Huntsman (R-UT) to Drop Out: PCW Update

CNN Political Ticker- Huntsman to Drop Out Monday
NY Times Caucus- Huntsman Says He’s Quitting GOP Race
Instapundit- Jon Huntsman Says He’s Out of Race
Mediaite- Huntsman to Drop Out of GOP Race Tomorrow

This leaves five main contenders left in the race to be the Republican to challenge current PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL):

Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Ron Paul (R-TX)
Rick Perry (R-TX)

Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter may be the final hurdle for front runner Mitt Romney.

And it may be the reconfirmation of Romney’s representative, former PCW Champion ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R), as the Republican’s number one wrestler headed into the fall.  Can Scott hold off Texas Jack (Rick Perry), Jim Schmidt (Ron Paul), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (Rick Santorum), and K-Roy (Newt Gingrich) and separate himself from the rest of the Republican wrestlers?

And just who will Scott face for the title?  Will it be the current PCW Champion Daniel-San (I)?  Will it be the Democrats current #1 wrestler, and former PCW Champion, O’Beck Bahama (D)?

With Huntsman now out of the race, will we be able to continue without…the Huntsman girls?

We’ll see what the fall out will be from Huntsman’s departure tomorrow night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Romney Rolls: PCW Manchester Madness Report

PCW Manchester Madness Report
The Verizon
Manchester, NH
Tuesday January 10th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

An overflow crowd booed PCW Security as they searched high and low for any sign of PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas.

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

Suave recaps PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) attempt to lay down the law to Valora last Thursday night on PCW Politics is War.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC.

And then the end of the show after the Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) match…

Post match, PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy. The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

Suave also discussed the tournament to determine the #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title.  Tonight, it’s New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) vs. former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (D) for the #1 Contender’s slot.  The winner gets a shot at TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).

BACKSTAGE
PCW Security Forces continue to scour the arena for Valora.

MATCH #1
PBR (I) vs. Ken Worth-The American Trucker (I)

Worth, a former PCW Television Champion, nearly had the match won when he hit the Jake Brake on PBR.   But PBR turned it around and got his first win in PCW with the Blue Ribbon Bash- PBR grabs a beer can and bashes Worth in the face with it, to get the pin.

PBR chugs a can of Pabst’s Blue Ribbon down after the match with Worth.  The American Trucker surprises everyone by announcing he’s becoming PBR’s manager and changing his name to Chief.

Colorado Hottie Alert
Teenager Sydney Spies and her mother Miki show up in the ring to complain that her racy senior picture was rejected by Spies’s school’s yearbook committee.

http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/video/2012/01/10/colorado-high-school-bans-student-sexy-yearbook-photo

Spies: “I want to be a model. I’m a dancer, and I feel like administration isn’t allowing me to show that.” 

She then takes off her overcoat.

Miki Spies, mother of Durango High School senior Sydney Spies, provided this photo of Sydney Spies taken by Thru the Lens Photography. The photo was rejected by student editors of the Durango High School yearbook for use as Sydney Spies’ senior portrait.

Miki Spies: “When your child is spreading her wings, you just want to come alongside and support them. That’s what I’m doing as a mother.”

Johnny Suave: “Those pictures may not be appropriate for a school yearbook; but Sydney could have a promising career in pro wrestling!  She is 18 right?”

Sydney: “But I want to be a model…a dancer.”

Suave: “As I said, you could make it in pro wrestling.  You could be the next Daisy Cutter-Bomb!”


Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)

BACKSTAGE
Several members of the PCW Security Force lay unconscious in the hallway. Suave immediately suspects Valora Salinas is responsible.  So does Democrats Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).  They take off to discuss the situation with PCW CEO Barack Obama.

Tanaka Enters the Building
Former 3 Time PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)…

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

…enters the building.  Suave notes that he has been offered a substanial amount of money by Super PAC’s representing both the Republicans and the Democrats.

Suave: “Who will he choose?  We may find out tonight.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Next, an exclusive sneak peek of the upcoming novel- Jesusland vs. Progressiveville follows:

Stacey started for the door.  “Whatever. If we’re done here, Kate and I really have to be at the Kennedy Center in just two hours-”

KILMER VALKILMER:
(sings to the tune of “One More Day” from the musical Les Miserables):
“In just two hours
A hundred twenty-minutes away.”

Stacey thumbed through a manuscript of Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- “All right, just when the hell did this turn into a musical?”

KILMER VALKILMER:
(sings)
“On the Rock Creek and Potomac Parkway
The forces of the left and right
Will gather on the road tonight
In just two hours.”

Darius took Stacey by the hand and turned her away from the door- just off to the left of Valkilmer.

DARIUS
(sings):
“I wish you’d come with us tonight
I wish you’d be with me forever.”

