It's five years after the 2012 election and, well, things aren't going so well. A major economic meltdown exacerbates the already bitter divisions within the United States and the country has split into several smaller nations based on red and blue state populations- or Jesusland and Progressiveville.
Now, in 2017, former Presidents Clinton and Bush (43) convene the American Reconciliation Summit and attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again. But when a multi-national mega-corporation attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting Washington D.C. and the summit. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, the book harpoons the American political dysfunction that's pulling our country apart and also pokes fun at various cultural icons ranging from Harry Potter to Les Miserables, Stars Wars to Armageddon to even the Twilight films.
Now available on Amazon.com, Amazon Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and other online book sellers.
Posted on July 5, 2010 by Political Championship Wrestling
PCW House Show
PCW Hall
Archbold, OH
Sunday July 4th
A capacity crowd of 900 jammed into PCW Hall for a night of political wrestling action.
1. Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (I) def. Josh Jackson (R) and Jordan Metzger (D) The Rookie Phenom Ridfych defeated Jackson with a series of fastballs and caught Jackson looking on the curve for the win.
Republican Leader Michael Steele is under the gun over comments he made concerning PCW CEO Barack Obama and the upcoming run-up to PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2010.
Steele said: “”This was a war of Obama’s choosing. This is not something the Republicans actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in.”
Republicans John McCain of Arizona and Lindsey Graham of South Carolina lambasted Steele for the comments, which McCain called “wildly inaccurate” and Graham characterized as “uninformed, unnecessary, unwise, untimely,” while follow Republican Jim DeMint of South Carolina said Steele should apologize.
More on this later on.
2. Andy Riley (D) def. SNAFU (I)
Riley defeated the veteran SNAFU with a little help from Rahm Emanuel who helped the rookie by dropping a few F-Bombs on SNAFU.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein reports that Nancy Pelosi defied PCW CEO Barack Obama concerning the addition of more wrestlers to the Democratic stable. Obama preferred not to add more at this time. Pelosi personally lobbied to add a couple more in to help with the effort heading towards November’s Extreme Election Night.
Obama, still stuck inside his limousine at a BP gas station with oil still leaking out of his car for the 78th day, was not available for comment. However, the situation continues to deteriorate with pictures of oil soaked BP gas station clerks being scrubbed and cleaned being showed to the world.
3. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Charlie Blackwell (I) def. The Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R) [...Escondido hits a Rubik's Cube on Locke then LAUNCHES him in a modified snake eyes to the bottom turnbuckle! Lawn Dart City! Blackwell up top- missile dropkick! MOONSAULT BY ESCONDIDO! 1...2...3!...]
4. Nick Ray (R) vs. Jordan Metzger (D)- no decision The battle of two PCW rookies ends up being a free-for-all with the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Arianna Huffington, Daily Kos, Keith Olbermann, and ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews) and the Right Wing Brigadiers (Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Laura Ingraham) joining the fight…that leads to…
5. Angry Left Wing Bloggers (D) vs. Right Wing Brigadiers (R)- no decision This one falls apart quickly.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein reports more on the Michael Steele situation. Steele tried to backtrack from his earlier comments.
Steele: “The stakes are too high for us to accept anything but success in November.”
Bernstein reports that Steele may be toast. Prominent Republican voices are calling for Steele’s resignation, including Liz Cheney, the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney; Weekly Standard editor William Kristol and former South Carolina GOP chairman Katon Dawson, who finished second to Steele in the RNC chairman’s race last year.
6. PCW Television Champion Ken Worth-The American Trucker (I) def. Triple R (D) [...Worth charges into a spin kick by Triple R. Small package by Triple R gets 2. Enziguiri by Triple R gets 2 more. Cobra Stretch locked in by Triple R! Worth breaks it and hits a moonsault kick and a clothesline. Some more counters from both men, Worth hits 2 stiff kicks...Jake Brake! 1...2...2.89! Triple R gets a sunset flip for 2 but gets nails with a second Jake Brake. 1...2...3!]
7. PCW Tag Team Champions The Kings of Old School (Bobby Michaels and Marty Lane) (D) def. Jack and Joe Schmidt (I)
Michaels and Lane defeat the former two-time tag team champions in a spirited contest that lasted a good twenty minutes and sent the crowd home with a rousing end to the night.
Posted on June 15, 2010 by Political Championship Wrestling
The Republicans confirmed just a few minutes ago that Kevin Scott’s neck injury, suffered at the hands of Triple R (D) last night in Toledo, Ohio, will keep him from wrestling at next week’s pay per view show.
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
Scott was injured after pinning Yamamoto Tanaka (D) to win a four-way elimination match to determine PCW Champion Average Joe’s opponent next week at Loose Cannons Unleashed 6. Here’s how it happened…
[.......Scott follows with a jumping DDT on Tanaka.
Johnny Suave - Scott covers. One...two...three!]
ELIMINATED: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 23:00
WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott
Paige McGillicutty – Kevin Scott pulls off the big win. But it’s not done yet.
[Enraged, Tanaka throws Scott head first into the turnbuckle. Triple R jumps Scott and starts choking him with a tie. Tanaka tosses Berg and Magnum from the ring and commences to stomping Scott while Triple R keeps the choke hold in place.
Linda McMahon runs in and yells at Triple R from the outside.
Linda McMahon - STOP! STOP!
Johnny Suave - SOMEONE STOP HIM! KEVIN SCOTT IS TURNING BLUE!
Daniel-San (I)
Johnny Suave - WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
Daniel-San runs down. Tanaka pulls himself away and meets him. Low blow by Daniel-San takes Tanaka down. Daniel-San grabs a leg and whips around, putting Tanaka into a Figure Four Leglock! Triple R continues to choke out Scott. McMahon continues shouting at Triple R. Daniel-San releases Tanaka and clobbers Triple R from behind. He takes the tie and wraps it around Triple R's neck......]
Republican Leader Michael Steele called on the President of the PCW Competition Committee Nancy Pelosi (D) to name a Republican wrestler, most notably A. Tom Bomb, to take Scott’s place.
Posted on June 2, 2010 by Political Championship Wrestling
Republican Leaders Michael Steele and Eric Cantor announced at a press conference earlier today the return of former PCW Champion Kevin Scott to the Republican fold.
American Citizen Kevin Scott
In the Press Conference, Steele read the following statement: “As Starz N. Stripes and a member of the Republicans (then the American Patriots), Kevin Scott held the PCW Title from March to November, 2008. After Scott lost the title at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 to O’Beck Bahama (D), he went through a period where he struggled. He briefly joined the Democrats where he hooked up with ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and then left with him to go to the American Heartland Coalition. Escondido and Scott held the PCW Tag Team title for over seven months.”
Steele added that Scott would become the Republican’s number one wrestler and would be pushed for another go at the PCW Title- now held by Independent Average Joe.
The Democrats released a statement of their own concerning Scott’s return to the Republicans.
“Kevin Scott’s return to the Republicans wouldn’t be surprising if it weren’t for the fact that Scott doesn’t seem to be able to stay in one place for very long. Scott did in fact join the Democrats for a while before washing out and joining the independent American Heartland Coalition. Scott shouldn’t count on getting a shot at the PCW title anytime soon. He’ll have to wait on cashing in his PCW title aspirations as Democrat Yamamoto Tanaka has first dibs on a title shot. In fact, Kevin Scott may wish he’d made a different decision after he finds out that trying to get by Tanaka is like trying to pass through a brick wall.”
The Democrats also announced the signing of another tag team to challenge for Jack and Joe Schmidt’s PCW Tag Team Title in Matt Ficus and Rick Walker aka Diversity In Action- a tag team that features two wrestlers of differing sexual orientations (Ficus- gay; Walker- not gay).
——————-
PCW’s ‘Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon’ Al Gore and his wife Tipper have announced that they are separating and headed towards a divorce.
Al Gore
Tipper Gore
Rush Limbaugh immediately claimed that the reason for the divorce was that Al Gore could never come to terms with losing in 2000 to George W. Bush.
Democrats predictably blamed the divorce on Bush and Dick Cheney.
Posted on April 5, 2010 by Political Championship Wrestling
PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN (1 Hour) Douglas N. Everett Arena Concord, NH Monday April 5th
Host: Johnny Suave
The show starts with a replay of Jill-Berg after she was assaulted at PCW/MVW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.
Policeman: “Ms. Berg? Ms. Berg. It’s time!”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
[The Policeman takes a step back and then kicks down the door. Inside the room lies Jill-Berg, bloodied, unconscious, and sprawled out on the floor. Next to her, Berg's assistant Reika is also knocked out and bleeding. Across the room, Berg's personal assistant Jerry is half on, half off a chair, knocked out, and also bleeding. ]
Policeman: “CALL THE PARAMEDICS!”
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE LAID OUT JILL-BERG AND HER ASSISTANTS!”
Then a replay of last week’s attack on Reika by Jill-Berg.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
[The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.]
Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.
[Jill Berg and her five bodyguards stride out from her dressing room with a purpose.]
Johnny Suave – IT’S JILL-BERG! SHE’S GOT A SCORE TO SETTLE WITH REIKA FOR SELLING OUT TO THE DEMOCRATS FOR TANAKA’S SERVICES!
[Jill climbs into the ring and tells her bodyguards to hold Reika up. Two bodyguards pull her from the mat and stand her up. Jill takes a step forward and whirls around- nailing a spinning heel kick flush on Reika's jaw. Reika slides to the mat unconscious.]
Johnny Suave – JILL-BERG JUST KO’D HER FORMER ASSOCIATE REIKA!
Reika is in the ring and calls out Jill-Berg.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
[The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.]
Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.
Jill Berg and her five bodyguards answer the call and head to the ring.
Reika tells Jill-Berg that it’s not her fault she was injured at the Weapons of Mass Political Destruction Pay Per View. All she knows that the paychecks stopped coming and she need the cash. The Democrats made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.
George Soros, major Democrat financial backer, walks out with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Steny Hoyer, and the PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka. They are followed by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers Arianna Huffington, Jane Hamsher, Eric Alterman and MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, and Ed Schultz.
Reika tells Berg that she delivered Tanaka to the Democrats thanks to a…sizeable contribution from Mr. Soros.
Jill-Berg responds by telling Reika she stopped paying her because she didn’t do her job in protecting her. Reika laughs and observes that Tanaka listens to her now. She wonders aloud just what is stopping her from having Tanaka finish off Jill-Berg once and for all? Berg responds, “This!”
Michael Steele, Eric Cantor, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, A-Bomb and H-Bomb walk out with the Right Wing Crusaders, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham and Fox News’s Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, and Glenn Beck. Berg: “Meet my NEW friends.” Jill-Berg notes that she won’t be cleared to return to action until April 15th but when she does get cleared, she plans on making history, with the full support of the Republicans, by becoming the first woman to win the PCW Title! Berg also notes that she can take full advantage of the ‘loose rules’ in PCW that she couldn’t in Missouri Valley Wrestling.
Johnny Suave: “Well, this is very interesting.” It quickly gets more interesting.
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, and ‘Not Just Unbearable…Not Just Intolerable…He is’ Justin Sufferable walk out. Scott states that unlike the Democrats and Republicans who answer to their big money supporters, the American Heartland Coalition is of the people, by the people, and FOR THE PEOPLE! The rest of the AHC walks out: Dave the Mechanic, Ken Worth- The American Trucker, Tequila Sheila, and SNAFU. Escondido then introduces an old friend…
Replay from last week’s show…
A steaming Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid stride to the ring.
Nancy Pelosi – WAIT A MINUTE! WAAAAIT A MINUTE! You put that sign down right now!
The fan refuses.
Nancy Pelosi – I said put that sign down.
The fan flips Pelosi off.
Escondido says that the fan just isn’t a fan- he’s former PCW Wrestler Average Joe! Scott adds that he and Escondido are going to focus on regaining the tag team belts and introduces the newest and youngest member of the American Heartland Coalition…19 year old Charlie Blackwell! Blackwell and his 18 year old girlfriend/valet Kenzie Blair, holding on to her ‘Wrestling Manager for Dummies’ book, walk out and join the AHC.
Nancy Pelosi yanks the microphone away from ring announcer Kimber Marshall…
…and addresses Blackwell. She tells him that he was offered the ‘chance of a lifetime to tag with a great champion Yamamoto Tanaka’ and threw it away on an ‘independent movement that may have a couple titles but no real power within PCW.’ Since Pelosi is President of the PCW Competition Committee, she makes a match between Tanaka and Blackwell tonight. Pelosi then books Escondido and Scott against the Democrats main tag team Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle and then Paddy O’Kennedy (D) versus the American Heartland Coalition’s, and PCW Television Champion, Ken Worth-The American Trucker.
Then Hank Johnson walks out and he’s very concerned. With the amount of people standing inside the ring, he fears that the ring will collapse downwards and suck the entire arena down into the molten hot magma below and start a catastrophic chain reaction that will destroy the planet!
Def Leppard’s “Rock, Rock Til You Drop” blares and the Extreme Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot returns WTF runs to the ring, grabs Johnson by the throat, and choke slams him.
———————
Coming up in three weeks! PCW Night of Champions, live from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio.
All three titles will be on the line. Other special matches will be booked.
Monday April 25th- PCW Night of Champions.
————————
PCW RANKINGS
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Yamamoto Tanaka (Democrat)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION:Ken Worth-American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jack and Jim Schmidt (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Khalid-El (Axis of Evil)
#2- Kevin Scott (American Heartland Coalition)
#3- SNAFU (American Heartland Coalition)
#4- Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (Independent)
#5- Newt Tron Bomb (Republican)
TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (American Heartland Coalition)
#2- Big Oil and Big Electric (Public Utilities)
#3- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (Republican)
#4- Ranck and Fyle (Democrat)
#5- Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (Republican)
———————
MATCH #1
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) vs. Ranck and Fyle (D)
Pete Fyle and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott to start. Lock up in the middle of the ring. Fyle gets the advantage whips the American Citizen to the corner of the ring. Flying elbow by Fyle and a quick tag to Charlie Ranck. Ranck hits a kneeling headbutt to Scott’s groin. Ranck lays the boots to Scott. Scott catches the boot and flips Ranck backwards. He tags in Escondido. Ranck with an armdrag takedown into an arm grapevine. Fyle on the top turnbuckle…flying sitdown splash. Ranck covers. Escondido kicks out. Low bridge by Escondido on Ranck and he tags Scott back in. Scott lays some right hands into Ranck. Then turns and sends Fyle flying out of the ring. Ranck rakes the eyes. Elbow drop by Ranck. Ranck with a corkscrew legdrop. He covers. Scott kicks out at two.
