Keith Olbermann Wins King of Extreme Title: 7/18-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV Results
Midway Middle School Auditorium
Midway, GA
Monday July 18th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomed everyone to this week’s edition of PCW Extreme Political TV and was immediately joined by Midway’s police chief Kelly Morningstar.

Chief Morningstar welcomes PCW to Midway, Georgia and then wants to know why three kids are selling lemonade in the lobby.  Suave reaches into his pocket and produces a one day permit and the crowd cheers.  Then someone grabs a microphone.

Man: “Rafe Semmes, Midway, Georgia.  I was absolutely astounded to learn the Midway Police Department felt it necessary to enforce an ordinance by shutting down a girl’s lemonade stand on private property because she didn’t have the proper permits.   Has the whole world gone mad? Or is this just a money grab?  Sounds like the latter to me.   For children, lemonade stands are a time-honored method of earning money. I did it when I was a kid growing up in Savannah.  What’s the harm in a child doing this?  Have we gone so politically correct that common sense flies out the window? This is simply ludicrous! Shame on whoever made the judgment call that the lemonade was a threat because they did not know what was in it.   This is what happens when “PC” takes over common sense and reality goes out the window.”

http://beta.coastalcourier.com/section/4/article/33929/

Chief Morningstar again repeats that the girls didn’t have a business license or the required permits and police could not determine how the lemonade was made, who made the lemonade, of what the lemonade was made with.  The crowd boos in response.

Man #2: “Scott Brown, Atlanta, GA.  If we have a law, it must be followed and/or enforced.  We cannot pick and choose what is enforced and what we ignore. So, do not blame Chief Morningstar or the Midway Police Department for the incident with the lemonade stand. The law is the law and they were only doing their jobs by enforcing it. For laws to work, officials can’t pick and choose which ones to enforce. Unfortunately, that sometimes means allowing logic to prevail over emotion. It’s just not OK for some laws to be broken.  If you don’t like a law, pressure your officials to change it.  The girls unknowingly were in violation of the law.  Ignorance of the law does not constitute an excuse for not following it. Second, who knows if that lemonade was made using sanitary procedures? If the lemonade had made people ill or killed someone, would we be as outraged that the police shut it down? The police were absolutely correct in shutting it down. It was a violation of the law and quite possibly posed a health hazard.

“Yes, I feel a bit sorry for the girls — I had a lemonade stand as a kid, too — but this is a good lesson. What are we teaching kids when we report that what the police did was wrong and that we should feel sorry for the girls whose lemonade stand was shut down? We’re teaching them that it’s OK to violate the law as long as it’s convenient and profitable to do so. That’s not the right way to teach a child. The law is the law and you cannot selectively enforce it. Period.   To anyone else offended by the officer’s actions, get over it. We cannot turn those charged with enforcing the law into bad guys. They didn’t make the laws, so it’s unfair to blame them for something you feel may be wrong.”

http://beta.coastalcourier.com/section/4/article/33931/

Brown’s remarks also elicit boos.  Suave says this is a issue of using ‘common sense.’

Suave: “I don’t know what’s more ridiculous.  The war on lemonade stands all over the country or this whole Carmageddon thing that was supposed to bring LA to its knees over the weekend.”

Match #1  Triple R (D) w/ Code Pink and Emily List defeats ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay (Tea Party)
- Triple R still lusts of being the PCW champion.  McAvay tries to win one for the Tea Party.  Unfortunately, McAvay goes Phil Mickelson in the final round of the British Open.  After Triple R dominates early.  McAvay makes an incredible comeback and looks to be on the verge of winning but his overaggressiveness pisses it away at the end.

Rick Perry Visits EA Sports
On a jumbo screen inside the offices of a division of EA Sports, a scene from one of the company’s popular college football video game was playing out, featuring Perry as quarterback for his alma-mater, Texas A&M.

In the scene, Perry throws a touchdown before a stadium full of cheering fans.

As Perry left the room, a reporter shouted, “hey Rick, are you in the game?”

It was a reference to EA’s catch-phrase “if it’s in the game, it’s in the game.”

Perry did not respond and hustled off the stage.

Suave: The big question is ‘will Perry answer the call?’  Let’s find out.

Suave pulls out his cell phone and dials…and waits…and waits…and waits…

Match #2 (Taped at an Idaho bar) Marlon Baker defeats Daren Abbey
- it all began when 28-year-old white supremacist Daren Abbey began threatening Marlon Baker and threatened to stab him because “blacks are not welcome.”   Baker, wearing a t-shirt that said “Spokane Boxing Club champion,” knocked Abbey unconscious with one punch.

Ron Paul Promo
Ron Paul announces that this is his final trip around the political merry-go-round.  Either he will become the next PCW CEO or he will retire from political wrestling.

This brings out the PCW Tag Team Champions- Jack and Joe Schmidt along with Jim Schmidt.  Jim walks out with the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber.

Jack is disappointed that Ron Paul is going to retire next year if he doesn’t win the PCW CEO race.  But what he’s NOT disappointed about is the new Harry Potter movie.  Jack raves about Alan Rickman’s ‘brilliant’ performance as Professor Snape in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Part 2.

Joe admits that he cried during the part where Snape reveals to Harry that he loved his mother.  He begins to break down again but Jack picks it up from there and reminds everyone that Rickman also played Hans Gruber in the first Die Hard movie- the name of their Extreme German Schnauzer.

Jack says that no matter what, the PCW Tag Team Title belts are home and will stay with the Schmidts even after Paul retires.

Suave Tries to Call Rick Perry Again…
Suave pulls out his cell phone and dials…and waits…and waits…and waits…

Match #3 for the King of Extreme Title
Rush Limbaugh

Sean Hannity
Ann Coulter
Markos Moutilsas
Arianna Huffington
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews
Glenn Beck
Laura Ingraham
Bill O’Reilly
Alan Grayson
Rachel Maddow
Keith Olbermann

Suave: “Right now, they are loading up both Chambers of Extreme Doom.  Here’s the lineup for each Chamber…”

LEFT:
Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter
Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews

RIGHT:
Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, Bill O’Reilly
Alan Grayson, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann

[The bell sounds.]

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[Markos Moutilsas and Rush Limbaugh to start.  Moutilsas scores with some stiff kicks and a flying forearm on Limbaugh for 2. A dropkick gets 2 more on Limbaugh.  Moutilsas goes to the arm but gets caught with a kick to the gut and a knee to the head.  Moutilsas tries to mount a comeback but bites a big back elbow and a running foot to the chest. They each counter hip tosses onto the metal grating,  Moutilsas hits an head kick and gets a 2 count. Moutilsas's whip is reversed but Limbaugh runs into a boot.  Moutilsas tries a sunset flip but Limbaugh drops down to counter. Again Moutilsas tries some kicks but he gets shoved into the side of Arianna Huffington's pod. Uranage backbreaker by Limbaugh gets 2. The countdown stops and next man out is...Arianna Huffington! She gives a sinister smile and stares down Rush Limbaugh.  They face off while Moutilsas convalesces, and here come the fisticuffs!  Huffington gets the upper hand and nails the high knee. Knee drop by Huffington gets 2. Corner clothesline by Arianna, and she beats Limbaugh down. Another clothesline gets a 2 count. Moutilsas is still lounging around, while Limbaugh and Huffington each try and take each other to the chainlink.  Huffington elbows Limbaugh and clotheslines him back into the ring, but gets a boot to the face on a charge.  Limbaugh goes for a power bomb on the diminutive Huffington, Arianna gets out the back and hits a DDT for 2.  Moutilsas off the top with a crossbody to Limbaugh for 2!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[It's Alan Grayson and Glenn Beck to start.  Grayson takes Beck down with a shoulder then eats a leg lariat and gets 2.  Whip by Beck, Grayson avoids a couple of attacks and hits a leg lariat of his own for two.  He throws Beck onto the grating but Grayson gets a double-leg and CATAPULTS Beck into the chain! He takes Beck into a pod then goes up top...SOMERSAULT SENTON off the top into Beck!  Grayson whips Beck into the chain three times then rolls him back inside.   Beck looks as if he's about to have a stroke.  Grayson misses a kick. Beck takes his up for the suplex!  Grayson out the back,  misses the corkscrew elbow and gets NAILED with a stiff kick and then the Vertical Conservative Press! 1...2...3!]

Glenn Beck eliminates Alan Grayson via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[10-spot punches in the corner by Limbaugh to Huffington and a flying clothesline. SLINGSHOT BOOM DROP to Huffington on the grating! Limbaugh blindsides her with a clothesline and rolls him back inside for a 2 count. Countdown is on...'Hardball' Chris Matthews!  He clotheslines Limbaugh and stamps on him.   Limbaugh responds and levels Moutilsas with a European uppercut but then Matthews stamps on Limbaugh some more.  Kneedrop to the head of Limbaugh.  Cover on Limbaugh gets 2. Matthews sends Limbaugh to the grating and then throws him into the chainlink! Again! And again! Huffington comes over and she gets a hat tDan of chainlink!  Matthews stamps away at Limbaugh.  MOUTILSAS! He flies in and takes out all three! Matthews rolls inside, Moutilsas springboards INTO A DROPKICK BY RUSH LIMBAUGH!  1...2...no!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
Glenn Beck gets the mic and points to Keith Olbermann, telling him he better pray that his pod opens last because Beck is going to make him tap. He points to Rachel Maddow and says he will prove that her decadent lifestyle leads to no good. Then he wants us to feel the Glenn Beck flow through him.  Ew. The countdown is on…MADDOW!  She comes out with right hands and the springboard senton! Crossbody gets 2!  She rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Beck’s head to the 5th row! 1…2…no!  Drop toehold by Maddow.  No.  She’s not going to try the 619!  Here it comes…Maddow jumps through the second and top rope while holding on to the ropes, and uses the momentum to swing back around into the ring…and right into a POWERSLAM by Beck! 1…2…no!  He sets for the Vertical Conservative Press, REVERSED! Rana by Maddow! 1…2…no! Maddow goes on the attack on the grating, he tries the rana but Beck holds on! He swings Maddow into the chains HARD! And again! He throws him into the ring, cover! 1…2…no. Running high knee by Beck, he runs and LAUNCHES Maddow between the ropes and head-first into a pod!  1…2…2.809!  Beck perches Maddow up top and goes up with her, Maddow fights him off and Maddow is climbing the pod! Beck chases him and NO WAY! VERTICAL CONSERVATIVE PRESS from the top??!!! No, Maddow slides off. She kicks out the foot of Beck, crotching him, and goes up top…RANA to the steel! Springboard splash! 1…2…3!!!]

Rachel Maddow eliminates Glenn Beck via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[Limbaugh is up and he rams Matthews arm-first into the corner! Countdown! Sean Hannity!  He goes after everyone except Limbaugh, then stares him down in the corner. Matthews is slumped against the bottom turnbuckle.   Hannity offers his hand to Limbaugh!  He pulls Limbaugh up and both men go after Arianna. They stomp him down then go after Matthews, ramming his shoulder into the post. They grind Moutilsas's face into the chain and then choke him on it. Oh this is awesome, Moutilsas's head is stuck in the chainlink while Hannity applies a Boston Crab and Limbaugh stamps on his back.  Huffington and Limbaugh exchange rights until Hannity clocks him from behind. Limbaugh holds Huffington while Hannity lays the boots in, then they throw her to the grating. They throw Huffington back-first into the chain, and now Limbaugh is setting Huffington for the elevated DDT...he stops, goes to the grating and DROPS HER ON THE STEEL INSTEAD!!!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[Bill O'Reilly in!  Maddow flips over the back of O’Reilly but gets levelled with a clothesline. BIG flapjack by O’Reilly.  Lionsault attempt, O’Reilly lands on his feet bit Maddow dropkicks the knee! O’Reilly rolls out of the ring to the grating, Maddow tries a springboard but O’Reilly ducks, Maddow holds on to the chain! O’Reilly yanks her off and Maddow lands face-first on the steel! O’Reilly takes her to the chain twice, Maddow rolls inside and O’Reilly hits a slingshot splash for 2.  O’Reilly stands on Maddow's back.  Maddow fights back with some kicks but O’Reilly hits a snap mare and locks in a modified arm-in chinlock.]

O’Reilly: “ASK HER!”

[Maddow fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits a quebrada press for 2. Maddow avoids a charge, tilt-a-whirls herself and locks in a guillotine choke. O’Reilly rams Maddow into the turnbuckle to break the hold and then locks in the STF!  O’Reilly breaks the hold when Laura Ingraham enters the match.  But the extra help does him no good as he eats a dropkick, and another from Maddow.  O’Reilly gets launched to the grating.  Ingraham attacks Maddow and tries to lift her to the grating, Maddow lands on her feet! Springboard INTO A STIFF KICK by Ingraham! O’Reilly reverses a knee lift by Maddow into a schoolboy for 2. He whips Maddow in but charges into a boot, Ingraham to the top but Maddow jumps up with her and pushes him backwards into a pod! Maddow charges O’Reilly but gets lifted on to the grating! He pushes Maddow into the chain and sets for a flying double clothesline over the corner post!  Got it!  Inside he hits the standing SSP for 2.  Maddow hits a back elbow to a charging Ingraham and ranas her into 619 position...again, she can't pull off the move as O’REILLY intercepts with the spinning shock treatment! 1...2...no! He whips Maddow to the corner but eats the flying Chuck on her return! Maddow ranas Ingraham to the bottom turnbuckle!  She puts Ingraham up top...here comes the super rana...INGRAHAM BLOCKS! Eskimo Pieface...CONNECTS! 1...2...3!]

Laura Ingraham eliminates Rachel Maddow

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[The countdown starts as Matthews circles the door to Ann Coulter's pod. Here comes 'The Queen of Political Extreme and she is a house of fire.   Shoulders and clotheslines everywhere! Right hand for Matthews! Throwback to Matthews... She takes him up for a Attitude Adjustment and drops him TO THE GRATING!  Matthews has recovered enough to throw Coulter out onto the grating, leaving Hannity as the last man up.  I think Moutilsas is still stuck in the fence. Matthews tries to take Coulter to the chain but it's reversed! STF to Matthews!  Matthews breaks it up! Chinlock backbreaker! He stalks Coulter and what?  Rupert Murdoch is at ringside with a lead pipe! He's trying to get Coulter's attention and make good with the conservative movement but Coulter wants none of it, so Murdoch drops the pipe in the ring anyway.  Hannity has the pipe! He nails...MATTHEWS! He covers Matthews! 1...2...3!]

Sean Hannity eliminates ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews via pinfall

[Hannity levels Huffington as Matthews and Limbaugh stare each other down. Hannity picks up Moutilsas but gets countered with a headscissors back into the ring! Moutilsas...Trouble in Paradise on Limbaugh! 1...2...3!]

Markos Moutilsas eliminates Rush Limbaugh via pinfall

[Hannity NAILS Moutilsas with the pump kick.  Power Bomb...connects! 1...2...3!]

Hannity eliminates Moutilsas via pinfall

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[Guess who's in?  Keith Olbermann and the fun begins.  Kicks to the chest of O’Reilly, he goes to the well one too many times and O’Reilly catches the leg! Leg trip by O’Reilly, he tries to lock in the Boston Crab.  Olbermann bails and catches O’Reilly with right hands and hits an avalanche.  Snake eyes and the big boot connects. Another boot for Ingraham, big leg to O’Reilly gets 2.  Chokeslam time for Ingraham!  O'Reilly and Ingraham work together and hit a double suplex on Olbermann. They clothesline Olbermann up and over, Ingraham with a Magistral cradle! 1...2...no! O’Reilly rolls outside then backdrops Olbermann to the grating. O’Reilly toys with Olbermann, which may go down as the dumbest move ever. Olbermann gets pissed and O’Reilly tries to hide in the pod...unsuccessfully. Olbermann pulverises him then hits an avalanche on Ingraham, and a second. Snake eyes by Olbermann and the big FLYING CHUCK! He nailed it! He's selling the ankle injury though! Instead of the pin he goes for the Big Splash...KNEES!  O’Reilly thinks this would be a good time to go after Olbermann, but Olbermann sits up in time and O’Reilly flees to the pod and closes the door. Olbermann looks out of it but throws Ingraham to the grating and stamps away. He throws Ingraham into the pod door and the plexiglass gives but does not go down. Olbermann goes for a power slam on Ingraham...O’Reilly charges and spears Olbermann! Ingraham hangs on to the chains as Olbermann charges O’Reilly...O’Reilly moves! Olbermann goes THROUGH the pod plexiglass! Ingraham comes off the chains with a crossbody!  Ingraham and O’Reilly roll into the ring.  Ingraham forgot about Olbermann and gets goozled! CHOKESLAM to the grating! 1...2...3!]

Keith Olbermann eliminates Laura Ingraham via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[Coulter gets hit with a knee trembler by Huffington.  Coulter gets her up for the Attitude Adjustment but Huffington escapes and hits the uranage backbreaker again. Powerslam gets 2.  She hangs Coulter in the Tree of Woe and stamps away, then snags Coulter for the sleeper...Arianna breaks off and low blows Hannity.  PEDIGREE TO HANNITY!  She drapes an arm over him! 1...2...3!!!]

Arianna Huffington eliminates Hannity via pinfall (Pedigree)

[Coulter struggle to his feet...STF! Huffington struggles and fights and struggles...Coulter holds on...Arianna fights for the ropes...Coulter wrenches back...Huffington looks to be fading...SHE TAPS!]

Ann Coulter eliminates Huffington
Ann Coulter wins the Left Chamber.

(RIGHT)
[Olbermann stalks O’Reilly, O’Reilly charges and eats a pair of rights. Corner beating by Olbermann now, he backs up and hits a running high knee in the corner.  He tries a running boot but O’Reilly moves! He goes up top with Olbermann...superplex connects! 1...2...2.68! Knee drop by O’Reilly and some rights, he comes off the ropes GOOZLE! O’Reilly rolls through to the Walls! Olbermann counters with Hell's Gate...BLOCKED! Sleeper locked in! Olbermann has nowhere to go! He rolls to his back and almost gets the Hell's Gate, O’Reilly fights and uses the ropes as leverage to escape!  He picks up O’Reilly for the power bomb...O’Reilly out the back!  DDT! 1...2...2.9003! O’Reilly with the 10-count punches in the corner, Olbermann grabs on! SIT DOWN POWER BOMB.  Wait!  Rupert Murdoch with another pipe!  Pipe shot through the grating, Olbermann ducks and O'Reilly CATCHES IT FLUSH!  Murdoch can't believe it!  Olbermann covers! 1...2...3!]

Keith Olbermann eliminates Bill O’Reilly
Keith Olbermann wins the Right Chamber

[Media Matters's Eric Boehlert runs out and tackles Murdoch.]

Suave:  “Boehlert is laying a beatdown on Murdoch!”

[Murdoch and Boehlert brawl all the way to the back.]

Suave: “It’s down to Keith Olbermann vs. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter.  Mano y womano.”

Current TV’s Keith Olbermann
vs.
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter

Suave: “The gate goes up and it’s on!  Olbermann and Coulter just pummel each other on the top level of these Twin Chambers of Extreme Doom!”

[Olbermann sweeps the legs out from under Coulter.  Coulter lands hard but instinctly thrust kicks Olbermann in the balls.  Olbermann falls over and he's in a world of hurt.  Coulter pulls out a cheese grater and tenderizes Olbermann's forehead with it.  Olbermann with a wild left hand sends Coulter and the cheese grater flying across the top of the cage.  Then...

Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play. The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…


The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore immediately goes over to Beck and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him.  Then…


David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell

…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Coulter.  Olbermann urges them on while wearing the crimson mask.  Shuster and Gore hold Coulter up.  Olbermann can't see very well.  He charges Coulter.  SPEAR!]

Sauve: “SPEAR RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!  HOLY CRAP!”

[Olbermann and Coulter land in the ring after going through the other levels of the cage.  They're both out.  But Olbermann lands on top of Coulter.  The referee makes the count...1...2...3.]

WINNER AND NEW KING OF EXTREME: Keith Olbermann

Suave: “I think they’re both dead.  And if they’re not, they should be.”

Suave pulls out his cell phone again and tries to call Rick Perry…and waits…and waits…and waits……

PCW in Midway, GA Monday Night to Crown the ‘King of Extreme’ Title

That’s right, Political Championship Wrestling will be in Midway, GA this Monday night for another politically extreme edition of PCW Extreme Political TV.

