Romney and Paul Scheme Against Gingrich: 12/8-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
T-Roy and K-Roy (R) vs. The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (D)

The Republicans new tag team get set to debut.  But first, GreenPete gets on the mic to say a couple words.  GreenPete quotes from an article in Germany‘s Der Spiegel magazine ‘the Republican race is dominated by ignorance, lies and scandals. The current crop of candidates for PCW CEO have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein. The Grand Old Party is ruining PCW’s reputation.’

GreenPete then calls T-Roy and K-Roy the poster children for the stupid, redneck, uncivilized rabble the Republicans attract.  GreenPete protests the impending violence inside the ring while outside the ring with the Occupy Wall Street folks: Nate, Shane, and Adam.

T-Roy: Listen, are you here to wrassle or are you here to run your pie-hole all night long?”

Lee answers the question by tackling T-Roy and the match is on.

…K-Roy drops the elbow on GreenPete.  Brock Cole Lee runs in, K-Roy tosses him into the corner.  Nate from the OWS comes up behind K-Roy.  He goes for the Occupation Obliteration but T-Roy slams a steel chair over Nate’s head.  K-Roy stomps him a bit then  sets up the table.  Shane and Adam of the OWS in…T-Roy in with a chair and blasts Shane right into Adam.  K-Roy then hits a K-Bomb through the table on GreenPete and that’s it…1…2…3.

WINNER: K-Roy and T-Roy (R) @ 15:09

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Alec Baldwin headed for the ring.  Suave replays what went down Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Replay: PCW Extreme Political TV
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate.  Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

Baldwin whips out his iPad and says: “I’m just so mad, I’m just going to…going to…” Then he feverishly types something on his iPad.  “There!  I guess I told you huh?”

Suave: “He just tweeted from the ring.  How cool.”

Baldwin goes into a full fledged rant about Republicans and even notes that he changed his description on twitter to Conservative Christian, Gun Lover, Mom.  He goes off on the Flight Attendent who ‘got the better of him’ Monday night and calls her someone who walks the aisles of an airplane with a whistle around their neck and a clipboard in their hands and they have made flying a Greyhound bus experience.’

Baldwin turns to leave but is interrupted by Greyhound CEO Dave Leach carrying a piece of luggage.   Leach is unhappy over the actor’s Greyhound bus reference and lets him have it.

Leach: “First of all, we have hundreds of new buses in our fleet where we’ve added more legroom, leather seats, power outlets and free Wi-Fi,” Leach notes. “I think you especially would find the latter two amenities exciting, because we don’t require our customers to turn off their electronic devices…ever. You could therefore play Words With Friends® during your entire trip and nobody would give you any grief over it.”

Baldwin dismisses Leach and starts to climb out of the ring.  Leach swings his luggage and blasts Baldwin in the back with it- causing the actor get himself hung up in the ropes.

Leach: “Should you still decide not to try us, even after I’ve shared with you all of the exciting changes we’ve made here at Greyhound, all I ask from you is a simple apology.  We are not the same company we used to be … Greyhound is an American icon, a proud company that many people depend on to get them to their destinations, the same people who watch your films and TV show.”

Leach then cracks Baldwin again with the luggage and leaves.

MATCH #4
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/Pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) vs. Tommy Frick and Ralphie Fraack (I)

Golatta hits the ‘Foul Pole’ on Frick and this one’s quick and easy.

WINNER: California Teacher’s Union @ 1:11

BACKSTAGE
In the business office, there’s a huge brouhaha about the night’s receipts.  Jon Corzine is surrounded by PCW officials.

Corzine: “I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date.”

Corzine added that he was “stunned” to learn that he could not account for the money.   Then a cannonball blasted through the wall whizzed by Corzine’s head before exiting through another wall.

Suave: “What the f-”

Suave: “OHHHHHHH!  It makes perfect sense now.”

Mythbuster Adam Savage enters the room.  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Separate shots of both Keith Olbermann (D) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) entering the QWest Center earlier in the evening.  Olbermann and Palin are ‘cover boy and girl’ for the upcoming Jesusland vs. Progressiveville novel due out next month.

MITT ROMNEY (R-MA) HEADQUARTERS
Supporter John Sununu (R-NH) bangs his fist on the table and says: ““The off-the-cuff comment, for example, that Gingrich throws out on occasion is a reflection on the off-the-cuff thinking that he goes through to deal with issues, and that is not what you want in a commander in chief.”

