Janeane Garofalo | Political Championship Wrestling

4/29-PCW Extreme Political TV: Al Franken, Nancy Pelosi Gloat About Barbed Wire Win and Arlen Specter

Posted on April 29, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling

American Trucker and Average Joe (American Heartland Coalition) vs. Mr. Jaundice and Captain Nausea (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)/Big Monster Wahlie (Domination Inc.) vs. Snott Flemmstein (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)/#1 Contender’s Match for the PCW Women’s Title

4/29-PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV from the Palace of Political Extreme- PCW Hall in Archbold, Ohio
HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “HELLO AND WELCOME TO PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV! I’M JOHNNY SUAVE. THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN! THE WRESTLING WORD IS STILL BUZZING OVER WHAT TOOK PLACE SUNDAY NIGHT ON PCW ON P-SPAN. IF YOU MISSED IT, HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED…”

REPLAY FROM 4/26 PCW ON P-SPAN: The aftermath of the Steel Cage Grudge Match:Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs.PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
Suave: “TESSA MARTIN GETS THE WIN AND…NOW WHAT? DICK CHENEY WANTS TO SHAKE TESSA’S HAND NOW? IS HE NUTS?” Dick thrusts his hand out to Tessa. Tessa looks around the crowd and gauges their response. Dick: “Shake my f***ing hand!” Tessa’s eyes widen. Then she Pizza Cutters Dick. The crowd explodes. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! TESSA JUST PIZZA CUTTER’D DICK…NOW SHE’S BEING ATTACKED BY W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD!” Card, Perino, Fleisher, and Rove beat down Tessa. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter and former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton enter the cage. Coulter grabs Garofalo and handcuffs her to the side of the cage. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER HAS HANDCUFFED JANEANE GAROFALO TO THE CAGE. AND NOW, ARI FLEISCHER AND ANDREW CARD HAVE BROUGHT IN A BARREL FULL OF WATER? AND A BOARD? Oh…no.” Burton pulls Tessa up and drapes her on the board. Perino handcuffs Tessa’s arms behind her back around the board and Fleischer and Card lower her into the water. Suave: “NO! STOP THEM! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” Lamb: “My God. Are they actually…waterboarding her?” Suave: “WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE, BRIAN?” Suave jumps on top of the announcer’s table. Suave: “DICK, THIS IS WRONG! STOP IT!” Dick sneers at Suave and has a microphone.

Dick: “Of course you would think that way, Suave. Because you’re weak. You all are weak! When you face an enemy, do you worry about piddly little minute details such as the Geneva Convention?” Coulter takes a steel chair and blasts Garofalo with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE’S KNOCKED OUT!” Dick: “F*** no! You do what you have to do to win. To project strength and to deter those who would harm you.” Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Steny Hoyer run to the ring. Dick flips them off. Suave: “THIS IS JUST WRONG!” The board is pulled out of the barrel of water and laid on the canvas. Cheney, Card, Rove, Perino, etal then exit the cage. Dick again flips off Pelosi etal as they smugly walk to the back. Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew quickly enter the ring and attend to Garofalo and Tessa.

Suave: “So the question is-” Female voice: “HOLD ON! HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE!” Nancy Pelosi walks out and heads towards the ring with a grinning Al Franken. Suave: “THERE’S AL FRANKEN WHO WON THAT BRUTAL HARDCORE BARBED WIRE DEATHMATCH OVER NORM COLEMAN SUNDAY NIGHT.” Franken is bandaged up from the match. Pelosi and Franken enter the ring. Pelosi: Hold on just a moment! Now, before I get to Dick Cheney and waterboarding, can we all give it up for Al Franken?” Polite applause. Pelosi: “Didn’t he do a great job in defeating once and for all- Norm Coleman?” More polite applause. Pelosi: “I think so. With Al Franken winning Sunday night and the news today that longtime stalwart of the American Patriots, Arlen Specter finally got tired of Rush Limbaugh running the show and joined the Progressive Alliance, it’s been a great week for the Progressive Alliance.”

Dick Cheney and the rest of W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad- “The Mastermind” Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card, appear and they head to the ring. Twenty-five percent of the audience cheers. The rest boo. They climb into the ring. Rove keeps pointing to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a friggin’ genius. Cheney: “Oh boo-f***-ing hoo. Where is he?” Pelosi: “Where is who?” Cheney: “Where is that two-timing ***** ******* traitor Arlen Specter? If you see him, tell him I’ve got a ticket for him.” Pelosi: “A ticket?” Cheney: “That’s right. A ticket. A one way ticket to what I like to call- Club Gitmo.” The lights shine on the side of PCW Hall and illuminate a pool of water and a board on the side to lower someone in. More boos roll in. Cheney: “Just like Janeane Garofalo found out last week. Just like ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin found out last week. Just like Arlen Specter is going to find out THIS week.” Cheney pauses for more boos. Cheney: “If you’re not with us, you’re against us. Arlen Specter…where ever you’re hiding…if you can’t stand the heat…we’ll, don’t worry…I’VE got something that’ll cool you right off.” Cheney points to the waterboarding device inside ‘Club Gitmo.’

Pelosi: “I think that’s terrible! They should lock you up, Dick Cheney, for waterboarding Tessa Martin last week.” Cheney: “Nancy, with all due respect, you’ve known that we were going to use waterboarding for quite a long time.” Pelosi: W-what? That’s simply not true. I’ve never been a part of any briefing where the subject of waterboarding-”

TAPE FROM MEETING OF THE PCW COMPETITION COMMITTEE A FEW MONTHS BACK
Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Steny Hoyer representing the Progressive Alliance, and Mitch McConnell and John Boehner of the American Patriots sit at a table with Cheney, Rove, and Don Rumsfeld. Pelosi: “So…the consensus is that because PCW has already allowed chloroform, jumper cables, tasers, cattle prods, that we’re going to allow powerful drugs that are transmitted by touch that cause temporary paralysis?” Everyone murmurs yes. Pelosi: “Okay. Motion carried.” Cheney: “Nancy, any objection to the use of waterboarding in PCW events?” Pelosi: “That’s fine. Whatever. Next?

Pelosi’s jaw drops. Cheney: “Now, madame speaker. If you don’t mind, we need to engage in a man hunt for Mr. Specter.”

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Suave: “Well. That can’t be good. Last week on PCW Extreme Political TV, we had the successful debut of Movie Classic, who’ll be taking over the reins of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers group.

REPLAY: LAST WEEK’S PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV:
ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS LOCKER ROOM
…A guy wearing sunglasses and a tacky sports coat walks in. MAN: “Look at this dressing room. I see dead people. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Jimmy: “Who are you?” MAN: “I’m Movie Classic. Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make?” Snott: “What. Listen to children do what? What are you talking about?” DVD: “Really. Just leave us alone to our fate.” Dredd Pirate Dougie: “War’s over, man. Dr. Bill dropped the big one on us.” Movie Classic: “Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” Richard Headd: “Germans?” Dr. Rectum: “Shhhh, he’s rolling.” Movie Classic: “And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough…” A long pause follows. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers wait…and wait…and wait for him to finish the sentence. Movie Classic: “…the the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go!”