KILMER VALKILMER:
“In just two hours “

DARIUS:
“Though you don’t strip or model lingerie
I hope with me you will endeavor.”

Kate walked over to the right of Valkilmer.

KATE:
“In two hours, he’ll be away.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“If we make it through the night.”

KATE:
“In two hours, I’ll be with her.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“We should sit and talk awhile.”

KATE:
“But I don’t know what I can say.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“And plan the future, you and me.”

KATE:
“That’ll change her love to me.”

Enriques stepped out and thrust his fist into the air.

ENRIQUES
(sings):
“Two more hours until the march!”

DARIUS:
“Should I go with her instead?”

ENRIQUES:
“We’ll stop the extremists on the roadway!”

DARIUS:
“Should I watch her at the show?”

ENRIQUES:
“As the people come and join.”

DARIUS:
“Should I stay or should I go?”

ENRIQUES:
“Our demonstration to be free”

ALL:
“It’s time, to go
Two hours, the show!”

VALKILMER:
“Two more hours!”

JAVIER- AN OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WASHINGTON D.C. PARK SERVICE:
“If you trespass on the park grounds
You’ll be arrested on the spot
You’ll be hauled down to the station
And you will wet yourselves a lot.”

VALKILMER:
“Two more hours!”

MR. AND MRS. THENARD- OWNERS OF A LOCAL MOTEL 6:
(sings)
“Why were we brought here?
We really do not know
We were walking to the Kennedy
To see the show…
We run a Motel 6
Across the river so
Can we wrap this up
So we can go.”

More people stream into Stacy’s house and line up behind the others.

ALL:
“Two more hours til things start changing!”

STACEY:
“Who let these others in the house?”

ALL:
“Two more hours to make a stand.”

STACEY:
“They weren’t here a minute ago.”

ALL:
“We will stop them at the Kennedy.”

STACEY:
“I hope my landlord doesn’t show.”

ALL:
We will make them understand.”

DARIUS (to ENRIQUES):
“I pledge- to you
I’ll be back- real soon.”

VALKILMER:
“TWO MORE HOURS!”

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: When this is over, we will leave.
KATE: Two more hours, she’ll be with me.
JAVIER: I will watch the ground this evening- I will watch for things amiss.

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: Take a trip, far, far away.
JAVIER: If they trepass on park property- I will be extremely pissed.

VALKILMER:
“TWO MORE HOURS!”

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: We’ll be a hundred miles from here
KATE: But she doesn’t love me like him
JAVIER: If you trespass on the park grounds- you’ll be arrested on the spot
THENARDS: Why were we brought here?-we really do not know

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: At a cottage we will stay
JAVIER: You’ll be hauled down to the station
THENARDS: We were walking to the Kennedy

VALKILMER:
“Two hours is the chosen time- where we will put it on the line.”

ALL:
“In just two hours from now we’ll find out just where our story’s going to go.
At sunset
In two hours
TWO…MORE…HOURSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

As the chorus wound down with a glorious crescendo, Kilmer Valkilmer’s face turned blue holding the very last note and dropped to the floor. 

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is coming soon to an online bookstore near you.

 
BACKSTAGE
PBR and Chief chug a can of Pabst’s Blue Ribbon.  Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)…

Big Oil
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas TexKirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit
HT: 6-2  WT: 220
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge

…walk by.  Big Oil bumped into Chief and caused him to lose his beer.  Big Oil laughs and heads to the ring.

In the ring, Big Oil again crows about the slowly rising gas prices.  With Walstreit nodding with approval, Big Oil says the American people are nothing more than sheep who can’t live without their car. 

Big Oil: “The more you pathetic people drive because you’re too lazy to walk a block to the store; the richer you make me.”

The crowd boos and lobs debris into the ring until they see PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas hit the ring.  She oulls out a taser and Big Oil doesn’t see her until it’s too late.  He gets zapped by the taser and falls like a tree to the mat.

Walstreit, realizing that he was in immiment danger, tried to get out but PBR and Chief ran in and blocked his exit.  PBR blasted him in the face with a beer can and then Chief threw him to Valora.  She in turn tasered him and left him in a puddle in the ring.

PBR tossed Valora a beer and the three shared a drink before PCW Security ran down and chased the Women’s champion off.

YOUR GRATIUTIOUS TIM TEBOW MOMENT OF THE WEEK

BACKSTAGE
PCW Champion Daniel-San and Mrs. Miyagi shared a quick word with…


Jamie Chung & Juliette Lewis

…in the background, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) keep a close eye on Daniel-San.

New Hampshire Primary Match
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX
Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman and the Huntsman Girls (R-UT)

Richardson and Texas Jack go after Kevin Scott from the get go.  Things get even more wild when Schmidt drags Richardson from the ring and beats the holy hell out of him.Walker has a good outing and ends up finishing third.

Scott shakes off the early double team and takes over the match.  He gets the pin on Jim Schmidt and takes the NH Primary match for Mitt Romney.

Romney and Scott stand together in the ring and celebrate their win.  Then Yamamoto Tanaka walks to the ring.  Suave wonders what side he’s chosen.  Tanaka makes it clear seconds later when he choke slams Scott to the canvas. 

Then Occupy Wall Street…

-Nate, HOME: Minneapolis, MN
-Shane, HOME: Newark, NJ
-Adam, HOME: New York City, NY

 …hit the ring and attack Romney.  The OWS drive Romney to the ground and start kicking  him.  This brings Chris Christie (R-NJ) and his Jersey Boys: Frankie and Vinnie to the ring and a full scale brawl breaks out to end the show.
 
 
 

Herman Cain Discussion on Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub, Attack of the Huntsman Girls: PCW Politics is War- Hour 1

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
Convocation Center
DeKalb, Illinois
Thursday November 3rd, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

PCW’s tour of the American Heartland continues.


Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub with Bill Clinton!

Clinton lounges in the hot tub with a couple of babes to discuss the ongoing Herman Cain (R-GA) situation concerning allegations of sexual harassment.  Clinton starts off with explaining that he’d love to talk about the Cain controversy but-

Suave: *koff, koff* Paula Jones *koff, koff*

Clinton glares at Suave and continues.  He wants to talk about the sexual harassment allegations but-

Suave: *koff, koff* Gennifer Flowers *koff, koff*

Clinton begins to wag his finger.

Suave: *koff, koff* Kathryn Willey *koff, koff*

Clinton: “All right, already!”

Clinton bites his bottom lip and looks right at the camera.  He says he’d love to discuss it- but he can’t.  So he’s just going to relax in the hot tub.

MATCH #1
Axel Rodd (D) vs. Jamie Walker (R)

The Democrat‘s new wrestler faces off against Jon Huntsman‘s (R-UT) favorite wrestler.

…Rodd works the leg of Walker.  Walker tries to fight out but Rodd flips him over into a Boston Crab-type move.  He lets him go and then scoops Walker up.  Fireman’s carry…SPIN!  SPIN!  Rodd drops Walker and makes the cover.  1…2…3.

WINNER: Axel Rodd (D) @ 5:48

Post match, Rodd gets on the mic and wants to know is that all the Republican’s got?  Rodd begins to lite into the R’s when he’s attacked by the Huntsman girls- Mary Anne, Abby, and Liddy.

Jon Huntsman’s daughters get a measure of revenge on Rodd by depantsing him and causing him great embarrassment.

Suave: “That’s pretty sad when Jon Huntsman’s daughters are more effective than he is.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave recaps what went down on PCW Extreme Political TV Monday night between Republican the Rev. Randy Richardson (formerly Triple R [D]) and the God Squad and PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).

From Monday night’s show:
Courtney and Chloe whip open their tops and gives Richardson a Wardrobe Malfunction.  Sneaking into the ring, former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (D) makes his return and puts Richardson in the Bahama Backbreaker. Chism gets the pin at 11:51 to retain the men’s title

Rev. Richardson and the God Squad condemn the actions of the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe in hitting him with the ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’ and ripping off their tops.  But Richardson saves his harshest words for former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (D).   Richardson calls him weak.

Rev. Richardson: “You were a weak champion and you’re still weak.”

He points to the back and out walks Rev. Oral Hinnrich, Pastor Buddy Flambe, and Sister Mary Marlboro dragging the SRB’s Kim to the ring.  Kim, making lots of news with the announcement of her impending divorce after just 72 days of being married, is thrown to the mat in front of Richardson.  Richardson holds up a Bible and shouts ‘Behold the good book!’ and whaps Kim in the head with it.  He then puts Kim into his own version of the ‘Bahama Backbreaker’ and calls for Bahama to come out and give him a match.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Bahama is out and brawling with Richardson.  PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and the other two Skanky Rich Bimbos: Courtney and Chloe attend to Kim.

A referee slides into the ring.

MATCH #2
The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) w/The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Pastor Buddy Flambe with Sister Mary Marlboro vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

…Richardson tombstones Bahama for two.  Rev. Hinnrich applies a full nelson on Kim and Sister Mary Marlboro slaps her until Courtney comes in with a cookie sheet and takes her out.  Pastor Flambe retaliates by headbutting Courtney.  Belly-to-belly suplex by Rev. Hinnrich on Courtney brings out the EMTs.  The match stops so they can scrape Courtney off the mat…

…everyone brawls in the crowd.  Rev. Hinnrich comes off the top rope and clears the barricade and three rows of chairs to take down Stone Chism.   Back inside the ring, Rev. Richardson goes insane and mauls Bahama with a chair.  He targets the knee.  Kim jumps on Richardson’s back and stops him from getting the submission by choking him.  Suddenly, Chism gets back into the ring and drills Richardson with a camera.  Bahama DDTs Richardson and then slaps on the Bahama Backbreaker.   Richardson taps out.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 12:27

Post match, Chism turns to Bahama and extends his hand.  Suave explains that Chism and Bahama have not seen eye to eye dating back to 2008 when Bahama was the PCW Champion and Chism wanted the title.   It was Chism who knocked Bahama out of competition for over a year by concussing him on the ring bell in 2009.  Suave wonders if ‘bygones will be bygones.’