Romney tries to psych up his wrestler, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) before his big match against O’Beck Bahama (D).

Suave notes that Romney would like nothing more than to stem the big momentum swing in Newt Gingrich’s (R-GA) favor by having Scott knock off long time rival Bahama.

RON PAUL’S (R-TX) HEADQUARTERS
As Ron Paul also frets about Gingrich’s rise, Jack Schmidt (R) paces back and forth.  Paul tries to think of some way to ‘expose’ Gingrich’s weaknesses.

MAIN EVENT:
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)

Both men have put on absolute top notch matches against each other over the past four years.  This one is no exception.  Bahama seems to be rounding back into form.  Scott is as focused as ever.  The match turns when…

…Jack Schmidt is out!  He runs to the ring and he’s got a brick!  Bahama has Scott set up for the Bahama Backbreaker.  Schmidt climbs up the corner turnbuckle and puts the brick in the rear of his trunks.

Suave: “HE’S GOING TO TRY TO DROP A SCHMIDT-BRICK ON BAHAMA!”

Schmidt turns his back and jumps.  Bahama whips Scott forward and Schmidt nearly takes his head off.

Suave: “HE MISSED.  SCOTT GOT SCHMIDT-BRICKED INSTEAD!”

Scott out.  Bahama makes the easy cover.  1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D)

Suave:  So, the PCW Title Match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville will be a three way dance between champion Daniel-San (I), Magnum P.O.’d (R), and former  champion O’Beck Bahama (D).  That’s all for this-”

BACKSTAGE
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, one half of the cover for the novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, is laid out on the floor unconscious.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  SOMEONE TOOK OUT THE ALASKAN PITBULL!  WHO DID IT?  WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK.

Obama in Kansas- “Good to be in Texas”: 12/5-PCW Extreme Political TV Recap

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Gallagher-Iba Arena
Stillwater, OK
Monday December 5th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #1
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22

-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate.  Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

BCS Chief Bill Hancock walks out and is roundly booed by the Stillwater crowd.  Hancock crows that ‘once again,  the BCS has delivered.’  He says the best two teams, Alabama and LSU, are in this game and ‘obviously, the media who votes in the AP poll, agrees with it.’

Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables walk out and calls the BCS a fraud.

Hancock: “In the BCS, every game counts.”

Blackwell: “Tell that to Boise State.   The Mountain West.  The Mid-American Conference.”

Then Oklahoma State Coach Mike Gundy comes out and let’s the BCS have it in his own inimitable style…

Suave: “Isn’t Mike Gundy 43 now?”

Hancock is tackled from behind by Boise State football coach Chris Peterson.  Then the University of Alabama field goal kicker runs out.  He tries to kick Peterson…but he misses.  The kicker tries again…he misses a second time.  The kicker keeps trying…but he keeps missing the mark.

PCW CEO Barack Obama at Osawatomie, Kansas
Obama: “Good to be back in Texas.”

Suave: “Huh?  You know if Rick Perry or Sarah Palin or any other conservative candidate would said that, it’d be all over the news.  Kansas.  Texas.  Pre-law.  Pre-med.”


MATCH #2 PCW Women’s Title Match
(c) Valora Salinas (I) retains the title over Union Maid (D) @ 9:02

Post match, PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian come out to confront Valora.  From behind, six foot two, two hundred pound Cassidy McConnell (D) jumps Valora and choke slams her.   Kim gets in a few cheap shots and then the trio split when The Mercenaries: former Army Ranger Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) make the save.

MAIN EVENT:
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Texas Tex def. Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe (I) @ 11:47

Big Oil and Walstreit get the win when BCS chief Bill Hancock comes out again and distracts Blackwell.

Post match, rich, fat cat representatives of the Rose, Orange, Sugar, and Fiesta Bowl attack Blackwell and Average Joe, for good measure.

Big Oil gets on the mic and demands a title shot against Tag Team champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

10/13 PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2/PCW Extreme Political TV

*10 Bell Tribute in Memory of Indy Car Racer Dan Wheldon*

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Stroh Center
Bowling Green, OH
Taped Thursday October 13th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Hour two of PCW Politics is War gets under way with Suave at the broadcast desk.

Suave: “After a wild first hour of PCW Politics is War where Nevada, South Carolina, and Florida attempted to barge ahead of Iowa and New Hampshire and hold their PCW events earlier, Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)advocated that CEO Obama declare martial law in PCW because the Republicans won’t pass Obama’s bills, and Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) won his biggest match to date, pushing himself and Herman Cain (R-GA) into the forefront of the Republican race for PCW CEO.”  Suave starts to talk some more but is interrupted by the video screen…

Occupy Wall Street members Nate, Shane, and Adam going to protest at the homes of the rich and powerful.  Except in this case, Shane and Adam are trying to direct Nate away from a sprawling mansion in Nashville, Tennessee.  Shane is protesting the disparity of income between the haves and have nots when…

*Fleetwood Mac‘s ‘Don’t Stop’ begins to play*

Opening the door is no other than the ‘Hardcore Environmental Icon himself- Al Gore (D-TN).  Gore demands to know what the O.W.S. is doing at his palatial mansion that uses the equivalent of electricity to power 22 regular sized houses.  Shane and Adam apologize profusely and try to pull Nate away.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Extreme Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex
vs.
‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

Once again, the California Teacher’s Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) interfere in the match and it’s a four on two beatdown.

…Big Labor lifts Walstreit up…SCABBUSTER!  He rolls Walstreit out of the ring and goes after Big Oil.  But Texas Tex whaps Big Labor in the knee and tags him in the kisser with his golden money belt.  A double shoulderblock from Golatta and Malibu Dusty lifts Texas Tex off the ground and onto the mat.  Golatta pulls Texas Tex up and winds up…FOUL POLE!  FOUL POLE!  Tex turns ghost white and crumples to the mat holding his groin.

James the Jeep Worker sends Big Oil into the corner and lays in some hard rights, taking the count to four and then pushing the referee away.  Big Labor hits a the boot to Big Oil’s face as the ref is distracted by James.   Big Oil fights off both and then kicks Big Labor in the gut.  He  sends Malibu Dusty to the corner and she stumbles back to a Superkick to the face!  Big Oil with a bulldog and as an added treat clotheslines James at the same time!!!  Big Oil goes for the Oklahoma Driller…Big Labor is rising and Punk sets James up.  WHOA!  JOE BIDEN (D)?  In the ring?  Biden kicks Big Oil in the gut and the double team doesn’t stop.

Biden, Golatta, Malibu, Big Labor, and James attack Big Oil like mad men.  Then the crowd roars…

Suave: “JOSEPH WURZELBACHER?  JOE THE FREAKIN’ PLUMBER.  FOR REAL?

Here comes JTP.  He attacks Big Labor with a plumber’s wrench to the knee.   Malibu Dusty over to break it up…

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  DID YOU SEE THAT?  DID YOU SEE JOE THE PLUMBER CRACK THAT WRENCH OVER MALIBU DUSTY’S HEAD?”

Malibu Dusty falls to the mat and blood seeps out from a cut on top of her head.  Big Labor decides to get out while the getting’s good  and runs into Kirk Walstreit.  Walstreit blasts Big Labor over the head with his autographed, framed picture of ESPN star Kirk Herbstreit.  Joe the Plumber sends James the Jeep Worker out to the outside.  He holds up the plumber’s wrench and hops on him from the apron.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

JTP catches the fleeing JJW and sends him into the steps then into the barricade!

RESULT: No contest at 10:54

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The OWS is in Flint, Michigan and Nate tries to break into some rich guy’s mansion there.  He attempts to scale the fence surrounding the property sets off the alarms.  The OWS don’t abandon their third member and soon a portly gentlemen…wearing a baseball cap.

Michael Moore: “Ah, what are you guys up to?”

Shane: “Oh…man.”

Shane and Adam again apologize for Nate’s intrusion into the Moore Estate and try to leave…

Callie Urban (D) Promo
From what Callie understands, new PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) has an open challenge to anyone in the locker room who has their gear on.  She looks around and observes that no one wants to step into the ring with her.  With good reason, she adds.

Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.
German suplex by Urban gets two.  Series of kicks by Urban.  Valora reverses a whip and charges into a tornado DDT.  Urban covers…Valora kicks out at the two-count.  Whip by Urban into the corner…here’s Code Pink and Emily List.  Urban sees them and doesn’t look too happy.   She whips Valora across the ring a second time.  Then walks over to the edge and tells them to get lost.  Valora roars out the corner towards Urban.  Irish Whip by Valora…no, reversal by Urban and she whips Valora hard face first into the corner.  Code Pink and Emily List climb up onto the apron.  Urban comes in for a splash.  GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I) @ 14:45

So, what should she do?  Should she walk away?  Should she quit?  The crowd says no.  She considers the option before saying she’s never been a quitter.  Callie says she will not be intimidated and she will not quit.  Come hell or high water, she is going to work to give the fans what they want- a third match.  The crowd roars and then John Boehner (R) comes out. Boehner reminds Callie that he is the leader of the PCW Competition Committee- not her.   He says she is not the only one who’s deserving of a Women’s PCW title shot and ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith walks out.

Boehner makes a match for right now and Callie confidently waves Smith into the ring.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday October 17th, 2011
Agora Theater
Cleveland, OH
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #3
Callie Urban (D) vs. ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R)

Smith pulls Urban’s shirt over her head as a distraction.  But it doesn’t work thanks to a stomp to the foot and then a spinning heel kick that didn’t quite connect all the way but enough to break the hold.  Urban up in the corner,  ‘Queen of Her Doublewide Trailer’ Lani Harlot (R) rolls in and drops Urban with a stiff chairshot to the back.  Lani is about to put Urban in some serious pain with her White Trash Compactor submission hold​, but Code Pink and Emily List (D) also race down.  Suave reminds everyone what happened the last time Code Pink and Emily List tried to help Callie…

Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.

GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!

Suave: “Don’t think for a second that Callie Urban hasn’t forgotten that.”

Callie realizes that both Code Pink and Emily List are in the ring.  She doesn’t go after Smith.  Instead she chases Emily List out of the ring.  Then she turns to Code Pink who tries to explain what happened.  This distraction allows Smith to hit a Spear and she pins Urban for the 1…2..3!!!

WINNER: ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith @ 8:54

Post match, Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) come out and rough up Code Pink and Emily List.  The M.O.D. toss them out of the ring and turns their sights on Urban.  Harlot puts Urban in the White Trash Compactor.  The M.O.D. take turns slapping Urban across the face.  Then…

*’Meaning of Life’ by Disturbed plays*

The PCW Women’s champion Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring with an Asai Moonsault that breaks the hold on Urban and sends the three Republicans scattering.  Valora hits the Implant DDT to Angel Casey and then Angel Scott gets a gutwrench powerbomb!  Valora tosses Casey hard into the ringpost and then Scott.  Lani Harlot tries to Pearl Harbor Valora with a chairshot but out of nowhere, the women’s champion superkicks the chair into Harlot’s face.

The PCW Clean Up Crew, led by Nurse Nellie, hits the ring to sort out the damage caused by Valora.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Scott Brown Interview
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Scott Brown (D-MA).  Bernstein asks about the campaign, Brown says it’s going good so far.   In fact, he wants to share his new campaign slogan with everyone- Bernstein agrees.

Scott Brown: “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You- Ask What You Can Do For Your Country.”

Bernstein does a doubletake.  Brown thinks he’s got something there.  Bernstein tells him that line was from a John F. Kennedy speech.

Brown: “Huh?”

Bernstein repeats the line was from JFK’s inaugural speech in 1960.  Brown blames his staff for the mix up and exits quick.

OWS’ s Final Destination
The OWS has reached their third and final destination.  New York City.  Again, Nate has run off from the others and charged past a guard inside a ritzy high rise apartment complex.  Once upstairs, Nate pounds on the door until it opens…

Nate: “Alec?  Alec Baldwin?  You’re rich, too?”

An embarrassed Shane and Adam wheel Nate out of harms way before Baldwin’s prestigious temper erupts and he starts leaving nasty phone messages.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT
The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and the God Squad
vs.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA)

Suave marvels at the rebirth of one Newt Gingrich over the past few weeks and compares it to Cain’s meteoric rise.