Midway, GA, of course, is known for their no nonsense, law and order attitude.  Just look at this…

3 girls sitting just off the road selling lemonade.  Suddenly, screeching tires can be heard down the road.

A SWAT van and several police cars pull up to the lemonade stand.

A stream of SWAT personnel exit the back of the van and surround the stand.

Midway Police Chief Kelly Morningstar gets out of his police car with a bullhorn.  “ATTENTION GIRLS OPERATING UNAUTHORIZED LEMONADE STAND.”

“We’re right here,” says one of the girls.

“YOU DO NOT HAVE A PROPER BUSINESS LICENSE OR THE REQUIRED PEDDLERS OR FOOD PERMITS TO RUN YOUR BUSINESS.”

“I mean, we’re right in front of you,” says another girl.

“WE DON’T KNOW HOW YOUR LEMONADE WAS MADE.  WE DON’T KNOW WHO MADE THE LEMONADE OR WHAT’S IN IT.”

“Really, we’re right in front of you.”

“WE ARE CLOSING YOU DOWN, I REPEAT, CLOSING YOU DOWN.”

The SWAT team remove the girls, wraps yellow ‘police line do not cross’ tape around the stand…

…and drinks the rest of the lemonade.

Ga. Police Shut Down Lemonade Stand- CBS News

—–

Monday night, PCW crowns the new King of Extreme Title.  The contestants:

Rush Limbaugh
Sean Hannity
Ann Coulter
Markos Moutilsas
Arianna Huffington
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews
Glenn Beck
Laura Ingraham
Bill O’Reilly
Alan Grayson
Rachel Maddow
Keith Olbermann

Catch all the exciting action this Monday night on PCW.

bin Laden is Toast: 5/2 PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Union Scioto High School Gym
Chillicothe, OH
Monday May 2nd, 2011

Host: Johnny Suave

Osama bin Laden walks up to the bar at Porky’s.

Porky:
You got the money?

bin Laden:
You got the virgins?

Porky:
What do you think?  That’s cash in advance.

bin Laden goes to hand Porky the money.

Porky:
Not me.  The bartender.

bin Laden pays the bartender.

Porky:
See that doorway over there?  You step in there and wait.

bin Laden goes to the door and opens it up.

bin Laden:
It’s dark.

Porky:
Don’t you want to be surprised?  That’s the back way up to the pen.  Go through the door and wait for a knock.

bin Laden:
That door over there?

Porky:
That door.  Wait for a knock, step through another door, and you’re in.  And the virgins will be waiting.

bin Laden goes inside and up the stairs.

Porky’s voice:
Are you ready?

bin Laden:
Yeah, I’m ready.

Porky’s voice:
Are you sure you’re ready?

bin Laden:
Yeah.  Come on.  Let’s go.

Porky’s voice:
Okay.  Here comes your night to remember!

Suddenly, a trap door opens and bin Laden falls through the floor to the water below.  Porky leans over the railing.

Porky:
How were the virgins?

bin Laden:
You…you tricked me.

Porky:
I tricked you.  But there was one thing I left out.

bin Laden:
And?

Porky:
The lake is inhabited by man eating piranha.  Have a nice evening.

Porky goes inside.

bin Laden:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

————————

Crowd:
USA!  USA!  USA!

Suave introduces PCW and notes the death of Osama bin Laden nearly 10 years after 9/11.


Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet?  Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.  The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.  Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.


PCW CEO Barack Obama

Obama and Biden climb into the ring and join Suave.

Crowd:
USA!  USA!  USA!

Obama:
Thank you…thank you.  I can report to PCW fans, the American people, and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women and children For over two decades, bin Laden has been al Qaeda’s leader and symbol and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies.  The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation’s effort to defeat al Qaeda.

Male voice:
Thank God for President Obama.

*’My City was Gone’ by The Pretenders begins to play*

‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh strolls out. 

Limbaugh:
Ladies and gentleman, we need to open the program today by congratulating the PCW CEO, Barack Obama.  Mr. Obama has done something extremely effective, and when he does, this needs to be pointed out.  You see the military wanted to go in there and bomb, like they always do…But Obama, perhaps the only qualified member in the room to deal with this, insisted on the special forcesWe need to never forget that Obama deserves praise for continuing the policies established by George W. Bush which led to the learning, the acquisition of this intel that led us to the enlarged hut in Pakistan that led to the assassination of bin Laden last night.

Obama:
I gave George W. Bush credit.  What’s your point, Rush?

Limbaugh:
I, me, my, three of the most used words in your media appearance last night, not a single intelligence adviser, not a single national security adviser, military adviser, came up with the idea…not one of them… according to you, had the ability to understand the need to get DNA. This was your message last nightThank God for you. If you wouldn’t have been there, who knows what would’ve happened.

Male voice:
Hold on, Rush.

Sean Hannity walks out.

Hannity:
Look, I think what they did was a gutsy move.  It was the right thing to do and now that we got this information from enhanced interrogation, I wonder if all [of] these liberal blasting me on Twitter are willing to praise President Bush for getting the intelligence ultimately. It’s just a thought. This isn’t political for me. This is about the safety and security of our country and in that sense, nothing is political. Anyone who does the right thing, I’m on board with.  Now do you notice in this case that President Obama acted unilaterally,” he continued.  He didn’t seek out approval from the U.N. or NATO, or even Pakistan. And Pakistan is saying that they violating their sovereignty by killing Bin Laden. That fine — being a conservative, I’m fine with it. It’s exactly the kind of thing we have been arguing and we have been in favor of for years. It’s liberals if you recall that insisted unilateral actions are wrong. ‘It’s counterproductive, contrary to international law and the Geneva Conventions.  Well I wonder what they’re going to say now?  Are they going to concede that unilateralism can bring about a great good?  Multilateralism in this case would have blown the entire operation. I mean there are some real questions we got to ask here. All right, does that mean that we can use enhanced interrogation techniques because they provide intelligence that can get the bad guys and lead to celebrations like we had last night?

Obama:
Look, we got bin Laden.  The world is a safer place without him.  But it doesn’t mean that we’re out of the woods yet-

Running to the ring:

Axis of Evil
Leaders:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad- President of Iran
Kim Song-Il- dictator of North Korea
Hugo Chavez- dictator of Venezuela
‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El
HT: 6′ 7″  WT: 335
HOME: Tehran, Iran
FIN: Choke Slam
VALET: Fatima

Byung Hyung Kang
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 195
HOME: Pyongyang, North Korea
FIN:
VALET: Soon Ye

Fernando Venezuela
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 355
HOME: Caracas, Venezuela
FIN: Venezuelian Vice Grip

Obama and company clear out.   Hugo Chavez takes the microphone.

Chavez:
I bet you Americans all think you so tough after what you did to bin Laden.  Phooey.   I saw what you did last night.  Celebrating.  Celebrating a murder.

Crowd:
BOOOOOOOOOOO! (followed by)  USA!…USA!…USA!

Chavez:
SHUT UP!  I challenge the Americans in the back.  Come out and face the Axis of Evil.   I dare you.  Who dares to challenge us?

Suave wonders who will take up the challenge.  Then…

*’Way Out Here’ by Josh Thompson begins to play*


‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
HT: 6′ 3″  WT: 245
HOME: Ottumwa, IA
FIN: American Stars and Fuji Bar

Scott walks out to a standing ovation from the crowd.  Then…

‘Sledgehammer’ by Bachman Turner Overdrive blares*


Daniel-San (I)
HT: 5’10″  WT: 180
HOME: Newark, New Jersey
FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick


MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

Daniel-San and Mrs. Miyagi walk down next.   Who will be the third?

*Tin Machine’s ‘Under the God’ begins to play*

The crowd explodes.

Suave:
IT’S THE PCW CHAMPION, YAMAMOTO TANAKA!


Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

Valet: Reika Kisuargi

Tanaka sprints to the ring and it’s on.  Three on three.  Tanaka hooks up with ‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El.  Daniel-San takes on North Korea’s Byung Hyung Kang.  Scott mixes it up with Fernando Venezuela.

2nd Minute Highlights
Tanaka nails Venezuela with a clothesline and sends Khalid-El face-first into the corner turnbuckle.  Both Chavez and Ahmadinejad leap onto the ring apron to protest.   Kang sends Daniel-San face-first into the other corner turnbuckle and pauses to survey the situation.

3rd Minute Highlights
Tanaka and Khalid-El climb the corner turnbuckle and slug it out on the top rope.  Poke to the eyes by Khalid-El-bulldog from the top rope.  Venezuela hits Scott with a shoulder block and follows up with a Venezuelan Protobomb.  Khalid-El goes for the pin.  Daniel-San makes the save.  Ahmadinejad calls the Iranian Choke Slam and draws some serious heat from the crowd.

4th Minute Highlights
The weapons have come out.  Chair shots by Scott on Venezuela.   Stiff lefts exchanged by Tanaka and Khalid- El.   Mrs. Miyagi gets a chair shot on Kang and holds him while Daniel-San hits a baseball slide.  Then a trashcan shot.

5th Minute Highlights
Tanaka rammed to the steel post by Venezuela and Khalid-El.  Scott is busted open after Kang takes a cheese grater to his face.  Mrs. Miyagi again gets involved by nailing Kang with a skillet.

6th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San and Kang brawl outside the ring.  Ladder inside the ring now.   Khalid-El rams Tanaka with the ladder.  Then he sets it up in the corner, and waits on Tanaka.  Khalid- El for the spear, Tanaka counters into a hip toss into the ladder!

7th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San has the ladder now…TERRY FUNK’S SPINNING LADDER SPOT!   Down goes Khalid-El.  Down goes Fernando Venezuela.   Down goes Kang.  Ahmadinejad and Chavez in the ring.  Down goes Ahmadinejad.  Down goes Hugo Chavez.  Huge PCW chant.

8th Minute Highlights
Just when you think it’s going one way, the momentum shifts.  Khalid-El has a chair and clobbers Tanaka with it.  He nails Scott, who’s a bloody mess now, and sends him flying across the ring.  Khalid-El then chases after Daniel-San who wisely exits underneath the ropes.  But Khalid-El swings anyways and clocks Mrs. Miyagi with the chair.  She falls off the apron onto the floor and she is unconscious.

9th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San and Kang take a trip into the crowd.  Both Kevin Scott and Fernando Venezuela can barely stand.  Tanaka and Khalid-El unload the heavy artillery inside the ring.

10th Minute Highlights
Minions 1 and 2 led by Colonel Khadafy run in and attack Tanaka.  Khadafy even gets a couple cheap shots in before two masked members of the Navy Seals come flying to the ring.  Khadafy escapes but Minions 1 and 2 aren’t so lucky.  They are summarily ejected from the ring.

11th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San and Kang continue their tour of the arena and make a stop at the beer stand.  Daniel-San smashes a glass pitcher on Kang’s back and the North Korean is busted open. 

12 Minute Highlights
With the crowd shouting USA, Kevin Scott cinches in a Boston Crab on Fernando Venezuela.  He hangs on for dear life as the bigger Venezuela tries to move towards the ropes.

13th Minute Highlights
Khalid-El breaks up Scott’s Boston Crab and then get waylaid by Tanaka from behind.

14th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San with the Camel Clutch now on Kang as the big men brawl outside the ring.  Kang counters into the Ankle Lock.   Daniel-San rolls out of it and sends Kang to the outside.

Oh, Obama (D), Joe Biden (D), Harry Reid (D), and John Boehner (R) are now ringside.

15th Minute Highlights
Leg scissors/headlock combo by Daniel-San on Kang.  He’s looking for either the LaBell Lock or the Cattle Mutilation but Kang squirms away.   Tanaka and Khalid-El back in the ring.

16th Minute Highlights
Cattle Mutilation by Daniel-San on Kang.  Ahmadinejad in the ring!  He kicks Daniel-San and breaks the hold.  Joe Biden in the ring now…he tackles Ahmadinejad.  CAT-FIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!  Khalid-El grabs Biden and pulls him off Ahmadinejad.  He’s grabs him by the throat.  Tanaka from behind…SCORPION DEATH DROP!  He nails Khalid-El, and unfortunately Biden, too.  Tanaka covers…1…2…NO!  Venezuela makes the save.

17th Minute Highlights
Daniel-San has Kang in the Cattle Mutilation again!  Khalid-El throws Tanaka aside and charges towards him.  Biden, still stuck in the ring, gets up and gets crushed by Khalid-El.

BUT…he knocks the Iranian Weapon of Mass Destruction off course and Kevin Scott somehow manages to pull down the top rope, sending Khalid-El over the top.  Tanaka has Venezuela up top for the Japanese SuperDestroyer.  He hit it!

Kang taps out to Daniel-San…Tanaka rolls up Venezuela and gets the pin.

WINNERS: Daniel-San (I), Yamamoto Tanaka (D), and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) @ 17:43

Suave says that’s all for this week. 

Loose Cannons Unleashed 6 Report- Part One

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 6 PPV Report
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Monday June 21st
Host: Paige McGillicutty


Paige McGillicutty

Paige McGillicutty – Hey, Paige McGillicutty here to give you the rundown on what went down tonight at PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 6.  To say it was a wild night would be a great understatement.  Three title matchs- two title changes tonight.  But we’ll get to that later.  The night started off with a fan favorite entering the ring…

MATCH #1
Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych (I)
vs.

‘Chicago Boss’ Mark Ditka (D)

Paige McGillicutty – Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych, the perennial boy of summer versus the serious Chicago Boss Mark Ditka.

[Johnny Suave - ...big fight in the corner.  Ridfych with a right hand.

The crowd shouts out 'FastBALL!'

Johnny Suave - And another...

The crowd shouts out 'FastBALL' again.

Johnny Suave - Another

The crowd shouts out 'FastBALL!'

Bird winds up but Ditka tosses him to the floor.  Ditka with a hilo from the ring.  He whips Ridfych into the guardrail.

Johnny Suave - Ditka lighting up Ridfych with chops and punches.  Now he  whips Ridfych into the rail again.

The Chicago Boss drags Ridfych back inside and flies in with a crossbody for two.  Ditka starts pummeling Ridfych again.

Johnny Suave - DITKA'S BEATING DOWN RIDFYCH AND STOMPING A BIG OL' MUDHOLE IN HIM.  Ditka now going for the press powerbomb...Ridfych fights out of it!  Dropkick by the Bird.

Ditka goes to the apron and snaps Ridfych's throat off the top rope, but runs into the leaping heel kick!

Johnny Suave - WAIT A MINUTE!  THAT'S DANIEL-SAN!  THAT'S DANIEL-SAN IN THE CROWD AND HE JUST HEEL KICKED THE FATHER INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION!

Security chases after Daniel-San.  Ridfych makes the cover.  One...two...THREE!

Johnny Suave - HE'S DONE IT!  BIRD 'THE MARK' RIDFYCH GETS THE BIG WIN AT TONIGHT'S LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 6!]

WINNER: Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych @ 11:11

Paige McGillicutty – So, it was Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych making it through after a tough battle with ‘Chicago Boss’ Mark Ditka.  Next, Triple R (D) cut a promo about his upcoming match.

[The 'Angry Highway Warrior' Triple R looks...angry.  He calls PCW Television Champion Ken Worth- The American Trucker (I) a paper champion who belongs to a paper group (American Heartland Coalition).  Triple R states he belongs to a real group (the Democrats) and promises to send Worth back into obscurity along with the AHC.

McGillicutty - Next, a tag team match up with another fan favorite, The Goatbusters.  The Goatbusters were attacked before their match against the Schmidts Saturday night at CWC's Golden Dreams show.  How would they respond tonight against one of the tag teams who assaulted them?

MATCH #2
The Goatbusters: Ray Scantz and Peter Jenkman (I)
vs.
Diversity in Action: Matt Ficus and Rick Walker (D)

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to 'Ghostbusters')
If there’s something grazing
In your neighborhood
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you see a herd
And it don’t look good
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns
Running through your yard
Who can you call
(Goatbusters)
If you have a goat
Sleeping in your bed
Oh, who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’re all alone
Pick up the phone
And call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I hear it likes the girls
I ain’t afraid of no Goat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’ve had a dose
Of a freaky Goat
Maybe you’d better call
(Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something
Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

[The Goatbusters hit the ring and waste no time attacking Diversity in Action]

McGillicutty – Oh yeah!  The Goatbusters were out for blood in this matchup.

[Ficus tries the tornado DDT but Scantz counters to a sick backbreaker and then drops a senton on Ficus's back.

Johnny Suave - SCANTZ WITH THE GREAT COUNTERMOVE AND HE GOES FOR THE COVER!

One...two...Ficus gets a shoulder up.  Ficus gouges Scantz's eyes and makes the tag.   Big Rick Walker comes out and trade punches with Scantz.  Walker ends that with a superkick.  He chokes Scantz on the bottom rope.  He tries to fight back but Walker's stiff forearm knocks him down. More choking and Walker hits the cannonball.  Scantz tries to get up, but Walker won't let it go. Scantz finally gets a flurry of strikes, and pops right back up off a shoulder block and hits a clothesline. And another one. Scantz blocks the corner yakuza kick, but runs right into the Michinoku Driver, which gets 2.

Johnny Suave - SCANTZ NEEDS TO GET TO THE CORNER.

Scantz counters the tornado DDT but gets crotched before he can get to his corner.  Walker back body drops him to the floor.  He glides through the second and third ropes and plants Scantz with a tornado DDT on the floor.

Johnny Suave - HOLY CRAP!  THAT'LL DO IT.  WALKER PULLS HIM BACK IN.

Pumphandle power slam by Walker.  He makes the cover.  One...two...three.]

WINNER: Diversity in Action @ 15:03

Paige McGillicutty – So, Diversity in Action gets a pay per view win here at Loose Cannons Unleashed 6.  Next up, PCW Television Champion Ken Worth- The American Trucker offers his rebuttal to Triple R.

[Ken Worth stands with the rest of the American Heartland Coalition.

Ken Worth - Triple R.  A name synonymous with PCW.  A name synonymous with...choking in big matches.  A name synonymous with...melting down in crucial moments.  A name synonymous for talking tough but when the going gets tough he can't handle adversity.  Triple R,  you're a paper contender and tonight you will fail just like you've failed every other time you've tried to win a title.  Triple R- a name synonymous for failure.]

Paige McGillicutty – Suffice to say, the Television Champion’s remarks didn’t set real well with Triple R.

MATCH #3 – PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH

‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R (D)
vs.

Ken Worth- The American Trucker (I-American Heartland Coalition) (c) w/

Tequila Sheila

[During the ring announcements, Triple R runs in and clobbers Worth.  Triple R picks up Worth and starts talking trash.  He slaps Worth.  The Champion weathers the storm and they trade strikes.  Triple R comes out ahead and hits a corner clothesline.

Johnny Sauve - A WILD START TO THIS MATCH!  TRIPLE R IS GOING TO THROW EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK AT KEN WORTH!  YAKUZA KICK!  TRIPLE R COVERS!

Worth kicks out at two.  Triple R stays on it.

Johnny Suave - TRIPLE R NOT LETTING UP.  HALF AND HALF SUPLEX!   AND ANOTHER COVER.

Worth kicks out at two again.

Johnny Suave - NO!  BUT TRIPLE R MAKING IT CLEAR HE'S DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT WINNING THE TV TITLE.]

Paige McGillicutty – About midway through the match, an uninvited guest appeared.

[Clothesline by Triple R sends Worth flying 360 degrees in the air!  Worth  looks to go for the Jake Brake but Triple R avoids it.  He trips up Worth and then grabs the legs and lifts them in the air.

Johnny Suave - HE'S GO IT!  SHARPSHOOTER BY TRIPLE R!   WILL WORTH TAP OUT?

No.  Daniel-San slides through the ropes and confronts Triple R- who breaks the hold.


Daniel-San (I)

Johnny Suave - IT'S DANIEL-SAN!  AND NOW, TRIPLE R IS DISTRACTED FROM HIS MATCH!

Triple R goes for a Brainbuster on Daniel-San-countered, package piledriver- countered, Triple R runs into a Daniel-San kick.  Triple R again wants a Brainbuster but Daniel-San reverses into the Package Piledriver!

Johnny Suave - HOLY CRAP!  DANIEL-SAN JUST SPIKED TRIPLE R WITH A PACKAGE PILEDRIVER!  WORTH COVERS.

Triple R somehow kicks out at two.]

Paige McGillicutty – Security would escort Daniel-San off the premises for the evening and the match continued.  But that wasn’t the only unscheduled visit in the match.  Later on…

[Former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) grabs Ken Worth and spins him around, GREEN MIST!

Johnny Suave - TANAKA JUST SPEWED GREEN MIST INTO KEN WORTH'S EYES!  HE'S BEEN BLINDED.

Triple R slams Worth's head into the corner turnbuckle.  Tanaka in the ring now. Double chokelift slam!

Johnny Suave - HOLY CRAP!  TANAKA JUST KILLED KEN WORTH AND WE MAY HAVE A NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!

Triple R locks in the Cobra Clutch.  SNAFU and Dave the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition hit the ring and attack Triple R.  Worth escapes and slides out of the ring.  SNAFU drops a few elbows on Triple R's head. Tanaka yanks Dave the Mechanic up and whips him to the ropes and hits a northern lariat. A blinded Ken Worth tries to clear his eyes.  Tanaka brainbusters SNAFU and throws him out of the ring. Tequila Sheila puts water on his eyes to get rid of the mist. Tanaka hits a backdrop suplex on Dave the Mechanic and tosses him out of the ring.  Worth crawls back into the ring and avoids a fireman's carry by Triple R.  Outside the ring, Tanaka smashes SNAFU into the guardrail.  He then slams Dave the Mechanic into the rail.  Tequila Sheila throws the bottle at him.  Tanaka shrugs it off and then drops SNAFU throat-first on the rail.

Johnny Suave - HOLY CRAP!  TANAKA NEARLY DECAPITATED SNAFU OVER THAT GUARDRAIL!

Worth goes for the axehandle but Triple R avoids it.  Triple slams Worth into the turnbuckle.  Triple R hits a neckbreaker on the top rope and a slingshot axehandle, headlock and lefts.  Triple R chokes Worth with a belt and then goes for the cover.  One...two...

Johnny Suave - HERE COMES THE CORPORATION OF DOMINATION!  BIG OIL!  BIG ELECTRIC!  AND KIRK WALSTREIT!

Big Electric (R) pulls the referee out of the ring.  Enraged, Triple R stomps up and down and then starts shouting at the C.O.D.  He becomes even more upset when 'Sports Entertainment Genius' Mr. McMann appears.

Johnny Suave - MR. McMANN IS HERE AND TRIPLE R IS DARING HIM TO GET INTO THE RING.

Tanaka and Big Oil (R) square off.  Walstreit (R) stands next to McMann and feigns jumping into the ring with Triple R.

Johnny Suave - WATCH OUT!

Ken Worth sneaks up from behind and schoolboys Triple R.  The referee counts...one...two...three!

Johnny Suave - HE DID IT!  KEN WORTH DID IT!  HE'S RETAINED THE PCW TELEVISION TITLE!

The C.O.D. point at Triple R and laugh.]

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Ken Worth- The American Trucker @ 23: 19

Paige McGillicutty – Unfortunately, Triple R didn’t see it as a laughing matter.

[Triple R slams a steel-folding chair over the head of Ken Worth.  Worth drops like a shot and Triple R keeps swinging the chair at him.

Johnny Suave - HE'S LOST IT!  TRIPLE R HAS LOST IT!

'No Frill's Chris Escondido and Charlie Blackwell (I-American Heartland Coalition) race into the ring and Triple R bails.]


Charlie Blackwell (I)


‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido

Paige McGillicutty – So once again, Triple R’s penchant for losing focus at the precise moment he needs it the most comes back to haunt him.  Next…a little fun…

[Rahm Emanuel is in the ring to discuss the ongoing BP issue.

Replay: BP Hearings
Tony Hayward – I can assure you that the clerks are doing the best they can to help CEO Obama’s situation.  BP has put, without cost to CEO Obama, 3,524 cans of oil in his car in the last 59 days but unfortunately, it leaked right back out into the concrete.

Joe Barton (R) – Mr. Hayward, I’m ashamed of what the Democrats are trying to do here today.  On behalf of myself and the generous amounts of money that BP and other oil companies contribute to me, I’d like to apologize.

John Boehner (R) – Um, Joe.  Can we go outside and talk for a second?

Joe Barton (R) – Sure.

Boehner and Barton go outside.  The door closes.

Boehner’s voice (R) - ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR @#$@#$@# MIND?  WHAT THE @#$# DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

Boehner and Barton come back inside.  Barton sits.

Joe Barton (R) – Um…I’d like to retract that last statement.

Rahm Emanuel - What Joe Barton said was not a political gaffe. Those were prepared remarks. That is a philosophy. That is an approach to what they see. They see the aggrieved party here is BP.  And remember, this is not just one person.

'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin walks down.

Sarah Palin - Rahm, you lie.  There are some of us who believe that part of the problem is CEO Obama's inability to push BP to find a solution to the oil leak instead of sitting passively by and deferring to BP.

Rahm Emanuel - That's sounds nice, Sarah but-

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers & Friends: Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, Hardball Chris Matthews, and Daily Kos hit the ring and attack Palin.

Johnny Suave - AW, COME ON!  FOUR AGAINST ONE!

Soon enough, the Right Wing Crusaders: Bill O'Reilly, The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh run in and it's a full fledged brawl.]

Paige McGillicutty – Once they got the mess cleaned up in the ring, it was time for match number four of the night.  Another Republican versus Democrat match up.

MATCH #4

Magnum P.O.’d w/

Robyn Masters (R)
vs.
Paddy O’Kennedy (D)

[...kicks from the ground by O'Kennedy who tries to get away from Magnum, who keeps choking him.  Knee to the side of the face by Magnum.  Then he drives his foot into O'Kennedy's skull.  Chops by O'Kennedy who tries to get back on track.  O'Kennedy lifts Magnum into the air and falls backwards.

Johnny Suave - STUN GUN!

Magnum's throat hits the top rope and he falls back.

Johnny Suave - O'KENNEDY WITH THE ROLL UP.  NO!

Only 2 for O'Kennedy.  Scoop slam followed by a rake to the face by Paddy.  Headscissors by O'Kennedy and then he sits on Magnum's neck for more pressure.  Robyn Masters climbs up on the ring apron and starts shouting at O'Kennedy who keeps pummeling Magnum and whips him into the corner.  O'Kennedy runs into Magnum's boot.

Johnny Sauve - O'Kennedy going up top, Magnum slides out of the way...running headbutt to the gut by Magnum.

Magnum then puts O'Kennedy in a cobra clutch hold.  He lifts him up and fall backwards, driving O'Kennedy to the mat on his head.

Johnny Suave - COBRA SUPLEX! SICK!

Magnum covers.  O'Kennedy kicks out at two.  Flying lariat by O'Kennedy followed by a double leg takedown.  O'Kennedy hits mounted punches and then a chokehold.  Choke biel by O'Kennedy.  Magnum hits a knee to the gut, headbutts by O'Kennedy!  Reverse STO from the knees by Magnum who transitions into a Cobra Clutch!

Johnny Suave - HE'S GOT HIM!  MAGNUM HAS O'KENNEDY TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE...HE TAPS OUT!]

WINNER: Magnum P.O.’d @ 16:52

Paige McGillicutty – Magnum P.O.’d with the Cobra Clutch takes the win over Paddy O’Kennedy.

————

Part two will be posted tomorrow night.

———————-

Other WP Political Blogger Posts:

Other Political Posts:

Fox News vs. MSNBC in Chamber of Doom Match/Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part 1

PCW/MVW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION- PART ONE

BONUS MATCH
Sarah Mae Smith and Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych vs.
Mandy ‘The Principal’ Smyth and Magnum P.O’d

[… Smith grabs Magnum P.O'd's leg, rolls him over, and locks in a half Boston Crab. Davey Keels asks Magnum P.O'd if he quits. ... ... Magnum P.O'd trys to escape. ... Magnum P.O'd is fighting the hold. Sarah Mae Smith breaks the hold. Spinning neck-breaker from Sarah Mae Smith takes Magnum P.O'd down. Magnum P.O'd neck snaps Sarah Mae Smith. Magnum P.O'd applies the clawhold on Sarah Mae Smith. Magnum P.O'd takes Smith off her feet with a short-arm clothesline  Sarah Mae gets back to her feet. Magnum P.O'd gets sent into the turnbuckle while Sarah Mae hits him with a splash.  Sarah Mae grabs Magnum P.O'd's head and DDT's him on the mat. Sarah Mae Smith is back on his feet.  Smith and Magnum P.O'd go to the floor Davey Keels starts the count (.1) Magnum P.O'd is up again. (..2) Magnum P.O'd suplexes Sarah Mae Smith thru a table! (...3) Magnum P.O'd punches Sarah Mae Smith repeatedly. Sarah Mae Smith neck snaps Magnum P.O'd. Magnum P.O'd is hit with a backward kick. Magnum P.O'd climbs to his feet.  Smith takes Magnum P.O'd into the ring. Magnum P.O'd gets thrown into the corner and gets boot choked by Sarah Mae.  She slaps Magnum P.O'd. Sarah Mae thrust kicks Magnum P.O'd in the head.  Smith rolls him up with a backflip cradle. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Sarah Mae Smith and Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych at 10:34

—————————-

http://politicalwrestling.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/poster.jpg?w=468

PCW/MVW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 2010
Rockford MetroCenter
Rockford, Illinois
Sunday March 7th, 2010
Hosts: Johnny Suave, Rick Fantastic, and Chastity Gold

[Suave, Fantastic, and Gold stand in the ring.  Lots of signs in the audience.  'Brandi Bayless- Marry Me!'  Lots of Mercenaries and Angels of Death signs.]

Suave: “Rockford, Illinois!  WE ARE LIVE!”

Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suave: “WELCOME TO WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION TWO THOUSAND AND TEN!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE FROM POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Fantastic: “I’M RICK FANTASTIC FROM THE MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Gold: “AND I’M CHASTITY GOLD FROM THE MVW.”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suave: “Tonight is a special night.  This will be the final co-branded Pay Per View show with PCW and MVW.  Next month, Missouri Valley Wrestling steps out on its own with their first solo pay per view show, MVW Arch Wrestling Madness.”

Fantastic: “But tonight, we’ve got a lot of unfinished business to attend to.”

Gold: “So, let’s run down the card one last time before we get started.”

MVW Television Title Match:
Katie Collins (c)
vs.
‘Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless

PCW Television Title Match:
The American Trucker (c) w/Tequila Sheila
(American Heartland Coalition)
vs.
SNAFU w/’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
(Independent)

MVW Grudge Cage Match:
Carrieanne McDermott
vs.
‘The Manchester Masterpiece’ Brooke Evans w/Mindy ‘The Principal’ Smyth

PCW Chamber of Doom Match:
Team MSNBC
(Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell,
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, and Arianna Huffington)
vs.
Team Fox News
(Bill O’Reilly, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Dennis Miller, Glenn Beck, and the ‘Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter)

Hall of Fame Induction
‘Not Just Intolerable, Not Just Unbearable, He is’ Justin Sufferable
The Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini

PCW Tag Team Title Match
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (c)
(American Heartland Coalition)- ranked #2 tag team in the world
vs.
Jack Schett and Bull Schett
(Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army)

MVW Tag Team Title Match
The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and ‘Sweet Southern Comfort’ Jackie Daniels)
vs.
Angels of Death (‘Ms. Lethal Weapon’ Angel Casey
and ‘The Terminatrix’ Angel Scott)

MVW Title Match
Miss USA (c) – ranked #6 in the all-woman rankings
vs.
Jill-Berg

PCW Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c)
(Democrat)
vs.
Khalid-El
(Axis of Evil)
vs.
Yamamoto Tanaka
(Independent)

Fantastic: “Chastity and I will take you through the first four matches of the night.  Katie Collins won the MVW TV Title one month ago at MVWA 20.

Replay: Katie Collins vs. Television Champion ‘The Manchester Masterpiece’ Brooke Evans- MVWA 20, Feb. 7th, 2010
Evans body slams Collins. Evans grabs Collins and applies an arm wrench.  Carrieanne McDermott runs in and jumps on the ring apron.  Mindy ‘The Principal’ Smyth over.  McDermott spears her from the ring apron and they begin to brawl on the outside.  Evans is distracted.  Collins clotheslines Evans. Collins uses a running lariat to take Evans down. Collins thrust kicks Evans in the head and then climbs the top rope.  Smyth tries to get to the ring.  McDermott holds her and then whips ‘The Principal’ into the barricade.  Evans gets hit with the shooting star press from Collins.  Ron Martin counts. …1 …2 …3

WINNER AND NEW MVW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Katie Collins

Gold: “Meanwhile, ‘Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless has been a fixture here at Missouri Valley Wrestling going back to its inception.

Replay: Brandi Bayless vs. Carrieanne McDermott- MVWA 22, Feb. 28th, 2010
[...Bayless back in.  She hits a jawbreakeron on a distracted Carrieanne.  Brandi and McDermott lock up.  Bayless slaps McDermott.  McDermott sends Bayless accidentally into Davey Keels and he goes down. McDermott does a handspring and hits Bayless with a bodyblock!  McDermott bounces Bayless off the ropes and hits a backdrop. McDermott for the cover...no referee.  Evans and Smyth hit the ring. Evans punches McDermott repeatedly and kicks her in the groin. The Principal hits McDermott with a flying somersault drop kick.  Smyth bounces McDermott's head off the mat.   Evans knee drops McDermott.  The Lingerie Girl stands up and Smyth scissor kicks her to the mat.  Evans powerbombs McDermott and drags the Lingerie Girl on top of her for a pin.  Keels revives and gets up.  He starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless @ 9:54

Fantastic: “Let’s go to the ring.”

[Jack Zenk stands in the middle of the ring ready to announce the first match.]

MATCH #1 MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
Katie Collins (c) vs. Brandi Bayless

Zenk: “Our first match of the night is for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Title.  On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 105 pounds, from Holland, Ohio, ‘Lingerie Girl’ Brandi Bayless!!!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

[Brandi Bayless walks to the ring and blows kisses to the crowd.]

Fantastic: “Big ovation tonight for the Lingerie Girl!”

Gold: “Rick, this is the biggest match in her career.  A shot at the MVW Television Title.”

Zenk: “And her opponent, weighing in at 155 pounds, from Binghamton, New York, she is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Television Champion, Katie Collins!!!”

[Collins confidently comes to the ring.]

Chastity: “Katie had a tough go of it early on after she lost the unification match against Miss USA.  But she’s really turned her game up a notch over the past few weeks.”

Fantastic: “She defeated Brooke Evans for the TV Title and that is no easy feat.”

MATCH SUMMARY
[…Katie Collins is up again. KRC knee drops Lingerie Girl. Lingerie Girl is back on his feet. Katie with a snap mare on Bayless and locks her into the sleeper. The referee checks and Bayless escapes. KRC drags Bayless to the floor. Davey Keels starts the count (.1)  Collins lifts Lingerie Girl up and drops her on the floor.  Collins and Lingerie Girl move back into the ring.  Bayless stands up. Lingerie Girl gouges Collins's eyes. Lingerie Girl gets sidewalk slammed by Katie.  Collins fist drops Bayless on the mat. Katie Collins hits Brandi Bayless with an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle. KRC stands up. Brandi Bayless is up again. Katie hits a running forearm smash on Lingerie Girl's face. Lingerie Girl moves back to his feet. Katie Collins thrust kicks Brandi Bayless in the head. KRC pins her with a backward bridge. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

Zenk: “At 3:24, the winner of this match, and still MVW Television Champion, Katie Collins!!!”

Fantastic: “Wow!  Katie looked very sharp tonight!”

Gold: “I’m surprised Bayless came out as flat as she did, Rick.  She had really wrestled well leading up to tonight.”

Fantastic: “Katie Collins picks up the big win here tonight here at Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 2010.”

————————

Championship Wrestling Council

The CWC is an inter-fed currently consisting of 13 federations.

——————————————

AWAppalachian Wrestling

DefDefiance Wrestling


Pro Wrestling X

MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING ASSOCIATION
Missouri Valley Wrestling

WMWrestling Midwest

World Fantasy Wrestling Alliance

——————-

MATCH #2 POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
Ken Worth- The American Trucker (c) w/Tequila Sheila
(American Heartland Coalition)
vs.
SNAFU w/’The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
(Independent)

[PCW ring announcer Kimber Marshall steps through the ropes to announce match #2.]

Marshall: “Our next match is a one fall, forty-five minutes time limit for the PCW Television Title.  On his way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Norway, Maine a member of Independent accompanied by Tessa Martin, SNAFU!!!

*’Eastbound and Down’ by Jerry Reed begins to play*

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.

I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.

Keep your foot hard on the pedal.
Son, never mind them brakes.
Let it all hang out ’cause we got a run to make.
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta
and there’s beer in Texarcana.
And we’ll bring it back no matter what it takes.

East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.

Marshall: “And his opponent, weighing in at 225 pounds, from Gary, Indiana a member of American Heartland Coalition and accompanied by Tequila Sheila.  He is the PCW Television Champion, Ken Worth- The American Trucker!!!”

MATCH SUMMARY
[… American Trucker slaps SNAFU. SNAFU German suplexes American Trucker thru a table! SNAFU is back on his feet. They lockup. SNAFU sends The Trucker to the corner of the ring. AT hits SNAFU with the double arm DDT into the mat. AT is up again. AT moonsaults from the top rope sending SNAFU thru a table! AT gets up. SNAFU gets up. SNAFU gives American Trucker a face buster thru a table!!! SNAFU stands up. American Trucker chokeclams SNAFU thru a table! AT climbs to the top rope and executes a Shooting Star Press putting SNAFU thru a table! American Trucker moves back to his feet. The Trucker nails SNAFU with a double underhook suplex. AT chants start. The Trucker hits a frog splash on SNAFU. AT is up again. SNAFU gets up. American Trucker hits the Jake Brake on SNAFU The Trucker catches SNAFU in a backslide and goes for the pin. Referee Davey Keels makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

Marshall: “The winner of this match at 2:51, and still PCW Television champion, Ken Worth- The American Trucker!!!

Fantastic: “Wow!  Another quick match.”

Gold: “I am very surprised, Rick.  SNAFU was the PCW Television Champion was getting a second shot at it and he did not show up tonight.”

Fantastic: “I thought Ken Worth- The American Trucker looked terrific tonight.”

———————————

BACKSTAGE


Paige McGillicutty

[Paige is backstage with Carrieanne McDermott.]

Paige: “Carrieanne, your thoughts about tonight’s match.”

Carrieanne: “Really, not much to say.  The lassie hates me.  I hate the lassie.  Tonight, we’re gonna settle it.”

Paige: “Now, you both have-”

[A loud bagpipe blares and interupts Paige.  A woman dressed in a Scottish kilt comes in.]

Paige: “And who are you?”

Woman: “You kin call me Rowdie Randie Peiffer.  I’m gonna help Carrieann destroy that Tory git Brooke Evans once en for all.”

[She starts blowing the bagpipe again causing Paige to cover her ears.  Carrieanne follows.]

——————–

Fantastic: “Her name seems…familiar…”

[Chastity rolls her eyes.]

Gold: “Rick…Rick…Rick.”

————————–

BACKSTAGE

The PCW Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism is in his dressing room surrounded by the cognoscenti of the Hollywood Elite-  Will Smith, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Denzel Washington, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Julia Roberts, Adam Sandler, Tom Cruise, Ashton Kutcher, Russell Crowe, Will Ferrell, Meryl Streep, Robert De Niro, and Ben Stiller.

Nancy Pelosi- President of the PCW Competition Committee, and Harry Reid- President of the PCW Executive Committee walk in.  A lane forms in the middle of the Hollywood elites and Chism and Pelosi stare at each other.

Chism: “Just one moment.”

[Chism walks down to Pelosi.]

Chism: “So, have you set this right?”

Pelosi: “Set this right as in, got the title match changed?  No.  You still have to face both Tanaka and Khalid-El.  That came from CEO Barack Obama and I couldn’t change his mind.”

Chism: “So, do you have a plan to make sure I retain the title after tonight?”

Pelosi: “No.”

Chism: “No?”

Pelosi: “No.  CEO Obama has made it clear that tonight there’s to be no chicanery at all.  You’re on your own.”

Chism: “And what am I supposed to do?”

Pelosi: “Stone, you’re the champion.  You figure it out.”

—————-

MATCH #3 MVW HELL IN A CELL MATCH

Carrieanne McDermott w/Rowdie Randi Peiffer
vs.
Brooke Evans w/Mandy ‘The Principal’ Smyth

[Jack Zenk back in the ring.]

Zenk: “Our next match will be a Hell in the Cell match.  On her way to the ring at this time, weighing in at 155 pounds, from Manchester, England accompanied by Mandy ‘The Principal’ Smyth, ‘The Manchester Masterpiece’ Brooke Evans!!!”

