This book is a lot funnier than 2016 Obama’s America…

…and it features PCW.

That’s right, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a lot funnier than the 2016 Obama‘s America movie that’s now out…and it puts the blame squarely where it belongs- our dysfunctional political culture. And did I mention it’s funny?

That’s right, from the cover showing Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann attempting to throttle each to the opening salvo delivered in Charlie Ray Carlson’s Greatest Hit, “Shut Up and Drink My Beer”:

“I’m sitting at a bar stool
They’ve got the TV on
It’s one of those political pundit shows
Who says the other side is wrong
I ask the bartender to change it now
And I make it very clear
I didn’t come in to hear political noise
I came in  to drink some beer

“They say the coverage on Fox News is slightly skewed
And MSNBC may have a particular point of view
As for CNN, let me make this crystal clear
I wish they’d all shut up…
And let me drink my beer.
I know y’all claim to be- impartial and fair
Y’all just need to shut up
And let me drink my beer….

‎”I already know how bad things are
Because I live it every day
We know the economy’s bad- and jobs are few
And we all have bills to pay
The government prints the money they need
While the rest of us are in arrears
Staying afloat in an ocean of debt
And not enough cash to buy a beer

“They say the coverage on Fox News is slightly skewed
And MSNBC may have a particular point of view
As for CNN, let me make this crystal clear
I wish they’d all shut up…
And let me drink my beer.
I know y’all claim to be- impartial and fair
Y’all just need to shut up
And let me drink my beer
Yee-haw.

“Both parties- they’re all the same
They point fingers at each other to blame
For the way things are what they are
I can barely afford to drive my car
Raise a glass for the common man
Who’s only doing the best he can
Raise a middle finger if you’re pissed
And tell the politicians to occupy this

“They say the coverage on Fox News is slightly skewed
And MSNBC may have a particular point of view
As for CNN, let me make this crystal clear
I wish they’d all shut up…
And let me drink my beer.
I know y’all claim to be- impartial and fair
Y’all just need to shut up
And let me drink my beer
Can’t I sit here in peace and
Just drink my beer.

..the book harpoons the dysfunctional mess that American politics have become.

The year is 2017. Former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush convene the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again in a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart. But when a multi-national mega-corporation attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the summit. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions. Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, the book not only harpoons the dysfunction in American politics but also pokes fun at various cultural icons ranging from Harry Potter to Les Miserables, Stars Wars to Armageddon to even the Twilight films, and big corporations and country music to name a few.

Amazon.com
Kindle-Amazon.com
Barnes and Noble
Books a Million

Up to Date PCW Rankings- Road to November’s Extreme Election Night Starts Next Week

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: The Sanderman (D)
PCW BLUE CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW RED CHAMPION: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Miss USA
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Valora Salinas

#1 SINGLES CONTENDER:
- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER:
- Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

#1 WOMEN’S CONTENDER:
- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Next week:
PCW Extreme Political TV
Bishop Rosecrans High School Gym
Zanesville, OH
Monday June 18th, 2012

The final road towards November’s PCW Extreme Election 2012 kicks off next week in Zanesville. 

MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Ohio: Marcy Kaptur (D) versus “Joe the Plumber” aka Samuel Wurzelbacher (R)

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

PCW Rewind: Loose Cannons Unleashed 5- June 2009

Loose Cannons Unleashed 5 was the climax of a 9 month story arc involving a large corporate conglomerate called Domination Inc. Domination Inc. is led by longtime PCW nemesis ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and its stated goal is the hostile takeover of Political Championship Wrestling so Mr. McMann can remake it in his own vision.

However, Mr. McMann has a problem. Domination Inc. has a ‘mole’ within the organization who feeds corporate information and plans to PCW. This has thwarted McMann’s plans repeatedly throughout the 9 months. At Loose Cannons Unleashed, McMann will find out once and for all just who the mole is. The question is: will Domination Inc. survive when the mole is revealed?

PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama-managed by ‘Not just unbearable…not just intolerable…he is’ Justin Sufferable of the Progressive Alliance (aka Democrats) vs. ‘Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Big Monster Wahlie aka…BMW
Bahama has been the PCW Champion since winning the title at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in November.

BMW is the latest cog in Mr. McMann’s plan to secure the PCW Title. He’s wreaked havoc throughout Political Championship Wrestling over the past month and now McMann has him in a position to bring the PCW Title to Domination Inc. However, Mr. McMann has protected him from ‘serious’ competition over the few weeks BMW has been in PCW. Is he being overly cautious with his newest star player, or does BMW have a fatal flaw that hasn’t come to the forefront yet?

(Note: the ‘fatal flaw’ will become apparent in the next two PCW Extreme Political TV show leading up to Loose Cannons Unleashed)

Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter (American Patriots aka Republicans) in a grudge cage deathmatch.

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers-Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, Jane Hamsher, and Paul Krugman (Progressive Alliance) vs. W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad- ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card.

Garofalo has revenge on her mind after Coulter handcuffed her to a cage and blasted her with a steel-folding chair a few weeks ago.

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers also want revenge on W’s Truth Squad after being attacked and left unconscious with the letter W spray painted on their backs.

(Note: on the blog and Newsline it shows the Right Wing Brigadiers as being the Angry Left Wing Bloggers opponents. That will change at the next PCW Extreme Political TV show)

PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition- another PCW faction) puts her title on the line in a three way dance against Kathryn Randall Collins managed by Hillary Clinton and accompanied by the Clinton Political Pitbulls James Carville and Paul Begala and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen managed by The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin.

Martin just completed graduate school and will be leaving Political Championship Wrestling in mid-June.

KRC and the Eskimo Queen have been embroiled in a feud revolving around a controversial referee, Paul Martin Adams aka PMA, brought in by John Murtha of the Progressive Alliance. PMA has repeated called matches as no contests just as The Eskimo Queen seemed to have the momentum on her side. (Note: there are no DQ’s in PCW).

KRC is a two time PCW Women’s champion who desperately wants the title back.

The Eskimo Queen is an up and comer who’s seeking her first PCW Women’s title.

(note: Mercedes from Domination Inc. will be added to the match to make it a four way dance for the title.)

PCW Tag Team Championship
PCW Tag Team Championship: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) vs. Cadillac and Jaguar (Domination Inc.)
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit are former employees of Domination Inc. who were contractually forced to give up their titles by Mr. McMann. McMann’s original plan was to hand the titles to his new protegees Cadillac and Jaguar. PCW CEO Barack Obama nixed that idea and set up an 8 team tournament to determine the new champion. Big Oil and Walstreit/Cadillac and Jaguar made it through a tough PCW Tag Team division

SNAFU (Independent) defends the PCW Television Title against Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots).
With the help of Dr. Bill- a Dr. Phil wannbe who spouts ridiculous platitudes masquerading as self-help mantra, SNAFU graduated from ‘talent enhancement’ to win the TV Title from ‘No Frill’s Chris Escondido.

N-Bomb defeated Dave the Mechanic in a #1 contender’s match to get another shot at the PCW TV Title. N-Bomb defeated SNAFU a few weeks back in a #1 contender’s match when Escondido was the TV Champion

———————–

Here is the complete card:

Main Event: PCW TITLE MATCH
PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Domination Inc’s ‘Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Big Monster Wahlie!

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- Wall Street Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) vs.
Cadillac and Jaguar (Domination Inc.)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH
Kathryn Randall Collins aka…KRC (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (SarahPAC) vs.
Mercedes (Domination Inc.) vs.
PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
PCW TV Champion SNAFU (Independent) vs.
Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)

Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Right Wing Brigadiers (American Patriots)

Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter in a Grudge Cage Deathmatch

Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Quadruple R-Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
-if Starz N. Stripes wins, he gets 15 minutes with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo
-if Quad R wins, W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad gets to waterboard him

———————-

PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 5: June 7th from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio

HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

******

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “HELLO…AND WELCOME TO P-C-W LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED FIVE!” A thunderous cheer follows. Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE. THIS SMOKIN’ HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN. TONIGHT, WE ARE LIVE AT PCW’S SPIRITUAL HOME- HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON!” Crowd: “JOHNNY SUAVE! JOHNNY SUAVE! JOHNNY SUAVE!…” Suave: “ALL FOUR TITLES ON THE LINE! LET’S RUN DOWN THE CARD ONE LAST TIME BEFORE OUR FIRST MATCH OF THE NIGHT!”

Main Event: PCW TITLE MATCH
PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Domination Inc’s ‘Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Big Monster Wahlie!

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- Wall Street Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) vs.
Cadillac and Jaguar (Domination Inc.)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH
Kathryn Randall Collins aka…KRC (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (SarahPAC) vs.
Mercedes (Domination Inc.) vs.
PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)
*
PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
PCW TV Champion SNAFU (Independent) vs.
Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)

Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Right Wing Brigadiers (American Patriots)

Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter in a Grudge Cage Deathmatch

Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance) vs.
Quadruple R-Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
-if Starz N. Stripes wins, he gets 15 minutes with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo
-if Quad R wins, W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad gets to waterboard him
——————
A very pregnant Charlene Ann Beckworth climbs into the ring with some help from PCW Correspondent Gina Ramsey.

Crowd: “SHE’S HAVING TWINS! SHE’S HAVING TWINS!…” Charlene Ann: “Very funny. Very, very funny. Our first match tonight is a PCW Special Added Attraction!” The crowd cheers. Charlene Ann: “First, representing Fox News, he’s Mr. Anti-Spin, Bill O’Reilly!” Some in the crowd cheer. Others boo.

Charlene Ann: “His opponent is from MSNBC. It’s Keith Olbermann!” Some in the crowd cheer. Others boo. Olbermann and O’Reilly immediately engage in a war of words in the ring. Suave: “WHOA! It’s getting heated already!”

*IF YOU DON’T THINK I’M THE BEST WRESTLER THERE IS, THEN YOU DON’T KNOW JACK SCHETT!*
 
Aimee Allen’s ‘Start a Revolution’ starts to play. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S JACK SCHETT’S MUSIC!”

Ron Paul, Jack Schett, Bull Schett, Horst Schett, and their extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber come out to a roaring ovation. The crowd sings along to “Start a Revolution” as they walk to the ring.

MATCH #1- Three Way Dance
BILL O’REILLY (Fox News) vs.
KEITH OLBERMANN (MSNBC) vs.

JACK SCHETT w/Ron Paul, Bull Schett, Horst Schett, and the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)

O’Reilly and Olbermann don’t know what to make of Schett. Suave: “O’Reilly and Olbermann came to the ring wanting to tear each other apart. But now, they may actually have to WORK TOGETHER to survive Can they do it?” The bell rings. Suave: “We’re gonna find out. Here we go. PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5 is under way! Olbermann and O’Reilly eye each other. Jack Schett is just waiting in his corner.” Both Olbermann and O’Reilly appear uncertain to what they should do. Suave: “O’Reilly sticks his leg through the ring ropes.” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “Now Olbermann sticks his leg through the ring ropes. Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!” Jack Schett shakes his head. Crowd: “JACK’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) JACK’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “Well! That’ll encourage them both to get back in the ring.” Jack feigns a step forward. Both O’Reilly and Olbermann go to the ring floor. Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!”

Olbermann grabs a mic. Olbermann: “Whoever set this match up is the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!” Olbermann glares at Jack Schett. Olbermann: “I don’t know who the hell *you* are. But get the hell out of the ring so I can wipe it up with Bill O’Reilly.” Jack smiles and leans up against the ropes. O’Reilly: “Listen Olbermann. You’re a pinhead. The pinhead of the day. You and your extreme left wing cronies at MSNBC have gone too far. I’m not advocating violence against you but I think people should go over and firebomb your house.” Crowd: “OOOOOOOH!” Olbermann: “I’m not going to rest until I kick you and your extreme right wing nuts at Fox off the air!” O’Reilly: “You just try!” Olbermann: “Oh yeah?” O’Reilly: “Yeah!” Suave: “Okay, let’s go guys.” Jack shakes his head and relaxes against the ring rope.

Referee Davey Keels finally tells both men to get back in the ring. O’Reilly is first. He tentatively climbs back in. Suave: “O’Reilly’s back in…Jack goes for a lock up…O’Reilly sticks his foot through the ropes.” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “I’m telling you. Somehow, someway, O’Reilly and Olbermann are going to have to work together!” Olbermann back in the ring. He edges away from Jack. Jack retreats back to his corner and waits. Olbermann inches closer to O’Reilly. O’Reilly completely goes through the ring ropes and leans against the turnbuckle on the apron. Olbermann takes another step forward. Suave: “Wait a minute. I think Olbermann is finally getting it.” Olbermann takes one last peek back at Jack…and then cheap shots O’Reilly by kicking his legs out from under him while he’s on the apron. Suave: “Well…maybe not.” O’Reilly falls to the floor. Olbermann follows. Suave: “Olbermann whips O’Reilly into the steel ring step- ..HERE COMES JACK SCHETT!” Jack leaps through the ropes and plows Olbermann hard into O’Reilly against the steel ring steps. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “HOLY ####! HOLY ####!”