Scott tags Escondido back in. Ranck tags in Fyle. Fyle launches himself at Escondido and hits the flying elbow. Ranck throws a chair in. *WHAP* Escondido reels back into the corner. Chair on the mat. Fyle bulldogs Escondido on the chair. Fyle goes up top. Splash on the chair. Fyle covers. Escondido kicks out again. Scott in and grabs the chair. *WHAP* He nails Fyle with the chair. Escondido with the gut wrench powerbomb onto the chair. Irish whip to the ropes by Escondido. He chokes Fyle with his boot. Scott in with a table. Escondido powerbombs Fyle through the table. Ranck in and walks into a chairshot by Scott.
Escondido slams the chair into Pete Fyle’s face!! Fyle is busted open. He rolls him over and grabs the leg. CATTLE MUTILATION! Fyle quickly taps out.
WINNER: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott @ 11:05
Backstage, Nancy Pelosi is pissed. She tells Paddy O’Kennedy that he’d better come back with the PCW Television Title.
Charlie Blackwell cuts a promo…actually his girlfriend Kenzie Blair does. Blair calls Pelosi the poster child for everything wrong with PCW. Blackwell tries to get her to tone it down. Blair calls Pelosi ‘Tom DeLay in a skirt.’ Again Blackwell tries to get her to tone it down. Blair says the Democrats can’t even stand up to their own special interest groups. We were promised change. We were promised that things were going to be different. What did we get? The same ol’-same ol’. Earmarks out of control. Pressing issues that need to be addressed don’t because both parties don’t dare go against their big money special interest groups. So we continue to get the same old gridlock because the Democrats have proven themselves to be just as untrustworthy as the Republicans. Again, Blackwell tries to get his girlfriend to settle down. Blair then says that it doesn’t matter how much bigger and stronger Yamamoto Tanaka is, Charlie Blackwell is still going to kick his ass. Blackwell literally has to drag her off camera.
MATCH #2 for the PCW Television Title
Paddy O’Kennedy (D) vs. Ken Worth- The American Trucker (c) with Tequila Sheila (I)
Worth starts with a leg lariat and takes O’Kennedy off his feet. O’Kennedy grabs Worth’s head and DDT’s him. O’Kennedy drops the fist. Worth responds with a headlock and takes O’Kennedy down. O’Kennedy fights his way out with a couple of back elbows and then a right hand. The American Trucker responds with an atomic drop. Standing drop kick to O’Kennedy’s back sends him over the top rope to the floor. Tequila Sheila grabs her blender and whaps O’Kennedy with it. Worth on the top rope…elbow drop to O’Kennedy sends him sprawling. Now Worth with a chair. He blasts O’Kennedy several times with it before returning to the ring.
O’Kennedy barely beats the count. Worth lifts him up…JAKE BRAKE! Worth covers…one…two…three.
WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Ken Worth-The American Trucker @ 5:11
Backstage, Pelosi is furious. She tells Reika Kisaurgi to have Yamamoto Tanaka make an example out of Charlie Blackwell. Reika nods and leaves.
The CWC is an inter-fed currently consisting of 14 federations
MATCH #3 – Non-Title Match
Charlie Blackwell w/ Kenzie Blair (I) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (c) w/Reika Kisaurgi (D)
Tanaka roars out of his corner and lariats Blackwell. Tanaka lays the boots to Blackwell repeatedly. Kenzie Blair screams at Tanaka. The PCW Champion with a blatant chokehold. The referee tries to make Tanaka break the hold but gets thrown down. Tanaka whips Blackwell hard into the corner. Tanaka whips him again to the other corner. Reika in the ring with a table. She starts to set it up. Kenzie Blair runs in and bulldogs Reika. Tanaka takes Blair by the hair and whips her into the corner with Blackwell. He runs…BIG SPLASH on Blackwell and Blair. Tanaka takes Blackwell to the top rope…JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER THROUGH THE TABLE! Tanaka covers. One…two…three.
WINNER: PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka @ 4:46
Post match, Tanaka drags Blackwell back up to the top rope again. A SECOND JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER! Blair back up. She nails Tanaka with her book- Wrestling Manager for Dummies. Tanaka drags her up to the top rope. Immediately Escondido and Scott run out with the rest of the American Heartland Coalition. Rahm Emanuel leads the Democrats out and Eric Cantor charges out with the Republicans. Huge scrum in the ring ends the show.
Posted on March 30, 2010 by Political Championship Wrestling
PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN (1 Hour) Sandusky Skate World
Sandusky, OH
Monday March 29th
Host: Johnny Suave
Crowd – PCW!…PCW!…PCW!
Johnny Suave – HELLO AND WELCOME TO P-C-W!
Crowd – RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Johnny Suave – I AM JOHNNY SUAVE AND TONIGHT WE HAVE-
[Joe Biden strides to the ring.]
Johnny Suave – Hey. Who let Joe Biden out of the closet?
[Biden climbs in and takes the microphone from the lovely Kimber Marshall.]
Joe Biden – Ladies and gentlemen. Let me say, that we are truly living in historic times. Franklin Delano Roosevelt brought us the New Deal. Harry Truman brought us the Fair Deal. And now, with the passage of health insurance for all PCW employees Barack Obama has brought us the Big F****** Deal!
Johnny Suave – Oh dear.
Joe Biden – Get it? The Big F****** Deal! That’s because it is a Big F****** Deal!
[Rahm Emanuel and a couple Obama aides come out to escort Biden off the stage.]
Joe Biden – What! It is a big f****** deal! It’s a totally big f****** deal!
[Biden raises his hands to the crowd. The crowd boos and then start heaving debris into the ring.]
turns and sees a fan holding up the picture of Reagan.]
Joe Biden – Wait a minute! That’s not a Big F****** Deal!
[A steaming Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid stride to the ring.]
Nancy Pelosi – WAIT A MINUTE! WAAAAIT A MINUTE! You put that sign down right now!
[The fan refuses.]
Nancy Pelosi – I said put that sign down.
[The fan flips Pelosi off.]
Nancy Pelosi - That’s it. SECURITY!
Crowd – BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Security comes over to the fan.]
Voice – Now hold on a second.
Crowd – RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Johnny Suave – IT’S ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO, ‘AMERICAN CITIZEN’ KEVIN SCOTT AND JUSTIN SUFFERABLE!
[Escondido, Scott, and Sufferable walk to the ring.]
Chris Escondido – Hey Nancy. Leave the guy alone.
Crowd – RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris Escondido – The guy paid for his ticket with his hard earned cash. Let him hold up his sign.
Nancy Pelosi – I don’t care how much he paid for his ticket. The sign is going down. Security!
[A security guard tries to rip the sign from the fan's hands. Escondido walks over and pushes the guard down.]
Nancy Pelosi – How dare you?
Chris Escondido – He’s not hurting anyone. You just don’t like the message. Leave him and his sign alone.
Nancy Pelosi – I want the sign gone! Security!
Crowd – BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Linda McMahon comes out.]
Crowd – BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Linda McMahon – As the CEO of the WWE, I have plenty of experience in dealing with this sort of thing. Since you always have to protect the corporate brand, I have to reluctantly agree with Ms. Pelosi on this issue.
[The guard gets up and rips the sign away from the fan.]
Crowd – BULL****!…BULL****…BULL****
Nancy Pelosi – Get used to it, Escondido. You had your chance to rejoin the winning side. We make the rules now. We decide what’s appropriate and not appropriate. And I say this sign is not appropriate.
[Escondido tears the sign away from the guard.]
Crowd – RAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris Escondido – And I say that you don’t make all the rules and the guy has a right to show his sign.
[He hands the sign back to the fan.]
Chris Escondido – And with all due respect Ms. McMahon, PCW is NOT an entertainment corporation. We are a wrestling…company!
Crowd – RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chris Escondido – So you can take your corporate branding and stick it up your ass!
[An angry Linda McMahon turns and storms off in a huff.]
Nancy Pelosi – You dare defy me? Well, Mr. Escondido. You and Kevin Scott just bought yourself a one way ticket to hell. It’ll be you two versus the PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka and a partner of MY choice later tonight.
Chris Escondido – You’re on!
Johnny Suave – There’s our main event tonight! Tanaka and a mystery partner versus ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott.
The CWC is an inter-fed currently consisting of 14 federations.
—————————–
MATCH #1
Big Oil and Big Electric w/Texas Tex (Public Utilities)
vs. Blue Dog D and the ‘Wonk Machine’ RINO (Bipartisan Dream Team)
vs. Ranck and Fyle (Democrat)
[Kimber Marshall stands ready to announce the first match.]
Kimber Marshall – This match is a three way elimination tag match. First, on their way to the ring at this time, Public Utilities- Big Oil and Big Electric!!!
[Texas Tex, brandishing his golden money belt and pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash, leads Big Oil and Big Electric to the ring. ]
Kimber Marshall – The second team in this contest is the Bipartisan Dream Team- Blue Dog D and the ‘Wonk Machine’ RINO!
[Blue Dog D and RINO walk to the ring.]
Kimber Marshall – And their final opponents, Democrats Ranck and Fyle.
[Ranck and Fyle walk to the ring.]
Kimber Marshall – Davey Keels is the referee for this match.
[All three teams attack. Big Oil wallops Blue Dog D and then places him on the turnbuckle. Big Electric jumps in and lands a front-layout superplex. RINO executes a pumphandle slam on Charlie Ranck. Pete Fyle places Big Electric on the turnbuckle and executes his own front-layout superplex. (ding, ding, ding)]
Johnny Suave – There’s the bell. Not that it mattered as all three teams are in the ring right now. Blue Dog D has a guillotine choke on Big Electric. Big Oil hits the double axhandle and breaks the hold. Keels chases Big Oil and Pete Fyle out of the ring as Blue Dog D measures Big Electric up. And he drops a closed fist. Big Electric comes back with a right of his own. Big Electric has Blue Dog D….tiger driver. Now Big Electric gets pulled out of the ring by Ranck. Ranck with a closed fist. Now Ranck applies an arm wrench to Big Electric. (….4) Big Oil coming over. He’s intercepted by Pete Fyle.
[Blue Dog D gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Ranck. Blue Dog D stands They head back into the ring. Ranck knifehand chops Blue Dog D. Blue Dog D springboard DDT's Ranck to the mat!]
Johnny Suave – We got a cover……no! Ranck kicks out at 2. Blue Dog D gets up. He locks Ranck into a headscissors submission. The referee checks. … Blue Dog D tightens the hold. …Ranck fights the hold…Pete Fyle in! HE makes Blue Dog D break the hold!
[Blue Dog D tags in RINO. Big Electric rolls onto Ranck connecting with a knee. Pete Fyle tagged in by Ranck. Fyle clotheslines RINO. ]
Johnny Suave – Fyle comes in and shocks the Wonk Machine with a clothesline! Now Big Electric hits RINO with an elbowdrop. Big Electric tags Big Oil. Fyle with the mule kick on RINO. Big Oil drops the big leg on RINO. Now he’s got Fyle…oh…Big Oil shoves Fyle to the ground. Big Electric runs in and rains down punches on Fyle repeatedly. Big Electric then clotheslines him.
[Big Oil gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Fyle. ]
Johnny Suave – Diving elbow smash rearranged the teeth on Big Oil! *WHAP* Whoaaaa. Big Oil just chopped the hell out of Pete Fyle.
[RINO makes the tag to Blue Dog D. Fyle rakes his fingers across Blue Dog D's back. ]
Johnny Suave – back rake!
[Blue Dog D tries for a side belly-to-belly suplex on Fyle but changes to a STF. Fyle gets locked in the painful STF. Davey Keels asks Pete Fyle if he quits. ... Blue Dog D tightens the hold. ... Pete Fyle fights the hold. ... Blue Dog D continues but Fyle is able to escape. Big Oil drags Pete Fyle to the floor. Big Oil picks up Pete Fyle and dumps him with a Gut Wrench Suplex on an open chair!!]
Johnny Suave – Holy crap!
[ Big Oil chokes Fyle with a microphone cable. Now he chokes Fyle with his boot. Big Oil bounces Fyle off the side of the ring and clotheslines him on the floor. Blue Dog D jumps in! He hits a swinging neckbreaker on Big Oil.]
Johnny Suave – Everyone back in the ring now. Blue Dog D goes up top…Big Oil gets hit with a diving elbow smash. Blue Dog D tags in RINO. Fyle climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and executes the diving headbutt on Big Oil. Big Oil back up. He charges Fyle…Fyle ducks and back body drops Big Oil to ringside. Charlie Ranck on top…falling splash on Big Oil. Blue Dog D with a chair!
[Blue Dog clocks Big Oil with the chair and busts him open.]
Johnny Suave – HOLY CRAP!
[Fyle with a baba chop on RINO. RINO then bounces Fyle off the ropes and clotheslines him. RINO punches Fyle repeatedly. Fyle gets away and makes the tag to Ranck. Ranck comes in with the steel chair...*CLANG*]
Johnny Suave - HOLY CRAP! Now Ranck sets the chair on RINO…Fyle on top…Big Splash on the chair and RINO!!
Crowd – PCW!…PCW!…PCW!
[Ranck puts RINO in an arm grapevine submission. Big Oil finally gets back into the ring and tags in Big Electric. Ranck jumps off the turnbuckle with the flying bodypress on RINO. Ranck covers. ...1...2...RINO with the lateral press. Big Electric whips RINO to the corner of the ring. RINO tags in Blue Dog D.]