[Evans and Smyth walk briskly to the ring. ]

Fantastic: “Evans looks very focused tonight.”

Zenk: “And her opponent, weighing in at 120 pounds, led to the ring by ‘Rowdie’ Randi Pfeiffer, from Glasgow, Scotland, Carrieanne McDermott!”

[Pfeiffer, still blowing her bagpipe, leads McDermott to the ring.]

MATCH SUMMARY
[…Evans double underhook faceslams Carrieanne McDermott hard to the cage floor. Scotland's Favorite Daughter gets up. The Manchester Masterpiece hits a power slam on McDermott.  The Manchester Masterpiece swings a chair and hits McDermott. McDermott is bleeding as a result. Brooke applies an arm wrench to Scotland's Favorite Daughter. McDermott gets back to his feet. McDermott executes a huge gutbuster on Brooke Evans. McDermott stomps Evans's head. Brooke jabs Carrieanne McDermott. Scotland's Favorite Daughter tries for a gut-wrench powerbomb but The Manchester Masterpiece avoids it.  The Manchester Masterpiece uses the vertical facebuster on Scotland's Favorite Daughter. The fight moves to the top of the cell.  Evans lands punches on McDermott repeatedly. McDermott executes a swinging bulldog on Evans driving Brooke's face into the fencing. Scotland's Favorite Daughter gets up. Evans gets up. Evans grabs Carrieanne McDermott's head and DDT's her on the fencing.  Evans pulls her back up to her feet.  The Manchester Masterpiece bounces Carrieanne McDermott off the fencing and clotheslines her. Brooke slams Carrieanne McDermott through the roof onto the tacks!  Brooke goes after her. The Manchester Masterpiece chokes Carrieanne McDermott with her boot.  Brooke choke slams Scotland's Favorite Daughter. McDermott looks to be out cold! The Manchester Masterpiece goes for the pin. Davey Keels counts. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

Zenk: “The winner of this match at 9:08, Brooke Evans!!!

Fantastic: “Incredible match!”

Gold: “McDermott’s hurt, Rick.”

[Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean-up rush to the ring.]

Fantastic: “She’s bleeding for sure after taking that fall onto the tacks.  But I wonder if she landed poorly on the choke slam.”

Gold: “They’re checking her arm.”

Fantastic: “Evans walks away from the match triumphant!  And according to the stipulation, neither woman can touch the other after the match.  If either contestant breaks the stipulation, the offender will be suspended from MVW for one month.”

[Pfeiffer runs up behind Evans and swings the bagpipe, clocking Evans in the head.]

Fantastic: “I guess that doesn’t extend to seconds.’

[Pfeiffer kicks Evans.  Smyth runs in and tackles Pfeiffer.]

Fantastic: “Here we go…Smyth lays the boots to Pfeiffer.  WOW!  Pfeiffer just slapped the hell out of ‘The Principal’…but she doesn’t see Evans….enzugiri!”

Chastity: “Pfeiffer’s a sitting duck when it’s two on one.”

[Evans charges Pfeiffer, jumps up and applies the front facelock in mid air before swinging herself round and falling backwards down to the mat.]

Fantastic: “Tornado DDT on the floor by Brooke Evans!  They are simply destroying ‘Rowdie’ Randie Pfeiffer…I still say that name sounds familiar…Smyth hits a back body drop!   Now Smyth climbs up on the ring apron…moonsault!”

Gold: “The referee’s really need to stop this.”

[Smyth hooks each of Pfeiffer's legs in one of her arms, and then turns her  face-down, stepping over her in the process.  Smyth sets in a semi-sitting position and facing away from Pfeiffer, with her back and legs bent back toward her face.]

Gold: “Someone really needs to stop this.

Fantastic: “Evans stops the referee from breaking it up!  WAIT!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

[The MVW Television Champion Katie Collins runs down.  She grabs Evans from behind and then plants her to the floor.]

Gold: “Scorpion Death Drop!  It’s the Television Champion Katie Collins!  She takes Smyth by the back of her head…BULLDOG ON THE FLOOR!”

Crowd: “RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

[Evans stumbles back up the runway to the back.  She turns and glares at Collins.  Then she continues on.]

Fantastic: “I have the feeling that we haven’t seen the last of this one.”

———————————-

Live from The Slaughter House in Orlando, FL
Wednesday,March 3rd, 2o1o

3 Hour Event
Who has a DREAM, and who wants to get HOSTILE?

Charlie Blackwell vs. Chris Jamez

Tex Terror vs. Eddie Stitchard

Mr. Hardcore/Kitty Purry vs. Adrien Cochrane
Inter-Gender Handicap Match

B.R. Ellis vs. “Beautiful” Bobby Dean

The Masked Dollar vs. Bishop Steele (c)
Television Championship Match

Psymon vs. Chris Bond
Special Referee Talon

eGG Bandits vs. #4 WWR rankedTag Team Grady Bunch (c)
Tag Team Chamionship

Dream Wrestling Federation

————————————–

Turmoil 2/11/2010

  • The Kallisten Coliseum, Chicago IL
  • March 12, 2010 12:00 AM
  • Bishop Steele v “Unstable” Elix Michaels
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are Standard Match.
  • Hydra v Extreme Kaos
  • The referee for this match is Matt Boettcher, and the rules are Tag Team.
  • Static v Justin Decent v ‘The Violence’ Vince Jones
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are LSD No. 1 Contender Match.
  • The Axis OF Power v The Maurako Family©
  • The referee for this match is Matt Boettcher, and the rules are Tag Team.
  • Tag Team Titles
  • Aceldama v The Great Dane v Kirsta Lewis v Marcus Reinhardt v Christopher America v Simon Sparrow v Johnny Legend v Carmen Jennings v Mark “The Explosive” O’Neal v MPlow©
  • The referee for this match is Joel Hortega, and the rules are Hardcore Elimination.
  • Max Kael© v Ethan Cavanaugh v Scottywood
  • The referee for this match is Matt Boettcher, and the rules are Invitational Match.

High Octane Wrestling

———————————

Fantastic: “They’ve taken Carrieanne McDermott to the back.  Her right arm was immobilized and it doesn’t look good.”

Gold: “It looks like Carrieanne may be out of action for awhile.  But it seems Brooke Evans has another target in mind- the current holder of the MVW Television Title Katie Collins.”

Fantastic: “They are lowering the second of the two Elimination Chambers of Doom for the next match between Team Fox News and Team MSNBC.  Last year, many of these same contestants met in another wild affair.”

REPLAY- 8 PERSON TAG TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH:
Mr. No-Spin BILL O’REILLY, The Queen of Political Extreme ANN COULTER, The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence RUSH LIMBAUGH, and The Alaskan Pitbull SARAH PALIN
vs.
MSNBC’s KEITH OLBERMANN, MSNBC’S RACHEL MADDOW, ‘Hardball’ CHRIS MATTHEWS, and ARIANNA HUFFINGTON

Suave: “Basically, once you get pinned- you’re out. The team with the last person standing wins the match.” The bell rings. O’Reilly and Olbermann, Coulter and Maddow, Palin and Huffington, and Matthews and Limbaugh all lock up. O’Reilly with lefts to beat down Olbermann. Limbaugh talks crap at Matthews as the crowd chants ‘Oxy-contin’ at him. Limbaugh tries to toss Matthews out of the ring, but Matthews gets a wristlock. Headlock counter by Limbaugh, off the ropes and Matthews misses a dropkick. Limbaugh celebrates and then tosses Matthews through the ropes and eats a dropkick by Olbermann. Maddow is able to reverse a toss and rams Coulter into the corner. Maddow hits lefts and rights. Coulter tries to come out but Maddow tosses her back first into the corner. Huffington escapes a powerslam and takes Palin down…

…Suave: “AND IT’S DOWN TO LIMBAUGH vs. OLBERMANN. Olbermann swings wildly at Limbaugh with the bat. Limbaugh out of the ring and finds a steel-folding chair. Olbermann on the floor now. He swings. *CLANK* Limbaugh blocks it with the chair. Limbaugh and Olbermann begin to taunt each other. Olbermann swings again. *CLANK* The bat nails the ring post. Limbaugh smirks. Olbermann sneers. He again cocks the bat back to swing. The crowd rises when two men run out and grab the bat. Suave: “IT’S CNBC’S RICK SANTELLI AND JIM CRAMER!” Olbermann whirls around to see. *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! LIMBAUGH NAILS OLBERMANN WITH THE CHAIR! OLBERMANN STAGGERS AND FALLS ON THE RING TABLE!” Santelli and Cramer set Olbermann up. Limbaugh climbs the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “HE’S NOT! HE’S NOT GOING TO DO THIS!” Limbaugh leaps and plows Olbermann through the table. Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! OLBERMANN DESTROYED THAT TABLE! LIMBAUGH CRAWLS OVER. 1…2…3.”

WINNER: RUSH LIMBAUGH, BILL O’REILLY, SARAH PALIN, AND ANN COULTER

MATCH #5  THE TWIN CHAMBERS OF EXTREME DOOM MATCH

Bill O’Reilly, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Dennis Miller, Glenn Beck, and ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter
vs.

Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Arianna Huffington

Fantastic: “And here they all come.  This is going to be fun.  Chastity, explain the concept of this match.”

Gold: “Okay, Rick.  Essentially, there are two Chambers of Extreme Doom.  Both teams will be split into three for each chamber- the left chamber and the right chamber.  The winner is determined by either 1) members of the same team emerging as winners in both chambers, or 2) the final two contestants hash it out to determine the winner.”

Fantastic: “Sounds easy enough.   Right now, they are loading up both Chambers of Extreme Doom.  Here’s the lineup for each Chamber…”

LEFT:
FOX- Dennis Miller, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter
MSNBC- Lawrence O’Donnell, Arianna Huffington, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews

RIGHT:
FOX- Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Bill O’Reilly
MSNBC- Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann

Gold: “It looks like they’re ready to go, Rick.”

[The bell sounds.]

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[MSNBC's Lawrence O’Donnell and Fox's Dennis Miller to start.  O'Donnell scores with some stiff kicks and a flying forearm on Miller for 2. A dropkick gets 2 more on Miller.  O’Donnell goes to the arm but gets caught with a kick to the gut and a knee to the head.  O’Donnell tries to mount a comeback but bites a big back elbow and a running foot to the chest. They each counter hip tosses onto the metal grating,  O’Donnell hits an head kick and gets a 2 count. O’Donnell's whip is reversed but Miller runs into a boot.  O’Donnell tries a sunset flip but Miller drops down to counter. Again O’Donnell tries some kicks but he gets shoved into the side of Arianna Huffington's pod. Uranage backbreaker by Miller gets 2. The countdown stops and next man out is...Arianna Huffington! She gives a sinister smile and stares down Dennis Miller.  They face off while O’Donnell convalesces, and here come the fisticuffs!  Huffington gets the upper hand and nails the high knee. Knee drop by Huffington gets 2. Corner clothesline by Arianna, and she beats Miller down. Another clothesline gets a 2 count. O’Donnell is still lounging around, while Miller and Huffington each try and take each other to the chainlink.  Huffington elbows Miller and clotheslines him back into the ring, but gets a boot to the face on a charge.  Miller goes for a power bomb on the diminutive Huffington, Arianna gets out the back and hits a DDT for 2.  O’Donnell off the top with a crossbody to Miller for 2!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[It's Ed Schultz and Glenn Beck to start.  Schultz takes Beck down with a shoulder then eats a leg lariat and gets 2.  Whip by Beck, Schultz avoids a couple of attacks and hits a leg lariat of his own for two.  He throws Beck onto the grating but Schultz gets a double-leg and CATAPULTS Beck into the chain! He takes Beck into a pod then goes up top...SOMERSAULT SENTON off the top into Beck!  Schultz whips Beck into the chain three times then rolls him back inside.   Beck looks as if he's about to have a stroke.  Schultz misses a kick. Beck takes him up for the suplex!  Schultz out the back, he misses the corkscrew elbow and gets NAILED with a stiff kick and then the  Vertical Conservative Press! 1...2...3!]

Glenn Beck eliminates Ed Schultz via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[10-spot punches in the corner by Miller to Huffington and a flying clothesline. SLINGSHOT BOOM DROP to Huffington on the grating! Miller blindsides her with a clothesline and rolls him back inside for a 2 count. Countdown is on...'Hardball' Chris Matthews!  He clotheslines Miller and stamps on him.   Miller responds and levels O’Donnell with a European uppercut but then Matthews stamps on Miller some more.  Kneedrop to the head of Miller.  Cover on Miller gets 2. Matthews sends Miller to the grating and then throws him into the chainlink! Again! And again! Huffington comes over and she gets a hat trick of chainlink!  Matthews stamps away at Miller.  O’DONNELL! He flies in and takes out all three! Matthews rolls inside, O’Donnell springboards INTO A DROPKICK BY DENNIS MILLER!  1...2...no!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
Glenn Beck gets the mic and points to Keith Olbermann, telling him he better pray that his pod opens last because Beck is going to make him tap. He points to Rachel Maddow and says he will prove that her decadent lifestyle leads to no good. Then he wants us to feel the Glenn Beck flow through him.  Ew. The countdown is on…MADDOW!  She comes out with right hands and the springboard senton! Crossbody gets 2!  She rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Beck’s head to the 5th row! 1…2…no!  Drop toehold by Maddow.  No.  She’s not going to try the 619!  Here it comes…Maddow jumps through the second and top rope while holding on to the ropes, and uses the momentum to swing back around into the ring…and right into a POWERSLAM by Beck! 1…2…no!  He sets for the Vertical Conservative Press, REVERSED! Rana by Maddow! 1…2…no! Maddow goes on the attack on the grating, he tries the rana but Beck holds on! He swings Maddow into the chains HARD! And again! He throws him into the ring, cover! 1…2…no. Running high knee by Beck, he runs and LAUNCHES Maddow between the ropes and head-first into a pod!  1…2…2.809!  Beck perches Maddow up top and goes up with her, Maddow fights him off and Maddow is climbing the pod! Beck chases him and NO WAY! VERTICAL CONSERVATIVE PRESS from the top??!!! No, Maddow slides off. She kicks out the foot of Beck, crotching him, and goes up top…RANA to the steel! Springboard splash! 1…2…3!!!]

Rachel Maddow eliminates Glenn Beck via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[Miller is up and he rams Matthews arm-first into the corner! Countdown! Sean Hannity!  He goes after everyone except Miller, then stares him down in the corner. Matthews is slumped against the bottom turnbuckle.   Hannity offers his hand to Miller!  He pulls Miller up and both men go after Arianna. They stomp him down then go after Matthews, ramming his shoulder into the post. They grind O’Donnell's face into the chain and then choke him on it. Oh this is awesome, O’Donnell's head is stuck in the chainlink while Hannity applies a Boston Crab and Miller stamps on his back.  Huffington and Miller exchange rights until Hannity clocks him from behind. Miller holds Huffington while Hannity lays the boots in, then they throw her to the grating. They throw Huffington back-first into the chain, and now Miller is setting Huffington for the elevated DDT...he stops, goes to the grating and DROPS HER ON THE STEEL INSTEAD!!!]

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[Bill O'Reilly in!  Maddow flips over the back of O’Reilly but gets levelled with a clothesline. BIG flapjack by O’Reilly.  Lionsault attempt, O’Reilly lands on his feet bit Maddow dropkicks the knee! O’Reilly rolls out of the ring to the grating, Maddow tries a springboard but O’Reilly ducks, Maddow holds on to the chain! O’Reilly yanks her off and Maddow lands face-first on the steel! O’Reilly takes her to the chain twice, Maddow rolls inside and O’Reilly hits a slingshot splash for 2.  O’Reilly stands on Maddow's back.  Maddow fights back with some kicks but O’Reilly hits a snap mare and locks in a modified arm-in chinlock.]

O’Reilly: “ASK HER!”

[Maddow fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits a quebrada press for 2. Maddow avoids a charge, tilt-a-whirls herself and locks in a guillotine choke. O’Reilly rams Maddow into the turnbuckle to break the hold and then locks in the STF!  O’Reilly breaks the hold when Sarah Palin enters the match.  But the extra help does him no good as he eats a dropkick, and another from Maddow.  O’Reilly gets launched to the grating.  Palin attacks Maddow and tries to lift her to the grating, Maddow lands on her feet! Springboard INTO A STIFF KICK by Palin! O’Reilly reverses a knee lift by Maddow into a schoolboy for 2. He whips Maddow in but charges into a boot, Palin to the top but Maddow jumps up with her and pushes him backwards into a pod! Maddow charges O’Reilly but gets lifted on to the grating! He pushes Maddow into the chain and sets for a flying double clothesline over the corner post!  Got it!  Inside he hits the standing SSP for 2.  Maddow hits a back elbow to a charging Palin and ranas her into 619 position...again, she can't pull off the move as O’REILLY intercepts with the spinning shock treatment! 1...2...no! He whips Maddow to the corner but eats the flying Chuck on her return! Maddow ranas Palin to the bottom turnbuckle!  She puts Palin up top...here comes the super rana...PALIN BLOCKS! Eskimo Pieface...CONNECTS! 1...2...3!]

Sarah Palin eliminates Rachel Maddow

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[The countdown starts as Matthews circles the door to Ann Coulter's pod. Here comes 'The Queen of Political Extreme and she is a house of fire.   Shoulders and clotheslines everywhere! Right hand for Matthews! Throwback to Matthews... She takes him up for a Attitude Adjustment and drops him TO THE GRATING!  Matthews has recovered enough to throw Coulter out onto the grating, leaving Hannity as the last man up.  I think O’Donnell is still stuck in the fence. Matthews tries to take Coulter to the chain but it's reversed! STF to Matthews!  Matthews breaks it up! Chinlock backbreaker! He stalks Coulter and what?  John McCain is at ringside with a lead pipe! He's trying to get Coulter's attention and make good with the conservative movement but Coulter wants none of it, so McCain drops the pipe in the ring anyway.  Hannity has the pipe! He nails...MATTHEWS! He covers Matthews! 1...2...3!]

Sean Hannity  eliminates ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews via pinfall

[Hannity levels Huffington as Matthews and Miller stare each other down. Hannity picks up O’Donnell but gets countered with a headscissors back into the ring! O’Donnell...Trouble in Paradise on Miller! 1...2...3!]

Lawrence O’Donnell  eliminates Dennis Miller via pinfall

[Hannity NAILS O'Donnell with the pump kick.  Power Bomb...connects! 1...2...3!]

Hannity eliminates O’Donnell via pinfall

(RIGHT CHAMBER)
[Guess who's in?  Keith Olbermann and the fun begins.  Kicks to the chest of O’Reilly, he goes to the well one too many times and O’Reilly catches the leg! Leg trip by O’Reilly, he tries to lock in the Boston Crab.  Olbermann bails and catches O’Reilly with right hands and hits an avalanche.  Snake eyes and the big boot connects. Another boot for Palin, big leg to O’Reilly gets 2.  Chokeslam time for Palin!  O'Reilly and Palin work together and hit a double suplex on Olbermann. They clothesline Olbermann up and over, Palin with a Magistral cradle! 1...2...no! O’Reilly rolls outside then backdrops Olbermann to the grating. O’Reilly toys with Olbermann, which may go down as the dumbest move ever. Olbermann gets pissed and O’Reilly tries to hide in the pod...unsuccessfully. Olbermann pulverises him then hits an avalanche on Palin, and a second. Snake eyes by Olbermann and the big FLYING CHUCK! He nailed it! He's selling the ankle injury though! Instead of the pin he goes for the Big Splash...KNEES!  O’Reilly thinks this would be a good time to go after Olbermann, but Olbermann sits up in time and O’Reilly flees to the pod and closes the door. Olbermann looks out of it but throws Palin to the grating and stamps away. He throws Palin into the pod door and the plexiglass gives but does not go down. Olbermann goes for a power slam on Palin...O’Reilly charges and spears Olbermann! Palin hangs on to the chains as Olbermann charges O’Reilly...O’Reilly moves! Olbermann goes THROUGH the pod plexiglass! Palin comes off the chains with a crossbody!  Palin and O’Reilly roll into the ring.  Palin forgot about Olbermann and gets goozled! CHOKESLAM to the grating! 1...2...3!]