Suave: “UNBELIEVABLE! Jack rolls Olbermann and Bull Schett comes over and throws O’Reilly back in the ring. Horst Schett comes over with two bricks. Olbermann and O’Reilly are laid out on the canvas in opposite corners. Suave: “Here we go…double Schett brick coming…GLENN BECK? HARDBALL CHRIS MATTHEWS! IT’S GLENN BECK AND HARDBALL CHRIS MATTHEWS!” Beck and Matthews run to the ring from opposite sides. Bull Schett moves to cut off Beck. Horst motions to the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber. The dog takes off after Matthews. Suave: “THE BRICKS ARE IN PLACE! HOLY CRAP! BULL SCHETT JUST CLOTHESLINED THE HELL OUT OF GLENN BECK! AND HANS GRUBER JUST BIT MATTHEWS IN THE GROIN! MATTHEWS SPINS AROUND…IT LOOKS LIKE THAT SCENE FROM THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY WHERE BEN STILLER IS SPINNING AROUND WITH THE DOG CLAMPED ON HIS CROTCH! JACK AND BULL JUMP! SCHETT-BRICK! SCHETT-BRICK!” Jack and Bull cover. Referee Keels slides over to where Jack is covering O’Reilly. One…two…three…

Charlene Ann: “Your winner…JACK SCHETT!” Aimee Allen’s ‘Start a Revolution fires back up and the Schett’s celebrate with Ron Paul in the ring. Suave: “Jack Schett gets PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5 off to a roaring start by taking out Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly!

Hardball Chris Matthews finally passes out after spinning around in vain to remove Hans Gruber ‘s jaws from his groin.

Suave: “We’re going to take a quick look at the next match between PCW Television Champion SNAFU and Newt Tron Bomb.”

——————-

REPLAY: 5/17-PCW ON P-SPAN SHOW: SNAFU wins the PCW Television Title
Escondido climbs the top rope- Dr. Bill sneaks over and crotches the TV champ on the top turnbuckle. SNAFU grabs Escondido and a Belly to Belly Suplexes him from the top rope. Escondido back up, SNAFU clotheslines him back down. Russian leg sweep by SNAFU. Emanuel in. German suplex by SNAFU on Rahm-bo. Dr. Bill throws a chair at Escondido. SNAFU spins around and kicks the chair in his face. SNAFU for the triple jump moonsault…splashes Escondido. SNAFU grabs the chair. Arabian Facebuster. SNAFU covers. One. Two. Three.
*
REPLAY: 5/20 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: SNAFU and Dr. Bill Celebrate
SNAFU comes to the ring holding up the PCW Television belt. ‘The Dr. Phil wannabe’ Dr. Bill follows with a huge grin. Dr. Bill takes the mic. Dr. Bill: “Take it from a guy: If you’re in love with somebody, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon. You’re going to get to her somehow, some way. SNAFU wanted the PCW Television belt. He swam the stream. He climbed the mountain. And he slayed the dragon!” SNAFU points to the TV Title belt. Dr. Bill: “Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right. Everyone told him he couldn’t graduate from ‘talent enhancement.’ Well, he made the decision right Sunday night…”
*
ANNOUNCER: A new challenger to the Television then stepped forward…
*
REPLAY: 5/27 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: #1 Contenders Match between Newt Tron Bomb w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb (American Patriots) and the American Trucker w/Tequila Sheila (American Heartland Coalition)

Daisy Cutter-Bomb comes over and clotheslines American Trucker. Newt Tron Bomb follows with an inverted DDT. Daisy follows with an Daisy Cutter Power Bomb. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” N-Bomb kicks American Trucker’s knee. N-Bomb knees American Trucker and rolls back to his feet.” Daisy sets a table up. Suave: “Well, that can’t be good. N-Bomb pulls American Trucker up. DDT THROUGH THE TABLE! HOLY CRAP!” Daisy rolls American Trucker back in the ring. Suave: “N-Bomb also back in. He backs his butt up to American Trucker’s face. EWWWWW! SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY!” The referee, holding his nose and his breath, rapidly counts to three and gets out of harm’s way.

———————

Charlene Ann: “Our next match is for the PCW Television Title. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 200 pounds from Alamogordo, New Mexico. He’s a member of American Patriots and accompanied by Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Newt Tron Bomb!” The crowd cheers as N-Bomb climbs into the ring. Charlene Ann: “And his opponent, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Norway, Maine. He’s accompanied by Dr. Bill and holds the PCW Television Title title belt, SNAFU!” SNAFU climbs into the ring.

MATCH #2 for the PCW Television Title:
SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Independent) (c) vs.
NEWT TRON BOMB w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb (American Patriots)

The bell rings. Suave: “There’s the bell. N-Bomb charges out! SNAFU gets nailed with an axhandle bodyblock! Baba chop. N-Bomb with a waist lock on now. Belly to Belly Suplex! It is all N-Bomb so far…SNAFU COMES BACK WITH A CLOTHESLINE!” Dr. Bill slides a chair in. SNAFU sets it up. Suave: “Triple Jump Moonsault on the waaaaay. YES! Cover. One…N-Bomb kicks right out. N-Bomb goes for a splash but SNAFU gets out of the way. SNAFU picks up N-Bomb…Fall Away Slam! SNAFU with a suplex. SNAFU with a VERTICAL SUPLEX. Now SNAFU mounts N-Bomb AND STARTS PUNCHING AWAY!” Daisy Cutter-Bomb up on the ring apron yelling at the referee. N-Bomb back up and whips himself off the ropes…AND RIGHT INTO A DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR! After a quick start, N-Bomb is in big trouble. SNAFU covers. One…Two…No! N-Bomb gets the shoulder up.”

SNAFU pulls N-Bomb up. Suave: “Gut Wrench Powerbomb on the open chair! SNAFU up top. 450 Splash! Oh man. N-Bomb just got crushed on that steel folding chair! Cover…one…two…NO! N-BOMB JUST GETS THE SHOULDER UP! WOW! OHHHHHHH so close!” SNAFU now goes to a reverse chin lock. Dr. Bill gets in the ring with his clipboard. Suave: “What the hell is he doing in there?” Dr. Bill takes a couple cheap shots with the clipboard. Suave: “Aw come on!” Daisy again up to the ring apron. Suave: “N-Bomb is getting worked over. But he escapes and decides to roll to the floor. Dr. Bill grabs a table and sets it up. SNAFU slams N-Bomb’s head onto the table. That impact was sickening. SNAFU steps back…SUPERKICK INTO THE TABLE! SNAFU up top!…HOLY CRAP! SENTON THROUGH THE TABLE!” Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…”

Suave: “SNAFU BACK UP ON TOP AGAIN…” Daisy slides into the ring. She runs across and crotches him on the top rope. Suave: “DAISY CUTTER-BOMB MAKES THE SAVE! NOW DR. BILL HAS A HOLD OF HER HAIR!” Dr. Bill tries to pull her by the hair from the ring. Daisy’s arm whips around. *CRRACKK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! BACKFIST TO THE MUSH BY DAISY!” Dr. Bill flies off the apron to the floor. Suave: “DAISY IS GIVING N-BOMB INVALUABLE TIME TO COLLECT HIMSELF OUTSIDE THE RING.” N-Bomb pulls himself up. SNAFU lying on the ring apron. Suave: “N-Bomb goes up top. Now *he’s* going for a high risk move.” He MISSES the shooting star press, hits the corner of the ring apron, and falls harmlessly to the floor. Dr. Bill, bleeding from a cut courtesy of Daisy’s backfist, drapes him on a table on the floor. Suave: “He just hit this a couple moments ago. Can he do it again? SNAFU up top…HOLY CRAP! SPLASH THROUGH THE TABLE!”

The referee climbs out of the ring to survey the situation. N-Bomb tries to get up. SNAFU grabs him and throws him into the ring. Suave: “Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex! Cover. One…tw- kick out by N-Bomb. N-Bomb back up. Russian Leg Sweep puts him right back down.” SNAFU finds a chair. He gets a running start. ARABIAN FACEBUSTER! ARABIAN FACEBUSTER. COVER. ONE. TWO.. THREE.

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, and still PCW Television Title champion, SNAFU!!!

Suave: “SNAFU with an impressive win here tonight and…oh, oh.” Daisy Cutter-Bomb has Dr. Bill by the shirt collar. Suave: “Daisy’s got Dr. Bill! And SNAFU…is just watching?” Daisy lifts Dr. Bill. *WHAM!* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DAISY CUTTER POWERBOMB THROUGH A TABLE!” Dr. Bill’s out cold in the wreckage of what’s left of the table. Suave: “And SNAFU just watched her to do it?” SNAFU shrugs his shoulders and leaves with the belt.

——————–

POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING IS PRESENTED BY:

Suave: “As they lower the cage down for our next match between the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter and Janeane Garofalo, let’s take a quick look back at this little feud that flared up a couple months ago…”

REPLAY: 4/26 PCW ON P-SPAN:
Steel Cage Grudge Match-Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs. PCW Women’s Champion ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

Announcer: “This first started as a feud between Garofalo and the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl over Garofalo’s comments about ordinary Americans involved in the Boston Tea Party demonstrations across the country. But soon, it led to this…”

…Suave: “TESSA MARTIN GETS THE WIN AND…NOW WHAT? DICK CHENEY WANTS TO SHAKE TESSA’S HAND NOW? IS HE NUTS?” Dick thrusts his hand out to Tessa. Tessa looks around the crowd to gauge their response. Dick: “Shake my f###### hand!” Tessa’s eyes widen. Then she Pizza Cutters Dick. The crowd explodes. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! TESSA JUST PIZZA CUTTERED DICK!…NOW SHE’S BEING ATTACKED BY W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD!” Card, Perino, Fleischer, and Rove beat down Tessa. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter and former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton enter the cage.

Coulter grabs Garofalo and handcuffs her to the side of the cage. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER HAS HANDCUFFED JANEANE GAROFALO TO THE CAGE. AND NOW, ARI FLEISCHER AND ANDREW CARD HAVE BROUGHT IN A BARREL FULL OF WATER? AND A BOARD? Oh…no.” Burton pulls Tessa up and drapes her on the board. Perino handcuffs Tessa’s arms behind her back around the board and Fleischer and Card lower her into the water. Suave: “NO! STOP THEM! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!” Lamb: “My God. Are they actually…waterboarding her?” Suave: “WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE, BRIAN?” Suave jumps on top of the announcer’s table. Suave: “DICK, THIS IS WRONG! STOP IT!” Dick sneers at Suave and has a microphone. Dick: “Of course you would think that way, Suave. Because you’re weak. You all are weak! When you face an enemy, do you worry about piddly little minute details such as the Geneva Convention?” Coulter takes a steel chair and blasts Garofalo with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE’S KNOCKED OUT!”

ANNOUNCER: Garofalo responded to Coulter’s attack the next week on PCW Extreme Political TV.

REPLAY: 5/17 PCWExtreme Political TV: Garofalo issues a challenge
Garofalo:
“Ann Coulter. You. Me. Steel cage match. We’re going to settle this once and for all. You won’t have Dick Cheney or any of his henchmen to help you. It’ll take more than the Geneva Convention to keep me from kicking your ass all over that cage. You got one on me last month. I’m going to get it back in spades on June 7th.”

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Charlene Ann: Our next match is a Steel Cage Grudge Deathmatch. On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 168 pounds, from Los Angeles, CA a member of Progressive Alliance, Janeane Garofalo! Janeane Garofalo walks towards the ring. Ann Coulter already inside pacing back and forth.

Charlene Ann: “And her opponent, weighing in at 165 pounds, from Washington, D.C. a member of American Patriots, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coul- HEY!” Suave: “GAROFALO CHARGED PAST CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH AND SPEARED COULTER. THEY ROLL AROUND. CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!” The referee quickly gets Charlene Ann out of the ring. Suave: “Yeah, not a very bright move on Garofalo’s part, shoving past a nine month pregnant woman!” Charlene Ann safely out of harm’s way. The ref calls for the bell.

MATCH #3 Steel Cage Grudge Deathmatch- winner either pins her opponent or climbs out of the cage first
JANEANE GAROFALO (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots)


Suave:
GAROFALO BITES THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME!” Garofalo spits out a piece of skin and then yanks hard on Coulter’s hair. Coulter pushes her away. She bends down and tries to lift Garofalo. Garofalo reverses. Armdrag takedown. Suave: “Garofalo turns Coulter upside down…OW! SHE RAMS COULTER’S FACE INTO THE CAGE!…AND AGAIN…AND AGAIN! NOW A SIDEWALK SLAM BY GAROFALO! COULTER’S IN A WORLD OF HURT RIGHT NOW! GAROFALO’S CLIMBING OUT OF THE CAGE!” She makes it three steps up before Coulter grabs her ankles and pulls them off the cage. Suave: “GAROFALO HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE! COULTER’S TUGGING AT HER LEGS!” Coulter yanks hard on the legs. Garofalo loses her grip and falls straight down, bouncing off the cage and the ring apron. Coulter takes a few steps back. She runs and slides below the bottom rope and belts Garofalo in the mouth with her boots. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! GAROFALO MIGHT HAVE TO ACTIVATE HER DENTAL PLAN AFTER THAT WICKED BASEBALL SLIDE BY COULTER!”

Coulter brings her back in. Series of punches grounds Garofalo. Knee drop by Coulter. Blatant chokehold by Coulter. Suave: “Referee Davey Keels has his hands full with these two. He finally got Coulter to break the chokehold. Coulter wants to drop the elbow, but Garofalo rolls away. Coulter hits an earringer. She tries another one. Garofalo stops Coulter’s hand.” *SLAP* Suave: “And just slaps her silly across the face. Garofalo going for a dropkick…got it! GAROFALO CLIMBING THE CAGE AGAIN! SHE MAY MAKE IT! SHE’S HALFWAY UP!” Coulter finally gets up and shakes the cage. Garofalo comes back down backfirst, hits the top rope, and does a 360 flip into the ring landing hard on the canvas. Crowd: “HOLY S###! HOLY S###!” Suave: “That wasn’t one of her better landings, for sure.” Knee drop by Coulter. Falling headbutt. She turns Garofalo over and rubs her face in the mat. Garofalo back kick low bridges Coulter. Suave: “Coulter bent over from the low blow. Follow up neckbreaker by Garofalo. Garofalo drops the leg on the throat of Coulter…and pulls her back up by her hair… a snap mare takeover. Elbowdrop. Janeane Garofalo in completel control right now. Leg drop to the ‘Queen of Political Extreme.’ Neck breaker. Cover. One…two…NO! Coulter gets her shoulder up!”

Garofalo presses the attack. She backs Coulter into a corner. Mounted punches follow. Suave: “Coulter is taking a lot of punishment here. Garofalo sends her for the ride across the ring into the other corner. Garofalo going for the splash…AND MISSED! She staggers back…REVERSE NECKBREAKER BY COULTER! BACK AND FORTH ACTION HERE IN THE EXTREME GRUDGE DEATHMATCH! Now it’s Garofalo sent for the ride…CLOTHESLINE BY COULTER! COVER! ONE…TWO…NO! KICKOUT BY GAROFALO! FACE RAKE BY GAROFALO!” Coulter staggers backwards. Her hands try to clear her vision. Suave: “MISSILE DROPKICK BY GAROFALO SENDS THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE!” Garofalo grabs the back of Coulter’s head and rams it repeatedly into the cage. Suave: “SMALL PACKAGE BY GAROFALO! ONE…TWO…NO! COULTER KICKS OUT. ANOTHER COVER BY GAROFALO. ONE…TWO…AGAIN, COULTER KICKS OUT. ANOTHER COVER. ONE…TWO…NO! COULTER GETS HER SHOULDER UP JUST IN TIME!.”

Garofalo reaches into her trunks. Suave: “What is she doing?” She blows powder into Coulter’s eyes. Suave: “GAROFALO BLINDS COULTER! AIRPLANE SPIN! AIRPLANE SPIN BY GAROFALO! COULTER DUMPED. COVER. ONE…TWO…THREE!

The referee opens the cage door and helps Charlene Ann inside. Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, Janeane Garofalo!”

Garofalo flips off Coulter and begins to leave. Just as she reaches the cage door, it slams shut on her and nails her in the face. Suave: “Holy crap! IT’S THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION ‘EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN!” Garofalo lies stunned on the ring canvas. Crowd: “PLEASE DON’T GO…PLEASE DON’T GO!” Tessa: “Thanks. I thought as being this is officially my final night in PCW…” Crowd: “PLEASE DON’T GO…PLEASE DON’T GO!” Tessa: “Tonight, I’m taking care of all unfinished business before I leave.” Tessa picks up Garofalo. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER FOR GAROFALO!” Tessa eyes the fallen Ann Coulter. Suave: “What she going to do now? She walks over to Coulter…and throws her out of the ring.” Coulter goes flying out of the open cage door to the ring floor.

Suave:
“JANEANE GAROFALO GETS THE BIG WIN FOR THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE HERE. AND PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION ‘EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL’ TESSA MARTIN CLOSES THE BOOK ON TWO OF HER RECENT ADVERSARIES.

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———————–

Suave: “We’re almost ready for the PCW Tag Team title match between Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit and Cadillac and Jaguar. Last month, Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann exercised a clause in Big Oil and Walstreit’s employment that gave him the power to drop their titles for them. McMann wanted the belts to go to Cadillac and Jaguar. PCW CEO Barack Obama ruled that while McMann had the contractual right to make Big Oil and Walstreit drop the belts, he did not have the authority to assign the belts to someone else. Thus an eight team tournament followed.”

REPLAY: 5/6 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: McMann hands Big Oil and Walstreit at plaque and demands the Tag Team belts in return.
McMann reads the plaque. McMann: “Congratulations to a couple of team players. You’ve been worthy tag team champions……But now that you’ve had a good 6 month run as champion, it’s time to turn over the belts To Cadillac and Jaguar?” Suave: “WHAT! Big Oil and Walstreit are totally stunned.”

REPLAY: 5/17 PCW ON P-SPAN-‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann strips Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit of the Tag Team Titles
McMann: “Gentlemen, I direct you to Domination Inc’s Corporate Counsel- Felcher and Felcher. B Felcher reads from what appears to be a contract. B Felcher: “Clause 17-B in your employment agreement. An Executive of Domination Inc. has the right to relinquish from Domination Inc. employee any title as he or she sees fit.” McMann: “Or in other words, I have the right to make you drop the titles. Therefore, as a duly appointed executive, I declare that Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit have forfeited their titles and that the new PCW Tag Team champions are Cadillac and Jaguar.”

Announcer: “So, Mr. McMann decreed that per his contract, he could make Cadillac and Jaguar the new PCW Tag Team champions. Then the PCW CEO Barack Obama came out to address the situation.”

McMann: “There’s nothing you can do about it, Obama. I’ve got this covered lock, stock, and barrel.” Holder takes a copy of the contract and starts to read through the document. Obama: “All right. Given the extraordinary nature of what’s going on here. I’m going to ask Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit to leave their belts with Eric Holder. We will review this and I will come back out later tonight to make my ruling.”

Announcer:
“The PCW CEO came back out later to make his decision.”

Obama: “Gentlemen. Mr. Holder has reviewed the contracts in question and this is what we’ve decided. It is agreed that Mr. McMann has the right contractually to make Big Oil and Walstreit forfeit the PCW Tag Team belts.” Cadillac and Jaguar’s eyes light up. Big Oil and Walstreit wave away the decision and walk to the back. Obama: “However, Mr. McMann’s contract does not supersede PCW by-laws. Therefore, I declare the title vacant and subject to an eight tag team tournament that will begin next Sunday night right here on P-SPAN.”

Announcer: “The tournament began with eight. Last Sunday, it was down to four…”

REPLAY: Semi-Final #1 of the PCW Tag Team Tournament between BIG OIL and KIRK WALSTREIT (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) and HUNTER the HUNTER and GRIZZLY ADAM w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
...Hunter whips Big Oil to the corner of the ring. Grizzly Adam German suplexes Big Oil. Big Oil bounces Grizzly Adam off the ropes and clotheslines him. Kirk Walstreit in. Walstreit nails Grizzly Adam with a double underhook suplex. Grizzly Adam comes back and scoops Walstreit up and powerslams him through a table! He goes for the cover. Keels counts. …1 …2 Walstreit kicks out…

…Hunter gets to the corner and tags Grizzly Adam in. Grizzly Adam promptly gets hit with a dragon screw from Walstreit. Grizzly Adam Hunter the Hunter back in. Hunter punches Walstreit. Hunter pins Walstreit against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. Forearm to the head. Quad R Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson again hits the ring. Suplex to Hunter. Quad R to the top rope…Senton Bomb!

Walstreit knees Hunter. Then an elbowdrop. Walstreit hooks Hunter’s face and drives him into a chair. Hunter’s face is busted open! Walstreit covers…1 …2 …3

REPLAY: Semi-Final #2 of the PCW Tag Team Tournament between ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO and STARZ N. STRIPES w/Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) and CADILLAC and JAGUAR (Domination Inc.)
Cadillac places ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido on the turnbuckle and executes a front-layout suplerplex. Follow up clothesline to Escondido. Cadillac quickly tags in Jaguar and then double underhooks Escondido and tiger drives him. Jaguar chimes in with punches, allowing Cadillac to hit a belly-to-back suplex on Escondido. Starz N. Stripes throws a chair at Cadillac. Starz spins around and kicks the chair in his face. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido gets up. Jaguar hits Escondido with a double arm DDT. Escondido gets to the corner and tags Starz N. Stripes in…

…Jaguar jumps onto Escondido’s shoulders, twists, and DDT’s him onto the floor. Connor Justice and D.B. Ruff run around to interfere. Justice with a chokehold on Escondido. D.B. Ruff chokes Starz with his boot. Ruff goes for the taser but Rahm Emanuel runs over and chokes him with a microphone cable. F-Bomb to Ruff. Emanuel grabs a chair…he smashes Justice over the head with it! F-Bomb to Justice. Emanuel clotheslines Jaguar. F-Bomb to Jaguar. Quad R in again. He chokes Escondido with a microphone cable. Emanuel over, Quad R hooks in a double underhook and tiger drives him on the floor. Quad R sets up a table and drapes Escondido on a table. Quad R leg drops Escondido through the table. Quad R throws Escondido back into the ring. Jaguar nails a corkscrew legdrop on Escondido. A spinning leg lariat follows. Escondido in trouble. Jaguar thrust kicks him in the head. Jaguar covers and hooks the leg. Keels counts the pin. …1 …2 …3

—————

Charlene Ann Beckworth back in the ring. Charlene Ann: “This next match is for the PCW Tag Team Title. In this corner, representing Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance, former PCW Tag Team champions- Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- Wall Street Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit!” The crowd applauds. Walstreit holds up his portrait of ESPN College Football Analyst Kirk Herbstreit for everyone to see.

Charlene Ann: “Their opponents wrestle for Domination Inc. They are the team of Cadillac and Jaguar.” Cadillac and Jaguar climb into the ring.

MATCH #4 PCW Tag Team Title Match
BIG OIL and KIRK WALSTREIT- Wall Street Analyst with a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) vs.
CADILLAC and JAGUAR w/Domination Inc.-CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, CFO Gordon Guykko, Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice, and Extreme Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (Domination Inc.)

The bell rings. Jaguar attacks and gets nailed with a charging axhandle bodyblock from Kirk Walstreit. Suave: “It’s going to be Jaguar and Walstreit to start. Walstreit connects with a knee. Jaguar responds with a kick to the gut. He backs up…and scissor kicks him to the mat. Jaguar picks up Walstreit and heaves him to the outside near the rest of Domination Inc- not a place he wants to be tonight.” Jaguar goes up to the second turnbuckle and leaps, nailing a second turnbuckle elbow drop. Suave: “Jaguar aggressive here to start. WHOA! ROPEFLIP HIPTOSS ON WALSTREIT! Jaguar back to the ring.”

D.B. Ruff of Rough Justice- two police officers fired for their extreme method of law enforcement, kicks Walstreit in the head. Walstreit moves back to his feet and climbs back in. Suave: “Jaguar tags Cadillac in. He immediately connects with a flying knee on Walstreit. Cadillac covers…one…Walstreit powers out of there. Cadillac follows up with punches to the head. He tags Jaguar back in.” Walstreit nails Jaguar with a double underhook suplex.” Walstreit with a leg drop. Jaguar pulls himself up. Walstreit dropkicks Jaguar. Kirk Walstreit is up again. Jaguar climbs to his feet. Cadillac and Jaguar doubleteam Walstreit to get the advantage. Suave: “Domination Inc. double team keeping Big Oil at bay. JAGUAR! WHOA! HE JUST NAILED AN INCREDIBLE CORKSCREW DDT! COVER. ONE…TW- NO! WALSTREIT KICKS OUT. CADILLAC IN THE RING. JAGUAR PULLS WALSREIT UP. CADILLAC GOES TO THE MAT. SPINNING HEEL KICK BY JAGUAR. TOTAL OBLITERATION! AND YES, IT’S THE SAME MOVE SATURN AND KRONUS MADE FAMOUS IN ECW- EXCEPT ADD TAJIRI’S KICKS TO THE MIX. WOW! COVER. ONE…TWO…BIG OIL IN THE RING. HERE WE GO! CHOKE SLAM TO JAGUAR! CHOKE SLAM TO CADILLAC. ROUGH JUSTICE IN THE RING NOW. CHOKE SLAM TO RUFF. JUSTICE TRIES TO TASER BIG OIL. CHOKE SLAM TO JUSTICE! ANOTHER COVER BY JAGUAR. ONE…TWO…WALSTREIT KICKED OUT! HOLY CRAP!”

Jaguar swiftly on the top rope. Leaps and lands double knees to Walstreit’s chest. Suave: “The action fast and furious now. Jaguar back to the top rope…whoa…he almost slipped off. Jaguar ready to jump…BIG OIL GOT HIM! CADILLAC UP! LOW BLOW! WOW!” Big Oil topples over with his hands covering his privates. Suave: “There goes Jaguar! FLYING HEADBUTT TO THE JEWELS! HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil contorts in pain. Walstreit back up. He pushes Cadillac into Jaguar. Jaguar goes flying out of the ring. Walstreit lifts Cadillac. Suave: “Wheelbarrow suplex! Cover…Cadillac isn’t the legal man in the ring. Walstreit going up top! Flying elbow to Jaguar. Jaguar holds his chest. Big Oil back up. HE’S GOT CADILLAC BY THE THROAT! CHOKE SLAM! CHOKE SLAM!”

Connor Justice and D.B. Ruff hit the ring. Suave: “Here we go! Justice has a triangle chokehold on Big Oil. D.B. Ruff whips Walstreit into the corner. HOLY CRAP! Ruff kicked Walstreit in the groin. HERE COMES QUAD R!” Quad R aka…Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson slides into the ring with a steel chair and low blows Justice. *CLANG* Suave: “Quad R hits Justice with the chair! *CLANG* Down goes Ruff!” *CLANG* Quad R clocks Jaguar with the chair. THE CORPORATE ENFORCER WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT IS IN THE RING!” Quad R instinctly goes after WTF. WTF grabs the chair with his hands. *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” WTF lifts Quad R up. *WHAM* Suave: “POWER BOMB! WAIT A MINUTE! WALSTREIT’S GOT JAGUAR IN THE COBRA CLUTCH!” The referee asks Jaguar if he gives up. McMann yells ‘hell, no’ from the outside. Suave: “Walstreit lets go and pulls Jaguar back up. He maneuvers him near a chair. DDT! Jaguar is busted open! Walstreit lifts Jaguar…STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER ONE! TWO! THREE! WE HAVE NEW TWO TIME PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of the match and the NEW PCW Tag Team Champions- Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit!”

