Petraeus Affair Blows Up/Obama Speaks: PCW Extreme Political TV

Replay: PCW Extreme Election Night 2012
PCW Title Match- Triple R (D) (c) vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver sneaks into the ring and whaps Banks in the head with a large book of spreadsheets and Triple R manages to regain control of the match.  Triple R with a forearm. And another.  Banks ducks a third so Triple R hits a sit down powerbomb!  Pissed off, Triple R leaves the ring and goes and gets the ring bell. The referee tries to take it away from him.

Suave- TRIPLE R WITH THE RING BELL!  HE DID THE EXACT SAME THING FIVE YEARS AGO AT LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 3!

Replay: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 3
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S A FREAKIN’ RUMBLE!” Somewhere away from the crowd, Starz’s lariat attempt is blocked when Triple R rips the bell away from the referee and slams it in Starz’s face. Suave: “GAME OVER! ONE, TWO, THREE! THAT’S IT! TRIPLE R HAS REGAINED THE PCW TITLE.!”

Triple R in the ring with the bell.  Romney and Ryan both on the apron to complain to the referee and…what?


Martha Raddatz

Suave- What is SHE doing down here?

Triple R blasts Banks with the bell.  Raddatz shouts at the referee and points to the ring.  The referee turns and Triple R has Banks pinned…1…2…3.

WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: Triple R (D)

The Democrats in the crowd are ecstatic.  The Republicans?  Stunned.

Replay: Obama vs. Romney- The Decision
PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON ANNOUNCES THE NEW PCW CEO
Jackson- …This was a tough call but I have come to a decision.  The PCW mid and lower card wrestlers are struggling hard right now.  Mitt Romney.  You ran a good campaign but in the end- what solutions to our problems did you propose differed than the ones Republicans have proposed in the past?  Cut taxes?  These times call for breaking out of the same old ideas.

Jackson motions to Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell to step forward.

Jackson- You along with the current, and next, PCW CEO Barack Obama helped make this mess.  You need to fix it.   It’s Obama.

PCW Extreme Political TV
Jasper High School Gym
Jasper, IN
Week of Monday November 12th, 2012

Host: Johnny Suave

Triple R (D) retains the PCW Title at Extreme Election Night 2012.

Barack Obama gets four more years as PCW CEO.

The state of Massachusetts develops a complex.  Romney’s loss makes it three times in the past 24 years (Dukakis- 1988, Kerry- 2004, and Romney- 2012) that a candidate from Massachusetts has lost in the general.

Suave recaps Big Union (D) regaining the PCW Tag Team title from Scott Walker’s Rangers (R).

Triple R (D)
Triple R struts to the ring holding up the PCW Title belt, accompanied by Democratic supporters and Hollywood celebs Eva Longoria, Alec Baldwin, Bruce Springsteen, and Jay-Z who hold up a sign that says “Our Guy Won.  Nyah-nyah-nyah.”

Triple R says that his performance last week at Extreme Election Night 2012 proves beyond a doubt that he is the best PCW champion EVER.  He walked into the lion’s den, a run-down bar and kicked P.M.C. Banks’s ass all over the ring proving once and for all that, “if you want to beat the Republicans, you have to be willing to take it to the political extreme- because if you don’t, they will.”

The Hollywood celebs in the ring clap.

Triple R calls what went down last week a ‘watershed’ moment.  Democrats control PCW now and everyone had better-…before he can finish, Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan, Charlie Blackwell, and Mike the Mechanic hit the ring and attack the PCW champion.   The Hollywood celebs flee the ring while the trio beat down Triple R.

Bryan on the mic now.  He says nothing’s changed in PCW.  The haves will continue to prosper but the mid and lower card won’t.  Independents have been shut out of any opportunity for PCW belts and it’s time they did something about it.

Then…

Toby Keith’s ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ plays.

Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R) make their return to PCW.  Locke thanks the crowd for the applause but he’s here to announce that they are seceding from PCW.  The crowd asks why.  Bryan tells Locke that’s a stupid idea- which offends the Raving Redneck greatly and leads to…

Match #1-
Heartland champion William Daniels Bryan and Charlie Blackwell

vs.
The Raving Rednecks: Locke and Loade (R)

Locke and Loade’s blinding anger allows Bryan and Blackwell several openings.  Bryan finally gets Loade in the LaBell Lock and the Raving Redneck taps.