…Jackson with a bottle of Gatorade and smacks Quad R with it.  Jackson throws Quad R into the timekeeper’s table. Chairshot…no…Richardson escapes and he throws Jackson into the table.   He’s got a chair-  chairshot.   Jackson staggers away but Quad R catches up to him and hit an atomic drop on the guardrail. xx

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Jackson takes a drink of someone’s beer and spits Quad R in the eyes with it.   They go back into the ring and Jackson fires off a number of head butts.  Both trade chops back in the ring. Quad R hits a drop toe hold to send Jackson face first onto a chair.  Richardson calls for more chairs.   But ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin steps in.  Spinning toe hold to Rev. Flambe.   PIZZA CUTTER! to Rev. Hinnrich.  Now Sister Mary Marlboro in the ring to confront Martin…Martin grabs the oversized pizza box and plasters her with it.

Suave: “OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM!  OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM!

Jackson small packages Richardson out of nowhere.   1…2…3.

WINNER: Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) @ 16:30

Post match, Quad R knocks out the referee.

Alec Baldwin and Michelle Malkin Catfight: 9/22-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
UCF Arena
Orlando, Florida
Thursday September 22th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave in the middle of the ring to welcome everyone to the final show before PCW Lock and Load this Sunday night.   Suave runs down the card…

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. TBA

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

Suave comes back on and it’s time to go back to earlier in the night.

Alec Baldwin (D) comes out and he’s pissed about the execution of Troy Davis in Georgia last night.   He says Davis is dead and wants to know if Michelle Malkin (R) is happy.   The anti-justice haters won.  

Malkin walks out and wants to know what’s the deal with all the hate talk from all the Baldwin wannabes.  Let’s go all Town Hall on that supreme thinker, Michelle Malkin- a world class, crypto fascist hater?  Really? 

Baldwin claims right-wingers always hide the shameful policies of their nutbag policies behind “supporting the troops.”  He wonders if ‘Malkin will push the needle in herself’ on a man the former FBI director said might have reasonable doubt on his side.

Malkin tells Baldwin to direct his minions’ ire/rage/profanity/racism/sexism at the US Supreme Court, not her.

Suave comes back on.  And it’s time for our first match…

MATCH 1- GEORGIA ELECTRIC CHAIR MATCH
Alec Baldwin (D) vs. Michelle Malkin (R)

Suave says this match could be explosive…winner straps opponent in an electric chair

…outside the ring Baldwin lays Malkin on the guard rail and dives off a table onto her into the crowd.  Baldwin then put a chair in the ring and another under the ropes. He flies off one chair and launches onto Malkin in the crowd.  Unbelievable.  He sets Malkin on the second rope with a chair underneath her and dives.  The crowd roars when ‘The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)runs out and causes Baldwin to miss and hit the chair with his butt.  Coulter then nails Baldwin with the chair…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…Coulter and Malkin gets up on the table and moonsaults Baldwin off the turnbuckle and through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Coulter tries to drag Baldwin to the electric chair but the actor has a death grip on the ropes.  Here comes the King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D)!   Olbermann with a chair…*bang* right over Malkin’s head opening a big cut above her eye.  Blood was flowing. Coulter nails a moonsault off the top rope and nearly pushes Olbermann into the Electric Chair.

The rest of the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, Jane Hamsher, Eric Boehlert (D)) spill down to the ring.  They’re joined by the Right Wing Brigadiers (Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Andrew Breitbart, and Glenn Beck (R)) and the referee is forced to call the match.

WINNER: No contest @ 17:43

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Replay from Monday Night
AG TEAM #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH
Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D) vs. California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
…The CTU’s Andy Golatta hits a ‘Foul Pole’ low blow.  The CTU double team Big Oil and and get the first elimination of the match.  Corporate Might (R) eliminated.

At that point, Triple R attacks Big Labor.  The CTU and the Longshoremen quadruple team Triple R.  Triple R is thrown from the ring and Big Labor follows with the Longshoremen.  They drag Triple R to the back and the CTU gets the win via count-out.

Triple R (D) explains why he turned on the Democrat’s.  He says Democrats make unrealistic promises that they can never keep.  Triple R claims that when he returned to the D’s that he was promised a big push for the title.  Instead, he kept getting held back.  Tonight, is a night about real change that I can believe in.  Triple R rips off his shirt and pants and underneath he’s wearing his Rev. Randy Richardson (R) garb.  Richardson then brings out the God Squad (R).