Suave:
“BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT REGAIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES! AND THINGS AIN’T LOOKING GOOD FOR DOMINATION INC.” ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann stomps away. CFO Gordon Guyko follows shaking his head. The rest silently trudge to the back.

SLAND OF MISFIT WRESTLERS LOCKER ROOM
Another week; another locker room full of somber and depressed Island of Misfit Wrestlers (Mr. Jaundice, Captain Nausea, The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious, Michael Hunt and Richard Headd of Guys with Unfortunate Names, Dick Van Dam, Jimmy from So Cal, and Dread Pirate Douggie). Movie Classic walks in holding a DVD. Movie Classic: “My goodness. This is PCW’s flagship event! Loose Cannons Unleashed 5. This is an exciting event. Why…why the down faces?” Richard Headd: “Because, none of us are on the show.” Dread Pirate Douggie: “Talent enhancement never makes the big show.” Movie Classic: “So none of you made the big show. So what? I think we’ve made our mark the last couple weeks?”

REPLAY: 5/27 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- A stunning upset takes place
BMW leans in…CLAW! THE CLAWHOLD! BARON VON MUNCHKE’S GOT THE CLAW INNNNNN.” BMW swats the hand away and drills Von Munchke with the powerbomb. Suave: “That’ll take the steam right out of you! BMW stalking Baron Von Munchke now…WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S…THAT’S THE PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION SNAFU! HE’S ON THE TOP ROPE!” SNAFU jumps and crashes the TV Title belt on the top of BMW’s head. BMW collapses in a heap. The crowd stands up. McMann’s eyes bulge out. Suave: “WAIT! HE’S…HE’S OUT!” Baron Von Munchke returns to a sitting position. Suave: “HE’S BEEN KNOCKED OUT!” Movie Classic can’t believe it either. Movie Classic: “DON’T JUST STAND THERE! PIN HIM! PIN HIM!” The Baron’s unsure what to do. He puts the Clawhold back on BMW. Movie Classic: “NO, DON’T CLAW HIM YOU MORON! PIN HIM!” Movie Classic gestures wildly at Von Munchke. The Baron finally covers. Crowd: “One. Two. Three.”Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HOLY FREAKIN’ CRAP! HE’S DONE IT! BARON VON MUNCHKE HAS DEFEATED BIG MONSTER WAHLIE! IT’S TOTAL PANDEMONIUM HERE.” SNAFU checks on the condition of BMW in the ring. Watching from outside the ring, Mr. McMann’s jaw is gaping open. Suave: “THE CROWD CAN’T BELIEVE IT. MR. McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HELL, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST UPSETS IN PCW HISTORY!

Movie Classic: “See?” The Mysterious Dr. Mysterious: “I just feel like dying.” Movie Classic: “Oh. That’s just your anxieties talking. Besides, what shall we die for?” Dr. Mysterious: “Huh?” Movie Classic: “You heard me, what shall we die for? You all will listen to me! (shouts) LISTEN! The Brethren will still be looking here, to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead…” Richard Headd: “The Brethren?” Michael Hunt: “Black Pearl?” Movie Classic: “…and what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free men and freedom!…” Dread Pirate Douggie: “What ship?” Movie Classic: “…And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do…” Dread Pirate Douggie: “Cannon? Cool. Who brought the cannon?” Movie Classic: “…By the sweat of our brows and the strength of our backs, and the courage of our hearts. Gentlemen. Hoist the colors!” Everyone looks at each other. Headd: “Um…sir? We don’t have any colors.” Movie Classic: “Oh……well…we should get some.” Hunt: “Say, uh. What movie do you have?” Movie Classic: “Huh?” Hunt: “What movie do you have in your hands?” Movie Classic looks at the title. Then he holds up the DVD for everyone to see. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean- At World’s End. Dread Pirate Douggie: “Ah. Good one sir.”

—————-

Suave: “We’re back. If the Angry Left Wing Bloggers are at war with the American Patriots, really at war with the Right Wing Brigadiers, how do they feel about W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad?”

REPLAY: 4/7 PCW NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS: W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad’s first attack
…“Dana Perino, Ari Fleisher, and Andrew Card stand over an unconscious Robert Gibbs- Obama’s spokesman. Fleisher has a lead pipe in his hand. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove makes his return to Political Championship Wrestling and points to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a freakin’ genius. Rove produces a can of spray paint and puts a “W” on Gibbs’s back. Perino then tells the camera that this is only the first. She says the W. Image Rehabilitation Team will do whatever it takes to restore the good name of George W.“

REPLAY: 4/22 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: another attack
In the back, Dick Cheney hovers over the prone bodies of the four Angry Left Wing Bloggers with a barbed wire covered baseball bat. Fleischer, Perino, and Card stand behind him. Dick: “Sometimes, harsh techniques produces results. Sometimes, you have to take it to the extreme.”

REPLAY: 4/29 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: Cheney speaks out
Dick Cheney and the rest of W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad- “The Mastermind” Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card, appear and they head to the ring. Twenty-five percent of the audience cheers. The rest boo. They climb into the ring. Rove keeps pointing to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a friggin’ genius. Cheney: “Oh boo-f***-ing hoo. Where is he?” Pelosi: “Where is who?” Cheney: “Where is that two-timing ***** ******* traitor Arlen Specter? If you see him, tell him I’ve got a ticket for him.” Pelosi: “A ticket?” Cheney: “That’s right. A ticket. A one way ticket to what I like to call- Club Gitmo.” The lights shine on the side of PCW Hall and illuminate a pool of water and a board on the side to lower someone in. More boos roll in. Cheney: “Just like Janeane Garofalo found out last week. Just like ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin found out last week. Just like Arlen Specter is going to find out THIS week.” Cheney pauses for more boos. Cheney: “If you’re not with us, you’re against us. Arlen Specter…where ever you’re hiding…if you can’t stand the heat…we’ll, don’t worry…I’VE got something that’ll cool you right off.” Cheney points to the waterboarding device inside ‘Club Gitmo.’

REPLAY: 5/27 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: Pulp Fiction Promo segment
Starz N. Stripes (Progressive Alliance). Starz: “Domination Inc. Sunday night, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and I are going to-” ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer, and Andrew Card…aka W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad, jump Starz and beat him down… …Starz Beatdown. Rove spray paints the letter ‘W’ on Starz’s back. Dick Cheney approves.

Later on that night…
Suave:
“The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Jane Hamsher, Media Matters For America, and Eric Alterman are in the ring.” Daily Kos: “After W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad’s attack tonight, The Angry Left Wing Bloggers have decided that we’d rather wrestle them instead of the Right Wing Brigadiers. So, PCW schmucks? Make it happen.”

———————

Suave: “This is going to be a war.”

MATCH #5
ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS: DAILY KOS, MEDIA MATTERS FOR AMERICA, JANE HAMSHER, AND ARIANNA HUFFINGTON (Progressive Alliance) vs.
W’S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD: DANA PERINO, ANDREW CARD, ARI FLEISCHER, AND ‘The Mastermind’ KARL ROVE (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) Daily Kos grabs a chair. Fleischer takes a chair from someone in the crowd to even the odds. Suave: “Forget the bell. Not needed.” Kos and Fleischer swing the chairs. *CLANK* They meet harmlessly in the middle. Kos ducks outside. Card blasts him with uppercuts. Kos tries to fight back. Perino sneaks in and gets a low blow to the groinshot on Kos. Huffington and Hamsher immediately come careening around the corner. Suave: “I’m just going to sit back and watch the mayhem.” Perino double clotheslines Hamsher and Huffington. Media Matters pulls Card off Daily Kos and eats more uppercuts. Kos tries to climb back into the ring but Card and Fleischer drag him right back out. More uppercuts by Card. Media Matters gets loose and slams Card face first onto the floor.

Kos and Fleischer get back in the ring. Kos clotheslines Fleischer over the top rope back to the floor. Kos whips himself off the ropes and propels himself onto Fleischer on the floor! Kos works him over. Kos flings Fleischer into the steel guardrail. Kos for a splash…Fleischer gets out of the way. *CLANG* Media Matters chairshot sends Fleischer to the floor. ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove takes advantage of the confusion. He leaps off the top rope and blasts Media Matters into the steel guardrail. Kos hooks Rove. Suplex on the floor! Huffington and Hamsher double team Perino. Arianna blasts Perino with closed fists. The referee tries to stop her. Huffington pushes the referee out of the way. Hamsher quickly up the turnbuckle. Skies off the top pad of the turnbuckle and splashes Perino. Huffington rams Perino’s face into the corner. Kos and Fleischer continue to brawl outside the ring. Media Matters chokes Card on the ropes. Kos tosses Fleischer into the steel guardrails. Kos grabs a mic cable off the ringside table and chokes Fleischer with it.

Kos drags Fleischer back to the ring. Suplex. Cover. One…two…Fleischer kicks out. Kos slaps on a bear hug and tries to squeeze the air out of Fleischer. Kos hits the big clothesline. Cover. One…two…no! Again, Fleischer kicks out. Huffington and Hamsher continue to abuse Perino. Card battles Media Matters on the outside. Rove is ko’d. Kos hits an elbow drop on Fleischer. Cover. One…two…th- no! Suave: “THAT WAS 2.888. Very close.” Kos drags Fleischer to the corner and calls for a chair. Arianna tosses one in. Kos places it in front of Fleischer. Two steps back. Dropkick to the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Kos nailed that one. Fleischer topples over. Kos covers. One…two…HEAD’S UP- IT’S THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin hit the ring. Suave: “Here we go!” Beck and Hannity take on Kos. Ingraham chases after Arianna. Malkin and Hamsher roll around the outside of the ring. Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!……you know, I never get tired of saying that.”

*Opening bars of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ play*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IS HE HERE! COULD IT BE?” A spotlight searches the bar. The crowd explodes when a plaid shirted man with a steel-folding chair and a mocha appears. Suave: “HE’S HERE! HE’S BACK! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE! THE ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!” A huge roar fills the bar and a white haired man joins him. Suave: “AND BILL CLINTON IS HERE WITH HIM! HOLY CRAP!” the crowd sings: “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. Suave: “HE’S BACK IN PCW!” The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon and Clinton slowly make their way through the crowd. Clinton starts to run to the ring but Gore stops. He pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead while Clinton waits. Again, Gore on the move. They reach the floor around the ring. Clinton breaks for the ring. Gore pulls out yet another container of mocha. He guzzles it down and spews it into the crowd before crushing the container on his forehead. Again, Clinton has to wait.

Suave: “HEY WAIT A MINUTE! IT’S RAHM-BO! RAHM EMANUEL! F-BOMB TO HANNITY! F-BOMB TO BECK. F-BOMB TO CARD! EMANUEL IS DROPPING F-BOMBS ALL OVER THE PLACE!” Kos drags Fleischer to the middle of the ring. Cover. One. Two. Three. Suave: “THAT’S IT!” Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ begins to play again. Suave: “Al Gore was the distraction. Rahm Emanuel was the hammer. Dropping F-Bombs left and right on both W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad and the Right Wing Brigadiers, Emanuel freed up Daily Kos to score the pin.”

WINNER: ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS

——————

Gina Ramsey comes out. Gina: “Hey y’all. It’s Gina Ramsey with tonight’s PCW Newsline!” She gets a standing ovation from the crowd. Gina: “Let’s see what’s been going on in PCW.”

PCW NEWSLINE

HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING ‘WAR GAMES’ TOMORROW
Tomorrow, HOW will present War Games from Normandy, France. Here’s the card:

  • Spook v Silver Cyanide
  • Chris Kostoff v David Black v Bob Jared v Shocker v Scottywood©
  • LSD Title
  • Michael DeNucci v King Trip Eisen v Trent
  • Marvelous Mario Maurako v Crow
  • Bobbinette “Queen B” Carey v Perfect Paul Paras v Max Kael v Graystone v Christopher America v Shane Reynolds© v Aceldama© v Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal
  • World Title

HOW is part of High Octane Television- an organization PCW will be joining HOTv later this month.

——————–

UPCOMING EVENTS @ http://www.politicalwrestling.wordpress.com :
6/10- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/12- PCW Newsline 6
6/14- PCW on P-SPAN- final Sunday night show until September
6/17- PCW End of the Season Extravaganza

—————————–

Tentative 2009-2010 PCW Schedule of Events Released:
7/29-PCW Night of Champions
9/27-PCW Lock and Load 4
11/9-PCW Night of Champions
12/27-PCW Christmas
1/27-PCW Night of Champions
3/7-PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 3
4/21-PCW Night of Champions
6/6-PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 6

———————

Suave: “Kathryn Randall Collins already in the ring. We are ready for the PCW Women’s Title match. Let’s go to the ring.

Charlene Ann: “This match will be for the PCW Women’s Title. Intoducing first, weighing in at 175 pounds from Chappaqua, New York. She is a member of Progressive Alliance accompanied by Hillary Clinton. She is also a two-time PCW Women’s Champion- Kathryn Randall Collins!”

KRC gets a very well deserved ovation.

Charlene Ann: “Next, weighing in at 204 pounds from Barrow, Alaska. She is a member of SarahPAC and accompanied by Sarah Palin tonight. She is the Eskimo Queen- Kalee Jones!”

Another robust ovation from the crowd.

Charlene Ann: “Weighing in at 125 pounds. She hails from Stuttgart, Germany and is a member of Domination Inc. Accompanied by Porsche Lexus and the rest of Domination Inc.- here is Mercedes!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOO!” Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann carries a nearly resigned expression on his face. The rest of the corporation exude little energy or confidence.

Charlene Ann: “And finally…” The crowd interrupts her with an ovation. Charlene Ann wipes a tear away. Charlene Ann: “…weighing in at 145 pounds from Bowling Green, Ohio. She is a member of American Heartland Coalition and accompanied by Tequila Sheila. She is the PCW Women’s Champion. She is the’ Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl, in her final match here in PCW- Tessa Martin!” A thunderous ovation follows.

Crowd: “PLEASE DON’T GO!…PLEASE DON’T GO! PLEASE DON’T GO!” Suave: “AN INCREDIBLE OVATION FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!” Quick shot to the ring shows KRC and Kalee Jones also clapping. Suave: “THIS IS IT! TONIGHT IS TESSA’S FINAL MATCH IN PCW! HER LONG THREE YEAR JOURNEY ENDS TONIGHT! SHE’S DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL AND MOVING ON WITH HER LIFE. BUT TONIGHT, IT’S ONE LAST DANCE AT HACK’S RUSTY NAIL SALOON. THEY’RE ABOUT READY FOR THE BELL.”

Woman’s Voice: “WAIT A MINUTE. WAIIIIIIT A MINUTE!” The crowd boos. Suave: “Oh, great. It’s the President of the PCW Competition Committee Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi climbs into the ring. Pelosi: “WAIT A MINUTE. WAIIIIIT A MINUTE! Before this match starts, I’m announcing a change in the referee for this match.” Davey Keels leaves. Paul Martin Adams enters. Suave: “WAIT! THAT’S PMA! HE’S GIPPED KALEE JONES OUT OF TWO WINS ALREADY.” Pelosi: “There. Much better.” Pelosi climbs out. PMA calls for the bell.

Bell rings. Suave: “Kalee Jones goes right after Kathryn Randall Collins. Gorilla Press Slam on the floor. Mercedes locks up with the PCW Women’s champion. Guillotine choke on Tessa Martin and the champ is driven to the canvas. Mercedes goes up top. Shooting star press! Cover.” One.Two.Tessa kicks out. Suave: “HEY! QUICK COUNT! THAT WAS A QUICK COUNT! COME ON REF!” Tequila Sheila throws a chair to Mercedes…Tessa kicks the chair into Mercedes’s face! Suave: “THERE WE GO.” Tessa pulls Mercedes up…drop toe hold onto the chair. Tessa hits a fist drop. Mercedes gets up. Tessa does a cartwheel and kicks Mercedes in the face. Mercedes staggers up. Tessa over. Suave: “PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! OKAY. THAT WAS A NORMAL COUNT.”

MERCEDES ELIMINATED

Suave: “This is stunning. Not a peep from Domination Inc.” Domination Inc. again files to the back without incident. Kathryn Randall Collins headbutts Jones. Suave: “KRC tries to lariat Jones. No go on that move. KRC then tries for a German suplex. No go on that. Kalee clotheslines KRC. Now she gets thrown into the turnbuckle. The Eskimo Queen stalks her. Oooh. She rams KRC’s head into the turnbuckle. Now KRC tries pulling the hair. *SMACK* HOLY CRAP! KALEE JONES JUST BACK FISTED KRC ACROSS THE RING!” Tessa hits a hurricana on KRC. Suave: “COVER. ONE…………TWO…KRC KICKS OUT. THIS IS DISGRACEFUL! SLOW COUNT!” Tessa gives the referee an earful. KRC slides in behind her and hits a snap mare on Tessa. Kalee Jones blasts KRC from behind and takes her to the floor.

Suave: “NOW, IT’S BECOMING A SLUGFEST! BACK AND FORTH THEY GO EXCHANGING VICIOUS CHOPS!” The Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Paul Begala run in. Suave: “CARVILLE CLIPS KALEE JONES KNEE!” Begala does the same. KRC whips Kalee into the ring apron and climbs back into the ring. KRC covers.” 1-2-3. Suave: “Aw, no way!”

KALEE JONES IS ELIMINATED

Suave: “KALEE JONES IS PISSED AND SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE! THAT WAS TERRIBLE!” Referee P.M.A. tries to get her to leave the ring. Sarah Palin is shouting at the ref. Suave: “THAT SUCKS. BUT IT’S DOWN TO KRC VERSUS TESSA FOR THE WOMEN’S TITLE.” Kalee reluctantly exits the ring but does not leave the ring area.

Suave: “Single leg takedown by Tessa. KRC responds with elbows. She’s up. Fist drop to Tessa on the floor. KRC follows with a knee drop. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl gets back up. KRC with a jab. Poke to the eye with a thumb. KRC thrust kicks to the head. The champ is down. Cover. 1-2- NO! ANOTHER QUICK COUNT! BUT TESSA GETS THE SHOULDER UP!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “THE CROWD DOESN’T LIKE IT. AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T LIKE IT. THIS IS CRAP!” KRC whips Tessa to the ropes. Suave: “POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION! KRC HAS IT LOCKED IN!” Both women fall near the ropes. Tessa puts her hand on the rope. Referee P.M.A. comes over and removes it. Tessa puts it back on the rope. Again, P.M.A. brushes it off. Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? BREAK THE FREAKIN’ HOLD!” It happens a third time. Kalee comes over and pulls P.M.A. out of the ring. Suave: “THAT WAS THE BREAKING POINT. KALEE JONES HAS P.M.A. UP!” She slams him face first through the ring table. Suave: “ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE!”

Nancy Pelosi comes out. She can’t believe it. ‘The Old War Horse’ John Murtha runs out and gets in Kalee’s face. Murtha pushes Kalee. The Eskimo Queen kicks Murtha in the balls. Suave: “YES! YES! SHE’S GOT MURTHA UP!” She slams him face first onto the floor. Suave: “ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE!”

KRC and Tessa circle. They lock up. Suave: “Tessa sent for the ride. Scoop slam by KRC. KRC up top. Hits the splash from the top turnbuckle! Sharpshooter! But Tessa reverses. Package Piledriver! HOLY CRAP! Yakuza Kick by Tessa. Whip into the ropes. KRC ducks the Pizza Cutter. FULL NELSON SLAM! POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION! SHE’S GOT IT THIS TIME I THINK…TESSA’S FIGHTING…FIGHTING…SHE TAPS! KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS HAS BECOME A THREE TIME PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, and new PCW Women’s Title champion, Kathryn Randall Collins!” KRC and Tessa embrace in the ring to a standing ovation. Crowd: “THANK YOU TESSA (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) THANK YOU TESSA! clap, clap clap-clap-clap) Tessa mouths ‘I love you’ to the crowd and waves. Suave: “KRC is the NEW PCW Women’s champion and Tessa Martin…thanks for everything.” KRC takes the title and exits the ring leaving Tessa to take in the ovation.

E-FEDERATION NEWS FROM THE E-WRESTLING WORLD- highlights, news, and the best from other E-Wrestling Federations.

SWF Folds
Not a week after signing on with High Octane TV, the Superstar Wrestling Federation suddenly shut down all operations last weekend.

No explanation has been given so far but the Titan Zone has reported that a possible merger with the Future Wrestling League could be in the works.The bigger question is what does HOTv do now. If the SWF merges with the FWL, will that organization take SWF’s spot? We probably won’t find out until after High Octane Wrestling’s War Games pay per view show takes place on June 8th.

LEGACY OF CHAMPIONS RETURNS
LoC returned with a big prime time show May 31st. Violence 31 featured Shawn Hart defeating Kenshiro Inogami for the Legacy Championship.

SIMCOE COUNTY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING RETURNS
The SCCW also returned with Aggression on Monday night headlined by a wild tag team main event between S&M and Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and Rayne Young. S&M scored the win when Scarlett hit Young with a reverse DDT and Patrick McCarthy followed with a Leap of Faith for the victory.

GWO’s FIRST SHOW
The first edition of Genocidal Wrestling Organization’s “GWO Punishment!” hit the airwaves May 31st with the crowning of the first GWO Global Champion ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg who pins Tommy Glass to win the title.

POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING
On PCW On P-SPAN: Big Oil/Kirk Walstreit and Cadillac/Jaguar advanced on to the PCW Tag Team Title Match at PCW’s upcoming PPV Loose Cannons Unleashed 5.

PCW Extreme Political TV: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and the Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter defeats Code Pink and Janeane Garofalo in a knock down drag out preview of Garofalo’s upcoming showdown with Coulter.

FANS WRESTLING ORGANIZATION
In a hardcore classic on FWO reAction, High Flyer defeated Krow to become the new FWO World Champion.

DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION
Miss USA retains the DWF Women’s title by defeating Caroline Kelly with the Patriot Missile dropkick.Team Danger’s Tyrone Walker survives a 17 man Mini Dream Rumble. Next week, he and fellow Team Danger member Stephen Greer will meet in a ‘rock, paper, scissors’ match to decide who gets to meet the winner of Dark/Eric Payne for the DWF Heavyweight title.

HOSTILITY WRESTLING FEDERATION
At Hostility’s South of Heaven PPV:-Don Tiago and Ronnie McNeil are named Hostility’s first Tag Team champions-’Beautiful’ Bobby Dean defeats Hostility Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe, AirStrife, Ronnie McNeil, and Alexander Anarchy to become the new Extreme Champion-Xander Daniels wins the Hostility Aversion title in an Inferno Match with previous champion Hooligan.-Steven Steele pins Hostility Champion Talon when Chris Bond on the champion and Steele hits his Foreplay finisher to win the title.

PRO WRESTLING FURY
Pro Wrestling Fury held its Dream + Infinite IV show this past weekend with a whopping 14 match card highlighted by Ryo Inoue’s successful F-MAX Unified Heavyweight defense against “Mr. 300″ Kazuma Fujita, Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe winning the F-MAX Tag Team title, and Hiroaki Nakata winning the WWA National Heavyweight champion.

————————-

E-WRESTLER OF THE WEEK:

5. ‘Totally Bored’ Hyan Borg- Genocidal Wrestling Organization.
Borg’s gimmick is one of the best in E-Wrestling (in our opinion) and he defeats Tommy Glass to become the first GWO champion.

4. Hiroaki Nakata- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Defeated Tatsumichi Akamatsu to become the 20th WWA National Heavyweight Champion at Dream + Infinite IV.

3. “Beautiful” Bobby Dean – Hostility
Defeated Extreme Champion Roxy Monroe and three other wrestlers to claim the Hostility Extreme title at South of Heaven.

2. Xander Daniels- Hostility
Defeated Hostility Aversion champion Hooligan in an Inferno match to become the new Aversion champion.

1. Akira Takayoshi & Naoyuki Watanabe- Pro-Wrestling Fury
Won the F-Max Tag Team title at Dream + Infinite IV from TAKU & Mastodon Fukuda in a 4 1/2 star spectacular.

————————–

Suave: “Back to the ring.”

Charlene Ann: “It’s time for our next match. On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 235 pounds, from Toledo, OH, a member of Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance, it’s Quadruple R- Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson!” Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suave: “Randy’s still not very liked here…can’t imagine why.”

Charlene Ann: “His opponent weighs in tonight at 245 pounds. From Ottumwa, Iowa, a member of Progressive Alliance, and accompanied by Rahm Emanuel, it’s Starz N. Stripes!” The crowd cheers. Suave: “Okay. Starz vs. Quad R. The stipulation in this match is pretty simple: if Starz loses, he’s going to get waterboarded at Club Gitmo. If Starz wins, he gets 15 minutes with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo. These two have met several times in the past couple years. Their latest match was three weeks ago on PCW Extreme Political TV. Starz looked very good and Quad R seemed rusty in that match. Quad R attacked Starz last week and that’s why we’re here tonight.”

MATCH #7
STARZ N. STRIPES w/Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘QUAD R’ RANDY ROAD RAGE RICHARDSON (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)

The bell sounds. Quad R comes out quickly and kicks Starz N. Stripes in the groin. Suave: “Quadruple R going low early on. But Starz legsweeps ‘Road Rage’ right back. Rake to the face by Starz. A SECOND LOW BLOW BY QUAD R! BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX BY QUAD R AND STARZ IS HURTING NOW!” Quad R throws Starz to the floor. He then flings Starz to the ring steps. Suave: “The edge of the ring steps cut Starz N. Stripes like a blade. Starz N. Stripes is bleeding big time. Quad R with a huge gutbuster and Starz is in trouble. Quad R hits Starz with the back of his elbow. Starz responds with a reverse atomic drop. Starz is going for the piledriver… YES! He piledrives Quad R right into the floor.

Both men move back into the ring. Suave: “Starz hits a swinging bulldog. Quad R rakes the eyes and hits a backward kick. Quad R follows with a running powerbomb on to the mat. Starz back to his feet. BIG OIL AND KIRK WALSTREIT INSIDE THE RING.” Big Oil grabs Starz from behind and hits a fall away slam. Suave: “Starz not ready for that one. Now he’s in serious trouble as Quad R takes him up to the top rope.” Table now set up outside the ring. POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!”

