PCW Rewind: 3/25/07- BCEW vs. EECW War PPV

**10 Bell Tribute to the Victims of the Connecticut Elementary School Shooting**

In lieu of the events of earlier today, PCW brings you a show from 2007 instead of a new episode.

Next week, PCW will present the end of the year supershow- PCW’s End of the World II.  Until then, we take you back to March of 2007.  George W. Bush is the CEO and PCW was BCEW back then.  Enjoy…

OPEN
Suave recaps how we got here. Seg McMann’s first appearance in BCEW. His infatuation with BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin that started at BCEW Lock and Load. The inglorious “Seg McMann Kiss My Ass’s Ass Club” debacle at the BCEW Christmas Extravaganza. The shocking betrayal at the 1/17 edition of BCEW Extreme Political TV that saw BCEW lose it’s cable show to Seg McMann and Extremely Extreme Corporate Wrasslin, the stunning attack on BCEW champion, Justin Sufferable, and former champ, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- the twin towers of BCEW, and the revelation at BCEW At War- part one that both Sufferable and Escondido would be out for a year due to severe knee injuries.

Suave: “On BCEW At War- Part 2, Seg McMann appeared to lay down a challenge to BCEW.”

REPLAY FROM BCEW AT WAR- PART TWO
Seg McMann’s face again appears on the big screen TV while the brawl moves towards the back. McMann calls out George W and says it’s time to choose.

George W’s mariachi band appears and leads the BCEW CEO down the aisle. Suave: “He’s coming out to answer the challenge of the so-called sports entertainment genius, Seg McMann!” W climbs into the ring followed by Dick and the Mastermind Karl Rove. Rove points to his temple to remind us all that he’s a frickin’ genius. W takes the mic. George W: “Seg. I have just three words for you. BRING IT ON!”

Suave describes how the Extremely Extreme Corporate Wrasslin ‘stars’ all showed up to the BCEW Hall in Eagle Rock, Ohio in chauffeur-driven limousines while the BCEW wrestlers all drove themselves to the venue.

BACKSTAGE
“Queen” Nancy Pelosi of the Progressive Alliance questions BCEW CEO, George W, about ‘the plan for a small time, shoe-string operation to defeat a well-funded corporate entity?’ W assures Pelosi that Don Rumsfeld, his aide de camp- Dick, and “The Mastermind” Karl Rove all have things under control. W: “In fact, I can tell you that we have a special surprise tonight that’ll knock your heavy, wool-knitted hunting socks off.” Pelosi: “I’m not wearing heavy, wool-knitted hunting socks, George.” W: “That’s what we call a Texas figure of speech.”

Seg McMann makes his grand entrance into the BCEW Hall. The BCEW fans boo him and throw non-lethal projectiles at him.

Suave: “Here’s something that’ll Seg will like. Women who can actually wrestle! That’s right. It’s the return of the BCEW women’s division that Seg ruined when he came into BCEW.”

MATCH #1- WOMEN’S FIVE WAY FIGHT FOR THE BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE
Suave: “Stick that in your ear, Seg.” It is announced that Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi of the Progressive Alliance worked out a deal with BCEW CEO, George W, to bring back the women’s title.

The contestants are: Defense Specialist and newcomer to BCEW- Hallie Burton, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl- Tessa Martin, Opal Winfree- accompanied by her flock (New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom), Trailer Park Skating Princess Tanya Hardy- accompanied by the White Trash Posse, and Peta from PETA of the Green World Order.

The referee was about to ring the bell when the other three members of the Green World Order (Greenpete, Peacenik, and Vegan Brock Cole Lee) come to protest the BCEW- EECW war. Carrying picket signs and chanting anti-war slogans, the GWO hold up the beginning of the match. Peta from PETA sits down in the middle of the ring and refuses to move. Finally, Dick comes out and orders the match to begin. Hallie Burton, Tessa Martin, Opal Winfree, and Tanya Hardy each helps lift Peta up and toss her over the top rope- eliminating her. Peta from PETA eliminated.

Suave: “And we’re off. The first wrestler out is Peta from PETA. And I’d to say that it’s nice to see BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin back. Apparently, she’s been working out and preparing herself for this moment.” Tessa takes a hot, steaming pizza box containing a loaded meat lovers pizza and smashes it in the face of Opal Winfree. Immediately, Opal’s flock fly into the ring and assault Tessa. New Age Sensitive Guy clotheslines her. Soccer Mom shouts out “It’s all for the children” and then suplexes the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl right out of the ring. Tessa Martin eliminated.

Down to three. Tanya Hardy’s White Trash Posse hits the ring and gets involved, batoning New Age Sensitive Guy, Soccer Mom, and then Opal. Then they attack Defense Specialist Hallie Burton which then brings out “The Mastermind” Karl Rove. Rove comes to the side but does not engage Tanya’s posse. Suave: “What’s he doing out here if he’s not going to help Hallie Burton?” Suddenly, Right Wing Blogger Michelle Malkin and Talk show host, Laura Ingraham, rappel down a rope from the ceiling of the BCEW Hall and even up the odds. Opal gets up and slings Hardy into the ropes. The Green World Order interferes when Greenpete pulls down the top rope causing Hardy to flip over and out of the ring. Trailer Park Skating Queen Tanya Hardy eliminated.

Down to two. Malkin and Ingraham dispose of the White Trash Posse and then kick Opal’s flock out of the ring. The GWO then attack them. Brock Cole Lee applies the Vegan Vice submission move on Malkin while Greenpete puts Ingraham in a sleeper hold. Suave: “It’s down to Opal vs. the newcomer Hallie Burton. Burton goes for a chair but Opal whips her to the corner. Air Opal! Burton staggers out and falls on her face. Opal lifts her up and leg sweeps Burton face first into a chair. Burton against stumbles back into the corner. Air Opal again and then she lays out the Defense Specialist with a hurricanrana. Suave: “Wow! Hallie looks totally outclassed right now.” Opal lays Burton out with a chair and she rolls out the ring totally dazed. Opal sets up a table ringside and lays Burton on it. Opal climbs in between the ropes as not to self-eliminate herself to fly off the edge of the ring. Out of nowhere, Karl Rove pushes her off and puts her and Hallie through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Dick runs in and he and Rove throw both Hallie and Opal back in the ring. Rove then slingshots Opal over the top rope eliminating her and giving Hallie Burton the BCEW Women’s Crown. Opal Winfree eliminated.

WINNER AND NEW BCEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: ‘DEFENSE SPECIALIST’ HALLIE BURTON (American Patriots)

Suave: “Dick promised her a big role in tonight’s PPV and he delivered. Hallie Burton, out of nowhere, becomes the new BCEW Women’s champion.” Reluctantly, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi of the Progressive Alliance award Burton with her title belt.

BACKSTAGE
An aggravated BCEW CEO, George W, is on the phone. W: “Yes. We will fill the third match before the BCEW-EECW war. No, I did not know that Dick and Karl Rove was going to interfere in the women’s match. Yes. The plan we have for BCEW vs. EECW is sufficient. My team believes we should have no problem prevailing tonight.” W hangs up the phone as a stranger enters his office. W demands to know who he is. The man explains he is Vince Rousseau- creative genius. Rousseau tells W he knows they’re missing a match and can’t afford to use one of their regulars because of the war. W is interested. Rousseau states he has a ‘great’ idea for a ‘concept match’ that’s so innovative, so creative, that it’ll blow everyone’s mind.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE LOCKER ROOM
“The American Screamer” Howard Dean bangs his fist on the desk. He tells Nancy Pelosi that he didn’t know that Dick and Karl Rove would interfere in the Women’s five-way fight. Pelosi wonders if “The Mastermind” Rove is going to try to use the BCEW-EECW war tothe American Patriots advantage. Dean tells Pelosi that they need to be out there during the brawl to make sure everything is called ‘right…down…the…middle.” Then Dean did his trademark scream, “YEEEEEE-AAHHHHH!”

MATCH #2- BACKYARD BRAWL FOR BCEW MEN’S TITLE
Suave: “Fifteen men will fight for the provisional BCEW Title currently held by Justin Sufferable. If and when Sufferable comes back from his injury next year, whoever the champion is at that point will have to wrestle Sufferable. The wrestler gets eliminated when he’s thrown over the top rope.”

Competing for the title:
American Patriots- Starz N. Stripes, Big Oil, Neal Conn, Kirk Walstreit, and Country Club member Steve “The Elk” Elkins.
Progressive Alliance- Triple R (Road Ragin’ Randy), Union Jac, Extreme Trial Attorney R Felcher of Felcher and Felcher, DLC, and Chuck-atalie from the Dixie Chucks.
Independents- A. Tom Bomb (A-Bomb), Nic Koteen from Politically Incorrect, Little Paulie from the American Bikers, FUBAR, and Joe from the Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja.

The bell rings and all the participants charge to the middle except for Triple R who rolls underneath the ropes to the outside. Triple R unfolds a chair and sits and watches the action.

FUBAR executes a hip toss on Neal Conn and throws him into the corner. FUBAR then rushes Conn and leaps at him. Conn ducks under and flips FUBAR out of the ring. FUBAR out. FUBAR Eliminated.

Suave: “Down to fourteen. FUBAR is as usual…well…FUBAR. Meanwhile, Triple R seems to be relaxing and enjoying the action.”

Big Oil beats down on DLC while A-Bomb and Starz N. Stripes go at it. Big Oil whips DLC into the ropes, but DLC ducks and Union Jac hits a couple clotheslines on the big guy from behind. Kirk Walstreit whips Nic Koteen to the corner and clotheslines him. Walstreit goes up on the top rope and hits a split-legged moonsault on Koteen. Neal Conn and Steve “The Elk” Elkins double-teams Beer Bellied Softball Playin’ Ninja Joe with elbows. Walstreit picks Koteen up and smashes him to the ground with his finisher, ‘The Stock Market Plunge.’ Big Oil hoists Koteen up and tosses him from the ring. Nic Koteen eliminated.

Big Oil has Union Jac in a wrist clutch and goes for a power slam but Union Jac gets out of it and runs to the ropes. Kirk Walstreit and Steve “The Elk” Elkins rush over and double clothesline Union Jac over the top rope. Union Jac eliminated.

R Felcher runs into an arm drag and a scoop slam by Big Oil. Little Paulie from the American Bikers goes up and hits a frog splash on Chuck-atalie. Suddenly, the lights go out. Suave: “What the hell is going on?” Mass confusion. The crowd murmers. One minute later, the lights come back on. A-Bomb is hanging on to the rope for dear life. Everyone else appears to have been thrown over the top rope. Everyone except A-Bomb and Triple R eliminated

Cut to backstage. George W and Dick confront Nancy Pelosi and “Pith Lord” Harry Reid and demand to know what’s going on. Pelosi tells W she doesn’t know. Reid: “It appears the lights have gone off.” Dick: “No @#$#, Sherlock.” Suave wonders if there’s a hint of dissention growing in the unified front the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance have been portraying.

Still sitting in the chair, Triple R grins with Arianna Huffington appearing next to her. A-Bomb pulls himself back into the ring and then slides out under the rope and goes after Triple R. Suddenly, the Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, and Eric Alterman) and the Green World Order (Greenpete, Vegan Brock Cole Lee, and Peacenik) pile out from under the ring with lead pipes and other weapons and attack A-Bomb. Suave: “This was a set up! Triple R had this all planned!” Hy Drogen Bomb and Newt Tron Bomb race down along with Al Cahall and NRA of Politically Incorrect and dive into the fray.

Cahall and NRA double clothesline Daily Kos. H-Bomb slams Eric Alterman against the ring steps while N-Bomb sets up a table. Suave: “IT’S FREAKIN’ CHAOS HERE!” H-Bomb Hydrogen Power Bombs Alterman through the table while NRA hits a rolling senton on the floor against Greenpete. Meanwhile, Triple R finally gets out of his chair and goes over to A-Bomb. He drags him by the hair back into the ring. Triple R flips off A-Bomb and then launches him over the top rope. A-Bomb eliminated.

WINNER AND NEW BCEW CHAMPION- TRIPLE R (ROAD RAGIN’ RANDY)

Triple R celebrates with Arianna Huffington and the Left Wing Bloggers. Backstage, W and Dick are pissed. Both make it clear to both Pelosi and Reid that they expect Triple R to represent BCEW in the champion’s match to end BCEW vs. EECW. Pelosi reassures W that he will.

Match #3- Vince Rousseau’s ‘great idea for a match.’ THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDER BATTLE ROYAL
Eight wrestlers, all dressed in Scottish kilts and lugging large swords at their sides, walked in single file to the ring. Suave: “Well? We’ve got eight people in the ring, all dressed up like Scottish Highlanders. Who’s bright idea was this?” Vince Rousseau, creative genius, comes out and joins Suave. Suave: “That figures.”

The bell rings and all eight men circle the ring, keeping a wary eye on each participant. Then they start to brawl in an intricate, distinctly Scottish style. Suave: “Wow. This is kinda of exciting. A different dimension we’re not used to.” Rousseau: “See? I told everyone this would be a good idea.” Suave admits that Rousseau could be right.

More wild brawling with three distinct groups going at it with each other. Suave: “This is really good stuff! This is really…ah…what the hell is that one doing?” One of the contestants unsheathes his sword and with one swift stroke lops off the head of another contestant. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE JUST…HE JUST CUT OFF THAT GUY’S HEAD!” Rousseau: “Well, Johnny. The only way a participant in a Scottish Highlander Battle Royal can be eliminated is when his head is chopped off.” Suave lets that sit for a moment and then blows up at Rousseau. Suave: “THAT’S THE WORST IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD FOR A CONCEPT MATCH!” Another Highlander lops off another head. Suave: “AWWW…THIS IS JUST WRONG!” More heads come flying off until there’s only two left.

Suave: “Down to two standing.” Rousseau: “You see, Johnny. They’ll fight it out to the death because, as everyone knows in Scottish Highlander Battle Royale rules, there can be only one……wrestler, that is, left at the end.” Suave looks at him as if he’s totally nuts. Finally, the last Highlander loses his head and mercifully the match is over.

Afterwards, Supermodel Noami Campbell comes out to clean the blood off the ring as part of her sentence to community service.

Suave then announces it’s time for war. Immediately, the Green World Order comes out to protest. Peacenik calls the BCEW-EECW ‘war’ immoral and demands that George W cancel the event. The manager of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Gina Ramsey, comes out to introduce the first match. George W and Nancy Pelosi accompanies her to the ring. Then Seg McMann comes out and cuts a promo, calling BCEW ‘garbage wrestling’ full of chair shots, tables, and other weapons. McMann again claims that he, and only he, is the king of ‘Sports Entertainment.’ Gina announces the first match participants.

BCEW vs. EECW- match 1- RAVING REDNECKS LOCKE AND LOADE (BCEW) vs. “The Wizard” KEVIN DORN w/ Arieola and PRINCIPAL MARK STRYKER, (EECW)
Suave: “Well. Here’s the first match.” Suave has to speak up because the GWO continues to demonstrate around the broadcast area. Gary Locke and Kevin Dorn lock up. Dorn is the ‘mystical wizard’ character on EECW who hangs out with his wizard apprentice, the lovely Arieola. They do a couple of rapid mat wrestling and reversal sequences that gets the crowd cheering. Dorn seems a little slower in getting back up and Locke catches him with a clothesline. Dorn gets back up and tries to use his ‘mystical’ powers on Locke. Locke looks at him funny and then belly to belly suplexes him. Suave: “I don’t think Dorn’s ‘mystical powers’ are going to work here in BCEW.” Locke hits a spinning toe-hold. Dorn struggles to keep up and scrambles to his corner and tags in Mark Stryker. Locke tags in Loade.

Earl Loade runs out and trips up Stryker. Then both go through their own series of mat holds and reversals. Loade whips Stryker into the ropes and Locke leaps up on the turnbuckles and drop kicks Stryker into the next time zone. Dorn rushes in and Locke and Loade doubleteam power slam him and then they slingshot him into the corner. Suave: “Dorn and Stryker can’t keep up with Locke and Loade’s workrate! They’re used to slower matches!” Dorn staggers back in and is on the receiving end of a tilt-a-whirl slam by Locke. Loade then climbs the turnbuckle and hits a leg drop from above. Arieola tries to interfere and waves a ‘magic wand’ at Locke. Locke can’t believe what she’s trying to do and drags her by the hair Locke back over the top rope. Stryker tries to rescue her and Locke superkicks him into la-la land. Locke tosses Arieola off the stage into the front row, then climbs back into the ring and helps Loade deliver a 4-D Death Blast to Dorn. Loade covers.

WINNER: BCEW. BCEW LEADS 1-0

Suave taunts McMann. Suave: “Garbage wrestling, huh?” A clearly, uncomfortable McMann doesn’t respond. Suave comments that the EECW wrestlers weren’t used to the pace of a BCEW match. Suave: “Now, we’ll see how the women fare in our next match.”

BCEW vs. EECW- match 2- DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (BCEW) vs. SHELLY SHELLY SHELLY (EECW)
EECW beauty Shelly Shelly Shelly tries to do her ‘Extremely Extreme X-pose.’ Shelly Shelly Shelly whips off her top. McMann comments that this is what people want to see- women wrestlers in undergarment matches. Suave reminds him that this is not an undergarment match. Daisy gives her a neckbreaker. Suave: “That’s right. In BCEW, our ladies aren’t just ear candy for drunk, loser guys to ogle. They can actually wrestle…” Daisy then knocks out Shelly Shelly Shelly with a steel-folding chair. “…and lethally wield steel-folding chairs.” Daisy covers and gets the pin.

WINNER: BCEW. BCEW LEADS 2-0

Pissed off, Seg stalks off to the back.

GEORGE W.- MISSION ACCOMPLISHED SEGMENT
Suddenly, BCEW CEO George W rappels down from the rafters and lands on a platform in the ring. Dick pulls off the tarp covering and the platform says ‘MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.’ Suave: “Isn’t it a bit early to be claiming victory? We haven’t won the third match yet.” Over the protest chants of the Green World Order, George W. all but declares victory and then announces his ‘big surprise’ to accentuate BCEW’s victory over EECW. George W: “Who better to close this out with than EECW Oldtimer Tommy Dreamboat, the heart and soul of EECW!” Pelosi and Reid backstage don’t seem very comfortable. Pelosi: “I don’t know about this.” Reid, in his usual tersely cogent way: “We have not won anything yet!”

Dreamboat comes out for his match to the tune of Alice in Chains “Man in a Box.” Suave notes that BCEW leads 2 to nothing and Dreamboat could put the final nail in the coffin of EECW.

BCEW vs. EECW- match 3- ‘The Heart and Soul of EECW’ TOMMY DREAMBOAT (BCEW) vs. MARCUS CAL GONE (EECW)
Cal Gone doesn’t even make it to the ring. Dreamboat goes right after him and slams him into the steel barricade. Quick chair shots in succession leave Cal Gone dazed and wondering what hit him. Dreamboat gives Cal Gone a back suplex and when gets back up Dreamboat nails him with a road sign. Dreamboat pulls out a cheese grater and cuts Cal Gone with it- he is badly busted open at this point! Suave: “They may have to stop this! Dreamboat is making a huge statement right now!” Dreamboat grabs a ladder and knocks out Cal Gone with it. At this point, McMann runs down to the ring and grabs the ladder. Dreamboat goes to the outside and uses the cheese grater on the forehead of Seg McMann, which elicits a huge cheer and a BCEW chant from the crowd. Dreamboat back in the ring, he grabs a garbage can and drops toe holds Cal Gone on it. Dreamboat covers Cal Gone, but only gets a two count. Cal Gone staggers back up and Dreamboat then knocks him right back out with a steel chair as the crowd chants “HOLY S@#$#” loudly. Suave: “They’ve got to stop this. Cal Gone is defenseless.” Dreamboat puts Cal Gone on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Dreamboat leaps off the turnbuckle and misses as Cal Gone miraculously moved at the last second and Dreamboat’s back hit the metal ladder hard. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE MISSED…AND HE’S NOT MOVING VERY WELL.”

Backstage, the party atmosphere in George W’s office changes the second Dreamboat hit the ladder with his back. Both Dick and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove watch the monitor very closely.

Wincing, Dreamboat rolls off the ladder and Cal Gone takes control. Cal Gone gets in a kick, chop and some hard forearms on Dreamboat, who can barely stand. Cal Gone takes down Dreamboat with a big forearm and Dreamboat valiantly tries to fight back. Suave: “10 years ago, when Dreamboat was at his prime, he would have eaten him alive. Now?” Cal Gone rubs his boot in the face of Dreamboat. Suave: “Now? His body ain’t what it used to be.” Cal Gone whips Dreamboat into the ropes and nails him with a big back suplex with huge impact. Cal Gone immediately covers and gets the pin.

WINNER: EECW. BCEW LEADS 2-1

The grumbling backstage starts. Nancy Pelosi questions why a Starz N. Stripes or A. Tom Bomb wasn’t used. George W tries to assure them that everything is on schedule. Donald Rumsfeld tells everyone that there’s nothing wrong and the night continues to go as planned.

