Barack: “Right…no more questions.” Barack leaves and drags Biden with him…

Well, anyways.  Congratulations to Felix on his accomplishment.

About these ads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 864 other followers

%d bloggers like this: