Big Gulped: Palin Delivers a 24 Oz Straw to Bloomberg’s Eye: PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Friday March 15th, 2013
SIU Arena
Carbondale, IL
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomes us to the show. He reviews what happened last week on PCW’s first show back after a three month haitus:

-Kirsten Karsten made everyone come out to less than intimidating music…
example: Charlie Blackwell walks out to ‘You Light Up My Life’ by Debby Boone;  Dean Barnes to Bob Carlisle’s ‘Butterfly Kisses.’

-Blackwell defeats Barnes followed by a stare down with Big Union’s ‘Self-Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Jack Taylor.  

-Blackwell asked him to address the rumors that Republican and Democratic wrestlers were paid during the 3 month break- Taylor smiled and walked away.

-’The Sun God’ Rah was way too happy and positive for the PCW Champion Triple R (D).  Triple R attacked Rah with the help of fellow Democrats while Republicans were too busy to come to Rah’s aid.

-The Axis of Evil came out to demand that everyone take time to remember all the wonderful things the late Hugo Chavez did for the world.

-PCW Television Champion William Daniels Bryan (I) criticized both parties for paying their wrestlers due to the Sequestration crisis and was challenged by Democrat Paddy O’Kennedy.  Bryan defeated O’Kennedy to retain the TV belt.

———

O’Kennedy comes out and interrupts Sauve.  He talks about the issues with PCW TV Champion William Daniels Bryan criticizing PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) and questioning his leadership.   O’Kennedy want to put the issue behind him so Bryan should come out and apologize.

Bryan comes out makes it clear there’s no chance in hell of that happening.  That brings out PCW Champion Triple R (D).  Triple R says there’s only ONE real champion in PCW and that’s him.  Bryan says he is the Television Champion  and if  Triple R has a problem with that he dares him to take it from him right here tonight.

Triple R says he wants nothing to do with that fake belt.  Bryan again says if he thinks its fake, get in the ring and let’s throw this down tonight.  Triple R tells Bryan at least he was paid during the break and doesn’t really need the money to wrestle for a fake belt against an opponent who couldn’t make it in the big time.

Out of nowhere, Rah runs in and attacks Triple R.  Bryan decks the PCW Champion and holds him down- Rah goes up top and hits a big splash.

Suave tries starting the show but Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) confronts him and blames him for everything that just happened.  Pelosi says Triple R is on his way to the hospital.

Match #1:  ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) with Ashley Judd (D-KY) vs. Dan Van Damm
…The One Man Hollywood A-List slingshots DVD into the ropes.  DVD falls and then Chism drops the elbow.  Short-arm clothesline sends DVD to the mat and then Chism follows with the spinebuster slam.  Chism finishes the job with the Hollywood Blockbuster and the referee counts. …1 …2 …3

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism

Post-match, Chism tells the crowd that he hopes Hollywood Icon Ashley Judd is going to challenge Republican Mitch McConnell for his spot on the PCW Executive Committee.   Chism goes on but then the Axis of Evil suddenly appear.

Axis of Evil
Leaders:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- President of Iran
Kim Song-Il- dictator of North Korea
??- Venezuela
‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El- HT: 6′ 7″  WT: 335, HOME: Tehran, Iran
FIN: Choke Slam
VALET: Fatima

Byung Hyung Kang- HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 195, HOME: Pyongyang, North Korea
FIN:
VALET: Soon Ye

Fernando Venezuela- HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 355, HOME: Caracas, Venezuela
FIN: Venezuelian Vice Grip

Last week, it was Fernando Venezuela who was pissed off about the lack of ‘respect’ being giving to the recently departed Hugo Chavez.  This week, it’s ‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid El and leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- President of Iran.

Khalid-El is upset over Hollywood’s portrayal of Iranians in the movie ‘Argo.’

Khalid-El would like to get his hands on Ben Affleck.  But he’ll settle for the “One Man Hollywood A-List” Stone Chism and the Axis attack him.   Then an attorney walks out and joins Ahmadinejad.   Name- Avocat de Recruter des Victimes

Suave: “He’s an attorney and he’s French?  Could it get any worse?”

The crowd starts waving white flags of surrender at the French Attorney.

des Victimes gets on the microphone and tries to talk- but the crowd begins to mimic the sound of an ambulance.   He claims he is trying to figure out what the most appropriate venue to take legal action against Affleck.  But in the meantime, the most appropriate response is for the Axis of Evil to deliver a stern message of appropriate disapproval for the false portrayal of Iran in the movie.

The Axis of Evil again assault Chism before the Democrats send the Department of Justice flying to the ring to chase them off.

BACKSTAGE
Charlie Blackwell and Brad Company sit and talk about the PCW Sequestration that’s going on.  Blackwell is still steamed about the fact that Republican and Democrat wrestlers were being paid while the non-affiliated ones were not during the three month break.

Then Blackwell and Company are joined by…


Mike the Mechanic w/Tequila Sheila

Mike tells Blackwell and Company that because the Republicans and Democrats can’t get their act together about cutting PCW expenses and major automatic cuts went into effect, the independents aren’t getting their expenses paid for anymore.

This means the wrestler’s travel expenses are no longer being reimbursed by PCW.   Blackwell and Company- not pleased.

Back to the ring…
Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the ramp.  A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.

“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.   He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important…”

The crowd clapped.

“Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females entered the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes.  Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell followed him in.  The procession made its way down the ramp and into the ring.  Rah climbed out of his golden sedan chair and stood surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.  He gave a signal and his entourage dropped to their knees and bowed to Rah.

Match #2: Rah vs. Government Excess: Bob the Bureaucrat, Red Tape, Tax Man & Jack D. Up w/ Mr. Wrong in a Gauntlet Match
Rah rips through Jack D. Up and Tax Man in the early going.  He cuts through Red Tap in equally impressive time.  Then Rah takes on Bob the Bureaucrat in a an old school brawl in and around the ring.  Red Tape throws a guard rail into the ring and tries to snag Rah.  But children’s show host Happy Mango dropkicked Red Tape into the guardrail and then it fell on him as well.  Rah then went to DDT Bob the Bureaucrat but Jack D. Up jacked up Rah with a chair shot from behind and then lifted him up and crotched Rah on the guard rail.  Government Excess then tried to beat Rah and his followers down as well. Bob the Bureaucrat got on the mic and asked for more money, but then…

American Taxpayer
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Thomas, Charlie Blackwell, and Brad Company hit the ring and destroyed Government Excess.  Someone in the crowd handed Company a Captain America Shield and he started nailing Government Excess with it.   Rah recovered and DDT’d Bob the Bureaucrat on the Captain America shield to win.


Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
with Herbstreit
Judge Smalls

Smalls says Corporate Might is here to do what corporations do, operate like Borg-like entities that swallow up and incorporate other companies into their own and then totally water down the product.  Smalls has a warning for PCW- “You will be assimilated.”

Match #3: Michael Bloomberg (I-NY) vs.

Palin3

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK)
This rocked for the 7 minutes it got.  Palin came out sipping a 24 oz. Big Gulp drink and Bloomberg flipped out and both literally beat the crap out of each other.  No holds in this.  Bloomberg had a nasty cut on the back of his head and Palin poured soda into it. Palin’s eye got busted open on a desperate chair shot by Bloomberg.  Bloomberg tries to run Palin’s head into the ring post but the Alaskan Pitbull slips free and Bloomberg hits the post hard.  He slumps down and sits in the corner.  Palin grabs a chair and puts it over his crotch.  Then she gets another chair and whacks the chair on Bloomberg three times.  Palin drags Bloomberg into the middle of the ring and makes the cover.  The ref counts the three count and Palin wins.

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