Suave in the middle of the ring. Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “With PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL), PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV), PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH), Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) in a back room discussing how they’re going to talk PCW off the financial cliff, we are live here in Rolla, Missouri for PCW Extreme Political TV! Let’s see how the meetings are going.”
Reid and McConnell are literally at each other’s throats. Then CEO Obama casually stands and announces that the PCW Treasurer Timothy Geitner was going to take his place in the negotiations.
Meanwhile, Big Labor (D) and Grover Norquist (R) jockey for position outside the door. Finally, both manage to peek inside the door and try to get the occupant’s attention.
Suave: “Sounds like the status quo.”
Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan walks down the aisle and he’s accompanied by PCW Hall of Famers ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…He Is…Justin Sufferable. Bryan climbs into the ring and takes the microphone from Suave.
Bryan: Sorry, Johnny. I’ve got a few things on my mind here tonight. What we have right now in PCW is a real sad state of affairs. In the back, people who are supposed to be our leaders are supposedly trying to ‘save’ PCW from going over the financial cliff. Instead, it’s the same old crap that’s put PCW in the situation we’re in. And it got me thinking. These are supposedly the best of the best and this is the ‘best’ they can do? It sounds to me like they’re totally overthinking this…or they’re too afraid of upsetting their special interest groups.”
Bryan pauses for applause.
Bryan: “To me, it’s really simple. Cut the crap. Tell your special interest benefactors to go **** themselves. And do your ****ing job. Cut the crap and get it done. Cut the crap and get it done.” Crowd: “CUT THE CRAP AND GET IT DONE!…”
The crowd does this for a few seconds.
Bryan: “You see, Republicans and Democrats don’t want to deal with people like you and me. They’ve done nothing to help out average, ordinary Americans. They don’t want to play in small arenas like the one here in Rolla, Missouri. They’d rather run large venues where they can charge outrageous prices that only their big money special interest groups can afford. They don’t care that the middle and lower card workers are getting squeezed out. They don’t care that people like you can’t pay to go see one of their fancy shows in their fancy arenas. And that sucks. I’m here. The PCW political wrestlers who don’t make the big money that the Republican and Democratic wrestlers do- they are here tonight. And if the upper crust, ruling elite can’t hold their nose and appear here in the heartland of America to wrestle for good people like you- **** them.”
Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Both Escondido and Sufferable encourage the crowd to cheer.
Bryan: “The PCW Champion- Triple R (D), can keep his shiny belt.” Bryan lifts the Heartland title belt in the air. “This is the people’s belt and I am proud to be the Heartland Champion.”
The crowd boos when the PCW Champion makes a very unexpected appearance on the ramp.
Triple R: “I don’t know who you think you are, but not only am I the PCW Champion and demand to be treated with the respect that I’ve not only earned but deserve, but I am the most popular wrestler in PCW according to my empirical research data. Everyone who wrestles in PCW wants this belt and it means a hell of a lot more than your piddly Heartland title.”
Bryan: “F*** your belt. It means nothing to me anymore.”
Triple R: “Bull****. You’re a coward and full of ****. When you were Daniel-San you held the PCW Title. Now? You deserve to be playing in front of fifty inbred rednecks in a barn while I get the travel the country in luxury. You can wallow with the steerage. I’m going to hang with the people in first class-” Bryan whips Triple R with the Heartland belt and decks him with a right hand.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Bryan’s going for…HE’S GOT THE LABELL LOCK!” The crowd roars as Bryan cinches in the LaBell Lock. Both Escondido and Sufferable pull Bryan off to take him to the back. Bryan picks up the PCW Title belt and looks at it. Then he flings it at Triple R and leaves him in the ring. Suave: “Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan makes a huge statement on the PCW Champion.”
Triple R grabs his belt and seethes as he stomps to the back.
Gina: “Gina Ramsey here with a PCW in Review. Last week saw the debut of the “Perpetually Hungry” Couch Potato Ray Beck. Beck scarfed down Hostess Twinkies and sucked down an oversized soda he’d swiped from Michael Bloomberg before being attacked by the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union.
Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker beat down Couch Potato in the ring. Then…
Politically Incorrect arrives and with their help…and the judicious use of Hostess Twinkies…turn the tide in favor of Couch Potato.
Gina: “PCW CEO ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama (D-IL), Obama’s aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE), PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry ‘Don’t Call Me Emperor Palpatine‘ Reid (D-NV), PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH), Mitch McConnell (R-KY), and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) meet to try to keep PCW from going off the financial cliff. Then the return of Rah!…”
Rahmann: “You used to know me as Rah! My name is Randy Rahmann and I feel there’s too much bitterness and rancor in the nation. I have just the thing to bring back the country…in more ways than one.”
Gina: “Rahmann then sang his hit single ‘Roadkill Cookin’ Mama’ and was attacked by the Green World Order who opposed his meat based diet song. Politically Incorrect again made the save.”
Replay- Last Week: Sweet Jack and Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Brother He Never Knew He Had vs. The Bookworms: Dean Barnes and Kevin Noble
-Sweet Jack and Tebow get the win when Sweet Jack chokes out Barnes with an Egyptian quality 1600 thread count king size sheet. Not only did the sheet get the tag team the win but Sweet Jack saved over 75% on the original retail price.
Gina: “Then, it was Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D). The match went to a no-contest when Randy Rahmann blasted Chism over the head with his guitar and then…
The Skanky Rich Bimbos then whip off their tops…
Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!
…and distract Rahmann so the GWO can hit the ring and attack him again.
Another run-in for Politically Incorrect ends the match with a no contest and Blackwell is invited for Thanksgiving dinner.
Gina: “And that’s y0ur PCW Review. I’m Gina Ramsey.”
John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi are in the middle of an intense conversation. An aide comes up to him. Aide: “Sir. There’s some people here to see you.” Boehner: “Who are they?” Aide: “I don’t know.” Boehner rolls his eyes and goes to the door. Boehner: “Yes?”
At the door? Three naked female protesters.
Boehner rolls his eyes again. Boehner: “Nancy, it’s for you.”
End of Part 1
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