Bahama takes Chism’s hand and kicks him in the groin.  Then he DDT’s him and leaves the ring.

Suave: “I guess not.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave notes that one year from now will be PCW’s signature show, the bi-annual PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.  As a special feature, here’s the PCW Title Match between Champion Republican Starz N. Stripes (now ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott)  and challenger O’Beck Bahama (D) from Extreme Election Night 2008.

REPLAY FROM PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
MAIN EVENT: PCW TITLE MATCH
O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
vs. STARZ N. STRIPES © w/John McCain (American Patriots)
The referee calls for the bell.

Suave: “Here we go!”

Staredown as O’Beck and Starz circle each other. Starz smiles and they finally lock up. Starz goes for a bodyslam. Bahama reverses and pushes Starz to the ring ropes. Starz holds on to the ropes. Circling and staring again. Another lockup. O’Beck shoots Starz’s leg and takes him down. Arm drag into a wrist lock by Bahama. Into the corner. Starz unleashes a right hand that glances off Bahama. Bahama with a side headlock. Irish whip into the ropes. Back body drop by Bahama. Bahama shoots him into the ropes again but this time Starz hangs onto them. Starz slides out of the ring and takes a walk to confer with McCain. .Starz back in and they lock up yet again. Bahama monkey-flips Starz and delivers the boots to the gut. Out of nowhere, Starz slaps on the American Star and Fuji Arm Bar submission hold.

Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!”

Bahama grabs the ropes and hold on to them for dear life. The referee breaks the hold.

Starz confers with John McCain. Bahama slingshots himself across the ring and crushes Starz against the steel barricade. Irish whip into the barricade on the other side. Another Irish whip from Bahama. He ducks for a backdrop but Starz kicks him in the mush. Starz starts laying in right hands and pushes Bahama out through the ropes. Bahama quickly climbs back up on the apron. Starz charges. Bahama ducks and back body drops the PCW champion over the ropes and through a ring table.

Suave: HOLY CRAP!”

O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Starz on the floor.

Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

Starz crawls out of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Starz with it. Starz slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps.

Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! STARZ CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!”

Bahama pulls Starz up. Superkick! Starz falls backwards and hits the floor hard. Barack Obama urges Bahama on. Bahama presses the attack, grabbing another steel folding chair and pastes the champion in the face with it. He throws the chair on the floor.

Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! THE PCW CHAMPION IS IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE’S AT!”

Bahama drags Starz back into the ring. Bahama goes for the win.

Suave: “1…2…NO! BAHAMA GAVE HIM TOO MUCH TIME AND STARZ KICKS OUT!”

Bahama goes for another cover.

Suave: “NO! STARZ KICKS OUT AGAIN! BAHAMA MAY HAVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN NOT TRYING TO PIN THE CHAMPION ON THE FLOOR!”

Starz tries to fight back. Bahama lifts him for a jack-knife power bomb. Starz flips through and shoves the New Rookie Sensation into the ropes. Wild right by Starz misses badly. Bahama trips Starz and he lands throat first on the top ring rope. Running splash takes the air out of Starz. Bahama covers.

Suave: “1…2…McCAIN SAVES HIM! McCAIN RAN OVER AND PUT THE CHAMPION’S FOOT ON THE ROPES!”

Bahama drives Starz to the canvas with a running power bomb. The crowd begins to anticipate a possible title change.

Suave: “THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT! BAHAMA COVERS…”

A huge roar erupts.

Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN! SHE’S IN THE RING! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP! *THWACK* OH! SHE NAILED BAHAMA WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!”

Bahama staggers.

Suave: “TINA FEY! TINA FEY’S OUT HERE! SHE GOES UP TO PALIN…SHE TAKES THE HOCKEY STICK AWAY. AND NOW, FEY’S LEAVING! PALIN’S CHASING HER.”

Standing drop kick by Starz drives Bahama into the corner.

Suave: “SARAH PALIN HAS TOTALLY CHANGED THE COMPLEXION OF THE MATCH!”

