Romney a Wimp?/Boris Johnson Hung Up/And oh yeah, Pippa- PCW Goes NBC Tape Delay


PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Recap- NBC Tape Delay Version
Thursday July 26th, 2012

O2 Arena
London, England
Announcer: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

Big show.  Two number one contender’s matches.

Tag Team:
Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
-winner faces PCW Tag Team Champions Scott Walker’s Rangers (R) at PCW Night of Champions

PCW Title:
PCW Blue Brand Champion Triple R (D) vs. PCW Red Brand Champion ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
-winner meets PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) at Night of Champions

Hour One

Commemorating PCW’s first ever trip overseas,  London Mayor Boris Johnson came in over the O2 Arena on a zip line.  Only one problem.


“Erm…could someone give me a push?”

While Mayor Johnson hung in the air over the ring, PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) came to the ring with his aide de camp Joe ‘The Big F’n Deal’ Biden (D-DE) to address a pair of topics.

First, the PCW Women’s Title.  Obama doesn’t remember new women’s champion Jill Berg (R) being booked in the match.  He doesn’t know how she ended up in the match.  But somehow, she left with the PCW Women’s title.

Replay: 3 Way Dance for PCW Women’s Title
Dawn McGill vs. Miss USA vs. Code Pink (D)

Jill Berg hits the ring from the crowd.  She rolls in…

Suave: BUZZSAW KICK TO  CODE PINK.  SPEAR TO EMILY S LIST!

JILLLL-BERG chants start.  Golatta turns to Triple R.  He rears back with his right hand…FOUL POLE!

Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Triple R drops to his knees and crumples over.  Jill Berg covers McGill.  1…2…3.   Berg covers Code Pink.

Suave: I DON’T BELIEVE IT!

Pelosi and O’Neill try to get into the ring but Golatta blocks their way.  1…2…3!

WINNER  @ 21:05 AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Jill Berg (R)

Obama says he’ll deal with Golatta later.  He could cry like the Mitt Romney campaign has been crying over Bain (D)…

Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.

Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

…wreaking havoc with the Republicans.  But he’s not that kind of guy.  Instead, Obama makes another ‘executive decision’ and books Jill Berg to face Code Pink at PCW Night of Champions in less than two weeks to settle the PCW Women’s Title.

Next on the agenda, Obama addresses what happened after the match…

McGill: Ladies and gentlemen, there are good people in this room who’ve been left behind as Democrats and Republicans both run PCW at their expense.  They don’t want two parties to dominate PCW against the greater good.  They don’t want political gamesmanship to trump doing what’s right for everyone.  They don’t want PCW partisanship to keep them off the Red Brand and Blue Brand tours and away from opportunities to win title belts.  If this is the path that both factions lead us, then the Democrats and Republican can both KISS MY ASS!

The crowd roars when McGill throws the former television title belt on the mat. McGill kneels and puts masking tape on the belt.  Then she takes the sharpie and writes on it.

McGill: Let the Republicans and Democrats take their titles.  Tonight is a night that I draw a line in the sand. Tonight, I start a revolution that will bring back common sense to PCW and stop putting Democrats and Republicans above all else.  Tonight, let the new era begin: the era of a PCW of the people, by the people, and for the people.  The era of the PCW Heartland Title!

Obama wants to know who Dawn McGill thinks she is.  The belt belongs to PCW and he intends to get it back.  Obama brings out Eric Holder and the Department of Justice (D).   Holder pledges to retrieve the old Television belt back from McGill and tells the DoJ to go after her.

Obama tells Holder to wait and brings out some additional muscle in the form of the Chicago Boss Squad: Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle (D).  Holder, the DoJ, and the CBS then leave.

(1 )Big Union: ‘The Self-Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) def. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit in the first #1 contender’s match of the night

As promised, Eric Holder’s Department of Justice (D) did most of the heavy lifting in this match and cleared the way for Big Union’s victory and a title shot against PCW Tag Team Champions Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) at PCW Night of Champions.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Attorney Wick Sollers, representing former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno‘s family.   Sollers states the Paternos want to appeal the NCAA’s penalties against Penn State, the community, and most of all, Joe Paterno’s legacy.

Joe Paterno Family Demands Appeal of Sanctions- ESPN

Sollers:
“This matter may be the most important disciplinary action in the history of the NCAA, and it has been handled in a fundamentally inappropriate and unprecedented manner.   To severely punish a University and its community and to condemn a great educator, philanthropist and coach without any public review or hearing is unfair on its face and a violation of NCAA guidelines.”

*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the aisle to the ring.  Sollers tries to escape but WTF pulls him back to the middle of the ring

Kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

WTF then calls for a pair of tables.   He sets them up on top of each other in the ring.  He lifts Sollers up and climbs to the top turnbuckle in the corner.  WTF then powerbombs Sollers through both tables.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Jay Paterno then runs out.  Kick to the balls.  Lift.  Chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

(2) Code Pink and Emily S List (D) def. the Cheatin’ Indonesian Badminton Team

For some reason, the Cheatin’ Indonesian Badminton Team didn’t put forth a lot of effort to win the match- it was almost like they were deliberately losing on purpose.  Pink gets the Fickle Finger of Doom at 15 seconds into the match to get the pinfall and the win.