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Justin Sufferable run to the ring. Escondido finds Quad R in the corner of the ring. Escondido tries to lift Quad R for a Powerslam but is unable to lift. Big Oil punches Starz N. Stripes repeatedly. Big Oil hooks Starz N. Stripes’s arms….Double Underhook Powerbomb on an open chair! Suave: “It’s gotten a bit loose in there. Justin Sufferable clotheslines Quad R. Sufferable with a chair *CLANG* Chairshot to Quad R. Kirk Walstreit sends Starz to the corner of the ring. Walstreit opens up another chair and then whips Starz into the ropes…Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair! RAHM EMANUEL’S IN THE RING. Clotheslines to Quad R. Now raking the face of Quad R.”

Starz N. Stripes grabs him. He spins him upside down. Suave: “He’s going for the piledriver…..YES! Cover! One. Two. Three!”

Charlene Ann: “The winner of this match, Starz N. Stripes!” Suave: “And you know what that means…15 minutes alone with Dick Cheney at Club Gitmo!” Escondido and PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama drag Dick Cheney to Club Gitmo. Dick tries to get away but Escondido and Bahama have things well under control. They take Dick inside followed by Starz N. Stripes. The doors close.

——————

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein walks to the ring carrying a large box. Bernstein: “Okay. I have some breaking news to report. I have in my possession a copy of some x-rays taken earlier today of Domination Inc’s Seven Foot Tall Weapon of Mass Destruction Big Monster Wahlie. It appears BMW has a severe neurological problem that he has received treatment for the past two years. Any bump or several movement or trauma can cause him to black out instantly.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT PRETTY MUCH MEANS BMW’S CAREER IS OVER ALREADY!”

This brings out Domination Inc. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and a fuming CFO Gordon Guyko. Guyko: “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU SPENT WELL OVER A MILLION DOLLARS ON A WRESTLER WHO CAN’T WRESTLE? THAT’S IT! WE’RE THROUGH! I’M PULLING MY INVESTORS AND YOU’RE DONE.” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Guyko’s pulling out. Guyko’s pulling out! WE ARE WATCHING THE DISINTEGRATION OF DOMINATION INC.!”

McMann: “Bring him out now!” Guyko: “He can’t wrestle!” McMann: “Sure he can. I said bring him out.”

*Def’ Leppard’s Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

Suave: “HOLD IT A SEC! IS HE BACK?” The Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot appears. WTF has a microphone. WTF: “Mr. McMann, he’s not wrestling!: The crowd stands and cheers. McMann: “I said for you to go get BMW.” WTF: “Ain’t happening.” McMann: “I’m not asking you…I’m telling you.” WTF: “What I’m saying is there’s no way in hell he’s wrestling tonight or ever again.” McMann is taken aback. McMann: “How do YOU know?” WTF: “Because, Mr. McMann. I’M THE MOLE!” The crowd explodes. Crowd: “What the f***! What the f***!” Suave: “IT WAS HIM! THE MOLE WAS WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT ALL ALONG AND McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” McMann stands, mouth agape, completely still. McMann stares off into space. Suave: “HE’S IN A STATE OF COMPLETTE SHOCK! THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE END OF THIS YET. WE’LL SEE YOU WEDNESDAY NIGHT WITH MORE FROM PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED. SEE YOU THEN.

Final Card for PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas

-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)

-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

-Red Title Match: ‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

-Blue Title Match-Last Man Standing: Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D),  Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D),  ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Brought to you by:

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

Newt Says Uncle/Obama Announces New Titles

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Recap
Huntington Civic Center
Huntington, WV
Thursday April 26th, 2012

PCW Extreme Political TV Main Event: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The bell rang and Gingrich, to his credit, took the fight right to Tanaka and promptly ate a powerbomb.

Tanaka, to his credit, dispensed with the gratiutious destruction of Mr. Gingrich and merely dragged him up to the top rope for the cursery Japanese SuperDestroyer. With Gingrich splayed out on the mat, Tanaka put his foot on Gingrich’s chest and the referee could have counted to three hundred and the result would have been the same.

Newt Gingrich (R-GA) hobbles out and talks with the ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave.

Gingrich: Fine.  I’m suspending my campaign.  Are you happy now?

Then Gingrich limps off.

(1) World B. Peace def. PBR w/Chief
PBR is about to hit the Blue Ribbon Blast when Peace snaps ands elbows PBR in the head, knocking him out cold.  Peace makes the cover for the easy pin.

PCW CEO Barack Obama Addresses World B. Peace
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.

Obama says he wants to address the whole World B. Peace thing.

Last Night: World B. Peace vs. Richard Headd of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames.
Peace swept into PCW earlier in the night with a message of love and peace. Then Headd accidently collided with him and Peace uncorked a nasty elbow to the back of his head and knocked him out cold for the win.

Peace then apologized afterwards and blamed the incident on a sudden outbreak of acne that irritated his face.

Suave: You mean to tell me that the reason he decked him with that elbow is because World Peace broke out?

Biden takes the microphone and says it’s time to heed the timeless advice from Teddy Roosevelt: ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick.’ End of quote.

Biden: I promise you, the president has a big stick.

Pause for the requisite flurry of snickering from the crowd.

Obama: Joe, don’t say that.

More snickering from the crowd.

Obama then announces that ‘he’s had enough’ of the extreme nonsense in PCW.  First, he’s suspending World Peace for two weeks. 

Suave: Wait.  Can someone actually suspend World Peace?  Well, besides actually declaring war and such…

Obama then clarifies that he’s suspending the wrestler- World B. Peace.  Then he turns to the big announcement. 

Obama: Tonight, just like the NFL is doing in New York, PCW is having a draft.  Democrats and Republicans will get to choose wrestlers to compete for the “Blue” belt (Democrats) and the “Red” belt (Republicans). 

Obama added as a special treat, the draftees also get to go to Saturday night’s ‘nerd prom’ aka the White House Correspondents Dinner

Backstage, PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein asked Obama spokesperson Jay Carney what about the Independents and those not drafted.  Carney shrugged and walked away.

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

In the ring, PCW CEO Obama stands behind a podium a la NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell with Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to the left of him and Republican Leader Rance Priebus to the right.

The draft then began…

PCW Draft
Round One:
Democrats- PCW Champion The Sanderman; Republicans- Yamamoto Tanaka

Round Two:
Republicans- Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker; Democrats- Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker with Union Maid

Round Three:
Democrats- Kathryn Randall Collins; Republicans- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas

Round Four:
Republicans- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit; Democrats- Felcher and Felcher- Extreme Attorneys

Round Five:
Democrats- Green World Order: “Radishing” Rick Rube- Agronomist, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA; Republicans- Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe.

Round Six:
Republicans- Kalee Jones- Eskimo Queen and Lani Harlot; Democrats- Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily S. List

Round Seven:
Democrats- PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism; Republicans- Arizona Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

The first seven rounds provided little drama.  It was the final round that raised a few eyebrows.

Round Eight:
Republicans- RINO- The Wonk Machine

Suave noted that Mitt Romney’s influence may have pushed that pick. 

Then the Democrats stunned everyone.

Democrats- former PCW Champion Daniel-San.

As Daniel-San walked up to the podium, John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives attacked and set off a brawl between the Republicans and Democrats.

Final PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville Card

 

Rematch- Women’s Division #1 Contender Match
‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Smith and Collins had an epic battle Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN and KRC picked up the win with a little tug on Smith’s tights. Smith vows to even the score next Sunday night in a match that current PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) will be keeping close tabs on.

Grudge Match #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) and Average Joe (Tea Party) vs. The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex and CEO Gordon Guyko

Blackwell and Big Union have fought for several months over just who is the crusader for the middle class. Big Union has been fighting with Corporate Might over just about everything. The feuds converge into this three way tag team dance. Who will come out ahead- Big Union backed by the Democrats? Corporate Might backed by the Republicans? Or Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe?

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match-Three Way Dance:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

Well, at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville the feud between the Korver Sisters and Merchants of Death was already going to explode. Adding the always dangerous Mercenaries to the mix?

Grudge Match #2
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) vs. Current TV’s Keith Olbermann (D)

They’re on the cover of the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville. It’s fitting that Palin and Olbermann have another epic match at the J vs. P PPV.

PCW Men’s Tag Team Title Match:
(c) Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt

Big Union won the title from Ron Paul’s protegees on November 21nd. The Schmidt Brothers, three time holders of the PCW Tag Team Titles, shoot for a fourth title reign at J vs. P.

Grudge Match #3
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I)

Chism has held multiple titles in PCW. Valora has held multiple titles in various promotions. Does Chism truly know what he’s getting himself into? Or will Valora be overmatched by Chism and his political friends.

The Final Republican Rumble of 2011
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
Farmer John (R) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)

PCW Title Match:
(c) Daniel-San (I) vs. Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

The bellwether match headed into 2012. Nuff said.

Herman Cain’s Smokin’ New Ad: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Ohio University Convocation Center
Athens, OH
Friday October 28th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX) vs. Jay F. Kennedy (D) of the Massachusetts Bluebloods w/John Kerry (D-MA)

Jack gets a much needed victory over JFK and starts to rebuild his resume to make another run at the PCW Title.

WINNER: Texas Jack (R) @ 6:06

BACKSTAGE
Security tries to keep PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Aide de Camp Joe Biden (D-DE) and Human Events Editor Jason Mattera (Conservative) separated.

Biden shouts out “Don’t screw around with me.  Do you know who I @#$@-ing am?  Mattera responds that Biden is a “blue-collar poser” and then called the “union goons” Biden made the rape reference in front of “parasites on the system.”

Biden threatens to have Mattera investigated by calling the press office to discuss the incident and whether any rules were broken by Mattera.

Security finally gets the two separated.

Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA (D) in the ring and they’re ranting and raving over the ‘Smoking Video.’  Suave wonders what the hell he’s talking about.  Lee says play the video…

Suave: “Oh.  Interesting.  I wonder how THAT’s going to go over.”

Of course, the GWO is totally up in arms about someone smoking in public and demand that the Cain campaign take it down.  They are joined by…

Soccer Mom (D) and New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D).  Soccer Mom also calls for the ad to come down and yells, “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!”  Thomas-Taylor also concurs.

Joining Suave at the broadcast table: David Brooks (R) of the New York Times and syndicated columnist Mark Shields (D).  Suave asks Brooks about the ad.

Brooks: ““My heart melts for that smile.  I just I like it. Everybody is going crazy, ‘Oh, it’s terrible.’ First of all, that guy Mark Block, that guy — I went into journalism to hang around guys like that. I thought it would be fun to hang around ne’er-do-wells like that.”

Suave: “Really?  What about the smoking?”

Brooks: “And, you know, I don’t mind the smoking.  I like film noir, Humphrey Bogart. Lauren Bacall smoked a lot. I think it’s fine, but people are going crazy about it.”

Suave turns to Shields and is equally surprised by his response.

Shields: “I couldn’t agree more.  I have to say that I`m so tired of the formula political ad, the candidate with the jacket over the shoulder, the two beautiful kids, and the dog walking into the sunset, you know, with jaw jutting.”

After praising it from diverting from the typical political ad format, Shield’s added:  “This is totally – it’s authentic,” he said. “It’s natural, it’s non-formulaic. And it’s completely consistent with Herman Cain’s absolutely eccentric campaign. And authentic and eccentric, I would say that those are the two … the cigarette smoking. People smoke cigarettes. They do. We kind of deny it, I guess, in public buildings, but people do.”

The GWO take offense at at that and attack both Shields and Brooks.  Suave gets out of the way.  Josh Jackson climbs top rope and splashes the GWO.

A referee appears- it’s another impromptu match.

COMMERICAL BREAK

MATCH #4
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA) vs. ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee of the GWO (D) w/GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA and Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy

No ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin tonight in Jackson’s corner.

The numbers game favors the Democrats.  But no one thought this would happen…

…Lee, GreenPete, and PeaceNick pound away at Jackson in the corner.  Lee sets Jackson up for his finisher- ‘The Juicer’ when…

Dennis Miller (R)?  Dennis freakin’ Miller shows up.  Peta gets in his grill and starts shouting at him, calling him a ‘turncoat’ for switching parties.  Miller gets off a line with an obscure, esoteric reference about the GWO being so far to the left that..” they nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.”

Peta: “Huh?”

Miller: “Hey, Cunningham — Andy Warhol called. You’re at 14:55 and we’re tickin’ big-time here, Chachi.”

Of course, Peta looks totally confused and the others become distracted.  Out of nowhere, Jackson hits the Pizza Cutter on Lee and sets him up for the 9-9-9.    By the time the GWO realizes what’s happened, Jackson has the legs hooked…1…2…3.

WINNER: ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) @ 6:40

OUT AND ABOUT
The OWS still seek out those who were the once 99%, now down to 47%.  But they keep get plugging on, asking a middle class family at a store if they were with them or with the 1%.  Again, the answer given is:  ‘neither’ and the OWS Skulks away.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) comes out to defend his decision to go around the PCW Competition Committee to disband the ‘King of Extreme’ Title held by Ann Coulter (R) and create the PCW Men’s title.

Suave scoffs and wonders if a Democrat held the belt would he felt the say.

Obama blames Republicans on the Competition Committee “who won’t work with him” and says many of changes PCW faces ‘can’t wait.’

The Leader of the PCW Competition Committee John Boehner (R-OH) walks out and tells Obama fine.  Boehner immediately books another title match for the new PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)- against ‘The Right Reverend’ Randy Richardson (R).

