(Author’s note: I’d totally forgotten how long it takes to write this on such a grand scale. In 2006, 08, and 10, I wrote much of the show ahead of time. Totally escaped me this year and I didn’t want to be up til 4 AM. So, we’ll fill in the matches from here…)
Suave- Welcome back to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon at the northeast corner of Shoop Avenue and Airport Highway in Wauseon, Ohio. Let’s review the action up to this point.
Match 3- Jill Berg (R) retained the PCW Women’s title over C.J. Lewis (D) when Code Pink and Emily S List’s interference backfired thanks to a hand from Melissa Joan Hart.
Match 4- Jon Tester (D-MT) def. Denny Rehberg (R-MT)
Republican War Room
Republican Leader Reince Priebus anxiously paces back and forth while his pollsters crunch the numbers.
Both Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH) burst into the room.
McConnell- Jesus, we’re getting killed out there, Reince! I thought this was in the bag.
Preibus- That’s what I was told.
Boehner- Now I’m hearing rumors that PCW Owner Bubba Jackson is seriously favoring returning Barack Obama for another four year term as PCW CEO.
Preibus- We’re working on it.
The pollsters hits the phones and try to find out just what the hell is going on.
Suave- So far, the Democrats have the upper hand and this next match is crucial. Let’s go to the ring.
Now the tables have turned and Brown is the insider trying to fight off the challenge of young Josh Mandel (R-OH) and keep his seat. Can Brown’s experience and guile overcome Mandel’s youthfulness? The run up has been harsh and contentious and the match at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 promises to be the same.
Kimber Marshall makes the introductions. Former PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) join Sherrod Brown at ringside and they taunt the young Mandel before the bell rings.
Brown immediately on the offense and places Mandel on the turnbuckle. Front-layout superplex. Mandel tries a spinning leg lariat on Brown who ducks it. Brown hits Mandel with the double arm DDT into the mat and then connects with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Brown climbs to his feet and covers Mandel hooking the leg …1 …2 Mandel kicks out. Brown grabs Mandel and applies an arm wrench. Brown covers Mandel. …1 …2 Mandel kicks out again. Brown hits the German suplex on Mandel. He knees Mandel and rolls him out of the ring into the waiting arms of Big Union.
Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker work Mandel over. Brown joins in and elbows the midsection. Big Labor lifts Mandel up…powerbomb through a table.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Big Labor rolls Mandel back into the ring. Brown makes the academic cover…1..2…3.
WINNER: Sherrod Brown (D)
Nate Silver runs out and shouts that “he was right,” “he was right.” Suave reminds everyone that we won’t know until later on who will be the PCW CEO.
Suave- The Democrats pick up another one as Brown’s experience rules the day.
‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor gets on the mic after the match.
Big Labor- Scott Walker’s Rangers! Did you see what happened here? This is going to happen to you!
Vince McMahon tries to get to PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office but security blocks his way.
McMahon- DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M VINCE ******* McMAHON! I’VE MADE MORE MONEY OFF PRO WRESTLING IN ONE HOUR THEN THIS PIECE OF **** POLITICAL FEDERATION WILL EVER MAKE IN IT’S LIFETIME. THERE’S-
‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long
Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!
Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall. He grabs McMahon by the hair…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.
Early on, the conventional wisdom was that McCaskill was vulnerable. However, once Akin opened up a big can of controversy over his ‘legitimate rape’ remarks, McCaskill has climbed back into the contest. Can McCaskill close the deal or will Akin somehow manage to overcome his own missteps to win a spot on the Executive Committee.
McCaskill walked out, kicked Akin in the balls. Akin to the mat. McCaskill nailed him again in the balls. Cover…1…2…3.
WINNER: Claire McCaskill (D)
Once again, Nate Silver runs out and shouts “I told ya! I told ya!”
Filed under: 2012 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, conservative, Democratic Party, democrats, Independents, Joe Biden, joe six pack, Joe the Plumber, Libertarian, Paul Heyman, political satire, political wrestling, Politics, Pro Wrestling, progressive, red state, Republican Party, republicans, Small Town America, Tea Party, Third Party, White House, wordpress political blogs Tagged: | Barack Obama, Brown, John McCain, Josh Mandel, Mandel, Melissa Joan Hart, Mike DeWine, Ohio, Sherrod Brown