An newly energized Starz throws lefts and rights. Snap mare take down. Enzuigiri by Starz and then a backpack stunner. Bahama blocks a suplex attempt but eats a flying knee. Starz charges and shoulder blocks Bahama into the ropes. Bahama walks right into a Ricola bomb. Cover. 1…2.. Bahama gets the shoulder up. Bahama gets crotched on the top rope and schoolboyed for another two. Starz goes for a Texas Cloverleaf but Starz rolls through it. Starz hits a Michinoku Driver. Starz hits a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama escapes the hold and pushes Starz back. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed by another reversal. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz back suplexes Bahama. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. Suave: “One…Obama breaks the count this time.” Starz hits a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Starz goes for a piledriver; Bahama kicks him low.

Suave: “That’ll stop your momentum in a big hurry.”

Bahama with rights. Irish whip into the ropes. Bahama ducks the lariat. Lou Thesz Press by Starz. He pummels Bahama on the canvas. Irish whip by Starz. Belly to belly suplex. Bahama bounces off the canvas.

Suave: “STARZ WITH THE MOMENTUM AND…HE WANTS A TABLE!”

McCain slides a table into the ring and Stara sets it up. Rights by Starz. Then he sets Bahama up.

Suave: “HE’S LINING BAHAMA UP…”

The PCW crowd roars again.

Suave: “SARAH PALIN! .SARAH PALIN’S BACK OUT!…OR IS IT TINA FEY?”

Palin climbs up to the ring apron.

Suave: “I DON’T THINK STARZ’S SURE IF IT REALLY HER OR NOT.”

McCain’s confused.

Suave: “STARZ PULLS BAHAMA UP AND HOLDS HIM…HE’S TELLING PALIN OR FEY OR WHOMEVER TO GO AHEAD.”

Palin swings. Bahama ducks. Starz catches the stick with his hand. He throws Bahama out of the ring.

Suave: “STARZ IS PISSED. HE FLIPS HER INTO THE RING!”

The crowd stands and cheers.

Suave: “HE’S NOT! YES HE IS.”

Starz powerbombs her through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tina Fey runs out dressed as Palin. She winks at Starz and leaves.

Suave: “OH MY GOD! STARZ JUST POWER-BOMBED SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!”

Starz looks at the unconscious Palin lying among the ruins of the table in abject disbelief. McCain is stunned. Starz checks on her. Bahama claws his way back into the ring and blindsides the distracted Starz from behind…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

End of Hour 1

PCW Fourth of July Show Results

PCW Fourth of July Spectacular
Washington Mall
Washington D.C.
Monday July 4th, 2011
Hosted by Johnny Suave

Coming out first was Suave with his life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain.


Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

He commented about the great weather outside and brought out PCW’s ring announcer Kimber Marshall to introduce the first match of the night.


Kimber Marshall


1. Scabby the Rat (D) vs. Rich the Fat Union Thug (R)

In this battle of political mascots, Scabby was out first and received a standing ovation from the union supporters in the crowd.  Fun match with lots of comedy spots.  There was a 30 second spot of the match with Scabby, Rich, and the referee running around the ring chasing Nancy Pelosi (D) and John Boehner (R) in a spectacle that resembled a Three Stooges episode.

The finish came when, once again, Independent Charlie Blackwell…


Charlie Blackwell (Amer. Heartland)

…and his Les Miserables hit the ring and attacked both mascots causing a double countout.

2. Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT) def. Bobby Eaglesmith (D)

Huntsman has decided on Walker to be his wrestler going into the 2012 contest and he easily dispatches Eaglesmith in a quick match.

In a move that shocked literally no one, The California Teacher’s Union (‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty) along with the NEA endorsed Barack Obama for a second four year term as PCW CEO.

3. The CTU (D) beat The Bi-Partisan Dream Team (Blue Dog D (D) and RINO- The Wonk Machine (R)).

Match of the night.  Golatta and Malibu Dusty worked the crowd into a frenzy when they brought out their pet Governor Jerry Brown on a leash.  The match ended after Golatta connected with a ‘Foul Pole’ shot on RINO to gain the win.

Suave hopped in the ring and said there was a special guest, the return of a former PCW Champion.

Then O’Beck Bahama (D) came out to a huge ovation, with I’d say nearly half the crowd bowing to him.  Bahama climbed into the ring, and first thing out of his mouth was, “Long time, no see, right?” to which the crowd cheered him even harder.  He then said he was bad to the bone, and he was in the best shape of his life.

Suave asked him if he was coming back to PCW.  Bahama only would say ‘wait and see.’

4. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim, Chloe, and Courtney) beats Kirk Walstreit (R)

Chism, still steaming over losing the PCW TV Title at the Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 PPV, did a legit five minutes on the decision to substitute Daniel-San (I) into the match, calling the PCW Competition Committee Leader John Boehner (R) ugly and called out a Republican for a street fight.  Walstreit answered the call and the match turned into a brawl with lot of plunder.

The finish comes when Walstreit calls for a table, sets it up, and gets a Wardrobe Malfunction from the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Chism Hollywood Blockbusters Walstreit through the table.

Post match, John Boehner (R) comes out and announces that Chism will get his rematch for the PCW Television Title on July 30th at the CWC’s Golden Dreams show.

5. ‘The So-Called Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D) def.Average Joe and NRA (R)

Good match, end came a bit out of nowhere, with Average Joe getting shoved off the top ropes into the guardrail by Triple R.  Big Labor then simply rolled him into the ring and hit the Scab-buster.  Big Labor with the pin for the win.

6. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney def. Andy Riley (D)

Riley stalled incessantly and even tore up a fans poster.  Anyway, good twenty minute back and forth battle that sees Scott winning with the Fuji Stars and Armbar submission.

7. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and GreenPete (D) vs. PCW Tag Team Champions Jack and Joe Schmidt w/Ron Paul and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain- time limit draw

Solid match here, with both teams nearly winning before the thirty minute time limit expired.   Run-ins and multiple near falls galore during the final two minutes of the match as James the Jeep Worker, Stone Chism, and Triple R (Democrats); The Religious Right (Rev. Flambe and Rev. Hinnrich) and Brad Company for the (Republicans) tried to turn the match.

Sarah Palin in Black Leather: 5/30-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Monday May 30, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
60 Minutes

Tonight’s show starts right in the ring…

MATCH #1

Scabby the Rat (D)
vs.

Rich the Fat Union Thug (R)

Suave notes that PCW again is ahead of the innovative curve by featuring a match between two mascots representing opposite sides of an issue.

The match isn’t even a minute old when…

*Do You Hear the People Sing? from the musical Les Miserables begins to play*

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Charlie and Kenzie Blackwell and  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido of the American Heartland Coalition walk out.


Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido w/Kenzie Blackwell (American Heartland)

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

Blackwell motions to the people behind him and they begin to march.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!


Ken Worth- The American Trucker and Tequila Sheila (American Heartland)

Worth and Sheila also join the procession.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Blackwell, Escondido, and The American Trucker hit the ring and destroy both mascots.

WINNER: No contest @ 3:11

Blackwell:
In case you haven’t noticed, it still costs $4 fucking dollars a gallon for gas, food prices are going up, and the best you can do blame the other for not addressing the issue.  It’s both the Republican and Democrats party’s fault and because we have a system where you have two parties who can’t think their way out of the proverbial box all we’ve done is talk about the problem, complain about the problem, instead of actually doing something about the problem.   Meanwhile, the lower/middle class/working poor pay $4 to $5 per gallon of gas and continue down the Bataan Death March towards bankruptcy and foreclosure.  Here’s an idea- tell your special interest to…two words- fuck off.”

MATCH #2
PCW Tag Team Champions California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.


Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)

The crowd boos as Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty, pulling along Jerry Brown (D-CA) on a leash, walk out.  “WE’RE TAKING OVER!” shouts Malibu Dusty as he holds up the PCW Tag Team belts.

Result: No contest @ 2:33 when…


‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D)

…run out.  Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (R)- two former police officers fired for their ‘extreme’ brand of justice, then race down and the match completely breaks down.

MATCH #3
Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R) and Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin
vs.
Andy Riley (D) w/Anthony Weiner (D-NY)

Riley, coming off a big victory last week, sticks up for Weiner in his recent scandal regarding a lewd photograph that allegedly showed Weiner’s weiner on Twitter.  Jackson comes out and challenges Riley and an impromptu match takes place.

WINNER: Josh Jackson (R) @ 11:45
-Jackson continues his ascent up the PCW Rankings with another win this week.  Weiner attempted to intervene but ran into a pizza cutter from Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin.  Post match, Martin dumps a container filled with Oscar Mayor weiners on Weiner.

MAIN EVENT:

PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/The Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Chloe, and Courtney Cardis-Sheehan
vs.

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly

This one start over O’Reilly’s comments on Fox that Kim was a “pinhead” for reportedly getting a $2 million engagement ring from her fiancee.  “Now, we believe in true love, but that seems to be a bit much. A $1 million ring would have been nice, and then you could have used the other million to help people who need assistance.  Kim and her fiancee are pinheads.”

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood @ 8:09
-Chism gets the Hollywood Blockbuster on a distracted Kevin Scott after the Skanky Rich Bimbos ripped off their tops and gave Bill O’Reilly a triple Wardrobe Malfunction.

Other notable happenings:


Mary Kay Huntsman

-Mary Kay Huntsman led her husband Jon out to the ring in the clearest indication that Jon Huntsman is going to run for PCW CEO in 2012.

Mary Kay: “He says nobody can tell you to run; nobody can tell you not to run,” she says as she watches her husband shake hands at a house party in Keene. “But if it’s right here” — she touches her heart. “And he’s got the fire to do it.”

Suave: “And apparently, she’s got the legs to go along with it as well.”

