Sherrod Brown (D-OH) vs. Josh Mandel (R-OH)/Todd Akin (R-MO) vs. Claire McCaskill (D-MO)

(Author’s note: I’d totally forgotten how long it takes to write this on such a grand scale.  In 2006, 08, and 10, I wrote much of the show ahead of time.  Totally escaped me this year and I didn’t want to be up til 4 AM.  So, we’ll fill in the matches from here…)

—————–

Suave- Welcome back to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon at the northeast corner of Shoop Avenue and Airport Highway in Wauseon, Ohio.  Let’s review the action up to this point.

Match 1- Jeff Flake (R-AZ) def. Rich Carmona (D-AZ) with an assist from ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain and Jon Kyl.

Match 2- Chris Murphy (D-CT) def. Linda McMahon (R-CT) after the referee ejected McMahon’s husband, WWE Magnate Vince McMahon and her family from ringside.

Match 3- Jill Berg (R) retained the PCW Women’s title over C.J. Lewis (D) when Code Pink and Emily S List’s interference backfired thanks to a hand from Melissa Joan Hart.

Match 4- Jon Tester (D-MT) def. Denny Rehberg (R-MT)

Republican War Room
Republican Leader Reince Priebus anxiously paces back and forth while his pollsters crunch the numbers.

Both Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH) burst into the room.

McConnell- Jesus, we’re getting killed out there, Reince!  I thought this was in the bag.

Preibus- That’s what I was told.

Boehner- Now I’m hearing rumors that PCW Owner Bubba Jackson is seriously favoring returning Barack Obama for another four year term as PCW CEO.

Preibus- We’re working on it.

The pollsters hits the phones and try to find out just what the hell is going on.

Suave- So far, the Democrats have the upper hand and this next match is crucial.  Let’s go to the ring.

Match 5: Sherrod Brown (D-OH) vs. Josh Mandel (R-OH)

Six years ago at Extreme Election Night 2006, Sherrod Brown (D-OH) was the outsider taking on entrenched Mike DeWine (R-OH) for a berth on the PCW Executive Committee.

Now the tables have turned and Brown is the insider trying to fight off the challenge of young Josh Mandel (R-OH) and keep his seat.  Can Brown’s experience and guile overcome Mandel’s youthfulness?   The run up has been harsh and contentious and the match at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 promises to be the same.

Kimber Marshall makes the introductions.  Former PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) join Sherrod Brown at ringside and they taunt the young Mandel before the bell rings.

Brown immediately on the offense and places Mandel on the turnbuckle.  Front-layout superplex.  Mandel tries a spinning leg lariat on Brown who ducks it.  Brown hits Mandel with the double arm DDT into the mat and then connects with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. Brown climbs to his feet and covers Mandel hooking the leg …1 …2 Mandel kicks out.  Brown grabs Mandel and applies an arm wrench.  Brown covers Mandel. …1 …2 Mandel kicks out again.  Brown hits the German suplex on Mandel. He knees Mandel and rolls him out of the ring into the waiting arms of Big Union.

Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker work Mandel over.  Brown joins in and elbows the midsection. Big Labor lifts Mandel up…powerbomb through a table.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Big Labor rolls Mandel back into the ring.  Brown makes the academic cover…1..2…3.

WINNER: Sherrod Brown (D)

Nate Silver runs out and shouts that “he was right,” “he was right.”  Suave reminds everyone that we won’t know until later on who will be the PCW CEO.

Suave- The Democrats pick up another one as Brown’s experience rules the day.

‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor gets on the mic after the match.

Big Labor- Scott Walker’s Rangers!  Did you see what happened here?  This is going to happen to you!

BACKSTAGE
Vince McMahon tries to get to PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office but security blocks his way.

McMahon- DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?  I’M VINCE ******* McMAHON!  I’VE MADE MORE MONEY OFF PRO WRESTLING IN ONE HOUR THEN THIS PIECE OF **** POLITICAL FEDERATION WILL EVER MAKE IN IT’S LIFETIME.   THERE’S-

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall.  He grabs McMahon by the hair…kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

MATCH #6  Claire McCaskill (D-MO) vs. Todd Akin (R-MO)

In Missouri, Claire McCaskill (D-MO) is defending her spot on the PCW Executive against challenger Todd Akin (R-MO).

Early on, the conventional wisdom was that McCaskill was vulnerable.  However, once Akin opened up a big can of controversy over his ‘legitimate rape’ remarks, McCaskill has climbed back into the contest.  Can McCaskill close the deal or will Akin somehow manage to overcome his own missteps to win a spot on the Executive Committee.

McCaskill walked out, kicked Akin in the balls.  Akin to the mat.  McCaskill nailed him again in the balls.  Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Claire McCaskill (D)

Once again, Nate Silver runs out and shouts “I told ya!  I told ya!”

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