PCW Extreme Political TV (1 hr)
Events Center
Binghamton, NY
Monday December 13th
Hosted by Johnny Suave
10 bell salute honoring the memory of Elizabeth Edwards.
After the fifth bell, congregates from the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, known to picket military and celebrity funerals, came out from the back and protested.
Suave: “What the hell are they doing here? Who let them in?”
The crowd booed and drowned them out. Then the group started holding up posters denigrating Edwards for her stance on gay marriage.
Suave: “Aw, come on. This is not the time or place-”
Suddenly, the crowd began to heave chairs at the group. Soon, they were buried in an avalanche of steel-folding chairs.
Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”
The PCW Clean-Up crew comes out to scrape up the church members and in the ring…no, it’s not ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave. It’s…
Bernie Sanders (I)
…Bernie Sanders and he’s filibustering tonight’s show. Suave tries to talk from his broadcast vantage point but he can’t get Sanders to shut up. Suave runs down tonight’s card that features two huge matches:
Former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) takes on the two men who help cost him the PCW Title- Triple R (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D), in a handicap match.
Bristol Palin, who was attacked at last week’s show by Keith Olbermann and Kathy Griffin, gets her chance at payback when she and a mystery partner takes on Olbermann and Griffin in tonight’s main event.
Sanders continues to talk. Suave throws it to the back and…
Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub with Bill Clinton!
Bill introduces this week’s very special guest…
PCW CEO Barack Obama
Obama, already in the hot tub, shakes Clinton’s hand. Clinton wishes that Barack’s lovely wife…
Michelle Obama
…could join them in the hot tub. Obama: “Not a chance in hell, Bill.”
Clinton heartily endorses the stimulus message that Obama and his staff have been sending out in defense of the tax compromise the PCW CEO struck with Republican Minority Leader of the Executive Committee Mitch McConnell. Clinton: “This will result in the best economic result for the workers of PCW.” Obama thanks Clinton for his support.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein and Backstage Reporter Paige McGillicutty then showed up for an impromptu press conference. Obama, clearly uncomfortable, made it clear that he would speak only briefly. Clinton, clearly relishing the moment, said that he felt awkward being there. Obama: “Not half as awkward as I feel.”
Clinton then went off at length about the PCW tax deal, about Hong Kong stimulus, the Haitian prime minister, green energy investors in Nevada, what to do about those two pesky woodchucks in the Geico commercial, and the number of events he did supporting Democratic candidates for the PCW Competition and Executive Committee in 2010.
Bernstein finally got around to ask Obama a question and gave him a chance to regain control of the press conference. Obama tried to lean back into the shot but Clinton elbowed him out of the way. Obama then leaned over and said his wife had been waiting for him for a half hour at a previously mentioned holiday party and he was going to leave. Clinton: “I don’t want to make her mad. Please go.”
Clinton held court until Bernie Sanders, still filibustering, arrived to filibuster at the hot tub. Clinton tried to dissuade Sanders from joining him. But, with his back to the camera, Sanders took off his robe and jumped into the hot tub. Much to Clinton’s horror, he continued to filibuster.
As Sanders talked, Clinton quickly wrapped up the show.
Paige McGillicutty
Backstage, Paige has Bristol and Willow Palin with her.
Willow and Bristol Palin
Paige asks Bristol about what took place last week on PCW Extreme Political TV when Keith Olbermann and Kathy Griffin attacked on her. Olbermann later in the week said Bristol Palin is contributing to teen pregnancies by this “idiotic, never-works strategy of abstinence.” Bristol shoots back that obviously Mr. Olbermann has never made a mistake in his life…and that accusing her of hypocrisy is by now, “an old canard.” As for Griffin, Bristol said this: “The audience’s reaction to this ‘comedian’ spoke volumes, and the decent people I know would probably have booed her, too…I hope people didn’t have to pay money to hear her negativity and criticisms.”
Paige asks who’s the mystery wrestler who’ll be with Bristol. Willow replies maybe it’s her…maybe it’s someone else in PCW. Either way, she’s tired of her family being attacked and now it’s time to kick some ass.
Suave is back and it’s time for the first match. The lovely, leggy Kimber Marshall is in the ring.
Kimber Marshall
Marshall begins to introduce the first match of the night when Bill Clinton comes to the ring. Clinton compliments Marshall for the great job she does week in and week out but he has a few more things to say. He first calls out the former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka. Tin Machine’s Under the God blares as Tanaka, accompanied by Reika Kisaurgi, comes to the ring.
Yamamoto Tanaka and Reika Kisaurgi (D)
Suave notes he doesn’t look too happy.
Clinton then calls out Triple R and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.
Road Rage Randy (Triple R) (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/’The Genius Stephen Hawking
‘The Genius’ Stephen Hawking
Chism rebuts Reika and says that if Tanaka was as strong of champion as he claimed to be, he would have shook off the ‘practice’ that he and Triple R gave him and won the match. Clinton bites his lips and notes that he profoundly understands everyone’s frustation and feels their pain. However, Clinton wants both sides to come with him to the back and talk this out. Triple R responds that the time for talk is over. He wants the PCW title and will do anything to win it. Triple R charges past Clinton towards Tanaka. Tanaka grabs him by the throat and choke slams him to the mat.
Clinton bails from the ring.