THE END OF NEWT TRON BOMB (American Patriots) vs. SNAFU MATCH LAST WEEK:
Suave: “SNAFU sets the chair up for the Triple Jump Moonsault. WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! JIMMY FROM SO CAL JUST PUSHED SNAFU OFF TH ROPES!” Movie Classic comes up to Dr. Bill. Movie Classic: “Say hello to my little friends!” Richard Headd, Snott Flemmstein, and Dredd Pirate Douggie tackle Dr. Bill.

Suave: “IT’S THE ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS! THEY’RE PUMMELING DR. BILL!” SNAFU is up and staggers towards the ring. Suave: “S.M. ART BOMB THROWS SNAFU BACK IN THE RING. N-BOMB STICK HIS BUTT IN HIS FACE. OOOOOHHHH! ICK! SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! N-BOMB COVERS. ONE. TWO. THREE!”

WINNER: NEWT TRON BOMB

Suave: “Movie Classic leads the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to get their revenge on Dr. Bill for leading them to be slaughtered by Domination Inc. last Sunday. AND THEY’RE NOT DONE YET! THEY’VE SET UP A TABLE AND DRAPED DR. BILL ON IT. DVD TO THE TOP ROPE. HE JUMPS. HE MISSES! OW! ALL RIGHT, HERE’S DREDD PIRATE DOUGGIE. *CRUNCH* HOLY CRAP!” Dr. Bill is driven through the table. Another PCW chant starts up.

MATCH #1
MR. JAUNDICE and CAPTAIN NAUSEA w/Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
vs. AVERAGE JOE and THE AMERICAN TRUCKER w/Tequila Sheila (American Heartland Coalition)
Suave: “This is the debut for Mr. Jaundice and Captain Nausea and they are…um…let’s say…color appropriate. Yellow and green is an interesting mix of colors.” The bell rings. Suave: “Jaundice starts with Average Joe. Joe grabs a wristlock. Jaundice reverses it into an armbar. Joe counters into an armwringer. Jaundice with a takedown. Off the ropes, Jaundice runs into a monkeyflip. Captain Nausea in and hits a drop toehold on Joe. Jaundice with a senton off the ropes on Average Joe.” American Trucker runs in and dropkicks Captain Nausea and sends him outside.

Suave: “Jaundice whips Average Joe into the corner and tags in Captain Nausea. Neckbreaker by Nausea for two. He locks in a chinlock, but Average Joe elbows out. Nausea goes for a back suplex. American Trucker in the ring…he clips the legs. Average Joe falls on top of him for a cover. One…two…no. Jaundice makes the save! American Trucker charges into a back elbow. Jaundice off the top rope…and he runs right into a dropkick! Average Joe covers. One…two-shoulder up. Backdrop by Average Joe. He’s got Jaundice up…SPINEBUSTER! Average Joe covers. One, two, no! Jaundice kicks out. Average Joe gets backdropped to the apron. Captain Nausea elbows him to the floor. Double-team on American Trucker….DOUBLE TEAM SUPLEX! Cover…HERE COMES SNAFU!”

SNAFU slides in the ring with a steel folding chair. *CLANG* Suave: “HE JUST NAILED CAPTAIN NAUSEA! MOVIE CLASSIC IN THE RING. *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! SCHOOLBOY ROLL-UP ON JAUNDICE BY AMERICAN TRUCKER! ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: AMERICAN TRUCKER and AVERAGE JOE

Dr. Bill comes out and smirks. He nods approvingly and he and SNAFU walk to the back.

———————-

COMMERCIAL TIME:

The E-Wrestling Magazine is the home for all the latest news on e-federations all across the country. Check out PCW and all the latest stories:

Chairman Martin Plans to Redirect Company Wednesday, 29 April 2009 (/)
Just Wrestling’s What Next? Tour: It Goes There Tuesday, 28 April 2009 (/)
Interview with Ron Meischker this Thursday Tuesday, 28 April 2009 (/)
4/26- PCW on P-SPAN: Coleman vs. Franken in Barbed Wire Deathmatch, Plus Women’s Cage Match Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
Dream Wrestling Plans DVD Release of 18 DWF Pay Per Views Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
2 new free poser shots Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
2 Posers by Eric for EWZine Release Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
Eight Random Roleplays 04.26.09 Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
SWF LIVE (Full Report) Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
Dreamwrestling.com Exclusive Web Show Airs! Saturday, 25 April 2009 (/)
4/25-PCW Extra: The Coleman/Franken Feud Saturday, 25 April 2009 (/)
All-Star Championship Wrestling 4/16/09 Report Friday, 24 April 2009 (/)
Dreamwrestling.com to Air Two Matches Sunday! Friday, 24 April 2009 (/)
The Big Shot 04.23.09 Thursday, 23 April 2009 (/)
BOB: Total Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION! #20 Results! Thursday, 23 April 2009 (/)

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Fed Wars.org – Fed Wars is an interfed promotion currently run by Ben Halkum. There are a number of e-feds already involved in this project.

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Suave: “Okay, we’re back on PCW Extreme Political TV. It looks like Dick Cheney and the W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad are hot on the trail of Arlen Specter…”

BACKSTAGE
Cheney, Rove, Perino, Card, and Fleischer prowl the hallways looking for Specter.

Suave: “We’ll catch up with them a little later. One guy who’s easy to find is headed to the ring right now. The seven foot Weapon of Mass Destruction- Big Monster Wahlie!”

MATCH #2

‘The 7 Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ BIG MONSTER WAHLIE w/Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (Domination Inc.)
vs. SNOTT FLEMMSTEIN w/Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
Suave: “It may just be me, but I just don’t see an upset taking place here.” Movie Classic takes a good look at Big Monster Wahlie. Movie Classic: “Man, I’d hate to take a bite outta you. You’re a cookie full of arsenic!” Big Monster growls and Movie Classic wisely evacuates the ring. Suave: “And there’s the bell. Flemmstein’s going for the stream of snot offense from his nose. Yeah…doesn’t work. Oooh. Big body slam by Big Monster. OW! He stomps away at Flemmstein who tries to reach the ropes…but Big Monster drags him right back to the middle. He pulls Flemmstein to his feet, spins him around and lifts him up…ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER! HOLY CRAP! ONE…TWO…THREE.”

WINNER: ‘The 7 Foot Weapon of Mass Destruction’ BIG MONSTER WAHLIE

Suave: “Once again, that was quick. OH. HERE WE GO AGAIN…BIG MONSTER HAS FLEMMSTEIN UP AGAIN… OHHHHHHH ANOTHER ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER! The referee tries to wave Big Monster off. Suave: “ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER TO THE REFEREE! HOLY CRAP! ANOTHER ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER TO FLEMMSTEIN!” ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann enters the ring. McMann: “Come on PCW. Is this the best you’ve got? Where’s O’Beck Bahama hiding this week? Where’s the great PCW Champion at? Domination Inc. is back on track. Now that I’ve disposed of the mole and all the dead weight slowing us down, Domination Inc. is poised to become THE force in Political Championship Wrestling.” Suave: “Mr. McMann feeling pretty good after Big Monster Wahlie disposes of Snott Flemmstein.”

———————

BACKSTAGE
Cheney, Rove, Card, Perino, and Fleischer continue to scour the dressing rooms looking for Arlen Specter.

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UPCOMING SHOWS:
PCW would like to highlight shows from other great e-federations who are out there. Check them out:

King of Xtreme
May 3, 2009 all day – XWW arena Elimira N.Y.