Out walks Leader-PCW Executive Board Harry Reid (D-NV)and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)Pelosi tells the crowd to ignore Rev. Richardson because he has ulterior motives. Richardson blames Pelosi and says she’s the one responsible for promising him the moon and then cutting him off at the knees.  Pelosi gets her feathers ruffled and tells Richardson he worked for her and she used him in the way she thought best.  Reid says he worked for him and if Richardson wants to leave, fine, here’s your parting gift.

At once, The California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D), Big Labor (D), and The Longshoremen (D) attack Richardson and The God Squad.  Just as PCW heads to commercials, the Republicans run down to make the save…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Package
Linda McMahon (R-CT) announces she’s making a second run at the PCW Executive Committee.

Richard Blumenthal (D-Connecticut) vs. Linda McMahon (R-Connecticut) from PCW Extreme Election 2010
…McMahon to the outside.  Blumenthal with the baseball slide and takes McMahon down to the floor hard.  Now it’s Blumenthal who grabs a chair.  He raises it…he starts to swing…HE’S STOPPED?


Paul Levesque

Suave- HOLY CRAP!  HOLY F@#$#@ CRAP!  THAT’S TRIP-…ER…PAUL LEVESQUE!  HE’S HERE!  IN PCW!

Crowd- HOLY @#$#!  HOLY #$#@!  HOLY !@@#!

Levesque grabs the chair from Blumenthal who wisely returns to the ring.  The crowd goes off again when a female comes out and helps McMahon up.


Stephanie McMahon-Levesque

Suave- WHAT THE @#$#…THAT’S STEPHANIE McMAHON…LEVESQUE!

Blumenthal back in the ring.   Stephanie checks on Linda.  The elder McMahon then steps back into the ring.

Suave- Blumenthal looks a little unsure…kind of like that time Linda asked him how one creates a job.

They battle on the corner.  McMahon connects with a knee strike and a second one.  Blumenthal blocks a third one and hits a slingshot senton followed by a backbreaker.   McMahon hurls herself into the ropes but Blumenthal reverses a crossbody in midair into a power slam.  He covers.  McMahon kicks out at two…

Blumenthal ducks, spins her around, and slaps on the sleeper hold.

Suave- SLEEPER!  SLEEPER HOLD!

McMahon tries to reach the ropes but Blumenthal keeps her right in the center of the ring.

Suave- McMAHON’S IN TROUBLE!  SHE’S TOO FAR FROM THE ROPES…Oh, no.

Levesque pulls out a sledgehammer and climbs up on the apron behind Blumenthal.  He climbs into the ring and raises the sledgehammer.  Levesque swings…Blumenthal ducks at the last second…and McMahon gets it.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Levesque can’t believe it.  Mrs. Levesque can’t believe it.  McMahon’s out cold.  Blumenthal makes the cover…one…two…three.

WINNER: Richard Blumenthal (D) @ 11:49

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2- Women’s Tag Team #1 Contender’s Match
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Korey and Kelly (D)

-winner gets the Merchants of Death (R) for the Women’s Tag Team title at Lock and Load.

…McGill dropkicks Korey Korver off the apron.  Double top rope power bomb on Korey and McGill covers her for two.  The Mercenaries double wishbone Korey, but Kelly breaks it up. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List run.  Code Pink hits a Glitter Bomb on McGill and blinds her.  List goes low on Kovalevski and then hits a neckbreaker.

Kelly comes in and hits a a modified airplane spin on McGill.  Women for Women face plants Kovalevski on a chair set up in the corner.  Kelly and Korey hit simultaneous crossarm suplexes with a bridge to win.

WINNER: The Korver Sisters (D) @ 12:21

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
Jack and Joe Schmidt, the PCW Tag Team Champions, are unconscious on the hallway floor.  Above them…

Attack Watch (D).  He’s joined by The California Teacher’s Union (D) and the Longshoremen (D).   They mock the Schmidts and spit on them.

Suave, now finding himself without a match, improvises on the fly and decides to call for the Valora Salinas/Callie Urban title match from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Arch Wrestling Madness PPV as a precursor to their rematch on Sunday at Lock and Load.

Mollie: There’s the bell and the match is on.  Callie Urban versus Valora Salinas for the MVW Title…lock up in the middle of the ring…

Callie and Valora grapple for position.  They step back briefly.