Keith Olbermann eliminates Sarah Palin via pinfall

(LEFT CHAMBER)
[Coulter gets hit with a knee trembler by Huffington.  Coulter gets her up for the Attitude Adjustment but Huffington escapes and hits the uranage backbreaker again. Powerslam gets 2.  She hangs Coulter in the Tree of Woe and stamps away, then snags Coulter for the sleeper...Arianna breaks off and low blows Hannity.  PEDIGREE TO HANNITY!  She drapes an arm over him! 1...2...3!!!]

Arianna Huffington eliminates Hannity via pinfall (Pedigree)

[Coulter struggle to his feet...STF! Huffington struggles and fights and struggles...Coulter holds on...Arianna fights for the ropes...Coulter wrenches back...Huffington looks to be fading...SHE TAPS!]

Ann Coulter eliminates Huffington
Ann Coulter wins the Left Chamber.

(RIGHT)
[Olbermann stalks O’Reilly, O’Reilly charges and eats a pair of rights. Corner beating by Olbermann now, he backs up and hits a running high knee in the corner.  He tries a running boot but O’Reilly moves! He goes up top with Olbermann...superplex connects! 1...2...2.68! Knee drop by O’Reilly and some rights, he comes off the ropes GOOZLE! O’Reilly rolls through to the Walls! Olbermann counters with Hell's Gate...BLOCKED! Sleeper locked in! Olbermann has nowhere to go! He rolls to his back and almost gets the Hell's Gate, O’Reilly fights and uses the ropes as leverage to escape!  He picks up O’Reilly for the power bomb...O’Reilly out the back!  DDT! 1...2...2.9003! O’Reilly with the 10-count punches in the corner, Olbermann grabs on! SIT DOWN POWER BOMB.  Wait!  John McCain with another pipe!  Pipe shot through the grating, Olbermann ducks and O'Reilly CATCHES IT FLUSH!  McCain can't believe it!  Olbermann covers! 1...2...3!]

Keith Olbermann eliminates Bill O’Reilly
Keith Olbermann wins the Right Chamber

[J.D. Hayworth runs out and tackles McCain.]

Fantastic: “Hayworth is laying a beatdown on John McCain.  McCain tried to shore up his credentials with the conservatives and it’s totally backfired.”

[Hayworth and McCain brawl all the way to the back.]

Gold: “Rick, it’s down to Keith Olbermann vs. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter.”

Fantastic: “Mano y womano.”

Gold: “You have such a way with words, Rick.”

Fantastic: “I know.”

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann
vs.
Fox News’s Ann Coulter

Fantastic: “The gate goes up and it’s on!  Olbermann and Coulter just pummel each other on the top level of these Twin Chambers of Extreme Doom!”

[Olbermann sweeps the legs out from under Coulter.  Coulter lands hard but instinctly thrust kicks Olbermann in the balls.  Olbermann falls over and he's in a world of hurt.  Coulter pulls out...the cheese grater and tenderizes Olbermann's forehead with it.  Olbermann with a wild left hand sends Coulter and the cheese grater flying across the top of the cage.  Olbermann wearing the crimson mask.  Coulter slowly gets back up.  Olbermann can't see very well.  He charges Coulter.  SPEAR!]

Fantastic: “SPEAR RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!”

Gold: “Oh my God…”

[Olbermann and Coulter land in the ring after going through the other levels of the cage.  They're both out.  But Olbermann lands on top of Coulter.  The referee makes the count...1...2...3.]

WINNER: MSNBC- Olbermann pins Coulter

Fantastic: “I think they’re both dead.”

Gold: “If not, they should be.”

Fantastic: “Team MSNBC picks up the win in the Twin Chambers of Extreme Doom Match.  We’re going to do an announcer switch and Johnny Suave will take you the rest of the way.  We’ll be back after this.”

PCW Night of Champions, Left Wing and Right Wing Bloggers Meet Barney…the Dinosaur, Blue Dog D and RINO-PCW Extreme Political TV-Part 1

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: April 7th from the Palace of Political Extreme in Archbold, Ohio
HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain


The crowd chants ‘PCW!…PCW!…PCW! Johnny Suave stands in the middle of the ring with the life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain. Suave: “WELCOME TO P-C-W NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS!” Huge roar from the crowd. Suave: “I AM JOHNNY SUAVE. THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN! AS REPORTED SUNDAY NIGHT, TONIGHT IS THE LAST EXTREME POLITICAL TV SHOW ON TUESDAY NIGHTS. NEXT WEEK, WE GO TO WEDNESDAY NIGHTS!” More cheering. Suave: TONIGHT, FOUR TITLE MATCHES ON THE CARD. LET’S RUN THEM DOWN…”

-Newt Tron Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs. PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido for the TV Title.

-Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini (Independent) vs. PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Domination Inc.) for the Tag Team Belts.

-Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. PCW Women’s Champion ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Joe SixPacks) for the Women’s Title.

-A. Tom Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs. PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama for the PCW Title.

Suave is back at the announcer’s table. Suave: But before we get to that, we’ve got a grudge match dating back to a match a week and a half ago. Let’s take a look.”

REPLAY FROM 3/29-PCW ON P-SPAN: MATCH #1- SEMI FINAL #1 OF THE WOMEN’S TOURNAMENT#6 DAISY CUTTER-BOMB w/Domination Inc. (Domination Inc.) vs. #2 KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
Kalee came out on fire and controlled the match until Domination Inc. got involved. Kathryn Randall Collins through powder in Jones’s face. That prompted ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin to intervene. Palin took a swipe at KRC but was restrained by Rough Justice aka…D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former policemen fired because of their extreme methods of dispensing justice. Rough Justice handcuffed Palin to the ring ropes and Television Reality Show Star Mia Margarita delivered a ‘Long Kiss Goodnight’ on the Eskimo Queen. Daisy added a Daisy Cutter Power Bomb for good measure and that was that.

MATCH #1
DAISY CUTTER-BOMB w/Domination Inc. (Domination Inc.) vs.
KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
Kalee glares at Daisy. Suave: “The Eskimo Queen is staring hard at Daisy Cutter-Bomb. There’s the bell. Daisy high tails out of the ring.” The crowd starts to boo. Suave: “What the hell?” Daisy confers with Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired from their jobs because of their rough and extreme methods of law enforcement. More boos roll in. Sarah Palin starts yelling at Rough Justice. Suave: “The referee begins to count.” Kalee hasn’t moved from the corner. She eyes Daisy talking to Ruff and Justice. Kalee throws herself into the ropes and slingshots out. Suave: “No way…” Jones leaps over the top rope and crushes Daisy, Ruff, and Justice. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Another ‘PCW!…PCW!’ chant starts. Suave: “Kalee throws Daisy back in the ring. SHE’S GOT DAISY UP! YES! ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE! COVER! ONE…TWO…MIA MARGARITA INTERFERES AND BREAKS THE COUNT! SHE GOES FOR THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT! NO! KALEE GRABS HER BY THE THROAT! KALEE LIFTS THE ‘SHOT AT SCORING WITH A SLEAZY VIDEO CHANNEL REALITY STAR’ IN THE AIR! CHOKE SLAM!” Mia bounces high off the canvas, arms and legs flailing. Suave: “SHE PULLS MIA UP BY THE HAIR…ESKIMO PIEFACE! KALEE DROVE MIA’S FACE RIGHT INTO THE CANVAS.” Mia bounces again in the air and turns 180 degrees to land face up and sprawled out. Suave: “KALEE WALKS OVER TO DAISY AND PICKS HER UP…NO…SHE’S GOING TO DO IT AGAIN! YES! ESKIMO PIEFACE! COVER. ONE…TWO…THREE!”

WINNER: KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen

DOMINATION INC. SUITE
‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann watches the end of the match with CFO Gordon Guyko. McMann turns the TV off in disgust. Guyko: “Listen, Mr. McMann. As I said before, some of the backers are becoming very nervous. You’ve lost two of the belts. We’re getting our ass kicked on a weekly basis. They want to know when they’ll start seeing results again.” McMann: “Gordon, the problem is there’s a mole in our organization passing on critical corporate information to PCW. Everytime we’ve come up with a plan, PCW was able to shut it down. If we don’t get this problem under control, we’re going to have serious problems.” Guyko: “Then my advice to you is get it under control and fast. Time is running out.”

JOE SIXPACKS LOCKER ROOM
Kevin Scott removes the last shirt from his locker and puts it in his duffel bag while PCW Women’s Champion ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin watches. Tessa: “I know you’ve lost your smile, Kevin. But I wish you’d reconsider. You’re just going through a down period.” Kevin: “Thanks, Tess. I need a break from wrestling. Ever since I lost the PCW Title in November, I haven’t been the same. Right now, I just don’t have it anymore.” Kevin hugs Tess. Kevin: “Take care and thanks for everything.” Kevin walks towards the exit.

Suave: “That’s sad. Kevin Scott was part of the greatest match in PCW history last November at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. The performance that he and new PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama put on that night was electric. Hopefully, we’ll see him back in PCW soon. We’re waiting for our next match, the Angry Left Wing Bloggers versus the Right Wing Brigadiers. But there seems to be a hold up.”

BACK ROOM
Blue Dog D (Progressive Alliance) herds the Angry Left Wing Bloggers-Eric Alterman, Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, Jane Hamsher, Arianna Huffington, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ed Shultz and Rachel Maddow, into a back room. Suave: “Okay, that’s strange. Blue Dog D is supposed to be one of the referees.”

HALLWAY
Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) enters the building. He immediately locks eyes with Norm Coleman (American Patriots) who’s talking to some people on the other side of the room. Glares ensue.

BACK ROOM
RINO (Republican in Name Only) (American Patriots) leads the Right Wing Brigadiers into the back room. Laura Ingraham, Michelle Malkin, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh follow him in. They immediately see the Angry Left Wing Bloggers. The atmosphere becomes very tense.

COMMERCIAL TIME
The road to No Recovery continues as BWE Promotion’s Asian Invasion Tour hits the Pynk Candy Arena in Kuching, Malaysia! Tonight for the first time ever, BWE Heavyweight Champion Mo Morrissey teams up with No. 1 contender Mojomike take on The Sporting Blog members Chris Littman & Spencer Hall! Philly The Kid debuts tonight, and gets his wish of facing The Blog Stalker in a DND match! Plus, two Money in the Blog qualifying matches and much more!

Check out our good friend David Funk and BWE Throwdown! – April 7, 2009 at Basic Blogonomics.com.

BACK DOOR
Kevin Scott leaves PCW Hall for the final time.

BACK ROOM
Blue Dog D and RINO hold the door shut as the occupants inside (the Angry Left Wing Bloggers and Right Wing Brigadiers) pound on the door. RINO padlocks the door shut. Blue Dog D goes over to a stereo system and puts in a CD. Then he picks up a microphone. Blue Dog D: “For too long, PCW has been dominated by extremists on both side. RINO and I may belong to different groups, but we agree on one thing- we all have to work together. American Patriot. Progressive Alliance. We all have to pull together.” RINO: “Well said, Blue Dog D. So in that spirit, enjoy the music we’re providing just for you.” Inside the room, Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olbermann stand eye to eye with each other. Then the soft sound of a lullby-type song filled the room. Then Barney the Dinosaur started to sing. “I love you…you love me…”
Suave: “We’ll check back later to see how they’re faring. I can’t wait…”

REPLAY FROM 4/5-PCW ON P-SPAN:
SNAFU w/Dr. Bill (Dr. Bill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. Newt Tron Bomb w/S.M. Art Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs. Dave the Mechanic w/Tequila Sheila (Joe SixPacks)
Three way match with the winner facing PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido on Tuesday night’s PCW Extreme Political TV. Dave the Mechanic’s return to the ring after a layoff was a short one. Newt Tron Bomb apparently ate a rather spicy dinner and came to the ring all gassy as hell. Bad news for not only his opponents but anyone downwind. N-Bomb’s ‘Silent But Deadly’ took out Dave in less than two minutes. SNAFU gamely tried to fight through the noxious gas. But as Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up (all wearing gas masks) worked feverishly giving smelling salts to the people in the first couple rows who’d also been KO’d by N-Bomb’s lethal gas emissions, SNAFU finally submitted to the inevitable and passed out.

Suave: “Earlier tonight, N-Bomb was seen scarfing down a healthy bowl of pork and beans with a Pepsi cola.”

MATCH #2 for the PCW TV Championship
NEWT TRON BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb and Incendiary Bomb (McCain’s Marauders) vs.

“No Frills” CHRIS ESCONDIDO (C) (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “N-Bomb stunk his way to a PCW TV Title shot. Can he continue his foul odiforous ways? Yes…I’m using big words.” The bell rings. Suave: “N-Bomb and Escondido lock up. Elbow to the ribs by Escondido. Leg scissors takedown. Cover by Escondido. Kick out at 2. N-Bomb tries to back away but Escondido cuts him off. Knee lift by the champ. Oooh. Solid right hands. Irish whip. N-Bomb reverses and sends Escondido to the corner.” N-Bomb catches Escondido coming back out and hits a bulldog on him. Suave: “N-Bomb to the top. Hits the sledge to the arm of Edge. N-Bomb for a crossbody. ESCONDIDO TURNS IT INTO A BACKWARDS SLAM! GREAT MOVE BY THE TELEVISION CHAMPS.” N-Bomb rolls out of the ring to talk with S.M. Art Bomb.

Suave: “N-Bomb back in and he gets chopped by Escondido. I-BOMB IN THE RING. HOLY CRAP! HE JUST LEVELED ESCONDIDO WITH A CLOTHESLINE!” I-Bomb then leaves. N-Bomb follows with a dropkick and an arm drag. Suave: “Escondido staggers up and walks into a sidewalk slam. Now N-Bomb chops the TV champ. Escondido tries to beg off…and I-Bomb grabs him. HE’S CHOKING HIM IN THE CORNER! Head butt by I-Bomb! N-Bomb turns around. HE’S GOING FOR THE SILENT BUT DEADLY!” N-Bomb sticks his butt in Escondido’s face. Suave: “ESCONDIDO BACK KICKS I-BOMB!” Escondido grabs N-Bomb and pushes him into the corner. I-Bomb grabs his nose and falls off the ring apron. Suave: “SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! ESCONDIDO BULLDOGS N-BOMB! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! N-BOMB TAPS OUT!”

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO

BACKSTAGE
Nancy Pelosi walks down the hall. She runs into Steny Hoyer. Pelosi: “Where’s the Angry Left Wing Bloggers? Weren’t they supposed to be in a match tonight?” Hoyer: “I thought so. But I haven’t seen any of them since earlier tonight.” Pelosi: “Odd. I wonder where they could be.”

BACK ROOM
The music from the children’s show Barney is driving everyone inside up the wall. Laura Ingraham and Rachel Maddow don’t agree on anything. But both of them put their differences aside to pound on the door, screaming to be let out as Barney sings another verse of “The Wheels On the Bus Go Round and Round…” Suave: “Wow. Maybe there’s hope for us yet.”

————–

12/18- PCW Completely Deranged: Coleman vs. Franken III Steel Cage Ladder Deathmatch Ends in Major Controversy

PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED- December 18th from Minneapolis, Minnesota. HOST: Johnny Suave

PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)

Johnny Suave and his sidekick, a life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain at the recent CMA’s…

…are in the ring.

Suave: HELLO AND WELCOME TO PCW COMPLETELY DERANGED ON P-SPAN!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “WE ARE LIVE FROM MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA FOR TONIGHT’S MATCH THAT WILL SETTLE THIS THING ONCE AND FOR ALL BETWEEN NORM COLEMAN OF THE AMERICAN PATRIOTS AND AL FRANKEN OF THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!” Suave: “I’d like to give a quick shout out to Chris Stellar from Minnesota Independent.com who’s here watching this madness tonight. All right, we’ve got-” Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Eric Alterman, Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, and Media Matters For America) walk out. Suave: “Well, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you-” Arianna: “Save it, Suave. I’m upset. We…are upset. Suave: “Okay. What about?” Arianna: “What about? You know darn well what we’re upset about. Her.” Suave: “Sarah Palin?” Arianna: “We’re upset about her too. But she’s not the one we’re upset about now.” Suave: “OHHHHH. I think I’ve got it…”

REPLAY- 12/16 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV:

…Obama: “And least, but not least, in lieu of Mr. McMann’s concerns and the actions taken by Domination Inc. over the past few months, I have decided to appoint a Security Director for PCW. Would the new PCW Security Director please come out?” A spotlight illuminates the back. ‘Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill comes out. Mr. McMann looks shocked. Suave: “YES! OH HELL, YES!”…

Obama: “You see, Mr. McMann. She may be a member of the American Patriots. But I’m determined to put the best people in the right spots. Dawn McGill is the right person for this job.” McGill climbs in the ring and walks over to Obama. They shake hands and then McGill leaves…

Suave: “So, what’s the problem?” Arianna: “What’s the problem? We just got done working to get Barack Obama selected to be the new PCW CEO and he goes out and brings in Dawn McGill, a member of the American Patriots, to be PCW’s Security Director! How could hire a member of the American Patriots to such an important position?” Suave: “Because she’s qualified?” Arianna: That’s doesn’t matter. She’s the enemy. She’s on the same side as…as…him.” Suave: “George W?” Arianna: “Yes! Why couldn’t Obama pick someone from the Progressive Alliance to head up our security?” Suave: “Because no one was as qualified as Dawn McGill?” Arianna: “That’s irrelevant! That’s…that’s…” Suave: “ButI thought Obama was about change we could believe in.” For once, Arianna is speechless. She starts to respond. Then her face turns bright red. Arianna: “HUMPH!” Then she spins and stomps away with the Angry Left Wing Bloggers in tow.

Suave: “Last week on PCW Extreme Political TV from Alaska, PCW Television Champion Chris Escondido and Dave the Mechanic wrestled for the title but the match was interrupted by Dr. Bill and SNAFU.

LAST WEEK ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV IN ALASKA:

Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!” Dave fights it and tries to pull his way to the ropes. Run in by SNAFU and he blasts Escondido with a chair. Suave: “IT’S SNAFU AND DR. BILL!”
*
SNAFU whiffs on a second chair shot.
Escondido takes him down and puts SNAFU in the ankle lock. Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!” SNAFU immediately taps out and pounds the ring canvas. Dr. Bill limps up to the ring edge, holding his crutches with one hand. Suave: “That’s really not a good idea! *WHACK* HOLY CRAP! DR. BILL JUST CRACKED ESCONDIDO OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS CRUTCH!” Escondido stumbles back. Then his head clears and he sees Dr. Bill. Dr. Bill’s eyes widen. Escondido grabs him and flips Dr. Bill over the top rope. Then he grabs his good ankle and puts him in an ankle lock. Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK!” Dr. Bill pounds the mat with his fists. SNAFU sees him…and something changes. He sets a chair up. He whips himself against the ropes, jumps from the chair onto the top rope, and then jumps back and nearly takes Escondido’s head off. Escondido lands flat on his back. Dr. Bill grabs his good ankle in pain. SNAFU folds the chair and hits the Arabian Facebuster on Escondido.

Suave: “Dr. Bill suffered another broken ankle last week. Now, let’s see if Escondido and Dave can get a match in.”

MATCH #1 PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO © (Progressive Alliance) vs. DAVE the MECHANIC (Joe Sixpacks)

Escondido opens up with chops. Dave tires of that and takes the leg. He tries for the STF but Escondido blocks it. Dave then sneaks in the first cheap shot with a knee to the head while Escondido was in the ropes. Escondido fires back with lefts and rights. Hip toss. Escondido opens up a bit with some heavy kicks. Dave fires back with chops. Dave catches the TV Champ with a flying knee and a lariat. Cover. 1…2…easy kick out. Dave puts Escondido in the Surfboard. Escondido escapes and blasts Dave with a diving forearm. Escondido breaks out an atomic drop. He climbs up the corner turnbuckle. Swan dive headbutt! Escondido covers. 1…2…kick out by Dave. Dave forearms Escondido in the jaw! Monkey flip…but Escondido reverses and slingshots Dave into the ropes. Suave: “Tell you what, Dave may not win this match but he’s really come a long, long way.”

Again, Escondido with chops. Irish whip off the ropes. Suave: “GUTWRENCH SUPLEX BY ESCONDIDO!” He follows with a belly to belly suplex. Then a Northern Lights suplex. Suave: “Escondido is breaking out the suplexes tonight.” Dave’s in trouble. Hammerlock by Escondido. Snapmare take down. Dave up. Knee to the gut by Escondido. Bulldog. Dave face first on the mat. Escondido whips around and grabs Dave’s ankle. Suave: “ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! ANKLE LOCK! AND AGAIN HERE COMES SNAFU!”

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS DR. BILL AND HIS MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR DOING OUT HERE? HE’S GOT TWO BROKEN ANKLES!” SNAFU waffles Dave the Mechanic with the chair and knocks him out. Escondido tackles SNAFU and they brawl. SNAFU gains the advantage and drop kicks Escondido out of the ring. Escondido on the floor in front of Dr. Bill. Suave: “Okay. Now everytime Dr. Bill has interjected himself into a match with Escondido, he ends up with broken bones. Will he learn from last week?” Dr. Bill takes his cane and raps it on Escondido’s leg. Suave: “Apparently, that’s a no.” Escondido takes the cane away from Dr. Bill. Suave: “WATCH OUT! SNAFU’S ON THE TOP ROPE! HE JUMPS!” SNAFU jumps right at Escondido who’s standing right in front of Dr. Bill. Dr. Bill’s eyes widen as he see SNAFU coming. Dr. Bill: “Ohhhh shhhhhhh-” Escondido is propelled right into Dr. Bill and causes his wheelchair to tip backwards. Dr. Bill instinctively tries to stop the fall with his hand. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SNAFU JUST TOOK OUT BOTH ESCONDIDO AND DR. BILL!” Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!” Dr. Bill holds his arm and it looks bad. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! DR. BILL MAY HAVE BROKEN HIS ARM!”

Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew come out to attend to Dr. Bill.

Suave: “While they’re getting the ring set for tonight’s steel cage ladder deathmatch, we brought some guests here from Northwest Ohio to entertain you. Ladies and gentlemen, THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES!”

The Pirates lead singer Junior Jackson plays the mandolin introduction to their song American Elitist. Junior: “YOU GUYS READY TO GO?” Crowd: “YESSSSSSS!” Junior: “All right, let’s go!”

Junior (sings):
I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Don’t want to be smug, self-absorbed, and conceited
Looking down your nose while sipping cappuccino
Push your political views cause you act or hit a high note
*
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
I guess we’re supposed to listen, cause you’ve got a Hollywood star
Your perks and privilege gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
*
So Barbra Streisand, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like Michael Moore, hell, you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide behind the velvet ropes and you can kiss our ass
*
*
I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Corporate greed feeds the rich, the rest of us simply bleed yes
Golden parachutes, they protect the big gun
While no one gives a damn about the little ones
*
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And I guess you’ve got a better way since you drive a fancy car
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
*
So Rush Limbaugh, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like, Dick Cheney, hell you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide out at your country clubs and you can kiss our ass
*
*
I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Big money special interests, well they get what they need yeah
One dollar equals one vote, that’s the way the game’s played
While the rest of us watch as our dreams slowly slip away
*
I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And if you’ve got the cash to pay, you get all the fun
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.
*
Hey NRA, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists Hey you, George Soros, you’d better believe us Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Spend your cash, buy an election and you can kiss our ass
*
Hey Wall Street Journal, you won’t defeat us You and the rest of the American Elitists Like Rolling Stone, you’d better believe us.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Watch us from your ivory towers and you can kiss our ass

Junior: “ALL RIGHT!” The crowd stands and gives the Pirates a standing ovation. Junior: “LET’S DO ONE MORE OKAY?” Junior trades his mandolin for an acoustic guitar. He begins to strum. Junior: “EVERYBODY SING ALONG! YOU KNOW THE WORDS.”

Junior (sings):
Keith, you hit it big at ESPN
But your tenure there came to an abrupt end
I know it seems so silly
They won’t let you in the building
Even when you went back, and worked for them again

Keith, you didn’t let them keep you down
So you traveled on from town to different town
Fox Sports didn’t work out well
MSNBC the first time was hell
Because Clinton and Lewinsky, they both were going down

But on Countdown, you found the thing that finally worked
So you became more of an overbearing elitist jerk
And now you just don’t care
That to you Fox News looks balanced and fair
And you make good ol’ Ann Coulter, seem almost moderate to us

Junior: “All right, let’s go now…”

(sings)

Keith
You’re the hero of the left.
And the cultural elitists
Who think they’re better than the rest
With your furrowed brow
Your mocking smile
Special Comments serious and terse
I might be the worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

Junior: “All right, everyone follow the bouncing ball and sing along!”

Everyone (sings):
Keith
You’re the hero of the left.
And the cultural elitists
Who think they’re better than the rest
With your furrowed brow
Your mocking smile
And Special Comments serious and terse
I might be the worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe
You said, I might be the worst person in the world
But you’re the biggest @######, in the whole wide universe

The crowd again stands up and cheers. Junior: “THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY-” Suave: “IT’S KEITH OLBERMANN!” Olbermann bowls Junior Jackson over and starts flailing away. Suave: “HERE COMES BILL O’REILLY!” O’Reilly runs up and tackles Olbermann. They roll around and wrestle on the floor. O’Reilly gets up first and kicks at Olbermann. He pulls Olbermann up and flings him into the steel guardrail. Suave: “O’REILLY GRABS A CHAIR….NO! HE MISSED…” Olbermann ducks and the chair slams into the guardrail with enough force that it bends. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! LOOK AT THAT CHAIR!” Olbermann takes Junior’s acoustic guitar and tries to smash it over O’Reilly’s head. He misses. O’Reilly escapes the guitar shot. He doesn’t escape ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews who runs in and shoves O’Reilly hard into the guardrail. Suave: “IT’S MATTHEWS! HARDBALL CHRIS MATTHEWS!” Crowd: “HE’S HARDBALL!…HE’S HARDBALL!…HE’S HARDBALL!” Matthews kicks away at O’Reilly. Olbermann sets up a table. Suave: “O’REILLY’S GOING FOR THE RIDE…NO! HERE COMES SEAN HANNITY!” Suave: “THERE’S A REFEREE! WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

MATCH #2 ‘Hardball’ CHRIS MATTHEWS and KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) vs. BILL O’REILLY and SEAN HANNITY (American Patriots)

Hannity runs in and decks Matthews from behind. Olbermann finds a chair. *CLANG* Hannity staggers and runs into the ring post. Olbermann picks O’Reilly up and slams him through the table. Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…PCW!” Matthews throws a left at Hannity. Crowd: “Hard-BALL!” Then a right. Crowd: “Hard-BALL! Then another right. Crowd: “Hard-BALL!” Left. Crowd: “Hard-BALL!” Right. Crowd: “Hard-BALL!” Matthews winds up… Crowd: “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard-” …and then throws a big right that sends Hannity flying into the ring steps. Crowd: BALL!” Matthews goes for a chair. *THWACK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! ONE OF THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES JUST BUSTED HIS GUITAR RIGHT OVER MATTHEWS’ HEAD!” Matthews down. Junior Jackson finds his guitar and swings it at Hannity. *THWACK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THE LEAD SINGER JUST TOOK OUT SEAN HANNITY! THE BASS PLAYER’S LINING UP OLBERMANN! HE DOESN’T SEE HIM!” Olbermann turns around just in time to see the strings on the bass guitar before it struck. *BLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! WAIT A MINUTE! JACKSON’S COVERING. THE REFEREE’S COUNTING? 1…2…3.”

WINNER: THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES

Suave: “Well, that’s the damnest thing I’ve ever seen. Before we get to the main event, let’s take one last look at how we got here.”

REPLAY- 11/4 PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
Suave:
“IT’S DOWN TO COLEMAN AGAINST FRANKEN!” Coleman drags Franken out of the ring and slams him into the guardrail. Franken counters, blocks a suplex, and drapes Coleman across the guardrail. Franken’s spin kick from the ring apron misses. Coleman moves out of the way and Franken crashes right-knee-first into the rail. Quick chair shots in succession leave Franken dazed and wondering what hit him. Back suplex by Coleman. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES SARAH PALIN! SHE SWINGS THE HOCKEY STICK…MISSES FRANKEN AND HITS COLEMAN!” Palin winks. Suave: “THAT’S NOT SARAH PALIN! IT’S TINA FEY FROM SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AGAIN! HERE’S COMES THE REAL PALIN!” Sarah Palin runs in and tackles Fey. They roll around on the floor. Suave: “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!”Franken nails Coleman with a road sign. He next pulls out a cheese grater and rubs it across Coleman’s forehead. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! COLEMAN IS BADLY BUSTED OPEN!” Franken pulls a ladder from underneath the ring and clocks Coleman with it. Franken grabs a garbage can and drop toe holds Coleman onto it. Cover. Two count. Coleman staggers back up and Franken knocks him right back out with a steel chair. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken puts Coleman on top of the ladder and climbs up on the corner turnbuckle. Franken leaps off the turnbuckle and crushes Coleman on the metal ladder. Crowd: “HOLY S@#$#… HOLY S@#$#.” Franken covers. 1…2…3.

Suave: “After the match, this happened in the parking lot of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

REPLAY- 11/4 AFTERMATH OF PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT

Al Franken opens up his car door. He starts to get into his car when Norm Coleman slams the door shut on Franken’s left leg. Coleman opens the car door and pulls Franken out. Franken to the ground. Coleman kicks at Franken’s left leg. He kneels down and starts swinging away. Coleman drags Franken up and whips him headfirst into the driver’s side window. Franken staggers back and his left leg gives out. Coleman again pulls him back up and whips him headfirst into the window. Franken slides down the side of the car. Coleman then opens the door and rams it into Franken’s head. Franken is dragged back into his car with his left leg hanging out again. Coleman slams the car door repeatedly against Franken’s leg.

Finally, ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido of the Progressive Alliance tackle Coleman and drive him to the ground.

Suave: “Then the rematch on November 25th took place. Coleman and Franken took thing to the next level of political extreme.”

REPLAY- 11/25 PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV
Franken is fired up. Coleman sidesteps the initial charge and wastes no time attacking Franken’s bad leg. Suave: “Coleman with kicks to Franken and drives him down to one knee…LOW BLOW BY FRANKEN!” Franken does it a second time. Coleman’s turns white and tips over onto the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Franken flails on him. He pulls Coleman up by the hair and throws him through the ropes outside. Coleman topples out of the ring and onto the floor. Franken on the edge of the ring. Flying elbow. Coleman’s legs jerk up at impact and then slam back down. Franken again pulls Coleman up by the hair. Blatant choke. The referee tries to get in the middle but Franken isn’t letting go. Franken gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Coleman…

…Franken drives Coleman towards Ritchie. Franken gets another chair. *CLANG* Coleman staggers. Franken pushes him down at Ritchie’s feet. Ritchie loops the rope around Coleman’s feet. He pulls the rope on the other side and Coleman goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.” Franken gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Coleman with it. Suave: “COLEMAN’S STRUNG UP LIKE A HUMAN PINATA AND FRANKEN’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. COLEMAN’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…AND HERE COMES TIM PAWLENTY!” Pawlenty runs down and swipes the chair from Franken. *CLANG* Franken staggers backwards. Mark Ritchie makes a run at Pawlenty. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. Franken gets up and charges again. *CLANG* Franken pirouettes and then collapses…

…Franken pulls Coleman up the top turnbuckle. Superplex from the top rope. Cover 1…2…NO! Coleman’s foot is on the ropes. Franken getting a little frustrated. He yanks Coleman back in the ring and climbs up the top turnbuckle. Swanton splash by Franken! ONE… TWO…NO! Suave: “I thought Franken got him. But Coleman kicks out just in time.” Franken sets up for the Piledriver, but Coleman rolls through! Franken takes Coleman up top. Coleman fights off Franken. Half Nelson Suplex by Franken! Another cover. 1…2…again, Coleman kicks out. Franken slams his fist into the canvas. Small package by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN ROLLS HIM UP. 1…2…3-NO! COLEMAN ROLLED HIM OVER! 1…2…3! HE’S DONE IT!…

Suave: “HE COMPLETELY HAD HIM! FRANKEN HAD HIM PINNED BUT SOMEHOW, COLEMAN ROLLED FRANKEN OVER AND HE GETS THE WIN!” Franken looks over at Coleman. Coleman’s celebrating. An enraged Franken hits Coleman from behind and then throws him head first into the corner turnbuckle. He picks up the chair and jams it into the back of Coleman’s left knee. Coleman falls backward to the canvas. Suave: “FRANKEN’S SNAPPED! HE’S PISSED AND NOW SLAMMING THAT STEEL CHAIR INTO COLEMAN’S KNEE!” Three shots in a row. Tim Pawlenty hits the ring to stop him. Franken blasts him with the chair and sends Pawlenty flying across the ring. Franken throws the chair down and puts Coleman’s leg through it. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? FRANKEN CLIMBING TO THE TURNBUCKLE!” Franken jumps onto the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN’S TRYING TO SNAP HIS LEG LIKE A TWIG!” Coleman grabs his knee and violently writhes in pain. Franken grabs the leg and spins. Coleman: AGGGGGHHHH! Suave: “FIGURE-FOUR! FIGURE FOUR!” Coleman slams the mat with his hands. Suave: “HE’S TRYING TO CRIPPLE COLEMAN…HERE COMES THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS!” Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Ann Coulter hit the ring. Franken drops the hold and slides out of the ring. Suave:TOO LATE, THOUGH. THE DAMAGE MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN DONE!”

The cage is set. It completely surrounds the ring giving about four feet of room on each side of the ring. Suave’s announcer’s table has been moved inside the cage.

“All right, as we’re getting ready for our main event tonight, I’d like to bring out our guest color commentator- P-SPAN’s very own Brian Lamb. Brian. It’s great to have you here.” Brian Lamb: “Johnny. It’s nice to here. This is definitely…different. When did PCW start?” Suave: “Over three and a half years ago.” Lamb: “And you’ve been doing…this the whole time?” Suave: “Well, yeah. Pretty much.” Lamb: “What’s the appeal?” Suave: “Um…we’re equating politics with pro wrestling?” Lamb: “I see. Who is that standing over there?” Suave: “Oh. That’s a life size cardboard cut out of Shania Twain.” Lamb: “That’s a little odd to have, don’t you think?” Suave: “Well, at least it’s not a life size Sarah Palin blow up doll.” Lamb: “True. That would be creepy.” Suave: “Besides, they were on back order at the store I checked.” Lamb takes a second to digest that. Suave: “HEY-Y-Y, they’re about ready to go…”

Coleman is the first to come out. He limps to the ring, his left knee wrapped up heavily. Al Franken comes out next. He looks very intense.

Suave: “Al Franken coming out as well. We’re just about ready to go.”

MATCH #3 STEEL CAGE LADDER DEATHMATCH: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance) vs. NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots)

Suave: “All right. The rules are as follows: the first man to climb up and grab the suitcase that’s hanging over the ring wins the match. Pins, submissions, count-outs do not count. Escaping the cage does not count. The only way to win is to grab the suitcase.” Both men inside the cage. Dueling chants of “**** him up Franken” and “**** him up Coleman” start. Immediately Franken attacks. The bell rings. Suave: “HERE WE GO! FRANKEN GOES RIGHT AFTER COLEMAN’S BAD LEG.” Kicks by Franken to the injured left knee. Coleman tries to get out of the ring but Franken yanks him back in. More kicks to the knee. Russian leg sweep by Franken. Suave: “FRANKEN IS NOT MESSING AROUND! HE’S GOING TO INCAPACITATE COLEMAN! BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?” Lamb: “Johnny, that’s pretty violent. Is this the norm for PCW events?” Suave: “Well…yes….HERE WE GO! FRANKEN’S GOT A CHAIR..” *CLANG* Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” *CLANG* Coleman stumbles back and falls through the ropes to the outside right back the announcer’s table. Lamb: “My God. He’s hurt. Should we help him?” Suave: “That’s probably not advisable, Brian…BECAUSE FRANKEN’S CLIMBED THE TOP ROPE….HE BRINGS THE HEAVY ELBOW DOWN ON COLEMAN!” Franken pulls Coleman up and slams him hard into the steel cage. Then into the ring post. Coleman’s legs are rubbery. Again, into the side of the cage. Again, into the ring post. Franken throws Coleman on the floor. He searches underneath the ring and finds a ladder. He pulls it out and then hoists it over the top rope into the ring. Suave: “THERE’S THE FIRST LADDER OF THE NIGHT! CAN FRANKEN CLIMB UP AND GRAB THE BRIEFCASE?” Franken sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring. He takes one step up and Coleman somehow crawls back into the ring. Franken takes a second step. Coleman is crawling right for the ladder. Franken hops down and kicks Coleman. He picks him up and drags him to the edge of the ring. Franken climbs out and then hops off the edge holding on to Coleman’s head and choking him on the top rope. Coleman whiplashes off the ropes and lands on his back. Suave: “COLEMAN’S IN BIG TROUBLE!” Franken back in. He goes for the Figure Four Leg Lock but Coleman kicks him away. Franken tries a second time and again, Coleman boots him across the ring. Franken climbs out to the edge and heads towards the corner turnbuckle. Coleman suddenly gets up and drop kicks Franken off the ring edge into the steel cage four feet away.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN HIT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD ON THE STEEL CAGE!” Now it’s Franken in trouble. Coleman inexplicably ignores the ladder and climbs the corner turnbuckle. Suave: “MISSILE DROPKICK FROM THE TOP ROPE SENDS FRANKEN RIGHT BACK INTO THE STEEL CAGE!” Coleman checks under the ring for something. He has it and goes right to Franken. Suave: “CHEESE GRATER! CHEESE GRATER! AND FRANKEN IS BUSTED WIDE OPEN! THE MOMENTUM HAS CHANGED HANDS!” Coleman pulls out a second ladder from underneath the ring. He immediately jams it in Franken’s gut. Coleman whirls it around and connects again. Lamb: “Now, are all these weapons legal?” Suave: “Um…yes…*BONK* …SKILLET! SKILLET!” Coleman comes over to the announcer’s table and motions Lamb out of his chair. Lamb stands. Lamb: “What am I supposed to sit on?” Suave: “Here. Take mine.” Coleman takes Lamb’s chair and *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “COLEMAN JUST DRILLED FRANKEN WITH TWO CHAIR SHOTS IN A ROW.” Franken in trouble now. Coleman kicks to the knee. He places Franken leg through the chair. Suave: “HE’S GOING TO DO THE SAME THING FRANKEN DID TO HIM! HE’S GOING TO TRY AND BREAK HIS LEG!” Lamb: “Is that the right thing to do?” Suave: “Well, right and wrong get a little fuzzy in the heat of battle.” Coleman climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Suave: “HE JUMPS…FRANKEN MOVED! HOLY CRAP! COLEMAN JUST KILLED HIMSELF! HE MISSED COMPLETELY AND HIT THE FLOOR HARD!”

Franken crawls back into the ring. Suave: “Franken can’t even stand up.” Coleman also crawls back to the ring. Franken reaches the ladder. Coleman crawls into the ring. Suave: “Franken’s going up. But Coleman is right behind him.” Franken’s about two rungs ahead of Coleman as both climb up opposite sides of the ladder. Franken reaches the top rung first. Coleman’s close enough to where he can start swinging at Franken. Both men try to push each other off the ladder. Franken stands and grabs for the briefcase. Coleman stands and he tries to reach the briefcase. Both latch on to the briefcase at the same time. The ladder suddenly becomes unbalanced. Both Franken and Coleman try to push the other off. Both grab at the briefcase. Lamb: “Isn’t it dangerous for two men to climb up a ladder to try to grab an object suspended in the air?” Suave: “Yes. That’s why you don’t see many ladder- HOLY CRAP! THE LADDER’S FALLING…RIGHT FOR US! BRIAN GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Lamb: “Huh? What?”

Crowd: “HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…“HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY ****!…HOLY…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…” Suave: “Am I on…hello…okay…THE LADDER TIPPED OVER. FRANKEN AND COLEMAN FOUGHT FOR POSSESSION OF THE BRIEFCASE AS THE LADDER FELL. THE BAD NEWS- THEY JUST DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE. THE GOOD NEWS- SOMETHING SOFT BROKE THEIR FALL. THE BAD NEWS- BRIAN LAMB OF P-SPAN WAS THE SOFT THING THAT BROKE THEIR FALL. I DIDN’T SEE WHO HAD WHAT. THE REFEREE IS TRYING TO SORT THIS OUT. THE CROWD IS GOING ABSOLUTELY NUTS!…HUH?…OH…OKAY…THE REFEREE IS GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER…LET’S GO TO THE RING.” Referee: “Okay. This is what I saw. Norm Coleman had possession-” The crowd explodes. Pro-Coleman and Franken chants erupt. Suave: “COLEMAN HAS BEEN DECLARED THE WINNER! THE REFEREE SAW THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AND CALLED HIM THE WINNER! FRANKEN IS PISSED. HE IMMEDIATELY CONFRONTS THE REFEREE AND HE’S LIGHTING HIM UP! COLEMAN’S OUT OF HERE. HE TOOK THE BRIEFCASE AND LIMPED OUT OF THE CAGE AS QUICKLY AS HE COULD. WHAT? FRANKEN’S CLAIMING THAT HE HAD THE BRIEFCASE AT THE BOTTOM BUT COLEMAN TOOK IT AWAY WHEN THE REFEREE CAME! THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SORT THIS ONE OUT. COLEMAN THE WINNER. BUT MAJOR, MAJOR CONTROVERSY AT THE END OF THE THIRD COLEMAN-FRANKEN MATCH. THIS IS JOHNNY SUAVE FOR AN UNCONSCIOUS BRIAN LAMB, THANKS TO P-SPAN…SORRY ABOUT BRIAN…WE’LL HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS AS IT DEVELOPS.”

