Mourdock, Akin, Coulter- WTF?: PCW Extreme Political TV- Part 3

BACKSTAGE- ICU President Pat McQuaid
After scouring the landscape, looking for someone…ANYONE…who’s not involved in cycling’s doping scandal, McQuaid returns to the podium to announce the new winner of the Tour de France…9 year old Tommy Flanagan of Fort Pierce, Florida.

Back in the ring, Richard Mourdock (R-IN) claims that his comments concerning contraception after rape were taken out of context.

Mourdock: I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape that it is something God intended to happen.”

Mourdock admits that his comments were ‘inelegantly stated’ and ‘mischaracterized’ by the Democrats.  Then much to everyone’s surprise…or maybe not…Todd Akin (R-MO) joins him in the ring.

Akin says at least Mourdock’s opponent isn’t a dog who plays fetch by bringing Missouri red tape, bureaucracy, and executive orders like Claire McCaskill (D-MO) does.

Suave: “Guys…really?  Are we going there?”

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the aisle to the ring.  He grabs Mourdock…kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Akin turns to run…grab…kick to the balls…lift…chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW…PCW…PCW!

BACKSTAGE
Ann Coulter is talking with someone about the PCW Job Interview with Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.  Coulter’s reaction:

“I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT…AGAIN!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall and grabs Coulter…kick to the…um…yeah…lift…chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

***

***

Suave: “Now, if the rest of the political ads were like this, I wouldn’t have to mute my television every five seconds.”


Heartland Champion Dawn McGill

McGill in the ring and issues an open challenge.

McGill: “On behalf of the Gary Johnsons, Jill Steins, the Virgil Goodes and Rocky Andersons, who deserve to be in the same discussion as Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, I am out here to offer an open challenge to anyone, who’s not a Republican and Democrat, but one of us, who wants a shot at this…

She holds up the Heartland Title belt.

McGill waits…

Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Thank you for all the joy and pain
Picture show,
second balcony,
was the place we’d meet
Second seat,
go dutch treat,
you were sweet

Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Save those lies,
darling don’t explain
I recall Central Park in fall
How you tore your dress,
what a mess, I confess
That’s not all

Suave: “IT’S NEW PCW SIGNEE DONKA SHANE!”

Shane-the German import, walks to the ring and takes McGill’s challenge.

(3) Heartland Title Match: Dawn McGill (c) vs. Donka Shane
Shane doesn’t make it to the ring.


PCW Champion Triple R (D)

PCW Champion Triple R (D) jumps him on the ramp.  The Chicago Boss Squad: Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle (D) hit the ring and Dawn’s out numbered.   Triple R kills Shane on the ramp but then help arrives.


Charlie Blackwell

Charlie Blackwell runs in with a chair and hits everyone in sight. He tries to powerbomb Triple R but the MSNBC gang race in to make the save.  Now it’s Blackwell in trouble as Triple R jacks him up for a powerbomb of his own but …


Mike the Mechanic

Mike the Mechanic is back in the ring and HE’S got a chair.  Unfortunately, the MSNBC/Chicago Boss Squad outnumber Mike and it doesn’t end very well.

Then it’s Fox News back out and they get into it with MSNBC.

McGill is back in with a chair and she lays out anyone she gets near to.  Donka Shane, now back up and running, gets in the way and takes a shot to the back by McGill and he’s out again.  Ranck and Fyle- down.  Triple R gets a chair but McGill goes low and then blasts the PCW champion with a chair shot.

With McGill, Blackwell, and Mike the Mechanic battling both parties, Suave wonders where the hell William Daniels Bryan is.


Royal dilettante Pippa Middleton

Suave: “Oh yeah.  Guess I can’t blame him.

Finally, a voice yells ‘STOP!’ several times before the action finally winds down in the ring.


PCW Hall of Famer “No Frills” Chris Escondido

Escondido’s achievements in PCW: PCW Champion in 2006, 3 time Television Champion in 2008 and 2009, and Tag Team Champion in 2009 with Starz N. Stripes.

Escondido says enough.  It’s time someone gave this show a little focus…a little leadership.  Escondido tells the crowd it’s clear the Democrats and Republicans only care about monopolizing the PCW titles and running their shows at more…exclusive…venues.   He says ‘let them.’  But this is going to stop tonight.

He tells McGill that she and Bryan need to settle their differences once and for all.  They’ll do that in two weeks, the night before PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

Escondido tells the MSNBC, Fox News, Republicans, and Democrats in the ring that tonight he’s making a prediction.  He predicts that the winner of the McGill-Bryan showdown will make a ‘significant contribution’ at Extreme Election Night 2012 because Independents will be the deciding factor in who leaves with not only the PCW title but who will be the next PCW CEO.

Escondido makes it clear to both Obama and Romney that they’d better start doing a better job of taking care of the mid and lower card wrestlers if they want their support in two weeks.

Suave: McGill vs. Bryan in two weeks for the Heartland Title!  Two weeks to go before PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.  We’ll see you later.

Extreme Election Night 2012 Card:

Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D)
Montana- Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester (D)
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Women’s Title Match:
Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

PCW Title Match:
Triple R (D) © vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Plus, the decision- Barack Obama (D-IL) or Mitt Romney (R-MA) for PCW CEO

 

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