WINNER: William Daniels Bryan and Charlie Blackwell

Post match, PCW champion Triple R, PCW Tag Team champions Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker, and the Democratic GOTV: Bain and Paddy O’Kennedy hit the ring and suddenly the Raving Rednecks and Bryan, Blackwell, and Mike the Mechanic find themselves allies.

*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.

Obama tries to move forward from last week and tells the crowd that there’s a lot of work to do to get PCW back to financial health.   He turns towards recent comments by ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham (R-SC) about Susan Rice- the odds on favorite to replace Hillary Clinton as PCW’s Secretary of State.

McCain- We’re all responsible for what we say and what we do. I’m responsible to my voters.  She is responsible to the PCW Executive Committee. If you’re going to tell us something, you better make damn sure it’s true.

Obama responded that if McCain,  Graham, and others want to go after somebody, they should go after him…then he added…

Okay…maybe he didn’t really say that.

Obama also added in lieu of additional facts coming to light that he believes  Mitt Romney (R-MA) actually did a nice job with the Winter Olympics and may have been a halfway decent businessman after all.   Obama adds that he may have a role for Romney going forward.

Ron Paul (R-TX) leads his New Libertarian Army to the ring for the final time.

Match #2
The New Libertarian Army: Jack and Bull Schett w/ Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer
vs.
The Bookworms: Dean Barnes and Kevin Noble

Noble is too engrossed in a novel to help Barnes.  Barnes gets trapped in the Schett’s corner.  Bull Schett puts a brick in the back of his trunks and hits a Schett Brick on Barnes for the pin.

Post match, Paul said:

Our Constitution, which was intended to limit government power and abuse, has failed.  The Founders warned that a free society depends on a virtuous and moral people. The current crisis reflects that their concerns were justified.

And on that happy note, Paul left the ring for the final time.

Match #3
P.M.C. Banks (R) vs. Paddy O’Kennedy (D) of the Democrats GOTV
w/Bain
Banks first match since his loss at Extreme Election Night saw O’Kennedy beating the ever living crap out of him for a good 10 minutes.  Banks looked sluggish coming off the defeat and off his game.  Banks hits a Belly to Belly Suplex and gets back into the match.  He goes for a pin but Bain distracts the ref.

Banks locks on the Figure Four but O’Kennedy breaks the hold.  Banks transfers to a Single Leg Crab.  Bain tries getting into the ring but the ref stops him.  Down comes the PCW Tag Team champions Big Union (D).  Big Labor comes in and hits a Picket Line on Banks.  Cover…Banks kicks out!  Code Pink and Emily S List (D) rush out and slips O’Kennedy a foreign object.  O’Kennedy turns and NAILS Banks with it.  O’Kennedy with the academic cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Paddy O’Kennedy (D)

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then interviewed General David Petraeus in the ring.  Petraeus admitted that after being married for over 37 years, he showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair.

Suave- Duh.  You think?

Bernstein began to ask about the numerous letter Petraeus allegedly wrote to Paula Broadwell when Broadwell stunned everyone by showing up and coming to the ring.  Broadwell climbs into the ring and tells Bernstein to shut the **** up.  She wants to get to the point and demands to know…

Broadwell- Where is she?  Where is she?

Another female voice calls out: “RIGHT HERE!”

Jill Kelley, who’s complaint about harassing emails from Broadwell clued the FBI in on Petraeus’s affair, shoots into the ring and tackles Broadwell.  They start rolling around in the ring.

Suave- CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Petraeus, already aghast at the specticle in the ring, is shocked when his wife Holly hits the ring with an iron skillet.  He tries to stop her but she shouts, “I’LL TAKE ‘EM BOTH I’M HARDCORE!” and blasts Broadwell with the skillet.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Kelley scrambles to get out of the ring but gets hung up in the ropes.  Mrs. Petraeus walks over and nails her with the skillet.  Kelley tips over and plummets to the floor.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Mrs. Petraeus grabs Gen. Petraeus by the ear and leads him from the ring as the show ends.

Tomorrow Night: PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 Replay in its entirety

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