Richardson, the former Triple R and longtime member of the Democrats, has a huge grudge against Chism.  He comes out with the God Squad: Reverend Oral Hinnrich, Pastor Buddy Flambe, and Sister Mary Marlboro (R).

Richardson: “Challenge accepted.”

Chism walks out wagging his finger.  Just like CEO Obama says, he states, we don’t begrudge anyone wealth or success — we encourage it.  Chism says PCW is better off when everyone has had the chance to get ahead — not just the Republicans.  So, he calls out his next opponent…

A man is led to the ring.

Chism: “This is Bobby Harper.  He’s unemployed.  And I’m giving him a chance to win the PCW Men’s Champion.”

MATCH #5
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe vs. Bobby Harper (I)

This is, of course, no contest.  Chism toys with the unemployed person before hitting the Hollywood Blockbuster for the pin.

WINNER AND STILL PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 2:46

Can You Hear the People Sing?‘ from the musical Les Miserables plays and out comes Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Party.  Blackwell takes exception to Chism’s treatment of Harper and charges the ring with Mike the Mechanic and Shiela the Secretary.

Chism slips out the back door and leaves the SRB in the ring as a buffer.  Blackwell climbs in the ring and is greeted by all three of the Skanky Rich Bimbos ripping off their tops.

Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!”

Shiela fires up the portable generator and uses the jumper cables to zap Chloe with them.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

The other two members of the SRB eject themselves from the ring and also race to the back.

PCW on Attack Watch: PCW Week in Review

Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
PCW CEO Barack Obama’s office
One half of the Political Pitbulls, James Carville (D-LA), is halfway out the door.

Carville: “…if you want to save your job, this is what you should do.  Fire somebody. No – fire a lot of people,  really.  Do it now.  Before it’s too late.”

End of PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Attack Watch comes out and gets in the ring with Blackwell.  Blackwell, backed by his Les Miserables, doesn’t back down.  Attack Watch smiles and attacks Blackwell.  The Les Miserables try to help but Attack Watch swats them away and then tosses them out of the ring.  Blackwell gets rammed headfirst into the corner turnbuckle and he’s woozy.  Attack Watch then whips him across the ring headfirst into the other corner turnbuckle.

This brings out ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.  Escondido and AW trade punches.  AW kicks Escondido in the groin and then piledrives him.

This brings out Blackwell’s wife, Kenzie.  She pulls Escondido out of the ring and then tries to pull Charlie out.  Attack Watch stops her.  She yells at him and he pulls Kenzie into the ring.   Attack Watch lifts her over his shoulder…JACK KNIFE POWERBOMB!

McGillicutty is livid and starts shouting at AW to stop.  She then takes off running when Attack Watch comes towards her and that’s where the show ends.

Obama for PCW 2012 field director Jeremy Bird states that the goal is to fight back against attacks from GOP presidential contenders Mitt Romney and Rick Perry and conservative commentator Glenn Beck.   Bird adds Attack Watch is here in PCW to “support the truth” and “fight the smears.”  When asked if that meant taking out PCW TV commentator Johnny Suave,  Beck, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, Independent Charlie Blackwell, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Blackwell’s wife Kenzie?, Bird deferred to deputy press secretary Katie Hogan who said, “Attack Watch is a tool providing our supporters with the vehicle they need to fight back against lies and distortions about PCW CEO’s record.”

The card for PCW Lock and Load next week:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. TBA

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs TBA

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

After being left out in the cold by the retirement of the PCW Television title belt and denied an automatic entry into the Lock and Load Tournament, Daniel-San (I) took matters into his own hands and won his way into the tournament by defeating both of Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R) and Triple R (D) Monday night.

Daniel-San faces the reigning PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) in the first match of the night.  Tanaka is wrestling in his final PCW show before heading back to Japan.  A quick retrospective of the career of Yamamoto Tanaka in PCW:

First, Tanaka’s first title win…

Tanaka had been on the trail of ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism for several weeks before scoring a three-way match for the title along with Khalid-El.  After the Iranian was dispatched, Tanaka destroyed Chism to win the PCW Title.

Suave: “Tanaka’s first title reign would be surprisingly short thanks to a boycott of PCW’s Kingman, Arizona house show by the Democrats over Arizona’s enaction of a controversial immigration law.  Tanaka no-showed the event and under PCW rules he forfeited the title to Average Joe.”

Tanaka’s second title win…

Tanaka regained the PCW Title at Loose Cannons Unleashed 6 in an epic battle with Average Joe that lasted 11 hours and three days.

Suave: PCW Extreme Election Night 2010, the phenomenon known as Jill- Berg got her shot against Tanaka for the PCW title.  Tanaka came out for the match looking as if he’d been hit by a truck.   It was clear from the outset that something had taken place in the back before the match from the sluggish manner Tanaka moved in the ring.   Berg won in 41 seconds.  Then Triple R (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) both came out and took responsibility for the attack on Tanaka to get him out the way so one of them could win the PCW Title.

Tanaka’s third title win…

March 27, 2011 – In a wild match, Tanaka defeated Kevin Scott at PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction to become a three time PCW Champion.

Replay: Monday night:
California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I)
…Escondido in control with a Boston Crab on Malibu Dusty.  Then two men rush the ring and assault Blackwell and Escondido.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  It’s the Longshoremen, Pete and Russell, from Longview, Washington.  We knew they were coming to PCW but not this soon!”

Malibu Dusty rolls Escondido over and gets the easy pinfall.

Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D).
This one never got started.  The Longshoremen (D) came back out again and attacked Big Oil and Walstreit.  After what went down with Independents Blackwell and Escondido earlier,  the entire Republican roster came out to take them on and it was just a bloody chaotic mess.

Suave states that now the PCW Competition Committee will have to decide how to handle this.

The PCW Competition Committee has made their decision and it will be a three way dance Monday night for the #1 contender’s spot and a shot at the PCW Tag Team title at Lock and Load next week.  So Monday night’s main event will be:

California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D)

The match may come down to the interference of the Longshoremen (D) who arrived in PCW with the same subtlety that Attack Watch did Thursday night…

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein tries to interview The Longshoremen.  Bernstein barely gets a word out and Russell and Pete attack him with f-bombs and other unpleasantries.  Finally, they lift Bernstein and give him the ‘ShipWreck’ on the floor and leave.

Other News:

1) Two wins for Republicans:
Bob Turner (R-NY) vs. David Weprin (D-NY)
Turner controlled the match for most of the way.  The finish came when…

…Weprin looking for a top rope powerbomb…Turner turns it into a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin…1…2…3.

Kate Marshall (D-NV) vs. Mark Amodei (R-NV)
This one wasn’t even close…

…Marshall walks over to Amodei and slaps him.   Amodei slaps on the sleeper hold.  The ref checks on Marshall!  He checks the arm! Once…twice…three times it falls.  He calls for the bell.

2) ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) reaffirmed his #1 Republican status
Scott also helped give Mitt Romney (R-MA) a boost.

Monday night during the Republican Rumble in Tampa
Scott vs. Texas Jack…again.   Back and forth.  Texas Jack to the top!  Scott stops him and gets a chair.  He smashes Jack with the chair, cover for 2.   Texas Jack gets a hold of the chair and blasts Scott with it.  Scott’s busted open.  Jack takes some of Scott’s blood and paints it on his face and chest war-paint style.  Jack with the chair again, swings, misses, and gets the ref instead.  Jack drills Scott with the chair again.  He goes for the pin…no ref! Jack covers again as ref is now up.  Scott kicks out.  They trade near falls and rollups before Jack gets caught in the American Stars and Fujiwama Arm Bar.  Jack passes out and gives Scott the win.

Tuesday Night at a PCW house show
…Texas Jack goes to the top, but Huntsman runs over and hits him with a campaign placard. Texas Jack no sells, does the 450 splash anyway.   Perry pulls Huntsman on Walker and Texas Jack hits both.   Texas Jack spears Walker through a table in the corner.   Cover…1…2…3.

3) The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I) aim for title
McGill and Kovalevski took a big step forward towards a PCW Women’s Tag Team title shot after defeating two other teams Thursday night.

…McGill and Kovalevski tie Code Pink to the TREE OF WOE and put a chair in front of her face.   Double baseball slide into the chair and Pink topples off the turnbuckle.

James and Rowe set Emily List up for…THE TARANTULA!  Rowe flips over the top rope and locks it in.   McGill covers Pink…1…2…3.  Women For Women Eliminated.

Chaos everywhere.  Kovalevski goes for top rope stunner.  Reversed by James.   James for her finisher…but Kovalevski grabs her…TWO HANDED FACE CLAW!  Rowe in the ring.  McGill tackles her…KATAHAJIME!  James taps.

PCW Rankings

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Callie Urban (D)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#2- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#3- Daniel-San (I)
#4- Texas Jack (R)
#5- Charlie Blackwell (I)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#2- Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#3- Big Labor/Triple R (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Valora Salinas (I)
#4- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#5- Jackie Daniels (I)

PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey Korver (D)
#2- The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#3- The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
#4- Women For Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
#5- The Pinups: Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe (I)

PCW KING OF EXTREME CHAMPION: Keith Olbermann (D)
#1- ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter (R)
#2- Glenn Beck (R)
#3-  Ed Schultz (D)
#4- Andrew Breitbart (R)
#5- Janeane Garofalo (D)

Big Labor vs. The Tea Party: 9/8-PCW Politics Is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
Ventura County Fairgrounds
Santa Barbara, CA
Thursday September 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomes everyone to a rare PCW show in California.  He recaps the escalating war of words between the Big Labor forces and the Tea Party.

Video package Teamster  James Hoffa’s remarks on Labor Day.  Hoffa goes after the Tea Party big time and then, with PCW CEO Barack Obama set to come out later, says…

Hoffa: ‘Mr. Obama, This Is Your Army. We Are Ready to March. Let’s Take These Son of Bitches Out’..

Later on that day, Obama’s aide de camp, Joe Biden, had this to say to an AFL-CIO rally:  “You Are The Only Folks Keeping The Barbarians From the Gates’…and “The middle class is under attack because the labor movement is under attack.”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein has Obama spokesperson Jay Carney with him.

Bernstein asks him why Obama hasn’t commented on Hoffa’s remarks.  Carney: “I understand that there is a ritual in Washington that, you know, somebody says something, and you link the associations, and then everybody who has an association with him or her has to avow or disavow. The President wasn’t there, he wasn’t on the stage, he didn’t speak for another twenty minutes, he didn’t hear it. I really don’t have any comment beyond that.”

Bernstein then reminded him that when Cincinnati radio host Bill Cunningham spoke before then PCW CEO candidate John McCain and said some very intemperate things about CEO Obama, the McCain campaign apologized.  What’s the difference here?  Carney: Mr. Hoffa speaks for himself, he speaks for the labor movement, AFL-CIO.   CEO Obama speaks for himself, I speak for the CEO. What the CEO was glad to do yesterday was the opportunity to present his views on the importance of working Americans, and on the importance of taking measures to help working Americans, to create jobs and grow the economy.”

Finally, Bernstein asks if Obama found the comments appropriate.  Carney: “Can we just move on, please?”

Suave: “Oh, puh-leeze.  So, am I correct to restate that because Barack Obama wasn’t on stage when Hoffa, Jr., introduced him in this fashion, he shouldn’t comment on it although Obama did praise Hoffa, Jr., once he started his speech?  Yet Sarah Palin (R-AK), Rush Limbaugh (R-FL), et al., who had nothing at all to do with Loughner shooting Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) were vehemently blamed for inciting violence with what they said?   Ok, Obama didn’t say it. But of course he was there. And if he was not on stage, he was certainly on deck. And the question is not whether he’s willing to take it back but whether he is willing to disavow that PORTION of the introduction. Thanks for telling us “no,” Mr. Carney.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The Terrapin walks out in…well…you see…

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”

MATCH #1
The Terrapin (I) vs. James the Jeep Worker (D) w/Union Maid
-James the Jeep Worker comes out with new valet, Union Maid.
-The Terrapin comes out in what appears to be the Maryland state flag wrapped around someone. 

…To the corner, reversal and a back elbow by James.  Clothesline to the Terrapin by Union Maid.  James covers for 2.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  WHAT’S SHE DOING OUT HERE?”

‘She’ is…


PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas

Suave recaps last week on PCW Extreme Political TV, when Valora took out the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism’s (D)  Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe, Chism, and Triple R (D) after the Chism-Triple R match.

Suave: “We know she’s mad because the Democrats chose PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) over her.  We know she’s pissed off at the Republicans for the Triple Threat’s interference in one of her matches.  The question on everyone’s mind is: what exactly does she want?”

Valora​ makes her way out to the ring.  Union Maid tries to stop her on the floor, and argues with her.   Valora pretends she’s going to leaves, turns around, and blasts Union Maid in the head with a lead pipe.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Valora in and goes up top…she blasts The Terrapin with the lead pipe from behind.  James back in and tries to steal a win.  He rolls him up for 2- broken up when Valora drills him in the back with the pipe.    She whips James to the corner, boot by Valora.  Up top and a leaping sidekick connects.  Valora flips him off and leaves.

RESULT: No contest @ 6:15

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein has the “Alaskan Pitbull” Sarah Palin in the back.  Bernstein asks her about James Hoffa, Jr.’s remarks.