WTF Xtreme
May 3, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – Energy Solutions Arena

CCW Lockdown – May 4, 2009
May 4, 2009 from 9pm to 10pm – Verizon Center

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UPCOMING EVENTS:

5/1- PCW Newsline
5/3- PCW on P-SPAN
5/6- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/8- PCW Newsline
5/10- PCW on P-SPAN
5/13- PCW Extreme Political TV

5/17- PCW on P-SPAN

5/20- PCW Extreme Political TV

5/22- PCW Newsline

NEXT MONTH:

6/7- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed IV

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MAIN EVENT- #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE

KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls-James Carville and Paul Begala (Progressive Alliance)

vs. HALLIE BURTON w/’The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)

vs. MERCEDES w/Porsche Lexus and Rough Justice- D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (Domination Inc.)
Suave: “Well, our main event is a three-way dance to become the new #1 contender for the PCW Women’s title.” The bell rings. Suave: “There’s the bell and…WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONS ‘EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ TESSA MARTIN! *WHAP* HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OUT HALLIE BURTON WITH HER OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX! *WHAP* DOWN GOES KARL ROVE! TESSA THROWS BURTON INTO THE RING…PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! THE WOMEN’S CHAMPION SLIDES OUT OF THE RING AND IT’S GOING TO BE…KRC. SHE COVERS. ONE…TWO…THREE!”

HALLIE BURTON ELIMINATED

Suave: “WAIT! THE ‘EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ ISN’T DONE YET. SHE’S BACK IN THE RING AND PULLS BURTON TO THE OUTSIDE APRON. SHE MOTIONS THE RING GUY TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. OH…NO…SHE’S NOT GOING TO…YES SHE IS…” Tessa Pizza Cutters Hallie Burton right through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Tessa turns towards Rove who wisely vacates the ring area. Suave: “Tessa Martin is furious and she’s not going to stop until she gets her hands on Dick Cheney. HOLD ON! THAT’S KALEE JONES-THE ESKIMO QUEEN AND THE ALASKAN PITBULL SARAH PALIN! WHAT ARE THEY DOING OUT HERE?” Kalee hits the ring and Eskimo Piefaces KRC. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! The Eskimo Queen caught KRC totally by surprise. AGAIN! THIS TIME IT’S MERCEDES! PORSCHE LEXUS RUNS IN…ESKIMO PIEFACE! ROUGH JUSTICE! *THWACK* PALIN JUST DECAPITATED D.B. RUFF WITH HOCKEY STICK! HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! CARVILLE AND BEGALA IN THE RING. OWWWWWWW! PALIN JUST CRACKED HER HOCKEY STICK ON CARVILLE’S HEAD. IT’S TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL NOW! DICK CHENEY HUNTING DOWN ARLEN SPECTER! KALEE JONES PISSED BECAUSE SHE WASN’T INCLUDED IN THE #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH. LOTS OF ISSUES OUTSTANDING. WE’LL SEE YOU SUNDAY NIGHT ON PCW ON P-SPAN!”

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4/26-PCW on P-SPAN: Coleman vs. Franken in Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch, Garofalo vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ in Cage Match

Posted on April 26, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling

Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete) vs. Grizzly Adam and NRA (SarahPAC)/Non-title Grudge Match inside a steel cage: Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs. PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots) vs. PCW TV Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance) for PCW TV title/Norm Coleman (American Patriots) vs. Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) in a Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch.

4/26 PCW on P-SPAN results from Minneapolis, MN

Match #1: Grizzly Adam and NRA with ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC) defeats ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete with PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (Green World Order). PeaceNick attempted to chloroform NRA which brought Sarah Palin into the match. Palin broke her hockey stick over PeaceNick’s head. NRA put Brock Cole Lee in the Gun Rack to score the win.

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PCW Newsline: Gina Ramsey reviews the week’s transactions:

Incoming:
Movie Classic signed on with PCW and will manage the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.

Also coming in:
-Dr. Mysterio
-Mr. Jaundice
-Captain Nausea

All three will join Movie Classic in the Island of Misfit Wrestlers

Outgoing:
Halitosis- ‘The Luchador with the Insanely Foul Breath’ will be taking a leave to go overseas for a few months.

Also leaving PCW for awhile:
-Union Jac
-DLC
-The American Bikers: Little Paulie and Big Paulie

Moving:
NRA jumps from Politically Incorrect to join SarahPAC.

Also moving within PCW:
-Politically Incorrect (‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria, Al Cahall, and Nic Koteen) has joined up with the American Heartland Coalition

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Match #2: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido with ‘Rahm-bo’ Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) retains the PCW Television Title over Newt Tron Bomb with S.M. Art Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, and A. Tom Bomb. Escondido broke out some new moves in this match including his new finisher- the Cattle Mutilation, that finished N-Bomb off at the fourteen minute mark.

Post match: Former Domination Inc. member Daisy Cutter-Bomb again comes out and seeks the Bomb’s forgiveness after saving H-Bomb from a Redneck 4-D deathblast…

Replay: 4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV- HY DROGEN BOMB and INCENDIARY BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb (American Patriots) vs.’The Raving Rednecks’ LOCKE AND LOADE (SarahPAC)
Suave: “Meanwhile…LOADE’S GOT A SUNSET FLIP! One…Two…NO! Just barely kicked out. LOCKE’S IN THE RING! YESSSSS! REDNECK 4-D DEATH BOMB! COVER. ONE…TWO…IT’S DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! SHE’S IN THE RING AND…HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST KICKED THE CRAP OUT OF LOADE! HOLD ON! I-BOMB HAS LOCKE ON THE TOP ROPE…YES! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! COVER. ONE. TWO. THREE!

Again, the Bombs are hesitant to let her back in.

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UPCOMING SHOWS

PCW would like to highlight the other e-federations who are out there. Please feel free to check them out:

WTF Intensity
April 26, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – WTF Headquarters
King of Xtreme
May 3, 2009 all day – XWW arena
WTF Xtreme
May 3, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – Energy Solutions Arena

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The Titan Zone A social network about e-wrestling. Meet and get to know the Titans of the e-wrestling world!

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Match #3 Steel Cage Grudge Match:
Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs.
PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
Suave: “Johnny Suave along with P-SPAN Brian Lamb in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Last week on PCW on P-SPAN, Nancy Pelosi attempted to interfere in Tessa’s match with Emily List of the Progressive Alliance and ended up getting smooshed by KRC and a steel folding chair. Last Wednesday on PCW Extreme Political TV, the feud went to another level.”

Replay 4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV: Nancy Pelosi and Janeane Garofalo
…Pelosi: “Last week, that trailer trash redneck Andrea Doria and Politically Incorrect interfered with Emily List and Code Pink as they were trying to win the PCW Women’s Title. As a result, the extremists from the American Heartland Coalition won.” Garofalo: “Let’s be very honest about what this is about. It’s not about bashing the Progressive Alliance. The American Heartland Coalition doesn’t support PCW CEO Barack Obama because they’re straight up racists. They’re nothing more but a bunch of teabagging rednecks just like former CEO George W was.” Suave: “WOW! Where did THAT come from? She has a right to her opinion but come on, that was hate filled bile.” PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin comes out. Suave: “I wonder what the PCW Champion is going say about this.” Tessa looks at Garofolo and Pelosi distainfully. She mouths ‘you’re not worth it’ and leaves…

Suave: Later in the show, the situation escalated after W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad attacked Garofalo backstage…

Daily Kos: “American Heartland Coalition. Get your asses out here right now! W’s flunkies! You, too.” Suave: “Whoa. He’s calling out both the A.H.C. and W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad.” PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin leads out the American Heartland Coalition. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove comes out with Andrew Card, Dana Perino, and Ari Fleischer. Daily Kos: “All right. You, Tessa Martin, are in co-hoots with Rove and his band of extremists.” Tessa: “You know, I’ve just about had enough of you and your whacked out friends. You’ve come out here the last two weeks and accused the American Heartland Coalition of things that are flat out lies. You guys make me sick. You can take your-” Suave: “THAT’S JANEANE GAROFALO! SHE JUST TACKLED TESSA MARTIN AND WE HAVE OURSELVES A CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! ALL HELL’S BROKEN LOOSE! THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS AND THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION ARE GOING AT IT!” PCW Security Director Dawn McGill comes in again to restore order.

Suave: “Garofalo already in the ring. Here comes the PCW Women’s champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and she looks intense.” Tessa climbs inside the cage. Suave: “Garofalo walks up to her and they are nose to nose.” The bell rings. Lamb: “I must comment that these two ladies don’t seem to like each other.” Suave: “I think that’s an understatement Brian. They lock up in the middle of the ring. AND GAROFALO PUSHES TESSA DOWN!” Tessa jumps right back up and gets back in Garofalo’s face. Suave: “Tessa’s not backing down…AND SHE PUSHED GAROFALO DOWN!” Garofalo lands in her corner and bounces off the turnbuckle. Tessa gestures to her to ‘get up and come here.’ Suave: “As I said, Tessa looks incredibly intense and focused. Garofalo with a wild swing! Tessa ducks under. Kick to the mid-section. Suplex! Tessa pulls her back up. SHE SLINGS HER RIGHT INTO THE CAGE!” Garofalo bounces off the steel cage and right back to Tessa who slings her into the other side of the cage. Garofalo bounces off the steel cage and right back to Tessa. Suave: “AGAIN INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE WITH GAROFALO!” Garofalo bounces off the cage and collapses in a heap.

Dick Cheney, carrying a barbed wire covered baseball bat, ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Andrew Card, and Ari Fleischer aka W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad walk down to the ring. Suave: “What the hell are they doing here?” Tessa sees them and backs up. ‘The Mastermind’ Rove points to his temple to make sure everyone in the building knows he’s a freakin’ genius. Card produces a steel bolt cutter and snips off the lock to the cage. Cheney, Rove, etal then go inside. Suave: “THEY CUT THE LOCK OFF AND NOW THEY’RE INSIDE. WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” Garofalo looks up and sees Dick. She immediately jumps up from the canvas and lunges at Cheney. *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! GAROFALO CHARGED DICK AND HE JUST BUSTED HER WIDE OPEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE BAT!” Garofalo on the canvas bleeding profusedly from the forehead. Suave: “WHAT? DICK’S MOTIONING TO TESSA TO PIN GAROFALO?” Tessa bends down to check on her. She uses her shirt to wipe off some of the blood. Suave: “SHE’S NOT GOING ALONG WITH THIS. THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP GAROFALO. SHE’S TRYING TO REVIVE HER.”

Garofalo revives, sees Tessa, and kicks her across the ring. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE. SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO H-…TESSA’S PISSED. Kick to the mid-section. PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! COVER. ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT!”

Winner: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

Suave: “TESSA MARTIN GETS THE WIN AND…NOW WHAT? DICK CHENEY WANTS TO SHAKE TESSA’S HAND NOW? IS HE NUTS?” Dick thrusts his hand out to Tessa. Tessa looks around the crowd and gauges their response. Dick: “Shake my f***ing hand!” Tessa’s eyes widen. Then she Pizza Cutters Dick. The crowd explodes. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! TESSA JUST PIZZA CUTTER’D DICK…NOW SHE’S BEING ATTACKED BY W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD!” Card, Perino, Fleisher, and Rove beat down Tessa. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter and former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton enter the cage. Coulter grabs Garofalo and handcuffs her to the side of the cage. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER HAS HANDCUFFED JANEANE GAROFALO TO THE CAGE. AND NOW, ARI FLEISCHER AND ANDREW CARD HAVE BROUGHT IN A BARREL FULL OF WATER? AND A BOARD? Oh…no.” Burton pulls Tessa up and drapes her on the board. Perino handcuffs Tessa’s arms behind her back around the board and Fleischer and Card lower her into the water. Suave: “NO! STOP THEM! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” Lamb: “My God. Are they actually…waterboarding her?” Suave: “WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE, BRIAN?” Suave jumps on top of the announcer’s table. Suave: “DICK, THIS IS WRONG! STOP IT!” Dick sneers at Suave and has a microphone.

Dick: “Of course you would think that way, Suave. Because you’re weak. You all are weak! When you face an enemy, do you worry about piddly little minute details such as the Geneva Convention?” Coulter takes a steel chair and blasts Garofalo with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE’S KNOCKED OUT!” Dick: “F*** no! You do what you have to do to win. To project strength and to deter those who would harm you.” Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Steny Hoyer run to the ring. Dick flips them off. Suave: “THIS IS JUST WRONG!” The board is pulled out of the barrel of water and laid on the canvas. Cheney, Card, Rove, Perino, etal then exit the cage. Dick again flips off Pelosi etal as they smugly walk to the back. Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew quickly enter the ring and attend to Garofalo and Tessa.

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The E-Wrestling Magazine is the home for all the latest news on e-federations all across the country. Check out the latest stories:

Eight Random Roleplays 04.26.09 Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
SWF LIVE (Full Report) Sunday, 26 April 2009 (/)
Dreamwrestling.com Exclusive Web Show Airs! Saturday, 25 April 2009 (/)
4/25-PCW Extra: The Coleman/Franken Feud Saturday, 25 April 2009 (/)
All-Star Championship Wrestling 4/16/09 Report Friday, 24 April 2009 (/)
Dreamwrestling.com to Air Two Matches Sunday! Friday, 24 April 2009 (/)
The Big Shot 04.23.09 Thursday, 23 April 2009 (/)
BOB: Total Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION! #20 Results! Thursday, 23 April 2009 (/)
The E-Wrestling Rumor Mill #18 Thursday, 23 April 2009 (/)
4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV: Nancy Pelosi, Janeane Garofalo Confront the American Heartlanders Wednesday, 22 April 2009 (/)
Final Judgment 29th April Wednesday, 22 April 2009 (/)
Just Wrestling: The Silver Lining Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
Dream Wrestling Talent Names Leaked Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
Seven Random Roleplays 04.19.09 Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
THE HYPE Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)

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Fed Wars.org – Fed Wars is an interfed promotion currently run by Ben Halkum. There are a number of e-feds already involved in this project.

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E-Wrestling Torch- E-fed television, pay-per-view, and classic show reviews!

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UPCOMING EVENTS:
4/29- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/1- PCW Newsline
5/3- PCW on P-SPAN
5/6- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/8- PCW Newsline
5/10- PCW on P-SPAN
5/13- PCW Extreme Political TV

6/7- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed IV

———————

Match #4-Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch:
NORM COLEMAN w/ ‘Rahm-bo’ Rahm Emanuel (American Patriots)
vs. AL FRANKEN w/ Eric Cantor (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “If you want a recap on how the Franken/Coleman situation came to be, check out yesterday’s PCW Extra with Gina Ramsey for the low-down on this highly volitile feud.” Lamb: “It has been quite extradinary to say the least. We’ve never seen anything like it before and may never see anything like it again.” Suave: “Very true, Brian. Very true. Both men are in the ring and they’re already chirping back and forth at each other. A quick update on Janeane Garofalo and PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Both have been taken to the hospital but it looks like they’re going to okay. I will say this, we’ve seen some extradinary things take place here in PCW. We’ve seen chloroform, hypnosis, tasers, extreme flatulence, weaponry of all sorts, jumper cables, and a powerful drug transmitted by human touch that causes temporary paralysis in the recipient. As extreme as these finishers may seem, we’ve never seen waterboarding used here in PCW. It’ll be interesting to see how this shakes out in the next few weeks.”

The bell rings. Suave: “And there’s the bell. COLEMAN CHARGES! OH! FRANKEN WHIPS HIM INTO THE BARBED WIRE ROPES!” Coleman’s face contorts with pain. Lamb: “Johnny, that seemed almost like a desperation move on Coleman’s part.” Suave: “I agree, Brian. It seems Coleman is incredulous that he’s in this situation in the first place. He’s unestimated Franken from the beginning and now I believe desperation has set in.” Franken overpowers Coleman and pounds away on him. Rahm Emanuel pulls out a metal ladder and throws it in the middle of the ring. Franken sets up the ladder behind Coleman. Suave: “Franken going for a spear…GOT IT!” Coleman flies backfirst into the ladder! Franken gets the ladder and sets it up in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going to try to put Coleman away quickly…WAIT! IT’S TEXAS SENATOR JOHN CORNYN!” Cornyn pushes the ladder over with Franken on it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN HIT THE BARBED WIRE ROPES CHEST FIRST! RAHM EMANUEL IN THE RING. F-BOMB ON CORNYN! EMANUEL GRABS COLEMAN! F-BOMB! EMANUEL DROPS A PAIR OF F-BOMBS AND HELPS FRANKEN OFF THE ROPES!”

Eric Cantor digs under the ring and produces a barbed wire covered board. Suave: “Franken covers. One…two… *WHAP* CANTOR BREAKS THE COUNT! AND HE JUST PORCUPINED FRANKEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE COVERED BOARD…THERE’S EMANUEL AGAIN! CANTOR SWINGS AND MISSES. F-BOMB! F-BOMB!” Emanuel grabs the barbed wire board and grinds Cantor’s face into it. Cantor screams in pain! Suave: “Holy crap! Whoa. Cantor’s face is a freakin’ mess.” Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew arrive and help Cantor to the back. Lamb: “I think Coleman’s fired all his weapons now.” Suave: “And now, Franken has the barbedwire bat. Well, this can’t be good for Coleman.” Franken swings and nails the crotch of Coleman. Lamb: “Yes. I see what you mean. May I?” Suave: “Certainly.” Lamb: “Holy crap!” Suave: “That was pretty good.”

Emanuel is back underneath the ring and he pulls out a 2×4 with barbed wire wrapped around it. Emanuel lights the 2×4 on fire! Suave: “Okay, that’s definitely not good for Coleman.” Franken swings and nails Coleman with the board! Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Coleman’s on fire! EMTs rush in and put the fire out. Franken rolls Coleman over. Suave: “ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: AL FRANKEN

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! I THINK WE JUST ABOUT SAW EVERYTHING TONIGHT! WEDNESDAY NIGHT- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV. WE’LL START SORTING ALL THIS OUT AND LOOK FORWARD TOWARDS JUNE 7TH AND PCW’S LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 5!”

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4/25-PCW Newsline: Nancy Pelosi, Janeane Garafalo, Classic Movie Debuts, A Look at Tomorrow Night’s PCW on P-SPAN

Posted on April 25, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling

Hey y’all. Gina Ramsey here with this week’s Political Championship Wrestling Newsline. Here’s what’s in the news in PCW:

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap/PCW Wrestler of the Week/PCW Transactions/A Preview of Sunday Night’s PCW on P-SPAN/Upcoming Events.

Also, we’ll also have a special PCW Extra featuring the Franken/Coleman feud today.

Recap of 4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV
-Nancy Pelosi and Janeane Garofalo came out and trashed the American Heartland Coalition. PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin came out and left.

-Domination Inc’s new WMD Big Monster Wahlie easily dispatched Michael Hunt (Island of Misfit Wrestlers).

-Former Domination Inc. member Daisy Cutter-Bomb asked for forgiveness from her brothers Hy Drogen Bomb and Incendiary Bomb.

-Movie Classic makes his debut in PCW and tries to rally the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.

-Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots) def. SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Independent) when the Island of Misfit Wrestlers, led by Movie Classic, hit the ring and interfered, costing SNAFU the match.

-The Angry Left Wing Bloggers find Garofalo lying unconscious on the floor with the letter ‘W’ spraypainted on her back. They call out both the American Heartland Coalition and W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad and demand to find out who did it. Garofalo attacks ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and a cage match is set for Sunday night on PCW on P-SPAN

-Main event: H-Bomb and I-Bomb (American Patriots) def. the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade

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PCW WRESTLER OF THE WEEK: MOVIE CLASSIC
Newcomer Movie Classic made a huge impact heard in PCW Wednesday night by cutting a killer promo and leading the Island of Misfit Wrestlers to a little revenge on Dr. Bill.

Movie Classic Promo from 4/22 PCW Extreme Political TV
A guy wearing sunglasses and a tacky sports coat walks in. MAN: “Look at this dressing room. I see dead people. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Jimmy: “Who are you?” MAN: “I’m Movie Classic. Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make?” Snott: “What. Listen to children do what? What are you talking about?” DVD: “Really. Just leave us alone to our fate.” Dredd Pirate Dougie: “War’s over, man. Dr. Bill dropped the big one on us.” Movie Classic: “Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” Richard Headd: “Germans?” Dr. Rectum: “Shhhh, he’s rolling.” Movie Classic: “And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough…” A long pause follows. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers wait…and wait…and wait for him to finish the sentence. Movie Classic: “…the the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go!” Movie Classic bounds out of the locker room- no one follows him.

Then he returns. Movie Classic: “What the f*** happened to the Island of Misfit Wrestlers I used to watch? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you’re gonna let it be the worst. “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Movie Classic, we might get our asses kicked again. Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Dr. Bill, he’s a dead man! SNAFU, dead! Domination Inc… Dr. Ivan Rectum stands up. Dr. Rectum: DEAD! Movie Classic’s right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.” The other members of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers nod in agreement. Richard Headd: “And we’re just the guys to do it!” DVD: “LET’S DO IT!” Movie Classic: “LET’S DO IT!”

Replay of SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs. NEWT TRON BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb (American Patriots) match from 4/22 PCW Extreme Political TV
Suave: “N-BOMB IS IN TROUBLE! MOONSAULT PRESS ON THE WAY…NAILED IT! COVER. ONE…TWO…N-BOMB GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!” Dr. Bill slides a chair in the ring. Suave: “SNAFU sets the chair up for the Triple Jump Moonsault. WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! JIMMY FROM SO CAL JUST PUSHED SNAFU OFF TH ROPES!” Movie Classic comes up to Dr. Bill. Movie Classic: “Say hello to my little friends!” Richard Headd, Snott Flemmstein, and Dredd Pirate Douggie tackle Dr. Bill.