Johnny Suave – Blue Dog D back in. Fyle and Big Electric brawl in the corner. Blue Dog D goes up top.
[Blue Dog D hits the springboard bulldog, slamming Big Electric's and Fyle's head onto the floor. Blue Dog D pulls Fyle up.]
Johnny Suave – Blue Dog D…RUNNING POWERBOMB ON FYLE! HE COVERS…ONE…TWO…NO! FYLE KICKS OUT AT TWO!
[Blue Dog D goes for a belly-to-belly suplex but Big Electric clubs him from behind. Big Electric locks him in the painful STF.]
Johnny Suave – Davey Keels checks for a tap out…Big Oil in the ring. He sets a chair up…Fireman’s Carry to Pete Fyle…Big Oil drops him down on the chair! Big Electric breaks the STF and hits Fyle with a bodyblock, what a move! Big Oil applies a headlock… BOOM! DDT!
[Blue Dog D hits Big Electric with a back fist. Fyle makes it back to his corner and tags in Charlie Ranck.]
Johnny Suave – Ranck hits a running forearm smash on Big Oil. Fyle hits Big Oil with a flying senton. Ranck has an object! HOLY CRAP! Ranck cuts Big Oil with the object! Big Oil is busted open again. HERE COMES FYLE!
[Big Oil gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Pete Fyle. Ranck hits a frog splash on Big Oil. Ranck is back on his feet. Ranck climbs to the top of the turnbuckle.]
Johnny Suave – Diving headbutt on Big Oil! Ranck and Fyle lift up the big guy. WATCH OUT!
[Ranck and Fyle piledrive Big Oil to the mat.]
Johnny Suave – PILEDRIVER! PILEDRIVER!
[Ranck knees Big Oil and rolls back to his feet. Ranck with a leg drop. Big Electric runs in. Ranck tackles Big Electric. Ranck hits the flying legdrop across Big Electric's neck. Ranck hits Big Oil with an elbowdrop. ]
Johnny Suave – Blue Dog D back in the ring. Ranck stomps away at Big Oil. Blue Dog D leaps.
[Blue Dog D leaps up, swings around Ranck and DDT's him. ]
Johnny Suave – What a move by Blue Dog D. Now he sets the chair on Big Oil… leg drop on the chair and Big Oil!! Now wait…here comes RINO!
[RINO goes off the top and hits a flying sitdown splash on Ranck.]
Johnny Suave – HOLY CRAP! Now Blue Dog D goes off the top and nails Big Oil with a flying elbow drop to the gut. RINO with a chair!
[Blue Dog D drop kicks the chair into Big Oil's face. He hooks the leg. Keels makes the count...1...2...3. ]
Johnny Suave – Public Utilities is out!
Kimber Marshall – Public Utilities have been eliminated.
[Ranck executes a corkscrew legdrop on Blue Dog D. Ranck flips onto him. ]
Johnny Suave – Blue Dog D takes a flip. Cover…no. Easy kick out by Blue Dog D.
[Blue Dog D tags in RINO. RINO lariats Ranck. Blue Dog D follows with a flying knee drop.]
Johnny Suave – Flying knee drop sucks the air out of Charlie Ranck!
[Ranck pushes RINO away and leaps to tag in Pete Fyle. Fyle from the top rope drops RINO with a missile drop kick. Ranck with a flying knee drop right to RINO's gut. Blue Dog D in. Ranck lariats Blue Dog D. Fyle with a diving elbow smash to RINO. Fyle with a second diving elbow smash on RINO. Ranck pulls RINO up by the hair. ]
Johnny Suave – RINO in a bit of trouble now. Ranck and Fyle having got him in the wrong part of Dodge.
[Ranck and Fyle alternate chops to the Wonk Machine RINO. RINO suddenly lariats both men and runs across the ring to make the tag to Blue Dog D. Blue Dog D punches Ranck. Blue Dog D punches Fyle. Blue Dog D clotheslines Ranck. RINO hits a running neckbreaker drop on Fyle. ]
Johnny Suave – RINO’s IN AND HE’S PISSED…AND HE’S GOT FYLE UP AND IN A BAD, BAD WAY!
[RINO flattens Fyle with a running powerbomb to the mat.]
Johnny Suave – RINO gets out of the ring. Blue Dog D tags him right back in. Ranck tags in Pete Fyle.
[RINO attacks immediately and hits Fyle with an exploder suplex. Fyle tries to tag in Ranck by RINO drags him across the ring to the opposite corner. Ranck in. RINO slaps Ranck hard and sends him reeling. RINO sends Fyle to the corner of the ring. Fyle staggers out and RINO chops him down. RINO makes the tag to Blue Dog D. Blue Dog D has a chair. *CLANG* Fyle down! Ranck back in. *CLANG* Ranck down. Blue Dog D covers. Davey Keels counts the pin. ...1 ...2 Fyle escapes. ]
Johnny Suave – That was close! Blue Dog D nearly got the win.
[PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka and Reika runs down.]
Johnny Suave – IT’S TANAKA! TANAKA GRABS BLUE DOG D AND SENDS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE! RINO IN. TANAKA CHOPS HIM DOWN.
[Ringside, Reika chokes Blue Dog D with a microphone cable.]
Johnny Suave – REIKA’S CHOKING BLUE DOG D OUT! AND HERE COMES SARAHPAC!
['The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin, Hunter the Hunter, and Grizzly Adam race down. Hunter the Hunter uses a running lariat to take Fyle down. Palin whacks Reika with a hockey stick. Palin and Reika fight into the aisle.]
Johnny Suave – This one’s starting to get out of hand.
[Tanaka is choking RINO over the top rope. Pete Fyle is back on his feet and moves back to the ring. Hunter the Hunter pulls Tanaka off RINO and they start brawling. Tanaka lariats Hunter the Hunter. Blue Dog D crawls back in. RINO bounces Pete Fyle off the ropes and hits him with a backdrop. Grizzly Adam attacks Tanaka now. Blue Dog D clotheslines Fyle.]
Johnny Suave – Blue Dog D with a swinging bulldog on Pete Fyle. Blue Dog D covers…1 …2 …3. THAT’S IT!
Crowd – RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kimber Marshall – The winners of this match at eighteen minutes and thirty-six seconds, The Bipartisan Dream Team- Blue Dog D and RINO!!!
Johnny Suave – An incredible win for the Bipartisan Dream Team. Back with more after this…
———————-
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Yamamoto Tanaka (Independent)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION:Ken Worth-American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jack and Jim Schmidt (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)
SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Khalid-El (Axis of Evil)
#2- ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism (Progressive Alliance)
#3- Kevin Scott (American Heartland Coalition)
#4- SNAFU (American Heartland Coalition)
#5- Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (Independent)
#6- Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (American Heartland Coalition)
#2- Big Oil and Big Electric (Public Utilities)
#3- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (American Patriots)
#4- The Goatbusters (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
#5- Midnite Rockin’ Xpress- Bobby Ricky Michaels/Marty Gibson-Lane (Old School Kings)
#6- Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (American Patriots)
—————————
Upcoming PCW Events:
Wednesday March 31st @ Erie, PA- Tullio Arena
Friday April 2nd @ Rochester, NY- Blue Cross Arena
Saturday April 3rd @ Albany, NY- Times Union Center
Monday April 5th @ Concord, NH- Douglas N. Everett Arena
Friday April 9th @ Roanoke, Va- Roanoke Civic Center
Saturday April 10th @ Bristol, TN- Viking Hall Civic Center
Monday April 12th @ Pikeville, KY- Eastern Kentucky Exposition Center
Friday April 16th @ Huntington WVA – Big Sandy Superstore Arena
Saturday April 17th @ Corbin, KY – The Arena at Southeastern Kentucky Agricultural and Expo Complex
Monday April 19th @ Dayton, OH – Hara Arena
—————————-
Club Voyeur in West Hollywood
[Republican Leader Michael Steele and Republican Donor Erik Brown stand up. Brown hides.]
Michael Steele – Whoa. Wait. This isn’t what you think. This is not a lesbian dance and strip club. This is…the legends of dance club. See?
[Steele begins to Riverdance a la Michael Flatley- Lord of the Dance.]
Johnny Suave – Okay, I don’t know what is more offensive here.
——————————–
Backstage
[Nancy Pelosi goes up to newcomer Charlie Blackwell with his valet Kenzie Blair.]
Nancy Pelosi – Blackwell. Here’s your chance to prove yourself. You…and the PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka against the former PCW Tag Team Champions Chris Escondido and Kevin Scott. What do you say?
[Blackwell looks at Kenzie. Kenzie nods.]
Charlie Blackwell – Okay.
Johnny Suave – HOLY CRAP! The new guy, Charlie Blackwell, joining forces with the PCW Champion against Escondido and Scott. Coming up next.
————————
REPLAY: PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka vs. PCW Television Champion Ken Worth- The American Trucker
[Tanaka pulls the Television Champion up and punches him repeatedly. AT tries for a double underhook...Tanaka pushes him down. Now Tanaka hooks Worth in a double underhook...TIGER DRIVER! TIGER DRIVER! Tanaka is simply overpowering The American Trucker right now. Baba chop by Tanaka. Spinning leg lariat by Tanaka sends AT to the mat. Very agile move for the six foot nine Tanaka. Reika Kisurgi throws a table into the ring. This can't be good for the American Trucker. The table is set...Tanaka lifts Wort up...Tequila Sheila in the ring! Reika tackles her. CAT-FIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!
[Tanaka hits Inverted DDT and puts AT through the table.]
Crowd – PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…
Johnny Suave – TANAKA JUST DESTROYED WORTH! HOLY CRAP!
[Reika hits Tequila Sheila with the back of her elbow. Tequila Sheila rakes Reika's face.]
Johnny Suave – Tanaka takes Ken Worth up to the top turnbuckle…
[On the top of the ringpost, Worth is bent forward, Tanaka grabs around his midsection and latches onto Worth's back. Tanaka pushes off the mat with his legs to flip him over and lands in a seated position driving the Television Champion's head down to the mat.]
Johnny Suave – JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER! JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER!
MATCH #2
Yamamoto Tanaka w/Reika (Democrat) and Charlie Blackwell (??)
vs. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Kevin Scott (American Heartland Coalition)
Kimber Marshall – This next match is a one fall, twenty minute time limit. . Led to the ring at this time by Reika- the team of Yamamoto Tanaka and Charlie Blackwell!!!
[Reika, Tanaka, and Blackwell come to the ring. ]
Kimber Marshall – And their opponents, accompanied by former PCW Champion and Hall of Famer Justin Sufferable, the team of ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Kevin Scott.
[Sufferable, Escondido, and Scott walk to the ring.]
Johnny Suave – TANAKA AND BLACKWELL VERSUS ESCONDIDO AND SCOTT!
[(the bell rings)]
Johnny Suave – Scott and Blackwell to start. Scott in control. Guillotine choke on Charlie Blackwell. Referee Davey Keels makes him break the hold.
[Scott rolls onto Blackwell connecting with a knee. American Citizen tags in 'No Frills' Chris Escondido. American Citizen executes a corkscrew legdrop on Blackwell. American Citizen measures Blackwell and drops a closed fist. Blackwell clotheslines American Citizen and makes the tag to Yamamoto Tanaka. Escondido clotheslines Tanaka. Tanaka pokes Escondido in the eye with his thumb. Tanaka kicks Escondido in the stomach. Scott tosses in an open chair. Escondido hits a drop toe hold onto the open chair!! Tanaka's busted open above the left eye. He makes the tag to Charlie Blackwell. Tanaka suplexes Escondido. Tanaka clotheslines Escondido. Blackwell slips in. He hits the sidewalk slam on Escondido.]
Johnny Suave – Escondido is being double teamed by the unlikely pair of Tanaka and Blackwell! But he slips away. Tanaka retreats to his corner.
[Blackwell gets hit with a dragon screw from Escondido. Escondido puts the chair on Blackwell's body...'Escondido climbs up top...Splash onto the chair!! The ref starts the count. ...1 Blackwell kicks out. Blackwell tries for a fireman's carry; Escondido slips out. Blackwell makes the tag to Tanaka. Tanaka throws Escondido out of the ring and follows. Blackwell sets up a table. Tanaka lifts Escondido...inverted DDT thru the table! Tanaka gets up and rolls Escondido back into the ring. He makes the cover. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. ...1 ...2 'No Frills' Chris Escondido escapes. ]
Johnny Suave – Escondido somehow kicked out! Tanaka is not happy right now.
[Tanaka brings in Charlie Blackwell. Escondido gets a chair from Scott and drills Blackwell with it. Escondido dropkicks Blackwell right out of the ring!]
Johnny Suave – Blackwell dazed as he landed hard on the floor. HERE COMES ESCONDIDO!
[Escondido dives through the ropes and spears Blackwell.]
Johnny Suave – HOLY CRAP!
[Kevin Scott over...he hits a springboard bulldog and slams Blackwell's head onto the floor. Scott locks in the American Stars and Fuji Armbar.
Johnny Suave - Kevin Scott is not the legal man.
[Kenzie Blair over and whaps Scott in the head with her 'Wrestling Manager for Dummies' book and breaks the hold. ]
Johnny Suave – Blair with the save! I wonder if the book told her to do that. Scott throws Blackwell back into the ring and Escondido greets him with a front facelock. Now Escondido lifts up the youngster…FACEBUSTER!
[Escondido rolls Blackwell over. Reika jumps up on the top rope. Guillotine leg drop on Escondido. ]
Johnny Suave – REIKA WITH THE SAVE AND SHE NEARLY DECAPITATES ESCONDIDO!
[Sufferable in the ring with a Singapore cane. *WHAP* Reika goes down like a rock. ]
Johnny Suave – SUFFERABLE JUST CANED THE CRAP OUT OF REIKA! WAIT! WHAT IS NANCY PELOSI DOING OUT HERE?
[Pelosi goes over to the guy with the Reagan sign and rips it away from him. Escondido sees this and goes over to the edge of the ring and starts yelling at Pelosi. Pelosi rips the sign up in half. Tanaka sneaks in behind Escondido and then lariats the hell out of him. Escondido flips over the top rope and lands hard on the floor.]
Johnny Suave – ESCONDIDO IS DOWN! HE NEVER SAW TANAKA COMING AND GOT WALLOPED OUT TO THE FLOOR! TANAKA HAS KEVIN SCOTT BY THE THROAT!
[Charlie Blackwell looks at Tanaka, then at Scott. Then he winds up with his foot and kicks Tanaka in the balls from behind.]
Johnny Suave – BLACKWELL TURNED ON TANAKA! BLACKWELL TURNED ON TANAKA!
[Blackwell grabs Tanaka and cinches in the Katahajime. He gets Tanaka off his feet on and on the mat.]
Johnny Suave – TAZZMISSION! THE KATAHAJIME! BLACKWELL’S GOT TANAKA. HE’S FADING! REIKA’S ON THE CORNER TURNBUCKLE!
[Reika missile dropkicks Blackwell in the face and sends him flat on his back. Kenzie Blair in the ring with her book- 'Wrestling Manager for Dummies.' She winds up and whaps Reika in the head with the book.]
Johnny Suave – REIKA’S DOWN! REIKA’S DOWN!
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
[The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.]
Policeman – Ms. Berg. It’s time.
[Jill Berg and her five bodyguards stride out from her dressing room with a purpose.]
Johnny Suave – IT’S JILL-BERG! SHE’S GOT A SCORE TO SETTLE WITH REIKA FOR SELLING OUT TO THE DEMOCRATS FOR TANAKA’S SERVICES!
[Jill climbs into the ring and tells her bodyguards to hold Reika up. Two bodyguards pull her from the mat and stand her up. Jill takes a step forward and whirls around- nailing a spinning heel kick flush on Reika's jaw. Reika slides to the mat unconscious.]
Johnny Suave – JILL-BERG JUST KO’D HER FORMER ASSOCIATE REIKA!
[Escondido climbs back into the ring. Scott crawls over to Tanaka. Escondido grabs a leg and flips over Tanaka.]
Johnny Suave – CATTLE MUTULATION! CATTLE MUTULATION! AND NOW SCOTT SLAPS ON THE AMERICAN STARS AND FUJIBAR ARMBAR! TANAKA TAPS OUT! THAT’S IT!
Crowd – RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Scott, Escondido, Blackwell, Blair and Jill-Berg stand victorious in the ring. Pelosi is throwing a fit outside the ring.]
Posted on December 6, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling
*flute and clarinet flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a mildly enthusiastic ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Also joining Obama this morning are Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.
Obama announces that PCW in conjunction with Missouri Valley Wrestling is in the midsts of negotiations concerning a new joint program to begin in January to take the place of the Wednesday House Show…Show syndicated program. Obama apologized for not having any more details at this time. He also reported on the ongoing PCW Health Insurance battle. Obama: “I am confident that with the help and leadership of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and…and…who are you?” Man: “I am Tariq, this is my wife Michaele Saladi. Can we get a picture with you?” Obama: “Um…sure.” A photographer appears and snaps a quick shot of the couple with CEO Obama. Man: “Thanks.” They depart. Obama: “Who let them in here?” Neither Pelosi or Reid knows.
Suave: “PCW in negotiations for a new show? The health insurance battle rages on. And strange people showing up to get their picture taken with the CEO. Let’s get back to the ring.”
MATCH #2
Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (Independent) vs. Bobby Ricky Michaels (Old School Kings) vs. Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
Kimber Marshall in the ring for the announcements. Kimber: “This match is a three…way…dance! The winner gets a shot at the PCW Television Title. Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Rose City, MI, he is PCW’s LATEST Rookie Sensation- Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych!”
Ridfych comes to the ring to a nice ovation.
Kimber: “Our second contestant in this three way match, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Tuscaloosa, AL, he is a member of Old School Kings and accompanied to the ring by Marty Gibson-Lane and PCW’s Manager of Champions Dr. Bill, Bobby Ricky Michaels!”
To a ringing chorus of boos, Michaels, Gibson-Lane, and Dr. Bill walk to the ring.
Kimber: “And last but not least, weighing in at 200 pounds, from Alamogordo, New Mexico, he is a proud member of American Patriots and accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Newt Tron Bomb!”
N-Bomb and Daisy run to the ring. He slides in and all three men immediately go at it. Kimber barely gets out of the ring and the bell sounds. Ridfych tosses Michaels from the ring. N-Bomb chops Ridfych. N-Bomb short lariats Ridfych. Ridfych rakes the face of N-Bomb. N-Bomb tries for a belly-to-back suplex but is unable to lift Ridfych. Ridfych pokes N-Bomb in the eyes. N-Bomb trys for a side slam but is not strong enough to lift Ridfych.N-Bomb locks Ridfych in the kneebar. Davey Keels asks Ridfych if he quits. Ridfych fights the hold and escapes. On the floor, SNAFU and Dawn McGill attack Michaels. Reverse neckbreaker by SNAFU. Gibson-Lee runs over. McGill kicks him in the groin with her 4 inch stilettos. SNAFU stomps Michaels’s head. Dr. Bill runs over. HE gets kicked in the groin by McGill’s stilettos. SNAFU and Gibson-Lee fight up the aisle.
Back in the ring, Ridfych bounces N-Bomb off the ropes and faceslams him onto the mat. Ridfych goes for a pin. The ref starts the count. …1 N-Bomb escapes. N-Bomb gets back to his feet. N-Bomb trys for a atomic drop but Ridfych blocks. N-Bomb throws Ridfych to the floor. N-Bomb goes for a bridging back suplex but Ridfych blocks. Ridfych gets thrown into the steel barricade. N-Bomb comes over and smashes Ridfych’s head into it. He’s busted open. N-Bomb executes a swinging bulldog on Ridfych driving Ridfych’s face into the floor. All of a sudden, Bobby Ricky Michaels is back in the match and clobbers N-Bomb from behind. N-Bomb gets sent into the steel barricade. Michaels follows with a splash. Daisy Cutter-Bomb is hiding behind the corner post, then levels Michaels with a clothesline. Michaels tries to fight back, but Daisy steps forward into a sitout powerbomb. Now she throws Michaels back in the ring and follows. Sets…and nails the Daisy Cutter Powerbomb.
Suave: “Action all over the place! I figured SNAFU and Dawn McGill might be gunning for Dr. Bill but Daisy Cutter-Bomb just took the starch right out of Michaels. Good news for Newt Tron Bomb; bad news for PCW’s Manager of Champions Dr. Bill.”
N-Bomb scrambles into the ring for the cover. 1…2…3.
ELIMINATED: Bobby Ricky Michaels
Down to N-Bomb versus Ridfych. Hiptoss executed by N-Bomb lucha-libre style. Bomb flies from the turnbuckle with an elbowdrop. N-Bomb Russian Leg Sweeps Ridfych. Now he turns and sticks his butt in Ridfych’s face.
Suave: “N-Bomb is going for his finisher- The Silent But Deadly! Where the hell is my gas mask?”
Wait! Rahm Emanuel of the Progressive Alliance slides into the ring. N-Bomb doesn’t see him. F-BOMB to N-Bomb! Daisy in now. Two more in the ring. New Progressive Alliance wrestlers Paddy O’Kennedy- the Boston Strangler and Mark Ditka - the Chicago Brawler. O’Kennedy puts Daisy in a sleeper hold. Ditka whips N-Bomb into the corner and then viciously lariats him. N-Bomb stumbles out and collapses. The PA leave. Ridfych crawls over for the cover. 1…2…3.
Kimber Marshall into the ring. Kimber: “The winner of this three way dance at nine minutes and twenty-one seconds- PCW’s LATEST Rookie Sensation- Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych!”
Suave: “HUGE win for Ridfych. Michael Steele, leader of the American Patriots, to the ring and he is furious at the Progressive Alliance. He feels N-Bomb was going to win the match and the title shot next week at Night of Champions.”
‘The Manchester Masterpiece’ Brooke Evans vs. Caroline Kelly -Evans returns for her first match since being injured at the Lock and Load PPV. She’s already made her presence felt to MVW Television Champion Carrieanne McDermott this week. Kelly looking for a big win to boost her standing since coming over from Dream Wrestling Federation. Evans looking for another crack at McDermott at Night of Champions.
Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe vs. VIP Brin and Sky
-James and Rowe benefited the most from Kirsta Lewis’s time here at Missouri Valley Wrestling. Brin and Sky are no pushover. A win here would put James and Rowe in position for a Tag Team Television title shot.
Jill-Berg vs. Amy Mason -Berg has her sights set on Miss USA. Amy Mason is trying to make a name for herself here in MVW. Berg and Mason have met before in Dream so they’ll be more than familiar with each other.
All this and more, this Sunday at MVWA 16.
——————————-
‘Straight Talkin’ John McCain of the American Patriots out to talk with Suave. McCain is ‘madder’ than he’s ever been over the waste of money in PCW. Suave: “Do you support that plan (Obama’s)? McCain: “Hell no.” Suave: ”I don’t think you have to swear at me when I’m just asking a…” McCain: “Is this not ******* PCW? You’re damn right I’m going to ******** swear I would have had to have been smoking something pretty strong to vote for that outrageous use of worker’s dollars.” McCain added “There’s not a lot of happy people out there, so you see tea parties, and you see people who are madder than they’ve ever been in their life. And frankly, I’m madder than I’ve ever been.”
General R.C. Patton in the back with A-Bomb and H-Bomb. Patton warns the Progressive Alliance that if they send Emanuel out again to sabotage their match that he will declare war. Patton: “Americans love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. Americans play to win at all times. I wouldn’t give a hoot and hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Americans have never lost nor ever lose a war. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!”
Suave: “Some interesting metaphors from General R.C. Patton.”
MATCH 3 Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army) vs. A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and General R.C. Patton (American Patriots)
Wake up! Wake up!
Good morning America!
Rise and Shine.
Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions
Jack Schett and Bull Schett come to the ring as Kimber Marshall does the introductions. Kimber: “On the way to the ring at this time, accompanied by Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schauzer, Jack and Bull Schett!”
*Air raid sirens start going off*
Kimber: “Their opponents, from Alamogordo, New Mexico, accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb and General R.C. Patton- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb!”
The Bomb Brothers hit the ring and attack. Suave: “No waiting for the bell on this one either!” H-Bomb and Jack Schett roll out of the ring and continue to brawl on the floor. A-Bomb grabs a headlock on Bull Schett but is unable to make him budge with shoulder blocks. Bull hits a big forearm, A-Bomb tries a hip block takeover but Bull lifts him up in a fireman’s carry, A-Bomb escapes, dodges and weaves and hits a leaping heel kick. A-Bomb hits a big chop but Bull levels him with a single shoulder block. Bull hits a scoop slam but misses a double foot stomp because A-Bomb is too quick. Jack Schett tags in and loses a forearm duel with A-Bomb, misses a clothesline and A-Bomb hits a big boot before tagging in H-Bomb. H-Bomb comes in with a crossbody for two. Jack has a little more luck exchanging strikes with H-Bomb, but H-Bomb leaps over him and comes back with a spinning wheel kick. He knocks Bull off the apron and tags back out, and both Bombs hit a double 3-Point Stance on Jack. A-Bomb wins a chop war with Jack and tags out to H-Bomb. He hits a Russian Legsweep and H-Bomb hits a senton off the second rope for two.
H-Bomb hits a flurry of strikes but runs into a huge elbow. Jack tags out and Bull takes some strikes from H-Bomb, Jack lifts up H-Bomb and then falls too early on the leg lariat. Bull pounds away on H-Bomb instead. Jack hits a corner clothesline and he and Bull hit a backbreaker legdrop combination on H-Bomb. A-Bomb breaks up Bull’s cover. The Schett’s use rapid tags and flurries of punches to stay in control. Bull hits a back suplex and tags out to Jack. Jack whips H-Bomb to the apron but H-Bomb comes out with a forearm off the second turnbuckle. HOT TAG TO A-BOMB! A-Bomb knocks Bull off the apron and hits a flurry of strikes and a dropkick on Jack. He wants the Death Valley Driver but Jack escapes only to be caught with a yakuza kick. Bull breaks up the cover and the Schett’s beat A-Bomb down. Bull whips Jack for a corner clothesline but A-Bomb saw it earlier and counters with a big boot. Bull runs into the reverse STO in the turnbuckle, and A-Bomb throws Jack to the floor. Cactus clothesline on Bull! Jack joins in on the brawl and H-Bomb hits a hilo on everyone. A-Bomb clotheslines Jack. Bull then eats a reverse neckbreaker. Daisy Cutter-Bomb lays out a chair. H-Bomb grabs Bull…Gut Wrench Suplex on the chair!
Suave: “Exactly what I’d thought we see. Total insanity. Oh crap! Who let the dog out?”
Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schauzer suddenly races around the corner and leaps at H-Bomb. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” H-Bomb lets out a scream as the dog’s jaw clenches tight on his balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb grabs a chair. *CLANG* She whacks the dog with the chair and knocks him out. Horst Schett comes flying in and grabs Daisy from behind. Belly to back suplex on the floor. Hold on…more company coming. Peta from PETA leads the Green World Order (Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, and PeaceNick) down. Peta, presumably angry at Daisy’s treatment of Hans Grubers, stomps away at her. General R.C. Patton arrives to help Daisy and snaps his horsewhip on Peta. Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete then attack the General.
