Miss USA v. KRC in Women’s Showdown Plus Ted Nugent Shooting the Breeze

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Mayo Civic Center Arena
Rochester, MN
Thursday April 19th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

The show began with a 10 bell salute to Dick Clark and Levon Helm.

The Band- “Up on Cripple Creek*

PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (D) again pleaded with Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) to have her title defense against Miss USA called off.  Pelosi told her that she couldn’t stop the match but that “she wouldn’t be alone.”  Pelosi added that  the women of PCW would rally around her and she’d still be the Women’s Champion after tonight.

(1) NRA of Politically Incorrect w/Ted Nugent def. PeaceNick of the Green World Order

After the match, Nugent met up with PCW Secret Security to discuss Nugent’s (R) comments on Monday’s PCW Extreme Political TV about PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) and went into an office to talk.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talked with the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R) through an interpreter.  Tanaka, a 3 time PCW champion, says he came back to PCW to be dominant and the Democrats weren’t letting him be that.  That’s why he’s joined the Republicans and ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) and that’s why he says he will be the next PCW Champion when he defeats The Sanderman at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed. 

Romney comes in and agrees, adding that once Tanaka becomes the PCW champion that people will see that his judgment is stupendously marvelous and that will put him over Obama for the PCW CEO job in November.

Backstage, Nugent and the PCW Secret Security guys are kicking back and having a few beers as they talk.  One Secret Security guy brags about checking out ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin and they all share a laugh.

(2) Big Oil def. Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Post match, Big Oil hits the American Taxpayer again and again with the Oklahoma Driller.  Finally, Daniel-San runs out and flattens Big Oil with a steel chair. 

Then John Creese and his Cobra Cons attack Daniel-San. 

Followed by Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition and his Les Miserables who swarm all over the Cobra Cons and kick them out of the ring.  Mike the Mechanic joins Blackwell in the ring.  Mike gets on the mic and tells the crowd if no one else is going to stand up for the American Taxpayer then the American Heartland Coalition will.  

Backstage, Obama’s aide de camp Joe Biden chats with suspended NFL Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams and New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton about the whole bounty thing going on with Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost black sheep brother.  Biden warns them to knock it off.

In the ring, Johnny Suave talks with PCW Champion The Sanderman (D).  The Sanderman says Tanaka is a force and he knows what he’s capable of.  But he swears that he’s going to PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 with the intention of fighting for his title.  The Sanderman rips on Mitt Romney as using Tanaka as his conduit.  “Tanaka doesn’t care what you people think.  Tanaka just wants to hurt people and like the Republicans will go to extreme lengths, like torture, to acheive their ends.  The Sanderman says Tanaka’s only purpose is to replace him with a Republican as the PCW champion. 

Next, Nugent and the PCW Secret Security guys leave their meeting joking and slapping each other on the back.  “We’re cool,” one of them says and then thanks Nugent for an autograph.

There’s a quick recap of the KRC- Miss USA feud:

On Monday night, PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Miss USA about the upcoming match. Miss USA tells Bernstein that she’s going to prove that a woman can be a mother and hold a career and the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Last week, KRC compares Ann Romney to Miss USA giving up her career for over a year to have a baby with her husband. KRC says Miss USA’s decision to put her family over her career is an affront to the women’s movement.

(3) PCW Women’s Title Match: Kathryn Randall Collins (c) w/Hilary Rosen, Code Pink, and Emily S. List (D) vs. Miss USA w/the Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovaleviski.

Before the match even starts, the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas of the Daily Kos, Katrina Vanden Huevel from the Nation, Professor Paul Krugman of the NY Times, and the Huffington Posts Arianna Huffington come to the ring with the leader of the Democrats Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

KRC and Miss USA battle back and forth with the Angry Left Wing Bloggers liberally interfering on the PCW Women’s Champion’s behalf.  That brings down the Right Wing Brigadiers (Michelle Malkin, Tucker Carlson of the Daily Caller, Glenn Beck, and Laura Ingraham) and now we have a brawl going on around the ring with KRC and Miss USA battling inside the ring.

Miss USA hits the Patriot Missile on KRC and covers.  But there’s another commotion.  Mitt Romney’s dog is loose inside the arena and distracts the referee when the dog jumps into the ring with Ann Romney chasing from behind. 

In the confusion, Code Pink sneaks into the ring and tries to hit Miss USA with a glitter bomb.  But Dawn McGill tackles Miss USA and Pink nails KRC instead.  Miss USA hits a second Patriot Missile and makes the cover…1…2…3.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Miss USA

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:
-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Plus, PCW Hall of Fame Inductions of:
Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R)
Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R)

MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)

 

Alec Baldwin and Michelle Malkin Catfight: 9/22-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
UCF Arena
Orlando, Florida
Thursday September 22th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave in the middle of the ring to welcome everyone to the final show before PCW Lock and Load this Sunday night.   Suave runs down the card…

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. TBA

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

Suave comes back on and it’s time to go back to earlier in the night.

Alec Baldwin (D) comes out and he’s pissed about the execution of Troy Davis in Georgia last night.   He says Davis is dead and wants to know if Michelle Malkin (R) is happy.   The anti-justice haters won.  

Malkin walks out and wants to know what’s the deal with all the hate talk from all the Baldwin wannabes.  Let’s go all Town Hall on that supreme thinker, Michelle Malkin- a world class, crypto fascist hater?  Really? 

Baldwin claims right-wingers always hide the shameful policies of their nutbag policies behind “supporting the troops.”  He wonders if ‘Malkin will push the needle in herself’ on a man the former FBI director said might have reasonable doubt on his side.

Malkin tells Baldwin to direct his minions’ ire/rage/profanity/racism/sexism at the US Supreme Court, not her.

Suave comes back on.  And it’s time for our first match…

MATCH 1- GEORGIA ELECTRIC CHAIR MATCH
Alec Baldwin (D) vs. Michelle Malkin (R)

Suave says this match could be explosive…winner straps opponent in an electric chair

…outside the ring Baldwin lays Malkin on the guard rail and dives off a table onto her into the crowd.  Baldwin then put a chair in the ring and another under the ropes. He flies off one chair and launches onto Malkin in the crowd.  Unbelievable.  He sets Malkin on the second rope with a chair underneath her and dives.  The crowd roars when ‘The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)runs out and causes Baldwin to miss and hit the chair with his butt.  Coulter then nails Baldwin with the chair…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…Coulter and Malkin gets up on the table and moonsaults Baldwin off the turnbuckle and through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Coulter tries to drag Baldwin to the electric chair but the actor has a death grip on the ropes.  Here comes the King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D)!   Olbermann with a chair…*bang* right over Malkin’s head opening a big cut above her eye.  Blood was flowing. Coulter nails a moonsault off the top rope and nearly pushes Olbermann into the Electric Chair.

The rest of the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, Jane Hamsher, Eric Boehlert (D)) spill down to the ring.  They’re joined by the Right Wing Brigadiers (Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Andrew Breitbart, and Glenn Beck (R)) and the referee is forced to call the match.

WINNER: No contest @ 17:43

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Replay from Monday Night
AG TEAM #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH
Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D) vs. California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
…The CTU’s Andy Golatta hits a ‘Foul Pole’ low blow.  The CTU double team Big Oil and and get the first elimination of the match.  Corporate Might (R) eliminated.

At that point, Triple R attacks Big Labor.  The CTU and the Longshoremen quadruple team Triple R.  Triple R is thrown from the ring and Big Labor follows with the Longshoremen.  They drag Triple R to the back and the CTU gets the win via count-out.

Triple R (D) explains why he turned on the Democrat’s.  He says Democrats make unrealistic promises that they can never keep.  Triple R claims that when he returned to the D’s that he was promised a big push for the title.  Instead, he kept getting held back.  Tonight, is a night about real change that I can believe in.  Triple R rips off his shirt and pants and underneath he’s wearing his Rev. Randy Richardson (R) garb.  Richardson then brings out the God Squad (R).

Out walks Leader-PCW Executive Board Harry Reid (D-NV)and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)Pelosi tells the crowd to ignore Rev. Richardson because he has ulterior motives. Richardson blames Pelosi and says she’s the one responsible for promising him the moon and then cutting him off at the knees.  Pelosi gets her feathers ruffled and tells Richardson he worked for her and she used him in the way she thought best.  Reid says he worked for him and if Richardson wants to leave, fine, here’s your parting gift.

At once, The California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D), Big Labor (D), and The Longshoremen (D) attack Richardson and The God Squad.  Just as PCW heads to commercials, the Republicans run down to make the save…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Package
Linda McMahon (R-CT) announces she’s making a second run at the PCW Executive Committee.

Richard Blumenthal (D-Connecticut) vs. Linda McMahon (R-Connecticut) from PCW Extreme Election 2010
…McMahon to the outside.  Blumenthal with the baseball slide and takes McMahon down to the floor hard.  Now it’s Blumenthal who grabs a chair.  He raises it…he starts to swing…HE’S STOPPED?


Paul Levesque

Suave- HOLY CRAP!  HOLY F@#$#@ CRAP!  THAT’S TRIP-…ER…PAUL LEVESQUE!  HE’S HERE!  IN PCW!

Crowd- HOLY @#$#!  HOLY #$#@!  HOLY !@@#!

Levesque grabs the chair from Blumenthal who wisely returns to the ring.  The crowd goes off again when a female comes out and helps McMahon up.


Stephanie McMahon-Levesque

Suave- WHAT THE @#$#…THAT’S STEPHANIE McMAHON…LEVESQUE!

Blumenthal back in the ring.   Stephanie checks on Linda.  The elder McMahon then steps back into the ring.

Suave- Blumenthal looks a little unsure…kind of like that time Linda asked him how one creates a job.

They battle on the corner.  McMahon connects with a knee strike and a second one.  Blumenthal blocks a third one and hits a slingshot senton followed by a backbreaker.   McMahon hurls herself into the ropes but Blumenthal reverses a crossbody in midair into a power slam.  He covers.  McMahon kicks out at two…

Blumenthal ducks, spins her around, and slaps on the sleeper hold.

Suave- SLEEPER!  SLEEPER HOLD!

McMahon tries to reach the ropes but Blumenthal keeps her right in the center of the ring.

Suave- McMAHON’S IN TROUBLE!  SHE’S TOO FAR FROM THE ROPES…Oh, no.

Levesque pulls out a sledgehammer and climbs up on the apron behind Blumenthal.  He climbs into the ring and raises the sledgehammer.  Levesque swings…Blumenthal ducks at the last second…and McMahon gets it.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Levesque can’t believe it.  Mrs. Levesque can’t believe it.  McMahon’s out cold.  Blumenthal makes the cover…one…two…three.

WINNER: Richard Blumenthal (D) @ 11:49

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2- Women’s Tag Team #1 Contender’s Match
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Korey and Kelly (D)

-winner gets the Merchants of Death (R) for the Women’s Tag Team title at Lock and Load.

…McGill dropkicks Korey Korver off the apron.  Double top rope power bomb on Korey and McGill covers her for two.  The Mercenaries double wishbone Korey, but Kelly breaks it up. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List run.  Code Pink hits a Glitter Bomb on McGill and blinds her.  List goes low on Kovalevski and then hits a neckbreaker.

Kelly comes in and hits a a modified airplane spin on McGill.  Women for Women face plants Kovalevski on a chair set up in the corner.  Kelly and Korey hit simultaneous crossarm suplexes with a bridge to win.

WINNER: The Korver Sisters (D) @ 12:21

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
Jack and Joe Schmidt, the PCW Tag Team Champions, are unconscious on the hallway floor.  Above them…

Attack Watch (D).  He’s joined by The California Teacher’s Union (D) and the Longshoremen (D).   They mock the Schmidts and spit on them.

Suave, now finding himself without a match, improvises on the fly and decides to call for the Valora Salinas/Callie Urban title match from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Arch Wrestling Madness PPV as a precursor to their rematch on Sunday at Lock and Load.

Mollie: There’s the bell and the match is on.  Callie Urban versus Valora Salinas for the MVW Title…lock up in the middle of the ring…

Callie and Valora grapple for position.  They step back briefly.

Callie then whips around and snaps off a spinning heel kick that connects flush on Valora’s jaw.  Valora’s eyes roll back and she drops to her knees.

Mollie: URBAN HURT HER WITH THAT SPINNING KICK!  Urban into the ropes…BASEMENT DROP KICK!

Everyone in the arena is standing now.

Valora is bent backwards and then the rest of her body spins around.  She lays sideways on the mat and blood appears on the left side of her face.

KGB: She’s been knocked out?

Callie immediately hooks the legs.  The referee slides in…one…two…

Mollie: VALORA GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

A roar from the crowd as a dazed Valora tries to pull herself up.  Callie doesn’t let up.  She runs at Valora and hits a step up Shining Wizard move that sends Valora right back down.

Mollie: GENTRIFICATION!  COVER…ONE…TWO…NO!   VALORA GRABBED THE ROPE AGAIN.

The left side of Valora’s face is now covered in blood.

KGB: Mollie, that cut looks ominous.  Could they stop the match?

Mollie: I presume so, Kevin.  Let’s look at the replay…

REPLAY:
On the basement drop kick, the edge Callie’s boots dig into the skin above Valora’s left eye and cause a nasty gash to develop.  Blood began to stream out.

Callie hooks Valora’s legs, this time in the middle of the ring.  The referee makes the count…one…two… Valora kicks out.

Mollie: Callie is keeping the pressure on…

…Crowd: This is Awesome!

Dropkick by Valora, running senton!  Callie crawls back into the ring.

Mollie: Valora pulls Callie up off the mat…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!  COVER…ONE..TWO…NO!

Valora lifts Callie up…and plants her on her back.

Mollie: SPINEBUSTER BY VALORA.  COVER!  ONE…TWO…CALLIE KICKS OUT!

KGB: Not many people would get up from that.

Mollie:  TORNADO DDT!  VALORA COVERS…NO!  CALLIE KICKS OUT SOMEHOW.   VALORA IS THROWING EVERYTHING AT HER!

Valora pulls Callie up into a side headlock…

Mollie: IMPLANT DDT!  ANOTHER COVER!  YES- NOOOOOOOO!  CALLIE BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

Valora leaves Callie in a sitting position and climbs the top turnbuckle.  She jumps forward and nails Urban in the throat.

Mollie: FLYING FIRECROTCH GUILLOTINE LEG DROP!  COVER……NO!

Valora slams her hand on the mat.  She slides out of the ring and grabs a bag of something from underneath.  Then she throws it in the ring…

…Callie places Valora in an inverted facelock, and hooks her near arm with her free arm.  Callie pulls backwards and up and wrenches Valora’s neck and puts her knee under her back, adding more pressure.

Mollie: DRAGON SLEEPER!

Callie pulls hard and Valora begins to fade.  But she continues to fight every stretch of the way.

KGB: She’s not going to give up.  Someone needs to stop this.

Valora tries to move towards the ropes.

Mollie: I think the referee’s a little confused about what to do, Kevin.

KGB: To me it’s pretty simple, Valora’s life is worth a lot more than a belt. The match needs to stop now.

Valora pushes Callie even closer to the ropes.  Callie with a head butt to the back of Valora’s head.  She shifts and wraps her arm around Valora’s neck, pressing the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.  Then she wraps her legs around Valora’s and squeezes hard.

Blood now pools on the mat where Valora’s face is.

KGB throws off his headphones and gets up on the apron, screaming at the referee to stop the match.

The referee takes a close look at Valora- she’s unconscious- and immediately calls for the bell.  Medical personnel stream into the ring and attend to the former champion.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT:
PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) w/Justin Sufferable vs.
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
-the four participants in the Lock and Load tournament face off.

Another wild brawl.

… Daniel-San unloads skillet shots to Tanaka’s nuts.  Bahama moonsaults Scott through the table.   Bahama manages to put Daniel-San through another table.   Tanaka drags Daniel-San up to the top turnbuckle…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  He covers but the ref is distracted by Mrs. Miyagi on the outside.  Sufferable goes over and nails Mrs. Miyagi with a chairshot.   Tanaka regains the referee’s attention…1…2…3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 8:50

Suave takes one last look at the Lock and Load card:

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

Blackwell Rips Warring Parties at PCW House Show

PCW House Show
Richmond Coliseum
Richmond, Virginia
Wednesday July 20th, 2011

MATCH #1 Magnum PO’d (R) w/ Robyn Masters def. GreenPete w/ the Green World Order (D)
- after Magnum PO’d dominated the first half of the match, the Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, Peta from PETA, and PeaceNick)  ganged up on Magnum, and spent most of the match weakening him down.  Eventually, Robyn Mastersi came in and cleaned house, and Magnum hit his finisher on one for the win.

After the match, Peta from PETA, already agitated about GreenPete losing the previous match, gets on the microphone to denounce former WWE wrestler Shawn Michaels’s new Outdoor Channel Show “Shawn Michaels MacMillan River Adventures.”

Peta said in response to the show: “Jeffrey Dahmer ate everything he killed, too, but that didn’t justify taking innocent lives.”

Michaels stuns onlookers by coming out and then referee shows up in the ring?

MATCH #2 Shawn Michaels vs. Peta from PETA w/the Green World Order
um…Peta rushes forward…Sweet Chin Music by Michaels.  Michaels covers.  Match is over.

Fresh off winning the PCW King of Extreme title, Keith Olbermann walks out holding the belt up high along with his FOK buddies David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell.  Olbermann gloats about the party that Al Gore (D) threw for himself and his friends afterwards.   Olbermann says the party tonight is in celebration of “me”  as the world champion.

Then “Do You Hear the People Sing?” from the Les Miserables soundtrack interrupts Olbermann and out comes Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) followed by 25 of his Les Miserables.  Blackwell reiterates that no one is bigger than PCW, including Keith Olbermann’s big fat ego.  There’s a Charlie Blackwell chant.  Blackwell talks about how the current PCW budget impasse shouldn’t be about ego and party.  He denounces the rich fat cats in both parties more concerned about protecting their seat and placating special interest groups than making the hard decisions that need to be made.

Olbermann is, predictably, quite irate with Blackwell’s interruption and taunts him with ‘at least I have a nightly cable TV show.  How about you?’  Blackwell retorts that he could put together a show with wrestling finger puppets and pull the same rating Olbermann pulls at Current TV.

Blackwell then gets jumped by Triple R (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and then the Les Miserables get involved creating quite the scrum.

In the aftermath, guest ring announcer Jamie Chung announces that tonight’s main event will be Charlie Blackwell vs. Triple R.

MATCH #3 Joe Walsh (R-IL) vs. ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews (D)
- Walsh and Matthews have huge issues with each other after Walsh’s contentious appearance on Matthews’s show.  Matthews goes for the Biovator but Walsh blocks it and connects with the Freshmen Flush to get the win.

Backstage, Olbermann threatens Blackwell for attacking him and Triple R says he’s leaving on a stretcher.  Triple R says he has a lot of aces in the hole, such as the ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism and his valets, The Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim, Courtney, and Chloe).

MATCH #4 The California Teacher’s Union (D) (“Foul Pole” Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty) w/pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) vs. Rough Justice (R) (D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired because of their extreme brand of law enforcement)
-The CTU is trying to angle themselves back into the Tag Team title picture.  Rough Justice is better known for being hired muscle or enforcers than for their wrestling.  Rough Justice puts up a valiant fight but Andy Golatta’s ‘Foul Pole’ low blows turn the tide.  Malibu Dusty gets the pin for the CTU with a simple roll up of Ruff.

In the lobby, there’s a pie throwing boot.  People are lined up and down the lobby waiting for their shot.  A woman, face covered in white Kool-Whip, leaves the the back of the booth.

Rupert Murdoch walks in.  “Where do I stand?”

MATCH #5 Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann vs. James the Jeep Worker (D) w/ Big Labor and the CTU
- Average Joe tries to bring the Tea Party a win over Democrat James the Jeep Worker.  The match was just there at first until Bachmann came down with a migraine headache.  Big Labor and the California Teacher’s Union then interfere and help James the Jeep Worker get over.

Backstage, PCW CEO Barack Obama, with PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka beside him, is talking with the ‘Gang of Six.’   Then he walks to the podium.

Obama: We now are seeing the potential for a bipartisan consensus.  The proposal by the Gang of Six  is “broadly consistent” with what I have sought.”

Eric Cantor, The Tea Party, and Grover Norquist: “NO NEW TAXES!”

Nancy Pelosi, AFL/CIO President Richard Trumka, and Bernie Sanders: “NO CUTS IN ENTITLEMENTS.

Obama: This proposal from the bipartisan group is “good news” in the ongoing showdown over the debt limit, and may signal a path to compromise and “a very significant step forward.”

Eric Cantor, The Tea Party, and Grover Norquist: “NO NEW TAXES!”

Nancy Pelosi, AFL/CIO President Richard Trumka, and Bernie Sanders: “NO CUTS IN ENTITLEMENTS.

Obama: We’re in the 11th hour and we don’t have a lot of time left.  My team will study the plan and I would urge congressional leaders to start negotiating based on its framework.

Eric Cantor, The Tea Party, and Grover Norquist: “NO NEW TAXES!”

Nancy Pelosi, AFL/CIO President Richard Trumka, and Bernie Sanders: “NO CUTS IN ENTITLEMENTS.

MATCH #6 PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers (Jack and Joe) (R) w/Ron Paul and Jim Schmidt vs. The Bureaucrats (Jordan Metzger and Andy Riley) (D)
- It was what it was. The Schmidts easily handled their opponents early on.  Then Metzger and Riley rallied for a bit before Jack came in and cleaned house.  Stereo Schmidt-Bricks ended it.

Post match, the Schmidt’s Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber chase The Bureaucrats to the back.

MAIN EVENT: Charlie Blackwell (AmHeart) w/Kenzie Blackwell and his Les Miserables vs. Triple R (D) w/Big Labor
- wild brawl that went all over the arena. 
- Bill Maher and Ed Schultz came out and started taunting and saying derogatory things about Kenzie Blackwell.   “The Queen of Political Extreme” Ann Coulter raced down and delivered a double clothesline to Maher and Schultz.
- then the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters, and Katrina Vanden Heuvel of the Nation intervene.
- this brings down the Right Wing Brigadiers (Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh) and the match breaks down from there.

Tanaka (D) Retains Against Blackwell (I) and His Les Miserables: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 Recap

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 PPV
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Monday June 20th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave


Yamamoto Tanaka
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) held off a stiff challenge from Independent Charlie Blackwell tonight to hold on the PCW Title at tonight’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 pay per view show.


Charlie Blackwell
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

Blackwell’s ‘Les Miserables’ couldn’t overcome Democrat Tanaka’s back up from Big Labor (D) and an angry California Teacher’s Union (Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty), who were looking for payback after losing the PCW Tag Team title earlier in the night.  Blackwell had Tanaka set for the Katahajime but Big Labor snuck in and tripped the challenger and the champion smashed him against the turnbuckle.  Then Tanaka pulled Blackwell to the top and hit his Japanese Superdestroyer to put his exclamation point on the match.

As mentioned, The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe accompanied by brother Jim Schmidt and Ron Paul (R) became three time PCW Tag Team Champions after defeating the California Teachers Union (Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty w/pet Governor Jerry Brown) (D).

Jack and Joe Schmidt hit a double ‘Schmidt brick’ on Golatta late in the match and Paul tripped up Malibu Dusty before she could make the save.  Earlier in the match, Big Labor and Triple R (D) ran out to assist the former champions but were run off by Charlie Blackwell and his ‘Les Miserables.’


Daniel-San
HT: 5’10″  WT: 180
HOME: Newark, New Jersey
FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

Daniel-San (I) defeated ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) to become the new PCW Television Champion.   Chism was originally supposed to face Herman Cain’s protegee ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) but the then PCW Tag Team Champions California Teacher’s Union (Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty) along with Triple R and Big Labor (D) attacked Jackson backstage.  Chism was getting ready to declare himself the winner when Daniel-San attacked him from behind and put him in the Cattle Mutilation.  Daniel-San’s tag team partner ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Jackson cleared out the CTU and Triple R and Big Labor and Chism had no choice but to tap out.

Here are the results from tonight:

#2 w/’The Vest’ Jim Tressel (I) vs. ‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky (I)
-
#2 used help from ‘The Vest’ Jim Tressel, Dennis Talbott, a Columbus businessman and a freelance sports photographer, several Columbus area auto dealers, and Edward Rife, a Columbus tattoo parlor owner to dominate early on.  But Hrabosky’s scrappy style began to pay dividends later on the match and then Auburn’s Heisman Trophy winner, and fellow #2, Cam Newton ran down and clocked #2 from behind. 

Hrabosky then hit his finisher and pulled off the surprise win @ 9:41.

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (AmHeartland) and Daniel-San (I) vs. Dann Armey and Brad Company (R)
-This match never got under way as the PCW Tag Team Champions California Teacher’s Union (Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty w/pet Governor Jerry Brown) (D) along with Big Labor and Triple R (D) attacked both teams before the bell.  Golatta went after his former tag team partner Daniel-San and hit a pair of ‘Foul Poles’ on him and Big Labor laid out Escondido, Armey, and Company with the Scab-buster.

We go to the back where PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) arrives in a limousine.  He arrives with Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi (D).   Pelosi’s head pops through the sun roof in the limo and she wants to dedicate Tanaka’s impending victory to all Americans because the Democrats care about middle America.

Elsewhere in the back, PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews  Daniel-San.  Daniel-San vows that he will get revenge tonight on Golatta and the Democrats.

Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) gloat about the high gas prices and how much money in the market they’ve made because of it.

‘The So-Called Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D) vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
-in a wild one, late in the match Big Oil rolls out of the ring, and gets nailed by Big Labor who drags him all around ringside.  AFL-CIO leader Richard Trumka, who came down earlier in the match, verbally berates Big Oil.  Big Oil gets away from Big Labor and drags Trumka over the announce table and chokes him with a microphone cable as the crowd goes wild.  That gives Triple R a chance to nail Big Oil from behind with a steel chair three times.   Walstreit grabs his briefcase and heads over, but Big Labor takes the briefcase from him and whaps him in the face with it.  Big Labor rolls Big Oil back in the ring.  Big Labor catches him with a kick to the gut and follows up with the Scab-buster for the three count @ 15:23

Backstage, Code Pink…


Code Pink

…attacked Republican Michele Bachmann…

…by hitting her with a glitter bomb.  Bachmann responds by drilling Code Pink with a steel folding chair.  Who wins?

Extreme Death Chamber Match:
The Right Wing Blogging Brigadiers: Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, with Michelle Malkin vs. The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Rachel Maddow, Markos Moulitsas, Professor Paul Krugman, with Arianna Huffington
- Limbaugh came out first and was locked in with a barbed wire baseball bat. Maddow was second and was locked in with a steel chair. O’Reilly was third and was locked in with a crowbar. Markos was fourth and was locked in with a table. Krugman and Coulter started the match. They went back and forth with Krugman hitting a clothesline and Coulter hitting her own clothesline. They fought to the steel outside the ring and Krugman missed a dive off the top ropes but caught himself on the cage and jumped down on Coulter who moved. Coulter took control, slamming Krugman into steel and fence. Coulter went to the top but got hit with Krugman ‘s boot coming down. Krugman hit a leg drop from inside the ring to the outside and then went for a suplex but Coulter reversed it and suplexed Krugman back into the ring. Coulter and Krugman went at it in the ring as Maddow with steel chair got released.  She ran out and nailed Coulter with the chair.   Krugman then nailed Coulter with the Terminator. Coulter recovered and took control, bloodying Krugman with a legdrop on a chair on Krugman.  Coulter eventually grabbed Maddow and threw her upside down into the Chamber fence.  Coulter focused on Maddow as Michelle Malkin yelled for her to eliminate somebody. Coulter nailed Maddow with superplex. Krugman tried to sneak a pin in on Coulter but Coulter kicked out. Coulter tried to pin Maddow but she also kicked out. O’Reilly then entered with a crowbar and nailed Maddow.  He choked out Maddow as Krugman went to work on Coulter.  Krugman clotheslined Coulter and then hit O’Reilly with a chair.  He then hit Coulter with the chair and hit a dropkick with the chair.   O’Reilly hit the Frog Splash on Maddow for the pin, eliminating Maddow.

Krugman nailed Coulter with a high kick for the pin, eliminating Coulter.

O’Reilly went to work on Krugman, drilling him with a chair and then suplexing him. He then climbed the pod and crushed him with an elbow on a chair for the pin, eliminating Krugman.

It came time for Markos to enter and he quickly went to work on O’Reilly, destroying him and eventually spearing him for the pin, eliminating O’Reilly.

This just left Markos in the ring alone, so he brought his table in as Malkin talked to Limbaugh. Limbaugh finally entered with his baseball bat as Markos fought back with a chair. Markos took control and rammed Limbaugh’s head into the chamber, busting Limbaugh open. Limbaugh fought back, Markos countered it into a DDT followed by the spear.   Malkin slipped into the chamber and grabbed on to Markos’s leg.  This allowed Limbaugh to toss Markos into the fence before going for the Choke Slam and the win @ 17:40

PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c) (D) vs. Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) with Herman Cain (R)
-
Daniel-San (I) replaced Jackson and won the PCW Television Title with the Cattle Mutilation @ :40.

PCW Tag Team Title Match
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (c) (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R)
-
The Schmidt Brothers defeat the CTU to win the PCW Tag Team Title @ 12:22

PCW Title Match
Yamamoto Tanaka (c) (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland)
-Tanaka retains over Blackwell @ 14:11

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PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 Card for This Monday Night

The seventh edition of PCW’s first and longest running pay per view show is set for this weekend. Loose Cannons Unleashed 7 hits the airwaves next Monday night live from PCW’s spiritual home, Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio.

Here’s the card:

#2 w/’The Vest’ Jim Tressel (I) vs. ‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky (I)
- #2 has made a splash since joining PCW two weeks ago. Hrabosky is looking for revenge after losing to #2 thanks to various outside interference.

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (AmHeartland) and Daniel-San (I) vs. Dann Armey and Brad Company (R)
-with Charlie Blackwell moving into singles, Escondido has been looking for a replacement tag team partner. He may have the perfect one in Independent superstar Daniel-San. Dann Armey and Brad Company are tagging together for the first time.

‘The So-Called Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D) vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
-classic matchup between big labor and big business.

The Right Wing Blogging Brigadiers: Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin vs. The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman
-another pundit/blogger grudge match that PCW specializes in.

PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c) (D) vs. Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) with Herman Cain (R)

-Jackson is rising fast within the PCW ranks with the guidance of Cain. Chism has held a stranglehold on the PCW TV Title for several months now. Can Jackson dethrone him?

PCW Tag Team Title Match
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (c) (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R)

-will the recent controversy over the revelation that Malibu Dusty is in fact a woman be a distraction to the CTU? Can the Schmidts become 3-time PCW Tag Team Champions?

PCW Title Match
Yamamoto Tanaka (c) (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland)

-Tanaka lost to Blackwell a year and a half ago.  Since then, Tanaka has become a three time PCW Champion. And Blackwell is slowly finding himself leading his group of Les Miserables. Can Blackwell become the youngest PCW Champion ever at age 22? Will the Democrats go to war to protect the PCW title?

Weiner Comes Clean/Joe The Plumber Returns: 6/6-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Cambria County War Memorial Arena
Johnstown, PA
Monday June 6, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
60 Minutes

OPENING MATCH

‘The Human Lie Detector’ Ace of Spades
vs.

Lee Stranahan

With special guest referee:


Anthony Weiner (D-NY)

The storyline here was that both men had been sniping hard at each other over the coverage of the Anthony Weiner story.  Stranahan believed at first that it was possible someone set Weiner up.   Ace of Spades thought Weiner was behind it all along.

And yes, I felt incredibly uncomfortable typing those last two sentences. 

MATCH RESULT:

Before the bell rang…


Andrew Breitbart (R)

…hits the ring and attacks Weiner with a steel-folding chair while Stranahan and Ace of Spades, both bewildered, watched.  After Breitbart’s done, he pulls out a folded manila envelope containing photos and throws it on Weiner’s chest. 

WINNER: No Contest @ 1:53

MATCH #2- TV Title Shot Elimination Match

‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (D) w/The Green World Order
vs.

Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland)
vs.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w…


Herman Cain (R) and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Guy’ Tessa Martin

Jackson and Worth quickly made quick work of the Extreme Vegan and eliminated him at the 3:44 mark.

Jackson nails a dropkick for a two count.  Worth gets in a couple of chops, but gets sent into the corner and Jackson hits a back leg lariat.  He nails two running clotheslines and then a side kick, followed by a standing moonsault for two.  Jackson with the windmill kick and then climbs to the top rope.  Worth rolls away and grabs a chair outside the ring.  The American Trucker misses a chair shot, and Jackson takes advantage.  A couple of kicks decks Worth and Jackson picks up the chair.  He nails Worth with the chair and makes the cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) @ 8:52

MATCH #3- Tag Team Title Shot Elimination Match


‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Daniel-San (I)
vs.
Jack and Joe Schmidt w/Ron Paul (R)
vs.

Big Labor and Triple R (D)

Escondido runs into the bad end of a Big Labor ‘Labor Stoppage’ and gets his team eliminated.

Big Labor picks up Jack Schmidt to throw him through a table, but  Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables run out and takes out the big man, followed by Big Labor.   Blackwell dropkicks a chair into Triple R’s face, and then planchas over the ropes and onto Emily List and Code Pink on the ring floor.  Triple R tries to revive the ladies, but Blackwell attacks from behind and sets up the chair.  Big Oil jumps off the chair but Blackwell hits the superkick in mid air

The Right Wing Blogging Brigadiers…


Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin

…run out.  Big Labor body slams Jack Schmidt THROUGH the table.   Limbaugh and O’Reilly take off and hit a double clothesline on Triple R.


Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers run in and we have yet another brawl.  Big Labor drags Jack onto Triple R and goes for the win.  But Joe Schmidt runs in and makes the save.  Out of nowhere, Joe gets his hand on a brick and blasts Triple R with it.  Joe gets another brick and nails Big Labor with it. Joe drags Jack over and that’s that…1…2…3.

WINNER: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R) @ 10:39

Post match, Paul slides in two tables and sets it up.  Jack and Joe pick Triple R up and choke slams him right through the table.   Then Big Labor is set up for the second table.

The PCW Tag Team Champions California Teacher’s Union (‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty) run down and make the save on Big Labor.  Golatta and Dusty point at the Schmidt Brothers and talk trash back and forth with them.

MATCH #4 PCW Title Shot


Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) w/Kenzie and the Les Miserables
vs.
Andy Riley (D)

…Blackwell lays a chair on Riley.  Blackwell grabs another and goes up top…FLYING CHAIR DROP! Blackwell for the win 1…2…NO!  Riley somehow kicked out.   Riley out to the floor and gets a table.  He slides it into the ring and sets it up.  Riley tries to powerbomb Blackwell through the table…Blackwell gets a sunset flip for 2.

Here comes Big Labor and Triple R (D)!  Clothesline by Triple R and Blackwell is down.   Big Labor tears the cover off the top turnbuckle and Triple R rams Blackwell’s face into the exposed buckle.  Blackwell’s busted open…and now the Les Miserables have surrounded the ring on the apron.   Triple R starts jawing with one of them and the situation becomes explosive.  One of the Miserables, Grant, goes up top…leaping sidekick connects on Triple R.  Another Miserables, Enriques, hops in and pummels Triple R.  Big Labor tries to get at them but Blackwell throws him on the table and one leg breaks.   Blackwell up top…plancha onto Andy Riley!  Now Big Labor up top…he jumps, Blackwell moves, and Big Labor puts Riley through a table!  Blackwell covers 1…2…3.

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) @ 12:17

Other notable happenings:

-After the Blackwell-Riley Main Event, the Les Miserables paraded Blackwell to the back singing “Can You Hear the People Sing?” from the musical Les Miserables to end the show.

-Rick Santorum (R) announced his intention to run for PCW CEO next year.  Very few people noticed as…

-…after initially denying the reports, Anthony Weiner (D-NY) finally fessed up to sending photos and participating in on-line chats – even intimate phone calls – with at least six women over the last three years.   Weiner called his behavior “destructive,” since he continued communicating with women and sending them risque photos after he was married.

This brought out…


Nancy Pelosi (D)

Pelosi called for an investigation to determine if Weiner had violated any ethics rules or used PCW resources. Weiner said he would cooperate fully.

-Andrew Breitbart (R) is interviewed by PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the Weiner situation.  Breitback unloads on Weiner: “”I want to hear the truth. I want to hear the truth from Weiner and I would like an apology for him being complicit in a blame-the-messenger strategy.  I am accused of being a hacker. He said nothing. He allowed for that to go. The minions perpetuated that false, maliciousness meme and he went on to CNN to attack me and I feel he was complicit.”

-James the Jeep Worker, PCW CEO Barack Obama’s new friend from Toledo, Ohio, again speaks out in favor of Obama backstage.  “I’m very thankful to be back to work, and it’s only because of the decision that the President made to save the auto industry that I was afforded [the chance] to come back to work.”

Then Joe the Plumber came in out of nowhere and tackled James.  They brawled before officials from both sides were able to pry them apart.  Will we see a James vs. Joe matchup before long.

-In the shocker of the night, Weiner comes out a second time and apologizes to Andrew Breitbart of all people.

-The title matches have been determined for the PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed PPV show in two weeks:

PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c) (D) vs. Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (c) (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R)

PCW Title Match
Yamamoto Tanaka (c) (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland)

More matches to be determined.

Olbermann vs. Beck Starts the Show: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part One

*1o bell salute in memory of Geraldine Ferraro*

The sold-out crowd then starts to chant: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW


Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

Suave is in the ring and welcomes everyone to PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.  He starts running down the card when…


Former MSNBC Left Wing Commentator Keith Olbermann

…a smirking Olbermann walks out and climbs into the ring.  Olbermann has a microphone and he calls the PCW World Arguing Champion Glenn Beck out.  Suave wants to know what he’s up to seeing as they’re supposed to wrestle momentarily.  Beck…


Glenn Beck (Fox News)

…comes out and wonders what the heck is going on.

Olbermann then informs him that it’s useless and counterproductive for him to match up against a conservative and since he’s clearly superior to Beck- could Beck just leave the belt in the ring for him and leave?

Beck busts out laughing which infuriates Olbermann.  Olbermann calls Beck ‘Lonesome Rhodes’ and demands he turn over the PCW WAC belt.  Beck refuses and tells Olbermann to come take it from him.  Olbermann yells something to the back and then…

Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play. The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…


The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore immediately goes over to Beck and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him.  Then…


David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell

…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Glenn Beck.  Olbermann urges them on.  Moore rips the PCW ‘WAC’ title away from Beck and hands it to Olbermann in the ring.

Olbermann holds the belt up high and…


Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin

…gets blindsided by ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter.  The WAC belt goes flying as Olbermann sprawls to the mat.  Coulter and Limbaugh stomp away at the former MSNBC commentator.  Malkin climbs to the top turnbuckle and splashes Moore and Mitchell while O’Reilly throws Shuster into the steel guardrail.  Gore canes O’Reilly.


Andrew Breitbart and Sean Hannity

Breitbart and Hannity race down and tackle Gore…


Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman

…the Angry Left-Wing Bloggers wade in and it’s an all-out free for all now.   This goes on for a couple minutes until the lights goes down.

Suave wonders what’s going on.  A spotlight illuminates the back.


Charlie and Kenzie Blackwell (American Heartland)

Blackwell and his wife simply stand in the back and watch the brawl going on.  Then a piano playing singlets is heard and…

*Do You Hear the People Sing? from the musical Les Miserables begins to play*

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

All action stops in the ring area as more people walk out and join the Blackwells.  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido also walks out.


‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland)

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

Blackwell motions to the group, now about fifty strong, and they begin to march towards the ring.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!


Ken Worth- The American Trucker and Tequila Sheila (American Heartland)

Worth and Sheila also join the procession.

Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Blackwell and the group chase off the partisan pundits and pile into the ring.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!


‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D) w/Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their extreme brand of justice.

Blackwell and Escondido see Big Labor and Triple R coming to the ring and don’t wait.  They meet the Democrats in the aisle and it’s on.

MATCH #2- NO DISQUALIFICATION, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
HARDCORE KINETIC MILITARY ACTION MATCH
Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland)
vs.
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D)

Both teams eventually make it into the ring and the brawl continues.

Blackwell and Big Labor (Green shirt) hook up.  Triple R and Escondido (on the ropes) hook up.  The Democrats take control early on Big Labor clocks Blackwell with a lariat. Triple R works Escondido’s arm and then uses his own European Uppercuts.

The referee gets speared by Triple R and the Democrats take it up a notch.  Big slam by Big Labor plants Escondido.  Triple R lays in the chops on Blackwell before hitting a belly to belly suplex.  Triple R makes the cover but Blackwell kicks out easily.

The referee slowly gets back into it.  Big Labor slams Escondido again while Triple R assaults Blackwell with lefts and rights.   Escondido flips over another Big Labor lariat but gets winged with a superkick by Triple R and then lariat by Big Labor.  Triple R makes the cover…for 2.

Escondido rolls out of the ring and tries to regain his bearings.  Triple R follows leaving Big Labor and Charlie Blackwell in the ring alone.   Triple R suplexes Escondido ONTO the steel guardrail and nearly snaps him in half.  Blackwell and Big Labor engage in a verbal jousting match.

Big Labor and Blackwell continue their debate as Escondido gets mugged by Triple R.

Finally, Big Labor snaps and slugs Blackwell.  Big Labor lifts him by the throat and drives him to the mat.  Cover…Blackwell out at two.

Triple R takes a run at Blackwell so Big Labor takes after Escondido.  The Democrats remain firmly in control of the match as it enters the seventh minute.

Finally, in the eighth minute, Escondido makes his move and cinches in a Full Nelson on Big Labor.  Blackwell has had enough abuse at the hands of both Triple R and Big Labor so he goes out and gets himself a steel folding chair.

Triple R has Escondido in the Abdominal Stretch until Blackwell hits him with the chair.  Blackwell lays out Big Labor and then repeatedly drills Triple R over and over with the steel chair.

Now it’s the American Heartlanders who seize control of the match.  Blackwell continues to rain down chairshots on Big Labor who tries to cover up as best he can.

Dazed, Big Labor staggers right into an Escondido swinging neckbreaker.  Escondido covers…Big Labor with the big kick out at 2.

Then Escondido gets into the act with a Singapore cane and whips Big Labor with it.   Another chairshot by Blackwell on Triple R sends the Democrat to the mat.  Blackwell and Escondido have all the momentum on their side now.

Escondido continues to rain down cane shots on Big Labor.   Triple R tries to re-establish some momentum but a spinebuster is countered right into a DDT.   Blackwell takes his time going up top, a huge mistake, and allows Triple R to hit Bicycle Kick for 2.  Triple R with an European Uppercut and covers…he gets 2.  Triple R tries a power move but Blackwell counters with a rana on the way down.

Blackwell and Triple R continue to brawl.  Escondido helps Charlie doubleteam Triple R and then Big Labor wakes back up and lumbers over.  He calls for a ladder and goes out and back to get one.  Blackwell finds another chair to use.

Here we go.  Blackwell waffles Triple R with the chair.  Big Labor misses Escondido with the ladder and cuts Triple R down by mistake.

Blackwell makes sure Triple R stays down while Escondido lays the chops in on Big Labor.  Standing drop kick sends Big Labor to the mat.  Escondido whips around and slaps on an ankle lock.  That takes whatever starch was left in the big man.

Escondido covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland) @ 14:53

Suave looks around for Rough Justice and finds that they’re trapped and surrounded by the fifty people who came down to the ring.

Blackwell climbs out of the ring and takes the PCW ‘WAC’ belt from his wife Kenzie.  He lays it down on the floor outside the ring.  Escondido douses it with lighter fluid.  Blackwell sets it on fire and tosses it in a burn barrel.  The group of fifty who came down with them follows Blackwell, his wife, and Escondido as they head back up the aisle after the match.

*Finale from Les Miserables begins to play*

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes…
Tomorrow comes!

Part Four: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5- Will Dick Cheney be waterboarded?

E-FEDERATION NEWS FROM THE E-WRESTLING WORLD- highlights, news, and the best from other E-Wrestling Federations.

SWF Folds
Not a week after signing on with High Octane TV, the Superstar Wrestling Federation suddenly shut down all operations last weekend.

No explanation has been given so far but the Titan Zone has reported that a possible merger with the Future Wrestling League could be in the works.The bigger question is what does HOTv do now. If the SWF merges with the FWL, will that organization take SWF’s spot? We probably won’t find out until after High Octane Wrestling’s War Games pay per view show takes place on June 8th.

LEGACY OF CHAMPIONS RETURNS
LoC returned with a big prime time show May 31st. Violence 31 featured Shawn Hart defeating Kenshiro Inogami for the Legacy Championship.

SIMCOE COUNTY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING RETURNS
The SCCW also returned with Aggression on Monday night headlined by a wild tag team main event between S&M and Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and Rayne Young. S&M scored the win when Scarlett hit Young with a reverse DDT and Patrick McCarthy followed with a Leap of Faith for the victory.

GWO’s FIRST SHOW
The first edition of Genocidal Wrestling Organization’s “GWO Punishment!” hit the airwaves May 31st with the crowning of the first GWO Global Champion ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg who pins Tommy Glass to win the title.

POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING
On PCW On P-SPAN: Big Oil/Kirk Walstreit and Cadillac/Jaguar advanced on to the PCW Tag Team Title Match at PCW’s upcoming PPV Loose Cannons Unleashed 5.

PCW Extreme Political TV: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and the Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter defeats Code Pink and Janeane Garofalo in a knock down drag out preview of Garofalo’s upcoming showdown with Coulter.

FANS WRESTLING ORGANIZATION
In a hardcore classic on FWO reAction, High Flyer defeated Krow to become the new FWO World Champion.

DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION
Miss USA retains the DWF Women’s title by defeating Caroline Kelly with the Patriot Missile dropkick.Team Danger’s Tyrone Walker survives a 17 man Mini Dream Rumble. Next week, he and fellow Team Danger member Stephen Greer will meet in a ‘rock, paper, scissors’ match to decide who gets to meet the winner of Dark/Eric Payne for the DWF Heavyweight title.

HOSTILITY WRESTLING FEDERATION
At Hostility’s South of Heaven PPV:-Don Tiago and Ronnie McNeil are named Hostility’s first Tag Team champions-’Beautiful’ Bobby Dean defeats Hostility Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe, AirStrife, Ronnie McNeil, and Alexander Anarchy to become the new Extreme Champion-Xander Daniels wins the Hostility Aversion title in an Inferno Match with previous champion Hooligan.-Steven Steele pins Hostility Champion Talon when Chris Bond on the champion and Steele hits his Foreplay finisher to win the title.

PRO WRESTLING FURY
Pro Wrestling Fury held its Dream + Infinite IV show this past weekend with a whopping 14 match card highlighted by Ryo Inoue’s successful F-MAX Unified Heavyweight defense against “Mr. 300″ Kazuma Fujita, Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe winning the F-MAX Tag Team title, and Hiroaki Nakata winning the WWA National Heavyweight champion.

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E-WRESTLER OF THE WEEK:

5. ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg- Genocidal Wrestling Organization.
Borg’s gimmick is one of the best in E-Wrestling (in our opinion) and he defeats Tommy Glass to become the first GWO champion.

4. Hiroaki Nakata- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Defeated Tatsumichi Akamatsu to become the 20th WWA National Heavyweight Champion at Dream + Infinite IV.

3. “Beautiful” Bobby Dean – Hostility
Defeated Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe and three other wrestlers to claim the Hostility Extreme title at South of Heaven.

2. Xander Daniels- Hostility
Defeated Hostility Aversion champion Hooligan in an Inferno match to become the new Aversion champion.

1. Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Won the F-Max Tag Team title at Dream + Infinite IV from TAKU & Mastodon Fukuda in a 4 1/2 star spectacular.

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Suave: “Back to the ring.”

Charlene Ann: “It’s time for our next match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Toledo, OH, a member of Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance, it’s Quadruple R- Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “Randy’s still not very liked here…can’t imagine why.”

Charlene Ann: “His opponent weighs in tonight at 245 pounds. From Ottumwa, Iowa, a member of Progressive Alliance, and accompanied by Rahm Emanuel, it’s Starz N. Stripes!” The crowd cheers. Suave: “Okay. Starz vs. Quad R. The stipulation in this match is pretty simple: if Starz loses, he’s going to get waterboarded at Club Gitmo. If Starz wins, he gets 15 minutes with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo. These two have met several times in the past couple years. Their latest match was three weeks ago on PCW Extreme Political TV. Starz looked very good and Quad R seemed rusty in that match. Quad R attacked Starz last week and that’s why we’re here tonight.”

MATCH #7
STARZ N. STRIPES w/Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘QUAD R’ RANDY ROAD RAGE RICHARDSON (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)

The bell sounds. Quad R comes out quickly and kicks Starz N. Stripes in the groin. Suave: “Quadruple R going low early on. But Starz legsweeps ‘Road Rage’ right back. Rake to the face by Starz. A SECOND LOW BLOW BY QUAD R! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX BY QUAD R AND STARZ IS HURTING NOW!” Quad R throws Starz to the floor. He then flings Starz to the ring steps. Suave: “The edge of the ring steps cut Starz N. Stripes like a blade. Starz N. Stripes is bleeding big time. Quad R with a huge gutbuster and Starz is in trouble. Quad R hits Starz with the back of his elbow. Starz responds with a reverse atomic drop. Starz is going for the piledriver… YES! He piledrives Quad R right into the floor.

Both men move back into the ring. Suave: “Starz hits a swinging bulldog. Quad R rakes the eyes and hits a backward kick. Quad R follows with a running powerbomb on to the mat. Starz back to his feet. BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT INSIDE THE RING.” Big Oil grabs Starz from behind and hits a fall away slam. Suave: “Starz not ready for that one. Now he’s in serious trouble as Quad R takes him up to the top rope.” Table now set up outside the ring. POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!”

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Justin Sufferable run to the ring. Escondido finds Quad R in the corner of the ring. Escondido tries to lift Quad R for a Powerslam but is unable to lift. Big Oil punches Starz N. Stripes repeatedly. Big Oil hooks Starz N. Stripes’s arms….Double Underhook Powerbomb on an open chair! Suave: “It’s gotten a bit loose in there. Justin Sufferable clotheslines Quad R. Sufferable with a chair *CLANG* Chairshot to Quad R. Kirk Walstreit sends Starz to the corner of the ring. Walstreit opens up another chair and then whips Starz into the ropes…Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair! RAHM EMANUEL’S IN THE RING. Clotheslines to Quad R. Now raking the face of Quad R.”