-Backstage, Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Tim Pawlenty, and Ron Paul field questions from Republican wrestlers about the 2012 election.

Suddenly…


‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) arrives on a motorcycle

Immediately, everyone rushes over to Palin.  The other Republicans don’t look too thrilled.

-To end the show, The Black Swamp Pirates come out and sing:

Don’t want to be- an American Elitist
Don’t want to be- smug, self-absorbed, and conceited
Don’t want to look down my nose- sipping cappuccino
And push political views- cause I act or hit a high note
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
I guess we’re supposed to listen, cause you’ve got a Hollywood star
Your perks and privilege gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide behind the velvet ropes and you can kiss our ass

Don’t want to be- an American Elitist
Corporate greed feeds the rich- the rest of us simply bleed yes
Golden parachutes- they protect the big gun
While no one gives a damn- about the little ones
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And I guess you’ve got a better way since you drive a fancy car
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide out at your country clubs and you can kiss our ass

Don’t want to be- an American Elitist
Big money special interests- well they get what they need yeah
One dollar equals one vote- that’s the way the game’s played
While the rest of us watch- as our dreams slowly slip away
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And if you’ve got the cash to pay, you get all the fun
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Spend your cash, buy an election and you can kiss our ass

So Barbra Streisand, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like Michael Moore, hell, you’d better believe us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
So Rush Limbaugh, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like, Dick Cheney, hell you’d better believe us
Hey NRA, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Hey you, George Soros, you’d better believe us
Hey Wall Street Journal, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Like Rolling Stone, you’d better believe us.

Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Watch us from your ivory towers and you can kiss our ass!

—————————-

POLITICAL HOT TOPICS: Tuesday, May 31, 2011 CNN Political Ticker
Liberal congressman involved in Twitter controversy over lewd photo
CNN Political Ticker
Crowds wait and wait and wait for Palin CNN Political Ticker
Attention Hog on a Hog  Hysterical Raisins
The GOP Jobs Bill 
Italico’s Place
in2 the recent presidential Euro Tour
  in2TheFray
Til the Last Shot’s Fired
  GayConservative.org
Memorial Day  Conservative Libertarian Outpost
WeinerGate: MSM Ignores Trifecta of Sex, Politics, and a Rising Political Star Big Government
Congressman Anthony Weiner Twitter Scandal: Stupid Prank or Dirty Politics? The Stir
Will Rick Perry Run? Only He and His Hairdresser Know… [Politics] Austinist

The First Word: Sine Begins Again
Houston Chronicle (blog)
Perry’s higher education policy taking on a tea party flavor
Austin American-Statesman

May 30: Sarah Palin Attends Motorcycle Rally and President Obama Surveys …
msnbc.com
Sarah Palin bus tour starts: No bus, but there are motorcycles
Los Angeles Times

Romney and Palin lead GOP field
Deseret News
Memorial Day brings out presidential hopefuls
CNN Political Ticker (blog)
Hill: Palin Is GOP Nominee If She Runs MyFox Philadelphia
The Dead Wrestler Of The Week Archive Deadspin

Trump Trashed/PCW CEO Obama Hosts PM Netanyahu for a Politically Extreme Discussion: PCW End of the World- Part 3

Suave: And we’re back at PCW End of the World,  while we were gone, it got real interesting inside the ring.   Let’s see…

Just a few minutes ago…
Rights to Walstreit, slam and Jackson goes up top. ELBOW DROP! PIZZA CUTTER to Walstreit! 1…2…NO! Trump pulls out the ref! Jackson after Trump now and he tosses him in the ring and goes after him.  LOW BLOW BY WALSTREIT! Walstreit now grabs Jackson …STOCK MARKET PLUNGE!  Walstreit covers.

Trump has them ring the bell and that is all!

Trump is in the ring and gloating towards Cain and Jackson.  He points to himself repeatedly and tells Cain he doesn’t have the presidential stuff.  Herman Cain gets into ring and goes after Trump.  Trump slides out of the ring protected by Walstreit.

Trump motions to the back and right away Big Oil appears.


Big Oil
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex

Big Oil and Walstreit get back in the ring and they attack Cain.   Walstreit hits a DDT and sets up a chair.  Josh Jackson gets back in the ring and trips him up.  Big Oil whips Jackson into the corner and hits an avalanche. Bossman slam by Big Oil on Cain and he gets an elbow drop.  Big Oil puts Cain on a table and goes to hit him with a chair.


Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, and Jon Huntsman (R)

Jackson swipes the chair and nails Big Oil with the chair. Jackson knocks him out on the table with another chairshot and hits the big splash to put Big Oil through the table.  Cain gets help from Pawlenty, Bachmann, and Huntsman and they literally mug Trump on the outside.

Finally, Sarah Palin runs out again and starts hacking away at Trump and Big Oil with a taped together hockey stick.