Callie then whips around and snaps off a spinning heel kick that connects flush on Valora’s jaw.  Valora’s eyes roll back and she drops to her knees.

Mollie: URBAN HURT HER WITH THAT SPINNING KICK!  Urban into the ropes…BASEMENT DROP KICK!

Everyone in the arena is standing now.

Valora is bent backwards and then the rest of her body spins around.  She lays sideways on the mat and blood appears on the left side of her face.

KGB: She’s been knocked out?

Callie immediately hooks the legs.  The referee slides in…one…two…

Mollie: VALORA GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

A roar from the crowd as a dazed Valora tries to pull herself up.  Callie doesn’t let up.  She runs at Valora and hits a step up Shining Wizard move that sends Valora right back down.

Mollie: GENTRIFICATION!  COVER…ONE…TWO…NO!   VALORA GRABBED THE ROPE AGAIN.

The left side of Valora’s face is now covered in blood.

KGB: Mollie, that cut looks ominous.  Could they stop the match?

Mollie: I presume so, Kevin.  Let’s look at the replay…

REPLAY:
On the basement drop kick, the edge Callie’s boots dig into the skin above Valora’s left eye and cause a nasty gash to develop.  Blood began to stream out.

Callie hooks Valora’s legs, this time in the middle of the ring.  The referee makes the count…one…two… Valora kicks out.

Mollie: Callie is keeping the pressure on…

…Crowd: This is Awesome!

Dropkick by Valora, running senton!  Callie crawls back into the ring.

Mollie: Valora pulls Callie up off the mat…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!  COVER…ONE..TWO…NO!

Valora lifts Callie up…and plants her on her back.

Mollie: SPINEBUSTER BY VALORA.  COVER!  ONE…TWO…CALLIE KICKS OUT!

KGB: Not many people would get up from that.

Mollie:  TORNADO DDT!  VALORA COVERS…NO!  CALLIE KICKS OUT SOMEHOW.   VALORA IS THROWING EVERYTHING AT HER!

Valora pulls Callie up into a side headlock…

Mollie: IMPLANT DDT!  ANOTHER COVER!  YES- NOOOOOOOO!  CALLIE BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

Valora leaves Callie in a sitting position and climbs the top turnbuckle.  She jumps forward and nails Urban in the throat.

Mollie: FLYING FIRECROTCH GUILLOTINE LEG DROP!  COVER……NO!

Valora slams her hand on the mat.  She slides out of the ring and grabs a bag of something from underneath.  Then she throws it in the ring…

…Callie places Valora in an inverted facelock, and hooks her near arm with her free arm.  Callie pulls backwards and up and wrenches Valora’s neck and puts her knee under her back, adding more pressure.

Mollie: DRAGON SLEEPER!

Callie pulls hard and Valora begins to fade.  But she continues to fight every stretch of the way.

KGB: She’s not going to give up.  Someone needs to stop this.

Valora tries to move towards the ropes.

Mollie: I think the referee’s a little confused about what to do, Kevin.

KGB: To me it’s pretty simple, Valora’s life is worth a lot more than a belt. The match needs to stop now.

Valora pushes Callie even closer to the ropes.  Callie with a head butt to the back of Valora’s head.  She shifts and wraps her arm around Valora’s neck, pressing the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.  Then she wraps her legs around Valora’s and squeezes hard.

Blood now pools on the mat where Valora’s face is.

KGB throws off his headphones and gets up on the apron, screaming at the referee to stop the match.

The referee takes a close look at Valora- she’s unconscious- and immediately calls for the bell.  Medical personnel stream into the ring and attend to the former champion.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT:
PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) w/Justin Sufferable vs.
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
-the four participants in the Lock and Load tournament face off.

Another wild brawl.

… Daniel-San unloads skillet shots to Tanaka’s nuts.  Bahama moonsaults Scott through the table.   Bahama manages to put Daniel-San through another table.   Tanaka drags Daniel-San up to the top turnbuckle…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  He covers but the ref is distracted by Mrs. Miyagi on the outside.  Sufferable goes over and nails Mrs. Miyagi with a chairshot.   Tanaka regains the referee’s attention…1…2…3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 8:50

Suave takes one last look at the Lock and Load card:

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

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