Suave: “Welcome to another edition of PCW Extreme Political TV. As you know, the recent job report came out and the returns weren’t very good. How would representatives from both sides respond?
PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL): “Let’s not read too much into the numbers. We’ve made some progress but there’s still a lot of work to be done.”
PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH): “We’re losing steam. The unemployment rate is several points higher than what CEO Obama promised and the healthcare law represents the big-government approach that has hindered further growth.”
Mitch McConnell (R-KY): “It’s all Obama’s fault.”
Suave: “No surprises here. Mitt Romney (R-MA) won’t be here tonight…”
Live from the Hampton’s and billionaire David Koch’s Palatial Home
Romney and several high rolling, big money donors arrive.
Suave: “Hmmm…don’t think you’ll see many middle class people at THAT party.”
Match #1 – Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych vs. Heath Miser w/ Cole Miser
Ah yes, the return of the former Prodigal Son of PCW, Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych, the eternal boy of summer himself against the lethal heat of one, Heath Miser. Before the match, Ridfych goes to one knee and manicures his corner before the bell rings.
…Miser goes for his Heat Flash finisher but Ridfych flips out. Right hand. Crowd: FASTBALL! Right hand. Crowd: FASTBALL! Right hand. Crowd: FASTBALL! Ridfych winds up and then sneaks a hook past Miser. Crowd: SLIDER! Bulldog by Ridfych. Cole Miser jumps in to try and ‘cool’ Ridfych off but whiffs on the Cold Blast and eats a Ridfych right hand. Crowd: FASTBALL! Ridfych grabs a bat and nails Heath with it. Cover…1…2…3.
WINNER: Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych @ 7:43
Suave: “An entertaining match with the baseball star coming out on top.” Ridfych thanks the referee, his opponent, the ring announcer, the time keeper, and everyone in the first row.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein has Brad Company and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer with him. Company is the one who lost his bid to the PCW Super Court to overturn Obamacare and its mandate to purchase health insurance.
Replay from last week:
Brad Company came to the ring and defiantly told everyone that he was NOT going to apologize for what he did to Henry Waxman (D-CA) until the people of PCW get an apology for the following:
-the continuing economic distress of ordinary, average PCW workers
-the fact that Democrats and Republicans will fight to the death for their special interest groups at the expense of ordinary, average PCW workers.
-the lack of new jobs and the continued suppression of wages
-the incredibly irresponsible neglect of the national debt and deficit spending
Company doesn’t get another word out before Eric Holder and the Department of Justice race to the ring all fast and furious and quickly beat him down. The DoJ do a number on Company but then the crowd roars.
Company says that he and Thomas have made an alliance called the Common Sense Coalition to take on Eric Holder and the Department of Justice here tonight since it’s clear that CEO Obama is going to use the DoJ to enforce his will regardless of the cost to ordinary wrestlers here in PCW.
Thomas says the American Taxpayer has been screwed long enough and it’s time to fight back.
Suave: “That’s your main event for tonight- the Common Sense Coalition vs. The Department of Justice.”
PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill is in the ring. McGill says whe she was a girl being a pro wrestler was the only thing she’s ever dreamed about. She talked about an injury she suffered when McGill was an Army Ranger when an IED went off and shredded her right knee. She talked about how everyone told her she shouldn’t wrestle because of the potential of further damaging the knee.
This brings out the Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, Radishing Rick Rube- Agronomist, PeaceNick, GreenPete, and Peta from PETA) who make their way to the ring. PeaceNick appears visibly emotional over McGill’s story. Then he calls McGill a lackey for serving in the US Armed Forces and standing for rich businesspeople like David and Charles Koch who’s bankrolling the Republicans.
McGill gets on the mic and says if Nate has such a problem with her then let’s settle it right here and now. PeaceNick begs off and starts chanting anti-violence slogans. Then GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee jump McGill from behind. McGill gets driven down to the mat. A referee slides into the ring and we’ve got a match.
MATCH #2- PCW Television Title Match: Dawn McGill (c) w/Mgr. Svetlana Kovalevski vs. GreenPete of the Green World Order (D) w/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and Peta from PETA
-McGill’s first TV title defense is an inpromptu affair with Democrat GreenPete. Kovalevski literally yanks Brock Cole Lee out of the ring by the scruff of his neck and throws him to the floor.
…again, Lee and Rube join GreenPete in the ring and triple team McGill. They hoist McGill in the air. PeaceNick shouts from the ring apron “MITT ROMNEY HAS A KOCH PROBLEM!” But McGill flips through and lands on her feet. Suddenly, it’s the GWO that has a problem when McGill is tossed a kendo stick by Kovalevski and starts flaying away at the Green World Order.
Lee and Rube exit stage right. PeaceNick protests the inherent violence being dished out by McGill. Peta shrieks at her. White Russian Legsweep by McGill followed by…KATAHAJIME! GreenPete quickly taps out and that’s that.
WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Dawn McGill @ 10:11
McGill gets back on the microphone after the match. She tells the GWO to get back in their limos and climb into their jet plane and go back to their own show- the PCW Blue Brand on P-SPAN on Thursday nights. McGill says this is the independent’s show and the PCW Television Title is the people’s title and stays here.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein chats with Triple R with Bill Maher (D). Triple R says the only way to fight Republican extremism is to be even more extreme. That’s the reason he should be the PCW Blue Brand champion- not ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism. Triple R says Chism doesn’t have the stomach to do what needs to be done.
Maher adds that the Democrats, most notably PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) need to stop acting like Wayne Brady and start acting like Suge Knight.
Brady walks out and confronts Maher. He tells Bernstein: “Now, I’m not saying I’m Billy Badass, but if Bill Maher has his perception of what’s black wrapped up, I would gladly slap the shit out of Bill Maher in the middle of the street, and then I want to see what Bill Maher would do.”
Suave: “I would pay good money to see that.”
Triple R shoves Brady back. Brady pushes Triple R. Maher tries to get a cheap shot in and Brady whips around and…
Maher spins like a top into the ground. Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW! Suave: Maher went down faster than Jim Rome after NFL quarterback Jim Everett smacked him across the face!
A ticket taker walks up to Suave and holds her hand out. Grudgingly, Suave pulls out a $20 and gives it to her.
Then Triple R decks Brady and out runs the PCW Blue Brand Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D). Chism tackles Triple R and very quickly PCW Security flock to the scene to break it up.
OUTSIDE THE ARENA
Politically Incorrect’s NRA, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, and Andrea Doria are celebrating the Fourth of July by grilling burgers, drinking beer, shooting off fireworks and guns, and smoking cigarettes.
The Green World Order pass by. Peta starts shrieking at Politically Incorrect. Koteen and Doria jointly flip off the GWO and return to their celebration.
Suave is so happy about the Bill Maher- Wayne Brady fracas that he shows Brady slapping the @#@% out of Maher several times before moving on.
After a quick Jill Berg viginette…
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. But before they reach the ring, Code Pink and Emily S List jump out of the stands and sets off a Glitter Bomb on Berg.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
List and Pink get a couple shots in before Berg’s bodyguards shove them out of the way and take Jill to the back.
Code Pink asks the crowd what the hell are they thinking. She tells them that people have been asking the question, and decides to answer for them and says they weren’t thinking. Cheering for a one trick pony like Jill-Berg who’s a Sarah Palin Republican? Code Pink calls her delusional, and says she doesn’t understand what women’s issues resonate with women. She then says Berg should stand aside and allow a Democrat the opportunity to regain the PCW Women’s title from Independent Miss USA.
“There’s a storm a-brewing and his name is Derecho!”
Derecho (day-RAY-cho) is a widespread, long-lived, straight-line windstorm that is associated with a fast-moving band of severe thunderstorms.
Out walks Dick Derecho who was to be Jill Berg’s victim…er…opponent tonight. Derecho blows into the ring and starts a long winded explanation of his greatness when…
Suave:HERE COMES THE HALL OF FAMER- THE ORIGINAL ROOKIE SENSATION STARZ N. STRIPES!
Starz hits the ring to massive applause. Derecho doesn’t wait and goes on the attack.
MATCH #3- ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes (R) vs. Dick Derecho
…Derecho goes for the Squall Line. Starz ducks and grabs Derecho’s arms and maneuvers into the American Stars and Fuji ArmBar. Derecho’s wind is quieted and he taps.
WINNER: Starz N. Stripes @ 2:25
PCW Television Champion Dawn McGill rallies the independents. “We will make the difference in November. Not the Democrats. Not the Republicans. WE will.” McGill says the first thing to do is to keep the TV belt as the official belt of PCW Extreme Political TV. The second thing is to make it clear that PCW Extreme Political TV is THEIR show. The third thing is-
Suave interrupts and takes it to the ring. The Department of Justice (D) drag Brad Company and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer aka the Common Sense Coalition to the ring and assault them mercilessly.
The crowd boos and starts heaving debris into the ring. Then a roar when Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Arizona’s Rough Justice (D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former lawmen fired for their extreme brand of justice) (R) storm the ring and brawl with the DoJ. The show ends with the DoJ and Rough Justice taking the fight outside the ring and into the stands.
Filed under: 2012 Election, Average Joe, Barack Obama, Blogs- Pro Wrestling, Independents, Joe Biden, joe six pack, Joe the Plumber, Paul Heyman, political satire, political wrestling, Politics, Pro Wrestling, red state, republicans, Small Town America, Third Party, wordpress political blogs Tagged: | Bill Maher, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney, PETA, Wayne Brady