End Match Summary
Chism ducks a clothesline from Tanaka. HURRACANRANA!! Chism covers. Tanaka kicks out at one. Reverse elbow by Tanaka into a spinning back kick to the gut. Big running boot to the temple! Spear by Tanaka! …..1…….Triple R makes the save with a chairshot on Tanaka! Triple R attacks again with a second chairshot. He goes for a third…Reika’s in the ring and she stops Triple R. Triple R flings her out of the ring, but turns right around…SIT DOWN POWERBOMB BY TANAKA! Cover…1…….2…no. Chism with a boot to save the three-count! Reika back in the ring now with some forerarms for Chism and they pair off in opposite corners with Tanaka parking Triple R on the top turnbuckle and Reika whipping Chism across the ring into Triple R. Tanaka charges but gets nailed by Triple R with another chairshot. Reika races across the ring to catch Triple R with a flying knee but Chism lariats her and she hits the mat hard. Triple R puts the chair on Tanaka! Up to the top rope…..DOUBLE STOMP TO THE CHAIR!! Both Triple R and Chism with the cover…..1…….2………..3!
WINNER: “The One Man Hollywood A-List” Stone Chism and Triple R (D) @ 18:05
Suave calls it a major upset. Then Bernie Sanders returns and he’s still filibustering. Suave throws it to the back.
Backstage- Republican Conference Room
There’s a huge back and forth going on concerning ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin and whether or not she’s qualified to become the next PCW CEO. Meg Whitman and other members of the ‘establishment’ including ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove argue that she isn’t. Bobby Jindal retorts that Palin can win.
Someone mentions that Bristol Palin is about to wrestle Keith Olbermann and Kathy Griffin. Should they send someone out for backup? Again, no consensus and more bickering back and forth.
Suave wonders if that’s a bad sign for Bristol seeing as no one knows who’s going to be her partner.
BCS Chairman Bill Hancock is in the ring, and ignoring Bernie Sanders, to once again stick up for the BCS.
Bill Hancock
BCS Commissioner
Crowd: “BCS sucks! BCS sucks!”
Hancock says we’ve been called communists, a cartel, crooks — and worse — but that’s malarkey. He’s proud to stand up and point out why college football is so popular and why our system works so well. Hancock takes exception to the BCS being equated with commies and a cartel? He says the BCS is a voluntary arrangement that benefits every university in the NCAA’s Bowl Subdivision and has provided all schools with more revenue and more access to the major bowl games than ever before.
The crowd boos.
Hancock maintains that if ever a season showed that the BCS is fair and that it works, it’s this season. And it happened while maintaining the thrilling regular season in which every game-
Chairs begin to fly into the ring again and Hancock is buried. Crowd: “WE WANT A PLAYOFF! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)…WE WANT A PLAYOFF! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)
Suave notes that the PCW Clean Up Crew will have to clean the ring up again.
Backstage, Paige McGillicutty with Triple R and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and she asks them about stealing a win from Yamamoto Tanaka earlier in the show. Triple R immediately takes offense and reminds her that Tanaka couldn’t even beat Jill Berg. Chism says not even Bill Clinton can stop them from doing what needs to be done- returning the PCW title to the Democrats. McGillicutty tries to ask them why they screwed a fellow Democrat (Tanaka) out of the PCW title then but the pair leave.
MAIN EVENT:
Bristol Palin and ???? (R)
vs.
Kathy Griffin and Keith Olbermann (D)
Willow Palin is in Bristol’s corner. Suave wonders where Bristol’s partner is.
Bill Clinton comes to the broadcast table and sits in with Suave. Clinton then launches into a long-winded soliloquy about who Bristol’s partner could be. Bristol looks concerned as the bell is about to ring. Olbermann and Griffin shout at the Palin girls. The Palin girls return fire. The referee calls for the bell…
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The crowd roars.
PCW Champion Jill Berg (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb
Clinton: “Well, I’ll be damned.”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Berg and Daisy run towards the ring.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
Olbermann and Griffin rush across the ring and attack Bristol. Willow wades in and throws a couple rights at Olbermann. Griffin flings Bristol down by the hair. Willow jumps on Griffin’s back and starts choking her out.
Berg and Daisy in the ring now. Olbermann turns and eats a buzzsaw kick from Jill-Berg. Daisy with a leg drop and then she pulls Olbermann up.
Griffin finally flips Willow over her head and the younger Palin lands on her back in the ring. Griffin stomps at her. Bristol grabs her from behind and plants her face first into the canvas.
Daisy charges at Olbermann…SPEAR! Olbermann gets bent in half. Daisy lifts him over her shoulder…JACKHAMMER SLAM!
Crowd: “JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLLLL-BERG!”
Berg motions Bristol over to cover. Griffin tries to grab her but Daisy kicks her in the midsection…DAISY CUTTER-POWERBOMB! Bristol covers…1…2…3!
WINNER: Bristol Palin and PCW Champion Jill Berg @ 1:48
Crowd: “JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLLLL-BERG!”
Clinton has taken over the broadcast and after a few closing remarks that take a few minutes the show ends.
Filed under: 2010 Election, 2012 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, democrats, Independents, joe six pack, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, political satire, political wrestling, Politics, Pro Wrestling, red state, republicans, Small Town America, Third Party, wordpress political blogs | Tagged: Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton, Bristol Palin, Kathy Griffin, Keith Olbermann, Willow Palin | 2 Comments »