Back in the ring, A-Bomb grabs Jack and applies an arm wrench. Jack makes the tag to Bull. Jack tackles A-Bomb. Bull springboard DDT’s A-Bomb onto the mat! Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex sends A-Bomb onto the chair by Jack!! A-Bomb gouges Jack’s eyes and tags in H-Bomb. Armdrag takedown by H-Bomb who tags A-Bomb back in. Bull punches A-Bomb repeatedly. Bull picks up a chair….and slams it into A-Bomb’s face! A-Bomb is busted open! Bull climbs to the top of the turnbuckle…diving headbutt on A-Bomb. A-Bomb get whipped into the corner and Bull follows him in with an avalanche. A-Bomb gets sent into the opposite turnbuckle and Bull hits him with a splash. Bull executes a springboard bulldog, slamming A-Bomb’s head onto the mat. Bull sets up a chair…hooks both of A-Bomb’s arms…Double Arm DDT on the open chair! Bull climbs to the top turnbuckle. Jack sticks a brick in the back of his trunks. Bull turns and…SCHETT BRICK! SCHETT BRICK! A-Bomb busted open! Cover. Davey Keels counts…1 …2 H-Bomb tries to make the save but Jack cuts him off. …3
Kimber Marshall in. Kimber: “The winners at ten minutes and fifteen seconds and new number one contenders for the PCW Tag Team titles. JACK and BULL SCHETT!”
Suave: “THE SCHETTS HAVE BEEN IN A BIT OF A SLUMP! NOT TONIGHT. THEY WILL MEET FELLOW POLITICAL WRESTLING INDEPENDENTS ’NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO AND ‘AMERICAN CITIZEN’ KEVIN SCOTT FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM TITLE!”
Post match, Rahm Emanuel, Mark Ditka, and Paddy O’Kennedy run-in. Emanuel lays out A-Bomb with an F-Bomb. Ditka and O’Kennedy double team H-Bomb. Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete hold Daisy Cutter-Bomb down on the floor facing down while Peta from PETA whips her with General Patton’s horse whip. Finally, ‘Peasant with a Pitchfork’ T-Bag and the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade come to the rescue and run the Progressive Alliance and GWO off.
——————–
And now, a musical interlude…
It’s the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin at the Gridiron Club.
Palin (singing to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas): “On the first day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: A Marxist in a dead tree.
On the second day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the third day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Seven bug-eyed birthers, Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the eight day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Eight Cheney boomlets, Seven bug-eyed birthers, Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Nine ACORN busters, Eight Cheney boomlets, Seven bug-eyed birthers, Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Ten thundering mossbacks, Nine ACORN busters, Eight Cheney boomlets, Seven bug-eyed birthers, Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Eleven loony liberals, Ten thundering mossbacks, Nine ACORN busters, Eight Cheney boomlets, Seven bug-eyed birthers, Six health care death squads, Fiiiiiive…Sarah swoon-ins! Four bawling Becks, Three hell-no’s, Two tea-bag goons, and a Marxist in a dead tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: twelve flaming liberals, hunted down in the wild and field dressed, medium well-done, seared on the fatty edges, right next to the mashed potatoes…and a Marxist in a dead treeeeeeeeeee.”
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The Alaska Pitbull’s new book is called ‘Going Rogue.’ Click here to go to Amazon’s web site to look.
And while you’re there (cheap plug…cheap plug…) check out this book as well. Loose Cannons
There are some books you curl up with on a warm couch to read.
This isn’t one of them.
Released just in time for the presidential election but stil relevant in today’s dysfunctional political atmosphere, Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction is an independent call to arms, a rowdy, hard-hitting, no holds barred satire that finally puts politics in proper perspective- by equating it to professional wrestling. Or in other terms, it’s a book you can crack open a six of beer and crank up the music to enjoy a humorous and occasionally biting political satire.
A dark cloud has covered the American political landscape. The powerful forces of professional partisans, political operatives, and special interest groups have combined to polarize the electorate into two bitterly divided extreme camps while many people tune out of the political process altogether.
However, DeWayne Cantrell isn’t like most people.
Co-owner with Bubba Jackson of the world’s only political pro wrestling federation, Buckland County Extreme Wrestling, DeWayne, a reformed politician himself, skewers the political world on a weekly basis on the BCEW wrestling show. But when powerful United States Senator David Hutchinson gets wind of what Cantrell is doing, DeWayne finds himself being subpoenaed to appear before a Senate sub-committee on the ‘Media and Their Contribution to the Coarseness of the American Culture.’ It is only after a heated exchange with Senator Hutchinson at the contentious hearing that DeWayne realizes that it’s no joke anymore.
Cantrell then throws his hat into the political ring and challenges Hutchinson for his Senate seat. Can DeWayne stand up for the little guy against the establishment of both political parties and stick it to the Washington D.C. elites? To what lengths will the professional politicians and their special interest groups go to stop him?
And will American politics ever be the same?
NOTE: We’d like to reassure everyone that no actual American Congressman, Senator, President, aides, political pundits, know-it-all celebrity political pundits, pompous cable TV personalities, right wing or left wing talk show hosts, reality show contestants, Weather Channel personalities, or skanky rich bimbos were injured in the making of this book.
FYI, several current PCW characters are in Loose Cannons including Johnny Sauve, Dawn McGill, Justin Sufferable, Chris Escondido, Starz N. Stripes aka Kevin Scott and many more.
Posted on September 24, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling
9/23-PCW Extreme Political TV- Part 3
MAIN EVENT:
Big Oil with Texas Tex and Rough Justice aka…D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers who lost their jobs due to their extreme method of law enforcement (American Patriots) vs.
‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes with Rahm-bo Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “We are back and ready for tonight’s main event. The winner of this match becomes the new number one contender for the PCW title.”
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring yet again for the introductions. Charlene Ann: “And now, it’s time for our main event! In this corner, weighing in at 325 pounds, he is from Houston, Texas and accompanied by Texas Tex, Rough Justice, and Michael Steele-the leader of the American Patriots, he is…Big Oil!!!
(crowd boos ***)
Big Oil shoots an obscene gesture back at the crowd.
Charlene Ann: “And in this corner, weighing in at 245 pounds, from Ottumwa, Iowa, accompanied by Rahm Emanuel and Nancy Pelosi of the Progressive Alliance, he is a former PCW Champion- Starz N. Stripes!!!
(crowd cheers **)
(ring, ring, ring)
Suave: “And there’s the bell. Big Oil chops Starz right away. Starz has a front facelock…Big Oil just uses his strength and powers out.” Big Oil places his head side by side with Starz under each other’s shoulder. He uses his free hand to grab hold of Starz’s far hand and swings over and down in a semi-circular motion to the ground. The back of Starz’s neck impacts on Big Oil’s shoulder. He covers. Starz kicks out at two. Starz tries to counter with a backslide. Big Oil merely tosses him to the ropes. Starz comes off the ropes leading with his right elbow. Suave: “ROARING ELBOW! HE TOTALLY CAUGHT BIG OIL BY SURPRISE!” Big Oil moves forwards, clasps both hands together, and clubs Starz on the noggin with a double axe handle smash. Starz staggers away and holds the ropes to stay upright. Big Oil takes hold of Starz by the hair. He leans him forward and uses his forearm and clenched fist to club Starz across the back of his or her head. Then Big Oil lights him up with chops. He whips him cross corner and hits a running corner clothesline. Suave: “BIG OIL IS BEATING STARZ FROM PILLAR TO POST!”
Big Oil uses his big right hand to reach back and grab Starz from behind the head, pulling Starz’s head above Big Oil’s shoulder. Suave: “Front facelock by Big Oil and he’s using his weight advantage to try and wear Starz down.” The big guy locks his arms around Starz’s waist and lifts him up. Then he flings Starz down with great force. Suave: “GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB! BIG OIL COVERS! ONE…TWO…NO!” Starz somehow kicks out.
Outside the ring, Nancy Pelosi angrily gestures to Rahm Emanuel. Suave: “Pelosi not happy about how this match is going so far.” On the other side, American Patriot leader Michael Steele seems pleased. Big Oil slips both arms underneath Starz’s armpits and locks his hands behind his neck. Suave: “FULL NELSON!” Pelosi gets on her cell phone. Suave: “STARZ IS IN BIG TROUBLE NOW! BIG OIL HAS THE FULL NELSON LOCKED IN!” ‘No Frill’s’ Chris Escondido, ‘Not Just Intolerable. Not Just Unbearable. He is…’ Justin Sufferable with Singapore cane, and ‘Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism run down. Suave: “HERE COMES THE CALVARY!” Big Oil drops Starz and decks Escondido with a right hand. *THWACK* Sufferable drills Big Oil with a Singapore cane. Chism clips out the leg. Rough Justice now inside the ring to assist Big Oil. Ruff tackles Chism and both men start flailing at each other. Justice has a taser. *ZZZZAP* Down goes Escondido. Suave: “NOW IT’S EMANUEL IN THE RING!” Emanuel grabs Ruff. He jumps level to Ruff’s head while parallel to the ground, applied a three-quarter facelock, and slams Ruff’s head to the mat. Suave: “F-BOMB! F-BOMB!” Emanuel grabs Justice and repeats. Suave: “F-BOMB TO JUSTICE! EMANUEL OVER TO BIG OIL…NO! OKLAHOMA DRILLER BY BIG OIL AND HE SPIKED EMANUEL ON HIS HEAD!” Sufferable jumps on Big Oil’s back and slaps on the sleeper. Suave: “SLEEPER HOLD! SUFFERABLE HAS THE SLEEPER ON BIG OIL!”
Outside the ring, Michael Steele watches helplessly as he does not have a cell phone with him. Steele wanders towards the ring. Chism’s valets- the Skanky Rich Bimbos Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, get in front of him and whip off their tops. Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!” Big Oil flips Sufferable over the top and he lands on Hilton and Richie taking them out. Big Oil grabs Starz by the throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Suave: “HE GOT IT! CHOKESLAM! BIG OIL GOING FOR THE COVER-”
*The beginning notes of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ begin to play*
Everything in the ring stops.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IS HE HERE! COULD IT BE?” A spotlight searches the bar. The crowd explodes when a plaid shirted man with a steel-folding chair and a mocha appears. Suave: “HE’S HERE! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE! THE ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!”
If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You’ll see things in a different way.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
A huge roar fills the hall when Gore appears with a white haired man. Suave: “AND BILL CLINTON IS HERE WITH HIM! HOLY CRAP!” the crowd sings: “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you’ve done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon and Clinton slowly make their way through the crowd. Clinton starts to run to the ring but Gore stops. He pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead while Clinton waits.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don’t believe that it’s true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Again, Gore on the move. They reach the floor around the ring. Clinton breaks for the ring but Gore pulls out yet another container of mocha and Bill has to wait again. Gore guzzles it down and spews it into the crowd before crushing the container on his forehead.
Starz low bridges Big Oil from behind. Suave: “STARZ HAS A CHAIR! *CLANG* DOWN GOES BIG OIL! DOWN GOES BIG OIL! COVER. ONE. TWO. THREE! STARZ HAS DONE IT!”
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring. Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match and the NEW number one contender for the PCW Title- STARZ N. STRIPES!” Pelosi climbs in the ring and holds Starz’s arm up. Suave: “It’ll be Starz N. Stripes versus the Hollywood A-Lister for the PCW Championship next week.”
Posted on June 14, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling
Team Progressive Alliance (PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes) vs. Team American Patriots + 1 (A. Tom Bomb, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Television Champion SNAFU)
Team SarahPAC (NRA, Grizzly Adam, Hunter the Hunter, and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen) vs. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers (‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke, Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, and Jimmy from SoCal- the Jim Rome wannbe)
Team American Heartland Coalition (Average Joe, American Trucker, Tequila Sheila, and Dave the Mechanic) vs. The Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, Peta from PETA, and PeaceNick)
—————–
Concerto for Trumpet, no. 2 by Johann Melchior Molter (1696-1765) plays as an introduction…
Stuffy Announcer Type: “And now, it’s time for Political Championship Wrestling on P-SPAN. Tonight’s program was taped last night at Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn in Chelsea, Michigan.”
David Letterman is in the ring. Letterman: “Look, I’d like Sarah and Willow Palin to come out so we can clear all this up right now.” ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, hockey stick in hand, and her daughter, Willow, come out and join him in the ring. Letterman: “All right. I’m telling you, I recognize that these are ugly. These are actually ugly. These are borderline … but again, in an act of desperation to get cheap laughs, which is what I’ve been doing for the last 30 years. These are not jokes made about your 14-year-old daughter. I would never, never make jokes about raping or having sex of any description with a 14-year-old girl.” Palin’s expression doesn’t change. Letterman: “If I’m guilty of anything, I’m guilty of bad taste. Can we all just move on? Look, you can come on my show and just…move on.”
Sarah Palin: “Well, David. I’ll decline giving you a ratings boost by coming on your show. As for your apology…what do you think Willow?” She hands the mic to her daughter. Willow: “Kick his ass, Mom.” *THWACK* Palin breaks the hockey stick over Letterman’s head. Letterman staggers and falls to the canvas. Willow runs up and kicks him in the groin. She covers.
MATCH #1
WILLOW PALIN w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin vs. DAVID LETTERMAN
A referee jumps in the ring. One. Two. Three.
WINNER: WILLOW PALIN
——————–
PCW NEWSLINE with Gina Ramsey
Gina: “Hey y’all. Gina Ramsey here at PCW Control with a quick look at the week in PCW Political Wrestling…”
Fall Out From PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5 -A ‘For Sale’ sign appeared yesterday at what used to be the Domination Inc. Suite and it appears the corporation is headed for liquidation. With the loss of CFO Gordon Guyko and his group of wealthy investors, Domination Inc. looks dead in the water. The next question is what will happen to the remaining wrestlers under contract. Cadillac, Jaguar, Mercedes, and Porsche Lexus will wrestle tonight on PCW on P-SPAN. It looks like when all is said and done that the four will become free agents and available for groups to pick up.
-The hot rumor rolling around PCW is that ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann has asked PCW CEO Barack Obama for a bailout to keep Domination Inc. operating.
Gina: “I spoke with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein over the weekend and he confirms that Mr. McMann was turned down flat by PCW CEO Barack Obama. I would not count on any bailout for Domination Inc.