BCEW vs. EECW- match 4- ‘The Extremely Extreme Hardcore Icon’ HACK SAND-MANN (BCEW) vs. I M PUNK’D (EECW)
Sand-mann’s unique ring entrance lasts several minutes, as usual. He circles the ring, smokes a cigarette, and guzzles several beers. Sand-Mann then smashes a can on his forehead and opens up a cut before the match even begins. Suave: “And I thought the Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini had a wild entrance. Sand-Mann may have them beat.” Punk’d waits patiently for Sand-Mann to climb into the ring. Sand-Mann finally enters and rushes towards Punk’d with a Singapore cane. Punk’d kicks Sand-Mann in the mid-section and swats the cane out of his hand. Two quick moves and Punk’d applies the Python to Sand-Mann causing him to tap out.

WINNER: EECW. TIE 2-2

The crowd murmurs. Backstage, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid openly questions George W’s strategy. The Massachusetts Blueblood JFK complains that they were misled. JFK: “George W told us that we could defeat EECW even though logic dictates that a corporately run company should have a distinct advantage. I never should have voted for this before I voted against voting for this in the first place!” Dick comes out and states that people who question George W’s strategy undermine BCEW and do the bidding of Seg McMann and EECW. Suave: “Okay, that’s a little strong. It’s clear that George W’s plan to have two EECW oldtimers close out the war was a huge mistake. They need to change course and fast.”

The Green World Order continues to protest ringside.

Backstage, Triple R and Arianna confront Nancy Pelosi. Triple R says there’s no way he’ll wrestle Bobby Lashaway, that this isn’t his fight, and that he has what he wants- the BCEW title. Pelosi tries to change his mind but Arianna scolds her for collaborating with George W in an unjust and unneeded war with EECW. Suave: “So, who’s going to wrestle now?”

Starz N. Stripes emerges from the back and goes to the ring, accompanied by the Defense Specialist and new BCEW Women’s champion, Hallie Burton. Suave: “Dick told Hallie Burton that she would have a huge role in tonight’s show and for once, he wasn’t lying. Starz N. Stripes takes Triple R’s place in the final battle.”

BCEW vs. EECW- match 5- STARZ N. STRIPES (BCEW) vs. EECW Champion BOBBY LASHAWAY (EECW)
Seg McMann came back to the broadcast table and told Suave that he should kiss his royal feet for giving a BCEW chance to take on a real wrestling company in EECW and then calls BCEW “rinky dink.” Suave asks McMann if he remembers this moment:

REPLAY OF SEG McMANN ‘KISS MY ASS’S ASS SEGMENT
Seg grabs Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon manager, Gina Ramsey, by her chin and makes her look at him. He rants that ‘no one talks to Seg McMann’ like that. “I’m telling you that you are going to kiss my ass’s ass and you’re going to do it now!” he demands. For exclamation, Seg whacks the donkey on the rear where Gina is supposed to kiss. The donkey suddenly kicks out with its hind legs and nails Seg in the balls. “HOLY…HOLY CRAP!” a shocked Suave says. “I…er…ow!”

Suave: “You know, that clip is like fine wine. It just keeps getting better with time. McMann is outraged that Suave replayed the clip, so, of course, Suave plays it again… McMann: “STOP IT!”

Match continues…
With Starz already in the ring, Lashaway appears at the top of the entrance isle and raises the EECW title. He walks to the ring holding the title belt in the air and stares down Starz. When Lashaway enters the ring, the fans boo. Someone unfurls a sign that reads: “IF LASHAWAY WINS WE RIOT!” McMann calls the fan ignorant and again reiterates that he knows what sports entertainment fans want. Suave: “But WE know what wrestling fans want, Seg.” The announcer introduces the EECW Champion and Lashaway tosses his shirt to the crowd. The fans toss it right back! Lashaway goes back and forth with fans. He throws it in, they throw it back! Finally a fan catches it, goes to the bathroom, uses it as toilet paper, and then comes back and throws it at Lashaway. Suave: “Okay. I’ll admit, that’s just wrong.”

