MSNBC, Fox News, Lance Armstrong: PCW Extreme Political TV- part 2

Part Two

MSNBC‘s Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Martin Bashir come to ringside and take up a broadcast position to the left of Johnny Suave.

Suave: “Makes sense.”

Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Megyn Kelly follow and they take a broadcast position to the right of Suave.

Suave: “Makes sense, too.”

Bashir shouts over to the Fox people and calls them partisan water bucket carriers and cheerleaders masquerading as a news network.

Suave: “That might be true.  But it’s also the pot calling the kettle black.”

Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych, dressed in a Detroit Tigers‘s uniform, comes out and makes an announcement- he’s changing his name to Justin Zoolander.  He takes his cap off and his hair sticks up like Ben Stiller‘s did in the film “Zoolander.”

Zoolander says the Giants are going to crash and burn and makes an open challenge to the back.


Big Oil (R) of Corporate Might

Suave: “Great.  Big Oil’s in a pissy mood as it is with the big drop in gas prices at the pump over the past few days.”

(1) Justin Zoolander vs. Big Oil (R)

The bell rings and Big Oil lumbers out.  Big Oil swats at Zoolander.  Zoolander fires a hard right hand that connects.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS!”

Big Oil lurches forward again and misses.  Zoolander with a second hard right hand.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS!”

Anger building, Big Oil stomps forward and reaches for Zoolander.  He ducks and fires two hard right hands to the gut.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS…Fast-BALLS!”

Zoolander launches himself into the ropes.  He runs towards Big Oil, right hand cocked…

Crowd: “Faaaaaaast-”

…and Big Oil grabs him by the throat and lifts him into the air.  Zoolander wildly kicks and one catches Big Oil in the groin.

Crowd: “Low-BALL!”

Big Oil drops Zoolander and bends over.  Zoolander back to his corner and changing one of his shoes out for boots?

Suave: “Now he wants to changes shoes?  What the hell is he doing?”

He pulls on a Magnum brand Stealth Force 8.0 SZ Waterproof Ion Mask workboot and goes over to Big Oil.  He steps on Big Oil’s foot and then kicks him in the nuts a second time sending the big guy down in a huge heap.

Suave: “Whoa, Magnum!  It’s the new look for finishing off your opponent.”

Zoolander covers…1..2..3.

BACKSTAGE


‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

Bryan is not a happy man.


Royal dilettante Pippa Middleton dances once again for the PCW crowd.

Bryan is much happier now.

In the ring, Democrats Code Pink and Emily S. List address the crowd.

Code Pink: “There’s a reason why Independents have been taken off the main PCW shows.  Democrats are poised to win back the PCW Women’s and Tag Team titles at Extreme Election Night 2012.  The addition of an Independent wrestler creates a dangerous scenario where someone other than a Democrat could win the match.”

Emily S. List: “We can’t have Republicans holding the PCW Women’s belt when they’re at war with women.”

Code Pink: “And the PCW Tag Team belts belong with the saviors of the Middle Class- Big Union!”

Emily S. List: “So all you little people.  Stand up with our friends from Hollywood and sing along with us!”

George Clooney, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eva Longoria, and others hit the ring and sing:

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Barbra Streisand steps forward….

We’ve all come together
Come together for a cause
The fact it exists
Just really pisses us off

Next, Mariah Carey, smartly dressed up in a bikini top two sizes too small for her, sings:

We’re all famous people
We’re giving you our important time

Then Carey starts ridiculously waving her hands around in the air and oversinging every note.

And we come from our waiting limos from our private suites and exclusive fenced in neighborhoods, where you little people wouldn’t have a sniff of a chance of ever living in…

Carey takes a deep breath.

Just to be here tonight.

The group begins to clap as the chorus starts up again.  The MSNBC contingent join them on stage.

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Bruce Springsteen steps up.

I sing my songs for the common man
At two hundred dollars a show
I never see them in the audience
Because they don’t have the money to go

Back to the chorus…

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Next, the bridge of the song by Alec Baldwin- channeling Axel Rose

Ayyy-yiii-yieeeeeee yay
We’re all going to di-eee-ya-yayyyy

If Romney is PCW CEO
It’ll be the reason whyyyyyy-ei-ei-yay-iiiiiii

The big finish…

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

BACKSTAGE
International Cycling Union president Pat McQuaid announced that 7 time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong will be stripped of all 7 titles because of blood doping.

McQuaid: ”Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling, and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling.”

McQuaid then prepared to announce the new winners…except they couldn’t find anyone else who wasn’t caught up in the doping scandal.

McQuaid: “Isn’t there a cyclist out there who hasn’t been implicated in the doping scandal?  Anyone?  Anyone?”

(2) Bain (D) vs. A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb


A. Tom Bomb (R)

And that’s Bain, as in…

Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.

Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

Got it?

Bain works over the neck of A-Bomb.  He hits a neckbreaker for 2.  A-Bomb tries to rally but Bain comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for 2.   Slingshot back suplex gets 2.  A-Bomb goes low and slows Bain down.  The MSNBC contingent stand up and complain to the referee giving Bain a chance to bail.

A-Bomb runs the apron and goes to crossbody Bain.  Martin Bashir jumps into his path and gets bulldozed by A-Bomb.  Bain then grabs A-Bomb and whips him over the guardrail into the crowd.  Now it’s the Fox News people complaining.

Bain takes his time climbing over the guardrail.  Daisy Cutter-Bomb from behind with a chair.  *WHAP*   A-Bomb pulls Bain over and sets him up on the guardrail.  Daisy goes to guillotine legdrop Bain but Rachel Maddow grabs her.  Megyn Kelly of Fox News over…she grabs Maddow and it’sa…

Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Down runs the American Heartland Party: Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic!  Blackwell has a chair and nails Bain with it.  Chairshot to A-Bomb!  Chairshot to…Martin Bashir?  Chairshot to Lawrence O’Donnell.

The Fox contingent race over.  Mike the Mechanic has his jumper cables of doom… *zzap*… down goes O’Reilly… *zzap*… down goes Hannity.  Daisy Cutter-Bomb tries to intervene… *zzap* down goes Daisy.

Blackwell drags Bain to a table that’s bridging rail and apron.  Mike the Mechanic brings A-Bomb over and throws him on the table.  Blackwell up – MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR THROUGH THE TABLE.

Crowd: “HOLY S***….HOLY S***!”

Blackwell on the mic and declares Independents will be the decider in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012…COUNT ON IT!

**End of Part Two

 

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