OMG! PCW’s Back? PCW Returns After Three Months and Finds That Things…Haven’t Changed.

PCW Extreme Political TV Review
Saturday March 9th, 2012
DC Armory
Washington D.C.

PCW finally returned to the airwaves last night with a show at the DC Armory.  The show would have been Friday night but Rand Paul (R-KY) got into the ring and spoke for over 15 hours straight, forcing PCW to move the show back one night.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave welcomed everyone back and ran down who the champions were:

PCW WORLD CHAMPION:  Triple R (D)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:  
Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Jack Taylor and James the Jeep Worker (D)
TELEVISION CHAMPION:
William Daniels Bryan (I)

The show started with Charlie Blackwell and  Brad Company talking backstage.  Blackwell was glad to be back in and wondered how the rest of the rank and file PCW workers managed during the near three month hiatus.  Company didn’t know but said he heard a rumor that the Republican and Democrat wrestlers were paid during the time off, piquing Blackwell’s interest.

Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.

Obama also welcomes everyone back to PCW and promptly blames the Republicans for the three month break.

Yeah, typical…- Johnny Suave

The PCW CEO then introduces a new quality control aide, Kirsten Karsten, to make sure that the PCW programming is appropriate for all.

“I got this idea from watching the Dan Patrick show!”- Kirsten Karsten

Karsten’s first edict is that all music used by PCW wrestlers must be non-offensive.  Then Obama calls for the first match of the night.

Charlie Blackwell vs. Dean Barnes of the Bookworms Barnes and Noble

Charlie Blackwell- HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215, HOME: New Braunfels, TX/FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

Blackwell walks out to ‘You Light Up My Life’ by Debby Boone;  Barnes to Bob Carlisle’s ‘Butterfly Kisses.’

You’ve got to be kidding me- Johnny Suave

Both wrestlers look up at the loudspeakers and appear annoyed as they climb into the ring.

During the match, Barnes’s tag team partner Kevin Noble grabbed Blackwell and held onto his leg.  Blackwell dragged Noble into the middle of the ring and narrowed escaped getting blasted by an oversized picture book of War and Peace.  Blackwell hit a DDT on Barnes and pinned him for the win.

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell

Blackwell asked for his regular music and “Do You Hear the People Sing?” from Les Miz comes on.  Blackwell is immediately confronted by ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Jack Taylor- one half of the PCW Tag Team champions Big Union.

Both Taylor and Blackwell have had major disagreements in the past about who truly represents the ordinary man in PCW- Johnny Suave

Blackwell and Taylor have a staredown.  Blackwell tells Taylor he has only one question to ask him- was he paid during PCW’s shut down?  Taylor smiles and walks away.

PCW Champion Triple R walks out and as usual, he’s in a pissed off, road rage kind of mood.   Triple R says that he should be recognized as the best ever PCW Champion but he’s not because of the fans.

Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the ramp.  A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in.  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.

“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.   He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important…”

Triple R glared at the announcer on the ramp.

“Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females entered the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes.  Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell followed him in.  The procession made its way down the ramp and into the ring.  Rah climbed out of his golden sedan chair and stood surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.  He gave a signal and his entourage dropped to their knees and bowed to Rah.

And the crowd gave Rah a standing ovation- further pissing off Triple R.

“What the ****!” Triple R snaps.  He calls Rah a sideshow distraction who need to get him and his reprobate followers the hell out of his ring.

Rah responds that he brings optimism and sunshine to an otherwise depressing time.  Rah invites Triple R to join his group and ‘see the light.’

Triple R tells Rah to **** off.  The PCW champion adds that he’s already with the group that matters- the Democrats.  “We run PCW!” he crows.  “Welcome to Triple R’s PCW!”

At that point, Democrats ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism, ‘The Self-Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Jack Taylor, and Paddy O’Kennedy hit the ring, causing Rah’s entourage to scatter, and attack the Sunshine God.   The six foot eight Rah tries to fight off the attack but the numbers game wins out.

“Well, isn’t that just great.  Democrats claim they’re for working Americans- but they’re not.- Johnny Suave

Backstage- Republican’s Dressing Room
Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, and P.M.C. Banks watch the attack on the video screen.   Banks, who wrestled Triple R for the PCW title at Extreme Election Night 2012 back in November, asks Walstreit if they should go out and help Rah.

Unfortunately, Walstreit is on the phone with his Wall Street Market Analyst and is too busy to lend a hand.  And Big Oil?  Too busy counting all the cash from $3.75 per gallon prices at the pumps.

“And Republicans say they’re for Main Street America- but they’re not.- Johnny Suave

Back in the ring, the assault continues and now it’s spread to the crowd?   A distrubance breaks out in one section of the DC Armory.

“HOLY CRAP!  IT’S RIOT!…no wait…check that…-Johnny Suave

“Oh.  Never mind.”

Backstage- PCW TV Champion William Daniels Bryan and Charlie Blackwell
Blackwell tells Bryan that he thinks Republican and Democratic wrestlers were paid during the PCW hiatus while the rest were not.  Bryan is not pleased.

The music of Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play.

“HOLY CRAP! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?”- Johnny Suave

The crowd explodes. A spotlight points out a plaid shirted man sporting a Singapore cane in one hand and a cup of mocha in the other.

“IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! HE’S BACK! HE’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…”- Johnny Suave


The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore tells the crowd to forget all the happy, sunshine talk from Rah earlier in the night.  The world is going to hell in a handbasket and everyone should go out and buy his new book to see why…

The Future: Six Drivers of Global Change- Al Gore

Gore says the world sucks but it could be worse.  Then one of his aides come up pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash and parks it next to him.  “It could be a lot worse,” Gore adds.

Special Announcement
Dan Hill’s ‘Sometimes When We Touch’ plays over the loudspeaker much to everyone’s bemusement as the Axis of Evil makes their way to the ring.

Axis of Evil
Leaders:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- President of Iran
Kim Jong-Un- dictator of North Korea
Hugo Chavez- dictator of Venezuela
‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El- HT: 6′ 7″  WT: 335, HOME: Tehran, Iran
FIN: Choke Slam
VALET: Fatima

Byung Foo Qu- HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 195, HOME: Pyongyang, North Korea
FIN:
VALET: Soon Ye

Fernando Venezuela- HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 355, HOME: Caracas, Venezuela
FIN: Venezuelian Vice Grip

First, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran leads ‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El to the ring.

Then, the music changes- ‘One Tin Soldier’…

yes, THAT song…by Caste. Next out, North Korea’s Kim Song-Un brings out his wrestler, Byung Foo Qu.

Finally…

…even the Axis of Evil cringe in the ring when the song’ comes on.  Fernando Venezuela, holding up a placard with the picture of the late Hugo Chavez on it, somberly walks to the ring.

The crowd starts to boo and that upsets the Axis of Evil.  Kim Jong-Un starts to circle the ring and threatens to nuke everyone in the building.  In fact, he’s pretty upset about the treatment Venezuela’s getting.

Then…

“Hey guys.  Kim Jong-Un is actually a cool guy.  He likes basketball.  PCW CEO Barack Obama likes basketball, too!  It’s a start!- Dennis Rodman

Former NBA star Dennis Rodman makes his first return to wrestling since the NWO days in WCW.  Rodman holds up several pieces of paper.

“See?  We’re best buds.  BFF.  Pen-pals- Rodman

The camera then cut back to Suave.

“Can we put the least intimidating wrestler music back on…please?- Suave

Special Announcement- Take Two
PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) makes a special announcement.  Yes, PCW is back in business.  No, things aren’t back to normal.

“PCW has undergone Sequestration and until the Republicans in the PCW Competition Committee come to the table with a plan,deep budget cuts have to be made.  This will hurt those who can’t afford these cuts the most.”- Barack Obama

This brings out PCW Television champion William Daniels Bryan.

“Funny, the lower card wrestlers have already suffered through Sequestration seeing as none of them have been paid since December.  Maybe you should ask your wrestlers to do the same.”- Bryan

Paddy O’Kennedy walks out and challenges Bryan for challenging the PCW CEO and we’ve got a match.

Main Event: PCW Television Title Match
William Daniels Bryan (c) vs. Paddy O’Kennedy (D)

William Daniels Bryan- HT: 5’10″  WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

Bryan drags O’Kennedy back into the ring.  He goes up top but ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Jack Taylor of Big Union runs down and blasts Bryan with a chair.  Now it’s O’Kennedy going up top, but now it’s Charlie Blackwell down to the ring.  Chairshot to Taylor.  Chairshot to O’Kennedy.  Blackwell rolls Bryan on top of O’Kennedy…one…two…three.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: William Daniels Bryan (I)

Denny Rehberg (R-MT) vs. Jon Tester (D-MT): Extreme Election Night- Part 3

PCW Extreme Election Night- Part 3

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein…


Woodward Bernstein

…interviews world famous swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen.


Chrissy Teigen

Teigen tells Bernstein that she’s glad to be at PCW Extreme Election Night to lend her support to Barack Obama.

This causes some of the more rabid Republicans in the crowd to start booing.  Teigen smiles through it and continues the interview with Bernstein.

The nastiness continues and finally, Kathryn Randall Collins (D), Code Pink (D), and Emily S List (D) come out.

Code Pink- This is proof that the Republicans are waging a war against women!

The Democrats cheer while the Republicans boo.

Then actress Melissa Joan Hart walks out.

English: Melissa Joan Hart at the film premier...

She tells the crowd that she supports Mitt Romney and that sometimes you have to agree to disagree.

Now it’s the Republicans who cheer while the Democrats are silent.  Code Pink and List look at each other.  Then they attack Hart.

Suave- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

PCW Champion Jill Berg (R) runs in and runs off both Code Pink and Emily S List.

Match #3 PCW Women’s Title Match:
Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

The phenomenon known as Jill Berg comes into PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 as a successful businesswoman and one woman force of political destruction.  She faces young C.J. Lewis.  Lewis, a former waitress at Hooters,  charged up to the top of the Democratic ranks by defeating long time standard bearer Kathryn Randall Collins to gain a shot at the PCW Women’s title against Berg.

Democrats want this match badly to continue their ‘Republican‘s War Against Women’ mantra.  Can Lewis overcome her lack of experience and pull off an upset win over Berg?


C.J. Lewis (D)

Lewis in the ring, ready to go.

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd roars.

Suave: “THAT’ SOUND!  IT COULD ONLY MEAN ONE PERSON!”

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman – Ms. Berg.   It’s time.

The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry.


PCW Women’s Champion Jill Berg (R)

Suave: “IT’S PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION- JILL BERG!”

The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…

The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder.  He flips it on.

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.

THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…

Berg hits the ring, warmed up and ready to go after the earlier altercation.

The bell rings and Berg wastes no time going on the attack. Reverse neckbreaker to Lewis followed by a rolling elbow smash.   Lewis gets hit with a diving elbow smash and the women’s champion is on fire.  At ringside, Code Pink and Emily S List watch as Berg spinkicks Lewis.   C.J. pokes Berg in the eyes to relieve the pressure.  C.J. with a neck scissors but Berg mule kicks her and sends her sprawling.  Berg rolls onto Lewis connecting with a knee.  Code Pink and List interfere and hit a doubleteam gutbuster on the women’s champion. C.J. Lewis gets back to her feet and stares down Code Pink and List.  Berg pops back up and throws her into the turnbuckle.  Berg follows up and smashes Lewis’s head into the corner turnbuckle.

Double axhandle chop from Berg.  Running neckbreaker drop takes C.J. down hard.  Berg locks Lewis in the kneebar but she escapes.  Berg then tosses Lewis out of the ring.  Berg rams Lewis into the corner turnbuckle and the challenger gets a cut as a result.   Berg goes for a belly-to-back superplex but Lewis slips out.  Berg instead hits the jumping sidekick on Lewis.

Suave- So far, Jill Berg’s experience is way too much for the youngster C.J. Lewis.

Back in the ring, Lewis gets hit with a diving elbow smash.  Berg moves in for the kill but Lewis bites her arm out of desparation.  C.J. whips Berg off the ropes and hits a diving shoulder block. Lewis with a headbutt and then a short lariat takes the women’s champion down.

Berg spins and hits Lewis with a back fist.  C.J. whipped hard off the ropes into a clothesline.  Diving elbow smash follows.  Berg grabs C.J.’s head and slams her face into the turnbuckle.  She goes to do it again but this time, Lewis blocks and then drives Berg’s head into the turnbuckle.  Belly-to-belly superplex by Lewis.

Suave- Now the challenger coming back!

Bridging back suplex by Lewis.  She covers…1…2…shoulder up.  Lewis chants start.  Lewis with the body slam.  Cover…1…2…shoulder up again.   Berg rakes her fingers across C.J.’s back. Code Pink and Emily S List again attack.  Doubleteam backbreak to the champion.  Code Pink is going for the Glitter Bomb but wait?

Melissa Joan Hart in the ring with a steel chair.  *WHAP* Down goes Code Pink.  *WHAP*  Down goes List.  Lewis distracted.  Berg back up and chops Lewis.  Berg takes a step back…SPEAR!  She takes a step back…SPINNING HEEL KICK!  Berg lifts Lewis over her shoulder…JACKHAMMER SLAM!  Cover.  Referee counts. …1 …2 …3!

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Jill Berg (R)

Suave- UNBELIEVABLE!  CODE PINK AND EMILY S LIST ARE GOING TO BE PISSED WHEN THEY FIND OUT THEY’VE COST C.J. LEWIS THE MATCH!  HELL, LEWIS IS GOING TO BE PISSED!

Lewis stands up and glares at both Code Pink and List after the match.

MATCH #4  Denny Rehberg (R-MT) vs. Jon Tester (D-MT)

Rehberg and Tester will meet in what has been a hotly competitive run up to their Extreme Election Night match.

Tester is the incumbent member of the PCW Executive Committee while Rehberg currently holds a spot on PCW’s Competition Committee.  This is expected to be a knock down, drag out affair with both men seemingly equally matched.

The difference maker in the match could be a third man- Libertarian Dan Cox.  Will Cox be a spoiler and help Tester pull out the win?

Tester starts by bouncing Reiberg off the ropes and clotheslining him. Tester puts Reiberg in an arm grapevine submission but Reiberg pokes Tester in the eyes to escape. Reiberg gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Tester comes over and rams Reiberg’s head into the corner turnbuckle.  Tester goes for a DDT.  But Reiberg stands up and hits Tester with the belly-to-belly suplex.  Reiberg measures Tester up and drops a closed fist.  Then Reiberg whips him out of the ring.

Tester climbs back up onto the ring apron, but Reiberg kicks him back down to the arena floor. Reiberg follows Tester to the outside.  Tester whips Reiberg into the ring steps.  Reiberg gets back to his feet, but Tester attacks again and rolls Reiberg back into the ring.

Dan Cox (L) now walking to the ring.

Tester locks in a rear chin lock in the middle of the ring.   Boot the face by Tester and a cover for a two count.  Tester works over Reiberg.  Cox comes out and tries to stun gun Reiberg.  Reiberg reverse and slings Cox out of the ring.  Tester bails out too and REIBERG DIVES OUT ON BOTH OF THEM!

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Cox tries to run Reiberg into the post.   Reiberg reverses.  He whips Cox into the ring post.  Cox stops in his tracks but Reiberg dropkicks him from behind, sending him hard into the steel!

Crowd- PCW! PCW! PCW!

Back in the ring, Tester hits a few suplexes.  Reiberg spins out of a tilt a whirl attempt by Tester and dropkicks him. Tester with a lariat and goes to Irish whip him into the ropes but Reiberg headbutts him and gets free.  He goes for the splash off the top but Tester moves to safety.  Reiberg surprises Tester with a low blow and rolls-up Tester- he kicks out.  Tester pops up ready to go but Reiberg hits him with the DDT! TESTER KICKS OUT AGAIN! Cox comes in to go after Reiberg but HITS TESTER BY ACCIDENT! REIBERG PINS BUT TESTER KICKS OUT AGAIN.

Reiberg brawls with Cox to the outside.  By the time he returns to the ring, Tester’s had way too much time to recover.  Tester in control and throws Reiberg into the railing.  Tester suplexes the actual railing back onto Reiberg.

Crowd- HOLY ****!  HOLY ****!

Tester drags Reiberg back to the ring.  Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Jon Tester (D)

Obama, Romney Sound Off on ‘Ted’

In the aftermath of the debut of new PCW star…


Ted E. Dangerously

…both PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) and the man who wants to be the next CEO Mitt Romney (R-MA) both commented on the oversized (five and a half foot tall), foul mouthed, stuffed talking bear to PCW’s Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.

Obama denounced Ted’s ‘cheap attack’ on the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV that sent him to the hospital for stitches.  The PCW CEO said that bashing people in the head with beer bottles was not the direction he wanted to take PCW in.

When Bernstein asked him about Bain’s (D)…

Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.

Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

…numerous run-ins at PCW Red Brand shows over the weekend where he took out several Republican wrestlers, Obama said, “No, that’s a totally different thing.”

Romney also complained about Ted but even had harsher words for the PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill…


PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill

…after she used a kendo stick on the testicles of Corporate Might’s Big Oil (R) and sent him to the hospital as well.  Romney said these unprovoked attacks against people who create jobs has got to stop and blamed Obama’s leadership for the patently anti-business atmosphere in PCW.

When asked by Bernstein about Big Oil calling McGill out and starting the conflict Monday night, Romney responded, “Well, that’s just a totally different thing.”

Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition told Bernstein that if the big boys can’t play in the bingo halls and armories that the independent contingent of PCW has been cosigned to without crying when things don’t go their way, they can always stay in their limos and fancy arenas.

Blackwell:

We know that both parties are going to try real hard now to get the Television Title away from Dawn McGill and the Women’s Title away from Miss USA so ALL of the belts will be in the hands of the Democrats and Republicans.  We know that both parties want to shut down access to independent wrestlers to their big shows.  We know that both parties care more about advancing their agenda than they do for everyone in PCW.

If there is anything that will unite us, it’s any attempt by either party to take the belt away.  And mark my words, an independent may not be in the running for the PCW CEO job; an independent may not get the opportunity to wrestle for the PCW Title at Extreme Election Night in November- but independents will be the ones who will make the difference in the end.

Mitt Romney Goes to the NAACP: 7/12 PCW on P-SPAN- Part 1


PCW on P-SPAN
Thursday July 12th, 2012

Red Brand Show
Alamodome
San Antonio, TX

1) Texas Jack (R) def. ‘The American Eagle‘ Eric Fluellen (R)
The Eagle gets the jobber entrance, not a good sign.  Jack  hits a few body shots and drives Fluellen into the corner.  Then he goes out to the floor a drinks a few body shots off a Texas cowgirl- but we digress.

Jack hits a splash and flies off with an axe handle.  He hits the Brainbuster for the pin @ 6:05

Replay of Code Pink and Emily S List’s (D) attack on Jill Berg (R) this past Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

THUMP…THUMP….THUMP-THUMP-THUMP….

Jill Berg walks out with her entourage and climbs into the ring to address what happened.  Berg calls Code Pink mentally unstable and said that she showed her true colors Monday with her ‘cowardly’ attack.   She says she’s focused on one thing- the PCW Women’s Title.  Jill Berg: “…as the women’s champion I would bring a shining example to young girls all across this great nation of ours of how women can achieve great things with hard work and focus.”

Berg adds that she will do whatever she has to to whoever she has to, to be the next PCW Women’s champion.  Code Pink may have fired the first shot.  But when all is said and done, Jill Berg proclaims she will be the women’s champion.

2) Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) w/CEO Gordon Guyko def. Arizona‘s Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former lawmen fired for their extreme brand of justice (R) w/Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio (R)

Corporate Might overcomes a tough challenge from the rough and ready duo of Arizona’s Rough Justice to win themselves a shot at the #1 contender spot for the PCW Tag Team Title @ 8:06

Post match, Guyko gets on the mic and congratulates Rough Justice on a good match.  He says in the ring there are only enemies and tonight Corporate Might proved it was ready for anything.  Guyko says they will stop the Democrats from winning the PCW Tag Team title and Corporate Might will cash in and become the new PCW Tag Team Champions.

Condoleeza Rice (R) heads into a meeting with some of Mitt Romney‘s (R-MA) aides.  PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein asks one of the aides if that means Rice is under consideration for Romney’s running mate?

Aide: Not necessarily.  Besides, Romney’s not even here tonight.

Bernstein asks where he’s at?  The aide says Romney’s invaded ‘enemy territory.’

NAACP Convention
Romney is at the podium and receiving a chilly reception.

Romney: …being president is not about telling stories. Being president is about leading, and President Obama has failed to lead.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!

Romney smirks to himself and continues.

3) Magnum PO’d w/Robyn Masters def. Russ Smith of the Main Street Mafia
Magnum PO’d solidified his position for a shot at the PCW TV belt with a win over Smith @ 4:32

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with PCW Red Brand Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (R) through his translator Reika.  Tanaka responds to the Democrats who say the Republicans (and in particular, Mitt Romney) have ‘outsourced’ their title by having him as champion.

Tanaka says he works in the United States.  He pays US taxes.  He’s proud that this country has given him the opportunity to succeed.  Tanaka dares the Democrats, any Democrat, to say it to his face.

4) ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes (R) def. Andy ‘The Foul Pole’ Golatta (D)
As part of the deal to get Romney to speak at the NAACP, the Democrats sent Golatta to the Red Brand Show to battle PCW Hall of Famer and the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes.

… Starz with an enzuigiri.  He goes for a springboard but Golatta kills him with a half-nelson suplex: 1…2…NO! Taylor goes for the ‘Foul Pole’.  Starz, out of nowhere, locks in the American Stars and Fuji Armbar to make Golatta tap out @ 7:30

End of part 1

Brought to you by:

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The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the people behind and featuring characters from PCW.

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Fallout from PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

Tuesday night’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 saw Valora Salinas finally get over on ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) to win the PCW Television Title.

When asked to comment today, Chism said this:

Yes.  I lost the TV belt.  An insignificant, worthless, strap of leather.  I now hold the PCW Blue title and am now in line for a possible PCW title shot down the line.  What’s Valora in line for?  That’s right.  She’s not affiliated with either party.  She can have the TV belt.  I have the real title.

For her part, Valora called the TV title the ‘people’s belt’ now and promised to destroy anyone who challenges her for it.

Two more matches signed for November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012:
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Ohio: Marcy Kaptur (D) versus “Joe the Plumber” aka Samuel Wurzelbacher (R)

Finally, PCW will be offering three different touring groups moving forward towards Extreme Election Night.  The Blue Tour- Democrats.  The Red Tour- Republicans.  Independents- the rest.

The Blue group will be touring California, New York, big cities, and union halls all across the blue states.

The Red group will be in the finests arenas all across the red states.

The Independent groups will run in old school indy/ECW-type venues.

The road to Extreme Election Night begins next Monday night with PCW Extreme Political TV.

Final Card for PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas

-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)

-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

-Red Title Match: ‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

-Blue Title Match-Last Man Standing: Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D),  Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D),  ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Brought to you by:

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

Romney vs. Obama Set Plus Ted Nugent Shoots

PCW Extreme Political TV
Rushmore Plaza Civic Center
Rapid City, SD
Monday April 16, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Nancy Pelosi’s Office
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins barges into Pelosi’s office and demands that she get the PCW Competition Committee overturn the stipulation from last week that gave Miss USA a title chance.

Replay: The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Sventlana Kovalevski vs. Code Pink and Emily S. List- if the Mercenaries win Miss USA gets a title shot against KRC
KRC then interjects herself into the match by dragging Kovalevski out of the ring and List locks McGill up in the Abdominal Stretch. List, seeing McGill’s daughter ringside, starts taunting her. Then she lifts McGill up to body slam her and feels a sharp pain in her derriere. She drops McGill and turns around to see McGill’s 2 year old daughter smiling. List, distracted, then gets walloped by a kendo stick shot by McGill and that’s all.

McGill gets the pin and Miss USA gets her title shot coming up Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.

Pelosi doesn’t make any promises but tells KRC she’ll see what she can do.

Suave starts the show in the ring with the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D).  Democrats Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) accompany him ringside.

Replay: The Sanderman’s win over former PCW Champion Daniel-San at a PCW House Show to win the title.

The PCW Champion says there is not one second  that he ever thought he was going to lose once he got in the ring with Daniel-San.  The Sanderman says he had the Democrats behind 100% his win proves that a true champ retains the will to win even through their most disappointing setbacks.  He says he hasn’t been in PCW all that long but he wondered how everyone would react after he won the belt.  The crowd cheers.

 The Sanderman blasted Daniel-San for lashing out and making excuses. The crowd chants “What A Loser.”  Suddenly, the crowd roars as Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and Mitt Romney (R-MA) appear at the top of the ramp.  Tanaka strides down the ramp and climbs into the ring.

Suave announces that the main event for June’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 PPV will be Tanaka vs. The Sanderman for the PCW title!  The crowd roars again.

Tanaka nods and then offers The Sanderman a handshake.  The Sanderman accepts and then Tanaka boots him in the stomach.  Powerbomb.  Then he drags the champion to the top turnbuckle…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Romney claps and then gets on the microphone to tell PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) to ‘start packing.’

 MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:
-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)

(1) Daniel-San defeats Brad Company

Company, still waiting for the PCW Super Court to render its decision concerning health care, falls victim to the Labell Lock.  Post match, John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives attack Daniel-San again.

Mrs. Miyagi and Halitosis race down to make the save again.  But then…


Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother

Tebow and suspended St. Louis Rams Defensive Co-ordinator Gregg Williams hit the ring and attack Halitosis.  Williams throws Mrs. Miyagi from the ring and Tebow then uses a lead pipe on Halitosis’s knee.  Then he blasts him in the head with the lead pipe and then leaves with Williams after collecting a bounty from Creese and the Cobra Conservatives.

PCW Competition Committee Meeting
Pelosi makes the case that the stipulation giving Miss USA her title shot this Thursday night should be vacated.  Predictably, John Boehner (R-OH) is against it.  They vote and defeat Pelosi’s measure largely along party lines.

Undaunted, KRC vows to take it to the PCW Executive Committee.

Suave talks about the recent controversy involving Pippa Middleton and the driver of a car she was riding pointing a gun at paparazzi.

M de Soultrait: “Pippa is a very good friend of mine and this gun affair is very silly. It was a children’s toy that the driver had in his car. Pippa thought it was funny. It is fine in France to do that and the police are not investigating,”

Suave: Ahhhh.  That explains France’s performance against the Germans in World War 2- toy guns.

Then famed rocker, ‘The Motor City Madman’ Ted Nugent strolled out with the other members of Politically Incorrect. 


Politically Incorrect (from left): NRA, Andrea Doria (up), Al Cahall (down), and Nic Koteen

Nugent says the whole French thing is overblown and another reason that if Barack Obama is still the PCW CEO after November, he will be dead or in jail. 

Suave: Whoa, whoa, whoa.   

Nugent: Our CEO, and legal counsel, our second in command, Hillary Clinton — they’re all criminals.  We’re Americans because we defied the king. … We are patriots, we are bravehearts. We need to ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November like those Frenchy types did during the French Revolution.

Suave calls Nugent’s comments ‘strong’ (a vertiable understatement) and wonders if that will get the attention of PCW Secret Security force.

Box Suite Above the Arena
PCW Secret Security parties hard with members of the GSA.  Even Hillary Clinton (D-NY) is there swigging beers and dancing around.

Suave: Or maybe not…

(2) PCW Tag Team Non-Title Match: Scott Walker’s Rangers: The Walker Brothers- Ronnie and John (R) def. Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker

Post match, both teams continue to brawl with Ronnie Walker and James the Jeep Worker fighting into the crowd while John Walker and Big Labor fought in the ring.

PCW Executive Committee Meeting
Harry Reid makes the case to vacate the stipulation giving Miss USA her title shot Thursday night.  But the Republicans filibuster the measure and the Democrats can’t get the 60 votes needed to stop it. 

KRC angrily walks out of the room.

Backstage
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Miss USA about the upcoming match.  Miss USA tells Bernstein that she’s going to prove that a woman can be a mother and hold a career and the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Ann Romney walks out to join the conversation.  Mrs. Romney offers to be in Miss USA’s corner Thursday night.  Bernstein notes that Hilary Rosen (D) is going to be in KRC’s corner for the match.

Miss USA turns Ann Romney down and says she doesn’t want to make this a political battle.  Besides, she’s got all the back up she needs in…


The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski

The Three Stooges Appear
Larry (Sean Hayes), Curly (Will Sasso) and Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos) come out and entertain the crowd with their eye gouges, the nyuk nyuks, the open handed slaps and the other forms of physical comedy.  Suave wonders if the Three Stooges movie can unseat ‘The Hunger Games at the box office.

Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss in the movie ‘The Hunger Games’) walks out and whips out her bow and shoots three arrows striking each Stooge.  The trio fall to the ground.

Suave: Guess that’s a no.

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

Back in the ring, Suave talks with Mitt Romney and Yamamoto Tanaka.  Romney says he is going to introduce the new face of PCW—a man who will carry the PCW banner for years to come.  The crowd boos as Tanaka raises his hands.

Tanaka, through an interpretor, thanks Romney and gets more boos from the audience.  Romney says Tanaka brings legitimacy back to PCW and he’s immediately interrupted by the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D).

The Sanderman doesn’t even bother with pleasantries as he charges Tanaka and a brawl ensues.  Romney bails as both men unload on each other.  PCW Security hits the ring to separate the two as the show ends.

Big Union Parties After SB 5 Defeat: 11/10-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
PCW Hall
Archbold, OH
Thursday November 10th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

*Ten Bell Salute in Memory of the late former Heavyweight Champion ‘Smokin’ Joe Frazier*

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…”

Political Championship Wrestling returns to the hallowed PCW Hall and the forces of Big Union are all in the ring.   Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D), The Longshoremen (D), The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D), The OWS: Shane, Nate, and Adam (D), and Union Maid (D) along with the King of Unions Richard Trumka (D) and several Democrats gloat over the defeat of Ohio‘s Senate Bill 5 this past Tuesday.

Trumka says the results prove that big unions are the true champions of the middle class and no one can say otherwise- not even faux middle class wannabe Charlie Blackwell (I).  Trumka says the way to go is union and to illustrate his point, he calls one of the non-union drink vendors into the ring.  Reluctantly, the vendor climbs in.

Trumka wants the world to see why working non-union is such a bad idea.  The Longshoremen deck the poor vendor from behind.  The rest of the big union forces start kicking the crap out of him and then toss him from the ring.  Trumka then has Golatta go to the front and drag the non-union ticket taker from the door to the ring.  Again, the Longshoremen attack and the others beat him up and throw him from the ring.

Suave goes berserk and gets Trumka’s attention.  He directs the Longshoremen to bring Suave into the ring.  They do and Trumka slaps Suave for questioning big union’s tactics.  Golatta gets ready to give Suave a ‘Foul Pole’ shot and then…

*”Can You Hear the People Sing?” from the musical Les Miserables plays*

Down runs Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition with Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, “No Frills” Chris Escondido and Blackwell’s Les Miserables. Blackwell hits the scorpion death drop on Big Labor and then gets swallowed up by the Big Union forces.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1
The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/the California Teacher’s Union, The OWS, and the King of all Unions Richard Trumka
vs.
Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland Coalition) w/Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables

Suave: “A four on three match?”

…body scissors by Big Labor on Blackwell.  Blackwell escapes and tries to tag Escondido in.  Longshoreman Pete stops the tag and Big Labor tags in Longshoreman Russell.  To the big union corner they go, back elbow by Russell.  Stomp to the knees by Big Labor.  Stomp to the knees by James the Jeep Worker.

The crowd roars when someone runs down to the ring to join Blackwell’s team.

Suave: “IT’S THE PCW CHAMPION!  DANIEL-SAN IS IN THE RING!”

Daniel-San hits a whisper in the wind.  Daniel-San goes low and takes down both Longshoremen with kicks to the groin.  He lands an elbow shot on King Trumka and lays out both Longshoremen again.  Corner splash to Big Labor.  Big boot to James the Jeep Worker. Swinging neckbreaker by Daniel-San to OWS Nate.   Daniel-San up top, SWANTON.  Golatta and Malibu Dusty in, belly to belly to OWS Adam…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…James the Jeep Worker up top,   Mike the Mechanic crotches him and Daniel-San nails Longshoreman Russell.  Mike up top…top rope fist drop.  He covers for 2.

Trumka, enraged, gets on the microphone and demands that the Democrats come out and take care of this ‘minor problem’ if they know what’s good for them.  Axel Rodd (D), The Bureaucrats: Jordan Metzger and Andy Riley (D),  among others heed the call and again Blackwell’s side is overwhelmed by the number’s game.

Russell clocks Mike the Mechanic from behind with a flapjack.  Longshoreman Russell makes the cover for the pin.

WINNER: The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) @ 18:15

Post match, big union continues the beatdown of Blackwell and company.

BACKSTAGE
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
along with their new CEO Gordan Guyko confer.  They watch the big union assault on the American Heartland with whimsy.  Walstreit wonders if they should go out and help.  Big Oil and Guyko ignore Walstreit and continue to talk among themselves.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

From Monday’s PCW Extreme Political TV: Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
Scott and Casey have McGill up and ready for the DSD (Death Spiral Drop).  Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List hit the ring and Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb that hits Scott in the eyes.  Scott and Casey are then attacked by the PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) and now it’s four against two.  McGill and Kovalevski then even the odds and the show ends with all eight women in the ring and PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) coming to ringside.

Obama, once again going around the PCW Competition Committee, books a handicap match for Republicans Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey against Democrats Women for Women and the Korver Sisters for Thursday night.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) comes on the big screen and makes it clear that if the Mercenaries (Independents Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) interfere in the match they will be suspended indefinitely.   Obama intends to make a point tonight.

MATCH #2
Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) and PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

The MoD come in with an extremely foul disposition and Pink and List find themselves outside the ring within the first minute of the match.  The Korvers then take over from there.

…corner shots by Korey and Kelly on Angel Casey.  Casey tries to fight her way out.  Kelly tries to restrain her.  Casey bites her and then runs across the ring.  Emily List back in and hits a backdrop.  Code Pink in now, lays the boots to Casey.  Angel Scott comes in but she gets back elbowed by Kelly Korver.  Then Code Pink talks trash to Scott.  Scott slaps Pink and fights back.  Korey Korver whips her to the corner and the Korvers double team.

Code Pink gives Angel Casey a glitter bomb to the eyes.  That allows the Korvers to hit the Korver Krusher for the win.

WINNER: Women for Women and the Korver Sisters @ 11:02

Krugman’s Sour Note, Daniel-San (I) Gets Big Win: 9/12-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Lehigh Stabler Arena
Bethleham, PA
Monday September 12th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

*Ten Bell Salute to commemorate the Tenth Anniversary of 9/11*

Suave introduces Professor Paul Krugman (D) of the New York Times in the ring.

Suave: “He is the man who knows more than you- just ask him.  Paul Krugman!”

Krugman says he doesn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade but he claims “the memory of 9/11 has been irrevocably poisoned” by the likes of George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani.   Krugman targets America and its quote, ‘fake heroes.’  Krugman claims that the atrocity has been hijacked by George W. Bush and Rudy Giuliani who he says capitalized on the horrible crimes.   And then the attack was used to justify an unrelated war the neocons wanted to fight, for all the wrong reasons.  Krugman produces some nice heat from the crowd with his incessant whining.

Suave interrupts Professor Krugman and asks him isn’t it time to give the conspiracy talk a rest because it’s getting embarrassing.

Krugman waves Suave away and then closes by telling ‘The Voice of PCW’ to go to the first match because he doesn’t want anyone to comment on what he’s just said.

Fox News’s Greg Gutfield takes issue with that and climbs into the ring with Krugman.  Krugman tells him to get out, that intellectually Gutfield isn’t even in the same solar system as he is and he doesn’t want any comments to what he’s say for ‘obvious reasons.’

Gutfield: “The worst part, at the end of his little rant, the creep says  ‘I’m not going to allow comments for obvious reasons.  That obvious reason: He’s a coward. Why else would you ban responses?  He is like a 10-year-old boy crank calling all of us to hang up before he hears the response, hearing shame for his own wickedness.  Now I watched the memorial services and I feel sorry for the families whose grief never ends, but since I’m lousy at emotional reflection, usually I avoid it.  But I can summarize how many feel today in nine words: Go to hell Paul Krugman, you bitter bearded buffoon.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave reviews two matches held earlier in the night…

California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I)
…Escondido in control with a Boston Crab on Malibu Dusty.  Then two men rush the ring and assault Blackwell and Escondido.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  It’s the Longshoremen, Pete and Russell, from Longview, Washington.  We knew they were coming to PCW but not this soon!”

Malibu Dusty rolls Escondido over and gets the easy pinfall.

Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D).
This one never got started.  The Longshoremen (D) came back out again and attacked Big Oil and Walstreit.  After what went down with Independents Blackwell and Escondido earlier,  the entire Republican roster came out to take them on and it was just a bloody chaotic mess.

Suave states that now the PCW Competition Committee will have to decide how to handle this.  Will the #1 contenders match next week be a tag team three way dance?  Stay tuned.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein tries to interview The Longshoremen.  Bernstein barely gets a word out and Russell and Pete attack him with f-bombs and other unpleasantries.  Finally, they lift Bernstein and give him the ‘ShipWreck’ on the floor and leave.

Medical personnel quickly arrive.

PCW CHAMPION YAMAMOTO TANAKA RETROSPECTIVE
Video tribute to PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) who’s leaving after the Lock and Load PPV show.

First, Tanaka’s first title win…

Tanaka had been on the trail of ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism for several weeks before scoring a three-way match for the title along with Khalid-El.  After the Iranian was dispatched, Tanaka destroyed Chism to win the PCW Title.

Suave: “Tanaka’s first title reign would be surprisingly short thanks to a boycott of PCW’s Kingman, Arizona house show by the Democrats over Arizona’s enaction of a controversial immigration law.  Tanaka no-showed the event and under PCW rules he forfeited the title to Average Joe.”

Tanaka’s second title win…

Tanaka regained the PCW Title at Loose Cannons Unleashed 6 in an epic battle with Average Joe that lasted 11 hours and three days.

Suave: PCW Extreme Election Night 2010, the phenomenon known as Jill- Berg got her shot against Tanaka for the PCW title.  Tanaka came out for the match looking as if he’d been hit by a truck.   It was clear from the outset that something had taken place in the back before the match from the sluggish manner Tanaka moved in the ring.   Berg won in 41 seconds.  Then Triple R (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) both came out and took responsibility for the attack on Tanaka to get him out the way so one of them could win the PCW Title.

Tanaka’s third title win…

March 27, 2011 – In a wild match, Tanaka defeated Kevin Scott at PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction to become a three time PCW Champion.

Suave: “Thank you, Yamamoto Tanaka and good luck to you.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) is in the ring.  Urban calls out PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I) to the ring.

Valora walks out and joins Urban in the ring.

Quick video montage of Valora’s ‘path of rage’ through PCW ever since she made her debut a few weeks back.

Urban wants to know what the deal is.  She knows the Democrats not signing her is a sticky point with her and the Triple Threat’s interference costing her a match against Kathryn Randall Collins (D) really pissed her off.  Callie says she’s come out here to give Valora what she wants- a title shot at PCW Lock and Load.

The crowd erupts.  Callie says there’s a condition- the condition is that the path of rage stops.  Urban asks Valora if they have a deal.  Valora nods.

So, it’s on.  PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban puts her title on the line against Valora Salinas in less than two weeks at PCW Lock and Load.

MAIN EVENT: Round Two of the Lock and Load Play-In
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R) vs. Triple R (D)
…Daniel-San tries for a sleeper so Triple R kicks him in the nuts twice then ball shots him on the ropes as well. Ray and Collins start involving the audience by borrowing assorted plunder to beat Daniel-San with. More groin shots.  Triple R bashes him with a phone.  Then out of the blue, Ray and Collins turn on Triple R and slam him on a chair.  Double cover…1…2…3.   TRIPLE R eliminated.

…Daniel-San is pissed and to punctuate that statement he punches Ray in the balls.  Collins comes in and gets dumps on his head.  Mrs. Miyagi leans in and chokes Ray with the belt.  Crowd wants blood.  Daniel-San piledrives Collins on the steel chair.   LA-BELL LOCK!  Collins taps.  KEVIN COLLINS eliminated.

…Daniel-san and Triple R get into a brawl outside the ring.  Charlie Blackwell (I) runs out and collides with the referee.  That gives Triple R the opening to run in and cane the crap out of everyone.  Blackwell takes a great shot and the ref is next.  Daniel-San catches Ray with a piledriver.   Blackwell ducks a second cane shot and kicks Triple R in the balls.  Triple R then gets a ride over the top rope.  Daniel-San set for the Crane Kick…Good night Nick Ray!  Cover…1…2…3   NICK RAY eliminated.

WINNER: Daniel-San @ 12:15

The card for PCW Lock and Load in less than two weeks:

First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. TBA

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs TBA

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

Big Labor vs. The Tea Party: 9/8-PCW Politics Is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
Ventura County Fairgrounds
Santa Barbara, CA
Thursday September 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomes everyone to a rare PCW show in California.  He recaps the escalating war of words between the Big Labor forces and the Tea Party.

Video package Teamster  James Hoffa’s remarks on Labor Day.  Hoffa goes after the Tea Party big time and then, with PCW CEO Barack Obama set to come out later, says…

Hoffa: ‘Mr. Obama, This Is Your Army. We Are Ready to March. Let’s Take These Son of Bitches Out’..

Later on that day, Obama’s aide de camp, Joe Biden, had this to say to an AFL-CIO rally:  “You Are The Only Folks Keeping The Barbarians From the Gates’…and “The middle class is under attack because the labor movement is under attack.”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein has Obama spokesperson Jay Carney with him.

Bernstein asks him why Obama hasn’t commented on Hoffa’s remarks.  Carney: “I understand that there is a ritual in Washington that, you know, somebody says something, and you link the associations, and then everybody who has an association with him or her has to avow or disavow. The President wasn’t there, he wasn’t on the stage, he didn’t speak for another twenty minutes, he didn’t hear it. I really don’t have any comment beyond that.”

Bernstein then reminded him that when Cincinnati radio host Bill Cunningham spoke before then PCW CEO candidate John McCain and said some very intemperate things about CEO Obama, the McCain campaign apologized.  What’s the difference here?  Carney: Mr. Hoffa speaks for himself, he speaks for the labor movement, AFL-CIO.   CEO Obama speaks for himself, I speak for the CEO. What the CEO was glad to do yesterday was the opportunity to present his views on the importance of working Americans, and on the importance of taking measures to help working Americans, to create jobs and grow the economy.”

Finally, Bernstein asks if Obama found the comments appropriate.  Carney: “Can we just move on, please?”

Suave: “Oh, puh-leeze.  So, am I correct to restate that because Barack Obama wasn’t on stage when Hoffa, Jr., introduced him in this fashion, he shouldn’t comment on it although Obama did praise Hoffa, Jr., once he started his speech?  Yet Sarah Palin (R-AK), Rush Limbaugh (R-FL), et al., who had nothing at all to do with Loughner shooting Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) were vehemently blamed for inciting violence with what they said?   Ok, Obama didn’t say it. But of course he was there. And if he was not on stage, he was certainly on deck. And the question is not whether he’s willing to take it back but whether he is willing to disavow that PORTION of the introduction. Thanks for telling us “no,” Mr. Carney.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Terrapin walks out in…well…you see…

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”

MATCH #1
The Terrapin (I) vs. James the Jeep Worker (D) w/Union Maid
-James the Jeep Worker comes out with new valet, Union Maid.
-The Terrapin comes out in what appears to be the Maryland state flag wrapped around someone. 

…To the corner, reversal and a back elbow by James.  Clothesline to the Terrapin by Union Maid.  James covers for 2.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  WHAT’S SHE DOING OUT HERE?”

‘She’ is…


PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas

Suave recaps last week on PCW Extreme Political TV, when Valora took out the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism’s (D)  Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe, Chism, and Triple R (D) after the Chism-Triple R match.

Suave: “We know she’s mad because the Democrats chose PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) over her.  We know she’s pissed off at the Republicans for the Triple Threat’s interference in one of her matches.  The question on everyone’s mind is: what exactly does she want?”

Valora​ makes her way out to the ring.  Union Maid tries to stop her on the floor, and argues with her.   Valora pretends she’s going to leaves, turns around, and blasts Union Maid in the head with a lead pipe.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Valora in and goes up top…she blasts The Terrapin with the lead pipe from behind.  James back in and tries to steal a win.  He rolls him up for 2- broken up when Valora drills him in the back with the pipe.    She whips James to the corner, boot by Valora.  Up top and a leaping sidekick connects.  Valora flips him off and leaves.

RESULT: No contest @ 6:15

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein has the “Alaskan Pitbull” Sarah Palin in the back.  Bernstein asks her about James Hoffa, Jr.’s remarks.

Palin: “What I have to say is for the hard working, patriotic, selfless union brothers and sisters in Michigan and throughout our country: Please don’t be taken in by union bosses’ thuggery like Jim Hoffa represented yesterday. Union bosses like this do not have your best interests at heart. What they care about is their own power and re-electing their friend Barack Obama so he will take care of them to the detriment of everyone else.”

Suave wonders aloud what the difference is between what Hoffa said and the targets on Sarah Palin’s Facebook?   Suave: “Not much.”

Suave announces tonight’s main event: a six man tag match between Big Labor and the Tea Party.

MATCH #2
Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (R) vs. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
-This is McGill and Kovalevski’s coming out party
-Women for Women have also worked together before. 

…Kovalevski and List in, Kovalevski tosses List to the floor. Kovalevski to the floor, and McGill hits the heat-seeking missile on List.  Kovalevski back in, and nails s with a dive and they brawl up the ramp. Code Pink in, up top, and gets a clothesline to Kovalevski.  Dump suplex connects, and Pink looks for the moneymaker, countered, and Kovalevski rolls her up for the win.

FINISH: McGill/Kovalevski @ 9:52

Triple R (D), Arianna Huffington, and Markos Moulitsas come out.  Triple R kills the ref on the floor and hits the ring to brawl with McGill and Kovalevski.  McGill hits elbows to Triple R in the corner.  Kovalevski nails a charging knee in the corner.  Triple R bails and McGill follows. They continue to brawl on the floor.  McGill sets for the big splash.  Triple R shoves the ref in the way.  Triple R gets a chair and nails McGill in the back with it.  Triple R then blasts Kovalevski with it and the Republicans come out to protect The Mercenaries.

Triple R leaves with Huffington and Markos, saying he is the baddest man on the planet.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

*flute and clarinet flourish*

PCW BARACK OBAMA’S SPEECH
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet?  Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.  The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.  Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.

Obama introduces the “PCW Jobs Act,” that represents his attempt to jump-start PCW’s momentum that has slowed nearly to a halt in recent months.  The CEO says PCW should pass this bill right away.

Obama: “The purpose of the PCW Jobs Act is simple: to put more money in the pockets of our workers.   It will provide a jolt to our company that has stalled, and give us confidence that if they work hard, there will be opportunities for our products and services.  You should pass this jobs plan right away.”

Obama adds that he feels it’s the right balance, the right mix in getting money into people’s pockets.  We have very important initiatives to get people to work. … We have faith in our program. We think it will have very significant impact on PCW’s growth.

Obama leaves but comes back with one more thought, “You should pass this bill…right away!”

After Obama leaves, there’s a musical interlude.


Former Skanky Rich Bimbo Paris Hilton

Hilton appears behind a turntable as PCW has a musical interlude.

Suave: “What the hell?  Paris Hilton?  House DJ?”

Hilton: “I’ve got a house album coming out.  No woman has ever taken over in this arena … and I want to become that person.  I want to be the Queen of House Music.”

Suave does a little chair dancing.

Suave: “She’s not bad…the beat’s catchy.”

Valora runs out with her lead pipe and clocks Hilton with it.

Valora: “Queen of House Music?  I am the Queen of Extreme!”

Then she trashes the turntable and totally wrecks the sound system.

MATCH #3
Jackie Daniels (I) w/Jill Berg vs. Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen of the Triple Threat (R)
-Jackie is looking to build on an impressive challenge to PCW Women’s champion Callie Urban (D) and takes on another up and comer in Kalee Jones.

…Daniels takes Jones down and gets the bridging reverse STF.  The Eskimo Queen uses her power to get the ropes.  Jones works the abdominal stretch now.  Daniels escapes, boot to Jones and sticks her with a DDT.  She covers…Daniels kicks out at 2.  Daniels to the 2nd rope now, fist drop connects.  Daniels is limping, and Jones nails a spin kick.  She spins Daniels around and hits the Eskimo Pieface.  Cover…1…2…3.

RESULTS: Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen @ 8:17

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW CEO Barack Obama in back with a message, “You should pass this bill right away!”

MATCH #4–Republican Rumble
’Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson- representing Herman Cain
’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- representing Mitt Romney
Jack Schmidt- representing Ron Paul
Texas Jack- representing Rick Perry
Dann Armey- representing Rick Santorum
Average Joe- representing Michele Bachmann
Brad Company- representing Newt Gingrich
Jamie Walker- representing Jon Huntsman

Before the bell, Valora Salinas (I) again attacks.  She takes out Brad Company, Dann Armey, and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson with a lead pipe.  Security runs down and drags her away from the ring.

Union Maid (D) runs down and tackles Valora to the floor.  Rights by Union Maid.   Valora slams Union Maid to the apron.   Union Maid whips her into the ring steps.  Again, security tries to get in between the two and pull them apart.

In the ring…side back breaker by Scott to Jack Schmidt.  Dump suplex follows and Average Joe clotheslines Schmidt over the top rope.  Jack Schmidt eliminated.

Kicks to the chest of Walker by Scott.  Walker grabs Scott, Scott counters, and a backdrop by Walker.  Clothesline by Walker follows, and then he runs into a dropkick by Texas Jack. Kicks by Jack, chops follow.  Texas Jack counters the leg sweep, and gets a neck breaker.  He heaves Walker over the top rope.  Jamie Walker eliminated.

Monkey flip by Scott sends Average Joe across the ring.  He hits and flips over the top rope.  Average Joe eliminated.

Scott kicks Texas Jack in the head.  Jack fires back with stiff right hands and they trade shots.  Suplex try by Scott, countered, and a neck breaker by Texas Jack.  Cravat by Texas Jack.  Scott to his feet, he escapes and lays in the rights to Texas Jack.  Scott then slams Texas Jack to the steel post and Jack falls to the floor.  Texas Jack eliminated.

RESULT: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) @ 16:46

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #5- Big Labor vs. Tea Party- six man tag match
‘The Self Styled Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and the California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) and James Hoffa Jr. vs. Charlie Blackwell (I), Dave the Mechanic (Tea Party), and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay (Tea Party) w/Sheila the Secretary
-this has been brewing.  But Average Joe (Tea Party) wasn’t available due to the Republican Rumble so Charlie Blackwell (I) stepped in.  Dave the Mechanic returned to PCW with Sheila the Secretary.

Before the match began, PCW CEO Barack Obama came out yet again with a simple message, “You should pass this bill right away!”

Suave: “Yeah, I think we get the point.”

The match was the war everyone expected it to be.  Hoffa got involved early on which brought down ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) and Michele Bachmann (R-MN).

…Golatta batters McAvay from pillar to post with the trashcan.  A slugfest develops in the ring, and a wild swing from McAvay allows Golatta to hit the belly to belly suplex for two.  Tag to Big Labor, who continues the attack on McAvay.  He lays the boots to Tin Cupp in the corner, and then works the front facelock.  McAvay fights for a tag, knees by Big Labor and a tag to Malibu Dusty.  Rights by Dusty and McAvay is down again. Tag back to Golatta, to the second rope and leaps onto McAvay…

…out of the blue, Triple R (D) decides to hit the ring and attack Blackwell!  Big Labor rolls up Blackwell for two.  Spinning toe hold countered by Blackwell into a back suplex.  Blackwell grabs Triple R and tries for a piledriver off the apron through the table.  Big Labor tackles Blackwell and all three go through the table.

CROWD: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!!!

Golatta attacks McAvay and nails a pair of belly to belly suplexes.  Golatta with a ‘Foul Pole’ shot to the groin and McAvay is down.  Golatta tries for another Foul Pole, this one to Dave the Mechanic.  Sheila the Secretary jumps on Golatta’s back.  Malibu Dusty pulls Sheila off and hits a belly to belly.  Golatta Foul Poles Dave the Mechanic and picks up a belt.  He starts whipping Dave with it and Palin and Bachmann hit the ring.  Then Hoffa jumps in and the referee loses complete control of the match.

Before the show fades to black, Obama sneaks up to the camera and says: “YOU SHOULD PASS MY BILL…RIGHT AWAY!”…

 

——————————

Once Again, Obama Turns to the Big Speech – Scott Wilson, Washington Post
Economy on the Verge of a Double Dip Recession – David Leonhardt, NYT
The Obama Presidency by the Numbers – Michael Boskin, Wall St. Journal
Debate Leaves Perry and Romney in Control – Ed Morrissey, Hot Air
Why Romney Came Up Short – Howard Kurtz, The Daily Beast
NH May Be Perry’s Chance to Deliver Knockout Blow – Scott Conroy, RCP
No Problem With Hoffa’s Harangue – Jonathan Capehart, Washington Post
Why U.S. Health Care Leads the Way – Thomas Sowell, Investor’s Biz Daily
Time to Leave 9/11 Behind – E.J. Dionne, Washington Post
Nation Marks 9/11 in Personal, Public Ways – Caitlin Huey-Burns, RCP
Perry Shows Aggressive Style in First Debate – Dan Balz, Washington Post
The GOP Candidates Performed Well – Michael Barone, DC Examiner
President Needs Fighting Words in Speech – Michael Tomasky, Daily Beast
Obama Doesn’t Really Have a Plan – Caroline Baum, Bloomberg
Hoffa & the Right Wing Noise Machine – Greg Sargent, Washington Post
Obama Sinks to New Lows Among Whites, Hispanics – Lydia Saad, Gallup
Romney Won Face-Off With Perry – Michael Gerson, Washington Post
Failure to Dent Perry Bodes Ill for Romney – Jonathan Tobin, Commentary
Dire Climate Situation Requires Collective Action – Gernot Wagner, NYT
The Greens Are Not Vulcans – Walter Russell Mead, The American Interest
How Did Solyndra Get a Sweetheart Interest Rate? – Ed Morrissey, Hot Air
China’s Rise Isn’t America’s Demise – Vice President Joe Biden, NY Times
Obama’s Trifecta of Economic Ineptitude – Joel Kotkin, Forbes
Cheney’s Love Letter to Himself – Paul Begala, The Daily Beast
Keeping New York Safe – Raymond Kelly, New York Post
Where the Voices of 9/11 Live On – Cannon & Simendinger, RealClearPolitics
Why Liberals Fear the “Lochner” Decision – George Will, Washington Post
Has the GOP’s Economic Strategy Already Failed? – S. Rosenberg, NDN
Why Aren’t More Jobs Being Created? – Ezra Klein, Washington Post
Is Perry’s Social Security Stance “Toxic”? – Alana Goodman, Contentions
Perry’s Narrow Win – Marc Thiessen, PostPartisan
The Not-So-Bold Obama Jobs Plan – David Dayen, FDL

 

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