Next, the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) walks down the ramp like a baseball food vendor with a box full of Chic-Fil-A chicken to hawk.

(3) Starz N. Stripes (R) def. ‘The Asset’ Lou Jason Bourne

‘The Asset,’ over 300 pounds, big bellied, and clearly past his prime, sparkles for the first two seconds of the match before Starz puts him away with the American Stars and Fujiwara ArmBar.

Hour Two

Actor Clint Eastwood hits the ring and declares his support for ‘The Massachusetts Red Blood’ Mitt Romney.

Eastwood Attends Romney Fund Raiser- Washington Post

Eastwood:
“In the early 2000s, I was making the film ‘Mystic River’ in Massachusetts.  At that time, Gov. Romney was running for governor.  I said, ‘God, this guy is too handsome to be governor, but he does look like he could be the PCW CEO.’ As the years have gone by, I’m beginning to think even more so that. He’s going to restore a decent tax system that we need badly so that there is a fairness and people are not pitted against one another of whose paying taxes and who isn’t.”

Romney then joins Eastwood in the ring and heartily shakes his hand.  Then porn star Jenna Jameson runs in and joins them.

Jameson:
“Mitt Romney is a politician who I can embrace!”

Jameson then tries to embrace Romney who quickly slides under the ropes and high tails it from the ring.

Newsweek’s Michael Tomasky runs out.

Tomasky: See?  SEE!  I told you Romney was a wimp!

Suave: “Not sure I would have run away…from that…she is a porn star you know.”

Meanwhile…


“Seriously…could someone please give me a push?”

While below…


Pippa Middleton dances for the PCW crowd.

All is well.

(4) The SoCal Clones: Trapper Silk Iafrate from Sierra Madre and Bugaha Bill the Cabinatlion w/Jim Rahm def. The Goatbusters

What do you get when you combine the jungle gloss of sports talk host Jim Rome with the over the top profanity of Rahm Emanuel?  Jim Rahm.

Rahm: Hello London.  What the **** is up?  This is ****ing EPIC!  ****ing rack me!”

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to ‘Ghostbusters’)
If there’s something grazing
In your neighborhood
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you see a herd
And it don’t look good
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns
Running through your yard
Who can you call
(Goatbusters)
If you have a goat
Sleeping in your bed
Oh, who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’re all alone
Pick up the phone
And call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I hear it likes the girls
I ain’t afraid of no Goat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’ve had a dose
Of a freaky Goat
Maybe you’d better call
(Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something
Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

The Goatbusters hit the ring and waste no time attacking the SoCal Clones.  But the Clones do not get run- they get racked…or more succinctly, Bugaha Bill puts Ray Scantz  in the rack for the submission win.

Rahm: RACK ME.  I’M ****ING OUT!

In the event you missed this…and you pretty much have to be living in a cave to have missed this…

Main Event- #1 Contender’s Match for the PCW Title
PCW Red Brand Champion ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
vs.
PCW Blue Brand Champion Triple R (D)

Everyone’s out to watch the match.  Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi for the Democrats.  Mitch McConnell and John Boehner for the Republicans.

Triple R repeated charges at Tanaka.  Tanaka uses his arsenal of big power moves to wear down the Blue Brand Champion.

Eric Holder and the Department of Justice (D) as well as Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit repeatedly interfere in the match.  They are joined by the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos Markos Moulitsas, ‘The Professor’ Paul Krugman, and Katrina Vanden Heuvel of the Nation)  (D) and the Right Wing Brigadiers Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, and Rush Limbaugh (R) as both sides desperately try to win the match.

But in the end…

…Tanaka climbs to the top rope and nails Triple R with a reverse flying elbow drop.  Suave: HOLY CRAP!  Tanaka with a corkscrew legdrop and goes up top again- 5 Star Frog Splash.

The DoJ try to get to the ring but Corporate Might intercepts them.  The Left Wing Bloggers and Right Wing Brigadiers brawl up the ramp.  Tanaka pulls Triple R up to the top turnbuckle…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  Tanaka goes for the pin…1 …2 …3

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 20:15

The outside brawls continue.  Tanaka celebrates in the ring with Mitt Romney and the Republican establishment.

PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) runs down with a chair and clocks Tanaka with it.  Romney et al scatter from the ring as the Sanderman blasts Tanaka again with another chairshot as the show ends.

PCW Night of Champions

Women’s Title Match:
Women’s Champion Jill Berg (R) vs. Code Pink (D)

Tag Team Title Match:
Tag Team Champions Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) vs. Big Union:’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’  Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Title Match:
PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Oh, and as the lights go down for the final time at the O2 Arena tonight…


“Hello?  Hello!  Anyone?…”

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