Suave: “IT’S THE ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS! THEY’RE PUMMELING DR. BILL!” SNAFU is up and staggers towards the ring. Suave: “S.M. ART BOMB THROWS SNAFU BACK IN THE RING. N-BOMB STICK HIS BUTT IN HIS FACE. OOOOOHHHH! ICK! SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! N-BOMB COVERS. ONE. TWO. THREE!”

WINNER: NEWT TRON BOMB

————

PCW TRANSACTIONS
Here’s the comings and goings in Political Championship Wrestling this week:
Incoming: Movie Classic signed on with PCW and will manage the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Also coming in:
-Dr. Mysterio
-Mr. Jaundice
-Captain Nausea

All three will join Movie Classic in the Island of Misfit Wrestlers

Outgoing: Halitosis- ‘The Luchador with the Insanely Foul Breath’ will be taking a leave to go overseas for a few months.
Also leaving PCW for awhile:
-Union Jac
-DLC
-The American Bikers: Little Paulie and Big Paulie

Moving: NRA jumps from Politically Incorrect to join SarahPAC.
Also moving within PCW:
-Politically Incorrect (‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria, Al Cahall, and Nic Koteen) has joined up with the American Heartland Coalition

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PREVIEWING THE CARD FOR 4/26 PCW on P-SPAN SHOW:
-The Green World Order (Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA) vs. Grizzly Adam and NRA w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)

-Non Title Cage Match: Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (c)

-PCW Title Match: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance) vs. Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)

-Hardcore Steel Cage Deathmatch: Norm Coleman (American Patriots) vs. Al Franken (Progressive Alliance)

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UPCOMING EVENTS:
4/26- PCW on P-SPAN
4/29- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/1- PCW Newsline
5/3- PCW on P-SPAN
5/6- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/8- PCW Newsline
5/10- PCW on P-SPAN
5/13- PCW Extreme Political TV

6/7- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed IV

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Political Championship Wrestling is now at Twitter:
http://twitter.com/PCWPolWrestling

And on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Political-Championship-Wrestling/70370737677?ref=mf

Befriend us. Follow us.

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4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV: Nancy Pelosi, Janeane Garofalo Confront the American Heartland Coalition, The debut of Domination Inc.’s latest weapon of mass destruction- Big Monster Wahlie

Posted on April 22, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling

Skank Mitchell celebrates Moon Day/The debut of Domination Inc.’s latest weapon of mass destruction- Big Monster Wahlie/Movie Classic Debuts/

4/22-PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV from Athens, Ohio
HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

Crowd chants ‘PCW!…PCW!’ Suave: “HELLO AND WELCOME TO P-C-W!” Suave poses and pauses. Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE! THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN. WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION OF PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV! SUNDAY NIGHT ON PCW ON P-SPAN SAW SOME BIG THINGS GO DOWN. LET’S RECAP WHAT HAPPENED.”

4/19 PCW on P-SPAN Recap
-Mercedes (Domination Inc.) def. “Trailer Park Sweetheart” Tanya Hardy with the White Trash Posse (Independent) via submission to the Mercedes Bendz.

Post match, Domination Inc. members ran out and beat down Hardy and her two White Trash Posse compadres. PCW Security Director Dawn McGill came out to reestablish order.

-Progressive Alliance personality Al Franken was attacked by Norm Coleman as he arrived outside the arena with P.A. Executive Director Tim Kaine. Coleman slams Franken’s head into the driver’s side car window and shatters the glass. Kaine whaps Coleman with his briefcase. Newly hired American Patriots Leader Eric Cantor flies in and tackles Kaine. PCW Security Director Dawn McGill arrives on scene and throws Coleman to the ground. Cantor gets in her face and receives a four inch stiletto heel to the groin from McGill.

Inside, PCW CEO Barack Obama is ready to lay down the law when PCW Owner Bubba Jackson makes an appearance. Jackson: “I could make a ruling on Coleman’s appeal to me but I think I have a better idea. Next week on PCW on P-SPAN, we will have in our main event Norm Coleman of the American Patriots versus Al Franken of the Progressive Alliance to settle their differences once and for all in a Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch!”

-Cadillac (Domination Inc.) vs. Richard Headd of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Last Name (Dr. Bill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers)- no match. Headd before the bell by Jaguar. Dr. Bill and the rest of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers run in but Dr. Bill holds SNAFU back and they leave. Domination Inc. destroyed the Island of Misfit Wrestlers before PCW Security Director Dawn McGill chased them off.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein asked Dr. Bill why he turned his back on the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Dr. Bill: “Failure is no accident. You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self. I tried to raise up the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. I did the best I could. But in the end, a defining moment is much like a burn. If you lean up against a hot stove, in less than a second the event is over. But the pain can last for weeks, months. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers have to learn from these tough moments and it will make them better.” Dr. Bill added that he wanted to refocus his energies on making SNAFU the next PCW Television Champion.

-Main Event for the PCW Women’s Title: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)def. Emily List (Progressive Alliance) and Code Pink (Progressive Alliance) via Pizza Cutter on List.

At the end, former Domination Inc. member Daisy Cutter-Bomb (also former member of the Three Amigas with Tessa Martin and Tequila Sheila ) walked to the ring and asked if she can join the American Heartland Coalition. Tessa and Tequila Sheila walked away from her in disgust.

————-

Suave: “Lot’s of stuff going on as you can tell. Let’s head to the-” Nancy Pelosi and Janeane Garofalo walk to the ring. Suave: “Okay. What the hell is Janeane Garofolo doing here? It might have something to do with this…”

REPLAY from 4/19 PCW on P-SPAN: Main Event for the PCW Women’s Title: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition) vs. Emily List (Progressive Alliance) vs. Code Pink (Progressive Alliance)
Pelosi climbs into the ring with a steel folding chair and sneaks behind Tessa. Tessa turns around and sees her. KRC rushes at the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl, Tessa sidesteps KRC’s charge and Pelosi gets crunched in the corner. This brings out both the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Media Matters, Eric Alterman, and Paul Krugman) and Domination Inc. But before either group can make it to the ring, they end up brawling outside the ring with each other. In the chaos, Tessa Pizza Cutters Emily List and grabs the pin.

Pelosi: “Last week, that trailer trash redneck Andrea Doria and Politically Incorrect interfered with Emily List and Code Pink as they were trying to win the PCW Women’s Title. As a result, the extremists from the American Heartland Coalition won.” Garofalo: “Let’s be very honest about what this is about. It’s not about bashing the Progressive Alliance. The American Heartland Coalition doesn’t support PCW CEO Barack Obama because they’re straight up racists. They’re nothing more but a bunch of teabagging rednecks just like former CEO George W was.” Suave: “WOW! Where did THAT come from? She has a right to her opinion but come on, that was hate filled bile.” PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin comes out. Suave: “I wonder what the PCW Champion is going say about this.” Tessa looks at Garofolo and Pelosi distainfully. She mouths ‘you’re not worth it’ and leaves.