Palin: “What I have to say is for the hard working, patriotic, selfless union brothers and sisters in Michigan and throughout our country: Please don’t be taken in by union bosses’ thuggery like Jim Hoffa represented yesterday. Union bosses like this do not have your best interests at heart. What they care about is their own power and re-electing their friend Barack Obama so he will take care of them to the detriment of everyone else.”

Suave wonders aloud what the difference is between what Hoffa said and the targets on Sarah Palin’s Facebook?   Suave: “Not much.”

Suave announces tonight’s main event: a six man tag match between Big Labor and the Tea Party.

MATCH #2
Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (R) vs. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
-This is McGill and Kovalevski’s coming out party
-Women for Women have also worked together before. 

…Kovalevski and List in, Kovalevski tosses List to the floor. Kovalevski to the floor, and McGill hits the heat-seeking missile on List.  Kovalevski back in, and nails s with a dive and they brawl up the ramp. Code Pink in, up top, and gets a clothesline to Kovalevski.  Dump suplex connects, and Pink looks for the moneymaker, countered, and Kovalevski rolls her up for the win.

FINISH: McGill/Kovalevski @ 9:52

Triple R (D), Arianna Huffington, and Markos Moulitsas come out.  Triple R kills the ref on the floor and hits the ring to brawl with McGill and Kovalevski.  McGill hits elbows to Triple R in the corner.  Kovalevski nails a charging knee in the corner.  Triple R bails and McGill follows. They continue to brawl on the floor.  McGill sets for the big splash.  Triple R shoves the ref in the way.  Triple R gets a chair and nails McGill in the back with it.  Triple R then blasts Kovalevski with it and the Republicans come out to protect The Mercenaries.

Triple R leaves with Huffington and Markos, saying he is the baddest man on the planet.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

*flute and clarinet flourish*

PCW BARACK OBAMA’S SPEECH
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet?  Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.  The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.  Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.

Obama introduces the “PCW Jobs Act,” that represents his attempt to jump-start PCW’s momentum that has slowed nearly to a halt in recent months.  The CEO says PCW should pass this bill right away.

Obama: “The purpose of the PCW Jobs Act is simple: to put more money in the pockets of our workers.   It will provide a jolt to our company that has stalled, and give us confidence that if they work hard, there will be opportunities for our products and services.  You should pass this jobs plan right away.”

Obama adds that he feels it’s the right balance, the right mix in getting money into people’s pockets.  We have very important initiatives to get people to work. … We have faith in our program. We think it will have very significant impact on PCW’s growth.

Obama leaves but comes back with one more thought, “You should pass this bill…right away!”

After Obama leaves, there’s a musical interlude.


Former Skanky Rich Bimbo Paris Hilton

Hilton appears behind a turntable as PCW has a musical interlude.

Suave: “What the hell?  Paris Hilton?  House DJ?”

Hilton: “I’ve got a house album coming out.  No woman has ever taken over in this arena … and I want to become that person.  I want to be the Queen of House Music.”

Suave does a little chair dancing.

Suave: “She’s not bad…the beat’s catchy.”

Valora runs out with her lead pipe and clocks Hilton with it.

Valora: “Queen of House Music?  I am the Queen of Extreme!”

Then she trashes the turntable and totally wrecks the sound system.

MATCH #3
Jackie Daniels (I) w/Jill Berg vs. Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen of the Triple Threat (R)
-Jackie is looking to build on an impressive challenge to PCW Women’s champion Callie Urban (D) and takes on another up and comer in Kalee Jones.

…Daniels takes Jones down and gets the bridging reverse STF.  The Eskimo Queen uses her power to get the ropes.  Jones works the abdominal stretch now.  Daniels escapes, boot to Jones and sticks her with a DDT.  She covers…Daniels kicks out at 2.  Daniels to the 2nd rope now, fist drop connects.  Daniels is limping, and Jones nails a spin kick.  She spins Daniels around and hits the Eskimo Pieface.  Cover…1…2…3.

RESULTS: Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen @ 8:17

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW CEO Barack Obama in back with a message, “You should pass this bill right away!”

MATCH #4–Republican Rumble
’Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson- representing Herman Cain
’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- representing Mitt Romney
Jack Schmidt- representing Ron Paul
Texas Jack- representing Rick Perry
Dann Armey- representing Rick Santorum
Average Joe- representing Michele Bachmann
Brad Company- representing Newt Gingrich
Jamie Walker- representing Jon Huntsman

Before the bell, Valora Salinas (I) again attacks.  She takes out Brad Company, Dann Armey, and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson with a lead pipe.  Security runs down and drags her away from the ring.

Union Maid (D) runs down and tackles Valora to the floor.  Rights by Union Maid.   Valora slams Union Maid to the apron.   Union Maid whips her into the ring steps.  Again, security tries to get in between the two and pull them apart.

In the ring…side back breaker by Scott to Jack Schmidt.  Dump suplex follows and Average Joe clotheslines Schmidt over the top rope.  Jack Schmidt eliminated.

Kicks to the chest of Walker by Scott.  Walker grabs Scott, Scott counters, and a backdrop by Walker.  Clothesline by Walker follows, and then he runs into a dropkick by Texas Jack. Kicks by Jack, chops follow.  Texas Jack counters the leg sweep, and gets a neck breaker.  He heaves Walker over the top rope.  Jamie Walker eliminated.

Monkey flip by Scott sends Average Joe across the ring.  He hits and flips over the top rope.  Average Joe eliminated.

Scott kicks Texas Jack in the head.  Jack fires back with stiff right hands and they trade shots.  Suplex try by Scott, countered, and a neck breaker by Texas Jack.  Cravat by Texas Jack.  Scott to his feet, he escapes and lays in the rights to Texas Jack.  Scott then slams Texas Jack to the steel post and Jack falls to the floor.  Texas Jack eliminated.

RESULT: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) @ 16:46

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #5- Big Labor vs. Tea Party- six man tag match
‘The Self Styled Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and the California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) and James Hoffa Jr. vs. Charlie Blackwell (I), Dave the Mechanic (Tea Party), and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay (Tea Party) w/Sheila the Secretary
-this has been brewing.  But Average Joe (Tea Party) wasn’t available due to the Republican Rumble so Charlie Blackwell (I) stepped in.  Dave the Mechanic returned to PCW with Sheila the Secretary.

Before the match began, PCW CEO Barack Obama came out yet again with a simple message, “You should pass this bill right away!”

Suave: “Yeah, I think we get the point.”

The match was the war everyone expected it to be.  Hoffa got involved early on which brought down ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) and Michele Bachmann (R-MN).

…Golatta batters McAvay from pillar to post with the trashcan.  A slugfest develops in the ring, and a wild swing from McAvay allows Golatta to hit the belly to belly suplex for two.  Tag to Big Labor, who continues the attack on McAvay.  He lays the boots to Tin Cupp in the corner, and then works the front facelock.  McAvay fights for a tag, knees by Big Labor and a tag to Malibu Dusty.  Rights by Dusty and McAvay is down again. Tag back to Golatta, to the second rope and leaps onto McAvay…

…out of the blue, Triple R (D) decides to hit the ring and attack Blackwell!  Big Labor rolls up Blackwell for two.  Spinning toe hold countered by Blackwell into a back suplex.  Blackwell grabs Triple R and tries for a piledriver off the apron through the table.  Big Labor tackles Blackwell and all three go through the table.

CROWD: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!!!

Golatta attacks McAvay and nails a pair of belly to belly suplexes.  Golatta with a ‘Foul Pole’ shot to the groin and McAvay is down.  Golatta tries for another Foul Pole, this one to Dave the Mechanic.  Sheila the Secretary jumps on Golatta’s back.  Malibu Dusty pulls Sheila off and hits a belly to belly.  Golatta Foul Poles Dave the Mechanic and picks up a belt.  He starts whipping Dave with it and Palin and Bachmann hit the ring.  Then Hoffa jumps in and the referee loses complete control of the match.

Before the show fades to black, Obama sneaks up to the camera and says: “YOU SHOULD PASS MY BILL…RIGHT AWAY!”…

 

——————————

Once Again, Obama Turns to the Big Speech – Scott Wilson, Washington Post
Economy on the Verge of a Double Dip Recession – David Leonhardt, NYT
The Obama Presidency by the Numbers – Michael Boskin, Wall St. Journal
Debate Leaves Perry and Romney in Control – Ed Morrissey, Hot Air
Why Romney Came Up Short – Howard Kurtz, The Daily Beast
NH May Be Perry’s Chance to Deliver Knockout Blow – Scott Conroy, RCP
No Problem With Hoffa’s Harangue – Jonathan Capehart, Washington Post
Why U.S. Health Care Leads the Way – Thomas Sowell, Investor’s Biz Daily
Time to Leave 9/11 Behind – E.J. Dionne, Washington Post
Nation Marks 9/11 in Personal, Public Ways – Caitlin Huey-Burns, RCP
Perry Shows Aggressive Style in First Debate – Dan Balz, Washington Post
The GOP Candidates Performed Well – Michael Barone, DC Examiner
President Needs Fighting Words in Speech – Michael Tomasky, Daily Beast
Obama Doesn’t Really Have a Plan – Caroline Baum, Bloomberg
Hoffa & the Right Wing Noise Machine – Greg Sargent, Washington Post
Obama Sinks to New Lows Among Whites, Hispanics – Lydia Saad, Gallup
Romney Won Face-Off With Perry – Michael Gerson, Washington Post
Failure to Dent Perry Bodes Ill for Romney – Jonathan Tobin, Commentary
Dire Climate Situation Requires Collective Action – Gernot Wagner, NYT
The Greens Are Not Vulcans – Walter Russell Mead, The American Interest
How Did Solyndra Get a Sweetheart Interest Rate? – Ed Morrissey, Hot Air
China’s Rise Isn’t America’s Demise – Vice President Joe Biden, NY Times
Obama’s Trifecta of Economic Ineptitude – Joel Kotkin, Forbes
Cheney’s Love Letter to Himself – Paul Begala, The Daily Beast
Keeping New York Safe – Raymond Kelly, New York Post
Where the Voices of 9/11 Live On – Cannon & Simendinger, RealClearPolitics
Why Liberals Fear the “Lochner” Decision – George Will, Washington Post
Has the GOP’s Economic Strategy Already Failed? – S. Rosenberg, NDN
Why Aren’t More Jobs Being Created? – Ezra Klein, Washington Post
Is Perry’s Social Security Stance “Toxic”? – Alana Goodman, Contentions
Perry’s Narrow Win – Marc Thiessen, PostPartisan
The Not-So-Bold Obama Jobs Plan – David Dayen, FDL

 

Palin Shines in Iowa: 9/4-PCW Week In Review

With three weeks left to go before PCW’s Lock and Load pay per view, here are the big storylines in PCW:

-PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 is now 14 months away.  PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) seems to have lost his mojo.  PCW continues to struggle with its debt problem.   And new jobs are few and far between.  Obama will be on PCW Politics Is War on P-SPAN this Thursday night to address those issues.

-Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX) is on a roll.  He has yet to have lost a match here in PCW.  Can he play himself into the four man tournament to be held at Lock and Load and get himself a shot at the PCW title?

-Texas Jack also signed on as the Republican‘s #2 wrestler behind ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- who’s backed by the Massachusetts Red Blood Mitt Romney (R-MA)  Right now, the race for the Republican Nomination for PCW CEO seems to have boiled down to Romney and Perry.  Will the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) jump into the fray?  Can Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann (R-MN) be a viable contender?  Stay tuned.

-Or will that man be the Independent, Daniel-San- the former PCW Television champion?  Upset that the TV title was retired and he was not given an automatic title shot against PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka, Daniel-San survived round one of the play-in for the final spot in the tournament by defeating ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D), ‘Bureaucrat’ Andy Riley (D), and Kevin Collins of Paul Ryan’s Raiders (R).

-Then there’s PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I).  Valora’s path of rage the past few weeks has affected not only the women’s division.  Last week on PCW Extreme Political TV, Valora took out the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism’s (D)  Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe, Chism, and Triple R (D) after the Chism-Triple R match.  We know she’s mad because the Democrats chose PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) over her.  We know she’s pissed off at the Republicans for the Triple Threat’s interference in one of her matches.  The question on everyone’s mind is: what exactly does she want?

————————

Last night in Sioux City, Iowa, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R), backed once again by the Alaskan Pitbull herself, Sarah Palin, backed by the Tea Party, defeated Kathryn Randall Collins (D) in a grudge match.

Post match, Palin got on the microphone and clearly aimed her remarks at CEO Obama as well as country club Republicans.

“This movement isn’t simply a political awakening. It’s an American awakening. And it’s coming from ordinary Americans … it’s you who grow our food, you run our small businesses, you teach our children, you fight our wars.  I’ve seen this kind of crony capitalism before … I took on a corrupt and compromised political class and their backroom dealings with Big Oil. And I can tell you that sudden and relentless reform never sits well with entrenched power brokers.”

——————

PCW returns this Thursday night with PCW Politics Is War on P-SPAN.

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Callie Urban (D)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#2- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#3- Texas Jack (R)
#4- Charlie Blackwell (I)
#5- Daniel-San- (I)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#2- Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#3- Big Labor/Triple R (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Valora Salinas (I)
#4- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#5- Jackie Daniels (I)

PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey Korver (D)
#2- The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#3- The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
#4- Women For Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
#5- The Pinups: Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe (I)

PCW KING OF EXTREME CHAMPION: Keith Olbermann (D)
#1- Glenn Beck (R)
#2- ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter (R)
#3-  Ed Schultz (D)
#4- Andrew Breitbart (R)
#5- Janeane Garofalo (D)

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