Haplessly Hurtling Towards the Financial Cliffs of Extreme Doom: PCW Extreme Political TV- Part 2

PCW Extreme Political TV- Part 2
Dekalb, IL
Monday December 3rd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave: “And we’re back.  We’ve set tonight’s main event as Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)- rabid supporters of keeping the likes of Northern Illinois out of BCS games, will take on the American Heartland Coalition’s Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic.  Let’s go to the ring for our first match.

Match #1

Stone Chism
“The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism
(D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Courtney)
American Taxpayer
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Chism actually tries to take it easy on the American Taxpayer to try and get him on his side.  The problem comes when…

P.M.C. Banks (R)

…comes out with Grover Norquist (R).  Chism and Banks argue in the ring about who’s responsible for the impending plunge over the PCW Financial Cliff of Doom- PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) or the Republicans.  That allows Thomas to jumps on Chism’s back.  He flips around and tries for a body scissors.

Then the Skanky Rich Bimbos bust into action…literally.  Kim and Courtney whip off their shirts…

Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!…WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!…God, I love it when they do that…”

Thomas is distracted.  Chism reverses and hits the Hollywood Blockbuster for the win.

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

After the match, a frustrated Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer takes the microphone to vent.

Thomas: “Here we are.  Less than a month before PCW goes flying off the financial cliff.  And where are we?  No closer today than yesterday…than two weeks ago…hell…two MONTHS ago, of fixing the problem.”

Chism pipes up that it’s the Republicans fault for not giving in on higher taxes.

Banks shoots back that it’s the Democrats who won’t cut spending.

Chism and Banks then bicker back and forth, blaming the other for the impasse.  Finally…

Thomas: “ENOUGH!  JUST…FIX…THE…PROBLEM!”  Thomas throws the mic down and leaves the ring while Chism and Banks continue to bicker back and forth.

Suave: “And so it goes…”

Suave then announces that Prince William and Princess Kate are expecting a child.   To commemorate the occasion:

Kate’s sister Pippa Middleton dances for the PCW crowd…again.

And there was great rejoicing.

Corporate Might Promo
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) stand inside a wave pool at a local amusement park.  The water is eerily calm inside the pool.  Big Oil says that when they first step into the ring with Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic later on tonight- it may seem just like the water.

Walstreit signals to a worker who turns the wave machine on.  Gradually, the waves begin to form and grow larger and larger.  Big Oil looks at the camera and tells Blackwell and Mike that Northern Illinois is going to find out at the Orange Bowl that they’re not big enough to handle wave after wave crashing down on them- just like they’re going to experience later on tonight.

Big Oil: “The strong survive and prosper.  The weak get swept away…”

Walstreit lets out a yelp as the wave pummels him and then begins to pull him towards the deep end of the pool.  Big Oil grabs him just in time.

Big Oil: “…that is, if they don’t have friends in high places.”

PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV) and PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH) argue back and forth about cutting spending vs. raising taxes.

Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer walks in.  He looks at Reid and Boehner with distain.

Thomas: “I have a great idea.  How about NONE of you get paid until you actually figure out a solution to the PCW financial situation.   Not you (Reid).  Not you (Boehner).  Not PCW CEO Barack Obama.  None of you.”

Thomas shakes his head and walks off.  Reid and Boehner both look at each other.

Boehner: “That’s a terrible idea.”

Reid: “Agreed.”

Suave: “Hey!  They agree on something!”

PCW’S No Polls.  No computers.  No bias.  No BCS BS.
College Football Top 30

1 Notre Dame Indpdnt (12-0) 7.71
2 Oregon Pac 12 (11-1) 7.42
3 Alabama SEC (12-1) 7.38
4 Florida SEC (11-1) 7.17
5 Ohio State Big 10 (12-0) 6.92
6 LSU SEC (10-2) 6.30
7 Texas A&M SEC (10-2) 6.29
8 South Carolina SEC (10-2) 6.13
9 Kansas State Big 12 (11-1) 6.08
10 Stanford Pac 12 (11-2) 6.04
11 Georgia SEC (11-2) 5.65
12 Oklahoma Big 12 (10-2) 5.58
13 Florida State ACC (11-2) 5.30
14 Clemson ACC (10-2) 5.29
15 Northern Illinois MAC (12-1) 4.62
16 Utah State WAC (10-2) 4.48
17 San Jose State WAC (10-2) 4.47
18 Nebraska Big 10 (10-3) 4.46
19 Boise State Mtn West (10-2) 4.04
20 Michigan Big 10 (8-4) 3.96
21 Arkansas State Sun Belt (9-3) 3.88
22 Kent State MAC (11-2) 3.81
23 Fresno State Mtn West (9-3) 3.75
24 Ball State MAC (9-3) 3.71
25 Oregon State Pac 12 (9-3) 3.67
26 Penn State Big 10 (8-4) 3.63
27 Louisville Big East (10-2) 3.48
28 Toledo MAC (9-3) 3.47
29 Cincinnati Big East (9-3) 3.46
30 UCLA Pac 12 (9-4) 3.38

“SEC Guy” Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Black Sheep Brother No One Ever Knew Existed

Tebow: “All right, all right.  Joke’s over.  Seriously, EIGHT mid major teams in the top 30?  That’s about eight teams too many.”

Tebow goes on to say that usually he hates Kirk Herbstreit but on the issue of Northern Illinois going to the BCS he’s forced to agree with him.

Tebow: “Despite the heroic effort of Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops, Baylor coach Art Briles, West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen, and Iowa State coach Paul Rhoads to properly elevate the Sooners’ ranking to make sure the BCS didn’t make a huge mistake in letting an unqualified team into a big money bowl game like Northern Illinois, they got in anyways.  It’s a dark, dark day for college football and…

Suddenly, the lights went out and a photo appeared…



Suave: “In May of 2011, they said the world was coming to an end.  What did PCW do?

Replay: PCW 5/21/11 End of the World Show
The Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger gets chokeslammed by the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot after admitting having an affair and fathering a child while married to Maria Shriver.
-Kirk Walstreit accidently nailing Donald Trump while attempting the Stock Market Plunge
-Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman, and Sarah Palin carry Trump out of the building and toss him into the…

-Paul Ryan (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) announce they’re not running for PCW CEO
-’The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) retains the PCW TV Title over Charlie Blackwell

Suave: “December 21- PCW End of the World II.  I mean, we’re hurdling towards financial oblivion.  We might as well enjoy it while we can.”

End of Part 2

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