Starz N. Stripes grabs him. He spins him upside down. Suave: “He’s going for the piledriver…..YES! Cover! One. Two. Three!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, Starz N. Stripes!” Suave: “And you know what that means…15 minutes alone with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo!” Escondido and PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama drag Dick Cheney to Club Gitmo. Dick tries to get away but Escondido and Bahama have things well under control. They take Dick inside followed by Starz N. Stripes. The doors close.

——————

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein walks to the ring carrying a large box. Bernstein: “Okay. I have some breaking news to report. I have in my possession a copy of some x-rays taken earlier today of Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie. It appears BMW has a severe neurological problem that he has received treatment for the past two years. Any bump or several movement or trauma can cause him to black out instantly.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT PRETTY MUCH MEANS BMW’S CAREER IS OVER ALREADY!”

This brings out Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and a fuming CFO Gordon Guyko. Guyko: “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU SPENT WELL OVER A MILLION DOLLARS ON A WRESTLER WHO CAN’T WRESTLE? THAT’S IT! WE’RE THROUGH! I’M PULLING MY INVESTORS AND YOU’RE DONE.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Guyko’s pulling out. Guyko’s pulling out! WE ARE WATCHING THE DISINTEGRATION OF DOMINATION INC.!”

McMann: “Bring him out now!” Guyko: “He can’t wrestle!” McMann: “Sure he can. I said bring him out.”

*Def’ Leppard’s Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

Suave: “HOLD IT A SEC! IS HE BACK?” The Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot appears. WTF has a microphone. WTF: “Mr. McMann, he’s not wrestling!: The crowd stands and cheers. McMann: “I said for you to go get BMW.” WTF: “Ain’t happening.” McMann: “I’m not asking you…I’m telling you.” WTF: “What I’m saying is there’s no way in hell he’s wrestling tonight or ever again.” McMann is taken aback. McMann: “How do YOU know?” WTF: “Because, Mr. McMann. I’M THE MOLE!” The crowd explodes. Crowd: “What the f***! What the f***!” Suave: “IT WAS HIM! THE MOLE WAS WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT ALL ALONG AND McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” McMann stands, mouth agape, completely still. McMann stares off into space. Suave: “HE’S IN A STATE OF COMPLETTE SHOCK! THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE END OF THIS YET. WE’LL SEE YOU WEDNESDAY NIGHT WITH MORE FROM PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED. SEE YOU THEN.

———————-

CNN, Caucus

Part Three: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5- Daily Kos, Media Matters, Jane Hamsher, & Arianna Huffington vs. Dana Perino, Andrew Card, Ari Fleischer, and Karl Rove, plus PCW Women’s Title Match

ISLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS LOCKER ROOM
Another week; another locker room full of somber and depressed Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious, Michael Hunt and Richard Headd of Guys with Unfortunate Names, Dick Van Dam, Jimmy from So Cal, and Dread Pirate Douggie). Movie Classic walks in holding a DVD. Movie Classic: “My goodness. This is PCW’s flagship event! Loose Cannons Unleashed 5. This is an exciting event. Why…why the down faces?” Richard Headd: “Because, none of us are on the show.” Dread Pirate Douggie: “Talent enhancement never makes the big show.” Movie Classic: “So none of you made the big show. So what? I think we’ve made our mark the last couple weeks?”

REPLAY: 5/27 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- A stunning upset takes place
BMW leans in…CLAW! THE CLAWHOLD! BARON VON MUNCHKE’S GOT THE CLAW INNNNNN.” BMW swats the hand away and drills Von Munchke with the powerbomb.
Suave: “That’ll take the steam right out of you! BMW stalking Baron Von Munchke now…WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S…THAT’S THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION SNAFU! HE’S ON THE TOP ROPE!” SNAFU jumps and crashes the TV Title belt on the top of BMW’s head. BMW collapses in a heap. The crowd stands up. McMann’s eyes bulge out. Suave: “WAIT! HE’S…HE’S OUT!” Baron Von Munchke returns to a sitting position. Suave: “HE’S BEEN KNOCKED OUT!” Movie Classic can’t believe it either. Movie Classic: “DON’T JUST STAND THERE! PIN HIM! PIN HIM!” The Baron’s unsure what to do. He puts the Clawhold back on BMW. Movie Classic: “NO, DON’T CLAW HIM YOU MORON! PIN HIM!” Movie Classic gestures wildly at Von Munchke. The Baron finally covers. Crowd: “One. Two. Three.”Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! HE’S DONE IT! BARON VON MUNCHKE HAS DEFEATED BIG MONSTER WAHLIE! IT’S TOTAL PANDEMONIUM HERE.” SNAFU checks on the condition of BMW in the ring. Watching from outside the ring, Mr. McMann’s jaw is gaping open. Suave: “THE CROWD CAN’T BELIEVE IT. MR. McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HELL, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST UPSETS IN PCW HISTORY!

Movie Classic: “See?” The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious: “I just feel like dying.” Movie Classic: “Oh. That’s just your anxieties talking. Besides, what shall we die for?” Dr. Mysterious: “Huh?” Movie Classic: “You heard me, what shall we die for? You all will listen to me! (shouts) LISTEN! The Brethren will still be looking here, to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead…” Richard Headd: “The Brethren?” Michael Hunt: “Black Pearl?” Movie Classic: “…and what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free men and freedom!…” Dread Pirate Douggie: “What ship?” Movie Classic: “…And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do…” Dread Pirate Douggie: “Cannon? Cool. Who brought the cannon?” Movie Classic: “…By the sweat of our brows and the strength of our backs, and the courage of our hearts. Gentlemen. Hoist the colors!” Everyone looks at each other. Headd: “Um…sir? We don’t have any colors.” Movie Classic: “Oh……well…we should get some.” Hunt: “Say, uh. What movie do you have?” Movie Classic: “Huh?” Hunt: “What movie do you have in your hands?” Movie Classic looks at the title. Then he holds up the DVD for everyone to see. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean- At World’s End. Dread Pirate Douggie: “Ah. Good one sir.”

—————-

Suave: “We’re back. If the Angry Left Wing Bloggers are at war with the American Patriots, really at war with the Right Wing Brigadiers, how do they feel about W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad?”

REPLAY: 4/7 PCW NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS: W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad’s first attack
“Dana Perino, Ari Fleisher, and Andrew Card stand over an unconscious Robert Gibbs- Obama’s spokesman. Fleisher has a lead pipe in his hand. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove makes his return to Political Championship Wrestling and points to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a freakin’ genius. Rove produces a can of spray paint and puts a “W” on Gibbs’s back. Perino then tells the camera that this is only the first. She says the W. Image Rehabilitation Team will do whatever it takes to restore the good name of George W.

REPLAY: 4/22 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: another attack
In the back, Dick Cheney hovers over the prone bodies of the four Angry Left Wing Bloggers with a barbed wire covered baseball bat. Fleischer, Perino, and Card stand behind him.
Dick: “Sometimes, harsh techniques produces results. Sometimes, you have to take it to the extreme.”

REPLAY: 4/29 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: Cheney speaks out
Dick Cheney and the rest of W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad- “The Mastermind” Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card, appear and they head to the ring. Twenty-five percent of the audience cheers. The rest boo. They climb into the ring. Rove keeps pointing to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a friggin’ genius. Cheney: “Oh boo-f***-ing hoo. Where is he?” Pelosi: “Where is who?” Cheney: “Where is that two-timing ***** ******* traitor Arlen Specter? If you see him, tell him I’ve got a ticket for him.” Pelosi: “A ticket?” Cheney: “That’s right. A ticket. A one way ticket to what I like to call- Club Gitmo.” The lights shine on the side of PCW Hall and illuminate a pool of water and a board on the side to lower someone in. More boos roll in. Cheney: “Just like Janeane Garofalo found out last week. Just like ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin found out last week. Just like Arlen Specter is going to find out THIS week.” Cheney pauses for more boos. Cheney: “If you’re not with us, you’re against us. Arlen Specter…where ever you’re hiding…if you can’t stand the heat…we’ll, don’t worry…I’VE got something that’ll cool you right off.” Cheney points to the waterboarding device inside ‘Club Gitmo.’

REPLAY: 5/27 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: Pulp Fiction Promo segment
Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance). Starz: “Domination Inc. Sunday night, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and I are going to-” ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card…aka W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad, jump Starz and beat him down… …Starz Beatdown. Rove spray paints the letter ‘W’ on Starz’s back. Dick Cheney approves.

Later on that night…
Suave:
“The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Jane Hamsher, Media Matters For America, and Eric Alterman are in the ring.” Daily Kos: “After W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad’s attack tonight, The Angry Left Wing Bloggers have decided that we’d rather wrestle them instead of the Right Wing Brigadiers. So, PCW schmucks? Make it happen.”

———————

Suave: “This is going to be a war.”

MATCH #5
ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS: DAILY KOS, MEDIA MATTERS FOR AMERICA, JANE HAMSHER, AND ARIANNA HUFFINGTON (Progressive Alliance) vs.
W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD: DANA PERINO, ANDREW CARD, ARI FLEISCHER, AND ‘The Mastermind’ KARL ROVE (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
Daily Kos grabs a chair. Fleischer takes a chair from someone in the crowd to even the odds. Suave: “Forget the bell. Not needed.” Kos and Fleischer swing the chairs. *CLANK* They meet harmlessly in the middle. Kos ducks outside. Card blasts him with uppercuts. Kos tries to fight back. Perino sneaks in and gets a low blow to the groinshot on Kos. Huffington and Hamsher immediately come careening around the corner. Suave: “I’m just going to sit back and watch the mayhem.” Perino double clotheslines Hamsher and Huffington. Media Matters pulls Card off Daily Kos and eats more uppercuts. Kos tries to climb back into the ring but Card and Fleischer drag him right back out. More uppercuts by Card. Media Matters gets loose and slams Card face first onto the floor.

Kos and Fleischer get back in the ring. Kos clotheslines Fleischer over the top rope back to the floor. Kos whips himself off the ropes and propels himself onto Fleischer on the floor! Kos works him over. Kos flings Fleischer into the steel guardrail. Kos for a splash…Fleischer gets out of the way. *CLANG* Media Matters chairshot sends Fleischer to the floor. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove takes advantage of the confusion. He leaps off the top rope and blasts Media Matters into the steel guardrail. Kos hooks Rove. Suplex on the floor! Huffington and Hamsher double team Perino. Arianna blasts Perino with closed fists. The referee tries to stop her. Huffington pushes the referee out of the way. Hamsher quickly up the turnbuckle. Skies off the top pad of the turnbuckle and splashes Perino. Huffington rams Perino’s face into the corner. Kos and Fleischer continue to brawl outside the ring. Media Matters chokes Card on the ropes. Kos tosses Fleischer into the steel guardrails. Kos grabs a mic cable off the ringside table and chokes Fleischer with it.

Kos drags Fleischer back to the ring. Suplex. Cover. One…two…Fleischer kicks out. Kos slaps on a bear hug and tries to squeeze the air out of Fleischer. Kos hits the big clothesline. Cover. One…two…no! Again, Fleischer kicks out. Huffington and Hamsher continue to abuse Perino. Card battles Media Matters on the outside. Rove is ko’d. Kos hits an elbow drop on Fleischer. Cover. One…two…th- no! Suave: “THAT WAS 2.888. Very close.” Kos drags Fleischer to the corner and calls for a chair. Arianna tosses one in. Kos places it in front of Fleischer. Two steps back. Dropkick to the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Kos nailed that one. Fleischer topples over. Kos covers. One…two…HEAD’S UP- IT’S THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin hit the ring. Suave: “Here we go!” Beck and Hannity take on Kos. Ingraham chases after Arianna. Malkin and Hamsher roll around the outside of the ring. Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!……you know, I never get tired of saying that.”

*Opening bars of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ play*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IS HE HERE! COULD IT BE?” A spotlight searches the bar. The crowd explodes when a plaid shirted man with a steel-folding chair and a mocha appears. Suave: “HE’S HERE! HE’S BACK! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE! THE ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!” A huge roar fills the bar and a white haired man joins him. Suave: “AND BILL CLINTON IS HERE WITH HIM! HOLY CRAP!” the crowd sings: “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. Suave: “HE’S BACK IN PCW!” The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon and Clinton slowly make their way through the crowd. Clinton starts to run to the ring but Gore stops. He pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead while Clinton waits. Again, Gore on the move. They reach the floor around the ring. Clinton breaks for the ring. Gore pulls out yet another container of mocha. He guzzles it down and spews it into the crowd before crushing the container on his forehead. Again, Clinton has to wait.

Suave: “HEY WAIT A MINUTE! IT’S RAHM-BO! RAHM EMANUEL! F-BOMB TO HANNITY! F-BOMB TO BECK. F-BOMB TO CARD! EMANUEL IS DROPPING F-BOMBS ALL OVER THE PLACE!” Kos drags Fleischer to the middle of the ring. Cover. One. Two. Three. Suave: “THAT’S IT!” Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ begins to play again. Suave: “Al Gore was the distraction. Rahm Emanuel was the hammer. Dropping F-Bombs left and right on both W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad and the Right Wing Brigadiers, Emanuel freed up Daily Kos to score the pin.”

WINNER: ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS

——————

Gina Ramsey comes out. Gina: “Hey y’all. It’s Gina Ramsey with tonight’s PCW Newsline!” She gets a standing ovation from the crowd. Gina: “Let’s see what’s been going on in PCW.”

PCW NEWSLINE

HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING ‘WAR GAMES’ TOMORROW
Tomorrow, HOW will present War Games from Normandy, France. Here’s the card:

  • Spook v Silver Cyanide
  • Chris Kostoff v David Black v Bob Jared v Shocker v Scottywood©
  • LSD Title
  • Michael DeNucci v King Trip Eisen v Trent
  • Marvelous Mario Maurako v Crow
  • Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey v Perfect Paul Paras v Max Kael v Graystone v Christopher America v Shane Reynolds© v Aceldama© v Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal
  • World Title

HOW is part of High Octane Television- an organization PCW will be joining HOTv later this month.

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UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
6/10- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/12- PCW Newsline 6
6/14- PCW on P-SPAN- final Sunday night show until September
6/17- PCW End of the Season Extravaganza

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Tentative 2009-2010 PCW Schedule of Events Released:
7/29-PCW Night of Champions
9/27-PCW Lock and Load 4
11/9-PCW Night of Champions
12/27-PCW Christmas
1/27-PCW Night of Champions
3/7-PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 3
4/21-PCW Night of Champions
6/6-PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 6

———————

Suave: “Kathryn Randall Collins already in the ring. We are ready for the PCW Women’s Title match. Let’s go to the ring.

Charlene Ann: “This match will be for the PCW Women’s Title. Intoducing first, weighing in at 175 pounds from Chappaqua, New York. She is a member of Progressive Alliance accompanied by Hillary Clinton. She is also a two-time PCW Women’s Champion- Kathryn Randall Collins!”

KRC gets a very well deserved ovation.

Charlene Ann: “Next, weighing in at 204 pounds from Barrow, Alaska. She is a member of SarahPAC and accompanied by Sarah Palin tonight. She is the Eskimo Queen- Kalee Jones!”

Another robust ovation from the crowd.

Charlene Ann: “Weighing in at 125 pounds. She hails from Stuttgart, Germany and is a member of Domination Inc. Accompanied by Porsche Lexus and the rest of Domination Inc.- here is Mercedes!”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!” Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann carries a nearly resigned expression on his face. The rest of the corporation exude little energy or confidence.

Charlene Ann: “And finally…” The crowd interrupts her with an ovation. Charlene Ann wipes a tear away. Charlene Ann: “…weighing in at 145 pounds from Bowling Green, Ohio. She is a member of American Heartland Coalition and accompanied by Tequila Sheila. She is the PCW Women’s Champion. She is the’ Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl, in her final match here in PCW- Tessa Martin!” A thunderous ovation follows.

Crowd: “PLEASE DON’T GO!…PLEASE DON’T GO! PLEASE DON’T GO!” Suave: “AN INCREDIBLE OVATION FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Quick shot to the ring shows KRC and Kalee Jones also clapping. Suave: “THIS IS IT! TONIGHT IS TESSA’S FINAL MATCH IN PCW! HER LONG THREE YEAR JOURNEY ENDS TONIGHT! SHE’S DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL AND MOVING ON WITH HER LIFE. BUT TONIGHT, IT’S ONE LAST DANCE AT HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON. THEY’RE ABOUT READY FOR THE BELL.”

Woman’s Voice: “WAIT A MINUTE. WAIIIIIIT A MINUTE!” The crowd boos. Suave: “Oh, great. It’s the President of the PCW Competition Committee Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi climbs into the ring. Pelosi: “WAIT A MINUTE. WAIIIIIT A MINUTE! Before this match starts, I’m announcing a change in the referee for this match.” Davey Keels leaves. Paul Martin Adams enters. Suave: “WAIT! THAT’S PMA! HE’S GIPPED KALEE JONES OUT OF TWO WINS ALREADY.” Pelosi: “There. Much better.” Pelosi climbs out. PMA calls for the bell.

Bell rings. Suave: “Kalee Jones goes right after Kathryn Randall Collins. Gorilla Press Slam on the floor. Mercedes locks up with the PCW Women’s champion. Guillotine choke on Tessa Martin and the champ is driven to the canvas. Mercedes goes up top. Shooting star press! Cover.” One.Two.Tessa kicks out. Suave: “HEY! QUICK COUNT! THAT WAS A QUICK COUNT! COME ON REF!” Tequila Sheila throws a chair to Mercedes…Tessa kicks the chair into Mercedes’s face! Suave: “THERE WE GO.” Tessa pulls Mercedes up…drop toe hold onto the chair. Tessa hits a fist drop. Mercedes gets up. Tessa does a cartwheel and kicks Mercedes in the face. Mercedes staggers up. Tessa over. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! OKAY. THAT WAS A NORMAL COUNT.”

MERCEDES ELIMINATED

Suave: “This is stunning. Not a peep from Domination Inc.” Domination Inc. again files to the back without incident. Kathryn Randall Collins headbutts Jones. Suave: “KRC tries to lariat Jones. No go on that move. KRC then tries for a German suplex. No go on that. Kalee clotheslines KRC. Now she gets thrown into the turnbuckle. The Eskimo Queen stalks her. Oooh. She rams KRC’s head into the turnbuckle. Now KRC tries pulling the hair. *SMACK* HOLY CRAP! KALEE JONES JUST BACK FISTED KRC ACROSS THE RING!” Tessa hits a hurricana on KRC. Suave: “COVER. ONE…………TWO…KRC KICKS OUT. THIS IS DISGRACEFUL! SLOW COUNT!” Tessa gives the referee an earful. KRC slides in behind her and hits a snap mare on Tessa. Kalee Jones blasts KRC from behind and takes her to the floor.

Suave: “NOW, IT’S BECOMING A SLUGFEST! BACK AND FORTH THEY GO EXCHANGING VICIOUS CHOPS!” The Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Paul Begala run in. Suave: “CARVILLE CLIPS KALEE JONES KNEE!” Begala does the same. KRC whips Kalee into the ring apron and climbs back into the ring. KRC covers.” 1-2-3. Suave: “Aw, no way!”

KALEE JONES IS ELIMINATED

Suave: “KALEE JONES IS PISSED AND SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE! THAT WAS TERRIBLE!” Referee P.M.A. tries to get her to leave the ring. Sarah Palin is shouting at the ref. Suave: “THAT SUCKS. BUT IT’S DOWN TO KRC VERSUS TESSA FOR THE WOMEN’S TITLE.” Kalee reluctantly exits the ring but does not leave the ring area.

Suave: “Single leg takedown by Tessa. KRC responds with elbows. She’s up. Fist drop to Tessa on the floor. KRC follows with a knee drop. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl gets back up. KRC with a jab. Poke to the eye with a thumb. KRC thrust kicks to the head. The champ is down. Cover. 1-2- NO! ANOTHER QUICK COUNT! BUT TESSA GETS THE SHOULDER UP!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “THE CROWD DOESN’T LIKE IT. AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T LIKE IT. THIS IS CRAP!” KRC whips Tessa to the ropes. Suave: “POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION! KRC HAS IT LOCKED IN!” Both women fall near the ropes. Tessa puts her hand on the rope. Referee P.M.A. comes over and removes it. Tessa puts it back on the rope. Again, P.M.A. brushes it off. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? BREAK THE FREAKIN’ HOLD!” It happens a third time. Kalee comes over and pulls P.M.A. out of the ring. Suave: “THAT WAS THE BREAKING POINT. KALEE JONES HAS P.M.A. UP!” She slams him face first through the ring table. Suave: “ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE!”

Nancy Pelosi comes out. She can’t believe it. ‘The Old War Horse’ John Murtha runs out and gets in Kalee’s face. Murtha pushes Kalee. The Eskimo Queen kicks Murtha in the balls. Suave: “YES! YES! SHE’S GOT MURTHA UP!” She slams him face first onto the floor. Suave: “ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE!”

KRC and Tessa circle. They lock up. Suave: “Tessa sent for the ride. Scoop slam by KRC. KRC up top. Hits the splash from the top turnbuckle! Sharpshooter! But Tessa reverses. Package Piledriver! HOLY CRAP! Yakuza Kick by Tessa. Whip into the ropes. KRC ducks the Pizza Cutter. FULL NELSON SLAM! POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION! SHE’S GOT IT THIS TIME I THINK…TESSA’S FIGHTING…FIGHTING…SHE TAPS! KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS HAS BECOME A THREE TIME PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, and new PCW Women’s Title champion, Kathryn Randall Collins!” KRC and Tessa embrace in the ring to a standing ovation. Crowd: “THANK YOU TESSA (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) THANK YOU TESSA! clap, clap clap-clap-clap)<!–[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]–> Tessa mouths ‘I love you’ to the crowd and waves. Suave: “KRC is the NEW PCW Women’s champion and Tessa Martin…thanks for everything.” KRC takes the title and exits the ring leaving Tessa to take in the ovation.

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Last section to go up after 11 PM…

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News Stories about:

Politics:  CNN, NY Times Caucus, LynnRockets, Goodtime Politics, CNN, Wash Ind, Politico, Plenary Review, Huff Post, Haiku Diaries,

12/29-PCW’s Most Memorable Moments of 2008

12/29- PCW NEWSLINE- RECAPPING THE MEMORABLE MOMENTS FROM 2008

BCEW (PCW) TAKES TO THE ROAD WITH THE BCEW (PCW) ROAD SHOW ACROSS AMERICA TOUR

The First Ever BCEW (PCW) Roadshow Across America begins with BCEW “DRAMA IN DES MOINES”- 1/3/2008

The crowd chants, “BCEW…BCEW…BCEW” as Charlene Ann Beckworth comes out and welcomes everyone to BCEW’s first show away from the Northwest Ohio, Southeast Michigan area.

BCEW “MAYHEM IN MANCHESTER”- 1/8/2008
BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- LIVE AT MICHIGAN MADNESS From the Mid-Michigan Roller Arena, Lansing, MI.- 1/15/08
BCEW ‘LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE’ – 1/29/08
BCEW ‘SUPER TUESDAY THROWDOWN’ – 2/5/08 Nashville, TN
BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- LIVE FROM RICHMOND, VIRGINIA -2/12/08
BCEW MILWAUKEE MELTDOWN -2/19/08
BCEW ‘DAY OF JUDGMENT’ FROM (COLUMBUS) OHIO -3/4/08
BCEW KEYSTONE STATE KHAOS- THE MOMENT OF TRUTH- 4/22/08
BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY from Fort Wayne, Indiana – 5/6/08

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PCW (BCEW) TITLE CHANGES HANDS TWICE

From BCEW ‘LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLTICAL DESTRUCTION- 1/20/08
BCEW WORLD TITLE MATCH: Champion “Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. He is…” JUSTIN SUFFERABLE (Progressive Alliance) VS. Former ‘Rookie Sensation’ STARZ N. STRIPES w/ ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (American Patriots)
Sufferable takes control with power slams. Bulldog in the middle of the ring and Starz looks ready to go. Sufferable lifts him up for a brainbuster. Drifting back into a corner, Sufferable suddenly loses his footing and Starz falls hard to the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS A BAD FALL FOR STARZ N. STRIPES! BUT…SUFFERABLE’S HURT. IT’S HIS KNEE…HIS SURGICALLY REPAIRED KNEE.”The referee signals to the back. Sufferable grabs his knee and rolls back and forth in excruciating pain. Starz is groggy. He finally pulls himself up to a sitting position and realizes how much trouble Sufferable is in. Suave: “Does he go for the pin?” Starz tells the ref the match is over. The ref calls for the bell.

A tournament was held to determine a Progressive Alliance, American Patriot, and Independent representative to wrestle for the BECW title at BECW Day of Judgment in Columbus, Ohio.

From BCEW DAY OF JUDGMENT- 3/4/08
BCEW TITLE MATCH- STARZ N. STRIPES w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Insanely Smelly Luchador’ HALITOSIS (Independent)

Starz connects with a wicked left that sends Halitosis flying across the ring. Spike slam. Vertical suplex sucks the wind from Halitosis. Starz lifts him up and drives Halitosis to the canvas with a piledriver. Starz covers. 1-2-3.

HALITOSIS IS ELIMINATED
It comes down to the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes and the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama. Starz puts on a wrestling clinic, constantly staying one step ahead of the inexperienced Bahama. Armbar by Starz. Bahama reverses to a half nelson. Starz reverses that into a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama twists and escapes. Dropkick by Bahama. Chop by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed with a suplex. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz bounces up, lifts him up, and back suplexes Bahama. A second back suplex by Starz. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. 1…2…3…and we’ve got a new champion

Throughout the rest of the Spring and in the Fall, O’Beck Bahama continued to pursue his quest to become the BCEW, now PCW, title with the help of Barack Obama. At PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, Bahama finally broke through…

From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008- 11/4/08
PCW Title Match: ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)

…Bahama shoots him into the ropes again but this time Starz hangs onto them. Starz slides out of the ring and takes a walk to confer with McCain. .Starz back in and they lock up yet again. Bahama monkey-flips Starz and delivers the boots to the gut. Out of nowhere, Starz slaps on the American Star and Fuji Arm Bar submission hold. Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!” Bahama grabs the ropes and hold on to them for dear life. The referee breaks the hold…

…Starz charges. Bahama ducks and back body drops the PCW champion over the ropes and through a ring table. Suave: HOLY CRAP!” O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Starz on the floor. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Starz crawls out of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Starz with it. Starz slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps. Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! STARZ CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!” Bahama pulls Starz up. Superkick! Starz falls backwards and hits the floor hard. Barack Obama urges Bahama on. Bahama presses the attack, grabbing another steel folding chair and pastes the champion in the face with it. He throws the chair on the floor. Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! THE PCW CHAMPION IS IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE’S AT!”…

…Running splash takes the air out of Starz. Bahama covers. Suave: “1…2…McCAIN SAVES HIM! McCAIN RAN OVER AND PUT THE CHAMPION’S FOOT ON THE ROPES!” Bahama drives Starz to the canvas with a running power bomb. The crowd begins to anticipate a possible title change. Suave: “THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT! BAHAMA COVERS…” A huge roar erupts. Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN! SHE’S IN THE RING! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP! *THWACK* OH! SHE NAILED BAHAMA WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!” Bahama staggers. Suave: “TINA FEY! TINA FEY’S OUT HERE! SHE GOES UP TO PALIN…SHE TAKES THE HOCKEY STICK AWAY. AND NOW, FEY’S LEAVING! PALIN’S CHASING HER.”…

… Belly to belly suplex. Bahama bounces off the canvas. Suave: “STARZ WITH THE MOMENTUM AND…HE WANTS A TABLE!” McCain slides a table into the ring and Stara sets it up. Rights by Starz. Then he sets Bahama up. Suave: “HE’S LINING BAHAMA UP…” The PCW crowd roars again. Suave: “SARAH PALIN! .SARAH PALIN’S BACK OUT!…OR IS IT TINA FEY?” Palin climbs up to the ring apron. Suave: “I DON’T THINK STARZ’S SURE IF IT REALLY HER OR NOT.” McCain’s confused. Suave: “STARZ PULLS BAHAMA UP AND HOLDS HIM…HE’S TELLING PALIN OR FEY OR WHOMEVER TO GO AHEAD.” Palin swings. Bahama ducks. Starz catches the stick with his hand. He throws Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “STARZ IS PISSED. HE FLIPS HER INTO THE RING!” The crowd stands and cheers. Suave: “HE’S NOT! YES HE IS.” Starz powerbombs her through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Tina Fey runs out dressed as Palin. She winks at Starz and leaves. Suave: “OH MY GOD! STARZ JUST POWER-BOMBED SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!” Starz looks at the unconscious Palin lying among the ruins of the table in abject disbelief…

…Bahama rolls up Starz. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NO! McCAIN BREAKS THE COUNT! McCAIN LITERALLY LEAPED ACROSS THE RING TO STOP THE REFEREE FROM COUNTING OUT STARZ!” Bahama climbs up the corner turnbuckle. 450 Splash on Starz. Again, he covers. Suave: “ONE…TWO…AGAIN! McCAIN AGAIN STOPS THE COUNT!” McCain stumbles back to his corner. Bahama picks up Starz and power bombs him. Cover. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NOOOOO! McCAIN AGAIN SAVES STARZ! UNBELIEVEABLE!” Obama pounds on the ring canvas. Everyone is standing up in the building. Suave: “THIS CROWD IS GOING NUTS! JOHN McCAIN HAS SAVED THREE PINFALLS! HOLD ON. BAHAMA WANTS A TABLE SET UP OUTSIDE THE RING.” Obama quickly sets up a table. Bahama picks up Starz. He runs towards the ropes and heaves him over. Starz destroys the table. Suave: “AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! BAHAMA TO THE TOP ROPE. 45O SPLASH! HE COVERS. ONE…WAIT! WHAT’S DICK CHENEY DOING. HE RUNS INTO McCAIN…” The bell rings. Suave: “THAT WAS THE BELL? WAIT A MINUTE…CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH IN THE RING.”Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW PCW-” The deafening crowd drowned out the rest of what of Charlene Ann said. Suave: “HE DID IT! HE DID IT! O’BECK BAHAMA IS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…PCW!…” Suave: “LET’S LOOK AT THIS FROM ANOTHER VIEW. HOLY CRAP! McCAIN WAS TRYING TO GET OVER TO STARZ BUT DICK ACCIDENTLY TRIPPED HIM UP. THERE’S THE THREE COUNT.”

 

 

 

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KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/HILLARY CLINTON DEFEATS OPAL WINFREE w/BARACK OBAMA TO BECOME THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION…FOR TWO WEEKS

From BCEW “MAYHEM IN MANCHESTER”- JAN. 8th
-BCEW Women’s Title Match- BCEW Women’s champion “Media Empress” Opal Winfree w/her flock (Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy) and ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama, Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) with Hillary Clinton, and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin with John Edwards in a Progressive Alliance three-way dance
Opal attacks KRC with punches and then bulldogs her on a chair. Another 2 count.After a third power bomb, Hillary signaled to the back and out came the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, and Sidney Blumenthal. Carville threw two chairs into the ring and power bombs Soccer Mom through them. McAuliffe put a table in the corner and Blumenthal belly-to-belly suplexes New Age Sensitive Guy through it. Barack gets on the ring apron. Blumenthal occupies him while KRC threw powder in Opal’s eyes. The ref takes a bump when Opal accidentally squashes him in the corner. Hillary slips Collins something. KRC turns and hits Opal with a chain. KRC covers. No referee. Hillary goes to the back to find someone. Next, KRC pulls out a metal object and belts Opal with it. She’s out. No referee. Carville and McAuliffe have Opal’s Flock under control. Barack can’t get by Blumenthal. Hillary drags another referee out. KRC covers. One. Two. Three. And we have a new BCEW Women’s champion. All Barack can do is look on in shock as KRC, Hillary, and her Political Pitbulls celebrate.

FROM BCEW LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION- 1/20/08
BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Champion KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/Hillary Clinton (HRC) and the Clinton Political Pitbulls, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance) VS. Former champion “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE w/Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance
)
Back in the ring, suplex by KRC followed by a flatliner. KRC hits a tilt a whirl back breaker. Suave: “Opal’s in trouble.” Springboard kick by KRC and then she sets up for her finisher- the PPD (Personal Political Destruction). KRC gets Opal up and hits the twisting suplex maneuver and goes for the cover. Hillary bangs her hand on the ring canvas. One…two…three… Suave: “What’s going on? It appears the referee is having a talk with Barack Obama and missed the count!” Hillary is furious and bangs even harder on the ring. KRC goes over and shoves the referee from behind. And then Bill Clinton hops into the ring and lights into the referee. Opal crawls over and rolls KRC up from behind. Obama shouts at the ref. The ref turns and sees the roll-up. One…two…three.

KRC WINS IT BACK AT PCW’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008

From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008- 11/4/08
PCW Women’s Title Match: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/The McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation) vs. ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom)

The bell rings and Collins and Winfree lock up. Collins tries to switches and gets behind Winfree. Takedown by Winfree. Modified surfboard by Winfree. Daisy Cutter-Bomb (McMann Corp) immediately runs in and pushes Winfree off. Winfree chops at Daisy. KRC climbs the rope and hits a DDT. KRC covers. 1…2. Easy kick out by Winfree…

… KRC staggers backwards. Atomic drop by Opal. Body slam. Leg drop. Opal launches herself backwards into the ropes. Daisy jumps on the ring apron and throws Opal a chair. *WHAP* Suave: “VAN DAMINATOR! VAN DAMINATOR! KRC JUST KICKED THAT CHAIR INTO OPAL’S FACE! Opal’s in trouble!” Barack Obama is on the ring apron and shouting encouragement to a woozy Winfree. Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB ON OPAL WINFREE! KRC FOR THE COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!”…

…Daisy lifts Opal up again for another Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. Obama jumps in the ring and tries to stop her. Quadruple R grabs Obama and whips him into the corner. Daisy up and wham! Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. KRC calls for a table. Kirk Walstreit slides it in and KRC sets it up. Daisy drags Opal up one more time. Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!” Opal up. Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb through the table. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” KRC calls for another table. Suave: “WHAT? JUST PIN HER ALREADY!” Again, Walstreit slides in a table. KRC sets up on the top rope corner turnbuckle. Daisy drags Opal over to her and sets her up. Suave: “OPAL’S SET. HERE COMES SOCCER MOM. DAISY GRABS HER! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB! DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Crowd: “THIS MATCH RULES! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) THIS MATCH RULES (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST OBLITERATED SOCCER MOM WITH A DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB. THEN KRC DDT’S OPAL FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! KRC COVERS… ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

 

 

 

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TED KENNEDY TURNS ON BILL CLINTON

This took place right in the middle of the white hot feud that raged through BCEW for the first few months of the year. Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) had just lost the Women’s title back to Opal Winfree nine days before. Both Clinton and Obama wanted Ted Kennedy on their side. At BCEW Last Tango in Tallahassee, Kennedy made his choice.

From BCEW LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE – 1/29/08
SPECIAL PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE TAG TEAM MATCH- KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC and BILL CLINTON w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe vs. ‘MEDIA EMPRESS’ OPAL WINFREE and BARACK OBAMA w/ Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy
KRC wanders back to her corner and Clinton tags himself in. Opal then tags Obama in. Big stare down. Bill and Obama circle and jaw at each other. The crowd rises in anticipation. Bill shoves Obama. Obama shoves Bill. Then out of nowhere, Ted Kennedy runs down with a steel-folding chair and jumps in the ring. Kennedy looks at both men. Bill implores him to help Hillary. Barack implores him for his support. Kennedy eyeballs Clinton…then Obama. Then he pastes Clinton with the chair.Hillary is in shock. The Clinton Political Pitbulls hit the ring. Opal’s Flock hit the ring. Everyone’s in the ring. Somewhere lost in the melee, Barack sneaks in a cover and gets the win.Ted Kennedy then cuts a promo decrying the devisive bare knuckles, hardball tactics of the Clintons and says that Barack Obama would be a fitting nominee from the Progressive Alliance to be the next BCEW CEO. Kennedy declares that it’s time for Barack Obama. “It’s not the length of time in BCEW that matters, it’s his vision. He’ll be ready to become BCEW CEO on day one.”

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ANN COULTER TRAPPED IN A CAGE WITH 3 ANGRY AMIGAS

It all started at BCEW Super Tuesday Throwdown.

From BCEW SUPER TUESDAY THROWDOWN (Nashville, Tennessee) -2/5/08

‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON (American Patriots) w/ Neal Conn- making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order vs. BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Hallie controls the match most of the way. Tessa suddenly hits a ‘pizza cutter’ and rallies back. Neal Conn grabs her foot though and pulls her out of the ring. Bobby Bare’s “Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila” plays and Tequila Sheila, who lost to Hallie Burton at BCEW’s Last Tango in Tallahassee when Conn clipped her knee, runs down and bashes Conn’s head in with a blender. Sheila hits the ring and clocks Hallie with the blender. Tessa covers and the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl picks up the big upset win.
*
Tequila Sheila celebrates with Tessa in the ring until the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter comes to the ring and attacks them. Coulter lays out Sheila with her blender and then takes a warm pizza out of the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’s pizza bag and dumps it all over Tessa
.
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter would continue to be a thorn in Tessa’s side. Now teamed up with Tequila Sheila, Tessa would again face the wrath of Coulter on PCW Extreme Political TV from Virginia.

From BECW EXTREME POLITICAL TV FROM VIRGINIA -2/12/08

‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
The match never really formally starts as Coulter, still extremely distressed over the fact that John McCain is going to be the American Patriots nominee for BCEW CEO in November, snaps and starts nailing Sheila and Martin with a steel folding chair. Burton also attacks the pair and drapes both Sheila and Tessa on a table. Coulter goes to the top rope with a chair in hand and leaps, driving both women through the table. The referee comes over to count and Coulter whaps him with the chair. Coulter tosses him on another table and puts the ref through it cleanly. Coulter throws down the chair and skulks back to the dressing room.

Then the next week in Milwaukee, Coulter again went ballistic on Tessa and Tequila Sheila.

From BCEW MILWAUKEE MELTDOWN (Wisconsin) -2/19/08

‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Take two. Last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV in Virginia, the match never came off because Coulter, still pissed off over John McCain becoming the new leader of the American Patriots, threw a fit and attacked Sheila and Tessa before the bell. Would this week be different? Well…no. Coulter sprayed hairspray in Sheila’s face as she came out to her song ‘Tequila Sheila’ by Bobby Bare, and then she and Burton again assaulted their opponents pre-bell. This week, Burton and Coulter was joined by Right Wing Blogger Michelle Malkin who clubbed their opponents incessantly with an old computer keyboard. The 3 on 2 continued until Daisy Cutter-Bomb of Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army ran out to even the odds. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Burton. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Malkin. Coulter hightails it out before Daisy can get her hands on her.

Post-match, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin challenged Coulter and Burton to settle their differences once and for all in a six-woman tag team cage match. Sheila, Tessa, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. Burton, Coulter, and Malkin. Finally at the Palace of Political Extreme, Tessa, Tequila Sheila, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb dish out a little long overdue payback on ‘The Queen of Political Extreme.’

From BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -2/26/08

‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON, ‘Right Wing Blogger’ MICHELLE MALKIN, and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA, “BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN, and DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Independent)
Suave: “Well? I guess this is take three. The last two weeks, Ann Coulter has proved why she is the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ by destroying both Tessa Martin and Tequila Sheila before their match was to have began. Tonight, it’s a cage match.” Tequila Sheila, serenaded by the BCEW Hall crowd to the Bobby Bare song, ‘Tequila Sheila,’ is the last one of the Independent team to enter the cage. Tessa wields an extra-large pizza box and Daisy Cutter-Bomb has her Singapore cane at the ready.Coulter, Hallie Burton, and Michelle Malkin arrive next. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ enters the cage and immediately starts chirping at all three of her opponents. There’s commotion on the floor and a creepy guy accosts both Hallie Burton and Michelle Malkin. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS GARY BUSEY DOING HERE?” Busey, fresh off his unnerving appearance on the red carpet at the Oscars, hugs both Burton and Malkin. Both women look horrified. Burton tries to spin away and in the process shuts the cage, trapping Coulter inside with all three of their opponents. Burton and Malkin run away with Busey in hot pursuit.
*
Coulter suddenly realizes she’s in big trouble. She suddenly tries to make nice with her opponents. Coulter: “Remember all those things I said and did the last couple weeks? Well, it was all just a misunderstanding…yeah, that’s it…it was all a mistake-” *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN JUST SMACKED COULTER IN THE KISSER WITH THE PIZZA BOX! WHAT THE HELL IS INSIDE…” Tessa tears opens the box. It’s a road sign. Suave: “Ahhh, makes sense now.” Tequila Sheila then pours a blender full of tequila onto the semi-conscious Coulter. Daisy then drags Coulter up by her long, blond mane and finishes her off with a ‘Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb.’ Daisy sticks her foot on Coulter’s chest. 1-2-3.

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BUCKLAND COUNTY EXTREME WRESTLING…BCEW…BECOMES POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING…PCW.

From BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY -5/6/08
BCEW Owner Bubba Jackson arrives in the ring to make his big announcement. He tells the BCEW faithful that it’s been a wonderful three years and that they’ve come a long way since the first BCEW pay per view show, Loose Cannons Unleashed in March, 2005. Bubba: “But now, it’s time to take the next step. And with that step means we’re branching out a little farther and, more importantly, necessitates a name change.” Crowd seems mildly confused. Bubba: “Starting tonight, BCEW is no more; PCW- Political Championship Wrestling is born!” Bubba reassures everyone that Buckland County, and especially Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and the now, PCW Hall, will remain the emotional heart and soul of PCW. Bubba: “But, we are on the way to bigger and better things!”

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MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN/ FOX NEWS’ BILL O’REILLY (AND SOMETIMES CNN’S LOU DOBBS) FEUD

This feud raged throughout the year and featured some of the most brutal, extreme action seen in PCW.

From BCEW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION PPV – 1/20/08
MSNBC’s KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) VS. Fox News’s BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots)

At the bell, Olbermann immediately rushs across the ring and starts brawling with O’Reilly. Olbermann lands a stiff shot. O’Reilly responded with one of his own. Back and forth around the ring, both men flail away at each other before Olbermann kicks O’Reilly in the stomach and then tosses him over the top rope out of the ring…

…Chair shot by O’Reilly. He drags Olbermann to the edge of the stage and someone hands him a political placard. O’Reilly wound up and pasted Olbermann over the head with the placard. Then someone hands him a political sign on a wooden stick. The Fox News star snaps it half over his opponent’s head. Adding insult to injury, O’Reilly takes the jagged edge of the broken stick and rakes it across Olbermann’s forehead. Suave: “HOLY CRAP. Olbermann’s busted wide open!” Crowd: “BCEW…BCEW!” Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! OLBERMANN JUST RAKED O’REILLY ACROSS THE FOREHEAD WITH A CHEESE GRATER!” A pizza pan just happened to land on stage near O’Reilly. He grabs the pan and bends it in half over Olbermann’s head. Olbermann finds a CD case someone threw on stage and smashes it in O’Really’s face, opening up several small nicks and cuts. Then, O’Really takes a Leonard Cohen record from a man and breaks it over Olbermann’s head. Suave: “WHAT ACTION! THESE TWO SIMPLY DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER AND……HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES LOU DOBBS!”CNN’s Lou Dobbs runs in with his new book, Independents Day, and starts pasting both men with it. Suave: “DOBBS IS USING HIS OWN BOOK TO TAKE OUT BOTH OLBERMANN AND O’REILLY!” Already physically sapped from destroying each other, Dobbs’s sneak attack leaves both men lying in their own blood on the floor.

 

 

 

From BCEW LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE – 1/29/08
CNN’S LOU DOBBS (Independent) vs. MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) vs. FOX NEWS’S BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots)

…Olbermann immediately goes after O’Reilly but eats an Independent DDT from Dobbs. O’Reilly heaves Olbermann out of the ring and goes for the chair right away. Two chairshots to Olbermann. Dobbs comes off the top rope and takes O’Reilly’s head off. Dobbs flings O’Reilly into the barricade…

…Olbermann pulled off the top rope by O’Reilly and lands hard on the floor. O’Reilly sets up a second table and drapes Olbermann on it. O’Reilly climbs the turnbuckle. John Edwards and David Letterman, of all people, run-in. Edwards pulls Olbermann off the table. Letterman pushes O’Reilly from behind and sends him through the table. The crowd goes “BCEW…BCEW!” Olbermann covers and he gets the pin.

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV – 8/25/08
EXTREME SCAFFOLD MATCH- MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY of Fox News (American Patriots)
Suave spots someone climbing up the scaffolding. Suave: “Hey. Who’s that…hold on…that’s…yes, that’s Daily Show host Jon Stewart! He’s joining Olbermann and O’Reilly on the scaffolding.” Stewart castigates O’Reilly. Stewart: “Fox’s ‘fair and balanced’ slogan is an insult to people with brains.” O’Reilly sneers back at Stewart and mocks the ‘crash and burn ratings’ when he hosted this year’s Oscars. Stewart then turns to Olbermann. Stewart: “And as for you, Olbermann. News flash- MSNBC and CNN aren’t much better.” Now Olbermann glares at Stewart. Stewart declares that newspapers are a better source of political coverage but get overshadowed by the 24 hour news cycle driving the narratives. Stewart then pushes both Olbermann and O’Reilly off the scaffolding and they fall through the tables set up below. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

 

 

 

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -9/16/08
MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) with Hardball Chris Matthews vs. BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots) of Fox News

…Olbermann charges O’Reilly, but he bails to the floor. The No-Spin Factor climbs back in and smirks at Olbermann. Olbermann pops him with a short left and O’Reilly heads back out again. Olbermann yells at the referee to get him back in the ring…or as he put it, “get him back in the ring, DAMMIT!” Olbermann becomes frustrated with O’Reilly’s stalling on the apron. The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd counts along with the referee to eight before O’Reilly slides back into the ring…

…MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow confronts O’Reilly on the floor. O’Reilly distracted, Hardball Chris Matthews grabs a steel-folding chair and waffles him with it. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Maddow and Matthews stomp away at the No-Spin Factor. Olbermann grabs the mic and taunts O’Reilly. The crowd boos. Olbermann tells them to shut their mouth and screams at O’Reilly. He calls the audience blind sheep and promises to put O’Reilly and the Fox News into a box. Matthews holds O’Reilly down as Olbermann climbs to the top of the corner turnbuckle. The crowd suddenly stands. A portly man jogs into the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS! AND HE’S GOT A STEEL-FOLDING CHAIR!”Dobbs to the corner. *WHAP* Suave: “YES! Olbermann’s down!” Olbermann falls backwards off the top rope and lands back first on the canvas. Dobbs takes the mic and tells Olbermann ‘that one’s for my children whom you attacked because of my political views.’ Dobbs tells him he’s ‘hanging by a highly medicated thread’ much to the crowd’s delight. Dobbs: “You know, I might be the worst person in the world. But you, my friend, are the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG A-HOLE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!”

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/7/08
BARBRA STREISAND RANTS AGAINST THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES

The Black Swamp Pirates, fresh from their impromptu gig at Barbra Streisand’s Beverly Hills fundraiser for Barack Obama, come out to play a new song. Before they can start though, Barbra Streisand stomps out to the ring. She’s pissed off that DeWayne Cantrell ruined her fundraiser. She’s equally as pissed off that the Pirates dared to play country music at the event as well. Streisand: “NO ONE @#$##$# DOES THAT TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M BARBRA @#$#ING STREISAND! HOW DARE YOU PLAY YOUR LOW BROW HICK SONGS AT MY EVENT! I’M A STAR! YOU’RE A NOBODY!”…

 

 

 

…Streisand isn’t impressed and demands an apology from the Black Swamp Pirates. Junior refuses. Streisand again loudly demands an apology. Junior again refuses. Streisand screeches at him. Junior flips her off. Streisand: “THAT’S IT!” Suddenly, Arianna Huffington, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters) run in and attack the Black Swamp Pirates. Suave: “OH, COME ON!” Daily Kos, Krugman, Alterman, and Media Matters stomp away at the five members of the band. Suave: “THAT’S ENOUGH! WAIT! HERE COMES AVERAGE JOE AND THE AMERICAN TRUCKER!”

‘The Real Joe Six-Pack’ Average Joe and American Trucker wade in but they, too, get overwhelmed by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers. They’re beaten down. Olbermann tells the Pirates, Average Joe, and American Trucker that they’re the ‘WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!” The crowd boos.
Male voice: “Olbermann, you definitely need to take your medication.” The crowd cheers. Suave: “IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS!” Olbermann dares Dobbs to come down. Dobbs replies that Olbermann would like that seeing as he has the numbers advantage. Dobbs: “I have something else in mind.”*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*The crowd rises and cheers again. Suave: “YES! YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” Crowd: “What the !@#@, what the @#$#”Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down and grabs Daily Kos. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Krugman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Alterman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Media Matters. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Arianna runs for the hills leaving Olbermann. He tries to beg off but…grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Suave: “WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT CLEANS HOUSE!” Dobbs holds up Average Joe and American Truckers arms.

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/14/08
KEITH OLBERMANN’S SPECIAL, SPECIAL COMMENT TO PCW

Suave: “And now, here’s Keith Olbermann’s special, special comment.” Olbermann: “F*** YOU!” The crowd boos. Suave: “Well. That was a little harsh, don’t you think?” Olbermann begins to go off on the PCW Arena crowd-*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down, grabs Olbermann by the throat, lift, chokeslam. PCW Arena Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/21/08
PCW CEO GEORGE W’S SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
…MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann comes out and doesn’t look happy. Olbermann: “George W. You are the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!” George W.: “What the hell did I do?” Olbermann: “Two weeks in a row, that maniac Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has viciously chokeslammed me and you’ve done nothing to stop it.” Man’s voice: “Oh, poor baby!” Suave: “IT’S FOX NEWS’ BILL O’REILLY!” O’Reilly: “Olbermann, you are such a typical liberal whiner. You can dish it out but you sure can’t take it.” Olbermann begins to respond but he’s interrupted by another visitor. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! NOW CNN’S LOU DOBBS IS OUT HERE!” Dobbs: “Let’s be clear here. You’re both completely full of s***. Jobs are going overseas. The economy is-” *THUMP* Man in suit: “CLEAR!” *ZZZZAP* Dobbs: “As I was saying, the economy is tanking. The housing market is a shambles. People are losing their jobs, their houses, and the best you two both can do is hurl fourth grade insults at each other?” George W. steps in. George W: “Since I’m still in charge here, I’ll settle this issue once and for all. You three will meet in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in a mixed tag three-way dance.” W adds that he will make sure the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot leaves Olbermann alone…at least until Extreme Election Night.