———

PCW at Blogger.com

Prairie Depot Press- Home of Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction

10/7- PCW Extreme Political TV: WTF…Olbermann, Palin v. Biden & Fey, Corporate Greed

 

Last week on PCW:
-Barack Obama comes out and says he’s had enough of John McCain’s aggressive tactics. McCain responds that political wrestling is tough and Obama’s just mad because his wrestler, O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance), lost another match to PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots). Obama challenges McCain to one last match for O’Beck Bahama vs. Starz N. Stripes at PCW Extreme Election 2008.
-FUBAR w/Dr. Bill defeated Michael Hunt of ‘Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surname’ and then gets challenged by ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido. Escondido doesn’t get the answer he wants so he attacks FUBAR causing the rest of the Jobber/Talent Enhancement group to come out to FUBAR’s rescue.
-DeWayne Cantrell crashes the Barbra Streisand’s Beverly Hills fundraiser for Barack Obama and for some reason doesn’t see any ‘middle class Americans’ there. Then he takes a steel folding chair to the high priced guests and celebrities. Then the Black Swamp Pirates take over Barbra Streisand’s stage and play ‘American Elitist.’
-‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin of the 3 Amigas defeats ‘Defense Expert’ Hallie Burton (American Patriots) for a shot at the PCW Women’s Title held by ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree.
-‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann attempts to persuade an unseen person or persons to join his corporation.
-John McCain and Barack Obama sit down for their first job interview for PCW CEO with owner Bubba Jackson.
-Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance) successfully defend their PCW Tag Team belts against A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb with an assist from Barack Obama in a wild match that saw Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters) and Sarah Palin and the Right Wing Brigade (Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Michelle Malkin) run in and Obama’s aide de camp candidate Joe Biden stop John McCain from coming to the Bomb Brothers rescue.

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- October 7th from Hillsdale College, Hillsdale, MI

HOST: Johnny Suave

Suave: “Welcome to PCW!”

The crowd chants PCW…PCW.

Suave notes that PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 is less than a month away. He quickly runs down tonight’s show. The main event is the PCW Women’s Title match between the challenger ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Champion Opal Winfree with her flock, New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom. Also on the card, Al Franken of the Progressive Alliance vs. Norm Coleman of the American Patriots. Mr. McMann has a corporate announcement to make. Suave: “But first, it’s time for the aide de camp candidates of the American Patriots and Progressive Alliance to sit down with Bubba Jackson.

BIDEN-PALIN INTERVIEW FOR PCW CEO
Joe Biden plays up his vast years of experience. Sarah Palin winks incessantly at Bubba. Biden tells Bubba that John McCain says he’s a ‘maverick’ but in actuality, he hasn’t been a maverick about the things that matter. Bubba: “What about the whole torture issue?” Biden: “Okay…except for the torture issue, McCain hasn’t been a maverick about the things that matter. Bubba: “Um…what about the pork and earmark abuses? Biden: “All right. Except for torture and the pork and earmark abuse issue, McCain hasn’t been a mav-” Bubba: “What about McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform?” Biden: “Okay. With the exception of torture, pork and earmark abuse, and McCain-Feingold, McCain hasn’t been a maverick.” Bubba: “Illegal immigration when he took on his own party?” Biden sighs. Biden: “Fine. Excepting torture, pork and earmark abuse, McCain-Feingold, and the illegal immigration issue, when has John McCain been a maverick about things that really matter?” Bubba: “He stuck up for the surge when it was politically damaging to do so.” Biden sighs again. Bubba turns to Sarah Palin for her response.

Palin: “By golly, I’d have to agree with Joe Biden. John McCain hasn’t been the maverick on issues that really matter to good ol’ Joe Six-Pack.” She winks at Bubba again. Suave: “What? She agreed with Joe Biden?” Bubba looks at her quizzically and continues. He asks her about the Katie Couric interview. Palin: “Boy, I really screwed that one up didn’t I? I sure looked clueless as hell.” Bubba follows up with a question about what newspapers she reads. Palin: “Newspapers? Darn if I know which one I read. I swear I’m like a box of rocks sometimes.” Bubba again gives her a strange look and asks her about Supreme Court cases. Palin: “Supreme Court cases? Isn’t that something you get a one of those fancy stores that Joe Six-Pack can’t afford to go into.” Palin winks again at Bubba and adds that Joe Six-Pack should support Barack Obama. Suave: “All right! Something isn’t right here.” Palin goes on and on about why Obama is better than McCain when a scream off stage is heard. Suave: “What the-” Out of nowhere, a woman leaps at and tackles Palin. Suave: “I KNEW IT! THAT WASN’T REALLY SARAH PALIN! THAT’S TINA FEY FROM SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE!” Palin and Fey roll around on the ground. Suave: “CAT-FIGHT! CAT-FIGHT!” Palin gets up and grabs her hockey stick. She takes a wild swing at Fey. Fey ducks and then the SNL star turns and runs for it.

MATCH #1 NORM COLEMAN (American Patriots) vs. AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)
Suave notes that Franken is the rookie here going up against an experience veteran in Coleman. Arianna Huffington is out hanging around Franken’s corner. She distracts Coleman and Franken takes advantage. Franken shoulder blocks him down and then chokes Coleman with his robe. Franken sets Coleman in the corner and then chokes him out with his boot. Whip off the ropes and Franken hits a leg whip. Huffington slides a chair in. Chairshot by Franken and then an arm bar. Knee by Coleman followed by a snap mare and back to the arm. Coleman finally escapes and slides out of the ring.

John McCain, leader of the American Patriots, now ringside and confers with Coleman. Back in the ring, he runs right into a clothesline. Franken follows with a dropkick. Kicks to the leg. Kicks to the back. Snap mare. Another kick to the back. Franken covers for 2. McCain in to break the count. Chairshot by McCain changes the momentum. Huffington on the ring apron and screaming at McCain. Coleman cranks on Franken’s knee and works into the reverse Indian deathlock. Barack Obama now down at the ring. Coleman rolls the Indian deathlock into a pinning combo. Obama in and pulls Coleman off. Franken to his feet. Shoulder ram by Coleman. Chops, rights, and uppercuts. Coleman rocks Franken. Wristlock and a twisting takedown. Coleman wrenches the wrist backwards and then stomps on the elbow. Coleman rolls into a cross arm breaker for one. Franken kicks his way out.

The crowd chants ‘PCW.’ Rights to Coleman. Cross face shots. Body kick by Coleman and back to the wristlock. Coleman adjusts to a hammerlock and works the other arm. Franken rolled into a pinning position for 2. Again, Obama breaks the count. Franken to his feet into a shoulder block by Coleman. Suplex try by Coleman countered by Franken. Coleman thrown out of the ring. Franken to the apron. Flying elbow drop from the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Arianna Huffington sets a table up and Obama puts Coleman on it. McCain runs around the ring. Arianna latches on to him and holds on for dear life. Franken to the top. Sarah Palin hits the ring again with her hockey stick and whacks Franken in the back. Franken falls and hits hard on the floor. Joe Biden now to the ring. Obama and McCain get into it. Biden climbs up to the top rope. Palin starts towards him but Arianna gets in between her and Biden. Biden leaps and puts Coleman through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Biden rolls Coleman back into the ring. Then he rolls Franken back into the ring. Arianna and Palin rolls around on the ring canvas. Suave: “CAT-FIGHT! CAT-FIGHT!” Franken crawls over and covers Coleman. 1…2…3.

WINNER: AL FRANKEN (Progressive Alliance)

Suave: “WOW! Didn’t expect that. Al Franken proved to be a much tougher opponent than I originally thought he’d be. So far, not a good night for the American Patriots.

McCain looks extremely agitated at losing the match. He stalks to the back with Palin a step behind him.

The Black Swamp Pirates, fresh from their impromptu gig at Barbra Streisand’s Beverly Hills fundraiser for Barack Obama, come out to play a new song. Before they can start though, Barbra Streisand stomps out to the ring. She’s pissed off that DeWayne Cantrell ruined her fundraiser. She’s equally as pissed off that the Pirates dared to play country music at the event as well. Streisand: “NO ONE @#$##$# DOES THAT TO ME! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I’M BARBRA @#$#ING STREISAND! HOW DARE YOU PLAY YOUR LOW BROW HICK SONGS AT MY EVENT! I’M A STAR! YOU’RE A NOBODY!” Streisand demands to know where Cantrell is. Junior Jackson, lead singer of the Black Swamp Pirates, tells her he’s not here. Striesand wants to know where the @#$# is he? Junior points to a video screen.

MATCH #2 DeWAYNE CANTRELL vs. AIG EXECUTIVES
It was disclosed less than a week after the federal government offered an $85 billion bailout to insurance giant AIG that the company held a week-long retreat for its executives at the luxury St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, Calif. In running up a tab of $440,000, the executives spent $200,000 for rooms, $150,000 for meals and $23,000 for the spa.

The executives relax in their spa. Cantrell bursts in with his steel-folding chair. Executives: “AAAAAARRRGHHHHHH!” *CLANG* Down goes one executive. *CLANG* Down goes another. *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* *CLANG* The referee runs in and stops the bout.

WINNER BY TKO: DeWAYNE CANTRELL

Streisand isn’t impressed and demands an apology from the Black Swamp Pirates. Junior refuses. Streisand again loudly demands an apology. Junior again refuses. Streisand screeches at him. Junior flips her off. Streisand: “THAT’S IT!” Suddenly, Arianna Huffington, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters) run in and attack the Black Swamp Pirates. Suave: “OH, COME ON!” Daily Kos, Krugman, Alterman, and Media Matters stomp away at the five members of the band. Suave: “THAT’S ENOUGH! WAIT! HERE COMES AVERAGE JOE AND THE AMERICAN TRUCKER!”

‘The Real Joe Six-Pack’ Average Joe and American Trucker wade in but they, too, get overwhelmed by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers. They’re beaten down. Olbermann tells the Pirates, Average Joe, and American Trucker that they’re the ‘WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!” The crowd boos.

Male voice: “Olbermann, you definitely need to take your medication.” The crowd cheers. Suave: “IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS!” Olbermann dares Dobbs to come down. Dobbs replies that Olbermann would like that seeing as he has the numbers advantage. Dobbs: “I have something else in mind.”

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*

The crowd rises and cheers again. Suave: “YES! YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” Crowd: “What the !@#@, what the @#$#”

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down and grabs Daily Kos. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Krugman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Alterman. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Media Matters. Grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Arianna runs for the hills leaving Olbermann. He tries to beg off but…grab neck. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Suave: “WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT CLEANS HOUSE!” Dobbs holds up Average Joe and American Truckers arms.

Suave: “This just in, two more matches have been signed for PCW Extreme Election Night 2008- a North Carolina battle between Elizabeth Dole of the American Patriots vs. Kay Hagan of the Progressive Alliance.” Suave notes Dole v. Hagan should be a barn burner. Suave: “A New Hampshire brawl between the American Patriots John Sununu and Jeanne Shaheen of the Progressive Alliance? An intergender match?” Suave speculates on that and then ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann comes out. Suave: “Oh great.”

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ MR. McMANN’S CORPORATION SEGMENT
The crowd boos as Mr. McMann, Quadruple R, Kathryn Randall Collins discuss their new ‘acquisition.’ McMann admits that his corporation needed some extra firepower, extra muscle in order to achieve their goals. But in order to that, McMann said that he needed more capital. McMann: “So, without any ado, I’d like to introduce my business partner- Gordon Guyko.” Gordon Guyko, hair slicked back, 80’s Amani suit, walks to the ring. Guyko takes the mic and proclaims to the PCW crowd that ‘greed is good. It’s really, really good.” More boos.

McMann then introduces the new members of his corporation- Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit. McMann: “It cost me a lot of money to bring these two aboard…of course, not nearly as much as it would have if it weren’t for the Wall Street crisis and the plummeting price of oil.” McMann laughs; Big Oil and Walsteit wince. McMann claims he now has the firepower to achieve his goal- the complete corporate takeover of PCW.

McMann then announces his first act- changing the upcoming match between PCW Women’s champion ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin by substituting Kathryn Randall Collins for Martin. McMann notes that all it took was a sizable donation to PCW CEO George W’s retirement fund to make the switch. Suave: “This is total bull@#$#!”

MATCH #3 PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH- ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka…KRC (McMann Corporation)
Suave:
“This is so not right!” The bell rings. Winfree and Collins meet in the middle. There’s a commotion. Suave: “There’s something going on…IT’S PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL TESSA MARTIN!” Tessa slams her oversized pizza box, complete with metal road sign inside, into Big Oil’s knee. The knee buckles. Daisy whacks him in the face with a Singapore cane. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Quadruple R pushes Tessa down. Daisy turns and repeatedly whacks him with the Singapore cane, sending Quadruple R running for the locker room. Tequila Sheila knocks out Mr. McMann with her blender. Tessa kicks Kirk Walstreit in the balls. Daisy takes out Walstreit with a Daisy Cutter-Powerbomb. Tessa knocks out Guyko with the pizza box. KRC leans over the top rope and tries to grab at Daisy. Opal sneaks up from behind and rolls KRC up. 1…2…3.

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ OPAL WINFREE

Suave: “Well, there’s a little poetic justice. WHOA!” Daisy Cutter-Bomb delivers a devastating Daisy Cutter-Powerbomb to KRC as an exclamation point. Suave runs down the card for PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in less than a month:

-Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots) in a Minnesota Street Brawl
-Elizabeth Dole (American Patriots) vs. Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance) in a North Carolina Catfight.
-John Sununu (American Patriots) vs. Jeanne Shaheen (Progressive Alliance) in a New Hampshire Intergender match up.
-‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) for the PCW Title.

Suave: “What? More commotion? Backstage?”

*
BACKSTAGE
John McCain and Sarah Palin stand over a fallen O’Beck Bahama. On the floor is a steel folding chair. McCain has a Singapore cane in his hand. Palin- a hockey stick.

McCain and Palin walk away while Bahama clutches his ankle in extreme pain.

****
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Prairie Depot Press - home of the ultimate political book for Joe Six-Pack, Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction

 

9/30- PCW Extreme Political TV- Crashing Streisand’s party

Last time on PCW:

 

-‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and Quadruple R lament the lack of firepower in McMann’s Corporation.

 

-PCW TV Champion FUBAR defeats his tag team partner SNAFU and then is attacked after the match by ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and the ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean. Escondido vows to bring the PCW TV belt back to the Progressive Alliance.

 

-MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly have another extreme encounter with each other. Olbermann’s associates, Rachel Maddow and Hardball Chris Matthews, interfere in the match which causes CNN’s Lou Dobbs, not an Olbermann fan, to run down and take out the Countdown host with a steel-folding chair. Afterwards, Dobbs tells an unconscious Olbermann ‘he may be the worst person in the world but Olbermann was the biggest douchebag a-hole in the entire universe!’

 

-Starz N. Stripes w/John McCain (American Patriots) and O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) meet again. Starz wins when Libertarian Bob Barr and Independent Darth (Ralph) Nader come to the ring to protest, allowing Starz to roll up Bahama for the win. In the aftermath, McCain takes Obama out with a Singapore cane shot and all hell breaks loose afterwards.

 

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- September 30th from Bryan H.S, Bryan, Ohio
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PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)

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HOST: Johnny Suave

The crowd chants PCW…PCW.

Suave: “As you might expect, Barack Obama of the Progressive Alliance was not very happy with what happened at the end of the Starz N. Stripes/O’Beck Bahama match.”

 

 

Obama comes to the ring. He states he’s had enough of John McCain’s tactics. He doesn’t know why McCain attacked him with a Singapore cane but he declares that he and the Progressive Alliance will aggressively respond from this point forward.

 

 

Sarah Palin, carrying a hockey stick, leads John McCain out to the ring. McCain tells Obama that political wrestling is tough. McCain: “This is no walk in the park. While I was held prisoner in Hanoi did I get any sympathy because I complained about ‘rough treatment? Hell no.” McCain tells Obama that he’s just upset because his inexperience cost his guy, O’Beck Bahama, a shot at the PCW belt. McCain: “Again, you couldn’t rise to the challenge to defeat Starz N. Stripes for the PCW Title.” McCain then adds that Bahama’s had enough chances and won’t receive any more title shots.

 

 

Obama responds that he likes a challenge. He says the PCW title isn’t about him- it’s about being the best. He believes O’Beck Bahama can be the best. Obama challenges McCain to one last match next month at PCW Extreme Election Night. Starz N. Stripes vs. O’Beck Bahama for the PCW Title. If Starz wins; O’Beck doesn’t get another title shot. If O’Beck wins…

 

McCain: “Hah. You’ve got a better chance of getting Cheech and Chong back together.”

 

Obama: “John. They’re back together.”

McCain: “Oh.”

 

MATCH #1 PCW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP- FUBAR © w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs. MICHAEL HUNT of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames (Jobber)

Dr. Bill exhorts FUBAR on with his unique brand of positive self-help talk. Dr. Bill: “Don’t let him win! You win!” Suave: “Wow. How profound is that? No wonder he makes the big bucks.” Suave then mimics a retching sound.

Suave then notes that former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen is in Michael Hunt’s corner tonight. Suave: “Apparently, Hunt is taking a page from FUBAR. I wonder if it’ll work?

The bell rings. FUBAR knees Hunt in the gut. Then he flings Hunt into his corner, knocking Millen off the ring edge onto the floor. FUBAR rolls up Hunt. 1…2….3. Suave: “Nope. Guess not.”

 

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: FUBAR

Again, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and the ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean (Progressive Alliance) attack FUBAR. Swinging neckbreaker by Escondido lays out the TV champ. Again, Escondido runs down FUBAR as a ‘glorified jobber’ and ‘talent enhancement.’ Escondido demands a title shot but Dr. Bill says no. Dean and Escondido then assault Dr. Bill but then the Jobbers aka Talent Enhancement run out. Jimmy from So Cal, the Jim Rome Clone wannabe. Snott Flemmstein. Hunt and his tag team partner Richard Headd of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames. And SNAFU. The jobbers chase away Escondido and Dean.

 

Suave then introduces another piece by Exploding Sheep Productions.

 

EXPLODING SHEEP PRODUCTIONS

The Beverly Hills fundraiser for Barack Obama. An outdoor courtyard. 300 people, including stars such as Leonardo DiCaprio, Will Ferrell, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Jodie Foster, seated at 30 tables resting on a cobblestone surface. Cost- $28,500 per person for the reception. $2,500 for a concert by Barbra Streisand afterwards.

 

Obama finishes his remarks and leaves. The dinner continues as the black-suited waiters circulated through the grounds. One water suddenly hops on the stage and whips off his suit.

 

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S DEWAYNE CANTRELL!”

 

Cantrell, main character of J.D. Elder’s novel Loose Cannons of Buckland County and Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction, holds up a steel-folding chair and bellows to the shocked crowd: “Surprisingly, I don’t see anyone from middle class America showing up here at some Tudor-style Greystone mansion in Beverly Hills with an entry fee of $28,500 to get in so you can dine on beef filet, asparagus and salad with goat cheese with a bunch of rich elitists and then be serenaded by some over the hill singer for an additional $2,800. I guess the price tag is a little high when they’re trying not to lose their house to foreclosure, trying to tread water because their wages don’t keep up with $4.15 per gallon of gasoline and the ever rising cost of living!”

Cantrell then wades into the tables and starts whacking people with the steel-folding chair. Chaos breaks out. Stars flee the grounds. Someone tries to collect $28,500 from Cantrell; he eats a steel-folding chair to the noggin.