Suave: Two appearances by the Alaskan Pitbull…or will it be the Arizonian Pitbull if she goes for the Senate in 2012?

Pawlenty, Bachmann, Huntsman, and Palin carry Trump out of the building towards the back.  They toss Trump into the…

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Suave: Let’s go to the back and PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.

Bernstein is with…


Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu

Bernstein: Mr. Netanyahu, you just had a meeting with the CEO of PCW Barack Obama.  How did those meetings go?

Netanyahu: Let me first say, media reports of our disagreements “have been blown way out of proportion.  It’s true we have some differences of opinion, but these are among friends.”

Bernstein: So, the issue concerning the borders isn’t a deal breaker.

Netanyahu: There should be no doubt about the strength of the American-Israeli relationship and PCW CEO Obama’s commitment to Israel and its security.

Bernstein: Are you sure?

Netanyahu: Very sure.  Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to watch our boys show the world how to kick ass and take names.

MATCH #2
Israeli Commandos 1 and 2 w/Benjamin Netanyahu

vs.

Minions 1 and #2 w/Colonel Khadafy

Israeli #1 and Minion #2 start things off. Rights to Israeli #1, but he fights back and gets a hip toss. A wristlock, escape and a tag to Minion #1. Wristlock and Minion #1 runs. Minion #2 back in, neck breaker to Minion #2 and a Cactus clothesline by Israeli #1 takes them to the floor. Minion #1 attacks and rams Israeli #1 to the steel post. They take out Israeli #2 as well while Netanyahu tries to rally the troops.

Israeli #2 gets clocked from behind by Minion #1.  Minion #1 tags in to work over Israeli #1 now.  Corner elbows by Israeli #1 and then boots. Irish whip and a corner clothesline by Minion #1.  He stomps on the back now.  Tag to Minion #2 and rights to the kidneys.  Chinlock applied now and then shots to the back.  Colonel Khadafy distracts the ref and Minion #2 bends Israeli #1 around the post.  Neck breaker by Minion #2 and a cover for 2. More rights by Minion #2, tag to Minion #1.  Rights to Israeli #1 again . A hard Libyian whip follows as well as more boots to the back.  Minion #2 tags in and applies the bear hug of mild discomfort.   Israeli #1 fights…boot to Minion #2 but then runs into a powerslam for 2. Minion #2 to the 2nd rope…misses the leg drop.  Boot by Israeli #1, and a reverse DDT. Israeli #1 crawls… Israeli #1 kicks at Minion #2 and tags Israeli #2! Basement dropkicks and boots to Minion #2. Springboard leg drop to Minion #2. Poetry in motion to Minion #2. DDT by Israeli #1. Assisted leg drop by Israeli #2 gets 2.  Colonel Khadafy in and Israeli #2 takes him down…camel clutch to Khadafy.  Minion #1 into break it up and gets crotched in the ropes by Israeli #2.

Big boot to Minion #2 by Israeli #1.  TKO to Israeli #1.  Minion #1 slams Israeli #1, up top now…Netanyahu dumps him into the ring.  BIG leg drop to Minion #1 by Israeli #2.  CANE-A-PALOOZA from Israeli #1 on Minions 1 and 2!   He turns to Colonel Khadafy who escapes so Minion #2 eats another cane shot.  Israeli #2 makes the cover and that’s all.

WINNER @ 7:11 – Israeli Commandos

————————————-

Mahmoud Abbas’ Palestinian Authority & Fatah ‘No Peace, No Israel’  Velvet Hammer
Transcript & Video: Obama AIPAC Speech May 22, 2011  Velvet Hammer
The Bibi-Barack Chess Game, Ctd
  Andrew Sullivan
Mitch Daniels says ‘No’ to 2012 Republican presidential bid, citing family objections  LA Times- Top of the Ticket
Reality Bites: The GOP After Daniels, and After 2012
  Swampland

Netanyahu’s Bizarre Response to Obama’s Palestinian Proposal  Peter Beinart/Daily Beast
TheDC’s Jamie Weinstein: Talking about Israeli-Palestinian peace now is beyond silly  The Daily Caller
Donald Trump says he won’t run for president in 2012‎ – Washington Post
Trump Declines to Run for President‎ – Fox News
Trump Tells NBC Execs He Won’t Run For President‎ – NPR
Celebrity Apprentice finale preview, the gang is all back (VIDEO)‎ – Monsters and Critics.com
And the Celebrity Apprentice Winner Is…‎ – The Hollywood Gossip
Twitter Users React to ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Winner John Rich‎ – Hollywood Reporter
Voters Desert Donald: Trump Takes Fifth Place For Trash-Talking Antics‎ – News One
Why we need Donald Trump for President. No, really.‎ – The Scribe
Odds of a Donald Trump for president campaign? Ask the bookies‎ – The State Column

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