The crowd cheers as Tessa walks back to the dressing room. Suave: “ALL RIGHT! THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL AGAIN DOESN’T DIGNIFY PELOSI OR GAROFALO WITH A RESPONSE…HOLD ON! WHAT IN HEAVEN’S NAME IS SKANK MITCHELL DOING IN THE RING?” Skank gets into the ring with Pelosi and Garofalo. Skank: “Everybody knows that today is Earth Day.” Pelosi and Garofalo applaud. Skank: “But what about the moon. Our celestrial neighbor that circles us? How come we don’t have a day for the moon?” Suave: “YEAH! Why not?” Pelosi and Garofalo now look confused. Skank: “So here’s what I propose. I think we oughta celebrate MOON day as well.” Suave: “Okay. I’m all for that, I guess.” Skank: “So…here we go.” Skank turns his back and pulls down his pants. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Pelosi and Garofalo become disgusted and quickly exit the ring. The crowd gives Skank a standing ovation.

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UPCOMING SHOWS:PCW would like to highlight other e-federations who are out there. Check them out:

XWW presents Saturday night Carnage
April 25, 2009 all day – XWW arena Elimira N.Y.

SWF Superstar Showcase
April 25, 2009 from 7pm to 10pm – SWF Arena in Orlando, FL

WTF Intensity
April 26, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – WTF Headquarters

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The Titan Zone

A social network about e-wrestling. Meet and get to know the Titans of the e-wrestling world!

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MATCH #1
BIG MONSTER WAHLIE…aka BMW w/Cadillac, Jaguar, and Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (Domination Inc.) vs.
MICHAEL HUNT of ‘Guys with Unfortunate Last Names Given Their First Name (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
Suave: “Okay. It’s the in-ring debut of Domination Inc’s newest Weapon of Mass Destruction- the seven foot monster Big Monster Wahlie. Poor Michael Hunt.” Bell rings. Hunt tries to stay away from Big Monster. Suave: “Hunt, trying to steer clear of the big guys paws…and no. Big body slam by Big Monster. OW! He stomps away at Hunt who tries to crawl to the ropes…but Big Monster drags him right back to the middle. He pulls Hunt to his feet, spins him around and lifts him up…ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER! HOLY CRAP! ONE…TWO…THREE.”

WINNER: BIG MONSTER WAHLIE

“That was quick. OH NO…WAIT A MINUTE! BIG MONSTER HAS HIM UP AGAIN… OHHHHHHH ANOTHER ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER! AND I THINK HUNT’S KNOCKED OUT!” The referee tries to wave Big Monster off. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! ELECTRIC CHAIR FACEBUSTER TO THE REFEREE! BIG MONSTER’S GONE NUTS AND WHY HAVEN’T CADILLAC OR JAGUAR OR ROUGH JUSTICE DONE ANYTHING TO STOP THIS?”

Suave:

———–

BACKSTAGE

Hy Drogen Bomb and Incendiary Bomb confer with their manager, S.M. Art Bomb. A somber looking and nervous Daisy Cutter-Bomb walks in. H-Bomb sees her. H-Bomb: “What the hell do you want?” Daisy: “Look, I…I was kinda hoping that you and A-Bomb and I-Bomb and N-Bomb would forgive me for what I did. I’m…sorry…very, very sorry.” H-Bomb: “Do you think that you can just walk in here, say you’re sorry for turning on your own family and stabbing us in the back by working for Mr. McMann, and think everything’s going to just be hunky dorey?” Daisy: “No…” Tears appear in her eyes. Daisy: “I’m sorry, H-Bomb. What I did was wrong and I know that now.” H-Bomb: “Daisy, I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got a match in a little while.

Suave: “Last week, Daisy Cutter-Bomb’s former 3 Amigas partners Tequila Sheila and Tessa Martin spurned her, just walked away from her when she asked to join the American Heartland Coalition. But when we’re talking about family…well? That may be a whole different story. More to come on this I’m sure.”

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ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS LOCKER ROOM
A very woozy Michael Hunt sits on a bench with a bag of eye on his face. The rest of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Jimmy from So Cal- Jim Rome clone wannabee, Snott Flemmstein, Richard Headd of ‘Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surname,’ Dredd Pirate Douggie, Dick Van Dam, and Dr. Ivan Rectum- Fighting Proctologist) stand dejectedly in the locker room.

A guy wearing sunglasses and a tacky sports coat walks in. MAN: “Look at this dressing room. I see dead people. Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Jimmy: “Who are you?” MAN: “I’m Movie Classic. Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make?” Snott: “What. Listen to children do what? What are you talking about?” DVD: “Really. Just leave us alone to our fate.” Dredd Pirate Dougie: “War’s over, man. Dr. Bill dropped the big one on us.” Movie Classic: “Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” Richard Headd: “Germans?” Dr. Rectum: “Shhhh, he’s rolling.” Movie Classic: “And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough…” A long pause follows. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers wait…and wait…and wait for him to finish the sentence. Movie Classic: “…the the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go!” Movie Classic bounds out of the locker room- no one follows him.

Then he returns. Movie Classic: “What the f*** happened to the Island of Misfit Wrestlers I used to watch? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you’re gonna let it be the worst. “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Movie Classic, we might get our asses kicked again. Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Dr. Bill, he’s a dead man! SNAFU, dead! Domination Inc… Dr. Ivan Rectum stands up. Dr. Rectum: DEAD! Movie Classic’s right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.” The other members of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers nod in agreement. Richard Headd: “And we’re just the guys to do it!” DVD: “LET’S DO IT!” Movie Classic: “LET’S DO IT!”

————

Suave: “O-kay. And speaking of Dr. Bill. This is what he had to say Sunday night about abandoning the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.

REPLAY from 4/19 PCW on P-SPAN: Dr. Bill’s Explanation to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein concerning the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.
“Failure is no accident. You cannot be who and what you are unless you have a lifestyle, both internally and externally, that is designed to support that definition of self. I tried to raise up the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. I did the best I could. But in the end, a defining moment is much like a burn. If you lean up against a hot stove, in less than a second the event is over. But the pain can last for weeks, months. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers have to learn from these tough moments and it will make them better.”

MATCH #2
SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs.
NEWT TRON BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb (American Patriots)
Suave: “SNAFU trying to get himself in line for a shot at the PCW Television Title. N-Bomb looking for a rematch for the title after giving Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido everything he could handle and more. There’s the bell. They lockup. N-Bomb gets driven down with a shove off the ropes. Forearm by SNAFU. N-Bomb avoids SNAFU and counters with a drop toe hold. SNAFU charges the corner and nails N-Bomb with a missile kick. SNAFU throws N-Bomb down hard. N-Bomb gets the boot up on a second charge and spins SNAFU back. N-Bomb tries to move around for a headscissors. YOW! Back kick to the groin by SNAFU.” N-Bomb is bent over. SNAFU climbs up the turnbuckle. Suave: “There he goes…YES! GUILLOTINE LEG DROP FROM THE TOP ROPE!” A PCW chant breaks out.

Suave: “SNAFU looking very good so far. It looks like the hours of studying Sabu’s ECW matches is starting to pay off. N-Bomb locked in a cobra clutch now and tries to escape. Short arm clothesline now by SNAFU. N-Bomb reverses and locks in a chinlock. HOLY CRAP! ANOTHER GROIN SHOT BY SNAFU. SPINNING NECKBREAKER! SNAFU chucks N-Bomb in the corner. DOUBLE KNEE SMASH! N-BOMB IS IN TROUBLE! MOONSAULT PRESS ON THE WAY…NAILED IT! COVER. ONE…TWO…N-BOMB GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!” Dr. Bill slides a chair in the ring. Suave: “SNAFU sets the chair up for the Triple Jump Moonsault. WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! JIMMY FROM SO CAL JUST PUSHED SNAFU OFF TH ROPES!” Movie Classic comes up to Dr. Bill. Movie Classic: “Say hello to my little friends!” Richard Headd, Snott Flemmstein, and Dredd Pirate Douggie tackle Dr. Bill.

Suave: “IT’S THE ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS! THEY’RE PUMMELING DR. BILL!” SNAFU is up and staggers towards the ring. Suave: “S.M. ART BOMB THROWS SNAFU BACK IN THE RING. N-BOMB STICK HIS BUTT IN HIS FACE. OOOOOHHHH! ICK! SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! N-BOMB COVERS. ONE. TWO. THREE!”

WINNER: NEWT TRON BOMB

BACKSTAGE
Janeane Garofalo lies face down on the floor with the letter ‘W’ spray painted on her back. Paul Krugman, Daily Kos, and Eric Alterman attend to her.

——————

The E-Wrestling Magazine is the home for all the latest news on e-federations all across the country. Check out the latest stories:

Just Wrestling: The Silver Lining Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
Dream Wrestling Talent Names Leaked Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
Seven Random Roleplays 04.19.09 Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
THE HYPE Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
SWF Superstar Showcase Preview Monday, 20 April 2009 (/)
4/19-PCW on P-SPAN: Al Franken and Norm Coleman Next Sunday in a Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch Sunday, 19 April 2009 (/)
SWF Superstar Showcase Saturday, 18 April 2009 (/)
4/17-Political Championship Wrestling Newsline Friday, 17 April 2009 (/)
Fans Wrestling Organization reAction Report Friday, 17 April 2009 (/)
William aka Zortalk 04.16.09

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Fed Wars.org - Fed Wars is an interfed promotion currently run by Ben Halkum. There are a number of e-feds already involved in this project. There’s going to be a Unified Championship tournament that looks HUGE and a Platinum Prestige Championship match Shawn FX is probably going to win.

—————–

REPLAY from 4/19-PCW on P-SPAN: Franken/Coleman Brawl
Progressive Alliance personality Al Franken arrives outside the arena with P.A. Executive Director Tim Kaine. Franken smiles until he’s attacked from the air by Norm Coleman leaping from the roof of a car. Coleman slams Franken’s head into the driver’s side car window and shatters the glass…

…PCW Owner Bubba Jackson makes a surprise appearance. Jackson takes the microphone and states he’s tired of Coleman and Franken dragging this on and on and on. Jackson: “I could make a ruling on Coleman’s appeal to me but I think I have a better idea. Next week on PCW on P-SPAN, we will have in our main event Norm Coleman of the American Patriots versus Al Franken of the Progressive Alliance to settle their differences once and for all in a Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch!”

Suave: Sunday night on PCW on P-SPAN from Minneapolis. Al Franken and Norm Coleman once and for all in a Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch. You just get the feeling that Coleman just doesn’t take Franken seriously. Yet, he keeps losing to him. Hang on…the Angry Left Wing Bloggers are in the ring.” Daily Kos: “American Heartland Coalition. Get your asses out here right now! W’s flunkies! You, too.” Suave: “Whoa. He’s calling out both the A.H.C. and W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad.” PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin leads out the American Heartland Coalition. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove comes out with Andrew Card, Dana Perino, and Ari Fleischer. Daily Kos: “All right. You, Tessa Martin, are in co-hoots with Rove and his band of extremists.” Tessa: “You know, I’ve just about had enough of you and your whacked out friends. You’ve come out here the last two weeks and accused the American Heartland Coalition of things that are flat out lies. You guys make me sick. You can take your-” Suave: “THAT’S JANEANE GAROFALO! SHE JUST TACKLED TESSA MARTIN AND WE HAVE OURSELVES A CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! ALL HELL’S BROKEN LOOSE! THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS AND THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION ARE GOING AT IT!” PCW Security Director Dawn McGill comes in again to restore order.

——————-

UPCOMING EVENTS:
4/24- PCW Newsline
4/26- PCW on P-SPAN
4/29- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/1- PCW Newsline
5/3- PCW on P-SPAN
5/6- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/8- PCW Newsline
5/10- PCW on P-SPAN
5/13- PCW Extreme Political TV

6/7- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed IV

—————-

MATCH #3- MAIN EVENT
HY DROGEN BOMB and INCENDIARY BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb (American Patriots) vs.
‘The Raving Rednecks’ LOCKE AND LOADE (SarahPAC)
Suave: “Hold on to your hats, this one’s going to be a Pier 6 brawl. H-Bomb and Gary Locke to start. H-Bomb grabs the upper hand. Locke avoids a charge in the corner. I-Bomb grabs him… and throws him outside the ring….hold on…this just in. Sunday night, PCW Women’s champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition) will meet Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) in a Steel Cage Deathmatch Sunday night on PCW on P-SPAN.”

Locke rams H-Bomb’s head into the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “They’re still just slugging it out. H-Bomb crotches Locke on the handrail and slides him down it! HOLD ON! WE’VE GOT TO GO TO THE BACK…”

BACKSTAGE
In the back, Dick Cheney hovers over the prone bodies of the four Angry Left Wing Bloggers with a barbed wire covered baseball bat. Fleischer, Perino, and Card stand behind him. Dick: “Sometimes, harsh techniques produces results. Sometimes, you have to take it to the extreme.”

Suave: “Meanwhile…LOADE’S GOT A SUNSET FLIP! One…Two…NO! Just barely kicked out. LOCKE’S IN THE RING! YESSSSS! REDNECK 4-D DEATH BOMB! COVER. ONE…TWO…IT’S DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! SHE’S IN THE RING AND…HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST KICKED THE CRAP OUT OF LOADE! HOLD ON! I-BOMB HAS LOCKE ON THE TOP ROPE…YES! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! COVER. ONE. TWO. THREE!

WINNER: H-BOMB and I-BOMB

Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST SAVED THE DAY FOR I-BOMB AND H-BOMB! WE’LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH IF HER FAMILY IS WILLING TO TAKE HER BACK IN. WE’LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.”

—————-

Other political stories about:
Nancy Pelosi: Loud and Clear, Eat It or Wear It, The Conservative Republic, CNN, DPGI, Hot Air, NY Times, Howie Rich, Politico

Janeane Garofalo: Village Voice, Cinie’s World, CSM, Let Freedom Rain, Guffy Conservative, Aiken Area Progressive, The Right Side, Associated Content, Mary Kay Cary, Start Thinking Right,

Franken and Coleman: Politico, NY Times, Huff Post, Twin Cities.com, Huff Post, Minnesota Independent

Filed under: Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, democrats, Independents, joe six pack, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, political satire, political wrestling, Politics, Pro Wrestling, red state, republicans, Small Town America, Third Party, wordpress political blogs | Tagged: Al Franken, Animal House, ECW, Extreme Championship Wrestling, Janeane Garofalo, John Belushi, Nancy Pelosi, Norm Coleman, TNA, World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE | 6 Comments »

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