The bell rings and Starz and Lashaway lock up in the center of the ring. Lashaway hits a suplex and goes for a quick cover. The crowd chants to the EECW champ “you can’t wrestle!” Starz pops back up and stares down Lashaway. Lashaway drops Starz with a shoulder drop. Starz goes for a missile drop kick, misses, and lands flat on the canvas. Lashaway and Starz exchange blows. Back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. Finally Lashaway puts a side headlock on Starz and rests, the crowd chants “same old s**t!” Breaking the hold, Starz retreats to ringside. Lashaway catches him by surprise and launches himself off the top rope onto Starz! Again, the BCEW fans aren’t that impressed and chant “Overrated!” Starz hits a quick moonsault off the stairs onto Lashaway! Starz rushes for the EECW champ, but Lashaway sends him to the 3rd row! Lashaway follows up through the crowd and tosses Starz back over the railing to ringside. Lashaway climbs over and gets caught with a sidekick. Starz throws Lashaway into the ringpost and then sets him up in the ring with his head sticking out over the apron. Starz drills Lashaway with a wicked guillotine leg drop and sends him tumbling back to the floor. Starz sets up Lashaway against the ring steps and then skateboards a chair into him. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! I’ve never seen Starz like this before. Could the ‘Rookie Sensation’ be coming into his own?”

Both back in the ring, Starz sets up Lashaway in the middle of the ring and places a chair on top of him. He climbs the top turnbuckle and gets ready to jump. Suave: “This could do it! This could win the…wait a second. What’s Triple R doing out here?” Triple R comes out and distracts Starz, giving Lashaway a chance to catch his breath. Lashaway jumps up and crotches Starz in the corner. Starz topples over face first onto the canvas. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? Starz had the momentum until Triple R came out!” Hallie Burton goes over to give Triple R a piece of her mind- he pushes her down and walks away. The Green World Order surround Hallie. Lashaway power slams Starz in the middle of the ring. Lashaway lines up Starz for the Arkansas slam when A. Tom Bomb hits the ring with a steel-folding chair and wallops the EECW champion with it. Triple R, incensed, then climbs into the ring and locks up with A-Bomb. Then, a huge muscle-bound, roided freak hits the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S KANITSKY! THE OUT-OF-CONTROL, ROIDED UP, MONSTER!” The crowd chants “ROIDS!…ROIDS!…ROIDS!” Suave: “They haven’t had a chance to chant that for awhile.” Kanitsky delivers a big boot to Starz and sends him tumbling out of the ring. Starz lands in front of the GWO and they start giving him boots. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! WHY THE HELL ARE THE GREEN WORLD ORDER ATTACKING STARZ N. STRIPES?” Suave states it’s one thing to protest BCEW taking on EECW; it’s totally another to take the other side.

Kanitsky then big boots A-Bomb across the ring. Suave: “All right, what the hell is a man dressed in a mechanic’s uniform running to the ring dragging behind him a battery charger for?” He jumps into the ring followed by a well-endowed receptionist. Suave: “Wait! That’s the new guy- Mike the Mechanic along with his receptionist Sheila!” Mike grabs the jumper cables and zaps Kanitsky with them- sending mega-volts through his body. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Kanitsky drops like a rock. Seg McMann jumps in the ring and he gets zapped by Mike the Mechanic’s battery charger.

Starz N. Stripes somehow gets away from the GWO and crawls back into the ring. Amidst the chaos, he sees Lashaway lying on the mat. He stumbles over to him and covers. The referee counts “1.” Triple R grabs the jumper cables away from Mike the Mechanic and zaps the referee, knocking him out. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?” Starz gets up and confronts Triple R. Triple R zaps him with the jumper cables. Suave: “THAT *BLEEPED OUT* ING JUDAS!”

Triple R taunts Starz and doesn’t see two people hobble into the ring behind him. Suave: “YES! IT’S JUSTIN SUFFERABLE AND ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO!” Triple R turns just in time to see Sufferable clock him in the head with his crutch, knocking the jumper cables out of his hand. The crowd chants ‘welcome back!…welcome back!” Lashaway gets up and tries to get to the cables before A-Bomb but Escondido hops over and grabs the jumpers before Lashaway can. He zaps Lashaway- he’s out. Both Starz and Lashaway are unconscious. The ref is too. Sufferable and Escondido celebrate in the ring. George W and Seg look at each other quizzically. The people in the ring look totally confused.

Suave: “THAT FREAKIN’ JUDAS, TRIPLE R, BETRAYS BCEW! WHO WON TONIGHT? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! IT’S ALL A FREAKIN’ MESS!”

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