From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008 -11/4/08
MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN and RACHEL MADDOW (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY of Fox News and ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. CNN’S LOU DOBBS and CAMPBELL BROWN (Independent)
The bell sounds. Immediately, Olbermann races across the ring and goes after O’Reilly. Coulter and Maddow hook up in the middle. Dobbs and Brown just hang out in their corner. O’Reilly throws Olbermann over the top rope to the floor. Olbermann gets right back up and pulls O’Reilly’s legs out from under him. He pulls him out of the ring and they start going at it. Olbermann rams O’Reilly’s head into the railing. Clothesline. O’Reilly falls backward over the guardrail into the crowd. Olbermann climbs up the guardrail and lands a flying elbow on O’Reilly. Olbermann is handed a steel folding chair. *WHAP* Olbermann winds up again. *WHAP* O’Reilly kicks the chair into his face. Now O’Reilly with a chair. *WHAP* Olbermann spins like a slow moving top. Chair on the ground. Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! OLBERMANN’S BUSTED WIDE OPEN.” O’Reilly drags Olbermann up to the edge of the stage and heaves him over the edge, five feet below to the wooden floor…

Suave: “Okay, if Dobbs and Brown are still in the ring, what happened to Coulter and Maddow…what…we’ve got a portable camera following them. Where? Oh…the bathroom. Might have guessed.” Maddow goes for the Irish whip. Coulter reverses and slingshots Maddow into the bathroom door. Maddow staggers back. Coulter atomic drops her. Coulter puts her hand under the soap dispenser. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOAP IN THE EYES! SOAP IN THE EYES! MADDOW CAN’T SEE!” Maddow tries to find the sink to wash her eyes out. Coulter takes her by the hair and heaves her at the bathroom door again. Trash can shot. Maddow’s bleeding now…

…Olbermann slams O’Reilly into the steps leading up to the second floor. O’Reilly had just set up two tables just below the edge of the second floor. O’Reilly kicks Olbermann in the chest and sends him flying. O’Reilly with an empty beer bottle. Swings…misses. Olbermann low blows O’Reilly and swats the beer bottle away. Olbermann jumps on O’Reilly’s back and deliberately tries to choke him out…

…Maddow in control in the women’s room. She goes to the soap dispenser and covers her hand in soap. Then she sticks it in Coulter’s mouth. Coulter gags and desperately tries to remove Maddow’s hand from her mouth. Finally, she bites down hard on the hand and Maddow yelps. Coulter reaches the sink and tries to wash out the soap taste. Maddow grabs her arm and whips her into a stall. She charges to follow up. Coulter kicks the stall door shut on Maddow’s face. Maddow pulls herself up and tries again. Same result. This time, Maddow grabs the trash can and heaves it over the wall into the stall. Then she charges in and flails away at Coulter. Maddow grabs Coulter by the hair and slams her face into the wall. Then the other wall. She takes the porcelain cover off the commode and plasters it over Coulter’s head. Coulter’s eyes roll up into her head and she slides to the bathroom floor…

…O’Reilly backs up to the railing overlooking the first floor. Left by O’Reilly misses. Right by Olbermann. Kick by Olbermann. Right by Olbermann. Olbermann then backs up a few steps. Suave: “Oh, no. This can’t end good.”

Olbermann runs towards O’Reilly. Clothesline. O’Reilly up and over the railing but he grabs Olbermann’s arm and pulls him with him. Both men fall twenty feet down through the two tables set up below. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “HOLY S***!…HOLY S***!” Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! OLBERMAN AND O’REILLY JUST FELL TWENTY-FIVE FOOT THROUGH TWO TABLES!” Crowd: “THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)” O’Reilly and Olbermann aren’t moving in the wreckage of the two tables. The referee immediately calls for Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew.

Maddow staggers out on the floor. Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!” Suave: “MADDOW’S BACK OUT…AND SHE’S A MESS.” Maddow somehow makes it back to the ring and crawls back in. Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!” She stands back up…and falls right back down. Dobbs looks at Brown. Brown walks over. Roll up. 1…2…3.

——————————————–

THE AL FRANKEN-NORM COLEMAN FEUD

Totally unexpected. But the Franken/Coleman battles dominated the last two months of the year.

From PCW Extreme Political TV- Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots) -10/7/08

The crowd chants ‘PCW.’ Rights to Coleman. Cross face shots. Body kick by Coleman and back to the wristlock. Coleman adjusts to a hammerlock and works the other arm. Franken rolled into a pinning position for 2. Again, Obama breaks the count. Franken to his feet into a shoulder block by Coleman. Suplex try by Coleman countered by Franken. Coleman thrown out of the ring. Franken to the apron. Flying elbow drop from the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Arianna Huffington sets a table up and Obama puts Coleman on it. McCain runs around the ring. Arianna latches on to him and holds on for dear life. Franken to the top. Sarah Palin hits the ring again with her hockey stick and whacks Franken in the back. Franken falls and hits hard on the floor. Joe Biden now to the ring. Obama and McCain get into it. Biden climbs up to the top rope. Palin starts towards him but Arianna gets in between her and Biden. Biden leaps and puts Coleman through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Biden rolls Coleman back into the ring. Then he rolls Franken back into the ring. Arianna and Palin rolls around on the ring canvas. Suave: “CAT-FIGHT! CAT-FIGHT!” Franken crawls over and covers Coleman. 1…2…3.

From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008 -11/4/08
Minnesota Street Brawl AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. DEAN BARKLEY (Independent)
…Barkley starts the match with a back elbow smash to Franken. Then hard right hands to Coleman’s face. Coleman back into the corner. Barkley blatantly chokes him. Franken clobbers Barkley from behind. Coleman wisely ducks out to the outside to catch his breath. Franken throws Barkley out of the ring and then Coleman slams him into the ringpost. Coleman stomps and kicks Barkley. Barkley gouges him in the eyes. Franken, now out of the ring, throws Coleman into the ring steps and then clotheslines him over the steel barricade into the crowd…

…Coleman reverses a whip then hits a pumphandle slam. Barkley hits a low, low blow on Franken. Franken somehow gets back up and thumbs Barkley in the eye. Coleman rams Franken shoulder-first into the corner ring post. Coleman rolls up Barkley from behind and hooks the tights. 1…2…3. …

…Franken nails Coleman with a road sign. He next pulls out a cheese grater and rubs it across Coleman’s forehead. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! COLEMAN IS BADLY BUSTED OPEN!” Franken pulls a ladder from underneath the ring and clocks Coleman with it. Franken grabs a garbage can and drop toe holds Coleman onto it. Cover. Two count. Coleman staggers back up and Franken knocks him right back out with a steel chair. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken puts Coleman on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Franken leaps off the turnbuckle and crushes Coleman on the metal ladder. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken covers. 1…2…3.

Afterwards…in the parking lot

Al Franken opens up his car door. He starts to get into his car when Norm Coleman slams the door shut on Franken’s left leg. Coleman opens the car door and pulls Franken out. Franken to the ground. Coleman kicks at Franken’s left leg. He kneels down and starts swinging away. Coleman drags Franken up and whips him headfirst into the driver’s side window. Franken staggers back and his left leg gives out. Coleman again pulls him back up and whips him headfirst into the window. Franken slides down the side of the car. Coleman then opens the door and rams it into Franken’s head. Franken is dragged back into his car with his left leg hanging out again. Coleman slams the car door repeatedly against Franken’s leg.

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -11/25/08
NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)

Franken is fired up. Coleman sidesteps the initial charge and wastes no time attacking Franken’s bad leg. Suave: “Coleman with kicks to Franken and drives him down to one knee…LOW BLOW BY FRANKEN!” Franken does it a second time. Coleman’s turns white and tips over onto the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Franken flails on him. He pulls Coleman up by the hair and throws him through the ropes outside. Coleman topples out of the ring and onto the floor…

…Franken again chokes out Coleman. Suave: “Coleman’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can he…say, what is Mark Ritchie doing over there with that rope?” Ritchie throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. Franken drives Coleman towards Ritchie. Franken gets another chair. *CLANG* Coleman staggers. Franken pushes him down at Ritchie’s feet. Ritchie loops the rope around Coleman’s feet. He pulls the rope on the other side and Coleman goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.” Franken gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Coleman with it. Suave: “COLEMAN’S STRUNG UP LIKE A HUMAN PINATA AND FRANKEN’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. COLEMAN’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…AND HERE COMES TIM PAWLENTY!” Pawlenty runs down and swipes the chair from Franken. *CLANG* Franken staggers backwards. Mark Ritchie makes a run at Pawlenty. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. Franken gets up and charges again. *CLANG* Franken pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “TIM PAWLENTY CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN COLEMAN AND I DON’T THINK COLEMAN KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!”…

…Coleman gets up. Franken hits a missile drop kick from the top rope sending him right back down. Franken snapmares him into the corner. Huge knee strike. Franken again up top, double axehandle to Coleman. Coleman throws wild punches that miss by several miles. Clothesline by Franken. He covers. 1…2..no, two count. Franken stomps him repeatedly. Franken picks someone up the top turnbuckle. Superplex from the top rope. Cover 1…2…NO! Coleman’s foot is on the ropes. Franken getting a little frustrated. He yanks Coleman back in the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle. Swanton splash by Franken! ONE… TWO…NO! Suave: “I thought Franken got him. But Coleman kicks out just in time.” Franken sets up for the Piledriver, but Coleman rolls through! Franken takes Coleman up top. Coleman fights off Franken. Half Nelson Suplex by Franken! Another cover. 1…2…again, Coleman kicks out. Franken slams his fist into the canvas. Small package by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN ROLLS HIM UP. 1…2…3-NO! COLEMAN ROLLED HIM OVER! 1…2…3! HE’S DONE IT!”…

…Franken stands in middle of the ring in complete disbelief. Suave: “FRANKEN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HE HAD HIM!” Franken stands in the ring with his arms outstretched. Suave: “HE COMPLETELY HAD HIM! FRANKEN HAD HIM PINNED BUT SOMEHOW, COLEMAN ROLLED FRANKEN OVER AND HE GETS THE WIN!” Franken looks over at Coleman. Coleman’s celebrating. An enraged Franken hits Coleman from behind and then throws him head first into the corner turnbuckle. He picks up the chair and jams it into the back of Coleman’s left knee. Coleman falls backward to the canvas. Suave: “FRANKEN’S SNAPPED! HE’S PISSED AND NOW SLAMMING THAT STEEL CHAIR INTO COLEMAN’S KNEE!” Three shots in a row. Tim Pawlenty hits the ring to stop him. Franken blasts him with the chair and sends Pawlenty flying across the ring. Franken throws the chair down and puts Coleman’s leg through it. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? FRANKEN CLIMBING TO THE TURNBUCKLE!” Franken jumps onto the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN’S TRYING TO SNAP HIS LEG LIKE A TWIG!” Coleman grabs his knee and violently writhes in pain. Franken grabs the leg and spins. Coleman: AGGGGGHHHH! Suave: “FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE FOUR!” Coleman slams the mat with his hands. Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO CRIPPLE COLEMAN…HERE COMES THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter hit the ring. Franken drops the hold and slides out of the ring. Suave: “TOO LATE, THOUGH. THE DAMAGE MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN DONE!”…

Finally, Coleman and Franken would settle everything with a Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch at PCW Completely Deranged in Minneapolis, Minnesota…or would they?

 

 

 

From PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED -12/18/08
STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots)

Suave: “HERE WE GO! FRANKEN GOES RIGHT AFTER COLEMAN’S BAD LEG.” Kicks by Franken to the injured left knee. Coleman tries to get out of the ring but Franken yanks him back in. More kicks to the knee. Russian leg sweep by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN IS NOT MESSING AROUND! HE’S GOING TO INCAPACITATE COLEMAN! BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Lamb: “Johnny, that’s pretty violent. Is this the norm for PCW events?” Suave: “Well…yes….HERE WE GO! FRANKEN’S GOT A CHAIR..” *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” *CLANG* Coleman stumbles back and falls through the ropes to the outside right back the announcer’s table. Lamb: “My God. He’s hurt. Should we help him?” Suave: “That’s probably not advisable, Brian…BECAUSE FRANKEN’S CLIMBED THE TOP ROPE….HE BRINGS THE HEAVY ELBOW DOWN ON COLEMAN!” Franken pulls Coleman up and slams him hard into the steel cage…

…Now it’s Franken in trouble. Coleman inexplicably ignores the ladder and climbs the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “MISSILE DROPKICK FROM THE TOP ROPE SENDS FRANKEN RIGHT BACK INTO THE STEEL CAGE!” Coleman checks under the ring for something. He has it and goes right to Franken. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! AND FRANKEN IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN! THE MOMENTUM HAS CHANGED HANDS!” Coleman pulls out a second ladder from underneath the ring. He immediately jams it in Franken’s gut. Coleman whirls it around and connects again. Lamb: “Now, are all these weapons legal?” Suave: “Um…yes…*BONK* …SKILLET! SKILLET!” Coleman comes over to the announcer’s table and motions Lamb out of his chair. Lamb stands. Lamb: “What am I supposed to sit on?” Suave: “Here. Take mine.” Coleman takes Lamb’s chair and *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “COLEMAN JUST DRILLED FRANKEN WITH TWO CHAIR SHOTS IN A ROW.”…

…Franken crawls back into the ring. Suave: “Franken can’t even stand up.” Coleman also crawls back to the ring. Franken reaches the ladder. Coleman crawls into the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going up. But Coleman is right behind him.” Franken’s about two rungs ahead of Coleman as both climb up opposite sides of the ladder. Franken reaches the top rung first. Coleman’s close enough to where he can start swinging at Franken. Both men try to push each other off the ladder. Franken stands and grabs for the briefcase. Coleman stands and he tries to reach the briefcase. Both latch on to the briefcase at the same time. The ladder suddenly becomes unbalanced. Both Franken and Coleman try to push the other off. Both grab at the briefcase. Lamb: “Isn’t it dangerous for two men to climb up a ladder to try to grab an object suspended in the air?” Suave: “Yes. That’s why you don’t see many ladder- HOLY CRAP! THE LADDER’S FALLING…RIGHT FOR US! BRIAN GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Lamb: “Huh? What?”

Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…“HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “Am I on…hello…okay…THE LADDER TIPPED OVER. FRANKEN AND COLEMAN FOUGHT FOR POSSESSION OF THE BRIEFCASE AS THE LADDER FELL. THE BAD NEWS- THEY JUST DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE. THE GOOD NEWS- SOMETHING SOFT BROKE THEIR FALL. THE BAD NEWS- BRIAN LAMB OF P-SPAN WAS THE SOFT THING THAT BROKE THEIR FALL. I DIDN’T SEE WHO HAD WHAT. THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SORT THIS OUT. THE CROWD IS GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!…HUH?…OH…OKAY…THE REFEREE IS GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER…LET’S GO TO THE RING.” Referee: “Okay. This is what I saw. Norm Coleman had possession-” The crowd explodes. Pro-Coleman and Franken chants erupt. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS BEEN DECLARED THE WINNER! THE REFEREE SAW THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AND CALLED HIM THE WINNER! FRANKEN IS PISSED…

The controversial ending prompted this extraordinary joint statement by PCW CEO George W and PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama on 12/20/08:

 

 

 

“As everyone is aware, a huge controversy has erupted over the end of the Norm Coleman/Al Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch. Norm Coleman was declared the winner after the ladder that both he and Al Franken were on toppled over with both men fighting for the briefcase. At that time, the referee determined that Coleman and Franken simultaneously grabbed the suitcase which meant that whomever had control of the suitcase when they hit the ground would win the match. When the referee went over to the announcer’s table, he saw that Coleman had clear possession of the briefcase and called it accordingly.However, Al Franken strenuously contends that he had possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground and that Coleman took it away from him just as the referee arrived on scene. We have no way to confirm this because both P-SPAN camera covering the event were on the other side of the ring. When the ladder went down, it went down going away from the camera which meant that there was a time period where both wrestlers disappeared from view.As of right now, the call made on the scene stands. However, PCW will investigate Mr. Franken’s claims and try to locate any evidence that might indicate that he in fact did have possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground. If we can find such evidence, we will overturn the decision made by the referee and award the match to Mr. Franken. We hope to have some type of decision made as early as Tuesday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV.”

The decision came down on PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV 12/23/08
W: “As I was saying, we’ve made a decision about the Al Franken/Norm Coleman controversy last Thursday. As you already know, the referee made the call Thursday night that because he saw Norm Coleman with possession of the briefcase, he was awarded the match. However, certain evidence has come to light. Barack? Obama: “Thank you, W. Chris Stellar from the Minnesota Independent came forward with his cell phone camera that recorded what happened as the ladder fell with both Coleman and Franken on it.
CELL PHONE CAMERA ACCOUNT
Coleman and Franken battle. They both grab the suitcase. The ladder becomes unstable and starts to fall. Both men wrestle in the air for possession of the briefcase. The ladder falls directly towards PCW Announcer Johnny Suave’s table. Suave and guest color analyst Brian Lamb from P-SPAN see the ladder falling. Suave dives out of the way. Lamb attempts to cushion the fall. The ladder stops at the ropes and both Coleman and Franken go through the table. Franken clearly has possession of the briefcase. The referee slides out of the ring. Coleman snatches the briefcase away…Obama: “So, as you can see. We have indisputable proof that Al Franken had possession of the briefcase when both men hit the floor. George W. and I have conferred and we both agree that the only fair thing to do is to award the match to Al Franken

Coleman took the decision well…
Coleman attacks Franken. Suave: “HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Both W and Obama clear the ring. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS GONE BERSERK! HE IS PUMMELING FRANKEN…WAIT! HERE COMES THE PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR- SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT- DAWN McGILL!” McGill and her Singapore cane climb into the ring. She drags Coleman away from Franken. Coleman fights it. McGill Russian Leg Sweeps Coleman with the cane and he falls backwards. Suave: “McGILL TRYING TO BREAK THIS UP. SHE TELLS COLEMAN TO GET OUT OF THE RING. FRANKEN TAUNTS COLEMAN! COLEMAN SNAPS RIGHT UP. McGILL AGAIN PULLS COLEMAN AWAY! FRANKEN CONTINUES TO TAUNT COLEMAN! COLEMAN PUSHES FRANKEN! FRANKEN SLAPS…OHHHH, NO. COLEMAN DUCKS AND FRANKEN SLAPS DAWN McGILL!” McGill’s eyes blaze with fury. She immediately heaves Coleman head first out of the ring. Then she starts slowly towards Franken. Suave: “Al, you just made one of the biggest mistakes ever in your life…and yes, that includes Stuart Smalley- the movie. This gal has sterilized more men with her four inch stilettos than most doctors do in a career.” Backpedeling, Franken tries to apologize. *THWACK* Apparently, it’s not accepted. *THWACK* Franken spins and falls to the canvas.

———————————————

THE RISE OF DOMINATION, INCORPORATED
From PCW Newsline -11/20

Let’s go back to the end of PCW Extreme Election Night 2008…

Obama and McCain shake hands and then Obama takes the mic. Obama: “Bubba Jackson. I humbly accept the position of CEO of Political Championship Wrestling.” The crowd stands and cheers. Obama: “We have a lot of work to do to improve PCW and I plan to hit the ground running on January 20th to..OOOOF.” Suave: “QUADRUPLE R…QUADRUPLE R JUST ATTACKED BARACK OBAMA!” Big Oil runs in and chokeslams Starz N. Stripes. Suave: “IT’S THE McMANN CORPORATION! KIRK WALSTREIT AND ROUGH JUSTICE CLEAR THE RING. QUADRUPLE R HAS A CHAIR! *CLANG*” O’Beck Bahama falls to the canvas. Chairshot. Chairshot. Chairshot. Suave: “SOMEONE STOP HIM!” Big Oil chokeslams Starz N. Stripes a second time.
*Def Leppard’s Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*
Suave: “YES! HELP IS ON THE WAY!” The Extreme Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot again runs down to the ring. He climbs in and gets in Quadruple R’s grill. Then WTF turns and power bombs O’Beck Bahama. Suave: “WHAT? I…I…I’M SPEECHLESS!” WTF powerbombs Bahama a second time. Then he spots the PCW Owner Bubba Jackson. Suave: “Oh…my…God. No…no…” Bubba tries to back up but WTF grabs him by the throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The Hack’s crowd boos echo throughout the bar.‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann takes the mic. Mr. McMann: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to announce that the McMann Corporation has undergone a name change. From this date forward, you can call us……DOMINATION, INCORPORATED!” More boos. Mr. McMann: “Our Mission Statement is pretty simple and to the point: ‘Domination Inc. will facilitate the complete and total takeover of Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means.” Louder boos now. Mr. McMann: “We’ve got two of the belts now. O’Beck Bahama- enjoy yours while you can. Now that we have our new Corporate Enforcer on board- Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we’re coming after the title and there’s nothing you or Barack Obama or anyone else here can do to stop up. Once we secure the PCW Title belt, we will rule PCW.”

This isn’t the first time ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann has tried to take over PCW. Back when PCW was BCEW, Johnny Suave had this to say in March 2007 before the BCEW vs. EECW pay per view:

Suave recaps how we got here. Seg McMann’s first appearance in BCEW. His infatuation with BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin that started at BCEW Lock and Load. The inglorious “Seg McMann Kiss My Ass’s Ass Club” debacle at the BCEW Christmas Extravaganza. The shocking betrayal at the 1/17 edition of BCEW Extreme Political TV that saw BCEW lose it’s cable show to Seg McMann and Extremely Extreme Corporate Wrasslin, the stunning attack on BCEW champion, Justin Sufferable, and former champ, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- the twin towers of BCEW, and the revelation at BCEW At War- part one that both Sufferable and Escondido would be out for a year due to severe knee injuries.

Suave: “On BCEW At War- Part 2, Seg McMann appeared to lay down a challenge to BCEW.”
REPLAY FROM BCEW AT WAR- PART TWO
Seg McMann’s face again appears on the big screen TV while the brawl moves towards the back. McMann calls out George W and says it’s time to choose.George W’s mariachi band appears and leads the BCEW CEO down the aisle. Suave: “He’s coming out to answer the challenge of the so-called sports entertainment genius, Seg McMann!” W climbs into the ring followed by Dick and the Mastermind Karl Rove. Rove points to his temple to remind us all that he’s a frickin’ genius. W takes the mic. George W: “Seg. I have just three words for you. BRING IT ON!”

And then, the end of BCEW vs. EECW…

THE END OF BCEW VS. EECW
Triple R taunts Starz and doesn’t see two people hobble into the ring behind him. Suave: “YES! IT’S JUSTIN SUFFERABLE AND ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO!” Triple R turns just in time to see Sufferable clock him in the head with his crutch, knocking the jumper cables out of his hand. The crowd chants ‘welcome back!…welcome back!” Lashaway gets up and tries to get to the cables before A-Bomb but Escondido hops over and grabs the jumpers before Lashaway can. He zaps Lashaway- he’s out. Both Starz and Lashaway are unconscious. The ref is too. Sufferable and Escondido celebrate in the ring. George W and Seg look at each other quizzically. The people in the ring look totally confused.

Suave: “THAT FREAKIN’ JUDAS, TRIPLE R, BETRAYS BCEW! WHO WON TONIGHT? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! IT’S ALL A FREAKIN’ MESS!”

McMann came close in 2007 to taking over BCEW. After being away for a year, McMann made his surprise return May 19th, 2008 on PCW Extreme Political TV.

5/19/08 PCW Extreme Political TV- Mr. McMann returns…
Mr. McMann attempts to apologize for everything that led up to the BCEW-EECW war in March, 2007 and asks for a second chance to show his ‘genius.’ W thinks about it. Then he tells Mr. McMann he’ll allow him to come back if he can win a special match against an opponent of his choosing. Mr. McMann accepts.Mr. McMann stands in the ring waiting for his opponent. PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth announces that his opponent will be…PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin! The crowd cheers as Tessa comes to the ring with her specially retrofitted oversized pizza box. Her 3 Amiga compadres Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila accompany her.

MATCH #2 “Sports Entertainment Genius” MR. McMANN vs. “PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila
Mr. McMann smiles at Tessa. Tessa’s glare could bore through steel. McMann: “Hey. You’re not still upset about the fact that I stalked you and later had you hypnotized on the old BCEW Cable show to make you do a striptease, are you?” She raises her eyebrows at him. McMann: “I’m just here to let bygones be bygones. Let’s just shake hands and start all over, okay?” Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. Suave: “Nope. Guess not.” She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.
Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”

After that auspicious start, Mr. McMann began to put together his new project- the McMann Corporation. First- Quadruple R and Kathryn Randall Collins. But things still weren’t going their way. On October 7th, McMann announced the acquisition of Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit. On the 14th, Daisy Cutter-Bomb of the 3 Amigas turned on her teammate ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and joined McMann’s Corporation.

10/14-PCW Extreme Political TV: #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!” Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all.

The moves paid off immediately on the October 21st PCW Extreme Political TV.

10/21-PCW Extreme Political TV: #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
Suave:
“Here we go. This one should be a doozy. The winner gets a shot at the PCW Tag Team belts in two weeks.” Suave also notes that it’s weird to see Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the opposite corner of her brothers A-Bomb, H-Bomb, and N-Bomb. The bell rings. A-Bomb and Big Oil lock up. Suave: “Hold on! Quadruple R in the ring…*WHAP* HOLY CRAP! That was a sickening chairshot on A-Bomb. H-Bomb’s in the ring…Ruff and Justice are in the ring. Newt Tron Bomb is in the ring. IT’S CHAOS!” Big Oil plants A-Bomb with an Oklahoma Driller. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! And now, Ruff has a taser…HE JUST TASERED H-BOMB! DAWN McGILL IS LYING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE THE RING. SHE’S BEEN ASSAULTED BY DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! WALSTREIT GIVES H-BOMB THE STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! THIS IS CARNAGE!”Big Oil drags A-Bomb up and Daisy climbs into the ring with a Singapore cane. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! DAISY’S NOT GOING TO…NOT TO HER OWN BROTHER…*THWACK* CANE SHOT! CANE SHOT! A-BOMB IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY!” Big Oil throws A-Bomb down and gets the easy cover. 1…2…3.

At PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, the McMann Corporation struck pay dirt…twice…

Ending of PCW Tag Team Title Match JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance)vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex and KIRK WALSTREIT- the Man with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Walstreit w/the McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation)
In the ring, chokeslam by Big Oil on Jack Schett. Bull Schett powerbombs Kirk Walstreit. Big Oil and Bull then go at it. Suave: “QUADRUPLE R’S IN THE RING. HE’S GOT A CHAIR *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! HE BENT THAT CHAIR ON BULL SCHETT’S SKULL!” Bull down. Ruff throws Big Oil one of the Schett’s bricks. Jack is back up and stumbling around the ring. Suave: “OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! *WHAP* HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil breaks the brick over Jack Schett’s head. The brick explodes on impact and Jack’s out. Big Oil covers. 1…2…3. Suave: “WE’VE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”

Ending of PCW Women’s Title Match KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/The McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation)vs. ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom)
KRC staggers backwards. Atomic drop by Opal. Body slam. Leg drop. Opal launches herself backwards into the ropes. Daisy jumps on the ring apron and throws Opal a chair. *WHAP* Suave: “VAN DAMINATOR! VAN DAMINATOR! KRC JUST KICKED THAT CHAIR INTO OPAL’S FACE! Opal’s in trouble!” Barack Obama is on the ring apron and shouting encouragement to a woozy Winfree. Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB ON OPAL WINFREE! KRC FOR THE COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!” James Carville and Paul Begala hit the ring and double team clotheslines Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Big Oil climbs into the ring and grabs Begala from behind. Suave: “Oh, oh. This isn’t good for Paul Begala.” Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Begala bounces off the canvas. Carville tries to get out while the getting’s good. Big Oil drags him back in. Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Daisy lifts Opal up again for another Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. Obama jumps in the ring and tries to stop her. Quadruple R grabs Obama and whips him into the corner. Daisy up and wham! Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. KRC calls for a table. Kirk Walstreit slides it in and KRC sets it up. Daisy drags Opal up one more time. Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!” Opal up. Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb through the table. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” KRC calls for another table. Suave: “WHAT? JUST PIN HER ALREADY!” Again, Walstreit slides in a table. KRC sets up on the top rope corner turnbuckle. Daisy drags Opal over to her and sets her up. Suave: “OPAL’S SET. HERE COMES SOCCER MOM. DAISY GRABS HER! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB! DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Crowd: “THIS MATCH RULES! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) THIS MATCH RULES (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST OBLITERATED SOCCER MOM WITH A DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB. THEN KRC DDT’S OPAL FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! KRC COVERS… ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

Now, McMann has his sights on the PCW title.

Mr. McMann: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to announce that the McMann Corporation has undergone a name change. From this date forward, you can call us……DOMINATION, INCORPORATED!” More boos. Mr. McMann: “Our Mission Statement is pretty simple and to the point: ‘Domination Inc. will facilitate the complete and total takeover of Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means.” Louder boos now. Mr. McMann: “We’ve got two of the belts now. O’Beck Bahama- enjoy yours while you can. Now that we have our new Corporate Enforcer on board- Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we’re coming after the title and there’s nothing you or Barack Obama or anyone else here can do to stop up. Once we secure the PCW Title belt, we will rule PCW.”

————————————————

AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, SARAH PALIN IN HANDCUFFS

From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/21/08
BACKSTAGE

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin walks down the hallway towards the ring dressed in a short black dress with thigh high black boots. Alec Baldwin pops out of a side room and surprises her. Alec: “Sarah. Long time no see.” Sarah: “Alec? What are you doing here?” Alec: “I just wanted to say that you were great on Saturday Night Live the other night.” Sarah: “Thanks. I have a great time.” Alec: “And I’ve got to say again, you are so much hotter in person.” Sarah: “Thanks again, Alec. I need to go to the ring for the-” Alec: “Look, can I talk to you for a sec.” Sarah: “Well…I really need to get the ring.” Alec: “It won’t take that long, I promise.” Sarah: “Oh…all right, I guess.” Sarah and Alec go into the room. The door slams and there’s a commotion inside.

PREVIEW OF NEW HAMPSHIRE INTERGENDER MATCH: JOHN SUNUNU w/John McCain and Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs. JEANNE SHAHEEN w/Barack Obama and Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)
…Sarah Palin is late coming out. She joins McCain in Sununu’s corner. The bell rings. Clothesline by Sununu. Shaheen gets back up and Sununu clotheslines her again. He covers but Shaheen slips out at 2. Snap mare to Shaheen. Sununu whips her to the corner. He charges but Shaheen sidesteps him and he hits the corner…

…Shaheen tries a handspring elbow but Sununu catches her in mid flight and puts her in a full nelson. To the corner, Sununu tells Palin to nail Shaheen with the hockey stick. Palin winds up and she swings. *THWACK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OUT JOHN SUNUNU!” Sununu crumples to the mat. Shaheen covers. 1…2…3. …

Suave: “UNBELIEVABLE! SARAH PALIN HIT SUNUNU WITH A HOCKEY STICK AND COST HIM THE MATCH! JOHN McCAIN IS LIVID!” McCain shoots daggers towards Palin. Sarah: “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” McCain takes her by the hand and storms away. Palin turns around at Suave and winks. Suave: “Wait a minute. There’s something going on here.”

BACKSTAGE
Inside a closet is the real Sarah Palin…

Suave: “I knew it! That wasn’t the real Sarah Palin. That was Tina Fey!”

————————————–

UPCOMING SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
Tomorrow- PCW’s Best Ten Matches of 2008
1/8- PCW Newsline
1/12- PCW Newsline
1/13- PCW Extreme Political TV returns
1/15- PCW Newsline
1/19- PCW Newsline
1/20- PCW Night of Champions/Barack Obama Officially Installed as PCW CEO

PREVIOUS SHOWS AND NEWSLINES:
12/26 PCW Newsline: Merry Christmas, The ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave and his lifesize, cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin
12/23 PCW Extreme Political TV Christmas- Hour Two: Rod Blagojevich is F****** Golden…Not, Rematch of PCW Title Match from PCW Extreme Election Night 2008
12/23 PCW Extreme Political TV Christmas- Hour One: Coleman/Franken Decision, Emily List, Rick Warren Appears
12/20 PCW Newsline- Joint Statement by PCW CEO George W. and PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama re: Coleman/Franken Controversy
12/18 PCW Completely Deranged- Coleman/Franken Ends with Huge Controversy
12/16 PCW Extreme Political TV- Obama Names PCW Security Director, Caroline Kennedy? In PCW?, the Return of Jack and Bull Schett
12/15 PCW Newsline- 12/16 PCW Extreme Political TV Preview, 12/18 PCW Completely Deranged- Coleman vs. Franken III Preview
12/11 PCW Newsline- PCW Completely Deranged One Week Away, Domination Inc. Demands #1 Contender Match Be Thrown Out, Johnny Suave and Big Oil Have Altercation
12/8 PCW Newsline- 12/18 PCW Completely Deranged from Minnesota to be on P-SPAN, PCW Rocks Alaska, Joe Sixpacks, Dr. Bill Fractures His Other Ankle
12/7 PCW Roadshow Across America in Juneau, Alaska: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defends the TV title, Emily List vs The Eskimo Queen w/Sarah Palin, Starz N. Stripes vs. Quadruple R for the #1 contender’s spot
12/4 PCW Newsline-Breaking News: Coleman v. Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch set for 12/18, PCW-12/7 in Alaska, Saxby Chambliss (American Patriots) vs. Jim Martin (Progressive Alliance)
12/1 PCW Newsline- Domination Inc. Press Release, Profile- ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin

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