American Patriots Still In Disarray -A. Tom Bomb was upset over Rahm Emanuel’s interference in his title match against PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama Sunday night. He was furious at the American Patriots for not sending someone out to help him win the title. American Patriot Executive Director Michael Steele, ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, and the Straight Shooter John McCain got into a squabble backstage over who would do the run-in to help A-Bomb out. As the four argued, Rahm Emanuel was able to sneak in and drop an F-Bomb on Daisy Cutter-Bomb and then pulled Bahama over on top of A-Bomb to get the win.
Gina: “We’ll find out later on if the American Patriots are getting on the same page. A. Tom Bomb, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, and Independent PCW Television Champion SNAFU meet up against the Progressive Alliance (PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes) in an eight-person tag team match later on in the show.
KRC Named #5 in E-Wrestling Torch’s E-Wrestlers of the Week
Congratulations go out to the PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins for making the top 5 E-Wrestling Torch’s E-Wrestler of the week.
—————-
Charlene Ann Beckworth in the ring for introductions. Charlene Ann: “Our next match features the American Heartland Coalition versus The Green World Order.” Both teams are already in the ring and ready to rumble.
MATCH #2 TEAM AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALTION (Average Joe, American Trucker, Tequila Sheila, and Dave the Mechanic
vs.
THE GREEN WORLD ORDER’ (Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, Peta from PETA, and PeaceNick)
The bell rings. It starts with Brock Cole Lee and Average Joe. Lee shoves Average Joe into the corner. The referee gets distracted because the American Trucker races across the ring and blasts Lee with a forearm. GreenPete slips in and attacks Average Joe from behind. GreenPete delivers a series of stiff punches and then a kick to the sternum. Whip into the corner by GreenPete. He presses the attack with a huge haymaker that sends Average Joe reeling across the ring. American Trucker and Brock Cole Lee take their battle to the outside. Lee’s hurt but begins to fight back. American Trucker attempts a German Suplex but Lee flips out of it onto his feet. Spinning Russian Leg Sweep by Lee. Lee heaves the trucker back into the ring and goes for a pin. One…two…Dave the Mechanic breaks it up. Lee pulls Average Joe into his corner and officially tags in GreenPete.
GreenPete unloads right hands to Average Joe on the ropes. Irish Whip, Average Joe attempts a reverse but GreenPete kicks him in the gut. GreenPete tries a suplex but Dave the Mechanic in again and stops him with a knee strike. Dave whips GreenPete into the American Heartland corner. American Trucker and Average Joe work him over. Brock Cole Lee charges across the ring. AT and AJ duck out of the way and Lee catches GreenPete with a back elbow. Average Joe sets GreenPete up in the corner. AJ goes for the Splash but GreenPete evades it. GreenPete to the top turnbuckle. Tequila Sheila tries to distract him but Peta from PETA in and dropkicks off her off the apron. American Trucker leaps to the top rope, steadies and nails GreenPete with the Jake Brake to the mat! Average Joe covers. One…two…NO! Save by Brock Cole Lee.
American Trucker hits a reverse atomic drop on Lee. Peta in the ring and tries to direct AT’s attention away. Tequila Sheila slides in under the bottom rope and tackles Peta. CAT-FIIIIIIGHT. CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT! Average Joe pulls GreenPete up…AVERAGE SLAM! Cover. One…two…NO! Peta makes the save this time and gets tackled by Tequila Sheila again. PeaceNick in the ring for the first time. He choloforms Average Joe with a handkerchief and knocks him out. GreenPete covers. One…two…Dave the Mechanic makes the save. Tequila Sheila throws him a live pair of jumper cables…*ZZZZAP* GreenPete out. American Trucker rolls Average Joe on top. *ZZZAP* Dave the Mechanic takes out Brock Cole Lee… *ZZZZAP* …and PeaceNick. Tequila Sheila again tackles Peta from PETA. The referee counts. One…two…three.
WINNER: THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION
———————–
CATCH THE LATEST NEWS ON PCW AND OTHER GREAT E-FEDERATIONS AT THESE SITES: E-Wresting Torch- E-Fed Television, Pay-Per-View, and Classic show reviews E-Wrestling Nexus- The newest E-Wrestling hotspot to catch up on the latest news, cards, and e-wrestlers in the e-wrestling world E-Wrestling Magazine- The home for all the latest e-federation news throughout the country.
———————
Charlene Ann in the ring again. Charlene Ann: “Our next match was to have featured the members of Domination Inc. However, due to the liquidation of Domination Inc., there’s been a change in the lineup. Instead, the next match will be SarahPAC vs. ‘The Island of Misfit Wrestlers.”
MATCH #3
SARAHPAC (NRA, Grizzly Adam, Hunter the Hunter, and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen) vs.
THE ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS (‘The King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke, Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, and Jimmy from SoCal- the Jim Rome wannbe.)
No Movie Classic in the Misfit’s corner tonight. The bell rings. Jimmy from SoCal is so geeked up- he wants first crack at SarahPAC. Jimmy calls his shot- he’s going wire to wire against Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen. Kalee in. Jimmy tries to rack her. Kalee clubs him in the back with a closed fist and drives Jimmy to the canvas. Kalee lifts him up…ESKIMO PIEFACE! She covers…one…two…three.
WINNER: SARAHPAC
Jimmy from SoCal does not get racked, he gets run…badly. He lays sprawled out on the canvas. The other members of the Island of Misfit Wrestlers can’t believe what just took place. They shake their heads and leave Jimmy in the ring.
———————
PCW RANKINGS
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) CONTENDERS: #1- A. Tom Bomb (American Patriots)
#2- Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance)
#3- Randy “Road Rage” Richardson (Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
CONTENDERS: #1- Cadillac and Jaguar (Independent)
#2- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance)
#3- Hunter the Hunter & Grizzly Adam (SarahPAC)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: SNAFU (Independent)
CONTENDERS: #1- Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
#2- American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition)
#3- Dave the Mechanic (American Heartland Coalition)
————————–
UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
6/17- PCW End of the Season Extravaganza
6/19- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
6/24- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/26- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/1- PCW Extreme Political TV
7/3- No Newsline or shows until 7/15
7/15- PCW Extreme Political TV
————————-
Once again, Charlene Ann in the ring. Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen, here is our main event. In this corner, The American Patriots- Plus One!” A. Tom Bomb, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, and Independent PCW Television Champion SNAFU warm up in one corner. Charlene Ann: “Their opponents, The Progressive Alliance!” In the other corner, PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes shake hands and discuss strategy.
MATCH #4 AMERICAN PATRIOTS + 1 (PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Television Champion SNAFU and A. Tom Bomb) vs. PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE (PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes) NOTE: All five current PCW Championship beltholders are in this match.
The bell rings. A-Bomb goes right for the PCW Champion. PCW Tag Team Champs Big Oil and Walstreit lock up with Escondido and Starz. PCW Women’s Champion KRC tackles the PCW TV Champion SNAFU. KRC puts SNAFU in the Politics of Personal Destruction submission. Walstreit with the save. Back kick by KRC to Walstreit in the jewels. Russian leg sweep by KRC. Politics of Personal Destruction slapped on Walstreit. Texas Cowgirl Haley Dallas runs-in and makes the save. Dallas and KRC exchange vicious chops. Big Oil grabs KRC by the throat. “Rahm-bo” Rahm Emanuel runs-in with steel folding chair. *CLANG* Big Oil drops KRC. Emanuel drops an F-Bomb on Big Oil. *CLANG* SNAFU levels Emanuel with a steel folding chair. *CLANG* SNAFU takes out KRC with the chair. Escondido kicks the chair into SNAFU’s face. Cover. One…two…A-Bomb with the save.
Referee Davey Keels tries to restore some order to the match. A-Bomb and Escondido lock up in the center of the ring. Escondido with a rear chin lock. A-Bomb powers out of it. A-Bomb unloads hard rights to Escondido. He charges, Escondido slips around and gets a Samoan Drop! Escondido covers. One…two…kickout by A-Bomb. Escondido tags in Starz. Starz slams A-Bomb’s head onto Escondido’s knee. Starz goes for the pin. One…two…another kick out by A-Bomb. Whip into the corner by Starz. A-Bomb is tripped up by KRC and falls to the mat. Starz covers. One…two…A-Bomb again kicks out. Starz goes for another cover. One…two…kick out. Starz locks in an armbar. A-Bomb slowly gets to his feet and powers out of the move. He makes the corner and tags in Big Oil. Big Oil in. Starz tries an Irish Whip. Big Oil answers with a stiff shot to the jaw! Big Oil sends Starz for the ride and connects with a huge belly-to-belly suplex! Big Oil covers. One…two…Starz gets the shoulder up.
Big Oil goes side headlock and switches to a front headlock. He lifts Starz…front sit down slam. Another cover. PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama makes the save. Big Oil stops him with a scoop slam and tags in Kirk Walstreit. Walstreit hooks Starz’s ankle and grapevines the leg to keep him in the middle of the ring. Starz kicks Walstreit off and makes for his corner. Starz leaps for the tag but Walstreit catches him and pulls him back. Starz again leaps towards his corner, Walstreit again pulls back, Starz reverses into a Sunset Flip. One…two…Walstreit kicks out. Starz reaches the corner and tags in the PCW Champion. Bahama springboards off the top rope and nails Walstreit with a missile dropkick! KRC also goes top rope and lands a big leg drop on Walstreit. Spinning back kick by Bahama. SNAFU in. He grabs KRC from behind and lifts her up and over backwards…back bridge pin attempt. No count- SNAFU’s not the legal man in the ring. Walstreit tries to attack Bahama from behind. Bahama ducks and hits a huge back body drop. Bahama off the top rope and hits the flying forearm. Bahama covers. SNAFU goes for a chairshot and Bahama vacates his position. *CLANG* SNAFU chairshot on Walstreit by accident.
American Patriot Executive Director Michael Steele, ‘The Straight Shooter’ John McCain, Newt Gingrich, and the Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence Rush Limbaugh race to the ring. Bahama stomps Walstreit but Big Oil comes in and throws Bahama out of the ring. Escondido and Starz doubleteam Big Oil. Now Steele, McCain, Gingrich, and Limbaugh in the ring. Gingrich tries to kick Escondido. Escondido catches his foot and tries to attack back but Steele nails him with a chairshot. KRC takes the chair away from Steele. She swings, Steele ducks but KRC drills Limbaugh on the button with the chair. He’s down. SNAFU roll up from behind on KRC- again no count as SNAFU isn’t the legal man in the ring. KRC blasts SNAFU with a double kick to the ears. She locks in the Politics of Personal Destruction on SNAFU. Everybody in now. Emanuel drops an F-Bomb to Gingrich. F-Bomb to McCain. F-Bomb to Big Oil. A second F-Bomb for A-Bomb. Steele grabs the chair again. He swings at Emanuel and whiffs. But he nails Walstreit flush. Walstreit down. Bahama goes 450 Splash. Cover. One…F-Bomb to Steele….two…three.
WINNER: THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE
The Progressive Alliance celebrate in the ring. Steele can’t believe what he just did.
PCW Extreme Political TV coming up Wednesday night…see you then.
Posted on May 27, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling
‘Trailer Park Princess’ TANYA HARDY w/the White Trash Posse vs. ‘Texas Cowgirl’ HALEY DALLAS/AMERICAN TRUCKER w/Tequila Sheila vs. NEWT TRON BOMB w/Daisy Cutter Bomb/’Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ BIG MONSTER WAHLIE w/Domination Inc. vs. BARON VON MUNCHKE w/Movie Classic
5/27-PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV from the C.R.C. on the campus of Ohio State-Mansfield in Mansfield, Ohio
HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “WELCOME TO P-C-W! SUNDAY NIGHT SAW THE FIRST STEP TO FINDING OUT WHO THE NEXT PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS WILL BE.”
REPLAY- 5/24 PCW on P-SPAN MATCH #1- PCW Tag Team Tournament Quarterfinal
‘Extreme Vegan’ BROCK COLE LEE and GREENPETE w/Peta from PETA and PeaceNick (Green World Order) vs.
HUNTER the HUNTER and GRIZZLY ADAM w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC) “…Lee grabs Hunter and applies an arm wrench. Crowd: “BORE-RING…BORE-RING!” Lee flips off the crowd and gets caught with a Suplex by Hunter. Lee’s head slams into the chair!! Hunter drags Lee to the floor. Hunter the Hunter applies an arm wrench to Brock Cole Lee. Grizzly Adam nails Lee with another chair. Peta from PETA runs around the ring and starts screeching at Grizzly Adam. The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin and her everpresent hockey stick moves towards Peta. Peta hightails it back to the other side. Crowd: “SARAH’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap), SARAH’S GOING TO KILL YOU (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) Hunter takes Lee back into the ring. Hunter the Hunter applies an arm wrench takedown to Lee and tags in Grizzly Adam. Grizzly throws a table in and Hunter sets it up. Grizzly Adam then gorilla press slams Brock Cole Lee thru the table! Hunter then drags Brock Cole Lee up…Fall Away Slam on the chair!……”
“……Hunter pulls himself up and sets a chair on Brock Cole Lee. Grizzly Adam lands a splash on the chair. Hunter sets the bear trap up in the corner. PeaceNick and Peta from PETA climb into the ring. Grizzly Adam piledrives GreenPete. Now Lee pulls himself up. Hunter picks up the chair and cracks it over Lee’s head. Lee is busted open. PeaceNick tries to use chloroform on Hunter. Hunter spins him upside down and piledrives him. Grizzly Adam hits Lee with an elbow drop from the second turnbuckle. Peta punches Hunter repeatedly. Palin grabs Peta by the hair and whips her to the corner of the ring. *SNAP* Bear Trap! Bear Trap! Peta tries remove the bear trap from her ankles. Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”
Hunter sets the chair on Lee’s face…another second rope leg drop! Hunter covers. One. Two. Three…”
MATCH #2 PCW Tag Team Tournament Quarterfinal
BLUE DOG D w/Kirsten Gillibrand (Progressive Alliance) and RINO-Republican in Name Only w/Susan Collins (American Patriots)- The Bipartisan Dream Team vs.
BIG OIL and KIRK WALSTREIT- Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit w/”The Mastermind” Karl Rove (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) “The Mastermind” Karl Rove points to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a friggin’ genius. The bell rings. Kirk Walstreit goes on the offensive immediately. He places Blue Dog D on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Blue Dog D pops right back up and nails Walstreit with a pumphandle suplex. Walstreit comes back with a clothesline. Walstreit then chops Blue Dog D. Blue Dog D chops him back. Walstreit chops him again. Blue Dog D chops him back. Walstreit goes for another chop, Blue Dog D evades it, spins Walstreit around, and atomic drops him. Blue Dog D tags RINO in. Walstreit tries to chop RINO- RINO kicks Kirk Walstreit in the groin. Blue Dog D back in and nails Walstreit with a front-layout suplex. Crowd: “Blue Dog D! Blue Dog D!” chants start……”
“……RINO wraps his legs around Big Oil’s neck and puts him in the figure-four sleeper. Davey Keels asks Big Oil if he quits. … Big Oil fights the hold. … RINO tightens the hold. Big Oil tries to stand up. No go. Walstreit in the ring and breaks the hold. They lockup. RINO puts Walstreit through another table that Collins and Gillibrand hastily set up.
Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson aka…Quadruple R, runs to the ring. Quad R hits a low blow on RINO and then piledrives him. The crowd boos Richardson. Quad R slingshot facebusters Blue Dog D and slams his face to the mat. Big Oil moves back to his feet. Big Oil forearm smashes RINO. Big Oil follows up with a power bomb. Big Oil sets RINO up…and delivers an Oklahoma Driller on him. Cover. One. Two. Three.”
MATCH #3 PCW Tag Team Tournament Quarterfinal
‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO and STARZ N. STRIPES w/Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) vs.
THE RAVING REDNECKS LOCKE and LOADE w/Tequila Sheila (American Heartland Coalition) “……Loade hits a double leg takedown on Escondido and follows with a corkscrew legdrop. Starz in and clotheslines Loade. Starz sends Loade to the corner of the ring. Rahm Emanuel gets a couple cheap shots in before Starz hits Loade with the back of his elbow. Locke in and nails Starz from behind. Locke sidewalk slams Starz. Escondido gives Loade a face buster. Loade eats a diving elbow smash from Escondido. Starz tags in Escondido and then drives Loade to the floor again with a double arm DDT……”
“……Escondido in and drives his forearm into the back of Loade’s neck. Escondido then measures Loade up and drops a closed fist. Starz puts a chair on Loade’s head…leg drop on the chair. Loade is busted open. Cover. One…Locke kicks Starz off Loade. Locke follows up with the crotch slam. Rahm Emanuel hits the ring and legsweeps Locke. He sets up for the F-Bomb but Tequila Sheila comes in and rakes Emanuel’s face. Loade gets hit with a diving elbow smash from Escondido. Escondido with another fist drop on Loade. He goes over the top…CATTLE MUTILATION! The crowd goes wild. Loade taps out…….”
MATCH #4 PCW Tag Team Tournament Quarterfinal
CADILLAC and JAGUAR w/Domination Inc. (Domination Inc.) vs.
JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and The Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army) “Jaguar tries for a top-rope senton but Horst Schett crotches him on the top rope. Cadillac power bombs Bull through an outside ring table. Jack Schett grabs onto Cadillac and a Belly to Belly Suplex sends Cadillac down onto the floor. Bull follows with a tiger driver on Cadillac. Jack uses a closed fist on Cadillac. Bull tries for a Reverse Suplex but Cadillac avoids it. Jaguar runs in and Bull kicks him in the groin. He follows with a swinging bulldog and drives Jaguar’s face into the floor. Bull Schett is back on his feet. Leg Drop! Jack goes for a neck scissors but Jaguar dodges the attack. Horst Schett sneaks up and sends Jaguar into the steel guardrail. Jack belly-to-belly suplexes Cadillac……”
“……Jack catches Jaguar’s leg, but Jaguar reverses it with an enzuigiri. Connor Justice and D.B. Ruff in the ring. Connor Justice sends Jack to the corner of ringside. Justice tries to taser Jack- Jack gets away and gets drilled by D.B. Ruff. Cadillac comes in from behind and bulldogs Jack. Horst suplexes Jaguar and then throws him from the ring. Horst bulldog’s Jaguar on the floor. Ruff tasers Horst and takes him out.
The Corporate Enforcer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, chokes Bull with a microphone cable and then clotheslines the hell out of him. A table is set up outside the ring. WTF Awesome Bombs Bull through the table outside the ring. Crowd: “HOLY ****! HOLY ****!” Jaguar takes Jack into the ring. Tilt-a-whirl slam. Jaguar up on the top rope. He knees Jack in the stomach from the top rope. Jaguar moves back to the top rope. Jack gets back up and eats a 5 Star Frog Splash from the top rope. Jaguar pulls off a beautiful sunset flip off of the top rope. Cover. One. Two. Three.”
Suave: “So, next Sunday- it’s going to be Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit from Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance vs. SarahPAC’s Grizzly Adam and Hunter the Hunter followed by Cadillac and Jaguar from Domination Inc. vs. ‘No Frills Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes of the Progressive Alliance.”
*flute and clarinet flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears with his Aide de Camp Joe Biden by his side.
Suave: “And it looks like we’re going to get an explanation concerning this new venture with High Octane Television-”
*Opening riff’s to AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’*
Obama: “I want to announce that PCW has entered into an agreement with High Octane Television. I have been in contact with Lee Best of HOTv. Bubba Jackson has been involved in the negotiations. And we quickly came to an agreement over the weekend. I want to make clear to everyone that we are all very excited about this opportunity. We will be joining High Octane Wrestling, Siberian Wrestling, and the Superstar Wrestling Federation, all vibrant and competitive federations in their own right, in HOTv. This is a step forward for PCW in a year that has seen Political Championship Wrestling’s audience increase dramatically since PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in November. Bubba?” Bubba: “I really don’t have a lot more to add. DeWayne and I feel that PCW couldn’t let this opportunity pass by.”
*Talent on loan from God*
“The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence” Rush Limbaugh saunters out. Rush: “That’s right, it is I, Rush Limbaugh…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…El Rushbo…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…the Maharushbie…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…with talent on loan from-” Crowd: “ROB!” Rush: “IT’S GOD, YOU DOLTS! GOD!” Crowd: “OX-SEE CON-TIN (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) OX-SEE CON-TIN (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)” Rush: “SHUT UP AND LISTEN! I just came from behind my golden EIB microphone to comment on this announcement. As the titular head of the American Patriots, it’s up to me to denounce this misguided idea. This is just another extreme left wing plan-” Voice: “Hold on a second, Rush.” American Patriots Executive Director Michael Steele comes out. Steele: “Since I am the Executive Director, I’ll speak for the American Patriots. Now, the American Patriots should take a wait and see approach to this plan. I think it’s too early to judge-” Rush: “Oh spare me the namby pamby, moderate bull****. This is a bad idea. This is nothing more than an ultraliberal scam. Ladies and gentlemen, why is Obama going along with this? Because Colin Powell came out in favor of this? Because Tom Ridge likes this idea? What What Right Do Colin Powell and Tom Ridge Have to Lecture the American Patriots? Why does Powell now seem to think he has the right or credibility to lecture American Patriots on how our faction should be run? He wanted Obama to be the next PCW CEO, and he said so very publicly. He saved his endorsement of Obama at a very propitious strategic moment and did so in public after the American Patriots in their infinite wisdom nominated a candidate supposedly ideal to somebody like General Powell. That would be John McCain. So now why does Powell now seem to think he has the right or credibility to lecture the American Patriots? Let him go crawling to the Progressive Alliance.”
Another voice: “Rush, you’re just wrong.” ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain comes out. McCain: “The real problem with the American Patriots is that too many people associate you with the American Patriots.” Steele: “Excuse me. Can I talk now? As the Executive Director of the American Patriots, I’d like to state for the record that-” Rush: “Stuff it, McCain. Why don’t you go toddle off to the Progressive Alliance with General Powell.” McCain: “It is hot in here? Oh…it’s just Limbaugh spewing hot air.” Steele: “Can I talk?” Rush: “13.5 million listeners like my hot air!” McCain: “Rush, there’s only going to be 13. 5 million members of the Republican Party after you’re done destroying it.” Rush: “Oh *I* destroyed the Republican Party, Mr. ‘I lost to a not even one term Senator’ for president?” Steele: “Hello?…” McCain: “Well, perhaps if I wouldn’t have worried about sucking up to inflated windbags like yourself I would have done better!” Steele: “…Hello? Is my mic on!” McCain and Limbaugh get into each others grilles. Suave: “The good news is, PCW is now a part of High Octane Television. The bad news is…well…the American Patriots still don’t have their **** together. We’ll be back after this…”
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PCW IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY…
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COMMERCIAL TIME:
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Suave: “Let’s go to the ring.” “Crazy” by Aerosmith plays. Charlene Ann: “On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 175 pounds, from Portland, Oregon, accompanied by Shane and Jeff aka The White Trash Posse, “Trailer Park Princess” Tanya Hardy!” The crowd boos so Hardy flips them off while climbing into the ring. “Saturday Night at the Twist and Shout’ by Mary Chapin Carpenter plays. Charlene Ann: “And her opponent weighs in tonight at 155 pounds. From Dallas, Texas, she’s a member of American Patriots, Texas Cowgirl Haley Dallas!” The crowd cheers.
MATCH #1:
‘Trailer Park Princess’ TANYA HARDY w/the White Trash Posse (Independent) vs.
‘Texas Cowgirl’ HALEY DALLAS (American Patriots) The bell rings. Suave: “Hardy comes out and grabs the Texas Cowgirl’s head. SHE’S BITING HER! Now she’s pulling her hair. Now she pokes her in the eyes. Hardy goes for a hiptoss but Dallas blocks it. Hardy tackles Dallas. They roll around! CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIGHT!” Hardy gets the advantage and punches Dallas in the head. The Texas Cowgirl pushes Hardy off and climbs to her feet. Suave: “The Texas Cowgirl’s inexperience is showing a bit. Dallas wants a front slam but the Trailer Park Princess blocks it. DALLAS SLAPS HARDY! Hardy rakes the face right back. Jab by Hardy.” Dallas drags the Trailer Park Princess to the floor.
Suave: “Dallas takes it to the floor- HIGH CROSSBODY BY DALLAS ! DALLAS WHIPS HARDY INTO THE RING STEPS!” Dallas hits a jawbreaker next. Hardy is dazed. Suave: “HERE COMES THE WHITE TRASH POSSE!” Shane sends Dallas into the announcer’s table. Suave: “BATON! BATON!” Dallas gets batoned by Jeff. Shane hits her with the baton as well. Suave: “Dallas drops down…DOUBLE LOW BLOW!” The White Trash Posse are left bent over and gasping for air. Suave: “Dallas back in the ring…she pulls Hardy’s hair. Elbowsmash to the face by the Texas Cowgirl. She’s got her up….POWERBOMB! DALLAS FOR THE PIN. ONE…TWO…THREE!”
Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, Texas Cowgirl Haley Dallas!!!”
Suave: “Nice win for the Texas Cowgirl!”
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PULP FICTION SEGMENT:
(Dick Dale surf music plays in the background)
The ‘Dr. Phil Wannabe’ Dr. Bill hangs with the PCW TV Champion SNAFU. Dr. Bill: “Let it be known that I, Dr. Bill, having taken not one, but TWO scrubs-” SNAFU: “HEY!” Dr. Bill: “Oh…sorry. Having taken two FORMER scrubs…” SNAFU: “That’s better.” Dr. Bill: “…to the PCW Television Championship, I guess that makes me, Dr. Bill, PCW’s Manager of Champions! Right, SNAFU?” SNAFU: “I guess.” Dr. Bill: “Just remember this…you don’t need flapjacks to drop and give me twenty.” SNAFU: “Say what?” Dr. Bill: “You don’t need a bag of wolverines to watch Spongebob Squarepants…”
American Patriot Jeff Flake with Gabrielle Giffords and Paul Hodes from the Progressive Alliance. The Bipartisan Dream Team Blue Dog D and RINO-Republican in Name Only stand behind them. Flake: “Nancy Pelosi. Here we stand. American Patriots. Progressive Alliance. You claimed that you were going to drain the swamp. You were going to make PCW better. You haven’t. PMA has abused his referee position by deliberately stopping two matches in which a Progressive Alliance wrestler was going to lose and John Murtha is the one who brought him in.” Hodes: “Sever the relationship between faction members and referees!” Blue Dog D: “Because it’s not only the right thing to do…” RINO: “It’s the BI-PARTISAN THING TO DO!” RINO growls menacingly.
Dr. Bill and SNAFU. Dr. Bill: “…you don’t need Shemp to get up in someone’s grill.” SNAFU: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Rush Limbaugh and his golden EIB microphone. Limbaugh: “Barack Obama. You brought this all on yourself. You wanted to make me look extreme. You wanted the American Patriots to look extreme. Well, guess what? We can do that all by ourselves!” Limbaugh pauses. Limbaugh: “That might not have come out right.”
Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance). Starz: “Domination Inc. Sunday night, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and I are going to-” ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card…aka W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad, jump Starz and beat him down.
Dr. Bill and SNAFU. Dr. Bill: “You don’t need feelings to shave a weasel!” SNAFU: “All right, I’ve had enough. I’m leaving.” SNAFU turns and walks away shaking his head. Dr. Bill: “WHAT!”
Starz Beatdown. Rove spray paints the letter ‘W’ on Starz’s back. Dick Cheney approves.
Dr. Bill. Dr. Bill: “WHAT DID I SAY?”
(music fades out)
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COMMERCIAL TIME:
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UPCOMING EVENTS: OTHER E-FEDERATIONS:
SWF Superstar Showcase May 30, 2009 from 6:30pm to 9:30pm – SWF Arena in Orlando, FL
Without a guaranteed TV contract and several superstars leaving, SWF Chairman Matthew Martin is forced to make several tough decisions. What will the remaining SWF locker room have to do to get their company back on track?
Hostility Presents: SOUTH OF HEAVEN May 31, 2009 all day – Madison Square Garden
May 31st, 2009, from the historic Madison Square Garden… everything has been building up to this! The most important night in Hostility history will arrive on this night… Talon… Steven Steele… who will win the battle for the Hostility World Heavyweight Championship, and Hostility’s destiny with it? See this and so much more, at South of Heaven!
Main Event:
Rebel Fury vs. Viking and “The All Star” Shawn Anderson
“Majikal Mayhem” Vance Bonesteel vs.”The Emerald Hero Andrew O’Reilly
Haggis vs. Simply Simon
Julian York vs. Stalker
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DOMINATION INC. SUITE Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann grimly walks into the suite followed closely by CFO Gordon Guyko. Guyko looks very tense and slams the door behind him.
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Suave: “We are ready for match number 2. Let’s go to Charlene Ann Beckworth.”
“Eastbound and Down” by Jerry Reed plays over the loudspeakers. Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match will be the number one contender for the PCW Television Title and meet Champion SNAFU at PCW Loose Cannons 5! In the ring already. He’s weighing in at 225 pounds, from Gary, Indiana and a member of American Heartland Coalition, accompanied by Tequila Sheila, it’s the American Trucker!” The crowd cheers. Charlene Ann: “His opponent, weighing in at 200 pounds from Alamogordo, New Mexico. He’s a member of American Patriots and accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Newt Tron Bomb!”
MATCH #2: #1 Contender’s Match for the PCW Television Title
AMERICAN TRUCKER w/Tequila Sheila (American Heartland Coalition) vs.
NEWT TRON BOMB w/Daisy Cutter Bomb (American Patriots) The bell rings. Suave: “The winner gets a shot at the PCW Television Title! American Trucker hits a spinning leg lariat on Newt Tron Bomb right off the bat. He mounts and then punches N- Bomb over and over. The referee calls for a break.” American Trucker stands back up. N-Bomb grabs American Trucker’s leg and takes him down, then locks his leg. Suave: “I don’t think N-Bomb actually broke. He’s got that leg cinched in. Davey Keels asks American Trucker if he quits.” Newt Tron Bomb tightens the hold…American Trucker trys to escape. Suave: “American Trucker gets to the ropes and the referee calls for a break. BUT N-BOMB THROWS AMERICAN TRUCKER OUT OF THE RING!”
Daisy Cutter-Bomb comes over and clotheslines American Trucker. Newt Tron Bomb follows with an inverted DDT. Daisy follows with an Daisy Cutter Power Bomb. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” N-Bomb kicks American Trucker’s knee. N-Bomb knees American Trucker and rolls back to his feet.” Daisy sets a table up. Suave: “Well, that can’t be good. N-Bomb pulls American Trucker up. DDT THROUGH THE TABLE! HOLY CRAP!” Daisy rolls American Trucker back in the ring. Suave: “N-Bomb also back in. He backs his butt up to American Trucker’s face. EWWWWW! SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY!” The referee, holding his nose and his breath, rapidly counts to three and gets out of harm’s way.
WINNER: NEWT TRON BOMB
Suave: “IT’S GOING TO BE NEWT TRON BOMB VERSUS SNAFU FOR THE PCW TELEVISION TITLE NEXT SUNDAY AT PCW LOOSE CANNONS FIVE!”
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SIX MATCHES CONFIRMED FOR PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 5
Main Event: O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) will put his PCW Title on the line at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5 against Domination Inc’s ‘Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Big Monster Wahlie!
The championship match of the tag team title tournament to detemine the new PCW Tag Team champions.
SNAFU (Independent) defends the PCW Television Title against Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Progressive Alliance) vs. Right Wing Brigadiers (American Patriots)
3 Way Dance for the PCW Women’s Title: Kathryn Randall Collins aka…KRC (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (SarahPAC) vs. PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)
And Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance)vs. ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter in a Grudge Cage Deathmatch.
More matches to come.
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ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS LOCKER ROOM
Another week; another locker room full of somber and downright depressed Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious, Michael Hunt and Richard Headd of Guys with Unfortunate Names, Dick Van Dam, Jimmy from So Cal, and Dread Pirate Douggie). Movie Classic walks in. Movie Classic: “This is sad. This is very sad.” Jimmy from So Cal: “You promised that things would change.” Michael Hunt: “You said we wouldn’t be losers anymore.” Richard Headd: “But we’re still the same…losers…” Dick Van Dam: “Actually, the correct term is ‘talent enhancement.” Headd: “Whatever. It means we still suck.”
Movie Classic shakes his head. Movie Classic: “Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! What the hell’s the matter with you? Stupid! We’re all very different people. We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog. We’re mutts! Here’s proof: his nose is cold! But there’s no animal that’s more faithful, that’s more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw “Old Yeller?” Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end?” Movie Classic raises his hand. No one else does. Movie Classic: “Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I’m sure.” A few hands raise. Movie Classic: “I cried my eyes out. So we’re all dogfaces, we’re all very, very different, but there is one thing that we all have in common: we were all stupid enough to enlist in Political Championship Wrestling. We’re mutants. There’s something wrong with us, something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us – we’re soldiers. But we’re American! We’ve been kicking ass for 200 years! We’re 10 and 1! Now we don’t have to worry about whether or not we our asses kicked for the hundredth time. We don’t have to worry about Big Monster Wahlie is going to destroy us in the ring. All we have to do is to be the great American fighting wrestler that is inside each one of us. Now do what I do, and say what I say. And make me proud.” Movie Classic gets up and runs out. No one follows. Movie Classic comes back. Movie Classic: “This is sad…so-” German voice: “I will take the challenge.” Movie Classic: “Huh?” Jimmy from So Cal’s eyes light up. Jimmy from So Cal: “I know you! You’re the ‘King of Old School Gimmicks’ Baron Von Munchke!” Baron Von Munchke: “That’s right. *I* Baron Von Munchke, the King of Old School Gimmicks, will-” Dick Van Dam: “I thought you were a Baron.” Von Munchke: “Never mind that. (clears throat) As I was saying…I will take the challenge. I will take on the Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie. And I will win.”
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Suave: “The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Jane Hamsher, Media Matters For America, and Eric Alterman are in the ring.” Daily Kos: “After W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad’s attack tonight, The Angry Left Wing Bloggers have decided that we’d rather wrestle them instead of the Right Wing Brigadiers. So, PCW schmucks? Make it happen.”
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UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
5/29- PCW Newsline
5/31- PCW on P-SPAN
6/3- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/5- PCW Newsline
6/7- Political Championship Wrestling Presents: Loose Cannons Unleashed 5
6/10- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/12- PCW Newsline
6/14- PCW on P-SPAN
6/17- PCW End of the Season Extravaganza
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Suave: “All right. We’re back and it’s time for our main event.”
MATCH #3
‘Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ BIG MONSTER WAHLIE w/Domination Inc. vs.
BARON VON MUNCHKE w/Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
Suave: “The Baron looks surprisingly confident. We’ll see how long that lasts. BMW has torn through all competition so far in his run with PCW. Except for a week where he was out due to an unspecific ‘training accident,’ BMW has been dominant here in PCW.” The bell rings. Suave: “Here we go. They circle, lock up and to the corner they go. Knees by BMW in the corner. Now some rights. More knees by BMW and he’s keeping the Baron trapped in that corner. Now BMW pulls out the big boot choke. BMW leans in…CLAW! THE CLAWHOLD! BARON VON MUNCHKE’S GOT THE CLAW INNNNNN.” BMW swats the hand away and drills Von Munchke with the powerbomb. Suave: “That’ll take the steam right out of you! BMW stalking Baron Von Munchke now…WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S…THAT’S THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION SNAFU! HE’S ON THE TOP ROPE!” SNAFU jumps and crashes the TV Title belt on the top of BMW’s head. BMW collapses in a heap.
The crowd stands up. McMann’s eyes bulge out. Suave: “WAIT! HE’S…HE’S OUT!” Baron Von Munchke returns to a sitting position. Suave: “HE’S BEEN KNOCKED OUT!” Movie Classic can’t believe it either. Movie Classic: “DON’T JUST STAND THERE! PIN HIM! PIN HIM!” The Baron’s unsure what to do. He puts the Clawhold back on BMW. Movie Classic: “NO, DON’T CLAW HIM YOU MORON! PIN HIM!” Movie Classic gestures wildly at Von Munchke. The Baron finally covers. Crowd: “One. Two. Three.”
WINNER: BARON VON MUNCHKE
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! HE’S DONE IT! BARON VON MUNCHKE HAS DEFEATED BIG MONSTER WAHLIE! IT’S TOTAL PANDEMONIUM HERE.” SNAFU checks on the condition of BMW in the ring. Watching from outside the ring, Mr. McMann’s jaw is gaping open. Suave: “THE CROWD CAN’T BELIEVE IT. MR. McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HELL, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST UPSETS IN PCW HISTORY! NEXT WEEK, IT’S THE GO HOME SHOW FOR PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 5! I’M JOHNNY SUAVE- SEE YA NEXT WEEK!”
Posted on April 2, 2009 by Political Championship Wrestling
PCW on P-SPAN After Sunday’s successful PCW on P-SPAN special, P-SPAN CEO Ken Jeffers announced today that starting this Sunday, PCW on P-SPAN will join the cable network as a weekly show.
“The name of the show will be PCW on P-SPAN,” Jeffers said at today’s press conference. “It will be a weekly show that will be filmed here in Washington D.C. and shown at nine o’clock Sunday nights on P-SPAN.”
When asked why P-SPAN was turning to this type of programming when the channel has traditionally done straight political reporting, Programming Chief Blaine Magner had this to say: “The reason we are putting PCW on our network is due to the overtly political nature of the storylines. They are doing something that no one else is doing. Their pay per views have been very successful. To us, it seemed like a win-win proposition for both PCW and P-SPAN.” Magner then added, “People have this image of P-SPAN as being staid, stuffy, and yes, boring. We want to be at the cutting edge when it comes to politics and we feel PCW is the product to make it happen. In many ways, PCW has put the current political infighting in proper perspective.”
PCW Owner Bubba Jackson had this to say, “After we heard a rumor in the E Wrestling Magazine about the Federal Government taking offense to what we were doing at Political Championship Wrestling, I thought what better way to rub their noses in it some more by having a weekly show right in Washington D.C.. If they were upset before, they ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Sunday’s first show will feature the following matches:
-A. Tom Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs. former PCW Champion Kevin Scott (Formerly Starz N. Stripes) (Joe Sixpacks) for a shot at the PCW title next Tuesday on PCW Extreme Political TV.
-SNAFU (Dr. Bill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. Newt Tron Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs. Dave the Mechanic (Joe SixPacks)
GINA RAMSEY NAMED OFFICIAL PCW LIASON PCW CEO Barack Obama announced today that former Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Bar Manager Gina ‘Gigi’ Ramsey has accepted the position of Official Liason for PCW. Her duties will entail writing official press releases and articles to the public, including media sites such as The E Wrestling Magazine and The Titan Zone. “Gina will become the public face of Political Championship Wrestling,” Obama said in a press release this afternoon.
It had been rumored that Ramsey (pictured above with PCW Owners Bubba Jackson and DeWayne Cantrell and “The Alaskan Pitbull” Sarah Palin) might join forces with Palin in SarahPAC. However, today she was quoted as saying, “This opportunity was simply too good to pass up.”
Ramsey’s hire frees up PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein to do more of what he does best- dig up the dirt on what’s going on around PCW.
3/31- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV RESULTS: -In the replay of a match from the PCW on P-SPAN special, KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (Progressive Alliance) def. MIA MARGARITA (Domination Inc.) when KRC turned the tables on the ‘Shot at Scoring With a Sleazy Video Channel Reality Star’ and negated the ‘Long Kiss Goodnight.’
-More American Patriot infighting. Michael Steele brings in young Eric Cantor to try and unify the troops.
-Ari Fleischer, Dana Perino, and Andrew Card…aka the W Truth Rehabilitation Team make their first appearance in PCW and vow to take out anyone who continues to defame the former PCW CEO, George W.
-2 Time PCW Tag Team Champions DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN and DON MARTINI (Independent) stun the wrestling world and win the PCW Extreme March Mayhem Tag Team Tournament by defeating GRIZZLY ADAM and HUNTER the HUNTER (SarahPAC). Dan Martini’s projectile vomiting causes Grizzly Adam to fall and Dan passes out on top of him for the win.
-In the PCW Extreme March Mayhem Women’s Championship match, KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (Progressive Alliance) def. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Domination Inc) in a wild free-for-all that saw the debut of Blue Dog D and RINO (Republican In Name Only) at the end.
PCW RANKINGS:
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS: #1- ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Quadruple R (Domination, Inc.)
#2- Kevin Scott (Joe SixPacks)
#3- A. Tom Bomb (McCain’s Marauders)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Domination, Inc.)
CONTENDERS: #1- Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini (Independent)
#2- Schett Brothers- Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance)
#3-Grizzly Adam and Hunter the Hunter (SarahPAC)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS:
#1- SNAFU (Dr. Bill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers)
#2- Newt Tron Bomb (McCain’s Marauders)
#3- Dave the Mechanic (Joe SixPacks)
UPCOMING EVENTS: 4/5- PCW on P-SPAN
4/7- PCW Night of Champions
4/9- PCW Newsline
4/12- PCW on P-SPAN
4/15- PCW Extreme Political TV
4/17- PCW Newsline
4/19- PCW on P-SPAN
4/22- PCW Extreme Political TV
4/24- PCW Newsline
PCW CEO Barack Obama announced today that former Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Bar Manager Gina ‘Gigi’ Ramsey has accepted the position of Official Liason for PCW. Her duties will entail writing official press releases and articles to the public, including media sites such as The E Wrestling Magazine and The Titan Zone. “Gina will become the public face of Political Championship Wrestling,” Obama said in a press release this afternoon.