Suave: “Standing up for the little guy, one steel-folding chairshot at a time!”

 

MATCH #2 ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila of the 3 Amigas (Independent) vs. ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON w/Neal Conn- making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order (American Patriots)
The winner of this match gets a shot at the PCW Women’s title held by ‘Empress of All Media’ Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance). Tessa hits a bicycle kick right after the bell rings. Burton rebounds with a belly-to-belly suplex and then slams Tessa into the corner turnbuckle. Conn pulls Tessa out of the ring and throws her against the steel guardrail. Burton then leaps from the top rope and smashes the PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl hard into the guardrail. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then blasts into Burton. She powerslams Burton on the entrance ramp. Neal Conn pulls Daisy off. Tequila Sheila then knocks Conn out with her blender. Daisy throws Burton back in the ring. Tessa grabs her oversized pizza box, with a street sign inside, and clocks Burton with it. She covers and that’s the match.

WINNER: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN

Suave: “Next week, it’ll be ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. ‘Empress of All Media’ Opal Winfree for the PCW Women’s title.”

MR. McMANN’S CORPORATION SEGMENT
Kathryn Randall Collins…aka KRC, Quadruple R, Bradley Scott Wilson Esq., and Richard Emerson Bentley III sit as Mr. McMann tries to persuade someone (blocked from view) to join his corporation.

Suave wonders who it could be.

EXPLODING SHEEP PRODUCTIONS

Barbra Streisand profusely apologizes for DeWayne Cantrell’s attack. She promises to make it up to everyone attending the star studded $28,500 per person Obama fundraiser plus the extra $2,800 to hear Streisand sing.

 

The band starts to play- but it’s not one of Streisand’s classics. It’s a country sound.

 

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! That’s not Barbra Streisand’s band! That’s…THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES!

 

The guests look on in horror as the Pirates play their hit song, “American Elitist.”

 

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Don’t want to be smug, self-absorbed, and conceited
Looking down your nose while sipping cappuccino
Push your political views cause you act or hit a high note

I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
I guess we’re supposed to listen, cause you’ve got a Hollywood star
Your perks and privilege gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

So Barbra Streisand, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like Michael Moore, hell, you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide behind the velvet ropes and you can kiss our ass

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Corporate greed feeds the rich, the rest of us simply bleed yes
Golden parachutes, they protect the big gun
While no one gives a damn about the little ones

I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And I guess you’ve got a better way since you drive a fancy car
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

So Rush Limbaugh, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Just like, Dick Cheney, hell you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Hide out at your country clubs and you can kiss our ass

I don’t want to be an American Elitist
Big money special interests, well they get what they need yeah
One dollar equals one vote, that’s the way the game’s played
While the rest of us watch as our dreams slowly slip away

I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above
And if you’ve got the cash to pay, you get all the fun
Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see.
Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet.

Hey NRA, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists

Hey you, George Soros, you’d better believe us
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Spend your cash, buy an election and you can kiss our ass

Hey Wall Street Journal, you won’t defeat us
You and the rest of the American Elitists
Like Rolling Stone, you’d better believe us.
Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass
Watch us from your ivory towers and you can kiss our ass

 

McCAIN-OBAMA INTERVIEW FOR PCW CEO

The first of three interviews with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson to determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

 

McCain emphasized his experience in working with members of the Progressive Alliance to make PCW a better wrestling organization. He noted Obama’s relative inexperience as the key reasons why he would be the best choice to be the next PCW CEO.

 

Obama parried McCain’s remarks by calling his support of PCW CEO George W’s ‘war’ against EECW…

 

http://bucklandcounty.blogspot.com/2007/03/325-bcew-vs-eecw-war-ppv.html

 

…a grave failure of judgment. An error that caused the wrestling promotion to take its eye off the ball in improving the PCW product. Obama called McCain out of touch with modern political wrestling fans- a point that McCain disputed.

 

McCain: “I’ve been a wrestling fan for years and root for the underdog. I think it’s great that WCW is giving the WWF a run for their money.

 

Obama: “Uh, John. WCW went out of business 8 years ago and WWF is now WWE.”

 

McCain: “Oh…”

 

MATCH #3 PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH- JACK SCHETT & BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB & HY DROGEN BOMB w/ Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)

Horst Schett takes the mic and holds up the Schnauzer. Horst: “You should all bow down to this dog. This dog is named after greatest cinematic villain of all time! Hans Gruber! GOD BLESS YOU ALAN RICKMAN!” Jack Schett then takes the mic. Jack: “IF YOU DON’T THINK THE SCHETT BROTHERS ARE THE BEST TAG TEAM IN PCW, THEN YOU DON’T KNOW JACK SCHETT!” The crowd starts chanting ‘bulls###…bulls###!” Bull: “See? Listen to them chant for me.”

 

Suave: “Ah, no. I don’t think that’s they’re doing.”

 

The bell rings A-Bomb and Jack Schett to begin. Trading chops by A-Bomb and Jack Schett. Jack clips the leg to take control. Leg lariat follows and A-Bomb powers back up. They trade chops again. Bull Schett tags in. Elbows to A-Bomb and a knee to the back. Belly to belly suplex by Bull and a cover for 2. Elbows again by Bull. He tries for the roaring elbow but misses and gets hung up in the ropes. H-Bomb gets a stun gun from the outside. Jack Schett runs over and gets into it with H-Bomb.

 

Sarah Palin, John McCain’s choice for his aide de camp, joins Suave at the broadcast table along with two other people. Suave asks who the men are. They respond that they are McCain’s handlers and here to help Palin answer Suave’s questions. Suave first asks Palin how she’s doing. The handlers whisper into Palin’s ear and then she answers that she’s fine. Suave asks her about the PCW CEO race. McCain’s handlers again whisper in Palin’s ear. Palin responds that it’s a race between two people to lead PCW. Suave: “I know. What’s your thoughts about the race?” More input from the handlers. Palin seems confused, then responds that the Iditarod Dog Sled race is one of Alaska’s biggest events and then adds, “You can see Russia from Alaska.” Suave: “O-kay. Let’s get back to the match.”

 

H-Bomb trades chops and then hits a Russian leg sweep. H-Bomb off the ropes and backdrops Bull. Jack in, H-Bomb gives him a back breaker. Bull gets back up and kicks off H-Bomb’s head. Cover for 2. Jack tags in and lays the boots to H-Bomb in the corner. Horst with a cheap shot on H-Bomb and pulls him to the floor. Horst tosses him to the barricade. Bull gets a cheap shot as well. Horst sics Hans Gruber on it H-Bomb. The dog leaps up and attacks H-Bomb in the balls.

 

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” H-Bomb spins wildly, trying to get the dog’s jaws to let go. A-Bomb runs in and hits a running bulldog on Jack Schett. A-Bomb to the top turnbuckle and leaps on Bull Schett. Kick to the face by A-Bomb. Horst Schett then orders Hans Gruber to attack A-Bomb. The dog pulls off H-Bomb and leaps at A-Bomb. A-Bomb grabs a steel folding chair and blasts the poor animal in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The dog drops.

 

Horst is horrified. Bull throws A-Bomb back into the ring and Jack just lays in the kicks in the corner. Forearm and elbows by Jack and a cover for 2. More chops by Jack and then he climbs up the top turnbuckle. Horst hands him a brick and Jack places it in the rear of his trunks. Suave: “He’s going for their finisher- the ‘Schett-Brick!’” Newt Tron Bomb hits the ring and pulls A-Bomb out of the way. Jack misses and lands hard on his ass in the ring.

 

Suave: “Jack Schett in major pain. I betcha those brick shards don’t feel real good…HERE COMES ARIANNA HUFFINGTON AND THE ANGRY LEFT-WING BLOGGERS!” Huffington directs Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, Eric Alterman, and Paul Krugman into the ring. Daily Kos tosses A-Bomb to the floor and Media Matters and Alterman start kicking away. Alterman chokes out A-Bomb and puts him on a table. Then as A-Bomb lay on the table, Daily Kos gets a running start and puts A-Bomb through the table.

 

H-Bomb staggers back into the ring and flops on the canvas. Senton by Jack, knee drop by Bull and a cover. One…two…Sarah Palin leaps from her chair and whacks Bull in the back with the hockey stick. Suave: “PALIN STOPS THE COUNT!…AND HERE COMES THE RIGHT-WING BRIGADE!” Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin, and Glenn Beck race down. Rights by Limbaugh, chops by Malkin and then an Enziguri takes out Jack Schett. Palin wades into the Angry Left Wing bloggers and starts swinging away. Horst revives Hans Gruber and sic the Schnauzer on the Right Wingers. Palin chases Huffington and the Angry Left Wing bloggers to the back. Hans Gruber chases the Right Wing Brigaders to the back.

 

Both Bull Schett and H-Bomb are out in the ring. Jack Schett is hurt and lying outside the ring. A-Bomb is unconscious in the ruins of the table. Suave: “Now what? Wait! Here comes Barack Obama.” Obama comes to the ring and rolls Bull over towards H-Bomb. Suave: “JOHN McCAIN’S RUNNING IN TO STOP HIM!” McCain reaches the ring but suddenly stops when a pair of hands from under the ring grabs his leg. Suave: “What the…IT’S JOE BIDEN!” Obama puts Bull on H-Bomb. The referee counts. 1-2-3.

 

WINNER AND STILL PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT (Progressive Alliance)

Suave: “What a match! The Progressive Alliance get a huge win tonight!    We’ll see you next week!”

———–

PCW at WordPress

9/16- PCW Extreme Political TV…’Olbermann- the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG A-HOLE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- September 16th from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Westville, Ohio
HOST: Johnny Suave

Quick recap of the end of Lock and Load 3 where ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and his new corporation (Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richardson aka Quadruple R…because Quadruple is better than Triple…, Kathryn Randall Collins, Bradley Scott Wilson Esq., and Richard Emerson Brantley III) disrupt the PCW Four-Way Title match between champion Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots), O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance), Nic Koteen of Politically Incorrect (Libertarian), and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee of the Green World Order (Green). McMann’s corporation get their collective asses kicked by the four participants in the title match and make a hasty retreat.

Mr. McMann sits in his office. Quadruple R paces manically back and forth. He’s pissed off and ready to go back out and fight some more. McMann tries to calm him down. Quadruple R reminds him that he was promised the PCW title. McMann again tries to settle him down. Quad R then stomps out. McMann: “If I’m going to succeed in my ambitious plans to take over and remake PCW in my image, we’re going to need more firepower.” McMann dials the phone.

Suave comes on and announces that Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews from MSNBC are going to be joining him this week. But he can’t seem to find them.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE CONVENTION RECAP
Suave recaps the official unveiling of the Obama-Biden ticket. Joe Biden comes out to a modest introduction. Then Obama is brought out. He’s riding in a carrier held up by two men. Suave recognizes the two. Suave: “Hey! Isn’t that? Yes! HOLY CRAP! Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann are carrying Barack Obama into the hall!” Matthews and Olbermann take Obama to the podium while rose petals are tossed down in their path. A large horn fanfare heralds Obama’s speech and Matthews and Olbermann both watch, doe-eyed. Matthews: “When I listen to Obama speak, I can feeling something tingling down my leg.” Suave: “That’s just wrong…”

Afterwards, Olbermann and Matthews gush effusively about the speech.

MATCH #1- PCW TV TITLE MATCH- FUBAR © w/Dr. Bill vs. SNAFU
As promised, FUBAR gives his good friend SNAFU the first shot at his PCW TV Title. Quick paced match which sees FUBAR retaining the title via pin.

FUBAR and SNAFU shake hands afterwards. *“YEEEE-AAHHHH!”* Someone attacks FUBAR from behind. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S THE AMERICAN SCREAMER HOWARD DEAN! AND THAT’S ‘NO FRILLS’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO!” Escondido, the former PCW TV champion, joined the Progressive Alliance at Lock and Load and he wants the title back. Dean gets on the mic and runs down FUBAR, calling him nothing more than a pathetic jobber. Dean: “It’s only a matter of time before ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defeats FUBAR and restores credibility to the PCW TV title and the Progressive Alliance will reign supreme over PCW.”

AMERICAN PATRIOTS CONVENTION RECAP
‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain announces the selection of Sarah Palin as his aide de camp, surprising…well…everyone. Olbermann and Matthews join Suave. Matthews is puzzled by the choice. Olbermann breaks off a nasty shot at Palin’s 17 year old daughter who happens to be pregnant. McCain gives his speech and Olbermann continues a string of snarky, smug, and condescending commentary as he goes along.

After the speech, Olbermann says McCain sucks and apologizes for the fact that McCain’s speech sucked. He adds that the video tribute to McCain sucks and apologizes for exploiting the images of a candidate who was a dead man walking. He adds the American Patriots sucks; people suck who aren’t obviously not at the same intellectual level as he is because they’re stupid enough to support the American Patriots, and most of all Bill O’Reilly sucks. Suave: “Well, so much for being unbiased. I guess compared to MSNBC, Fox News is actually fair and balanced.

Olbermann stomps over to Suave and confronts him. Suave doesn’t back down and compares what they’re doing to Obama to what Monica Lewinsky did for… Olbermann explodes and calls him…THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD! Olbermann: “How dare you compare me unfavorably to Fox News…OOFFFF!” Suave: “IT’S BILL O’REILLY!” O’Reilly throws Olbermann into the ring and flails away at him. A referee runs down and the bell rings. Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPU MATCH!”

MATCH #2 MSNBC’S KEITH OLBERMANN (Progressive Alliance) with Hardball Chris Matthews vs. BILL O’REILLY (American Patriots) of Fox News
Suave: “Here we go again! Another battle between two of the most extreme political personalities you’ll find here in PCW.” Olbermann charges O’Reilly, but he bails to the floor. The No-Spin Factor climbs back in and smirks at Olbermann. Olbermann pops him with a short left and O’Reilly heads back out again. Olbermann yells at the referee to get him back in the ring…or as he put it, “get him back in the ring, DAMMIT!” Olbermann becomes frustrated with O’Reilly’s stalling on the apron. The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon crowd counts along with the referee to eight before O’Reilly slides back into the ring. Olbermann takes a wild swing at O’Reilly and misses. O’Reilly climbs out on the apron again and composes himself as Olbermann continues to swing at him. O’Reilly back in but gets caught by a spinning back kick right to the jaw. Olbermann tries to drive him down to the mat, but O’Reilly stands up with Olbermann hanging on his back and flips him off to the canvas. O’Reilly heads to the floor again and while Olbermann pouts like the prima donna, arrogant personality that he is. O’Reilly comes back in and flips Olbermann off, prompting more yelling from the MSNBC Countdown host. Olbermann charges again and another bail-out from O’Reilly.

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow confronts O’Reilly on the floor. O’Reilly distracted, Hardball Matthews grabs steel-folding chair and waffles him with it. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Maddow and Matthews stomp away at the No-Spin Factor. Olbermann grabs the mic and taunts O’Reilly. The crowd boos. Olbermann tells them to shut their mouth and screams at O’Reilly. He calls the audience blind sheep and promises to put O’Reilly and the Fox News into a box. Matthews holds O’Reilly down as Olbermann climbs to the top of the corner turnbuckle. The crowd suddenly stands. A portly man jogs into the ring. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S CNN’S LOU DOBBS! AND HE’S GOT A STEEL-FOLDING CHAIR!”

Dobbs to the corner. *WHAP* Suave: “YES! Olbermann’s down!” Olbermann falls backwards off the top rope and lands back first on the canvas. Dobbs takes the mic and tells Olbermann ‘that one’s for my children whom you attacked because of my political views.’ Dobbs tells him he’s ‘hanging by a highly medicated thread’ much to the crowd’s delight. Dobbs: “You know, I might be the worst person in the world. But you, my friend, are the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG A-HOLE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!”

*
Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Dobbs throws down the chair and leaves.
*
GRATIUTOUS PLUG FOR LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION
J.D. Elder’s novel is a brilliant work of over-the-top satire that spares no one in modern American politics. By using professional wrestling, he is able to ingeniously mock the insanity in our corrupt two party system.” -author Stephen Hines

A fast-paced storyline laced with some of the best political satire I’ve read in quite some time, where no side (left or right, or even the luke-warm middle) is safe. In it, this book combines Pro Wresting, Humor and Politics for a down-right entertaining read…and maybe, just maybe, a few common sense solutions. ” – author Terry W. Ervin II

There are books that you curl up on a warm couch to read. This isn’t one of them.

Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction is a political satire for everyone fed up with the political status quo, an independent call to arms, a rowdy, hard-hitting, no holds barred novel that finally puts politics in proper perspective- by equating it to professional wrestling.

A dark cloud has covered the American political landscape. The powerful forces of professional partisans, political operatives, and special interest groups have combined to polarize the electorate into two bitterly divided extreme camps while many people tune out of the political process altogether.

Co-owner with Bubba Jackson of the world’s only political pro wrestling federation, Buckland County Extreme Wrestling, DeWayne Cantrell, a reformed politician, skewers the political world weekly on their BCEW wrestling show. BCEW is: Political. Hardcore. Extreme. Wrestling or PHEW!- accurately describing the current state of American politics.

But when powerful United States Senator David Hutchinson gets wind of the show, DeWayne finds himself being subpoenaed to appear before a Senate sub-committee on the ‘Media and Their Contribution to the Coarseness of the American Culture.’ After a heated exchange with Senator Hutchinson at the contentious hearing, Cantrell suddenly throws his hat in the political ring and challenges Hutchinson for his Senate seat.

Can DeWayne stand up for the little guy against the establishment of both political parties and stick it to the Washington D.C. elites?

To what lengths will the professional politicians and their special interest groups go to stop him?

And will American politics ever be the same?

Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction is available at various online bookstores. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire online at Lulu.com, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Books A-Million. Or you can order it direct from: Prairie Depot Press/P.O. Box 25/Wauseon, Ohio 43567
***
Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press

A quick video package follows for the upcoming battle between Norm Coleman of the American Patriots and Al Franken from the Progressive Alliance. Suave announces that Coleman and Franken will face off in November at PCW Extreme Election 2008.

MATCH #3 PCW TITLE MATCH- ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ STARZ N. STRIPES © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
‘The New Rookie Sensation’ continues to show his quick improvement in the ring and actually outwrestles the PCW champion early on. Bahama chops Starz. Bad move. Drop toe hold followed by an elbow drop puts Bahama back on the defensive. Starz hits a rolling elbow and nearly knocks Bahama out cold. Facelock by Starz. Nice counter by Bahama avoids an armdrag, and he plants Starz down on his face. Bahama rolls backward gets a two count. Bahama with an elbow. He charges to the corner and eats a kick from the PCW champion. Starz throws him out to the floor. McCain comes up from behind and wraps a television cable around Bahama’s neck. Suave: “Way…whoa…what is John McCain doing?” Starz slaps Bahama around. He jumps on the barricade and lands a flying forearm.

Back in the ring, Bahama fights his way forward and suplexes Starz. Bahama dropkick sends the champion into the corner. Starz blocks the Tiger Driver and reverses into a powerbomb. Cover for two. Reverse again and Bahama gets two off the Cradle Backbreaker, but McCain saves Starz by putting his foot on the ropes. Obama yells over at McCain. McCain yells back and then reaches in and trips Bahama, which allows Starz to hit another flying elbow. Suave notes the increasingly aggressive tactics John McCain is employing.

Libertarian Bob Barr walks out with Politically Incorrect’s Nic Koteen, Pith Lord Darth (Ralph) Nader, and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and demands to know why neither Koteen or Lee were included in tonight’s match. Suave notes that both men were screwed out of their PCW title shot at Lock and Load 3. Nader pithily observes ‘this proves there’s no difference between the American Patriots and the Progressive Alliance!” Bahama turns away from Starz to see what the commotion is. Starz charges and crunches Bahama into the ropes and then flips him over his head. One…two…three. Suave: “Again, the PCW champion is able to outsmart the younger, inexperienced O’Beck Bahama and…HOLY CRAP!” Cut to Barack Obama lying on the floor and John McCain walking away with a Singapore cane in hand.

Immediately, Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Paul Krugman, Daily Kos, Media Matters For America, and Eric Alterman) charge the ring and McCain disappears in a swarm of unhappy liberal activists. Then Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, and…Sarah Palin run out. Palin has a hockey stick and starts wailing away and it completely breaks down as all the members of the Progressive Alliance and American Patriots stream out to join the fray.

Suave: “I…I don’t believe it. This was going to be different. This contest was going to aspire to be more than doing anything to win. This wasn’t going to be the same old, same old…”

—-

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