What’s the Matter in Kansas?: PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
John Lance Arena
Pittsburg, KS
Monday November 19th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

PCW mid card wrestler ‘The Perpetual Hungry’ Couch Potato ambled to the ring and was greeted with a shower of Hostess Twinkees from the crowd.  CP spent the first couple minutes scooping up the Twinkees and then got down to business.

CP cut a promo on the impending closure of Hostess due to labor trouble.   He accuses Big Labor of taking food from his mouth.

This brings out New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg (I-NY).   He walks to the ring and confiscates every soft drink that’s larger than 16 oz.  Bloomberg calls Couch Potato the poster child for everything wrong with the health of our nation.  He tells CP to go on a diet.

CP snatches the oversized soda form Bloomberg and guzzles it down.  Bloomberg says it’s time to teach him some self-discipline.

Down comes the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self-Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D).  They attack CP in the ring.  That brings out a referee for the night’s first match.

Big Labor (D) vs. Couch Potato

Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker take turns beating Couch Potato down.  Then…


From left to right: NRA, ‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria, Al Cahall (below Doria), and Nic Koteen

Doria exhorts the crowd to throw Hostess snack foods into the ring and miraculously Couch Potato gets his second wind and overcomes Big Labor for the surprise win.

Afterwards, Couch Potato invites Politically Incorrect to his Thanksgiving dinner.

BACKSTAGE
PCW CEO ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama (D-IL), Obama’s aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE), PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry ‘Don’t Call Me Emperor Palpatine‘ Reid (D-NV), PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) all go into an office and try to keep PCW from going off the financial cliff.

The artist formerly known as Rah…

REPLAY: Rah’s Old Entrance
Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the door.  A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.  I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.   He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important.  Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females entered the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes.  Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell followed him in.  The procession made its way into the room and stopped at the front near the rostrum.  Rah climbed out of his golden sedan chair and stood surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.  He gave a signal and his entourage dropped to their knees and bowed to Rah. 

…now known as country crooner Randy Rahmann comes to the ring.  Rahmann says there’s too much bitterness and rancor in the nation and he has just the thing to bring back the country…in more ways than one.

Rahmann then sings his new song.

I love the way she looks at me
I love the way she walks
I love the way she smiles at me
I love the way she talks
And if it weren’t for her taste in cuisine
I’d be there all the time
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

She likes to go out on picnics
She loves the country air
She likes to take long walks at night
She loves the county fair
But when she asks me to come for dinner
I respectfully decline
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

(Chorus)
When I’m driving down the road
And see a dead raccoon on the side
I know she’d make it dinner de jour
And serve with apple pie
Her family never comes for Thanksgiving
And I know the reason why
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

He loved to go on picnics
He loved the way she walked
He liked to take long walks at night
And loved the way she talked
But the first night she made dinner
It made everything unwind.
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

 (Chorus)
So when I’m driving down the road
And see a dead possum on the side
I know she’d make it the soup of the day
And serve with key-lime pie
Her family never comes for Christmas
And I know the reason why
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

I love the way she looks at me
I love the way she walks
I love the way she smiles at me
I love the way she talks
And if it weren’t for her taste in cuisine
I’d be there all the time
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind
Roadkill cookin’ mama’s on my mind

The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA return to PCW and denounce Rahmann for playing Redneck dreck- saying country music has no place in the brave new politically correct world ahead.  The GWO attacks Rahmann and again Politically Incorrect hit the ring to make the save and THEY invite Rahmann to Thanksgiving dinner.

Sweet Jack and Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Brother He Never Knew He Had vs. The Bookworms: Dean Barnes and Kevin Noble
As the annoying Sweet Jack jingle plays over and over and over, Sweet Jack hits the ring with his garbage can full of plunder that he’s purchased online at deep discounts.

Sweet Jack and Tebow get the win when Sweet Jack chokes out Barnes with an  Egyptian quality 1600 thread count king size sheet.  Not only did the sheet get the tag team the win but Sweet Jack saved over 75% on the original retail price.

BACKSTAGE
The talks on staving off a tumble over PCW’s impending financial cliff continue on with no end in sight.

CHARLIE BLACKWELL PROMO
Blackwell cuts a promo on Michael Moore who wants the rich to go over the ‘financial cliff.’  Blackwell talks about how nice this is, while Moore sits his fat ass in his nice limo, folks are writing in to him expressing their desire to see Moore and others like him contribute their ‘fair share’ to offset the PCW budget deficit and debt.

Moore walks out and takes offense at Blackwell.  He calls for ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) to come out and wipe the mat up with Blackwell.

Charlie Blackwell vs. Stone Chism (D) w/The Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim and Chloe
Randy Rahmann jumps into the ring and blasts Chism with his guitar.  The Skanky Rich Bimbos then whip off their tops…

Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

…and distract Rahmann so the GWO can hit the ring and attack him again.

Another run-in for Politically Incorrect ends the match with a no contest and Blackwell is invited for Thanksgiving dinner.

BACKSTAGE
Again, no movement in the PCW Financial Cliff talks.  PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein is parked by the door waiting for any word to come.

THANKSGIVING DINNER
Couch Potato, Politically Incorrect, Charlie Blackwell, and Randy Rahmann all sit down for dinner.

The GWO invade and announce that they are offended.  Peta from PETA and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee lecture them on how they should embrace a meat free lifestyle.

Michael Bloomberg returns to swipe the oversized soft drinks from their table.

And ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism wants Rahmann for nailing him with a guitar shot.

The GWO’s GreenPete gives the party ten seconds to give up their offensive meals or else they’ll do it for them.

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down to ringside.   WTF grabs GreenPete…kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Chism…kick to the balls.  Life.  Chokeslam.  Brock Cole Lee…kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.  Mike Bloomberg…kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Peta from PETA runs for it and WTF joins the Thanksgiving party as the show ends.

About these ads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 864 other followers

%d bloggers like this: