12/29- PCW NEWSLINE- RECAPPING THE MEMORABLE MOMENTS FROM 2008
BCEW (PCW) TAKES TO THE ROAD WITH THE BCEW (PCW) ROAD SHOW ACROSS AMERICA TOUR
The First Ever BCEW (PCW) Roadshow Across America begins with BCEW “DRAMA IN DES MOINES”- 1/3/2008
The crowd chants, “BCEW…BCEW…BCEW” as Charlene Ann Beckworth comes out and welcomes everyone to BCEW’s first show away from the Northwest Ohio, Southeast Michigan area.
BCEW “MAYHEM IN MANCHESTER”- 1/8/2008
BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- LIVE AT MICHIGAN MADNESS From the Mid-Michigan Roller Arena, Lansing, MI.- 1/15/08
BCEW ‘LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE’ – 1/29/08
BCEW ‘SUPER TUESDAY THROWDOWN’ – 2/5/08 Nashville, TN
BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- LIVE FROM RICHMOND, VIRGINIA -2/12/08
BCEW MILWAUKEE MELTDOWN -2/19/08
BCEW ‘DAY OF JUDGMENT’ FROM (COLUMBUS) OHIO -3/4/08
BCEW KEYSTONE STATE KHAOS- THE MOMENT OF TRUTH- 4/22/08
BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY from Fort Wayne, Indiana – 5/6/08
PCW (BCEW) TITLE CHANGES HANDS TWICE
From BCEW ‘LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLTICAL DESTRUCTION- 1/20/08
BCEW WORLD TITLE MATCH: Champion “Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. He is…” JUSTIN SUFFERABLE (Progressive Alliance) VS. Former ‘Rookie Sensation’ STARZ N. STRIPES w/ ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (American Patriots)
Sufferable takes control with power slams. Bulldog in the middle of the ring and Starz looks ready to go. Sufferable lifts him up for a brainbuster. Drifting back into a corner, Sufferable suddenly loses his footing and Starz falls hard to the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS A BAD FALL FOR STARZ N. STRIPES! BUT…SUFFERABLE’S HURT. IT’S HIS KNEE…HIS SURGICALLY REPAIRED KNEE.”The referee signals to the back. Sufferable grabs his knee and rolls back and forth in excruciating pain. Starz is groggy. He finally pulls himself up to a sitting position and realizes how much trouble Sufferable is in. Suave: “Does he go for the pin?” Starz tells the ref the match is over. The ref calls for the bell.
A tournament was held to determine a Progressive Alliance, American Patriot, and Independent representative to wrestle for the BECW title at BECW Day of Judgment in Columbus, Ohio.
From BCEW DAY OF JUDGMENT- 3/4/08
BCEW TITLE MATCH- STARZ N. STRIPES w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Insanely Smelly Luchador’ HALITOSIS (Independent)
Starz connects with a wicked left that sends Halitosis flying across the ring. Spike slam. Vertical suplex sucks the wind from Halitosis. Starz lifts him up and drives Halitosis to the canvas with a piledriver. Starz covers. 1-2-3.
HALITOSIS IS ELIMINATED
It comes down to the ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes and the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama. Starz puts on a wrestling clinic, constantly staying one step ahead of the inexperienced Bahama. Armbar by Starz. Bahama reverses to a half nelson. Starz reverses that into a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama twists and escapes. Dropkick by Bahama. Chop by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed with a suplex. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz bounces up, lifts him up, and back suplexes Bahama. A second back suplex by Starz. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. 1…2…3…and we’ve got a new champion
Throughout the rest of the Spring and in the Fall, O’Beck Bahama continued to pursue his quest to become the BCEW, now PCW, title with the help of Barack Obama. At PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, Bahama finally broke through…
From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008- 11/4/08
PCW Title Match: ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
…Bahama shoots him into the ropes again but this time Starz hangs onto them. Starz slides out of the ring and takes a walk to confer with McCain. .Starz back in and they lock up yet again. Bahama monkey-flips Starz and delivers the boots to the gut. Out of nowhere, Starz slaps on the American Star and Fuji Arm Bar submission hold. Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!” Bahama grabs the ropes and hold on to them for dear life. The referee breaks the hold…
…Starz charges. Bahama ducks and back body drops the PCW champion over the ropes and through a ring table. Suave: HOLY CRAP!” O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Starz on the floor. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Starz crawls out of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Starz with it. Starz slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps. Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! STARZ CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!” Bahama pulls Starz up. Superkick! Starz falls backwards and hits the floor hard. Barack Obama urges Bahama on. Bahama presses the attack, grabbing another steel folding chair and pastes the champion in the face with it. He throws the chair on the floor. Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! THE PCW CHAMPION IS IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE’S AT!”…
…Running splash takes the air out of Starz. Bahama covers. Suave: “1…2…McCAIN SAVES HIM! McCAIN RAN OVER AND PUT THE CHAMPION’S FOOT ON THE ROPES!” Bahama drives Starz to the canvas with a running power bomb. The crowd begins to anticipate a possible title change. Suave: “THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT! BAHAMA COVERS…” A huge roar erupts. Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN! SHE’S IN THE RING! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP! *THWACK* OH! SHE NAILED BAHAMA WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!” Bahama staggers. Suave: “TINA FEY! TINA FEY’S OUT HERE! SHE GOES UP TO PALIN…SHE TAKES THE HOCKEY STICK AWAY. AND NOW, FEY’S LEAVING! PALIN’S CHASING HER.”…
… Belly to belly suplex. Bahama bounces off the canvas. Suave: “STARZ WITH THE MOMENTUM AND…HE WANTS A TABLE!” McCain slides a table into the ring and Stara sets it up. Rights by Starz. Then he sets Bahama up. Suave: “HE’S LINING BAHAMA UP…” The PCW crowd roars again. Suave: “SARAH PALIN! .SARAH PALIN’S BACK OUT!…OR IS IT TINA FEY?” Palin climbs up to the ring apron. Suave: “I DON’T THINK STARZ’S SURE IF IT REALLY HER OR NOT.” McCain’s confused. Suave: “STARZ PULLS BAHAMA UP AND HOLDS HIM…HE’S TELLING PALIN OR FEY OR WHOMEVER TO GO AHEAD.” Palin swings. Bahama ducks. Starz catches the stick with his hand. He throws Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “STARZ IS PISSED. HE FLIPS HER INTO THE RING!” The crowd stands and cheers. Suave: “HE’S NOT! YES HE IS.” Starz powerbombs her through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Tina Fey runs out dressed as Palin. She winks at Starz and leaves. Suave: “OH MY GOD! STARZ JUST POWER-BOMBED SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!” Starz looks at the unconscious Palin lying among the ruins of the table in abject disbelief…
…Bahama rolls up Starz. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NO! McCAIN BREAKS THE COUNT! McCAIN LITERALLY LEAPED ACROSS THE RING TO STOP THE REFEREE FROM COUNTING OUT STARZ!” Bahama climbs up the corner turnbuckle. 450 Splash on Starz. Again, he covers. Suave: “ONE…TWO…AGAIN! McCAIN AGAIN STOPS THE COUNT!” McCain stumbles back to his corner. Bahama picks up Starz and power bombs him. Cover. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NOOOOO! McCAIN AGAIN SAVES STARZ! UNBELIEVEABLE!” Obama pounds on the ring canvas. Everyone is standing up in the building. Suave: “THIS CROWD IS GOING NUTS! JOHN McCAIN HAS SAVED THREE PINFALLS! HOLD ON. BAHAMA WANTS A TABLE SET UP OUTSIDE THE RING.” Obama quickly sets up a table. Bahama picks up Starz. He runs towards the ropes and heaves him over. Starz destroys the table. Suave: “AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! BAHAMA TO THE TOP ROPE. 45O SPLASH! HE COVERS. ONE…WAIT! WHAT’S DICK CHENEY DOING. HE RUNS INTO McCAIN…” The bell rings. Suave: “THAT WAS THE BELL? WAIT A MINUTE…CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH IN THE RING.”Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW PCW-” The deafening crowd drowned out the rest of what of Charlene Ann said. Suave: “HE DID IT! HE DID IT! O’BECK BAHAMA IS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…PCW!…” Suave: “LET’S LOOK AT THIS FROM ANOTHER VIEW. HOLY CRAP! McCAIN WAS TRYING TO GET OVER TO STARZ BUT DICK ACCIDENTLY TRIPPED HIM UP. THERE’S THE THREE COUNT.”
KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/HILLARY CLINTON DEFEATS OPAL WINFREE w/BARACK OBAMA TO BECOME THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION…FOR TWO WEEKS
From BCEW “MAYHEM IN MANCHESTER”- JAN. 8th
-BCEW Women’s Title Match- BCEW Women’s champion “Media Empress” Opal Winfree w/her flock (Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy) and ‘The Natural’ Barack Obama, Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) with Hillary Clinton, and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin with John Edwards in a Progressive Alliance three-way dance
Opal attacks KRC with punches and then bulldogs her on a chair. Another 2 count.After a third power bomb, Hillary signaled to the back and out came the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, and Sidney Blumenthal. Carville threw two chairs into the ring and power bombs Soccer Mom through them. McAuliffe put a table in the corner and Blumenthal belly-to-belly suplexes New Age Sensitive Guy through it. Barack gets on the ring apron. Blumenthal occupies him while KRC threw powder in Opal’s eyes. The ref takes a bump when Opal accidentally squashes him in the corner. Hillary slips Collins something. KRC turns and hits Opal with a chain. KRC covers. No referee. Hillary goes to the back to find someone. Next, KRC pulls out a metal object and belts Opal with it. She’s out. No referee. Carville and McAuliffe have Opal’s Flock under control. Barack can’t get by Blumenthal. Hillary drags another referee out. KRC covers. One. Two. Three. And we have a new BCEW Women’s champion. All Barack can do is look on in shock as KRC, Hillary, and her Political Pitbulls celebrate.
FROM BCEW LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION- 1/20/08
BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Champion KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/Hillary Clinton (HRC) and the Clinton Political Pitbulls, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance) VS. Former champion “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE w/Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
Back in the ring, suplex by KRC followed by a flatliner. KRC hits a tilt a whirl back breaker. Suave: “Opal’s in trouble.” Springboard kick by KRC and then she sets up for her finisher- the PPD (Personal Political Destruction). KRC gets Opal up and hits the twisting suplex maneuver and goes for the cover. Hillary bangs her hand on the ring canvas. One…two…three… Suave: “What’s going on? It appears the referee is having a talk with Barack Obama and missed the count!” Hillary is furious and bangs even harder on the ring. KRC goes over and shoves the referee from behind. And then Bill Clinton hops into the ring and lights into the referee. Opal crawls over and rolls KRC up from behind. Obama shouts at the ref. The ref turns and sees the roll-up. One…two…three.
KRC WINS IT BACK AT PCW’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008- 11/4/08
PCW Women’s Title Match: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/The McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation) vs. ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom)
The bell rings and Collins and Winfree lock up. Collins tries to switches and gets behind Winfree. Takedown by Winfree. Modified surfboard by Winfree. Daisy Cutter-Bomb (McMann Corp) immediately runs in and pushes Winfree off. Winfree chops at Daisy. KRC climbs the rope and hits a DDT. KRC covers. 1…2. Easy kick out by Winfree…
… KRC staggers backwards. Atomic drop by Opal. Body slam. Leg drop. Opal launches herself backwards into the ropes. Daisy jumps on the ring apron and throws Opal a chair. *WHAP* Suave: “VAN DAMINATOR! VAN DAMINATOR! KRC JUST KICKED THAT CHAIR INTO OPAL’S FACE! Opal’s in trouble!” Barack Obama is on the ring apron and shouting encouragement to a woozy Winfree. Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB ON OPAL WINFREE! KRC FOR THE COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!”…
…Daisy lifts Opal up again for another Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. Obama jumps in the ring and tries to stop her. Quadruple R grabs Obama and whips him into the corner. Daisy up and wham! Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. KRC calls for a table. Kirk Walstreit slides it in and KRC sets it up. Daisy drags Opal up one more time. Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!” Opal up. Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb through the table. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” KRC calls for another table. Suave: “WHAT? JUST PIN HER ALREADY!” Again, Walstreit slides in a table. KRC sets up on the top rope corner turnbuckle. Daisy drags Opal over to her and sets her up. Suave: “OPAL’S SET. HERE COMES SOCCER MOM. DAISY GRABS HER! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB! DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Crowd: “THIS MATCH RULES! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) THIS MATCH RULES (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST OBLITERATED SOCCER MOM WITH A DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB. THEN KRC DDT’S OPAL FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! KRC COVERS… ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”
TED KENNEDY TURNS ON BILL CLINTON
This took place right in the middle of the white hot feud that raged through BCEW for the first few months of the year. Kathryn Randall Collins (KRC) had just lost the Women’s title back to Opal Winfree nine days before. Both Clinton and Obama wanted Ted Kennedy on their side. At BCEW Last Tango in Tallahassee, Kennedy made his choice.
From BCEW LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE – 1/29/08
SPECIAL PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE TAG TEAM MATCH- KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC and BILL CLINTON w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe vs. ‘MEDIA EMPRESS’ OPAL WINFREE and BARACK OBAMA w/ Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy
KRC wanders back to her corner and Clinton tags himself in. Opal then tags Obama in. Big stare down. Bill and Obama circle and jaw at each other. The crowd rises in anticipation. Bill shoves Obama. Obama shoves Bill. Then out of nowhere, Ted Kennedy runs down with a steel-folding chair and jumps in the ring. Kennedy looks at both men. Bill implores him to help Hillary. Barack implores him for his support. Kennedy eyeballs Clinton…then Obama. Then he pastes Clinton with the chair.Hillary is in shock. The Clinton Political Pitbulls hit the ring. Opal’s Flock hit the ring. Everyone’s in the ring. Somewhere lost in the melee, Barack sneaks in a cover and gets the win.Ted Kennedy then cuts a promo decrying the devisive bare knuckles, hardball tactics of the Clintons and says that Barack Obama would be a fitting nominee from the Progressive Alliance to be the next BCEW CEO. Kennedy declares that it’s time for Barack Obama. “It’s not the length of time in BCEW that matters, it’s his vision. He’ll be ready to become BCEW CEO on day one.”
ANN COULTER TRAPPED IN A CAGE WITH 3 ANGRY AMIGAS
It all started at BCEW Super Tuesday Throwdown.
From BCEW SUPER TUESDAY THROWDOWN (Nashville, Tennessee) -2/5/08
‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON (American Patriots) w/ Neal Conn- making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order vs. BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Hallie controls the match most of the way. Tessa suddenly hits a ‘pizza cutter’ and rallies back. Neal Conn grabs her foot though and pulls her out of the ring. Bobby Bare’s “Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila” plays and Tequila Sheila, who lost to Hallie Burton at BCEW’s Last Tango in Tallahassee when Conn clipped her knee, runs down and bashes Conn’s head in with a blender. Sheila hits the ring and clocks Hallie with the blender. Tessa covers and the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl picks up the big upset win.
Tequila Sheila celebrates with Tessa in the ring until the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter comes to the ring and attacks them. Coulter lays out Sheila with her blender and then takes a warm pizza out of the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’s pizza bag and dumps it all over Tessa.
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter would continue to be a thorn in Tessa’s side. Now teamed up with Tequila Sheila, Tessa would again face the wrath of Coulter on PCW Extreme Political TV from Virginia.
From BECW EXTREME POLITICAL TV FROM VIRGINIA -2/12/08
‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
The match never really formally starts as Coulter, still extremely distressed over the fact that John McCain is going to be the American Patriots nominee for BCEW CEO in November, snaps and starts nailing Sheila and Martin with a steel folding chair. Burton also attacks the pair and drapes both Sheila and Tessa on a table. Coulter goes to the top rope with a chair in hand and leaps, driving both women through the table. The referee comes over to count and Coulter whaps him with the chair. Coulter tosses him on another table and puts the ref through it cleanly. Coulter throws down the chair and skulks back to the dressing room.
Then the next week in Milwaukee, Coulter again went ballistic on Tessa and Tequila Sheila.
From BCEW MILWAUKEE MELTDOWN (Wisconsin) -2/19/08
‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA and ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN (Independent)
Take two. Last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV in Virginia, the match never came off because Coulter, still pissed off over John McCain becoming the new leader of the American Patriots, threw a fit and attacked Sheila and Tessa before the bell. Would this week be different? Well…no. Coulter sprayed hairspray in Sheila’s face as she came out to her song ‘Tequila Sheila’ by Bobby Bare, and then she and Burton again assaulted their opponents pre-bell. This week, Burton and Coulter was joined by Right Wing Blogger Michelle Malkin who clubbed their opponents incessantly with an old computer keyboard. The 3 on 2 continued until Daisy Cutter-Bomb of Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army ran out to even the odds. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Burton. Daisy Cutter Power Bomb to Malkin. Coulter hightails it out before Daisy can get her hands on her.
Post-match, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin challenged Coulter and Burton to settle their differences once and for all in a six-woman tag team cage match. Sheila, Tessa, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb vs. Burton, Coulter, and Malkin. Finally at the Palace of Political Extreme, Tessa, Tequila Sheila, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb dish out a little long overdue payback on ‘The Queen of Political Extreme.’
From BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -2/26/08
‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON, ‘Right Wing Blogger’ MICHELLE MALKIN, and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. TEQUILA SHEILA, “BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN, and DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Independent)
Suave: “Well? I guess this is take three. The last two weeks, Ann Coulter has proved why she is the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ by destroying both Tessa Martin and Tequila Sheila before their match was to have began. Tonight, it’s a cage match.” Tequila Sheila, serenaded by the BCEW Hall crowd to the Bobby Bare song, ‘Tequila Sheila,’ is the last one of the Independent team to enter the cage. Tessa wields an extra-large pizza box and Daisy Cutter-Bomb has her Singapore cane at the ready.Coulter, Hallie Burton, and Michelle Malkin arrive next. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ enters the cage and immediately starts chirping at all three of her opponents. There’s commotion on the floor and a creepy guy accosts both Hallie Burton and Michelle Malkin. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS GARY BUSEY DOING HERE?” Busey, fresh off his unnerving appearance on the red carpet at the Oscars, hugs both Burton and Malkin. Both women look horrified. Burton tries to spin away and in the process shuts the cage, trapping Coulter inside with all three of their opponents. Burton and Malkin run away with Busey in hot pursuit.
Coulter suddenly realizes she’s in big trouble. She suddenly tries to make nice with her opponents. Coulter: “Remember all those things I said and did the last couple weeks? Well, it was all just a misunderstanding…yeah, that’s it…it was all a mistake-” *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! BCEW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN JUST SMACKED COULTER IN THE KISSER WITH THE PIZZA BOX! WHAT THE HELL IS INSIDE…” Tessa tears opens the box. It’s a road sign. Suave: “Ahhh, makes sense now.” Tequila Sheila then pours a blender full of tequila onto the semi-conscious Coulter. Daisy then drags Coulter up by her long, blond mane and finishes her off with a ‘Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb.’ Daisy sticks her foot on Coulter’s chest. 1-2-3.
BUCKLAND COUNTY EXTREME WRESTLING…BCEW…BECOMES POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING…PCW.
From BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY -5/6/08
BCEW Owner Bubba Jackson arrives in the ring to make his big announcement. He tells the BCEW faithful that it’s been a wonderful three years and that they’ve come a long way since the first BCEW pay per view show, Loose Cannons Unleashed in March, 2005. Bubba: “But now, it’s time to take the next step. And with that step means we’re branching out a little farther and, more importantly, necessitates a name change.” Crowd seems mildly confused. Bubba: “Starting tonight, BCEW is no more; PCW- Political Championship Wrestling is born!” Bubba reassures everyone that Buckland County, and especially Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and the now, PCW Hall, will remain the emotional heart and soul of PCW. Bubba: “But, we are on the way to bigger and better things!”
MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN/ FOX NEWS’ BILL O’REILLY (AND SOMETIMES CNN’S LOU DOBBS) FEUD
This feud raged throughout the year and featured some of the most brutal, extreme action seen in PCW.
From BCEW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION PPV – 1/20/08
MSNBC’s KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) VS. Fox News’s BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots)
At the bell, Olbermann immediately rushs across the ring and starts brawling with O’Reilly. Olbermann lands a stiff shot. O’Reilly responded with one of his own. Back and forth around the ring, both men flail away at each other before Olbermann kicks O’Reilly in the stomach and then tosses him over the top rope out of the ring…
…Chair shot by O’Reilly. He drags Olbermann to the edge of the stage and someone hands him a political placard. O’Reilly wound up and pasted Olbermann over the head with the placard. Then someone hands him a political sign on a wooden stick. The Fox News star snaps it half over his opponent’s head. Adding insult to injury, O’Reilly takes the jagged edge of the broken stick and rakes it across Olbermann’s forehead. Suave: “HOLY CRAP. Olbermann’s busted wide open!” Crowd: “BCEW…BCEW!” Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! OLBERMANN JUST RAKED O’REILLY ACROSS THE FOREHEAD WITH A CHEESE GRATER!” A pizza pan just happened to land on stage near O’Reilly. He grabs the pan and bends it in half over Olbermann’s head. Olbermann finds a CD case someone threw on stage and smashes it in O’Really’s face, opening up several small nicks and cuts. Then, O’Really takes a Leonard Cohen record from a man and breaks it over Olbermann’s head. Suave: “WHAT ACTION! THESE TWO SIMPLY DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER AND……HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES LOU DOBBS!”CNN’s Lou Dobbs runs in with his new book, Independents Day, and starts pasting both men with it. Suave: “DOBBS IS USING HIS OWN BOOK TO TAKE OUT BOTH OLBERMANN AND O’REILLY!” Already physically sapped from destroying each other, Dobbs’s sneak attack leaves both men lying in their own blood on the floor.
From BCEW LAST TANGO IN TALLAHASSEE – 1/29/08
CNN’S LOU DOBBS (Independent) vs. MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) vs. FOX NEWS’S BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots)
…Olbermann immediately goes after O’Reilly but eats an Independent DDT from Dobbs. O’Reilly heaves Olbermann out of the ring and goes for the chair right away. Two chairshots to Olbermann. Dobbs comes off the top rope and takes O’Reilly’s head off. Dobbs flings O’Reilly into the barricade…
…Olbermann pulled off the top rope by O’Reilly and lands hard on the floor. O’Reilly sets up a second table and drapes Olbermann on it. O’Reilly climbs the turnbuckle. John Edwards and David Letterman, of all people, run-in. Edwards pulls Olbermann off the table. Letterman pushes O’Reilly from behind and sends him through the table. The crowd goes “BCEW…BCEW!” Olbermann covers and he gets the pin.
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV – 8/25/08
EXTREME SCAFFOLD MATCH- MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY of Fox News (American Patriots)
Suave spots someone climbing up the scaffolding. Suave: “Hey. Who’s that…hold on…that’s…yes, that’s Daily Show host Jon Stewart! He’s joining Olbermann and O’Reilly on the scaffolding.” Stewart castigates O’Reilly. Stewart: “Fox’s ‘fair and balanced’ slogan is an insult to people with brains.” O’Reilly sneers back at Stewart and mocks the ‘crash and burn ratings’ when he hosted this year’s Oscars. Stewart then turns to Olbermann. Stewart: “And as for you, Olbermann. News flash- MSNBC and CNN aren’t much better.” Now Olbermann glares at Stewart. Stewart declares that newspapers are a better source of political coverage but get overshadowed by the 24 hour news cycle driving the narratives. Stewart then pushes both Olbermann and O’Reilly off the scaffolding and they fall through the tables set up below. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -9/16/08
MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) with Hardball Chris Matthews vs. BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots) of Fox News
…Olbermann charges O’Reilly, but he bails to the floor. The No-Spin Factor climbs back in and smirks at Olbermann. Olbermann pops him with a short left and O’Reilly heads back out again. Olbermann yells at the referee to get him back in the ring…or as he put it, “get him back in the ring, DAMMIT!” Olbermann becomes frustrated with O’Reilly’s stalling on the apron. The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd counts along with the referee to eight before O’Reilly slides back into the ring…
…MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow confronts O’Reilly on the floor. O’Reilly distracted, Hardball Chris Matthews grabs a steel-folding chair and waffles him with it. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Maddow and Matthews stomp away at the No-Spin Factor. Olbermann grabs the mic and taunts O’Reilly. The crowd boos. Olbermann tells them to shut their mouth and screams at O’Reilly. He calls the audience blind sheep and promises to put O’Reilly and the Fox News into a box. Matthews holds O’Reilly down as Olbermann climbs to the top of the corner turnbuckle. The crowd suddenly stands. A portly man jogs into the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS! AND HE’S GOT A STEEL-FOLDING CHAIR!”Dobbs to the corner. *WHAP* Suave: “YES! Olbermann’s down!” Olbermann falls backwards off the top rope and lands back first on the canvas. Dobbs takes the mic and tells Olbermann ‘that one’s for my children whom you attacked because of my political views.’ Dobbs tells him he’s ‘hanging by a highly medicated thread’ much to the crowd’s delight. Dobbs: “You know, I might be the worst person in the world. But you, my friend, are the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG A-HOLE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!”
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/7/08
BARBRA STREISAND RANTS AGAINST THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES
The Black Swamp Pirates, fresh from their impromptu gig at Barbra Streisand’s Beverly Hills fundraiser for Barack Obama, come out to play a new song. Before they can start though, Barbra Streisand stomps out to the ring. She’s pissed off that DeWayne Cantrell ruined her fundraiser. She’s equally as pissed off that the Pirates dared to play country music at the event as well. Streisand: “NO ONE @#$##$# DOES THAT TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M BARBRA @#$#ING STREISAND! HOW DARE YOU PLAY YOUR LOW BROW HICK SONGS AT MY EVENT! I’M A STAR! YOU’RE A NOBODY!”…
…Streisand isn’t impressed and demands an apology from the Black Swamp Pirates. Junior refuses. Streisand again loudly demands an apology. Junior again refuses. Streisand screeches at him. Junior flips her off. Streisand: “THAT’S IT!” Suddenly, Arianna Huffington, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters) run in and attack the Black Swamp Pirates. Suave: “OH, COME ON!” Daily Kos, Krugman, Alterman, and Media Matters stomp away at the five members of the band. Suave: “THAT’S ENOUGH! WAIT! HERE COMES AVERAGE JOE AND THE AMERICAN TRUCKER!”
‘The Real Joe Six-Pack’ Average Joe and American Trucker wade in but they, too, get overwhelmed by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers. They’re beaten down. Olbermann tells the Pirates, Average Joe, and American Trucker that they’re the ‘WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!” The crowd boos.
Male voice: “Olbermann, you definitely need to take your medication.” The crowd cheers. Suave: “IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS!” Olbermann dares Dobbs to come down. Dobbs replies that Olbermann would like that seeing as he has the numbers advantage. Dobbs: “I have something else in mind.”*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*The crowd rises and cheers again. Suave: “YES! YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” Crowd: “What the !@#@, what the @#$#”Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down and grabs Daily Kos. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Krugman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Alterman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Media Matters. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Arianna runs for the hills leaving Olbermann. He tries to beg off but…grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Suave: “WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT CLEANS HOUSE!” Dobbs holds up Average Joe and American Truckers arms.
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/14/08
KEITH OLBERMANN’S SPECIAL, SPECIAL COMMENT TO PCW
Suave: “And now, here’s Keith Olbermann’s special, special comment.” Olbermann: “F*** YOU!” The crowd boos. Suave: “Well. That was a little harsh, don’t you think?” Olbermann begins to go off on the PCW Arena crowd-*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down, grabs Olbermann by the throat, lift, chokeslam. PCW Arena Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/21/08
PCW CEO GEORGE W’S SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
…MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann comes out and doesn’t look happy. Olbermann: “George W. You are the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!” George W.: “What the hell did I do?” Olbermann: “Two weeks in a row, that maniac Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has viciously chokeslammed me and you’ve done nothing to stop it.” Man’s voice: “Oh, poor baby!” Suave: “IT’S FOX NEWS’ BILL O’REILLY!” O’Reilly: “Olbermann, you are such a typical liberal whiner. You can dish it out but you sure can’t take it.” Olbermann begins to respond but he’s interrupted by another visitor. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! NOW CNN’S LOU DOBBS IS OUT HERE!” Dobbs: “Let’s be clear here. You’re both completely full of s***. Jobs are going overseas. The economy is-” *THUMP* Man in suit: “CLEAR!” *ZZZZAP* Dobbs: “As I was saying, the economy is tanking. The housing market is a shambles. People are losing their jobs, their houses, and the best you two both can do is hurl fourth grade insults at each other?” George W. steps in. George W: “Since I’m still in charge here, I’ll settle this issue once and for all. You three will meet in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in a mixed tag three-way dance.” W adds that he will make sure the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot leaves Olbermann alone…at least until Extreme Election Night.
From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008 -11/4/08
MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN and RACHEL MADDOW (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY of Fox News and ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. CNN’S LOU DOBBS and CAMPBELL BROWN (Independent)
The bell sounds. Immediately, Olbermann races across the ring and goes after O’Reilly. Coulter and Maddow hook up in the middle. Dobbs and Brown just hang out in their corner. O’Reilly throws Olbermann over the top rope to the floor. Olbermann gets right back up and pulls O’Reilly’s legs out from under him. He pulls him out of the ring and they start going at it. Olbermann rams O’Reilly’s head into the railing. Clothesline. O’Reilly falls backward over the guardrail into the crowd. Olbermann climbs up the guardrail and lands a flying elbow on O’Reilly. Olbermann is handed a steel folding chair. *WHAP* Olbermann winds up again. *WHAP* O’Reilly kicks the chair into his face. Now O’Reilly with a chair. *WHAP* Olbermann spins like a slow moving top. Chair on the ground. Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! OLBERMANN’S BUSTED WIDE OPEN.” O’Reilly drags Olbermann up to the edge of the stage and heaves him over the edge, five feet below to the wooden floor…
…Suave: “Okay, if Dobbs and Brown are still in the ring, what happened to Coulter and Maddow…what…we’ve got a portable camera following them. Where? Oh…the bathroom. Might have guessed.” Maddow goes for the Irish whip. Coulter reverses and slingshots Maddow into the bathroom door. Maddow staggers back. Coulter atomic drops her. Coulter puts her hand under the soap dispenser. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOAP IN THE EYES! SOAP IN THE EYES! MADDOW CAN’T SEE!” Maddow tries to find the sink to wash her eyes out. Coulter takes her by the hair and heaves her at the bathroom door again. Trash can shot. Maddow’s bleeding now…
…Olbermann slams O’Reilly into the steps leading up to the second floor. O’Reilly had just set up two tables just below the edge of the second floor. O’Reilly kicks Olbermann in the chest and sends him flying. O’Reilly with an empty beer bottle. Swings…misses. Olbermann low blows O’Reilly and swats the beer bottle away. Olbermann jumps on O’Reilly’s back and deliberately tries to choke him out…
…Maddow in control in the women’s room. She goes to the soap dispenser and covers her hand in soap. Then she sticks it in Coulter’s mouth. Coulter gags and desperately tries to remove Maddow’s hand from her mouth. Finally, she bites down hard on the hand and Maddow yelps. Coulter reaches the sink and tries to wash out the soap taste. Maddow grabs her arm and whips her into a stall. She charges to follow up. Coulter kicks the stall door shut on Maddow’s face. Maddow pulls herself up and tries again. Same result. This time, Maddow grabs the trash can and heaves it over the wall into the stall. Then she charges in and flails away at Coulter. Maddow grabs Coulter by the hair and slams her face into the wall. Then the other wall. She takes the porcelain cover off the commode and plasters it over Coulter’s head. Coulter’s eyes roll up into her head and she slides to the bathroom floor…
…O’Reilly backs up to the railing overlooking the first floor. Left by O’Reilly misses. Right by Olbermann. Kick by Olbermann. Right by Olbermann. Olbermann then backs up a few steps. Suave: “Oh, no. This can’t end good.”
Olbermann runs towards O’Reilly. Clothesline. O’Reilly up and over the railing but he grabs Olbermann’s arm and pulls him with him. Both men fall twenty feet down through the two tables set up below. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “HOLY S***!…HOLY S***!” Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! OLBERMAN AND O’REILLY JUST FELL TWENTY-FIVE FOOT THROUGH TWO TABLES!” Crowd: “THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…THIS IS AWESOME! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)” O’Reilly and Olbermann aren’t moving in the wreckage of the two tables. The referee immediately calls for Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean up Crew.
Maddow staggers out on the floor. Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!” Suave: “MADDOW’S BACK OUT…AND SHE’S A MESS.” Maddow somehow makes it back to the ring and crawls back in. Crowd: “SHE’S HARDCORE!…SHE’S HARDCORE!” She stands back up…and falls right back down. Dobbs looks at Brown. Brown walks over. Roll up. 1…2…3.
THE AL FRANKEN-NORM COLEMAN FEUD
Totally unexpected. But the Franken/Coleman battles dominated the last two months of the year.
From PCW Extreme Political TV- Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots) -10/7/08
The crowd chants ‘PCW.’ Rights to Coleman. Cross face shots. Body kick by Coleman and back to the wristlock. Coleman adjusts to a hammerlock and works the other arm. Franken rolled into a pinning position for 2. Again, Obama breaks the count. Franken to his feet into a shoulder block by Coleman. Suplex try by Coleman countered by Franken. Coleman thrown out of the ring. Franken to the apron. Flying elbow drop from the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Arianna Huffington sets a table up and Obama puts Coleman on it. McCain runs around the ring. Arianna latches on to him and holds on for dear life. Franken to the top. Sarah Palin hits the ring again with her hockey stick and whacks Franken in the back. Franken falls and hits hard on the floor. Joe Biden now to the ring. Obama and McCain get into it. Biden climbs up to the top rope. Palin starts towards him but Arianna gets in between her and Biden. Biden leaps and puts Coleman through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Biden rolls Coleman back into the ring. Then he rolls Franken back into the ring. Arianna and Palin rolls around on the ring canvas. Suave: “CAT-FIGHT! CAT-FIGHT!” Franken crawls over and covers Coleman. 1…2…3.
From PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008 -11/4/08
Minnesota Street Brawl AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. DEAN BARKLEY (Independent)
…Barkley starts the match with a back elbow smash to Franken. Then hard right hands to Coleman’s face. Coleman back into the corner. Barkley blatantly chokes him. Franken clobbers Barkley from behind. Coleman wisely ducks out to the outside to catch his breath. Franken throws Barkley out of the ring and then Coleman slams him into the ringpost. Coleman stomps and kicks Barkley. Barkley gouges him in the eyes. Franken, now out of the ring, throws Coleman into the ring steps and then clotheslines him over the steel barricade into the crowd…
…Coleman reverses a whip then hits a pumphandle slam. Barkley hits a low, low blow on Franken. Franken somehow gets back up and thumbs Barkley in the eye. Coleman rams Franken shoulder-first into the corner ring post. Coleman rolls up Barkley from behind and hooks the tights. 1…2…3. …
…Franken nails Coleman with a road sign. He next pulls out a cheese grater and rubs it across Coleman’s forehead. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! COLEMAN IS BADLY BUSTED OPEN!” Franken pulls a ladder from underneath the ring and clocks Coleman with it. Franken grabs a garbage can and drop toe holds Coleman onto it. Cover. Two count. Coleman staggers back up and Franken knocks him right back out with a steel chair. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken puts Coleman on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Franken leaps off the turnbuckle and crushes Coleman on the metal ladder. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken covers. 1…2…3.
Afterwards…in the parking lot
Al Franken opens up his car door. He starts to get into his car when Norm Coleman slams the door shut on Franken’s left leg. Coleman opens the car door and pulls Franken out. Franken to the ground. Coleman kicks at Franken’s left leg. He kneels down and starts swinging away. Coleman drags Franken up and whips him headfirst into the driver’s side window. Franken staggers back and his left leg gives out. Coleman again pulls him back up and whips him headfirst into the window. Franken slides down the side of the car. Coleman then opens the door and rams it into Franken’s head. Franken is dragged back into his car with his left leg hanging out again. Coleman slams the car door repeatedly against Franken’s leg.
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -11/25/08
NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)
Franken is fired up. Coleman sidesteps the initial charge and wastes no time attacking Franken’s bad leg. Suave: “Coleman with kicks to Franken and drives him down to one knee…LOW BLOW BY FRANKEN!” Franken does it a second time. Coleman’s turns white and tips over onto the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Franken flails on him. He pulls Coleman up by the hair and throws him through the ropes outside. Coleman topples out of the ring and onto the floor…
…Franken again chokes out Coleman. Suave: “Coleman’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can he…say, what is Mark Ritchie doing over there with that rope?” Ritchie throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. Franken drives Coleman towards Ritchie. Franken gets another chair. *CLANG* Coleman staggers. Franken pushes him down at Ritchie’s feet. Ritchie loops the rope around Coleman’s feet. He pulls the rope on the other side and Coleman goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.” Franken gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Coleman with it. Suave: “COLEMAN’S STRUNG UP LIKE A HUMAN PINATA AND FRANKEN’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. COLEMAN’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…AND HERE COMES TIM PAWLENTY!” Pawlenty runs down and swipes the chair from Franken. *CLANG* Franken staggers backwards. Mark Ritchie makes a run at Pawlenty. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. Franken gets up and charges again. *CLANG* Franken pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “TIM PAWLENTY CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN COLEMAN AND I DON’T THINK COLEMAN KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!”…
…Coleman gets up. Franken hits a missile drop kick from the top rope sending him right back down. Franken snapmares him into the corner. Huge knee strike. Franken again up top, double axehandle to Coleman. Coleman throws wild punches that miss by several miles. Clothesline by Franken. He covers. 1…2..no, two count. Franken stomps him repeatedly. Franken picks someone up the top turnbuckle. Superplex from the top rope. Cover 1…2…NO! Coleman’s foot is on the ropes. Franken getting a little frustrated. He yanks Coleman back in the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle. Swanton splash by Franken! ONE… TWO…NO! Suave: “I thought Franken got him. But Coleman kicks out just in time.” Franken sets up for the Piledriver, but Coleman rolls through! Franken takes Coleman up top. Coleman fights off Franken. Half Nelson Suplex by Franken! Another cover. 1…2…again, Coleman kicks out. Franken slams his fist into the canvas. Small package by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN ROLLS HIM UP. 1…2…3-NO! COLEMAN ROLLED HIM OVER! 1…2…3! HE’S DONE IT!”…
…Franken stands in middle of the ring in complete disbelief. Suave: “FRANKEN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HE HAD HIM!” Franken stands in the ring with his arms outstretched. Suave: “HE COMPLETELY HAD HIM! FRANKEN HAD HIM PINNED BUT SOMEHOW, COLEMAN ROLLED FRANKEN OVER AND HE GETS THE WIN!” Franken looks over at Coleman. Coleman’s celebrating. An enraged Franken hits Coleman from behind and then throws him head first into the corner turnbuckle. He picks up the chair and jams it into the back of Coleman’s left knee. Coleman falls backward to the canvas. Suave: “FRANKEN’S SNAPPED! HE’S PISSED AND NOW SLAMMING THAT STEEL CHAIR INTO COLEMAN’S KNEE!” Three shots in a row. Tim Pawlenty hits the ring to stop him. Franken blasts him with the chair and sends Pawlenty flying across the ring. Franken throws the chair down and puts Coleman’s leg through it. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? FRANKEN CLIMBING TO THE TURNBUCKLE!” Franken jumps onto the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN’S TRYING TO SNAP HIS LEG LIKE A TWIG!” Coleman grabs his knee and violently writhes in pain. Franken grabs the leg and spins. Coleman: AGGGGGHHHH! Suave: “FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE FOUR!” Coleman slams the mat with his hands. Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO CRIPPLE COLEMAN…HERE COMES THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter hit the ring. Franken drops the hold and slides out of the ring. Suave: “TOO LATE, THOUGH. THE DAMAGE MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN DONE!”…
Finally, Coleman and Franken would settle everything with a Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch at PCW Completely Deranged in Minneapolis, Minnesota…or would they?
From PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED -12/18/08
STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots)
Suave: “HERE WE GO! FRANKEN GOES RIGHT AFTER COLEMAN’S BAD LEG.” Kicks by Franken to the injured left knee. Coleman tries to get out of the ring but Franken yanks him back in. More kicks to the knee. Russian leg sweep by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN IS NOT MESSING AROUND! HE’S GOING TO INCAPACITATE COLEMAN! BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Lamb: “Johnny, that’s pretty violent. Is this the norm for PCW events?” Suave: “Well…yes….HERE WE GO! FRANKEN’S GOT A CHAIR..” *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” *CLANG* Coleman stumbles back and falls through the ropes to the outside right back the announcer’s table. Lamb: “My God. He’s hurt. Should we help him?” Suave: “That’s probably not advisable, Brian…BECAUSE FRANKEN’S CLIMBED THE TOP ROPE….HE BRINGS THE HEAVY ELBOW DOWN ON COLEMAN!” Franken pulls Coleman up and slams him hard into the steel cage…
…Now it’s Franken in trouble. Coleman inexplicably ignores the ladder and climbs the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “MISSILE DROPKICK FROM THE TOP ROPE SENDS FRANKEN RIGHT BACK INTO THE STEEL CAGE!” Coleman checks under the ring for something. He has it and goes right to Franken. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! AND FRANKEN IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN! THE MOMENTUM HAS CHANGED HANDS!” Coleman pulls out a second ladder from underneath the ring. He immediately jams it in Franken’s gut. Coleman whirls it around and connects again. Lamb: “Now, are all these weapons legal?” Suave: “Um…yes…*BONK* …SKILLET! SKILLET!” Coleman comes over to the announcer’s table and motions Lamb out of his chair. Lamb stands. Lamb: “What am I supposed to sit on?” Suave: “Here. Take mine.” Coleman takes Lamb’s chair and *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “COLEMAN JUST DRILLED FRANKEN WITH TWO CHAIR SHOTS IN A ROW.”…
…Franken crawls back into the ring. Suave: “Franken can’t even stand up.” Coleman also crawls back to the ring. Franken reaches the ladder. Coleman crawls into the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going up. But Coleman is right behind him.” Franken’s about two rungs ahead of Coleman as both climb up opposite sides of the ladder. Franken reaches the top rung first. Coleman’s close enough to where he can start swinging at Franken. Both men try to push each other off the ladder. Franken stands and grabs for the briefcase. Coleman stands and he tries to reach the briefcase. Both latch on to the briefcase at the same time. The ladder suddenly becomes unbalanced. Both Franken and Coleman try to push the other off. Both grab at the briefcase. Lamb: “Isn’t it dangerous for two men to climb up a ladder to try to grab an object suspended in the air?” Suave: “Yes. That’s why you don’t see many ladder- HOLY CRAP! THE LADDER’S FALLING…RIGHT FOR US! BRIAN GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Lamb: “Huh? What?”
Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…“HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “Am I on…hello…okay…THE LADDER TIPPED OVER. FRANKEN AND COLEMAN FOUGHT FOR POSSESSION OF THE BRIEFCASE AS THE LADDER FELL. THE BAD NEWS- THEY JUST DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE. THE GOOD NEWS- SOMETHING SOFT BROKE THEIR FALL. THE BAD NEWS- BRIAN LAMB OF P-SPAN WAS THE SOFT THING THAT BROKE THEIR FALL. I DIDN’T SEE WHO HAD WHAT. THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SORT THIS OUT. THE CROWD IS GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!…HUH?…OH…OKAY…THE REFEREE IS GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER…LET’S GO TO THE RING.” Referee: “Okay. This is what I saw. Norm Coleman had possession-” The crowd explodes. Pro-Coleman and Franken chants erupt. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS BEEN DECLARED THE WINNER! THE REFEREE SAW THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AND CALLED HIM THE WINNER! FRANKEN IS PISSED…
The controversial ending prompted this extraordinary joint statement by PCW CEO George W and PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama on 12/20/08:
“As everyone is aware, a huge controversy has erupted over the end of the Norm Coleman/Al Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch. Norm Coleman was declared the winner after the ladder that both he and Al Franken were on toppled over with both men fighting for the briefcase. At that time, the referee determined that Coleman and Franken simultaneously grabbed the suitcase which meant that whomever had control of the suitcase when they hit the ground would win the match. When the referee went over to the announcer’s table, he saw that Coleman had clear possession of the briefcase and called it accordingly.However, Al Franken strenuously contends that he had possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground and that Coleman took it away from him just as the referee arrived on scene. We have no way to confirm this because both P-SPAN camera covering the event were on the other side of the ring. When the ladder went down, it went down going away from the camera which meant that there was a time period where both wrestlers disappeared from view.As of right now, the call made on the scene stands. However, PCW will investigate Mr. Franken’s claims and try to locate any evidence that might indicate that he in fact did have possession of the briefcase when they hit the ground. If we can find such evidence, we will overturn the decision made by the referee and award the match to Mr. Franken. We hope to have some type of decision made as early as Tuesday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV.”
The decision came down on PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV 12/23/08
W: “As I was saying, we’ve made a decision about the Al Franken/Norm Coleman controversy last Thursday. As you already know, the referee made the call Thursday night that because he saw Norm Coleman with possession of the briefcase, he was awarded the match. However, certain evidence has come to light. Barack? Obama: “Thank you, W. Chris Stellar from the Minnesota Independent came forward with his cell phone camera that recorded what happened as the ladder fell with both Coleman and Franken on it.
CELL PHONE CAMERA ACCOUNT
Coleman and Franken battle. They both grab the suitcase. The ladder becomes unstable and starts to fall. Both men wrestle in the air for possession of the briefcase. The ladder falls directly towards PCW Announcer Johnny Suave’s table. Suave and guest color analyst Brian Lamb from P-SPAN see the ladder falling. Suave dives out of the way. Lamb attempts to cushion the fall. The ladder stops at the ropes and both Coleman and Franken go through the table. Franken clearly has possession of the briefcase. The referee slides out of the ring. Coleman snatches the briefcase away…Obama: “So, as you can see. We have indisputable proof that Al Franken had possession of the briefcase when both men hit the floor. George W. and I have conferred and we both agree that the only fair thing to do is to award the match to Al Franken
Coleman took the decision well…
Coleman attacks Franken. Suave: “HERE WE GO AGAIN!” Both W and Obama clear the ring. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS GONE BERSERK! HE IS PUMMELING FRANKEN…WAIT! HERE COMES THE PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR- SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT- DAWN McGILL!” McGill and her Singapore cane climb into the ring. She drags Coleman away from Franken. Coleman fights it. McGill Russian Leg Sweeps Coleman with the cane and he falls backwards. Suave: “McGILL TRYING TO BREAK THIS UP. SHE TELLS COLEMAN TO GET OUT OF THE RING. FRANKEN TAUNTS COLEMAN! COLEMAN SNAPS RIGHT UP. McGILL AGAIN PULLS COLEMAN AWAY! FRANKEN CONTINUES TO TAUNT COLEMAN! COLEMAN PUSHES FRANKEN! FRANKEN SLAPS…OHHHH, NO. COLEMAN DUCKS AND FRANKEN SLAPS DAWN McGILL!” McGill’s eyes blaze with fury. She immediately heaves Coleman head first out of the ring. Then she starts slowly towards Franken. Suave: “Al, you just made one of the biggest mistakes ever in your life…and yes, that includes Stuart Smalley- the movie. This gal has sterilized more men with her four inch stilettos than most doctors do in a career.” Backpedeling, Franken tries to apologize. *THWACK* Apparently, it’s not accepted. *THWACK* Franken spins and falls to the canvas.
THE RISE OF DOMINATION, INCORPORATED
From PCW Newsline -11/20
Let’s go back to the end of PCW Extreme Election Night 2008…
Obama and McCain shake hands and then Obama takes the mic. Obama: “Bubba Jackson. I humbly accept the position of CEO of Political Championship Wrestling.” The crowd stands and cheers. Obama: “We have a lot of work to do to improve PCW and I plan to hit the ground running on January 20th to..OOOOF.” Suave: “QUADRUPLE R…QUADRUPLE R JUST ATTACKED BARACK OBAMA!” Big Oil runs in and chokeslams Starz N. Stripes. Suave: “IT’S THE McMANN CORPORATION! KIRK WALSTREIT AND ROUGH JUSTICE CLEAR THE RING. QUADRUPLE R HAS A CHAIR! *CLANG*” O’Beck Bahama falls to the canvas. Chairshot. Chairshot. Chairshot. Suave: “SOMEONE STOP HIM!” Big Oil chokeslams Starz N. Stripes a second time.
*Def Leppard’s Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*
Suave: “YES! HELP IS ON THE WAY!” The Extreme Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot again runs down to the ring. He climbs in and gets in Quadruple R’s grill. Then WTF turns and power bombs O’Beck Bahama. Suave: “WHAT? I…I…I’M SPEECHLESS!” WTF powerbombs Bahama a second time. Then he spots the PCW Owner Bubba Jackson. Suave: “Oh…my…God. No…no…” Bubba tries to back up but WTF grabs him by the throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The Hack’s crowd boos echo throughout the bar.‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann takes the mic. Mr. McMann: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to announce that the McMann Corporation has undergone a name change. From this date forward, you can call us……DOMINATION, INCORPORATED!” More boos. Mr. McMann: “Our Mission Statement is pretty simple and to the point: ‘Domination Inc. will facilitate the complete and total takeover of Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means.” Louder boos now. Mr. McMann: “We’ve got two of the belts now. O’Beck Bahama- enjoy yours while you can. Now that we have our new Corporate Enforcer on board- Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we’re coming after the title and there’s nothing you or Barack Obama or anyone else here can do to stop up. Once we secure the PCW Title belt, we will rule PCW.”
This isn’t the first time ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann has tried to take over PCW. Back when PCW was BCEW, Johnny Suave had this to say in March 2007 before the BCEW vs. EECW pay per view:
Suave recaps how we got here. Seg McMann’s first appearance in BCEW. His infatuation with BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin that started at BCEW Lock and Load. The inglorious “Seg McMann Kiss My Ass’s Ass Club” debacle at the BCEW Christmas Extravaganza. The shocking betrayal at the 1/17 edition of BCEW Extreme Political TV that saw BCEW lose it’s cable show to Seg McMann and Extremely Extreme Corporate Wrasslin, the stunning attack on BCEW champion, Justin Sufferable, and former champ, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido- the twin towers of BCEW, and the revelation at BCEW At War- part one that both Sufferable and Escondido would be out for a year due to severe knee injuries.
Suave: “On BCEW At War- Part 2, Seg McMann appeared to lay down a challenge to BCEW.”
REPLAY FROM BCEW AT WAR- PART TWO
Seg McMann’s face again appears on the big screen TV while the brawl moves towards the back. McMann calls out George W and says it’s time to choose.George W’s mariachi band appears and leads the BCEW CEO down the aisle. Suave: “He’s coming out to answer the challenge of the so-called sports entertainment genius, Seg McMann!” W climbs into the ring followed by Dick and the Mastermind Karl Rove. Rove points to his temple to remind us all that he’s a frickin’ genius. W takes the mic. George W: “Seg. I have just three words for you. BRING IT ON!”
And then, the end of BCEW vs. EECW…
THE END OF BCEW VS. EECW
Triple R taunts Starz and doesn’t see two people hobble into the ring behind him. Suave: “YES! IT’S JUSTIN SUFFERABLE AND ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO!” Triple R turns just in time to see Sufferable clock him in the head with his crutch, knocking the jumper cables out of his hand. The crowd chants ‘welcome back!…welcome back!” Lashaway gets up and tries to get to the cables before A-Bomb but Escondido hops over and grabs the jumpers before Lashaway can. He zaps Lashaway- he’s out. Both Starz and Lashaway are unconscious. The ref is too. Sufferable and Escondido celebrate in the ring. George W and Seg look at each other quizzically. The people in the ring look totally confused.
Suave: “THAT FREAKIN’ JUDAS, TRIPLE R, BETRAYS BCEW! WHO WON TONIGHT? WHO THE HELL KNOWS! IT’S ALL A FREAKIN’ MESS!”
McMann came close in 2007 to taking over BCEW. After being away for a year, McMann made his surprise return May 19th, 2008 on PCW Extreme Political TV.
5/19/08 PCW Extreme Political TV- Mr. McMann returns…
Mr. McMann attempts to apologize for everything that led up to the BCEW-EECW war in March, 2007 and asks for a second chance to show his ‘genius.’ W thinks about it. Then he tells Mr. McMann he’ll allow him to come back if he can win a special match against an opponent of his choosing. Mr. McMann accepts.Mr. McMann stands in the ring waiting for his opponent. PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth announces that his opponent will be…PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin! The crowd cheers as Tessa comes to the ring with her specially retrofitted oversized pizza box. Her 3 Amiga compadres Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila accompany her.
MATCH #2 “Sports Entertainment Genius” MR. McMANN vs. “PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila
Mr. McMann smiles at Tessa. Tessa’s glare could bore through steel. McMann: “Hey. You’re not still upset about the fact that I stalked you and later had you hypnotized on the old BCEW Cable show to make you do a striptease, are you?” She raises her eyebrows at him. McMann: “I’m just here to let bygones be bygones. Let’s just shake hands and start all over, okay?” Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. Suave: “Nope. Guess not.” She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.
Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”
After that auspicious start, Mr. McMann began to put together his new project- the McMann Corporation. First- Quadruple R and Kathryn Randall Collins. But things still weren’t going their way. On October 7th, McMann announced the acquisition of Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit. On the 14th, Daisy Cutter-Bomb of the 3 Amigas turned on her teammate ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and joined McMann’s Corporation.
10/14-PCW Extreme Political TV: #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!” Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all.
The moves paid off immediately on the October 21st PCW Extreme Political TV.
10/21-PCW Extreme Political TV: #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
Suave: “Here we go. This one should be a doozy. The winner gets a shot at the PCW Tag Team belts in two weeks.” Suave also notes that it’s weird to see Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the opposite corner of her brothers A-Bomb, H-Bomb, and N-Bomb. The bell rings. A-Bomb and Big Oil lock up. Suave: “Hold on! Quadruple R in the ring…*WHAP* HOLY CRAP! That was a sickening chairshot on A-Bomb. H-Bomb’s in the ring…Ruff and Justice are in the ring. Newt Tron Bomb is in the ring. IT’S CHAOS!” Big Oil plants A-Bomb with an Oklahoma Driller. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! And now, Ruff has a taser…HE JUST TASERED H-BOMB! DAWN McGILL IS LYING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE THE RING. SHE’S BEEN ASSAULTED BY DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! WALSTREIT GIVES H-BOMB THE STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! THIS IS CARNAGE!”Big Oil drags A-Bomb up and Daisy climbs into the ring with a Singapore cane. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! DAISY’S NOT GOING TO…NOT TO HER OWN BROTHER…*THWACK* CANE SHOT! CANE SHOT! A-BOMB IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY!” Big Oil throws A-Bomb down and gets the easy cover. 1…2…3.
At PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, the McMann Corporation struck pay dirt…twice…
Ending of PCW Tag Team Title Match JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance)vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex and KIRK WALSTREIT- the Man with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Walstreit w/the McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation)
In the ring, chokeslam by Big Oil on Jack Schett. Bull Schett powerbombs Kirk Walstreit. Big Oil and Bull then go at it. Suave: “QUADRUPLE R’S IN THE RING. HE’S GOT A CHAIR *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! HE BENT THAT CHAIR ON BULL SCHETT’S SKULL!” Bull down. Ruff throws Big Oil one of the Schett’s bricks. Jack is back up and stumbling around the ring. Suave: “OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! *WHAP* HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil breaks the brick over Jack Schett’s head. The brick explodes on impact and Jack’s out. Big Oil covers. 1…2…3. Suave: “WE’VE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”
Ending of PCW Women’s Title Match KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka KRC w/The McMann Corporation (McMann Corporation)vs. ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom)
KRC staggers backwards. Atomic drop by Opal. Body slam. Leg drop. Opal launches herself backwards into the ropes. Daisy jumps on the ring apron and throws Opal a chair. *WHAP* Suave: “VAN DAMINATOR! VAN DAMINATOR! KRC JUST KICKED THAT CHAIR INTO OPAL’S FACE! Opal’s in trouble!” Barack Obama is on the ring apron and shouting encouragement to a woozy Winfree. Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB ON OPAL WINFREE! KRC FOR THE COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS!” James Carville and Paul Begala hit the ring and double team clotheslines Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Big Oil climbs into the ring and grabs Begala from behind. Suave: “Oh, oh. This isn’t good for Paul Begala.” Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Begala bounces off the canvas. Carville tries to get out while the getting’s good. Big Oil drags him back in. Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Daisy lifts Opal up again for another Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. Obama jumps in the ring and tries to stop her. Quadruple R grabs Obama and whips him into the corner. Daisy up and wham! Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb. KRC calls for a table. Kirk Walstreit slides it in and KRC sets it up. Daisy drags Opal up one more time. Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!” Opal up. Daisy Cutter Power-Bomb through the table. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” KRC calls for another table. Suave: “WHAT? JUST PIN HER ALREADY!” Again, Walstreit slides in a table. KRC sets up on the top rope corner turnbuckle. Daisy drags Opal over to her and sets her up. Suave: “OPAL’S SET. HERE COMES SOCCER MOM. DAISY GRABS HER! DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB! DDT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Crowd: “THIS MATCH RULES! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) THIS MATCH RULES (clap clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST OBLITERATED SOCCER MOM WITH A DAISY CUTTER POWER-BOMB. THEN KRC DDT’S OPAL FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH THE TABLE! KRC COVERS… ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT! WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”
Now, McMann has his sights on the PCW title.
Mr. McMann: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to announce that the McMann Corporation has undergone a name change. From this date forward, you can call us……DOMINATION, INCORPORATED!” More boos. Mr. McMann: “Our Mission Statement is pretty simple and to the point: ‘Domination Inc. will facilitate the complete and total takeover of Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means.” Louder boos now. Mr. McMann: “We’ve got two of the belts now. O’Beck Bahama- enjoy yours while you can. Now that we have our new Corporate Enforcer on board- Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we’re coming after the title and there’s nothing you or Barack Obama or anyone else here can do to stop up. Once we secure the PCW Title belt, we will rule PCW.”
AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, SARAH PALIN IN HANDCUFFS
From PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV -10/21/08
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin walks down the hallway towards the ring dressed in a short black dress with thigh high black boots. Alec Baldwin pops out of a side room and surprises her. Alec: “Sarah. Long time no see.” Sarah: “Alec? What are you doing here?” Alec: “I just wanted to say that you were great on Saturday Night Live the other night.” Sarah: “Thanks. I have a great time.” Alec: “And I’ve got to say again, you are so much hotter in person.” Sarah: “Thanks again, Alec. I need to go to the ring for the-” Alec: “Look, can I talk to you for a sec.” Sarah: “Well…I really need to get the ring.” Alec: “It won’t take that long, I promise.” Sarah: “Oh…all right, I guess.” Sarah and Alec go into the room. The door slams and there’s a commotion inside.
PREVIEW OF NEW HAMPSHIRE INTERGENDER MATCH: JOHN SUNUNU w/John McCain and Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs. JEANNE SHAHEEN w/Barack Obama and Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)
…Sarah Palin is late coming out. She joins McCain in Sununu’s corner. The bell rings. Clothesline by Sununu. Shaheen gets back up and Sununu clotheslines her again. He covers but Shaheen slips out at 2. Snap mare to Shaheen. Sununu whips her to the corner. He charges but Shaheen sidesteps him and he hits the corner…
…Shaheen tries a handspring elbow but Sununu catches her in mid flight and puts her in a full nelson. To the corner, Sununu tells Palin to nail Shaheen with the hockey stick. Palin winds up and she swings. *THWACK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OUT JOHN SUNUNU!” Sununu crumples to the mat. Shaheen covers. 1…2…3. …
Suave: “UNBELIEVABLE! SARAH PALIN HIT SUNUNU WITH A HOCKEY STICK AND COST HIM THE MATCH! JOHN McCAIN IS LIVID!” McCain shoots daggers towards Palin. Sarah: “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” McCain takes her by the hand and storms away. Palin turns around at Suave and winks. Suave: “Wait a minute. There’s something going on here.”
Inside a closet is the real Sarah Palin…
Suave: “I knew it! That wasn’t the real Sarah Palin. That was Tina Fey!”
UPCOMING SCHEDULE OF EVENTS:
Tomorrow- PCW’s Best Ten Matches of 2008
1/8- PCW Newsline
1/12- PCW Newsline
1/13- PCW Extreme Political TV returns
1/15- PCW Newsline
1/19- PCW Newsline
1/20- PCW Night of Champions/Barack Obama Officially Installed as PCW CEO
PREVIOUS SHOWS AND NEWSLINES:
12/26 PCW Newsline: Merry Christmas, The ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave and his lifesize, cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin
12/23 PCW Extreme Political TV Christmas- Hour Two: Rod Blagojevich is F****** Golden…Not, Rematch of PCW Title Match from PCW Extreme Election Night 2008
12/23 PCW Extreme Political TV Christmas- Hour One: Coleman/Franken Decision, Emily List, Rick Warren Appears
12/20 PCW Newsline- Joint Statement by PCW CEO George W. and PCW CEO-Designate Barack Obama re: Coleman/Franken Controversy
12/18 PCW Completely Deranged- Coleman/Franken Ends with Huge Controversy
12/16 PCW Extreme Political TV- Obama Names PCW Security Director, Caroline Kennedy? In PCW?, the Return of Jack and Bull Schett
12/15 PCW Newsline- 12/16 PCW Extreme Political TV Preview, 12/18 PCW Completely Deranged- Coleman vs. Franken III Preview
12/11 PCW Newsline- PCW Completely Deranged One Week Away, Domination Inc. Demands #1 Contender Match Be Thrown Out, Johnny Suave and Big Oil Have Altercation
12/8 PCW Newsline- 12/18 PCW Completely Deranged from Minnesota to be on P-SPAN, PCW Rocks Alaska, Joe Sixpacks, Dr. Bill Fractures His Other Ankle
12/7 PCW Roadshow Across America in Juneau, Alaska: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defends the TV title, Emily List vs The Eskimo Queen w/Sarah Palin, Starz N. Stripes vs. Quadruple R for the #1 contender’s spot
12/4 PCW Newsline-Breaking News: Coleman v. Franken Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch set for 12/18, PCW-12/7 in Alaska, Saxby Chambliss (American Patriots) vs. Jim Martin (Progressive Alliance)
12/1 PCW Newsline- Domination Inc. Press Release, Profile- ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
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